Suleiman Hani – Charity Begins At Home

			Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah. While early he was so happy woman wala
Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
		

			What a beautiful crowd and what a beautiful day may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless this gathering and
this conference and everyone who facilitated this conference say I mean,
		

			I want to begin with the framework of one Hadith and end with the same narration in Sharma.
		

			A tutor media recorded that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,
		

			the best amongst you are those who are best to their families. Again, the best amongst you are those
who are best to their families. Again, the best amongst you are those who are best to their
families.
		

			The title of today's talk that's assigned for us is that Charity begins at home. This is a prover
from the 17th century.
		

			And there's a funny incidents from several years back a brother mentioned, in which they were
discussing giving charity and collecting funds for a cause somewhere else around the world. And
someone said in that gathering, he said, Why are we helping people so far away when we have problems
over here that require our funds in our charity. And then he said, This proverb, Charity begins at
home. His misunderstanding was that Charity begins at home implies, first of all, that it's a
literal charity. And second of all, that it ends at home, and is exclusive to the home.
		

			But in Islam, we have a different paradigm, we have a different approach. We can understand this
concept of charity, meaning your kindness, your character, your love, your compassion, your
forgiveness, the fulfillment of Rites begins at home, in addition to what's happening outside of the
home. So it's not at the expense of the external state. We look at the life of the messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to understand this proverb and to understand what is required of us as
believers. And the first thing that we take from this is that the reality of life in general, does
not depend on perceptions and reputations. What does this mean? Many of us here today, we know this
		

			for a fact. In the community, perhaps there are people maybe from amongst us, whose reputations are
what's the reputations are that this sister, this brother, mashallah they come to the masjid,
they're smiling, they have good character, they treat us well. It's easy to treat strangers Well, it
really is. It's easy to smile, it's others in the community, I hope it's easy.
		

			But we know that behind closed doors, there are many people who are mistreating those who have a
right upon them, a sacred right in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. And of course, these are
things that remain behind closed doors. And every one of us knows that the most difficult of
relationships are those that are closest to you why we have more interactions, less space and less
privacy. So generally there will be more conflict, we are a test for one another.
		

			But if we are showing the communities outside of the home, that we are upstanding, upright
character, in all of our interactions, and behind closed doors, we are violating the rights of our
spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings, our relatives, than we are misunderstanding an
important facet of Islam. For the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his character behind closed
doors was like his character outside with the community. He was merciful. He was compassionate. He
gave quality time he expressed his love and appreciation for the people in his life. And often times
we overlook the importance of this.
		

			Usually in lectures related to this topic, I'll ask everyone in the audience to text a loved one. I
love you, or I appreciate you. And every time we hear some responses, oftentimes the response is I
love you, too. I appreciate you, too. Thank you for the message. But generally speaking, there's
always that surprising, shocked response. So my husband says to his wife in a message in a lecture
like this, I love you. And then his wife responded that the she'll tell you to write that.
		

			In another instance, a daughter sends her mother a message. I love you, Mom, thank you very much for
everything that you do.
		

			She said Don't forget to buy eggs and milk on the way home.
		

			And the third, and really the most shocking.
		

			One of the spouses sent a message and said, I love you. And the response was why
		

			they had not been accustomed to hearing I love you. And so to say I love you became confusing,
something is going on, what do you want for me? What's going on.
		

			And this should be a normal thing in our lives, to express appreciation and love for the people in
our lives, those who are closest to us, those who have a right upon us. And this is a true
reflection of who we are.
		

			One of the community members in Michigan, he said, I taught my children using this proverb, Charity
begins at home, I taught my family and my children three lessons based on this. The first is do not
give an expect in return. Now we know as Muslims that in general, we love to gift and we love to
reciprocate. But when you are taking care of your family, when you are treating your spouse, your
children, your parents, your siblings, with what Allah asked you to do, you're doing so for the sake
of Allah subhana wa Tada. So if they are not fulfilling that, right, you are still fulfilling and
unconditional, right? You're not expecting them to reciprocate. Having said that, we all know no
		

			doubt whatsoever that every relationship has its give and its take. And if you're always giving, if
you're always giving, and the other person is always taking and they're not giving, you're going to
find some hostility in the relationship, some tension, something that is missing. And so we're
always giving as much as we're taking an even more. The second lesson, he said, When you give, do
not be inconsistent with your spouse, with your children, with your friends with your relatives, our
character, our compassion, our kindness should not be inconsistent, coming and going randomly. So
that's when we are coming to them. They're wondering what's going on, you're in a good mood today,
		

			what's going on? Now, we should always be in a state of compassion, a state of respect. And of
course, we have our downtimes no doubt, but we should not make it a matter of inconsistency. And
number three, he said, I taught my family not to focus on only grand gestures. So not to wait for
something big. And then to say, I love you. And this is the occasion and I'm done. And they're
asking you all year round father and mother, spouse, husband, wife, how come you don't love me with
your actions? And this person will say but don't you remember when I did this major thing on this
major dates? Don't you remember the grand gesture and the reminding them again and again and again
		

			of what they've done for them. Don't focus on grand gestures. The best amongst you are those who are
best to their families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best
amongst you are those who are best to their families. May Allah subhana wa Tada make us from amongst
them say I mean,
		

			our oma in its entirety depends on what it depends on communities all around the world. And every
community like this one here today is established upon and it is built upon the structure of the
family units. So when there is a problem in the relationship of the family and the family is
breaking down, will notice the impact on that community. And if that break of this building is
broken down what happens to the structure of the OMA. When we build our relationships inside the
home, and you invest quality, time, and appreciation and gratitude and energy and emotion, with your
family with your loved ones behind closed doors, then naturally speaking, what happens outside of
		

			the outside of the home will be even better. In other words, it is easy to have the outside
character. But if we want to take our Ummah to the next level, we must, we must, we must be amongst
those who are mentioned in this hadith, the best amongst you are those who are best to their
families. May Allah subhanaw taala make us from amongst them. Today there is an increase and every
one will observe. There's an increase, especially in the United States when it comes to social
justice and activism. And this is not a bad thing. So long as it's done properly. There's an
increase in the number of people being motivated to give in charity, not necessarily a literal
		

			charity, but to advocate for causes outside of the home. There are many people who will join many
protests in the community. And that's a great thing Al Hamdulillah
		

			but we're living in a time and in a society in which the family structure and the family unit is
endangered. Individualism is increasing the family unit is breaking down. What happens when society
		

			emphasizes so much this charity, this advocacy outside of the home, at the expense of what's
happening inside the home. And so yes, we want to advocate for causes. We want to be active and
engaged, no doubt whatsoever. Don't misunderstand me. But we cannot forget the structure that we're
supposed to advocate for, for inside the home itself. The best amongst you are those who are best to
their families. When we think of how we deal with our siblings, our spouses, our children, our
parents, I want you to remember the following concept
		

			that your treatment of other human beings especially those who are in your home, your treatment of
other human beings is an extension of what you want and how you want to be treated by Allah
subhanahu wa taala what do we mean by this? Do unto others what you wish for Allah to do to you?
I'll give you some examples. These are all from the authentic sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam number one, be merciful to those who are on the earth and Allah will be merciful to
you, in your home and outside of your home. Be merciful to those in your home and outside of the
home. And Allah will be merciful to you. Number two, spend and charity on those in your home and
		

			outside of the home and Allah was spend on you, and filthy Ebina Adam on chronic number three,
conceal the faults of those in your home and those outside of the home and Allah will conceal your
faults and your shortcomings. Number four, alleviate the hardships of other people in your home and
outside of the home and Allah will alleviate your hardships. Number five, be in the service of
others and Allah will be in your service whether they are in your home or outside of your home. Will
Allahu Thea only loved McConnell have do you have any early number six? Pardon and forgive
especially those who you are living with? Especially your loved ones behind closed doors? Pardon and
		

			forgive why because you want to Allah to forgive you while your food while your spouse Oh ALLAH to
her gonna yell fit Hola. Hola. Come, let them pardon and forgive. Do you not wish for Allah to
forgive you? It's a rhetorical question asked by Allah subhanahu wa Tada. Number seven. thanking his
creation is a way of thanking Allah subhanho wa Taala and increasing our connection with him. All of
these are minor examples. But they are very commonly found in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa salam, my brothers and sisters, our lives are very short. And we know this. And every day
we're praying Janessa upon many of our brothers and sisters, we don't want to be amongst those whom
		

			in our communities at the janazah are crying because they cut off their father, their mother, their
sibling, their relative, their spouse, their children, they cut them off over a petty matter. And
then when death came along, they realized it really was superficial.
		

			About six years ago, in Edmonton, Canada, we were giving a series of lectures on the topic of social
responsibility. And one of the topics that we had that night at Salatin mothering was about the
importance of the rights of children and the rights of parents both.
		

			And after Salatin leveled at those who would pray in the masjid. Often times, they would be coming
to pray and to leave. But because they heard the lecture, they remained.
		

			So someone came up after the lecture, and he was visibly crying, and he wanted to talk. And he knows
this is being shared today. He said, I cut my father off six years ago, I cut my parents off six
years ago. And they don't know anything about me or my children. I've completely blocked them.
They've tried multiple times. They've tried to reach out to others. They tried to have mediators.
But I became so arrogant, I cut them off. And I justified it. And I justified it. And I justified it
and time passed by. And now six years have passed by six years. He said I cannot regain those six
years. I cannot recover those six years. They said Will Allah ever forgive me? Will Allah forgive
		

			me? And of course that night, he reached out to his parents and of course Alhamdulillah they were
very receptive and open to reestablishing a connection. But why is it that we even consider or allow
the potential for a relationship so sacred, so important to fall apart with something petty? May
Allah subhanaw taala preserve our relationship say I mean,
		

			the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the best amongst you are those who are best to their
families. The best amongst you are those who are best to their families. The best amongst you are
those who are best to their families. What are some practical things we can take from this number?
		

			Want to preserve our relationships behind closed doors, and to repair our relationships behind
closed doors, we need to have a sincere intention, we need to move aside our egos. Because if you
want to repair any relationship, that ego will be the greatest obstacle, that self that neffs will
be the greatest obstacle. If you want to repair a relationship behind closed doors, we must have a
genuine, a genuine sincere intention built upon conviction that this relationship will be repaired
in sha Allah. And don't wait for the other person. Don't wait for your wife, your husband to reach
out first. Don't wait for your son, your daughter to apologize. First, don't wait for your mother or
		

			your father to reach out first. If you want to repair a relationship that you know Allah will ask
you about, then you reach out first because you've done your parts. Number two,
		

			spend quality time with family. We're living in an era in which our devices, our phones, our
technology, it's so oft used and commonly found in setting social settings that you might see at
times your own family sitting in a gathering. And maybe for perhaps for a moment, it becomes silence
because everyone's looking at their phone, maybe for a moment to become silence because everyone is
distracted with something else. And at times people start to struggle with their socializing. At
times people sit down and say I don't know what you say anymore. But people didn't have these
problems for 1000s of years. Spend quality time with your spouse, with your parents, with your
		

			children, with your relatives with your friends. There is nothing like quality time, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was an example of that. And number three, don't allow anything or anyone
to get in between you and the family unit. That family is your building block. That building block
is one of the blocks of the structure of the OMA, you have a responsibility whether you're a husband
or a wife or a parent or single or your child, every one of us has a role to play with the structure
of our Ummah and if we want our Ummah to thrive, we cannot keep looking to other people and blaming
other people and not taking responsibility ourselves. Don't allow anyone or anything to get in
		

			between you and your family. You are one team may Allah subhana wa Tada preserve us and our
families. Remember remember remember the words of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the best
amongst you are those who are best to their families I want you I want you to say it's the best
amongst you are those who are best to their families the best amongst you are those who are best to
their May Allah Subhan Allah Tada make you and I amongst those who are best to our families. May
Allah subhana wa Tada preserve our relationships and repair our relationships. May Allah subhanho wa
Taala as he gathered us here, Allah was to enter Jana in the gates of Jana smiling and holding the
		

			hands over families and as we are gathered here today, may Allah subhanho wa Taala allow all of us
with our families and our loved ones and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam to be reunited in
the highest levels of Jana was Holly Allahu Allah Allah Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam
alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh