Suhaib Webb – Ramadn Reflections Part 4 I’m Changing!

I had 9,000 records

all in my room.

I used to steal

recycle bins

in the neighborhood

and use those to put,

put my records in there

because I couldn't find crates that could hold

all those records.

I started DJing when I was 11. You

would walk into my room, there was 2

technique 1200 turntables,

Gemini mixer. It was something that was integral

to my existence. I went and prayed Asar

at this mosque in Oklahoma,

And I

had

all this DJ equipment, and then, you know,

you couldn't take 9,000 records with you, but

the latest, greatest stuff.

I didn't know how to pray really yet,

so I was watching people pray,

and trying not to let them see me

watch them

pray. And then I know I'm going to

DJ at this party,

and it's like this tremendous sense of guilt.

So I I almost, like, ran out of

the mosque. You know?

And this one brother, and he was like,

man, you know, what is that stuff in

your car?

It was like the question I didn't want

anyone to ask me.

I didn't know what to say. And I

went to the party that night. The party

was pounding, man. You know, it was like,

yeah. It was good. You know?

And and then

Maghreb is going out.

So

I'm trying to figure a way

how I can pray and DJ at the

same time. So I'm in the booth DJing.

Right? I found this extended remix of this

song by Doctor Dre. Right? And I remember

being happy

that

this is the extended remake, so I can

actually go make wudu and pray Maghrib.

So as I'm going to the restroom,

and hear the irony of change starts to

come out. Right? Like, I'm happy I found

this record so I can worship.

The farther I get away from

the place, the louder the bass gets, so

the bass is still following me wherever I

go. And I think that's symbolic of change.

Like, it's very rare that you can just

separate yourself from

the mistakes.

So I'm making wudu,

and again, when you're a convert, wudu is

basically like a part time job. You just

don't go in there and, like

like, it's not like,

you know,

a a Shaolin Temple move that you can

do quickly.

And I remember while I was praying,

I heard people dancing to the chorus. I

would have moments where, like, I'm in the

prayer, and then that remix just pull me

out. So I'm like struggling to focus and

getting pulled out to the beat, struggling to

focus in prayer,

and and then there's like

a really an infinite number of energies because

I'm just struggling to pray right, let alone

to have, like, focus in prayer, like just

making sure I pray right. And in that

little 3 or 4 minutes,

that really is life.

Right? Very rarely do we amputate our self

from our evils, but our evils somehow follow

us or are things that we want to

change. You know, Islam is an event, but

Islam is also a process. Very rarely can

we completely change everything. We can amputate everything.

In fact, sometimes that's more harmful.

But

adapting and realigning things, and negotiating things, and

improving things,

I think really is more

in line with faith and submission

than just complete amputation,

either this extreme or that extreme.