Suhaib Webb – Fiqh of Nikah – Part Five

AI: Summary ©
The conversation covers various issues related to long absence, including the importance of marriage, legal capacity, and finding a strong reason for marriage. It also touches on the difficulty of finding a child who is different from their parents and the importance of finding resources and avoiding double-stuffing. Long absence can be defined based on various factors, including whether a woman is married to a partner, her marital status, her desire for a new marriage, and the need for informed people involved in the process. The conversation concludes with a discussion on finding the right person for a marriage proposal and the importance of writing a marriage contract in a legal document.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim, alhamdulillah, wasalaamu alaykum
to everybody.
It's nice to see everybody, alhamdulillah.
And to be back, my apologies, my five
-year-old was like, you're not leaving.
I was like, I have to go and
she didn't, you know, she won an Academy
Award for being upset, mashallah.
So, I had to stay for a little
bit and calm her down.
So, we've been going through, we went through
now four sections related to, like, family law
within the context of marriage.
And last time, which seems like it's been
forever, we talked about not having witnesses and,
like, why we should be careful of that
kind of stuff.
And then also we talked about conditions put
into the contract.
And you have to remember that the context
of that was in the foundations of the
contract, like, what are called the arkan.
Like, arkan of Islam, right, the five pillars
of Islam.
So, these are, like, the pillars.
And the reason they're given that name is
that they deal with the maahiyat al-shay,
which means that they are in the essence
of the actual act.
So, like, fatiha is a pillar of salah,
because it's in salah.
So, it's something which is essential to, it's
a particular of the whole being itself.
You can understand it that way.
Like your heart, your liver, your intestines, right,
those would be like your arkan.
You couldn't function without your lungs.
Now we're going to talk about, in the
next few weeks, the conditions of marriage, what
are called shurut.
And the shurut is something that happens outside
of the action, like wudu and salah.
And it is essential for the action to
be valid.
And so, someone may ask, like, what's the
wisdom in having, like, conditions for different aspects
of Islam?
It's a nice statement here.
Islamic law establishes specific conditions in the context
of marriage that go beyond the contractual agreement
itself.
Like that foundational contractual agreement.
These conditions are designed to prevent illicit relationships,
to protect people from harm.
So, therefore, like the requirement to publicly announce
the marriage.
It protects people from harm, from being accused.
As well as the presence of a guardian
that we're going to talk about tonight, Wilaya,
its goal is to protect from harm.
One of the great foundations of Islam is
that harm should be removed.
أَضَّرَرُوا يُزَارُوا It's one of the five major
axioms of Islamic law.
It guides, especially the jurist, when there's no
text.
There's no text, there's no religious text.
So, that's where you heard about it, probably,
like, مَقَاصِرِ الشَّرِيَةِ Objectives of sharia.
How do I make sure, like, harm is
being, sort of, shepherded here?
Additionally, the law prohibits, as we'll talk about,
a woman from independently officiating her own marriage.
We can think about, especially in that time,
when there was a lack of literacy, so
many other things.
It's a way for someone to be, especially
a woman, to be hurt.
A woman was very much part of her
tribe, part of her village, part of her
people.
It encourages the public declaration of marriage, as
neglecting this requirement can lead to unlawful unions.
The point here is that these conditions that
we're going to talk about are meant to
protect both parties from harm and to ensure
that the marriage is sharia compliant.
So, it's like an added layer.
It's like a VPN, right?
It's an added layer of protection, if you
will.
And also, it reminds us that marriage is
not merely a means of personal fulfillment, but
it's like a bond that has a systemic
impact.
Like it impacts our parents, impacts our children,
impacts community.
Allah says, فَجَعَلَهُ نَسَبًا وَسِهْرًا وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ قَدِيرًا
In Surah Al-Furqan, the 25th chapter, Allah
says this, He made marriage as a means
of lineage and kinship.
Now, we understand marriage also has this goal
of creating family, as well as relations with
our spouse's family.
And your Lord is all-powerful.
So tonight, what we'll do, we'll talk about
two, I think two of the primary conditions
of marriage.
One of them we sort of talked about
before was the witnesses, right?
In the context of, and we're going to
talk about that again as well, secret marriage,
why we should run from that kind of
stuff.
But the first condition is the specification of
the spouses.
We have to know who's getting married.
So the identity of both individuals entering into
the contract must be clearly specified.
Why?
It's a contract.
It's a aqid.
But actually the Quran refers to marriage as
even more than that.
وَأَخَذْنَا مِنكُمْ مِثَاقًا مِثَاق, I don't even know
how to translate it.
It's like a covenant, actually.
It's probably the better word.
It's like a covenant between you and your
spouse.
مِثَاقًا غَرِيظًا Like a severe covenant.
So therefore, like both parties should be known.
It's not allowed to buy something from someone
that you don't know.
This is because clarity is fundamental to the
validity of the contract.
For instance, a statement like, you know, I'll
just marry to one of my sons.
It's not going to work.
I'll marry, like, you can marry one of
my daughters.
Right?
It's not going to work.
It's too ambiguous.
It's insufficient.
The guardian must explicitly identify which daughter is
being referred to or son is being referred
to.
And so how does that work out in
America?
This applies to contracts.
And that is why today it is really
like me personally.
For me to do a marriage contract, you
have to have government IDs.
Just like downtown.
Like if you go downtown, it's like, yo,
we just want to get married, you know.
Okay, sure.
Right?
Because it can lead to problems.
So you could think about it in that
context.
In ancient times, there are ways that they
tried to affirm someone's identity, and they considered
it a condition for the validity of the
contract.
Because if there is ambiguity about who is
getting married, then the contract falls apart.
You want to think about it that way.
So now if you go to Masajid or
you go to, I honestly believe that what
we should be doing in this country is
sort of what we did with care.
Every city, and I don't want to go
on a tangent, so forgive me, this is
something I thought about for a long time.
Every Masjid, every non-profit, should donate like
$5,000 to $10,000 a year to
one entity.
And that entity only does three things.
Marriage, divorce, and inheritance.
And claims of abuse.
Spiritual abuse.
You name it, right?
And then you hire.
With that money, you hire shuyukh, you hire
case workers, you hire therapists.
That's all they do.
You want to get married, you go there.
Want to get divorced, write an Alcor settlement,
go there.
Issues around inheritance, go there.
It's too much strain on non-profits, trust
me.
As someone that used to work in them
to handle all of the family issues.
So like in every city in America, this
is where you go.
Want to get married, this is where you
go.
And then they can use the money as
a revenue stream that they make from charging
people for their weddings to operate and scale.
Think about this.
I think it would be a good idea.
Yeah, but also like you don't have to
worry now about it being chaos.
That's all they do.
And then those imams who work for those
muftis, they're not stressed.
That's all you do.
You're like the faqih of nikah, dude.
You're the sheikh of nikah.
You want to get married, you go here.
Go to the DC Muslim Marriage Board.
Boom.
And it's handled.
And they can probably schedule that out a
year in advance, people getting married.
So I think that that's where we have
to think about like if we really want
to scale and we want to receive what
we expect.
Muslims expect a lot, but their non-profits
are ran sort of on a shoestring operation.
So that would be a way of making
sure we know who's who.
So I'm sure if you went to a
place like that and you wanted to get
married, you'd have to have documentation.
You'd have to have proof of who you
are.
The second condition is mutual consent.
It's actually a prerequisite for the validity of
marriage.
Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says,
لَا إِقْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ لَا إِقْرَاهَ فِي النِّكَاهِ
Although within some mathahib, especially this is before
our time, when women were marrying actually as
minors, it just existed in the world.
At that time, that's when you read in
classical books of fiqh, sometimes the translation is
lost.
Well, if she's young, her father can marry
her till he wants.
Well, that's because she was a minor.
Of course, for us, that's not our custom.
Nobody does that anymore.
But don't get it if you're 32 years
old and like, well, your father can marry
you.
That doesn't apply to you.
20-something doesn't apply to you.
These were children.
Of course, now we're not about that life.
Ibn Rushdi says, the great jurist, he says,
there is a consensus amongst jurists that mutual
consent is required for marriage.
Consent of who?
The spouse between two mature individuals.
His language is important.
He says mature because he lived in a
time, again, where you had minors that were
getting married, who possess full legal capacity over
their own affairs.
The only exceptions are a mentally impaired adult,
defined as someone with this diminished intellect, incoherent
communication skills, limited understanding, and disordered reasoning, who
could possibly be married off by their legal
guardian.
Although Imam Malik, by the way, he opposed
this, as did Abu Hanifa.
And a mentally incapacitated person if placed in
the care of, say, like, a suitable partner.
So the person who is caring for them
is who married them.
So that would be what Ibn Rushdi is
saying.
In cases where someone lacks mental capacity, then
that's where you'd have a compulsory-like relationship.
But again, jurists didn't agree on this.
We talked about, and I shared that long
article from Dr. Zeynep.
Maybe some of you remember.
I put it back as I reorganized this
text.
But compelling a virgin to marry someone.
And this fascination with virginity, as it plays
out sort of in the modern Muslim psyche,
is something that's problematic.
Because it's one-sided.
Nobody cares about that guy.
That's a problem.
Abu Hanifa, Malik, Ahmed, and Shafi, the four
Sunni Imams, maintain that their father cannot compel
a mature virgin into marriage without her consent.
It's an agreement amongst them.
Based on the statement of the Prophet ﷺ,
a virgin cannot be married off without her
permission.
And in another version, a widow cannot be
married off without her consultation.
So you have both.
What's the ruling?
And we talked about this briefly as well.
Sometimes I meet people, and they're like, well,
this person proposed to me.
She's a really nice person.
I like her family, but I don't want
to marry her.
I don't have that kind of feeling.
And then the person feels really guilty.
I can't believe I'm going to say no.
Allah is going to afflict me with an
infinite number of plagues.
First of all, you're not that important.
There's some subtle narcissism.
Sometimes there's subtle narcissism in a'adhaab.
I'm so special that when I get punished,
I really get punished.
It's kind of weird, right?
Then on the other end, of course, young
women will come and say the hadith, if
a man comes to you and his deen
and his character please you, marry him, or
there'll be fasad fil ard.
There'll be great corruption in the earth.
I said no, and I'm worried now.
I'm the reason that the whole entire earth
is going to fall into corruption.
You always want to be careful when you're
around people who use text that they're not
manipulating you with text.
They can guide you, but ultimately you should
be able to make a choice for yourself.
And I have a problem with how Muslims
are over-reliant on religious leadership to make
even some of the most mundane decisions for
them.
We need to encourage people to like trust
that where Allah will take you.
And if you're acting on a text, if
you're acting on teachings, don't try to micromanage
this.
It can be a difficult situation.
So the ruling on a woman's response or
a man's response or the guardian's response on
their behalf is one of permissibility.
Like you can say yes or no.
It's not fard.
The hadith of the Prophet ﷺ about if
a young man comes to you and his
deen and his khuluq please you, it's more
like a warning, like an encouragement.
But we don't take from it that it's
fard to say yes.
It's if the guardian forces the daughter into
marriage.
It can be an old.
We gave the narration last time, right, of
that young woman who came to the Prophet
ﷺ related by Imam Ahmed in the Musnad
who came to the Prophet ﷺ and said,
my father forced me to marry someone.
I don't like him.
And the Prophet ﷺ called him and he
was about to annul the marriage.
And she said, no, no, no.
I just wanted to show women that they
had this right, right, from Imam Ahmed.
And subhanAllah, it doesn't like, very rarely doesn't
work when I've seen men or women forced
into marriages.
Like especially here, maybe in other social settings,
the understanding is like eventually we'll figure it
out, right?
But here, people have options, right?
And that's just the reality.
Like they have options for marriage.
And my own experience as a father, when
you crush your children's or adults' children, when
you crush their agency too much, like you
kind of harm them in a way.
Like it warps their ability to like grow
into adulthood.
And it can lead like, they can blame
you later on in life.
I told you my 23-year-old told
me, I'm not a convert like you.
Like I'm not crazy about religion like you
are.
I was like, you know, I don't want
to hear that, but I'm glad you said
it, right?
Like relax, bro.
And she said like, I was born riding
a bike.
You learned how to ride a bike.
So you're like crazy about the spokes and
the wheels and the tires and I was
born Muslim, bro.
Like I'm good, you know?
So there's a tough balance between living vicariously
to our children and guiding our children, being
an advisor, being a supervisor.
You got to be smart.
May Allah give us Tawfiq.
Allah says that your parents, رَأَيْتُ الشَّمْسُ وَالْقَمْرِ
Yusuf said, I saw the sun and the
moon.
He said, the sun and the moon are
his parents.
Because the sun, its job is to provide
heat and light, but too much heat will
do what?
It will burn you.
Too much light can blind you.
And the moon, its job is to guide
you at night when things are ambiguous.
That's the job of parents.
So there's a beautiful metaphor here in the
Quran that the role of parents in life
of their children and the young adults is
to be like the sun and the moon.
Too much light, you can blind, you can
burn.
Too little light, people get lost.
And the moon, its job is to illuminate
light in the night so people can travel.
So our job as parents is to illuminate
night, light in the dunya so you can
stay on Sirat al-Mustaqim.
It's like really beautiful, Alhamdulillah.
But we have narrations where the Sahaba, you
know, like Urwah, and others that, you know,
Umm Salama and other people, the Prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam, Uthman, Omar, like they proposed to
people and they said no, or people proposed
to them and they said no.
Yes, ma'am.
I had a quick question.
You might have talked about this last time,
but you talked about how both parties have
to have like legal capacity.
I think that's the word you used.
So I think I've often seen a lot
of harm fall out of marriages where one
party or the other, maybe they, you know,
they marry a person in another country or
something like that, and then they suddenly don't
have maybe the kind of agency they would
formally have had.
And it can sometimes, not always, but sometimes
it puts people into a situation where like,
oh, well, now I can move to another
country to marry someone and I suddenly can't
drive, don't have access to money, I don't
have a job anymore, right?
And then a lot of things happen that
if they had that kind of agency, maybe
would not have happened.
Does the law go into any of those
kinds of requirements?
So we talked about like in the beginning,
like premarital counseling, taking steps to know one
another.
I think it's very important that, you know,
to frame expectations.
Like what is life going to look like
together?
That's the question you want to ask.
And then like, okay, so then what is
life?
Let's break life down into parts.
And then we can discuss each part.
And where do we land?
Like, are we able to like find commonality
or is it like, no, you're going to
move here, you're not going to do anything,
you're going to stay home.
So oftentimes those things are never discussed.
That's where you lose agency because now I'm
in a contract, now I'm married to somebody.
So my, in Islam we have something called
tasawwur.
Tasawwur means the ability to conceptualize something.
So I need to be able to, as
best I can, conceptualize what life is going
to look like with this person.
And that's going to be rooted in the
best way to address tasawwur, like in the
Islamic system, is al-as'ila, is to
ask questions.
So that's a tough one.
Like when people get into that position, same
people come here, right, to get married.
And they're not ready for like what America
brings.
The cost, the pressure, the lack of like
how family plays out overseas is very different.
The time you have to be with family
overseas is very different than here.
So that's a tough one.
So it's addressed in the sense of, yeah,
before you get married, know each other and
know what life is going to look like
together.
I think that's, sure, you don't have to
feel shy by asking questions, alhamdulillah.
I know I had family members in France
who would have children.
I mean, they're quite young right now, but
have children who are differently abled.
I might have used the long term for
that, but differently abled.
And I was wondering if you do have
a child who's maybe differently abled or, you
know, they're reaching a stage of adulthood where
maybe they would be looking for marriage.
Are there, like what are the considerations you
have to have to...
Give me an example, Lu.
So like, for example, if you have a
child who has a certain problem with Down
syndrome or if you have a child who
maybe is autistic or an adult who's autistic.
Right.
And that comes with certain, or sometimes you
have a child who maybe has a medical
condition of myocardial infarction.
You know, they need...
Absolutely, yeah.
Dialysis is something people deal with sometimes every
week.
Right.
So I guess you said that in certain
cases that can impact their maybe ability to
look for a spouse on their own.
But I feel like that's kind of a
slippery slope where I've also sometimes seen that
parents, maybe they have the best sense of
a child at heart, but it's difficult for
them to draw the line of like where
do I need to give the child agency
to like look for their own partner and
where do they not have that capacity because
of their condition.
It would be hard for me to give
like a blank answer, right?
Each case may be unique.
But what's known, like in Islamic law in
general, is if someone is not functionable, then
that's where the wali has the right to
marry them to somebody and choose a spouse
for them.
And then within, like say someone's on the
spectrum, right?
That's different.
They still have their agency.
They still have...
So Islam is gonna consider all those layers.
It's not just gonna be like black and
white.
Law is never black and white.
It's always that middle part where that's where
life happens actually.
You know, one of my teachers said, I
wish everything was halal and haram.
Like it would be the easiest job in
the world.
But most people are coming here in this
middle issue.
So that would actually almost need like maybe
even like a clinical diagnosis, right?
And this is, I talked about it before
where that interdisciplinary intersection kind of hits where,
okay, how do we determine if someone is
not like safi, it's like completely incapable of
thinking?
Well, their parents know.
They know, they can tell you, right?
So I think that it's gonna be in
levels of parenting.
And the best person to make this call
are the parents, not the sheikh and the
person based on their functionality.
So it's gonna depend on that issue.
And it's complex in a way, right?
So we talked about this last time.
One of the things that we didn't talk
about is like a wali proposing on behalf
of someone who he is responsible for.
We know that like Sayyidina Umar, he proposed
on behalf of Hafsa and the process when
he married her, but she accepted this marriage.
So I went, maybe some of you were
here then, I don't know how many of
you were here when we talked about the
idea of forcing specifically like daughters to marry.
There's a great essay, I put it in
the book, but the QR code is not
working now by Dr. Zainab Abu Fadl from
Egypt.
She's a brilliant legal scholar.
And she talks about this idea and she's
very critical of this idea.
And then she mentions the statement of Imam
Abu Hanifa, largely in the Hanafi school, you're
not allowed to create any impositions in contracts
because it threatens the validity of the contract.
Like a contract should be done like because
I want to, not because you have a
gun to my head.
Ibn Qayyim, who's a Hanbali jurist, he likens,
he says, if a mature and sensible virgin
cannot have her father manage even the smallest
bit of her finances without her consent, like
we know by agreement that a father cannot
go and take a girl's finances.
He can't.
So then how is it permissible for him
to degrade her and marry her off to
someone of his choice?
He's like, that makes no sense.
Her first right is herself.
And then she writes, Dr. Zainab, like this
is tantamount to slavery.
And actually what she's saying is true because
in classic Islamic law, a slave could be
married off without their permission.
I know I saw people with their hands.
I got you.
I forgot, sorry.
So like a slave cannot be married off
without their permission.
So that's what she's saying.
Literally now you're making your daughter like someone
who would legally be classified in ancient fiqh
as someone that was in bondage.
But that's not the relationship that a daughter
has with her father legally.
The daughter should assert her right to refuse
this marriage and her mother and family members
should support her.
That's the key right there in her opposing
her father's unjust actions as if he were
subjecting her again to a form of bondage.
Echoing what Ibn Qayyim said.
So she says, you can read this for
yourself.
It's in the book.
The book is not published.
In conclusion, I strongly support the daughter's right
to marry according to her choice and urge
her to resist any undue pressure or accusations
of dishonor.
This father is in the wrong.
And I'm glad she used this language.
Like this is a mistake.
It can even be sinful by these actions.
And I've seen this.
And this is not something that's widespread.
So it's being recorded.
I don't want like Islamophobes to use this.
I've seen situations where daughters are married for
green cards, man.
Or daughters are married for financial remuneration, which
is not allowed by the way.
And the young woman has seen it twice
in 30 years.
Has no say in like, and the community
didn't really stand up on her behalf.
It is haram.
Yes, you had a question.
Sorry.
So I'd like to go back to the
resolving of the marriage.
If it's forced, I know that you've been
saying multiple times that like law, they're both
per area.
But I'm curious about if it's more so
court.
So they're not explicitly forced, but there is
a very strong urging.
But then later on they're going, hey, I
want out.
Is it going to be?
So I have an entire section on annulments,
right?
That'll come later.
But your question, I think it's important.
Like, so let's say she wants or he
wants to try it out.
And after, you know, maybe it works for
a while.
Then it doesn't work.
So because it worked for a while, it
would be difficult to do an annulment, but
there could be a khul'ah or he
could divorce her.
And in the khul'ah, she could say,
we have a section of khul'ah that
will come.
She could say, like, I was forced to
marry him.
In the beginning, I had no choice.
Then I kind of liked him for a
while and I realized, you know, it wasn't
good.
If in the very beginning she went, then
they could annul the marriage.
Like at the very beginning if she was
like, look, you know, I don't mean the
first day, but I mean, let's just say
a little bit after she came and said,
listen, I just tried to do it for
Baba and Mama, but I don't like this
dude.
And I was forced to marry him.
Or even D, would, whichever party you need
to be able to provide the cassandral truths
that they aren't really that important?
No, because it, they may ask people to
come around the situation that could say, yeah,
she was forced.
But ultimately, like, they're both going to be
heard.
Like they're sort of centered.
But there may be secondary evidence here that's
sought, of course, because it's breaking a contract.
Right?
Yes.
Why?
So even if they cross it out, they
can't do that.
And Abu Hanifa himself was like, against all
of these things that you're mentioning, which is
unfortunate.
Right?
But you can't, you can't cross out the
right of khul'a because it's something that's
undetermined.
Right?
Let's say, God forbid, like, you know, people,
people sells that every seven years, except for
like a few cells.
They become, they're different people.
Right?
So let's say that Allah protects the man,
becomes an abuser.
Well, now, because we said, remember, when I
talked about the idea of rulings running according
to their causes.
So khul'a is something that comes because
of a cause.
So you can't, you can't cross it out
if it hasn't happened.
Right?
Like, that's not possible.
And also, that's the right that Allah has
given her.
It's in the Quran.
It's in Hadith.
You can't cross it out.
And so if she's, being mistreated, if she's
unhappy in the marriage, as we'll talk about,
not the kind of the Western shallowness of
happiness, but like, intrinsically unhappy in a marriage.
She has the right to get out of
the marriage.
Yeah, but I'm sorry, that's because a lot
of my friends who got married back home,
they would fight for the khul'a section
not to be crossed out.
But they, like, they don't do nikah if,
a lot of times, they won't do nikah
if you allow the section to be there.
Like, it's sort of like the takeaway though,
right?
This is, this is dhulm on women.
Yeah.
This is dhulm, yeah, dhulm.
Conversational conduct, where like, how do we navigate
this?
Like, who should we talk to when no
one wants to back out and talk about
it?
Yeah, I mean, this is, and this is
what's pushing people away from Islam, right?
Like, when this kind of systemic issues, corruption,
this is a form of corruption, right?
That's violating, so now, in the name of
sharia, we're going to violate, no, this now
became your sharia.
Like, it's not Allah's sharia, it's your sharia.
It's not allowed.
So, the requirement for the guardian, we're going
to talk about that today and we're going
to talk about, like, who should be the
guardians.
We'll go through a few different scenarios and
then we'll finish, inshallah.
But the guardian of a woman is the
individual responsibility for managing, is the individual responsible
for managing her affairs contractually, in relationship to
marriage.
We know that there is a guardian, which
is ijbari, which is compulsory, that's when she's
a minor, just like men, kids are minors.
So, if my son inherited, like, a bitcoin
mine from 2013, right, I would have to,
like, manage that for him until he was
an adult.
And then there is the wilayah, which is
ihtiyari, which is chosen, and we'll talk about
that as well.
But, in an ideal situation now, ideal situation,
the father, the baba, and the girl, and
the baba, they have a great relationship.
So, the context now, we'll talk about is
like, what's expected.
Then we'll break it into, like, what if
he's not?
What if he's absent?
What if he's incarcerated?
So, the guardian waliyah of a woman is
the individual responsible for managing her affairs, and
the majority of jurists maintain that the presence
of a guardian is a prerequisite, is a
condition for the validity of the marriage contract.
However, Imam Abu Hanifa holds that a woman
has the right to arrange her own marriage,
or appointment, or appoint someone else to do
so without the need of her guardian's consent.
He has a number of evidences, but one
of them is in the second chapter of
the Quran, verse 232.
So, Surah Al-Baqarah, 232, Do not prevent
them from marrying their former husbands.
And here you see the genius of Abu
Hanifa, like, even if, you know, Imam Malik
said, if Abu Hanifa told you a wall
was gold, you'd believe him.
Like, he's very smart.
Right?
Like, even when you don't agree with him,
you're like, how did he see this?
Like, mashallah, like he's very intelligent in his
school.
فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ أَن يَنْكَحْنَا أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ So, if you
speak Arabic, it says, أَن يَنْكَحْنَا You know,
this verb is a female verb.
It means that they married their former husbands.
So Abu Hanifa's argument is the verb is
female.
So they, here is women, married their former
husbands.
That means they can what?
They can marry.
You have to pay attention because Abu Hanifa's
a deep dude, man.
So the argument is أَن يَنْكَحْنَا يَنْكَحْنَا is
a verb which means a girl is marrying
her former husband.
It's not يُنكِحُ يُنكِحُ They are being married
by their dad or their wali.
No, يَنْكِحْنَا They are marrying themselves to who?
Their former husbands.
Abu Hanifa's argument is the verse shows that
a woman can marry herself because the verb
is for her.
It's a strong argument, honestly.
It's a strong argument.
Don't get me in trouble.
I'm Maliki.
I study Hanafi.
But I roll a team in.
My teacher was from Senegal.
He watches this.
I'm going to be in trouble.
Yes, ma'am.
It's a bit of an unlimited question but
how does a person go about choosing the
school of thought to live on?
I think what you want to do is
choose what resources are available to you.
It's like I had someone come to me
like I want to be I want to
be Zahiri.
Zahiri doesn't exist anymore.
Why would you be Zahiri?
Who teaches that?
I know one person in Detroit who teaches
Zahiri method.
And that guy the guy who asked me
he was in Florida.
It's like you can't get much farther from
Detroit than Florida, bro.
And then I'm like but all around you
are all these Hanafi teachers.
And this is not identity politics.
This whole thing about like I'm Maliki I'm
not crazy.
I'm not everything I'm answering is I'm Maliki.
I believe the best answer is what's best
for the people you serve.
Especially in mu'marat in day-to-day actions.
Right?
You have to think about the people.
Like what's your purpose just to quote a
book?
Well, they can read a book by themselves.
And also fiqh I said this many times
I don't see Islamic law as an extraction.
Abstraction.
It's living.
It's one of the problems.
It's a living law.
It's not a dead law.
It's not Latin.
And Al-Qarafi great jurist he said just
to quote books is to be astray and
lead people astray.
Like anybody can quote books.
Naqal, head.
So we call it a naqal head.
Just reading relating what they hear.
But we need aqal.
And that's why sometimes you get frustrated as
young people or younger people feel too old
when you don't find answers that you're looking
for because people are just quoting text.
They're not thinking.
Even though they might know in their mind
like there's this other opinion or I know
this might work or this will be better
for them because they've been it's like Shawshank
Redemption when he left he was institutionalized.
Right?
So you get out you kind of have
to think you get more concerned that you're
not you're not around that apparatus that protected
you when you were in the in the
doja.
But you need to like imams need to
serve the people.
If you have that training you need to
serve the people.
So the best is what resources you have
available to you in your area.
Right?
So in this verse the act of marriage
is attributed directly to the woman as the
subject of the verb.
That's what I'm looking for.
Sorry.
I'm a little tired.
So the subject is a female subject.
So Abu Hanif is like the actor on
the verb is a woman.
So this shows that a woman can marry
herself.
The majority they say no no hold on
sheikh hold on imam we respect you we
love you and we appreciate you but we
have too many ahadith and then we have
precedent of the sahaba.
And so that action there's a great axiom
that actions are louder than words.
So that's why sometimes even hadith might be
weak but you find madhab act on them
not because the hadith is weak because the
sahaba acted on that.
So the action strengthens the narration.
So here they're like well there's so many
examples of people getting married without a wali
and the sahaba saying no like Omar like
Ali yes ma'am No
I'm saying the other side the sahaba were
practicing that you needed a wali not Abu
Hanifa's position.
Yeah so I'm saying how do they argue
this verse of Quran they're saying you know
this is not talking about her marrying herself
this is talking about her okay yeah I
agree okay I'll marry take I can go
back to him that's one thing so there's
an interpretive device happening but then secondly they're
saying we have precedent where sahaba did not
marry without walis right so the opposite so
we're talking about now the argument back with
Abu Hanifa they cite several pieces of evidence
I'll just mention a few because this is
not a comparative law class you know the
statement of Aisha there's no marriage without a
guardian there's no marriage without a guardian there's
no marriage there's no marriage also from Sayyidah
Aisha that the Prophet ﷺ any woman who
marries herself without the permission of her guardian
her marriage is invalid invalid invalid some people
may ask like how could Abu Hanifa like
this way I have to be careful oh
how could Abu Hanifa go against these hadith
because Abu Hanifa's like this is the Quran
I have more trust in the Quran than
these hadith where he lived yes no no
not in Baqarah yes ma'am absolutely
we'll get to that yeah absolutely yeah we
talked about minors earlier no it's okay don't
be sorry this emphasizes according to them the
invalid that it's invalid for such a marriage
to be conducted without the guardian's permission affirming
the necessity of their involvement honestly I am
of the opinion like if people came to
me and they were already married this way
like I'm not going to say their marriage
isn't valid because this is the verse of
the Quran like Abu Hanifa is Abu Hanifa
so nobody freak out right but I in
engaging a marriage contract I will demand me
as the one who's doing it that it
needs to be wadi but we're going to
talk about that in a second additionally the
woman is considered yeah so you can read
that part what are the conditions for a
guardian people ask this question quite a bit
number one legal competence competence in general the
guardian must possess full legal capacity what we
talked about before a person lacking this such
as a minor or someone with any type
of incapacity is unfit to manage their own
affairs and therefore cannot oversee others affairs number
two presence we're going to talk about that
later on like they need to be in
the person's life we'll get into what that
means in a second and there should be
a male as mentioned in the hadith of
the prophet says some ideally we'll talk about
in a second like what are the tiers
of that like the father than who there's
a fourth condition that's different over I actually
agree with this condition that they should not
be evil people what I'm saying is like
a fasiq like drinking alcohol or gambling or
beats stuffful at someone abuses someone in the
home or is involved in criminal behavior that
kind of person in any type of contract
will be suspect why not in the marriage
contract is there any leeway given to that
person if the daughter says I don't want
this person for this reason I wouldn't impose
that on anyone but let's say the daughter
said listen my father I've seen this man
it's hard man like my father is not
a good person my father is not a
good person I don't feel comfortable with him
being like on the contract that's her right
yes ma'am there should be a Muslim
man but he should be as we said
here ideally not we're not talking about like
Al-Ghazali right I'm just saying he should
be a good guy right we also have
to be careful I've seen this one time
I came to a masjid and there was
a man outside crying this is down south
and I was like he was from Jordan
I was like what's wrong and he said
you know my daughter fell into some weird
cult and they said that because I don't
have a beard I can't be her wali
and I said let me guess the person
who told her that is the one marrying
her he's like yes so we went inside
and we you know we handled it this
is this is before 9-11 things were
a little different we took care of business
and Alhamdulillah I pulled her outside and I
was like listen I'm like you I embraced
Islam you are going to hemorrhage a relationship
with your parents your well she didn't embrace
Islam you're going to hemorrhage your relationship I
was telling her in my own relationship like
I'm a man and still my mama was
at my wedding my mama was like met
the person I'm going to marry my mama
met Marian in Oklahoma she went to Oklahoma
right before my mother died oh I like
her she's pretty Lebanese girl's nice okay you
know I was okay I was like yeah
I mean what can I say you know
but the point is I was trying to
say like I'm my parents aren't even Muslim
and they are involved in my marriage you
your dad's from Jordan and you're not even
involved with him in your marriage because he
has a beard are you insane and she's
like you know I don't know man these
people and then she kind of like started
slowly like getting out of this cult that
she was in and I said to her
man you need to run man go with
your daddy get in the car and go
right and so we have to be careful
when we say someone's a in the sense
that's not but what we mean is like
some of them are doing like really evil
stuff man oh sometimes they don't pray we're
not talking about this ideally people should pray
but what we're talking about is like robbing
banks you know abusing people ripping people off
maybe he sexually abused his daughter we've seen
this before all that stuff is what we're
talking about the priority of acting as a
Wali I'm going to give you the following
and you can we'll get to the practical
application of it when we finish sometimes you'll
notice that law is very impractical it'll give
certain points because often times it's leaving kind
of a leeway to the person so it
may seem that way but actually saying look
you kind of got to manage your own
stuff man like we're not going to coddle
you all the way through it which is
something I like about Islamic law it's not
Orwellian it's not upon you like this it's
interesting that modern Muslim states in the name
of Islam were very Orwellian right in the
name of Sharia imposing everything on people when
you read early jurists and their engagement with
new societies they're just like these are people
we're dealing with like these people need time
so the first of course is the father
ideally if the father is being a father
the father of a woman takes precedence in
arranging her affairs specifically in this context of
marriage this is because he's the most ideally
aware of her compassionate and protective of her
ideally with no one else sharing guardianship rights
alongside him this is the opinion of Ahmed
Abu Hanifa and Shafi the second is what
we would say is someone who he's given
sort of like the right of attorney like
who would execute his will if the father
has designated a guardian in his will so
let's say he wrote in his will that
this person will be the person who's the
wali of my daughter and the daughter agrees
and the person again is not robbing banks
and evil then ideally that would be the
second because of and also it's known that
the father wasn't doing this to punish her
and there's cases where this has happened in
Islamic law there was a man during the
time of Ibn Affan who divorced his wife
on his deathbed he died the next day
and then he said because the divorced woman
doesn't inherit Sayyidina Uthman he said like why
did he divorce you he's mad at me
he's like no no you're going to inherit
like this was meant to punish her she'd
been with him for decades right so again
there's some leeway here like was this person
chosen maybe I've seen this where fathers have
beef with their daughters to give her a
hard time the third is the grandfather on
the paternal side and also on the maternal
side because ideally they step in as sort
of the role of a fatherly figure ideally
in the life of the daughter so you
said this was the grandfather yeah dada or
nana nana right no dada both right nana's
mama dada's yeah forgot a lot I need
to go to kebab and cry and like
sit there for a few hours and get
it back or a kebab palace this is
the position of imam shafi and although ahmed
and ahmed there's always two opinions of ahmed's
school differ slightly they give the brother the
right over the grandfather so what I would
tell people is whichever one you feel most
comfortable with the fourth is the son and
his descendants if we just stick to the
without mentioning and the difference of opinion I
talked about a second ago.
The fifth is the brother full or paternal,
as well as his descendants.
And keep in mind, this is like legal
philosophy.
Like, this is not binding.
The father's binding.
Others, there's some differences of opinion.
Sometimes it's inferences.
Sometimes it's this and this.
Yes, ma'am.
I have a question regarding the United Arab
Emirates, specifically for the captive Arab repatriator.
So, let's say this person, like, they have
mokhi brothers, broad full brothers, and half brothers.
Let's say half brothers.
But, while you should identify mostly, if the
half brother versus the full brother, it's a
long side there.
Sure.
Would the half brother be precedence over the
full brother?
Absolutely.
And if they're both Muslim, then the full
brother takes precedence over the stepbrother.
Yeah.
Wait, so, I guess I'm being kind of
confused because, like, so...
If they're both Muslim.
You said one was not Muslim, right?
Yes.
Brother, stepbrother, you use synonymously here?
Yeah, synonymously.
Oh.
Yeah.
No, it's good.
You got it?
Yeah.
So, just to make sure, right?
So, let's say I have stepbrother and full
brother here.
I don't like this word.
I'm just using it.
And this is Muslim, this is not Muslim,
then the Muslim is my wali.
Okay.
Let's say they're both Muslim.
It's your choice, by the way, right?
Ideally, we would want to choose the full
before the step.
But this can be based on relationships, closeness,
proximity.
We'll talk about this all in a second.
No, thank you for asking.
It's a good question.
The paternal uncle is the sixth.
Seventh are closest male relatives amongst blood relations.
As-salamu alaykum.
And then finally, anyone entitled to inherit either
by a fixed share or through some portion
from the wali.
Thank you so much.
And then the last is, like, whoever she
feels comfortable with that is not a relative.
Say that none of these are there.
There's examples in this from the sunnah that
I put.
You can read them on your own.
If that is not possible, and so for
us, those of us who embraced Islam, like,
oftentimes, we don't have anybody to be our
wali.
So in the absence of a wali, the
local authority, we use authority, meaning authority for
wilaya, would be like the imam that she
knows.
Again, it shouldn't be anyone.
They should know this person.
Maybe it's the person that brought her into
Islam.
Maybe he and her, his wife.
Maybe there's somebody that mentored her.
You know, a family that she knows.
This is where you want to look for
having, like, wilaya.
You don't just go to the imam that
you don't know and say, you're my wali
now.
It makes sense in a way, right?
But imams are people too.
And so if they're not aware of, like,
the intrinsic sort of, as well as kind
of, like, who this person is, how are
you her wali?
So ideally, if that's not possible, then, yeah,
she goes to the masjid, listen, I need
to get married, I need to have a
wali.
I just need someone here to do it
for me.
That's acceptable.
We have the hadith, the ruler is the
guardian for the one who has no guardian.
We take the sultan now, we don't have
sultan, but we have leadership authority.
And so if there are no guardians, as
we mentioned before, present, the responsibility may pass
to those, the most reputable and capable, as
well as those who know her the most
in the community.
We have an important axiom in the Maliki
Madhhab, al-jama'a tu'atabir al-qadi
bi-adami.
When there's no qadi, the community became the
qadi.
Like the community.
Town hall leadership, if you will.
Yes, ma'am.
So if you have, let's say, I've seen
this a lot with my friends, for rebirths,
like, is it possible for like, let's say
the spouse of one of their very close
friends to be like...
Absolutely.
Yeah, I would encourage that.
Because also what else happens, that imam's gonna
get busy.
Let's say he's the wali for like 500
people.
One of those 500 people's gonna have a
problem in a marriage.
But he's gonna be so busy, and then
they're gonna put him online and say, this
guy didn't help me.
Well, it's not his fault.
He has no staff.
He's all alone.
He's 500 girls.
But he should never have done that.
He should have said, listen, I can find
someone if you don't know someone.
But if you have, like you said, like
if you have friends who are married, then
it's acceptable for their spouse to be your
wali.
Absolutely.
It's probably better.
Has it been like in the...
I think maybe in the US, we just
don't have as much practice to that.
Like I feel like when I talk to
my friends who are from other countries, it's
actually quite common if they have a friend
where like, oh, well, like, you know, maybe
her brother's passed away.
Absolutely.
It's quite common for a family friend, like
their husband or their, you know, uncle or
whatever to step in.
I feel like it's less common in the
US, maybe because of a weird gender dynamic
separation thing.
But sometimes the only person that they have
that knows them is like a friend's spouse.
In communities that we've embraced Islam, it's very
fluid.
It's very fluid with us.
At least, you know, ideally.
But again, go back to that marriage center
that I talked about.
No, you'd have people, okay, wali services, right?
So it's like a Costco for nikah.
And the whole community contributes to it.
And that's all it does is marriage, divorce,
inheritance.
That's it.
It takes all the pressure off the nonprofits,
but then it performs admirably and serves the
people and it can scale.
It would scale.
Because every day somebody get married.
Every day somebody getting divorced.
Yes, ma'am.
Sorry, I have to ask another question.
I feel like I'm missing something regarding tulali.
Like, I know you had spoken about the
women in the Quran being able to marry
themselves.
And I know that the responsibility of tulali
is beyond just marrying somebody.
But I feel like for you not to
be able to get married only because you
don't have a male at bigger in your
life, for whatever the reason may be, whether
you just don't have one or you don't
fall into any of these categories or you
just, you know, they all kind of whatever,
insert reason, is that a strong enough reason
for you not to be able to, and
not to marry you?
No, he should marry you.
We'll talk about it.
Yeah, he should.
Yeah.
I don't believe you.
You don't have bad intentions, but I don't
see why you have the best intention either
to go out of your way and bend
over backwards.
I could do that for myself, especially as
my goal.
With the understanding that obviously the wali...
I think just to get around the contractual
loophole and the difference that it may cause,
it would probably be best just to have
that imam sign that document in case you
want to go overseas, you want to go
there, and they're like, what was the wali?
It would just continue to kind of present
itself, right?
So in that case, it might just be
like, like you said, a lot of women
don't need walis, right?
A lot of women who became Muslim in
particular are older or younger, but they've had
a distilled experience in relationships.
They know how to be their own wali,
right?
So just get it done, hit the contract
up, peace out.
If I got a problem, I'll call you,
right?
That's kind of how it goes.
But I, when I was the imam, I
didn't like, I was like, I can't be,
like, I don't know you.
Like, well, I'm your wali, man.
And I don't know you too.
Like, what if you're crazy?
No, I'm just saying like, what if the
guy turns up dead tomorrow and then I'm,
no, I'm your wali, right?
It's just like, way to go, bro.
It's like social media, here we come again,
you know, and he married this mass murderer.
You know, so like, it's a double-edged
sword on that one.
But again, there are times where I've had
to say, okay, I'll be your wali just
so you can get, you can tell when
people really want to get married, man.
You know?
That's like a diggy bag question.
So like in contracts or witnesses, I think
it's like two males or a male and
two females.
Can you just have two females?
No, we talked about it last week or
two weeks ago.
It's all mine.
I went through that.
We're going to go to witnesses again, though.
So it'll come up one more time.
Yes, ma'am.
No, it's all good.
So the sticks kind of close to home
and the river.
I didn't have one specific male cousin that
also is Muslim, but I'm not supposed to
him for a reason.
But I do have a friend, husband.
I understand that as a line of priority
listed in the book.
But these are not obligations.
Those priorities aren't obligatory.
It's just ideals, right?
But you ultimately want to be able to
choose for yourself.
Let's get going.
Just sorry, guys.
I actually love the questions, but I know
we got information we want to cover and
people want to move.
So preventing the marriage, right?
The Wali have the right to prevent the
marriage from happening.
This is a question that I think I
get every week, at least two or three
times.
What's called Ta'adul, from Aadl.
With Daad, not Daad.
It's Ta'af, instead of Aadl.
Which is defined, Aadl is unjust prevention.
So I'm stopping something in an unjust way.
This occurs when the closest guardian refuses to
marry a woman to a suitable partner she
likes.
She's chosen despite that partner's compatibility.
So just for no reason.
Just to flex.
This is prohibited in Islamic law.
This is not allowed.
An example of this is the case of
Ma'qal ibn Yasir.
He says, I married my sister to a
man.
And he divorced her.
And after her waiting period ended, he came
back seeking to remarry her.
And I said, I married her to you,
I honored you and allowed you to be
with her, but you divorced her.
Now you're coming back, asking for her again?
You can see this happening.
By Allah, she will never return to you.
However, my sister wanted to remarry him.
So she's still, you gotta love Ma'qal.
Ma'qal's really honest about it.
But even though she liked him, I was
just like, no.
Because of pride.
And then he said, and then the verse
came, فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ إِنْ كَحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضُوا
بَيْنَهُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ Surah Baqarah, verse 232.
Do not prevent them from marrying their former
husbands.
So I said, now I will comply.
The Prophet was there.
The verse came down at that moment.
He said, O Messenger of Allah, and I
co-sign this deal.
And I get sad that you have a
verse in the Quran, فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ إِنْ كَحْنَ
أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ And people are arguing about this.
It's written in the Quran.
And affirming the woman's agency utility and the
sin of keeping her from that.
The ruling on guardianship in case of refusal
or long absence.
So if a woman chooses a specific suitable
partner for her and her guardian refuses to
marry to him without a valid reason, this
constitutes a form of injustice as we talked
about earlier.
In such cases, she has the right to
be married to the person she has chosen
by someone else.
So in that case, the wilayah can move
to someone else.
If she follows the opinion of the majority
of Abu Hanifa.
By the way, the Hanifi opinion, we need
to be careful.
Because while they say, yes, she can marry
herself without her wali, once her wali finds
out she's married, he could come and annul
the contract if he wasn't pleased with the
man.
So you have to be a little careful.
Don't be going crazy, you know what I'm
saying?
You're giving me trouble.
You can still come back and annul if,
it had to be adjudicated under certain conditions.
Let's talk about the long-term absence of
a guardian.
Number one is when communication is not possible.
So this is ancient times like the Silk
Road or off for battle or traveling.
So if the guardian cannot be reached by
letter, what we used to do is we
would send people certified letters.
That's how we try to find them.
Or direct communication, or if they receive the
message but fail to respond, the responsibility of
guardianship at that moment can transfer.
So they're just not answering their responsibility.
The second is like, what do we mean
by long absence?
And so ideally, long absence is going to
be defined by culture, like what's understood where
we live.
And perhaps here, maybe the best will be
to refer even to the courts.
How does the courts, with all its experience,
all its social sort of study, define what
is like long absence?
I don't have a definition for that.
In order to elaborate on this more, and
I'll finish now, I'm going to answer, I'm
going to share with you three answers I
wrote to questions that I got that are
like the most common questions around wilaya.
And then I added three fatwa of Dr.
Yusuf Qaradawi.
I'll tell you what the topics are.
They're kind of, they're not long, but they're
like, I don't want to read them to
you here, that I think also touch on
a number of very important issues related to
wilaya.
And the next week we'll pick up a
week after and talk about witnesses.
So number one is like an incarcerated father,
especially for those of us, not just us
who become Muslim, but you find it like
it happens.
Fathers are incarcerated.
This is a carceral state, man.
This state is, this country is built on
a prison system.
So I want to get married.
My father is incarcerated.
What do I do about my wali?
So the answer to this question lies in
that there are two different types of wilaya,
as we talked about earlier, but specifically in
this context.
So absence falls under two types, permanent and
temporary.
Incarceration falls under temporary.
Ideally, this person has like a life sentence,
whereas some of them don't.
And so in that situation, if the father
is unable to communicate his will to her
suitor's family, then she can appoint someone to
be her wali.
It's not possible to communicate with them.
It's like in a supermax, or they have
them in, or it's hard to communicate with
them also.
Like it's hard, it takes time.
The second question that I get a lot
are about negligent fathers.
May Allah protect us.
So my father is alive, even living in
the same city, but he abandoned me and
my mother when I was young.
He has nothing to do with me.
He does not want to see me.
What do I do when it's time to
get married?
This is like a devastating question that you
see more than you will imagine.
So I wrote like, I'm sorry to hear
about, I kind of acknowledge this person's sort
of pain.
I put abandoning a child is haram.
I send an irresponsible.
In the Mudawwana, though the Mudawwana is an
important book of practical law, we find the
scenario when a man has left his family,
and he lives in like Tangiers, and they
live in Medina.
So like let's say, this is before mass
communication, so let's think about this.
There was no way for them to communicate.
They live in New York City, he lives
in LA.
600 years ago.
So the apparent meaning of the statement of
Marik and others in the Mudawwana is that
she can be married without his consent.
Why?
Because it's impossible to communicate with the person.
So I understand this to apply to your
situation, even though he lives in the same
city, because it's not really about distance.
It's about lack of communication.
Like the issue here is that they're not
communicating.
So if this individual lives in the same
city, and if efforts have been made to
try to ask him to participate in your
life, and he refuses, what is the difference
between him living near you or far?
May Allah protect us.
The issue here is his participation in your
life, and absence is defined by presence, not
distance.
So in that situation, she can appoint her
own wali.
May Allah protect us.
The third question is also one that I
get quite a bit.
Specifically like in New York City and Boston,
I used to get this question quite a
bit.
My father's location is unknown.
I'm not sure if he's alive.
How will I get married?
This is for someone who...
Most women want to have a wali, in
my experience.
They feel like it's a safety net, if
you will.
If the father's life is unknown and his
location cannot be determined, the imam takes responsibility
for her marriage, imam that she knows, or
someone that she knows.
It doesn't have to be the imam.
It could be anyone.
In the same way he oversees her financial
matters, the imam steps in, excuse me, not
financial matters, or the person that she knows
to play the role of her marriage wali.
I need to correct something.
This opinion also is mentioned by Marek and
others in the search that her protection and
marital needs are no less important than her
financial assets.
The imam would therefore oversee her marriage, or
the person that she trusts would step in
and help out.
This...
It's gone.
He's not there.
Al-Jarrahi is a great scholar.
He's a great judge.
He's a genius.
He says if the father's life is unknown
and his whereabouts are also unknown, such as
in the case of a missing person, then
the imam is responsible for her marriage, or
the person she trusts.
Why does he say an imam?
Because these people work in a court.
So Al-Jarrahi is a...
He's writing in a court.
So he can't undermine the government, right?
You have to keep in mind, he lived
in a time where there's a system for
this.
Now we don't have a system like that.
So he's saying like government...
Because he's appreciating the systems of governments, where
he was, of governance.
Then she can choose someone who's responsible for
her affairs just as in any situation.
Her marital situation should not be treated as
less important than anything else.
This is the apparent position, as I mentioned
earlier, of Marek.
Then I added three fatwas.
You can read them.
Number one is...
And this is the question we get a
lot, preventing daughters from marriage.
We said earlier it's a major sin, but
this question gets into details.
That Sheikh Qaradawi answer is detailed.
This scenario, that scenario, this scenario, that scenario,
this scenario, that scenario.
And he says, unfortunately, I receive this question
a lot.
And in this situation, actually, it's her mother.
Like her father has died, and maybe her
mother doesn't want to live alone.
Right?
So she's like, I keep trying to get
married.
And if Amr came, my mom would say,
we're waiting on Abu Bakr.
Nobody's going to get accepted by my mother.
So what do I do?
And so he writes an answer, a very
detailed answer that I translated and put here
for you.
There's two more.
Preventing a mother from marrying.
So oftentimes we find women who are married
and they're widows.
There's this like shame around them getting married
again.
And the absence of a woman's guardian regarding
her marriage again.
Now the male, the father, is the one
who's saying, I can't let you get married
to anybody.
So he writes this fatwa about the widow,
as well as a girl whose father is
not letting her get married.
And then finally the ruling on a woman
marrying without her family's consent.
It's a question that comes up a lot.
It's often asked as well as a young
man.
So he writes a rather long answer.
I will try to get the new QR
code somehow to Lauren so you can have
access to the text.
And the next time we'll start to talk
about witnesses.
If there's any questions, we can take them.
Thank you.
Yes, ma'am.
So I have a comment and then two
questions.
So first, my comment was just thinking about
how you said, you know, we were talking
about like long absences or like incarcerations.
One, I didn't think that, like you're talking
about, oh, this was like really relevant when
there's like the Silk Road and things like
that.
But then I'm thinking about like everything that
we're seeing coming out of Syria and the
people are like missing.
Like they don't know where their fathers were
for like 10, 15 years.
And so like, I just, yeah, it felt
like it was really relevant to that situation.
Whether you are thinking about it in terms
of the long-term absence or incarceration.
If you had children coming out of that
jail that never seen the sky, never seen
birds.
And so, I mean, how are they going
to find their...
And then in Palestine, you know, you have
now, they have a designation for a child.
It's a new designation in contemporary warfare that
is like, is unwalid.
Like there is no fifth, sixth, seventh day.
Like they killed out the whole family.
So you have a child that has zero
like lineage.
Now we've made dua for Syria, by the
way.
May Allah give them Fatah and Palestine and
Lebanon and the whole situation.
Yeah.
And so that's one thing, as you mentioned,
the problem is not necessarily classical Islamic law.
The problem is the imagination to take classical
Islamic law and apply it to the present,
right?
That's their job.
They can't answer questions for us.
Like they were dealing with their silk world.
Like they dealt with this.
We got to deal with Syria, Palestine, Bakwas
rulers all over the Muslim world.
Like that's us, right?
So we have to have that imagination in
the US incarceration.
There's a relationship between that, you know, living
in Tangiers, living in Medina when there's no
communication.
Well, we have people whose parents don't want
to be in their life.
So we have to have the imagination to
go back and think, how does that apply
to, or does it not?
We can be critical as well.
You had another question, sorry.
Yeah, I have two questions.
So the first one, and I apologize because
I don't want to cause like a, I
know it's making COVID too, but I think
like, you might have answered this earlier too,
but I don't think I've ever questioned this.
And I think I've just come to accept
it and have no issues with it.
But just out of curiosity, why is the
requirement for, like the second condition for a
guardian to be of male gender?
It's hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon
him, and the practice of those early Muslims.
Oh, okay.
And then the...
But that doesn't mean that the mother don't
have nothing to say.
Yeah, I mean, it's smart.
Like anyone here is married, we know.
Your smartness to get what you want is
smarter than to keep your spouse happy, right?
That's the secret of marriage, right?
You know, you have to be able to
have, like I said, one time I was
at that conference, you know, give, give, give.
I was like, I want to receive, bro.
Like, he's like, you know, just in a
marriage, you just got to give, you got
to give.
The Sheikh's like, you just got to give
and give and give and give.
I was like, I want to take, bro.
Like, I don't mind giving, but I want
to take something as well, right?
So I have very rarely seen any marriage
work where people are careening into like extreme
feminism or extreme dudism that don't work.
It's not sustainable.
It's not happy.
It's not viable.
It's not electric, right?
You want, like, you want your marriage to
be harmonious.
So even then, like ideally, I mean, the
mother of the child should be also involved
in this to a certain degree.
Yeah, go ahead.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Last question.
Did you say sorry?
$5 donation.
Senator D.C.? Bitcoin?
I'm just going to apologize for that.
Get rich.
The question I had was, it's kind of
related to what you're saying.
So I know in certain cultures, and this
has happened to certain friends of mine as
well, it seems that when the marriage proposal
comes, there's a discussion amongst the father and
like the uncles.
And this is like a cultural practice where
it seems like the discussion is happening amongst
the ones or the, you know.
Responsible parties.
Right.
And then shows into.
I kind of wonder where, like, if you've
seen the situation or if you kind of
just have commentary about where, like, the mothers
and the aunts kind of go in the
situation, like what happens?
Because sometimes it seems like they don't really
have that much say in it because it
becomes like a competition.
Like it's like the father and the uncles
have their own opinion and the mother feels
like she doesn't have a say.
But I'm obviously the mother and the father
to me.
They should be the ones in this discussion
more so.
Than the father and like an uncle.
And the girl or the boy.
Right.
Yeah, absolutely.
So I can't, I mean, it's not my
culture, right?
So I can't comment on like that culture.
I can just say like the job of
the Wali is to facilitate.
And the exception to the rule is to
prohibit.
But the ideal job of the Wali is
just to like make it easy for everybody.
Not to like make it like roadblocks.
And number two is, why would people be
involved who don't know this person?
Like the mother knows this person better than,
maybe even better than the father.
So wise person is not going to do
that.
And then also this is not a like
celebrity death match.
Sorry, Gen X people.
To like frigging, like who's the best Wali?
Like it should be centered on what this
person needs, who wants to get married.
And so yeah, this kind of stuff, I
don't know how to like, I mean, I
don't have the cultural mass to take on
another culture, right?
Like there's not a lot of like Oklahoma
white people that are going to like get
my back.
So I, this is tough, man.
And I think it's very important.
You choose like imams that do your marriages
that are going to be like in it
like that.
Like, okay, like, no, this is not acceptable.
Where's the mother?
Why is the mother not here?
You know, why are you guys, why are
you here?
Like, for example, I would ask the guy
like, so what's her favorite food?
Like the eighth cousin, uncle, daddy on the
27th side from the village.
I'd be like, hey man, so what's the
girl's favorite color?
I don't know.
Why are you here?
Now if we ask her mama, what's her
second favorite color?
What's her third favorite color?
What's her fourth favorite?
Mama would know.
And the goal here is not pageantry.
The goal is correct information.
Like we want to make sure this is
going to work.
So consequently we need the most informed people
involved in the process.
So I think it's important that like, I
mean, in this country to a certain degree,
I mean, you have some utility to choose
who you want to do your marriages or
who you want involved.
I think that's where you kind of have
to start.
You know?
Yeah.
Yes, sir.
I just shared false information, but the QR
code is working.
You just need to click skip advertisement.
So yeah, the QR, if you need this
book, I'll post it later tonight.
It just, yeah.
That's okay.
It happens.
Alhamdulillah.
Yes, ma'am.
So I talked about this.
It's online.
Two previous, two previous classes.
Like you have to, it's formed to advertise
the marriage as best you can.
Like you're not like buying like boost and
stuff on social media.
I'm saying like, so yeah, I got married.
Alhamdulillah.
You know, people know, enough people know that
you're not suspected of doing something wrong.
And then if you have relatives that are
ratchet, no, they don't even know.
I mean, if there's people, I know they're
going to hurt me.
They don't need to know my business.
That's my life, right?
So people that I don't trust, people that
I question their intentions, people that I question,
you know, no, I don't have any obligation
to tell them because I'm worried about them
legitimately hurting me.
Yes, ma'am.
So my question is not necessarily to discuss
in this class, but I was talking to
a friend the other day and he echoed
two things that we weren't sure about because
the kinds conflicted about your styles being written
for you or if it's the choice that
you did commit.
So she might have built her one time
that was one of our...
Right, the shahs is goyas, we don't get
the option.
And then other kinds that that's one of
the toy chits where Gravatt was addicted, we're
right, that's what we did to pay.
Is there like, we don't have any sources.
It's just in people had told us.
And so we were confused.
The only thing that we get is what
Allah has decreed for us.
Like there's nothing we can choose that is
going to go against whatever Allah has chosen
for us.
No, no, thank you for asking.
I really appreciate you guys asking a lot
of meaningful questions.
It's a good sign.
Alhamdulillah.
I know sometimes it may frustrate us like
someone's like, people stop asking questions we want
to get through.
But like sometimes you learn more from the
questions than you learn from, you know what
I mean, the actual class, which is a
good thing.
That means people are involved.
Next time we'll talk about witnesses and then
we'll finish like the, the conditions for the
nikah.
And then we'll get into mahr.
Right, and go through some of the discussions
around mahr.
And then we'll get into some of the
mutual, I don't like the word rights.
It's very modern.
I like responsibilities as a word, like responsibilities
in marriage.
And then we'll talk about marriage life.
And then we'll talk about divorce.
And then we'll be done.
In like 20 weeks.
I told you it's like, it's a class.
Like people thought I was playing.
No, I'm not joking.
It was 60 weeks originally.
I dumped it down.
No, no, I said it's going to be
long and they thought I was joking.
They thought it was all just gonna be
in eight weeks.
And I was like, but this is marriage.
And as you're learning, probably in the class,
I'm like, oh, I need to know.
Oh, I'm glad I know that.
Oh, I'm glad I heard that.
Oh, man.
Right, so you and not, you know, everything
I'm saying is not right.
I want to make mistakes, but at least
now you have a starting point.
You can research, you can go, you can
ask questions, you can push in.
If you're getting a marriage contract done, some
of the stuff you can go back and
say, no, no.
What about this?
Like, what about this?
And listen, always be careful of any suitor,
male or female, who's not taking it seriously.
Like, why do you care about this?
What do you mean?
It's my life.
This is your life, right?
This is the future, right?
What does this mean?
How life will look.
So, yeah, I was serious.
They asked me, I said 60 weeks and
they thought I was joking.
And then they said eight weeks.
And then I said, OK, we'll do 20.
It's better than 60.
Yes, ma'am.
From now, 20.
20 classes or 20?
20, yeah, 20 sessions, yeah.
20 more hours.
Yes, ma'am.
In addition to all the, like, serious stuff
you got contracts, are you allowed to have
jokes?
Like, funny?
I have a friend who, in her contract
put that her husband would have last say
on all watermelon-flavored candies for their maritime
marriage.
Is that, like, allowed or not?
So the problem is he put in the
contract, it's in the contract.
You have to be a little bit careful
with, actually, there's a section, I skipped it
last time, on jokes in the contract.
Now I wish I had read it.
I was like, it's not going to come
up.
But now it did, right?
You know, I think I have it.
Hold on.
I think I actually have the section on.
Because some parts, I look at you guys,
I'm like, man, they're tired, man.
I want to read this.
This is hard.
Or, like, there's a lot of legalese to
this or there's some debates back and forth.
But I think I actually have it here,
man.
Jokes in the contract.
Watermelon, what was it?
Did he sign that contract?
I mean, he's kind of cool for him,
right?
The validity of a marriage contract in jest,
section 4.6. And if you notice, I
put it in sections so it's easier for
you to go back.
And even in the index I'll put, or
in the footnotes, like, go here.
We talked about this already.
Go here.
So you don't have to be like, oh
my God.
If a marriage contract is conducted in jest,
it is valid.
As the Prophet ﷺ said, three matters are
serious whether they are in jest, divorce, marriage,
and taking back a spouse after divorce.
So we can say, if that's the case
with the whole sum total of the marriage,
that within the contract, المسلمون على شروطه.
So the same applies to the contract, such
as when a woman marries a man and
she says, you will have the final decision
on, on...
I wrote this?
Watermelon?
Man, subhanAllah.
I don't want to be like the shaytanic
regime, man, what's going on, bro?
I think that means it's time to end
class?
والسلام عليكم.
السلام عليكم.
رحمة الله.