Suleiman Hani – How To Win At Life 3 Tips
AI: Summary ©
The importance of success in one's life is discussed, including the importance of knowing the process and following it to achieve success. The success of Islam is emphasized, along with fulfilling personal goals and working hard to achieve them. The success of Islam is linked to one's final destination, and personal success is emphasized as a means of achieving a human being's goal. The importance of living in a society where everyone is doing well is emphasized, along with the importance of staying true to Islam and not losing comfort in a constantly changing world.
AI: Summary ©
If you had to rate every single form
of success in your life, in terms of
its importance on a scale of one to
10, how would you think of your life
experiences?
For example, the one who remembers playing basketball,
some game they played 10 years ago with
their friends, perhaps is going to rate it
very low in terms of life importance.
The one who's thinking of video games and
what it means to succeed or win a
match, perhaps it's low in terms of its
importance, its degree of impact, its consequences for
the rest of your life.
When you think of the different forms of
worldly success, think about what they mean long
term as well, in terms of your identity,
in terms of your purpose, in terms of
who you are, in terms of your objectives.
So for some people today, they may see
their income levels and say, Alhamdulillah, I've made
it, I'm successful, that Allah has blessed me
and I feel that I'm successful.
Some people will think of their degree, they
just attained or they've attained years ago, and
say, Alhamdulillah, when it comes to education, I'm
successful.
Some people look at their children, the first
time they see their child pray on their
own, or make dua or say something good,
and they say, Alhamdulillah, I'm raising righteous children,
I'm successful.
Some people have been striving to get married
for a long time, they get married to
someone good, compatible, righteous, in terms of their
impact on the afterlife, and they say, Alhamdulillah,
this is a form of success.
Some people see the number of problems and
diseases linked to bad eating choices, bad lifestyle
choices, lack of activity and exercise, and they
say, Alhamdulillah, when it comes to exercise and
health, my choices are making me, by Allah's
mercy, successful.
When you think of success, ultimately we recognize
they are all of different levels of importance.
And so many forms of success when it
comes to entertainment, what is mubah, as long
as it's permissible, would be considered the lowest
form of success.
Because it's just for a single moment, and
it has no impact on one's akhir, it
has no impact on one's life.
And when you think of the long-term
forms of success, you start to think about
what they mean in terms of time, sacrifice.
Why did I pursue this thing to begin
with?
What keeps you going?
So the question is, how do we succeed
at life?
How do we win at life?
What does it mean to win at life?
And we think of the things that cause
people to get out of bed every day.
What causes you to have energy and ambition?
What drives you?
What gives you perseverance?
No matter how long it takes, you are
committed to a journey, to a process, even
if it's every single day, multiple hours a
day, that it's a part of who you
are and what you're about.
So what gets us moving forward towards winning
at life?
To win at life, no doubt, we can
give perhaps a dozen different ways and strategies
and all different semantics and language that's used.
But to simplify the overall concept of winning
at life, we'll give three tips on how
to win at life.
And I'll summarize them first in 30 seconds
and then go into three tips inshallah ta
'ala.
Number one, to win at life, you have
to know what the criteria for winning is.
What does it actually mean to win?
Number two, once you know what the criteria
are, the definition of real winning, you have
to know the outcome.
What does it lead to?
Why is that so important?
So what's the long-term vision?
And number three, to win at life and
to have a vision then requires what?
Perseverance, sabr, and trust in Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala and the resources that he told
us about.
So let's break these down.
Number one, to win at life, you have
to know what winning is.
There are people who work harder than us,
but they are working towards what?
Useless things or immoral things or prohibited things.
There are people who spend a lot of
time and sacrifice on the most useless of
things.
When you're within a certain context like school
and you have a syllabus that tells you
what success is, that's success for that class
for that semester.
When you have a degree pathway, these are
the courses you need, that's success in terms
of attaining the degree.
When you're playing chess, for example, winning is
not to just throw away all the piece
and say, well, I've won, because that's not
part of the metric of success.
When you're playing basketball, there are very specific
criteria for winning.
And so with every context in life, we
cannot choose our own desired concept or metrics
of success.
We have to follow what is laid out
for us.
And Allah tells us what success is about.
The one who created us, the one who
gave us purpose, the one who sent a
messenger, salallahu alayhi wasalam, the one who gave
us guidance to clarify the most important question,
which is why do we exist?
What are we here for?
What is the greatest potential I have as
a human being?
لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا To test you, to
see who's best in their conduct, to see
who is grateful to the Creator.
وَجَزَاهُمْ بِمَا صَبَرُوا جَنَّةً وَحَرِيرًا He will reward
them for their patience with paradise and the
parts of paradise like the silk of paradise.
Winning at every single type of worldly game
or every type of worldly pursuit is useless
and insignificant if one chooses to lose at
the game of life itself, if one chooses
to reject the purpose of life.
Because most of the metrics that we'll look
at, most of the types of success, they'll
have very low importance long term, some more
than others.
And then you think about the purpose of
life and you find what?
That's the only thing that matters.
Everything builds towards it of education and family
and school and responsibilities.
So the difference is in life there are
many different types of games but life itself
is not a game.
Life is not a game.
And when we say this, oftentimes people misunderstand.
Life is a serious matter of responsibility.
The very life that you have is an
amanah from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So I'll give you an example because sometimes
people misunderstand when we say this.
A student who is so serious about their
program in law school or med school or
any other program of the humanities or anything
else, because they are serious about their education,
they don't sabotage it.
They don't cheat on their exams because of
the akhirah, because of the academic concern, because
of what it leads to.
They don't mess around wasting time.
They take advantage of the time they have
and they study.
Another example.
Some people, masha'Allah, they're very serious about
the amanah that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
has given them of marriage.
So they won't sabotage their marriage.
They won't abuse their spouse.
They'll learn, how do I deal with conflict
resolution?
How do we solve our problems?
How do we mend our issues?
So the husband, the wife, the parents with
their children will learn because they care about
that family, what does it take to protect
this family?
So infidelity has no room.
Messing around and flirting with other people, there's
no room for that.
Messing around in the workplace or on campus,
there's no room for that.
Why?
Because you take your marriage seriously and you
take it seriously because you know it's a
covenant with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Another example.
Some people, for them, the state of the
ummah is so serious and this is what
it is for the believer.
Our concerns for every single human being, every
brother and every sister, every mother, every father,
every son, every daughter, they are our own.
So when they are injured and oppressed and
hurt, may Allah protect them, make it easy
for them, grant them jannah.
We are affected like it's our own blood,
family and even more.
And so the one who takes the matter
of the ummah seriously cannot possibly separate their
worldly pursuits from the state of the ummah.
Cannot possibly separate siyasa from Islam because it
is a part of Islam to care about
people's well-being.
And likewise, the one who takes their job
seriously does not sabotage their work.
There are people, mashaAllah, when it comes to
the workplace, whether it's their business or not,
they have the highest standards of ihsan.
And the Muslim should have ihsan in all
of these areas and more.
But when we talk about taking life seriously,
now from an Islamic perspective, from a theological
perspective, it means that you fulfill the responsibility
that Allah has given you.
It does not mean, as some people misunderstand,
that you are always serious faced, that you
never smile, that you never have times of
leisure for the sake of Allah, that you
never joke around, that you never seen smiling
with the family being kind to others.
No, that's not what it means.
Taking life seriously is taking life with its
responsibility.
But the Prophet ﷺ was kind, was warm,
was someone who was very receptive.
The Prophet ﷺ, they found it to be
so easy to be around him.
They found his presence very comforting, alayhis salatu
wassalam.
But also, he did not take life as
a game.
Prophet ﷺ exemplified what it means, and that
means what?
In our character, it means in our rituals,
our ibadat, it means in terms of our
health, mentally, physically, spiritually.
It means taking care of your responsibilities, your
education, your family.
And so, in short, if you want to
win at life, you have to always go
back to the true definition of winning.
And Allah ﷻ gave us the criteria so
we are not chasing the wrong things, or
wasting all of our energy on low impact
things.
Go for the thing that is most significant.
The true criteria of success is as Allah
ﷻ commanded us.
Number two, to win at life, once we
know the definition of real success, we go
to school, we go to work, we take
care of everyday responsibilities, we take care of
our children, our families, we volunteer.
But then you think what?
What does it lead to?
I know what Allah ﷻ told me is
the purpose of life, that's success.
But what does it lead to?
What's the outcome?
In the business world oftentimes if you want
a project to be managed really well, you
start with a logic model.
And the logic model has at the very
end of it what you're starting with, the
most important thing.
It's connected to your vision.
What is the most important thing?
What's the long term outcome?
What does all of this project lead to?
What is my non-profit about?
What is this business about?
So you link your vision, your mission, the
thing that you're aiming for, with the things
that you actually want, the real outcomes.
And then you work your way backwards.
Long term, short term, what is the output?
What are my resources?
And so if you think of your idea
of success when it comes to life and
the afterlife, you recognize what?
You have to always reflect on what it
leads to.
Jannah, the pleasure of Allah.
And the pleasure of Allah is something you
experience here and you're not waiting for the
afterlife for.
So you have it here and the believers
have it in the afterlife.
And some scholars said the one who does
not experience the jannah of this world, meaning
a connection with Allah, the submission to Allah
in this world, will not experience in the
next life, meaning they rejected Allah in this
world.
So they rejected the paradise of both worlds.
The final destination that we talk about, we
want to make sure to simplify as follows.
It's your destination.
That's what you're looking for.
If you took a step back and looked
at your life, all your goals and everything
that led up to this moment, hopefully you're
thinking Allah's pleasure and paradise, that's all that
I want at the end of the day.
If I have that, I'm successful.
To work your way backwards to this world,
you look at your goals and you say
every decision I make today is linked to
the destination of tomorrow.
The decisions of today are linked to the
destinations of tomorrow in this life, but especially
in the afterlife.
So your decision to pray every day, your
decision to be kind to others, your decision
to learn, your decision to value your time
and your health, it's all linked to the
final destination of Jannah.
Your decision to sacrifice for your family and
to raise your children righteously, your decision to
learn, amal and ilm, constantly knowledge and action,
it's all linked to your final destination.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us
who the real winners are after all that
they've gone through.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us, إِنِّي
جَزَيْتُهُمُ الْيَوْمَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا أَنَّهُمْ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ I
have rewarded them, the believers, because of their
perseverance.
They are the true winners.
أَنَّهُمْ هُمُ الْفَائِزُونَ May Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala make us amongst the winners.
فَمَنْ زُحْزِحَ عَنِ النَّارِ Whoever is taken away,
protected from the fire.
وَأُدْخِلَ الْجَنَّةَ فَقَدْ فَازْ and entered into paradise
has won.
That is the summary of what it means
to win and the outcome for the believer.
What does it lead to?
If you think of your final destination every
single day, you are more driven, your ambition
increases, your himmah becomes very high, you're concerned
for your afterlife.
And when you disconnect from your final destination,
the outcome that you really want, that you're
created for, what happens?
We start to become distracted.
We start to become diverted because we have
around us in our lives every single day
numerous distractions.
And it's one of the test of this
world that you constantly go back to the
reminder of why you're here and what you
want.
Sometimes in coaching psychology, they teach people to
create a vision board.
And so they'll tell them, think of the
top 5 to 10 things you want in
the next year of your life.
And then take a picture of those things
and put them on your vision board.
And you put it on the wall.
And every day you walk by in your
home, in your office, wherever you are, you
see the things that you're really after.
These are the things you're chasing after.
And it could be marriage, it could be
education, it could be a source of income,
it could be happiness, it could be health.
So you put the things that you care
about.
Why do they tell people to have a
vision board?
And to put it up so that you
are constantly reminded.
And when you put it away, if you
hide it, you typed it up in a
Word document and it disappeared.
What happens after a few weeks?
You notice your motivation dipping.
You notice your routine is not as consistent.
You started off strong seeking ilm.
You started off strong reading the Qur'an.
You started off strong attending a gathering.
And then you noticed yourself losing that grit
and that motivation.
Go back to the things that remind you
every single day.
Meaning what?
The Qur'an, first and foremost.
Your dua for Jannah, first and foremost.
Think constantly and reflect on what leads to
that highest priority outcome.
What is it that you really want after
all of this is said and done?
After your life comes to an end and
your soul is leaving your body, what kind
of success will really have mattered?
And make sure you are constantly connected to
it.
MashaAllah, we see a lot of students are
very driven.
They have really high standards in their education.
And this is a good thing for our
ummah so long as it's connected to the
afterlife.
So long as it's leading to some kind
of benefit to society and community.
So long as their intentions are for the
sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So long as they hold on to the
principles that ultimately lead to paradise.
But when you see this, as many students
have started their schools this week, may Allah
grant them success.
As many students have gone back to campuses,
may Allah grant them success.
We reflect on the reality that our brothers
and sisters in Gaza don't have access to
their schools.
Reflect on the reality that this is a
blessing and a privilege so take advantage of
it.
Let that drive you to take advantage of
what you're doing.
And by the way, the people of Gaza
and Palestine in general, when it comes to
education, are some of the most educated and
intelligent people in the world in terms of
their grades and their exams and their scores.
As many families are settling down into a
new routine because they have children who go
to schools.
And they are now thinking about the dynamic
of the day and the work and the
school and all of the routine that they
have.
A lot of families in Sudan are wondering
where the next meal is coming from.
A lot of families in Sudan are wondering
where is the next attack coming from while
other countries are funding the genocide in Sudan.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect our
brothers and our sisters.
As we sit here in the comfort of
a masjid with a roof on top of
our heads attending a Friday khutbah, a requirement
upon men.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala keep us
consistent with what is an obligation.
Sometimes we don't really appreciate the Friday khutbahs.
We don't appreciate the ability to pray every
day in the houses of Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
And today in Jenin, in Palestine, for the
first time in 22 years, there was no
Friday khutbah.
For the first time since the second intifada,
there was no Friday khutbah.
And when you think of this reality, should
you perhaps find in yourself a little more
gratitude, a little more appreciation for the blessings
that we have as believers living in a
country that we know is responsible as far
as the government goes for a lot of
the atrocities and injustices all across the world.
So it's not just that Palestine is on
fire.
It's not just that Al-Aqsa is being
threatened every single day.
It's not just Sudan and East Turkestan.
It's the reality that when you see what's
happening around the world, it should drive you
to have an ambition to use your responsibilities,
to use your privileges, your education, your work,
and most importantly your time to sacrifice for
the sake of Allah, to volunteer for causes,
to be present in the masajid more often,
to support local initiatives as well that will
better the world in some way.
And this is what it means to have
ambition, that we are not slow to the
causes of nobility and the causes of goodness,
but rather we are fast to do what
is pleasing to Allah.
And we have barriers between us and the
acts and the tricks of shaitan.
May Allah protect us all.
Allahumma ameen.
So number one is to know what real
winning is.
Number two is to know what it leads
to.
What is the outcome?
Have a vision.
Include it on your vision board.
Include it in your daily reminders.
Include it in your daily dua.
Oh Allah, grant me the ultimate success.
Oh Allah, grant me paradise.
And this is why the Prophet ﷺ, amongst
the most repeated dua that he made was,
رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً
وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ Amongst the most frequent dua,
one sahabi said, it is the most repeated
dua.
Oh Allah, grant us goodness in this life,
hasana in this world, goodness in the afterlife,
and protect us from the punishment of the
fire.
This dua, two-thirds of it is for
the afterlife.
The majority of our thoughts, our concerns, our
ambitions, our vision has to be linked to
what's happening in the afterlife.
May Allah ﷻ grant us that.
Allahumma ameen.
And finally number three, to win at life.
You can know what winning is.
You can have ambition and motivation when you're
thinking about it.
Many people have ambitions.
Many people have dreams.
Many people fantasize, what does it mean for
me to have a successful life in any
area of success?
But then you need what?
You need perseverance.
You need sabr.
There's no substitution for sabr.
There's no alternative to hard work.
And we know this, why?
Because sabr, perseverance, and willpower, self-discipline, it's
not mentioned one time in the Qur'an,
or even five, or ten times.
It's mentioned over 100 times in the Qur
'an.
Why?
Because the one who's regularly connected to the
book of Allah, is constantly given nourishment, is
constantly given a reminder.
Would you rather take a penny today or
a trillion dollars tomorrow?
A drop of water today or an ocean
of happiness tomorrow?
A crumb today of a dunya, or eternal
bliss tomorrow?
And this is the reality of this world,
that you delay your gratification.
It's not meant to be the jannah that
some people make it out to be.
It's not meant to be the life of
just eternal comfort and no work.
It's meant to be the life of striving,
striving, striving, until our last breath.
There was a man in the United States,
there was a man who was struggling with
poverty, severe poverty, for three years of his
life.
Sometimes homeless, kicked out from shelter to shelter.
And he struggled so bad, he said, I
started making bad choices spiritually.
I started straying from Allah.
I started being angry at my qadr.
And he said, subhanAllah, one day a relative
had passed away, and they could not find
anyone related to him except for this man.
And he inherited almost 7 million dollars from
complete poverty and homelessness to 7 million dollars,
if not more than that.
He said, I was shocked and in denial
at first.
And then I broke down in tears.
He didn't break down just out of gratitude.
He said, I broke down in tears because
I was so ungrateful to Allah when I
was going through that hardship.
Had someone told me around the corner, even
if they told me in the beginning of
those three hard years, around the corner you're
going to inherit a lot of money.
He said, I would have been content.
I would have worked hard.
I would have been striving.
But I chose to do bad things.
I chose to stray from Allah.
Not realizing delayed gratification, even if it's not
meant to be in this world, means that
you know your sacrifice is meaningful because many
sacrifices are not.
So when you hold on and you hold
back and you refrain from sin, when you
hold on and you push yourself with energy
to pray to Allah, when you hold on
and you push yourself to be active and
sacrifice some time to volunteer for noble causes,
you're doing so because Allah told you Jannah
is linked with sabr.
وَجَزَاهُمْ بِمَا صَبَرُوا۟ إِنِّي جَزَيْتُهُمُ الْيَوْمَ بِمَا صَبَرُوا۟
Paradise is for the one who perseveres.
Paradise is for the one who holds on.
Paradise is for the one who's reinforced by
the reminders of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Yes, we want comfort and raha in this
life, but it's not meant to be a
distraction from the afterlife.
And this is why when a man came
to the great scholar, Imam Ahmed rahimallah, and
he asked him this question, مَتَى يَجِلُ الْعَبْدُ
طَعْمَ الرَّاحَةِ When will a servant find the
taste of real comfort, relaxation?
Because this world is fluctuating.
Nothing of comfort is permanent.
He responded back to him, عِندَ أَوَّلِ قَدَمٍ
يَضَعُهَا فِي الْجَنَّةِ When he takes his first
step into paradise.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us
that.
Sometimes we also have to remember, if we
live in a country where we are privileged,
or Allah has given you a great source
of income, or you have a very comfortable
house and neighborhood, may Allah preserve it for
you and make you grateful for it.
But remember, it's not meant to be an
eternal comfort.
It's meant to be a vehicle, so you
can survive, so you can thrive, so you
can do good in this world.
It's meant to bring us closer to Allah,
not farther away from Him.
This life at times, if you're privileged with
more wealth, you have to intentionally choose the
simpler options.
Intentionally opt for the simpler things.
And that is one of the ways to
stay disconnected, so that you are not controlled
by your desires in your heart, rather they
are in your hands, so you are controlling
them.
So sometimes, choose the simpler things as an
act of worship.
And remember, when you delay your gratification, you're
waiting an hour, so you have what you
want rather than give up in the moment.
You're waiting all day to break your fast
rather than give up in the moment.
You're praying qiyam al-layl rather than sleeping
in the moment.
You're sacrificing time or giving charity, because your
vision is long term.
Your focus is the afterlife.
You have one life in this world.
Live it wisely.
Live it with meaning.
Live it with purpose.
And delayed gratification only comes from knowing why
you're sacrificing.
Why should I hold on?
When the children were given in the famous
experiment of the marshmallow experiment in Stanford University,
when they were told to hold on for
15 minutes and you have double the reward,
they knew what they were waiting for.
And yes, there are some issues with the
experiment, but generally, it's an understood concept.
Those who hold back their desires now and
they sacrifice in the short term for a
long term pleasure, generally are more successful in
more areas of life, whether it's school or
work or anything else.
We do this by connecting to Allah.
Sincerity, commitment to the process, planning ahead, and
deemphasizing what it means to chase after the
low importance, the low significance of desires in
this world.
And remember at the end of the day,
even while you are planning strategically, turn to
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Sabr is always linked to Allah as well.
استعينوا بالصبر والصلاة.
Find your turning to Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala in your perseverance, and in your salah.
And salah itself should lead to more perseverance
and willpower.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us
that and grant us happiness and contentment and
success.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us
amongst the grateful and forgive us for shortcomings.
Ask Allah for forgiveness.
He is the Oft-Forgiving, the Ever-Merciful.
أقول قولي هذا واستغفروا الله ولكم فاستغفروه إنه
هو الغفور الرحيم