Suleiman Hani – Overcoming Helplessness
AI: Summary ©
The conversation discusses the importance of actions and actions in life, including avoiding regret and finding one's way out of difficult situations. The speakers emphasize the need for helping others, creating a positive life, and rethinking one's experiences to create a positive life. The transcript uses a story of a desert woman and her child, Hassim Al Qaeda, to illustrate the importance of rethinking one's experiences and creating a positive life.
AI: Summary ©
Oftentimes, it may feel like the world is
burning.
It may feel like everything is bad.
It may feel like there's no hope left
in the world.
Oftentimes, people express a sentiment of helplessness.
There's nothing left to do.
Or a sense of being demoralized.
I cannot possibly try again.
And there's this concept within psychology of learned
helplessness.
And this particular phrase, this particular concept refers
to a situation where someone has tried repeatedly
or experienced difficulty to change a situation, but
they've given up.
They feel like there's no hope anymore.
There's no point of trying.
Although in this particular case, there's something they
can do to change their circumstances.
What are examples?
Students.
A student takes an exam once, twice, thrice,
and they keep failing a class or struggling
with concepts.
And so they decide, you know what?
This is not for me.
I can't do it.
Are there other avenues?
Is there tutoring?
Is there something you could do?
Could you try harder?
Can you learn?
Can you talk to an expert in this
area?
Have you gone to the learning center?
So sometimes we give up, although technically, there's
something you can do.
Someone who struggles with the addiction to smoking.
And millions of people around the world have
overcome this addiction, and some thought they never
could.
But it's damaging to the body, to the
heart, to the mind, a cause of death
and cancer in many different ways.
And of course, therefore, religiously, we cannot harm
our body.
So somebody says, I can't.
I've tried so many times.
I'm not like the other addicts.
For me, it's too difficult.
I can't do it.
I tried 100, 200, 700 times.
One brother said, I can't possibly do it.
But there are people who tried 1,000
times, and eventually they succeeded because they kept
trying.
Because they tried strategically, they tried something new,
they tried differently.
And sometimes we look at these situations around
the world, and we may express a sentiment
of hopelessness.
10 months of genocide.
How much more does the world need to
see?
10 months of protests and awareness.
What else do you need?
But also 76 years of occupation.
But also a history of discrimination in this
country and violence around the world.
We are not surprised.
And so what do we do?
Let's look to just some brief chapters of
the Quran and the sunnah, brief chapters of
the righteous who came before us, and specifically
the prophets as well, and those that were
considered close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And we can take from every one of
these a very quick lesson inshallah ta'ala
that is timeless.
Number one, you look at the example of
Maryam alayhi salam.
And the story we know of Maryam alayhi
salam with the miraculous pregnancy and eventually the
birth.
But just this one specific phrase that was
said to her, not to be sad, but
after this, wahuzzi ilayki bi jid'i nakhlati
tusaqit alayki rutaban janiya.
There's an emphasis on you taking action, behavioral
activation if you will.
Shake the trunk of the palm tree and
perhaps some ripe fresh dates will fall upon
you or your way.
In other words, first ask yourself in any
situation where you feel you're losing hope, what
can I do?
What actions should I be taking?
What are the things that are pleasing to
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala?
Because there's always something, even if it's dua,
do not belittle the power of dua.
The second lesson we take is from the
story of Yunus alayhi salam in the belly
of the whale in the depths and the
darknesses of the ocean.
You think of the story of Yunus alayhi
salam and he calls upon Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala despite the darkness that he is
in.
فَنَادَ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ You and I might think
there's no way out.
You're not only underwater.
You've not only been swallowed by a whale.
You're not possibly going to find a way
to navigate yourself back to a surface and
find another opportunity at life.
فَنَادَ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ He called out in the
darkness.
Darknesses, multiple layers.
أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ
مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ There is no God but you,
O Allah.
You are perfect, subhanak.
You are perfect, O Allah, in your wisdom,
in your decree, in my test.
You are perfect, O Allah.
For this thing that I'm losing hope in,
you are perfect, O Allah, to help me
get out of my situation.
إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ When you say, إِنِّي
كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ I have been amongst the
wrongdoers, I have certainly done wrong.
We take from the story a number of
lessons amongst them.
Sometimes our frustration may cause us to do
things that we regret later on.
And we are always reminded to think through
before you act because there is going to
be accountability later.
There might be consequences for the words that
you speak, for the text that you send,
for the way you react to your husband,
to your wife, to your parents, to your
children, to a Muslim, to a non-Muslim.
So when you think of this reality, you
recognize although regret is there, you would rather
prevent yourself from falling into that mistake.
So we learn from our mistakes and those
of others.
But also with the story of Yunus A
.S., we learn the importance of self-accountability.
So you go through a hardship, you might
feel hopeless or helpless.
You look at Gaza and Sudan, you might
feel hopeless or helpless.
You ask yourself, what is my role in
this?
What am I supposed to do to pass
this test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
if I'm not directly involved?
But if it is directly about you, is
there something that I did that could have
caused this of sinfulness?
Because oftentimes we want to change the world
and change our situations, but we don't want
to change ourselves.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala commands us
to look within.
إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُ
مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ Allah does not change the conditions
of a people until they change what is
within themselves.
Sometimes we want to change everything external to
us because addressing what is within is more
uncomfortable.
It's difficult to recognize and admit where we
have shortcomings.
So when we say, لا إله إلا أنت
سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين Sometimes we recognize
it is my sin, let me ask for
forgiveness.
And other times we seek forgiveness from Allah
because generally istighfar leads to solutions.
It leads to a way out as we
find in the Quran, in the sunnah.
Additionally, in the story of Yunus عليه السلام,
there's a sense of peace you can find
only when you feel completely helpless in worldly
terms and you call upon Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ
تَعَالَى الْجَبَّارُ الْقَوِيِّ You call upon Allah العَزِيز
You call upon Allah الرَّحْمَان الرَّحِيم When you
call upon Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى in moments
like that, you find even more tranquility and
peace.
And in addition to this, we recognize this
particular du'a has been preserved for us.
And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned,
peace be upon him, that the one who
says this du'a will find relief from
hardship.
To paraphrase the narration of al-Tirmidhi, لا
إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين
لا إله إلا أنت There's no God but
you, Allah سُبْحَانَك You are perfect.
You are perfect.
Regardless of how difficult this challenge is, regardless
how difficult the genocide is, regardless of my
personal challenges, you are perfect, O Allah, in
your wisdom and in everything else.
I have been amongst those who do wrong.
إني كنت من الظالمين You apply this to
your marriage.
You apply this to your relationships.
You apply this to your studies, your job,
your financial situation, your health, and the situation
of the ummah, the situation of our brothers
and sisters.
لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من
الظالمين Elsewhere, you look to another lesson in
the stories of Musa عليه السلام, but just
one particular scene.
He's fleeing Egypt to Median.
He's fleeing persecution.
And he sees these two sisters, these two
women who need help.
And he's already going through what he's going
through.
And he decides to help them.
And then he makes dua.
And in this moment, there's a really interesting
additional gem, a benefit if you will that
many Muslim psychologists have pointed out.
And many of these lessons are the lessons
expressed by Muslim psychologists and others.
And they said, notice this, there's a lot
of research indicating that when you're going through
some kind of anguish or helplessness or anxiety
or even depression, there's been research that finds
that helping other people is an antidote to
your own situation, to your own mental state,
not necessarily the situation itself.
But also helping others, we know brings about
a divine barakah, a gift from Allah, a
blessing that may aid your situation directly too.
And so sometimes you look at the helplessness
that people express or the hopelessness that they
have.
And you say, you know what, I may
not right now be able to change my
situation overnight, but I'm trying.
In the meantime, you notice somebody else needs
help, you help.
And this could be an antidote and also
a cure for your own situation.
You learn from the lesson of Hajar Alaihissalam
in the middle of a desert.
We were in the bottom of the ocean,
we were fleeing from Egypt.
And now we're talking about the desert.
Hajar Alaihissalam, when she's left there, there's a
psychological reframing.
Is this from you or from Allah?
No, this is from Allah.
This command, Ibrahim Alaihissalam responds, this command is
from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So there's an entire reframing of what I'm
going through.
My challenge, my test is an opportunity.
So what does she do?
Does she give up?
She's in the middle of the desert with
her baby child, and she decides to search
for water.
And she goes back and forth between As
-Safa and Al-Marwah as we do when
we go for Umrah and for Hajj, commemorating
her sacrifices.
And what do we have from this?
Not only her own relief and the relief
for her child, but also for all of
us as we access and experience Zamzam water
for the rest of humanity, for the rest
of time, a reminder.
Every time you think of Zamzam water or
drink from it, and you make dua through
it, every single time you remember this did
not come about without sacrifice.
This came about from someone who did not
give up, from someone who's in the midst
of a desert.
They were content with that test and they
persevered.
You have to take the first step.
Had she not taken the first step between
As-Safa and Al-Marwah back and forth,
there would not be a second, a third,
a thousandth step.
There would not be Zamzam water, there would
not be relief, there would not be a
way out.
And sometimes we give up at that final
step, the one thousandth mile.
But perhaps had you taken another mile or
two, you would have found some change in
your situation.
Sometimes we give up and the reality of
the test of this world is that we
must endure.
Zamzam and the story of Hajar A.S.
is a reminder of not losing hope.
No matter how difficult your situation is, reframe
it, psychologically reframe it.
What would Allah like for me to do
in this situation?
How do I persevere?
How do I keep moving forward?
You also look at the story of Yusuf
A.S. and there's a specific lens that
many scholars and psychologists and others have pointed
out that's neglected.
And it's that of advocating for oneself.
Of all the lessons, we can spend five
or ten khutbas just on the story of
Yusuf A.S. But of all the lessons,
notice two statements in particular.
Yusuf A.S. tells one of the prisoners,
the one he interprets the dream for, and
that man is going to be safe.
He tells him, don't forget to mention me
to your master, meaning when you're freed.
Don't forget that man forgot.
But he also, when he was freed, he
also told the king, اجعلني على خزائن الارض
Place me as a leader, the one in
charge of basically the storehouses of the land.
And he says, اني حفيظ عليم I am
trustworthy, honest, and knowledgeable.
Rarely do you find in any Islamic source
text, Qur'an, Sunnah and other, do you
find someone requesting, commanding, demanding a position of
authority.
Because generally, it's not a good sign for
someone to want power.
But in this case, there are many reasons
for it.
Yusuf A.S. is qualified.
He's also a prophet.
Perhaps it was a command for him to
do so.
He's qualified for the position that others might
cause harm in.
And so sometimes you actually have to step
up to the plate to volunteer to support.
Yusuf A.S. did not allow a feeling
of helplessness in prison to consume him.
He was thrown into the well, betrayed by
his own brothers.
You would think emotionally that someone might feel
I have no self-worth.
And this brings us to a very important
reminder that when you're connected to Allah, you
find your self-worth through Him.
When you're really connected to Allah, you find
that people don't give you your value.
You have value inherently as a believer.
But also distinguish your circumstances, the things outside
of your control, from your choices.
You cannot control the things that happen to
you in life, but you can control what
you do.
And that is the test of life.
We may not like it, but that is
the test of the dunya.
It is a type of prison.
It's a limited time, opportunity, a challenge.
But the reward for the one who perseveres
is great.
The reward is that which is eternal.
Yusuf A.S. did not give up.
And also after being powerless for so long
in prison, he's connected to Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
What does he do to the people that
caused all of this as a catalyst, his
own brothers?
He forgave them.
Which is a very difficult thing to do.
Because you think about some of the worst
forms of oppression, you wonder how would I
respond?
But as some psychologists have pointed out, part
of navigating your own feeling of powerlessness is
to think about what you would do if
this condition was alleviated.
What would you do to the people who
caused this?
And of course as difficult as it is,
you look historically to the Muslims at the
time of the crusaders in 1099.
When they butchered the Jews and the Muslims
in Al-Aqsa in Jerusalem.
And they took over that land for 88
years.
They didn't treat Muslims and Jews properly for
the next 88 years.
No, they were looking to conquer as many
lands as possible and especially Al-Aqsa.
And when Salahuddin Ayyubi rahimallah and many others
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala utilized to
pave the path to liberation for Al-Aqsa,
May Allah allow us to see a free
Al-Aqsa and a free Muslim land in
every place around the world.
Allahumma ameen.
Notice this and remember, people historically documented, the
Christians were the first to document the way
that Salahuddin treated the very people who caused
that oppression.
He allowed them, those who wanted safe passage
to leave.
Which is a very difficult thing to think
about.
Salahuddin Ayyubi rahimallah was following the footsteps of
the one who liberated it before, Umar radiallahu
anhu, who was learning from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi
wasallam.
The Muslims do not stoop to the level
of the crusaders.
The Muslims do not stoop to the level
of the Zionists of today.
They could be the most barbaric, disgusting, deplorable
human beings, committing some of the worst crimes
that have been documented, live-streamed, that no
one can deny, that any conscious, sincere person
would not deny.
Just like the politicians who applaud them, who
welcome them, who smile at them.
The soldiers who * and torture, the soldiers
who kill and mock and mutilate and abuse
men and women, young and old, boys and
girls.
They don't care, even animals, they have killed
mercilessly.
You look at this situation, you say, although
they don't care, they have no standards, and
they want to be pathological, not just as
liars, but as abusers and terrorists and war
criminals.
We do not learn from them.
They are not our teachers.
They are not our standard.
So they deserve the worst of punishments.
They deserve what's coming to them.
They deserve whatever happens to them.
And they deserve the punishment of the afterlife.
But if this condition is alleviated soon, and
inshaAllah we will see a Palestine that is
free soon, inshaAllah we see an Aqsa that
is free soon, and we are able to
pray in Masjid al-Aqsa.
But we do not stoop to the level
of these barbaric terrorists, because we have standards.
We know what the rules of engagement are
when we deal with people who abuse us
and harm us, here personally or anywhere around
the world.
And this is a reminder for us that's
allowing us to stabilize in a way our
emotions and regulating them from Islamic lens.
That we know what we are supposed to
do in any situation in life, any challenge
that we go through, and that we do
not treat people based on their standards, but
based on the revelation that Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala has given us.
And finally you look to the example of
Nuh عليه السلام.
He's oppressed.
He's trying so hard to save people's lives.
And he feels so helpless.
They're calling him crazy.
They're making fun of him.
Propaganda, political propaganda against him and his followers.
فَدَعَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ And every prophet
and every righteous shows us dua is the
first step.
Turn to Allah consistently.
And it's a step you never abandon.
فَدَعَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ Oh Allah, I'm
helpless, so help me.
I'm oppressed, I'm abused.
I'm being opposed.
مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ So grant me victory and success.
When you look at all of this, you
can also take lessons that help in the
tarbiyah, the development of a young Muslim too.
A high school student, a middle school student,
elementary school student, college students and others.
And so number one, as far as parenting
advice goes, we help children differentiate factors outside
of their control to the choices of influence,
the sphere of influence that they actually have.
The second, and we have to distinguish these
two.
The second is the power of helping others
when we feel helpless.
The importance of constantly serving and volunteering and
helping, even though you may be going through
your own hardship, not thinking what the whole
world is about me alone.
Trying to help other people as well.
The third is the importance of self-accountability
when it comes to facilitating change.
What is my role?
What did I do?
How can I change this?
The fourth and the last point here is
to divide overwhelming situations into small manageable plans,
small parts and small milestones so they can
be tackled accordingly.
And of course, dua.
When we say all the time, لَا حَوْلَ
وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ Sometimes parents use this
to respond to something their children have done.
But in reality, when we say, لَا حَوْلَ
وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ There is no might
and no power except by Allah.
We have to really think about what we
are saying and ensure that our hearts are
present.
لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ Do not
give up on dua.
Do not give up on resilience.
Do not give up on the actions you
can take, on self-accountability, on manageable plans,
on uniting with others.
May Allah forgive us and grant us relief.
And for our brothers and sisters in every
land and place, ask Allah for forgiveness.
He is the All-Forgiving, the Ever-Merciful.