Suhaib Webb – Fiqh of Nikah – Part Five

Suhaib Webb
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The conversation covers various issues related to long absence, including the importance of marriage, legal capacity, and finding a strong reason for marriage. It also touches on the difficulty of finding a child who is different from their parents and the importance of finding resources and avoiding double-stuffing. Long absence can be defined based on various factors, including whether a woman is married to a partner, her marital status, her desire for a new marriage, and the need for informed people involved in the process. The conversation concludes with a discussion on finding the right person for a marriage proposal and the importance of writing a marriage contract in a legal document.

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			Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim, alhamdulillah, wasalaamu alaykum
		
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			to everybody.
		
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			It's nice to see everybody, alhamdulillah.
		
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			And to be back, my apologies, my five
		
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			-year-old was like, you're not leaving.
		
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			I was like, I have to go and
		
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			she didn't, you know, she won an Academy
		
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			Award for being upset, mashallah.
		
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			So, I had to stay for a little
		
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			bit and calm her down.
		
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			So, we've been going through, we went through
		
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			now four sections related to, like, family law
		
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			within the context of marriage.
		
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			And last time, which seems like it's been
		
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			forever, we talked about not having witnesses and,
		
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			like, why we should be careful of that
		
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			kind of stuff.
		
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			And then also we talked about conditions put
		
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			into the contract.
		
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			And you have to remember that the context
		
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			of that was in the foundations of the
		
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			contract, like, what are called the arkan.
		
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			Like, arkan of Islam, right, the five pillars
		
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			of Islam.
		
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			So, these are, like, the pillars.
		
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			And the reason they're given that name is
		
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			that they deal with the maahiyat al-shay,
		
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			which means that they are in the essence
		
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			of the actual act.
		
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			So, like, fatiha is a pillar of salah,
		
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			because it's in salah.
		
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			So, it's something which is essential to, it's
		
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			a particular of the whole being itself.
		
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			You can understand it that way.
		
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			Like your heart, your liver, your intestines, right,
		
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			those would be like your arkan.
		
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			You couldn't function without your lungs.
		
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			Now we're going to talk about, in the
		
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			next few weeks, the conditions of marriage, what
		
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			are called shurut.
		
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			And the shurut is something that happens outside
		
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			of the action, like wudu and salah.
		
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			And it is essential for the action to
		
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			be valid.
		
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			And so, someone may ask, like, what's the
		
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			wisdom in having, like, conditions for different aspects
		
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			of Islam?
		
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			It's a nice statement here.
		
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			Islamic law establishes specific conditions in the context
		
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			of marriage that go beyond the contractual agreement
		
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			itself.
		
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			Like that foundational contractual agreement.
		
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			These conditions are designed to prevent illicit relationships,
		
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			to protect people from harm.
		
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			So, therefore, like the requirement to publicly announce
		
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			the marriage.
		
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			It protects people from harm, from being accused.
		
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			As well as the presence of a guardian
		
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			that we're going to talk about tonight, Wilaya,
		
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			its goal is to protect from harm.
		
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			One of the great foundations of Islam is
		
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			that harm should be removed.
		
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			أَضَّرَرُوا يُزَارُوا It's one of the five major
		
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			axioms of Islamic law.
		
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			It guides, especially the jurist, when there's no
		
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			text.
		
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			There's no text, there's no religious text.
		
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			So, that's where you heard about it, probably,
		
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			like, مَقَاصِرِ الشَّرِيَةِ Objectives of sharia.
		
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			How do I make sure, like, harm is
		
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			being, sort of, shepherded here?
		
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			Additionally, the law prohibits, as we'll talk about,
		
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			a woman from independently officiating her own marriage.
		
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			We can think about, especially in that time,
		
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			when there was a lack of literacy, so
		
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			many other things.
		
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			It's a way for someone to be, especially
		
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			a woman, to be hurt.
		
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			A woman was very much part of her
		
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			tribe, part of her village, part of her
		
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			people.
		
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			It encourages the public declaration of marriage, as
		
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			neglecting this requirement can lead to unlawful unions.
		
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			The point here is that these conditions that
		
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			we're going to talk about are meant to
		
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			protect both parties from harm and to ensure
		
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			that the marriage is sharia compliant.
		
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			So, it's like an added layer.
		
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			It's like a VPN, right?
		
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			It's an added layer of protection, if you
		
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			will.
		
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			And also, it reminds us that marriage is
		
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			not merely a means of personal fulfillment, but
		
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			it's like a bond that has a systemic
		
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			impact.
		
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			Like it impacts our parents, impacts our children,
		
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			impacts community.
		
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			Allah says, فَجَعَلَهُ نَسَبًا وَسِهْرًا وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ قَدِيرًا
		
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			In Surah Al-Furqan, the 25th chapter, Allah
		
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			says this, He made marriage as a means
		
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			of lineage and kinship.
		
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			Now, we understand marriage also has this goal
		
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			of creating family, as well as relations with
		
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			our spouse's family.
		
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			And your Lord is all-powerful.
		
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			So tonight, what we'll do, we'll talk about
		
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			two, I think two of the primary conditions
		
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			of marriage.
		
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			One of them we sort of talked about
		
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			before was the witnesses, right?
		
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			In the context of, and we're going to
		
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			talk about that again as well, secret marriage,
		
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			why we should run from that kind of
		
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			stuff.
		
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			But the first condition is the specification of
		
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			the spouses.
		
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			We have to know who's getting married.
		
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			So the identity of both individuals entering into
		
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			the contract must be clearly specified.
		
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			Why?
		
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			It's a contract.
		
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			It's a aqid.
		
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			But actually the Quran refers to marriage as
		
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			even more than that.
		
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			وَأَخَذْنَا مِنكُمْ مِثَاقًا مِثَاق, I don't even know
		
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			how to translate it.
		
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			It's like a covenant, actually.
		
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			It's probably the better word.
		
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			It's like a covenant between you and your
		
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			spouse.
		
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			مِثَاقًا غَرِيظًا Like a severe covenant.
		
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			So therefore, like both parties should be known.
		
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			It's not allowed to buy something from someone
		
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			that you don't know.
		
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			This is because clarity is fundamental to the
		
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			validity of the contract.
		
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			For instance, a statement like, you know, I'll
		
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			just marry to one of my sons.
		
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			It's not going to work.
		
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			I'll marry, like, you can marry one of
		
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			my daughters.
		
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			Right?
		
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			It's not going to work.
		
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			It's too ambiguous.
		
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			It's insufficient.
		
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			The guardian must explicitly identify which daughter is
		
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			being referred to or son is being referred
		
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			to.
		
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			And so how does that work out in
		
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			America?
		
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			This applies to contracts.
		
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			And that is why today it is really
		
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			like me personally.
		
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			For me to do a marriage contract, you
		
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			have to have government IDs.
		
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			Just like downtown.
		
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			Like if you go downtown, it's like, yo,
		
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			we just want to get married, you know.
		
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			Okay, sure.
		
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			Right?
		
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			Because it can lead to problems.
		
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			So you could think about it in that
		
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			context.
		
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			In ancient times, there are ways that they
		
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			tried to affirm someone's identity, and they considered
		
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			it a condition for the validity of the
		
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			contract.
		
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			Because if there is ambiguity about who is
		
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			getting married, then the contract falls apart.
		
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			You want to think about it that way.
		
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			So now if you go to Masajid or
		
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			you go to, I honestly believe that what
		
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			we should be doing in this country is
		
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			sort of what we did with care.
		
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			Every city, and I don't want to go
		
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			on a tangent, so forgive me, this is
		
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			something I thought about for a long time.
		
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			Every Masjid, every non-profit, should donate like
		
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			$5,000 to $10,000 a year to
		
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			one entity.
		
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			And that entity only does three things.
		
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			Marriage, divorce, and inheritance.
		
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			And claims of abuse.
		
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			Spiritual abuse.
		
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			You name it, right?
		
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			And then you hire.
		
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			With that money, you hire shuyukh, you hire
		
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			case workers, you hire therapists.
		
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			That's all they do.
		
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			You want to get married, you go there.
		
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			Want to get divorced, write an Alcor settlement,
		
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			go there.
		
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			Issues around inheritance, go there.
		
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			It's too much strain on non-profits, trust
		
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			me.
		
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			As someone that used to work in them
		
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			to handle all of the family issues.
		
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			So like in every city in America, this
		
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			is where you go.
		
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			Want to get married, this is where you
		
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			go.
		
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			And then they can use the money as
		
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			a revenue stream that they make from charging
		
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			people for their weddings to operate and scale.
		
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			Think about this.
		
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			I think it would be a good idea.
		
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			Yeah, but also like you don't have to
		
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			worry now about it being chaos.
		
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			That's all they do.
		
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			And then those imams who work for those
		
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			muftis, they're not stressed.
		
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			That's all you do.
		
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			You're like the faqih of nikah, dude.
		
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			You're the sheikh of nikah.
		
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			You want to get married, you go here.
		
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			Go to the DC Muslim Marriage Board.
		
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			Boom.
		
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			And it's handled.
		
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			And they can probably schedule that out a
		
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			year in advance, people getting married.
		
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			So I think that that's where we have
		
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			to think about like if we really want
		
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			to scale and we want to receive what
		
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			we expect.
		
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			Muslims expect a lot, but their non-profits
		
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			are ran sort of on a shoestring operation.
		
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			So that would be a way of making
		
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			sure we know who's who.
		
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			So I'm sure if you went to a
		
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			place like that and you wanted to get
		
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			married, you'd have to have documentation.
		
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			You'd have to have proof of who you
		
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			are.
		
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			The second condition is mutual consent.
		
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			It's actually a prerequisite for the validity of
		
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			marriage.
		
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			Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says,
		
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			لَا إِقْرَاهَ فِي الدِّينِ لَا إِقْرَاهَ فِي النِّكَاهِ
		
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			Although within some mathahib, especially this is before
		
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			our time, when women were marrying actually as
		
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			minors, it just existed in the world.
		
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			At that time, that's when you read in
		
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			classical books of fiqh, sometimes the translation is
		
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			lost.
		
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			Well, if she's young, her father can marry
		
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			her till he wants.
		
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			Well, that's because she was a minor.
		
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			Of course, for us, that's not our custom.
		
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			Nobody does that anymore.
		
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			But don't get it if you're 32 years
		
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			old and like, well, your father can marry
		
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			you.
		
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			That doesn't apply to you.
		
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			20-something doesn't apply to you.
		
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			These were children.
		
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			Of course, now we're not about that life.
		
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			Ibn Rushdi says, the great jurist, he says,
		
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			there is a consensus amongst jurists that mutual
		
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			consent is required for marriage.
		
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			Consent of who?
		
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			The spouse between two mature individuals.
		
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			His language is important.
		
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			He says mature because he lived in a
		
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			time, again, where you had minors that were
		
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			getting married, who possess full legal capacity over
		
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			their own affairs.
		
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			The only exceptions are a mentally impaired adult,
		
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			defined as someone with this diminished intellect, incoherent
		
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			communication skills, limited understanding, and disordered reasoning, who
		
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			could possibly be married off by their legal
		
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			guardian.
		
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			Although Imam Malik, by the way, he opposed
		
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			this, as did Abu Hanifa.
		
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			And a mentally incapacitated person if placed in
		
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			the care of, say, like, a suitable partner.
		
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			So the person who is caring for them
		
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			is who married them.
		
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			So that would be what Ibn Rushdi is
		
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			saying.
		
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			In cases where someone lacks mental capacity, then
		
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			that's where you'd have a compulsory-like relationship.
		
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			But again, jurists didn't agree on this.
		
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			We talked about, and I shared that long
		
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			article from Dr. Zeynep.
		
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			Maybe some of you remember.
		
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			I put it back as I reorganized this
		
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			text.
		
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			But compelling a virgin to marry someone.
		
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			And this fascination with virginity, as it plays
		
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			out sort of in the modern Muslim psyche,
		
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			is something that's problematic.
		
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			Because it's one-sided.
		
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			Nobody cares about that guy.
		
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			That's a problem.
		
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			Abu Hanifa, Malik, Ahmed, and Shafi, the four
		
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			Sunni Imams, maintain that their father cannot compel
		
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			a mature virgin into marriage without her consent.
		
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			It's an agreement amongst them.
		
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			Based on the statement of the Prophet ﷺ,
		
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			a virgin cannot be married off without her
		
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			permission.
		
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			And in another version, a widow cannot be
		
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			married off without her consultation.
		
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			So you have both.
		
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			What's the ruling?
		
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			And we talked about this briefly as well.
		
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			Sometimes I meet people, and they're like, well,
		
00:12:15 --> 00:12:16
			this person proposed to me.
		
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			She's a really nice person.
		
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			I like her family, but I don't want
		
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			to marry her.
		
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			I don't have that kind of feeling.
		
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			And then the person feels really guilty.
		
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			I can't believe I'm going to say no.
		
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			Allah is going to afflict me with an
		
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			infinite number of plagues.
		
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			First of all, you're not that important.
		
00:12:35 --> 00:12:36
			There's some subtle narcissism.
		
00:12:37 --> 00:12:39
			Sometimes there's subtle narcissism in a'adhaab.
		
00:12:40 --> 00:12:42
			I'm so special that when I get punished,
		
00:12:42 --> 00:12:43
			I really get punished.
		
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			It's kind of weird, right?
		
00:12:46 --> 00:12:48
			Then on the other end, of course, young
		
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			women will come and say the hadith, if
		
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			a man comes to you and his deen
		
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			and his character please you, marry him, or
		
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			there'll be fasad fil ard.
		
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			There'll be great corruption in the earth.
		
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			I said no, and I'm worried now.
		
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			I'm the reason that the whole entire earth
		
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			is going to fall into corruption.
		
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			You always want to be careful when you're
		
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			around people who use text that they're not
		
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			manipulating you with text.
		
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			They can guide you, but ultimately you should
		
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			be able to make a choice for yourself.
		
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			And I have a problem with how Muslims
		
00:13:23 --> 00:13:25
			are over-reliant on religious leadership to make
		
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			even some of the most mundane decisions for
		
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			them.
		
00:13:29 --> 00:13:31
			We need to encourage people to like trust
		
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			that where Allah will take you.
		
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			And if you're acting on a text, if
		
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			you're acting on teachings, don't try to micromanage
		
00:13:40 --> 00:13:41
			this.
		
00:13:41 --> 00:13:43
			It can be a difficult situation.
		
00:13:44 --> 00:13:46
			So the ruling on a woman's response or
		
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			a man's response or the guardian's response on
		
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			their behalf is one of permissibility.
		
00:13:54 --> 00:13:55
			Like you can say yes or no.
		
00:13:57 --> 00:13:57
			It's not fard.
		
00:13:57 --> 00:14:00
			The hadith of the Prophet ﷺ about if
		
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			a young man comes to you and his
		
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			deen and his khuluq please you, it's more
		
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			like a warning, like an encouragement.
		
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			But we don't take from it that it's
		
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			fard to say yes.
		
00:14:21 --> 00:14:25
			It's if the guardian forces the daughter into
		
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			marriage.
		
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			It can be an old.
		
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			We gave the narration last time, right, of
		
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			that young woman who came to the Prophet
		
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			ﷺ related by Imam Ahmed in the Musnad
		
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			who came to the Prophet ﷺ and said,
		
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			my father forced me to marry someone.
		
00:14:39 --> 00:14:40
			I don't like him.
		
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			And the Prophet ﷺ called him and he
		
00:14:43 --> 00:14:44
			was about to annul the marriage.
		
00:14:44 --> 00:14:45
			And she said, no, no, no.
		
00:14:45 --> 00:14:46
			I just wanted to show women that they
		
00:14:46 --> 00:14:50
			had this right, right, from Imam Ahmed.
		
00:14:52 --> 00:14:55
			And subhanAllah, it doesn't like, very rarely doesn't
		
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			work when I've seen men or women forced
		
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			into marriages.
		
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			Like especially here, maybe in other social settings,
		
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			the understanding is like eventually we'll figure it
		
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			out, right?
		
00:15:05 --> 00:15:09
			But here, people have options, right?
		
00:15:09 --> 00:15:11
			And that's just the reality.
		
00:15:11 --> 00:15:13
			Like they have options for marriage.
		
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			And my own experience as a father, when
		
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			you crush your children's or adults' children, when
		
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			you crush their agency too much, like you
		
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			kind of harm them in a way.
		
00:15:28 --> 00:15:31
			Like it warps their ability to like grow
		
00:15:31 --> 00:15:32
			into adulthood.
		
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			And it can lead like, they can blame
		
00:15:35 --> 00:15:35
			you later on in life.
		
00:15:36 --> 00:15:37
			I told you my 23-year-old told
		
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			me, I'm not a convert like you.
		
00:15:39 --> 00:15:41
			Like I'm not crazy about religion like you
		
00:15:41 --> 00:15:42
			are.
		
00:15:42 --> 00:15:43
			I was like, you know, I don't want
		
00:15:43 --> 00:15:45
			to hear that, but I'm glad you said
		
00:15:45 --> 00:15:46
			it, right?
		
00:15:46 --> 00:15:48
			Like relax, bro.
		
00:15:48 --> 00:15:50
			And she said like, I was born riding
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:50
			a bike.
		
00:15:50 --> 00:15:52
			You learned how to ride a bike.
		
00:15:52 --> 00:15:54
			So you're like crazy about the spokes and
		
00:15:54 --> 00:15:56
			the wheels and the tires and I was
		
00:15:56 --> 00:15:57
			born Muslim, bro.
		
00:15:57 --> 00:15:59
			Like I'm good, you know?
		
00:16:01 --> 00:16:05
			So there's a tough balance between living vicariously
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:07
			to our children and guiding our children, being
		
00:16:07 --> 00:16:09
			an advisor, being a supervisor.
		
00:16:10 --> 00:16:11
			You got to be smart.
		
00:16:11 --> 00:16:12
			May Allah give us Tawfiq.
		
00:16:12 --> 00:16:16
			Allah says that your parents, رَأَيْتُ الشَّمْسُ وَالْقَمْرِ
		
00:16:17 --> 00:16:18
			Yusuf said, I saw the sun and the
		
00:16:18 --> 00:16:18
			moon.
		
00:16:18 --> 00:16:19
			He said, the sun and the moon are
		
00:16:19 --> 00:16:20
			his parents.
		
00:16:20 --> 00:16:22
			Because the sun, its job is to provide
		
00:16:22 --> 00:16:23
			heat and light, but too much heat will
		
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			do what?
		
00:16:24 --> 00:16:24
			It will burn you.
		
00:16:25 --> 00:16:26
			Too much light can blind you.
		
00:16:27 --> 00:16:28
			And the moon, its job is to guide
		
00:16:28 --> 00:16:30
			you at night when things are ambiguous.
		
00:16:31 --> 00:16:32
			That's the job of parents.
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:34
			So there's a beautiful metaphor here in the
		
00:16:34 --> 00:16:37
			Quran that the role of parents in life
		
00:16:38 --> 00:16:40
			of their children and the young adults is
		
00:16:40 --> 00:16:41
			to be like the sun and the moon.
		
00:16:42 --> 00:16:43
			Too much light, you can blind, you can
		
00:16:43 --> 00:16:44
			burn.
		
00:16:44 --> 00:16:46
			Too little light, people get lost.
		
00:16:47 --> 00:16:49
			And the moon, its job is to illuminate
		
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			light in the night so people can travel.
		
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			So our job as parents is to illuminate
		
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			night, light in the dunya so you can
		
00:16:57 --> 00:16:59
			stay on Sirat al-Mustaqim.
		
00:16:59 --> 00:17:00
			It's like really beautiful, Alhamdulillah.
		
00:17:03 --> 00:17:05
			But we have narrations where the Sahaba, you
		
00:17:05 --> 00:17:10
			know, like Urwah, and others that, you know,
		
00:17:10 --> 00:17:13
			Umm Salama and other people, the Prophet Sallallahu
		
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			Alaihi Wasallam, Uthman, Omar, like they proposed to
		
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			people and they said no, or people proposed
		
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			to them and they said no.
		
00:17:19 --> 00:17:20
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:21
			I had a quick question.
		
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			You might have talked about this last time,
		
00:17:24 --> 00:17:26
			but you talked about how both parties have
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:29
			to have like legal capacity.
		
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			I think that's the word you used.
		
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			So I think I've often seen a lot
		
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			of harm fall out of marriages where one
		
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			party or the other, maybe they, you know,
		
00:17:39 --> 00:17:41
			they marry a person in another country or
		
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			something like that, and then they suddenly don't
		
00:17:44 --> 00:17:46
			have maybe the kind of agency they would
		
00:17:46 --> 00:17:47
			formally have had.
		
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			And it can sometimes, not always, but sometimes
		
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			it puts people into a situation where like,
		
00:17:52 --> 00:17:53
			oh, well, now I can move to another
		
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			country to marry someone and I suddenly can't
		
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			drive, don't have access to money, I don't
		
00:17:57 --> 00:17:58
			have a job anymore, right?
		
00:17:58 --> 00:18:00
			And then a lot of things happen that
		
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			if they had that kind of agency, maybe
		
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			would not have happened.
		
00:18:07 --> 00:18:10
			Does the law go into any of those
		
00:18:10 --> 00:18:11
			kinds of requirements?
		
00:18:13 --> 00:18:15
			So we talked about like in the beginning,
		
00:18:15 --> 00:18:19
			like premarital counseling, taking steps to know one
		
00:18:19 --> 00:18:20
			another.
		
00:18:20 --> 00:18:23
			I think it's very important that, you know,
		
00:18:24 --> 00:18:25
			to frame expectations.
		
00:18:26 --> 00:18:28
			Like what is life going to look like
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:28
			together?
		
00:18:29 --> 00:18:30
			That's the question you want to ask.
		
00:18:31 --> 00:18:32
			And then like, okay, so then what is
		
00:18:32 --> 00:18:33
			life?
		
00:18:33 --> 00:18:34
			Let's break life down into parts.
		
00:18:36 --> 00:18:37
			And then we can discuss each part.
		
00:18:39 --> 00:18:40
			And where do we land?
		
00:18:40 --> 00:18:43
			Like, are we able to like find commonality
		
00:18:44 --> 00:18:45
			or is it like, no, you're going to
		
00:18:45 --> 00:18:47
			move here, you're not going to do anything,
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:48
			you're going to stay home.
		
00:18:49 --> 00:18:51
			So oftentimes those things are never discussed.
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:55
			That's where you lose agency because now I'm
		
00:18:55 --> 00:18:56
			in a contract, now I'm married to somebody.
		
00:18:57 --> 00:19:01
			So my, in Islam we have something called
		
00:19:01 --> 00:19:02
			tasawwur.
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:05
			Tasawwur means the ability to conceptualize something.
		
00:19:07 --> 00:19:08
			So I need to be able to, as
		
00:19:08 --> 00:19:11
			best I can, conceptualize what life is going
		
00:19:11 --> 00:19:12
			to look like with this person.
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14
			And that's going to be rooted in the
		
00:19:14 --> 00:19:16
			best way to address tasawwur, like in the
		
00:19:16 --> 00:19:20
			Islamic system, is al-as'ila, is to
		
00:19:20 --> 00:19:21
			ask questions.
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:25
			So that's a tough one.
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:26
			Like when people get into that position, same
		
00:19:26 --> 00:19:28
			people come here, right, to get married.
		
00:19:28 --> 00:19:31
			And they're not ready for like what America
		
00:19:31 --> 00:19:31
			brings.
		
00:19:32 --> 00:19:35
			The cost, the pressure, the lack of like
		
00:19:35 --> 00:19:37
			how family plays out overseas is very different.
		
00:19:38 --> 00:19:40
			The time you have to be with family
		
00:19:40 --> 00:19:41
			overseas is very different than here.
		
00:19:42 --> 00:19:44
			So that's a tough one.
		
00:19:44 --> 00:19:46
			So it's addressed in the sense of, yeah,
		
00:19:46 --> 00:19:51
			before you get married, know each other and
		
00:19:51 --> 00:19:53
			know what life is going to look like
		
00:19:53 --> 00:19:53
			together.
		
00:19:56 --> 00:20:00
			I think that's, sure, you don't have to
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:02
			feel shy by asking questions, alhamdulillah.
		
00:20:02 --> 00:20:05
			I know I had family members in France
		
00:20:05 --> 00:20:06
			who would have children.
		
00:20:06 --> 00:20:08
			I mean, they're quite young right now, but
		
00:20:08 --> 00:20:11
			have children who are differently abled.
		
00:20:12 --> 00:20:13
			I might have used the long term for
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:15
			that, but differently abled.
		
00:20:15 --> 00:20:18
			And I was wondering if you do have
		
00:20:18 --> 00:20:21
			a child who's maybe differently abled or, you
		
00:20:21 --> 00:20:23
			know, they're reaching a stage of adulthood where
		
00:20:23 --> 00:20:24
			maybe they would be looking for marriage.
		
00:20:25 --> 00:20:31
			Are there, like what are the considerations you
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:34
			have to have to...
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:35
			Give me an example, Lu.
		
00:20:36 --> 00:20:40
			So like, for example, if you have a
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:42
			child who has a certain problem with Down
		
00:20:42 --> 00:20:44
			syndrome or if you have a child who
		
00:20:44 --> 00:20:46
			maybe is autistic or an adult who's autistic.
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:46
			Right.
		
00:20:48 --> 00:20:51
			And that comes with certain, or sometimes you
		
00:20:51 --> 00:20:53
			have a child who maybe has a medical
		
00:20:53 --> 00:20:54
			condition of myocardial infarction.
		
00:20:55 --> 00:20:55
			You know, they need...
		
00:20:55 --> 00:20:56
			Absolutely, yeah.
		
00:20:57 --> 00:20:59
			Dialysis is something people deal with sometimes every
		
00:20:59 --> 00:20:59
			week.
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:00
			Right.
		
00:21:00 --> 00:21:02
			So I guess you said that in certain
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:06
			cases that can impact their maybe ability to
		
00:21:06 --> 00:21:08
			look for a spouse on their own.
		
00:21:09 --> 00:21:11
			But I feel like that's kind of a
		
00:21:11 --> 00:21:14
			slippery slope where I've also sometimes seen that
		
00:21:14 --> 00:21:16
			parents, maybe they have the best sense of
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:20
			a child at heart, but it's difficult for
		
00:21:20 --> 00:21:22
			them to draw the line of like where
		
00:21:22 --> 00:21:25
			do I need to give the child agency
		
00:21:25 --> 00:21:27
			to like look for their own partner and
		
00:21:27 --> 00:21:29
			where do they not have that capacity because
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:30
			of their condition.
		
00:21:30 --> 00:21:32
			It would be hard for me to give
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:33
			like a blank answer, right?
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:35
			Each case may be unique.
		
00:21:35 --> 00:21:38
			But what's known, like in Islamic law in
		
00:21:38 --> 00:21:44
			general, is if someone is not functionable, then
		
00:21:44 --> 00:21:46
			that's where the wali has the right to
		
00:21:46 --> 00:21:48
			marry them to somebody and choose a spouse
		
00:21:48 --> 00:21:49
			for them.
		
00:21:49 --> 00:21:51
			And then within, like say someone's on the
		
00:21:51 --> 00:21:53
			spectrum, right?
		
00:21:53 --> 00:21:53
			That's different.
		
00:21:53 --> 00:21:54
			They still have their agency.
		
00:21:54 --> 00:21:55
			They still have...
		
00:21:55 --> 00:21:58
			So Islam is gonna consider all those layers.
		
00:21:59 --> 00:22:00
			It's not just gonna be like black and
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:00
			white.
		
00:22:01 --> 00:22:02
			Law is never black and white.
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:04
			It's always that middle part where that's where
		
00:22:04 --> 00:22:05
			life happens actually.
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:06
			You know, one of my teachers said, I
		
00:22:06 --> 00:22:07
			wish everything was halal and haram.
		
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09
			Like it would be the easiest job in
		
00:22:09 --> 00:22:10
			the world.
		
00:22:10 --> 00:22:13
			But most people are coming here in this
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:13
			middle issue.
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:16
			So that would actually almost need like maybe
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:18
			even like a clinical diagnosis, right?
		
00:22:19 --> 00:22:21
			And this is, I talked about it before
		
00:22:21 --> 00:22:26
			where that interdisciplinary intersection kind of hits where,
		
00:22:26 --> 00:22:29
			okay, how do we determine if someone is
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:32
			not like safi, it's like completely incapable of
		
00:22:32 --> 00:22:33
			thinking?
		
00:22:33 --> 00:22:34
			Well, their parents know.
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:37
			They know, they can tell you, right?
		
00:22:37 --> 00:22:40
			So I think that it's gonna be in
		
00:22:40 --> 00:22:41
			levels of parenting.
		
00:22:42 --> 00:22:43
			And the best person to make this call
		
00:22:43 --> 00:22:47
			are the parents, not the sheikh and the
		
00:22:47 --> 00:22:49
			person based on their functionality.
		
00:22:51 --> 00:22:54
			So it's gonna depend on that issue.
		
00:22:56 --> 00:22:58
			And it's complex in a way, right?
		
00:23:01 --> 00:23:03
			So we talked about this last time.
		
00:23:04 --> 00:23:06
			One of the things that we didn't talk
		
00:23:06 --> 00:23:07
			about is like a wali proposing on behalf
		
00:23:07 --> 00:23:10
			of someone who he is responsible for.
		
00:23:12 --> 00:23:14
			We know that like Sayyidina Umar, he proposed
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:17
			on behalf of Hafsa and the process when
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:20
			he married her, but she accepted this marriage.
		
00:23:21 --> 00:23:24
			So I went, maybe some of you were
		
00:23:24 --> 00:23:25
			here then, I don't know how many of
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:28
			you were here when we talked about the
		
00:23:28 --> 00:23:31
			idea of forcing specifically like daughters to marry.
		
00:23:32 --> 00:23:34
			There's a great essay, I put it in
		
00:23:34 --> 00:23:36
			the book, but the QR code is not
		
00:23:36 --> 00:23:43
			working now by Dr. Zainab Abu Fadl from
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:44
			Egypt.
		
00:23:45 --> 00:23:46
			She's a brilliant legal scholar.
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:50
			And she talks about this idea and she's
		
00:23:50 --> 00:23:51
			very critical of this idea.
		
00:23:51 --> 00:23:53
			And then she mentions the statement of Imam
		
00:23:53 --> 00:23:55
			Abu Hanifa, largely in the Hanafi school, you're
		
00:23:55 --> 00:23:58
			not allowed to create any impositions in contracts
		
00:23:59 --> 00:24:01
			because it threatens the validity of the contract.
		
00:24:01 --> 00:24:05
			Like a contract should be done like because
		
00:24:05 --> 00:24:06
			I want to, not because you have a
		
00:24:06 --> 00:24:07
			gun to my head.
		
00:24:07 --> 00:24:12
			Ibn Qayyim, who's a Hanbali jurist, he likens,
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:15
			he says, if a mature and sensible virgin
		
00:24:15 --> 00:24:17
			cannot have her father manage even the smallest
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:19
			bit of her finances without her consent, like
		
00:24:19 --> 00:24:22
			we know by agreement that a father cannot
		
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23
			go and take a girl's finances.
		
00:24:25 --> 00:24:25
			He can't.
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:28
			So then how is it permissible for him
		
00:24:28 --> 00:24:29
			to degrade her and marry her off to
		
00:24:29 --> 00:24:30
			someone of his choice?
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:31
			He's like, that makes no sense.
		
00:24:32 --> 00:24:34
			Her first right is herself.
		
00:24:37 --> 00:24:39
			And then she writes, Dr. Zainab, like this
		
00:24:39 --> 00:24:40
			is tantamount to slavery.
		
00:24:43 --> 00:24:45
			And actually what she's saying is true because
		
00:24:45 --> 00:24:48
			in classic Islamic law, a slave could be
		
00:24:48 --> 00:24:49
			married off without their permission.
		
00:24:51 --> 00:24:52
			I know I saw people with their hands.
		
00:24:52 --> 00:24:53
			I got you.
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:53
			I forgot, sorry.
		
00:24:54 --> 00:24:56
			So like a slave cannot be married off
		
00:24:56 --> 00:24:58
			without their permission.
		
00:24:58 --> 00:24:59
			So that's what she's saying.
		
00:24:59 --> 00:25:01
			Literally now you're making your daughter like someone
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:04
			who would legally be classified in ancient fiqh
		
00:25:04 --> 00:25:06
			as someone that was in bondage.
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:09
			But that's not the relationship that a daughter
		
00:25:09 --> 00:25:11
			has with her father legally.
		
00:25:13 --> 00:25:15
			The daughter should assert her right to refuse
		
00:25:15 --> 00:25:17
			this marriage and her mother and family members
		
00:25:17 --> 00:25:18
			should support her.
		
00:25:18 --> 00:25:21
			That's the key right there in her opposing
		
00:25:21 --> 00:25:24
			her father's unjust actions as if he were
		
00:25:24 --> 00:25:27
			subjecting her again to a form of bondage.
		
00:25:28 --> 00:25:29
			Echoing what Ibn Qayyim said.
		
00:25:30 --> 00:25:32
			So she says, you can read this for
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:32
			yourself.
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:33
			It's in the book.
		
00:25:33 --> 00:25:34
			The book is not published.
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:37
			In conclusion, I strongly support the daughter's right
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:40
			to marry according to her choice and urge
		
00:25:40 --> 00:25:42
			her to resist any undue pressure or accusations
		
00:25:42 --> 00:25:43
			of dishonor.
		
00:25:44 --> 00:25:45
			This father is in the wrong.
		
00:25:46 --> 00:25:47
			And I'm glad she used this language.
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:48
			Like this is a mistake.
		
00:25:48 --> 00:25:51
			It can even be sinful by these actions.
		
00:25:51 --> 00:25:53
			And I've seen this.
		
00:25:53 --> 00:25:54
			And this is not something that's widespread.
		
00:25:55 --> 00:25:56
			So it's being recorded.
		
00:25:56 --> 00:25:58
			I don't want like Islamophobes to use this.
		
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00
			I've seen situations where daughters are married for
		
00:26:00 --> 00:26:01
			green cards, man.
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:05
			Or daughters are married for financial remuneration, which
		
00:26:05 --> 00:26:05
			is not allowed by the way.
		
00:26:07 --> 00:26:09
			And the young woman has seen it twice
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:10
			in 30 years.
		
00:26:11 --> 00:26:14
			Has no say in like, and the community
		
00:26:14 --> 00:26:17
			didn't really stand up on her behalf.
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:19
			It is haram.
		
00:26:21 --> 00:26:22
			Yes, you had a question.
		
00:26:22 --> 00:26:22
			Sorry.
		
00:26:25 --> 00:26:29
			So I'd like to go back to the
		
00:26:29 --> 00:26:30
			resolving of the marriage.
		
00:26:30 --> 00:26:33
			If it's forced, I know that you've been
		
00:26:33 --> 00:26:36
			saying multiple times that like law, they're both
		
00:26:36 --> 00:26:37
			per area.
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:41
			But I'm curious about if it's more so
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:42
			court.
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:47
			So they're not explicitly forced, but there is
		
00:26:47 --> 00:26:48
			a very strong urging.
		
00:26:48 --> 00:26:50
			But then later on they're going, hey, I
		
00:26:50 --> 00:26:51
			want out.
		
00:26:51 --> 00:26:53
			Is it going to be?
		
00:26:58 --> 00:27:00
			So I have an entire section on annulments,
		
00:27:01 --> 00:27:01
			right?
		
00:27:01 --> 00:27:01
			That'll come later.
		
00:27:02 --> 00:27:03
			But your question, I think it's important.
		
00:27:03 --> 00:27:05
			Like, so let's say she wants or he
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:06
			wants to try it out.
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09
			And after, you know, maybe it works for
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:10
			a while.
		
00:27:11 --> 00:27:12
			Then it doesn't work.
		
00:27:12 --> 00:27:13
			So because it worked for a while, it
		
00:27:13 --> 00:27:15
			would be difficult to do an annulment, but
		
00:27:15 --> 00:27:16
			there could be a khul'ah or he
		
00:27:16 --> 00:27:17
			could divorce her.
		
00:27:18 --> 00:27:20
			And in the khul'ah, she could say,
		
00:27:20 --> 00:27:21
			we have a section of khul'ah that
		
00:27:21 --> 00:27:22
			will come.
		
00:27:23 --> 00:27:24
			She could say, like, I was forced to
		
00:27:24 --> 00:27:25
			marry him.
		
00:27:25 --> 00:27:28
			In the beginning, I had no choice.
		
00:27:28 --> 00:27:29
			Then I kind of liked him for a
		
00:27:29 --> 00:27:32
			while and I realized, you know, it wasn't
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:32
			good.
		
00:27:33 --> 00:27:35
			If in the very beginning she went, then
		
00:27:35 --> 00:27:36
			they could annul the marriage.
		
00:27:37 --> 00:27:38
			Like at the very beginning if she was
		
00:27:38 --> 00:27:40
			like, look, you know, I don't mean the
		
00:27:40 --> 00:27:42
			first day, but I mean, let's just say
		
00:27:42 --> 00:27:43
			a little bit after she came and said,
		
00:27:43 --> 00:27:45
			listen, I just tried to do it for
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:48
			Baba and Mama, but I don't like this
		
00:27:48 --> 00:27:48
			dude.
		
00:27:49 --> 00:27:50
			And I was forced to marry him.
		
00:27:51 --> 00:27:55
			Or even D, would, whichever party you need
		
00:27:55 --> 00:27:57
			to be able to provide the cassandral truths
		
00:27:57 --> 00:27:58
			that they aren't really that important?
		
00:28:00 --> 00:28:04
			No, because it, they may ask people to
		
00:28:04 --> 00:28:06
			come around the situation that could say, yeah,
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:07
			she was forced.
		
00:28:08 --> 00:28:10
			But ultimately, like, they're both going to be
		
00:28:10 --> 00:28:11
			heard.
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:12
			Like they're sort of centered.
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:16
			But there may be secondary evidence here that's
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:18
			sought, of course, because it's breaking a contract.
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:20
			Right?
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:29
			Yes.
		
00:28:31 --> 00:28:32
			Why?
		
00:28:47 --> 00:28:50
			So even if they cross it out, they
		
00:28:50 --> 00:28:50
			can't do that.
		
00:28:51 --> 00:28:54
			And Abu Hanifa himself was like, against all
		
00:28:54 --> 00:28:55
			of these things that you're mentioning, which is
		
00:28:55 --> 00:28:56
			unfortunate.
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:56
			Right?
		
00:28:57 --> 00:28:59
			But you can't, you can't cross out the
		
00:28:59 --> 00:29:03
			right of khul'a because it's something that's
		
00:29:03 --> 00:29:03
			undetermined.
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:06
			Right?
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:10
			Let's say, God forbid, like, you know, people,
		
00:29:10 --> 00:29:13
			people sells that every seven years, except for
		
00:29:13 --> 00:29:13
			like a few cells.
		
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15
			They become, they're different people.
		
00:29:15 --> 00:29:16
			Right?
		
00:29:16 --> 00:29:18
			So let's say that Allah protects the man,
		
00:29:19 --> 00:29:19
			becomes an abuser.
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:24
			Well, now, because we said, remember, when I
		
00:29:24 --> 00:29:27
			talked about the idea of rulings running according
		
00:29:27 --> 00:29:28
			to their causes.
		
00:29:28 --> 00:29:30
			So khul'a is something that comes because
		
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31
			of a cause.
		
00:29:32 --> 00:29:34
			So you can't, you can't cross it out
		
00:29:34 --> 00:29:34
			if it hasn't happened.
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:35
			Right?
		
00:29:36 --> 00:29:37
			Like, that's not possible.
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:39
			And also, that's the right that Allah has
		
00:29:39 --> 00:29:40
			given her.
		
00:29:41 --> 00:29:41
			It's in the Quran.
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:42
			It's in Hadith.
		
00:29:42 --> 00:29:43
			You can't cross it out.
		
00:29:45 --> 00:29:48
			And so if she's, being mistreated, if she's
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:50
			unhappy in the marriage, as we'll talk about,
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:52
			not the kind of the Western shallowness of
		
00:29:52 --> 00:29:55
			happiness, but like, intrinsically unhappy in a marriage.
		
00:29:56 --> 00:29:57
			She has the right to get out of
		
00:29:57 --> 00:29:57
			the marriage.
		
00:29:58 --> 00:29:59
			Yeah, but I'm sorry, that's because a lot
		
00:29:59 --> 00:30:01
			of my friends who got married back home,
		
00:30:01 --> 00:30:03
			they would fight for the khul'a section
		
00:30:03 --> 00:30:05
			not to be crossed out.
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:09
			But they, like, they don't do nikah if,
		
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11
			a lot of times, they won't do nikah
		
00:30:11 --> 00:30:13
			if you allow the section to be there.
		
00:30:14 --> 00:30:16
			Like, it's sort of like the takeaway though,
		
00:30:16 --> 00:30:16
			right?
		
00:30:17 --> 00:30:19
			This is, this is dhulm on women.
		
00:30:19 --> 00:30:19
			Yeah.
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:22
			This is dhulm, yeah, dhulm.
		
00:30:22 --> 00:30:25
			Conversational conduct, where like, how do we navigate
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:25
			this?
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:27
			Like, who should we talk to when no
		
00:30:27 --> 00:30:30
			one wants to back out and talk about
		
00:30:30 --> 00:30:30
			it?
		
00:30:32 --> 00:30:33
			Yeah, I mean, this is, and this is
		
00:30:33 --> 00:30:36
			what's pushing people away from Islam, right?
		
00:30:36 --> 00:30:41
			Like, when this kind of systemic issues, corruption,
		
00:30:41 --> 00:30:43
			this is a form of corruption, right?
		
00:30:43 --> 00:30:46
			That's violating, so now, in the name of
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:47
			sharia, we're going to violate, no, this now
		
00:30:47 --> 00:30:48
			became your sharia.
		
00:30:48 --> 00:30:50
			Like, it's not Allah's sharia, it's your sharia.
		
00:30:52 --> 00:30:52
			It's not allowed.
		
00:30:56 --> 00:30:57
			So, the requirement for the guardian, we're going
		
00:30:57 --> 00:30:58
			to talk about that today and we're going
		
00:30:58 --> 00:30:59
			to talk about, like, who should be the
		
00:30:59 --> 00:31:00
			guardians.
		
00:31:00 --> 00:31:01
			We'll go through a few different scenarios and
		
00:31:01 --> 00:31:02
			then we'll finish, inshallah.
		
00:31:04 --> 00:31:06
			But the guardian of a woman is the
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:10
			individual responsibility for managing, is the individual responsible
		
00:31:10 --> 00:31:14
			for managing her affairs contractually, in relationship to
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:14
			marriage.
		
00:31:15 --> 00:31:17
			We know that there is a guardian, which
		
00:31:17 --> 00:31:21
			is ijbari, which is compulsory, that's when she's
		
00:31:21 --> 00:31:25
			a minor, just like men, kids are minors.
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:28
			So, if my son inherited, like, a bitcoin
		
00:31:28 --> 00:31:31
			mine from 2013, right, I would have to,
		
00:31:31 --> 00:31:34
			like, manage that for him until he was
		
00:31:34 --> 00:31:34
			an adult.
		
00:31:35 --> 00:31:39
			And then there is the wilayah, which is
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:43
			ihtiyari, which is chosen, and we'll talk about
		
00:31:43 --> 00:31:44
			that as well.
		
00:31:44 --> 00:31:48
			But, in an ideal situation now, ideal situation,
		
00:31:48 --> 00:31:51
			the father, the baba, and the girl, and
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:53
			the baba, they have a great relationship.
		
00:31:54 --> 00:31:55
			So, the context now, we'll talk about is
		
00:31:55 --> 00:31:56
			like, what's expected.
		
00:31:57 --> 00:31:59
			Then we'll break it into, like, what if
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:00
			he's not?
		
00:32:00 --> 00:32:01
			What if he's absent?
		
00:32:02 --> 00:32:03
			What if he's incarcerated?
		
00:32:05 --> 00:32:07
			So, the guardian waliyah of a woman is
		
00:32:07 --> 00:32:11
			the individual responsible for managing her affairs, and
		
00:32:11 --> 00:32:13
			the majority of jurists maintain that the presence
		
00:32:13 --> 00:32:15
			of a guardian is a prerequisite, is a
		
00:32:15 --> 00:32:17
			condition for the validity of the marriage contract.
		
00:32:20 --> 00:32:21
			However, Imam Abu Hanifa holds that a woman
		
00:32:21 --> 00:32:23
			has the right to arrange her own marriage,
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:25
			or appointment, or appoint someone else to do
		
00:32:25 --> 00:32:27
			so without the need of her guardian's consent.
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29
			He has a number of evidences, but one
		
00:32:29 --> 00:32:31
			of them is in the second chapter of
		
00:32:31 --> 00:32:32
			the Quran, verse 232.
		
00:32:33 --> 00:32:37
			So, Surah Al-Baqarah, 232, Do not prevent
		
00:32:37 --> 00:32:39
			them from marrying their former husbands.
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:42
			And here you see the genius of Abu
		
00:32:42 --> 00:32:44
			Hanifa, like, even if, you know, Imam Malik
		
00:32:44 --> 00:32:45
			said, if Abu Hanifa told you a wall
		
00:32:45 --> 00:32:46
			was gold, you'd believe him.
		
00:32:46 --> 00:32:48
			Like, he's very smart.
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:49
			Right?
		
00:32:49 --> 00:32:51
			Like, even when you don't agree with him,
		
00:32:51 --> 00:32:53
			you're like, how did he see this?
		
00:32:53 --> 00:32:55
			Like, mashallah, like he's very intelligent in his
		
00:32:55 --> 00:32:56
			school.
		
00:32:57 --> 00:33:00
			فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ أَن يَنْكَحْنَا أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ So, if you
		
00:33:00 --> 00:33:03
			speak Arabic, it says, أَن يَنْكَحْنَا You know,
		
00:33:03 --> 00:33:05
			this verb is a female verb.
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:07
			It means that they married their former husbands.
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:09
			So Abu Hanifa's argument is the verb is
		
00:33:09 --> 00:33:10
			female.
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:13
			So they, here is women, married their former
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:14
			husbands.
		
00:33:14 --> 00:33:14
			That means they can what?
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:16
			They can marry.
		
00:33:19 --> 00:33:21
			You have to pay attention because Abu Hanifa's
		
00:33:21 --> 00:33:22
			a deep dude, man.
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:25
			So the argument is أَن يَنْكَحْنَا يَنْكَحْنَا is
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:29
			a verb which means a girl is marrying
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:31
			her former husband.
		
00:33:31 --> 00:33:35
			It's not يُنكِحُ يُنكِحُ They are being married
		
00:33:35 --> 00:33:37
			by their dad or their wali.
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:41
			No, يَنْكِحْنَا They are marrying themselves to who?
		
00:33:41 --> 00:33:42
			Their former husbands.
		
00:33:43 --> 00:33:46
			Abu Hanifa's argument is the verse shows that
		
00:33:46 --> 00:33:49
			a woman can marry herself because the verb
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50
			is for her.
		
00:33:50 --> 00:33:52
			It's a strong argument, honestly.
		
00:33:54 --> 00:33:55
			It's a strong argument.
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:57
			Don't get me in trouble.
		
00:33:57 --> 00:33:58
			I'm Maliki.
		
00:33:58 --> 00:33:59
			I study Hanafi.
		
00:34:00 --> 00:34:02
			But I roll a team in.
		
00:34:02 --> 00:34:03
			My teacher was from Senegal.
		
00:34:04 --> 00:34:04
			He watches this.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:05
			I'm going to be in trouble.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:08
			It's a bit of an unlimited question but
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:10
			how does a person go about choosing the
		
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11
			school of thought to live on?
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:13
			I think what you want to do is
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:15
			choose what resources are available to you.
		
00:34:15 --> 00:34:17
			It's like I had someone come to me
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18
			like I want to be I want to
		
00:34:18 --> 00:34:19
			be Zahiri.
		
00:34:19 --> 00:34:21
			Zahiri doesn't exist anymore.
		
00:34:21 --> 00:34:22
			Why would you be Zahiri?
		
00:34:22 --> 00:34:22
			Who teaches that?
		
00:34:23 --> 00:34:24
			I know one person in Detroit who teaches
		
00:34:24 --> 00:34:25
			Zahiri method.
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27
			And that guy the guy who asked me
		
00:34:27 --> 00:34:28
			he was in Florida.
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:30
			It's like you can't get much farther from
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:32
			Detroit than Florida, bro.
		
00:34:32 --> 00:34:34
			And then I'm like but all around you
		
00:34:34 --> 00:34:36
			are all these Hanafi teachers.
		
00:34:37 --> 00:34:39
			And this is not identity politics.
		
00:34:39 --> 00:34:41
			This whole thing about like I'm Maliki I'm
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:42
			not crazy.
		
00:34:42 --> 00:34:43
			I'm not everything I'm answering is I'm Maliki.
		
00:34:44 --> 00:34:47
			I believe the best answer is what's best
		
00:34:47 --> 00:34:48
			for the people you serve.
		
00:34:49 --> 00:34:52
			Especially in mu'marat in day-to-day actions.
		
00:34:53 --> 00:34:54
			Right?
		
00:34:54 --> 00:34:55
			You have to think about the people.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:57
			Like what's your purpose just to quote a
		
00:34:57 --> 00:34:57
			book?
		
00:34:57 --> 00:34:58
			Well, they can read a book by themselves.
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:03
			And also fiqh I said this many times
		
00:35:03 --> 00:35:06
			I don't see Islamic law as an extraction.
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:07
			Abstraction.
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:08
			It's living.
		
00:35:09 --> 00:35:09
			It's one of the problems.
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:10
			It's a living law.
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:11
			It's not a dead law.
		
00:35:11 --> 00:35:12
			It's not Latin.
		
00:35:13 --> 00:35:17
			And Al-Qarafi great jurist he said just
		
00:35:17 --> 00:35:19
			to quote books is to be astray and
		
00:35:19 --> 00:35:19
			lead people astray.
		
00:35:20 --> 00:35:21
			Like anybody can quote books.
		
00:35:22 --> 00:35:23
			Naqal, head.
		
00:35:25 --> 00:35:27
			So we call it a naqal head.
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:29
			Just reading relating what they hear.
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:31
			But we need aqal.
		
00:35:32 --> 00:35:33
			And that's why sometimes you get frustrated as
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:36
			young people or younger people feel too old
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:38
			when you don't find answers that you're looking
		
00:35:38 --> 00:35:40
			for because people are just quoting text.
		
00:35:40 --> 00:35:41
			They're not thinking.
		
00:35:41 --> 00:35:42
			Even though they might know in their mind
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:44
			like there's this other opinion or I know
		
00:35:44 --> 00:35:46
			this might work or this will be better
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:49
			for them because they've been it's like Shawshank
		
00:35:49 --> 00:35:52
			Redemption when he left he was institutionalized.
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:53
			Right?
		
00:35:53 --> 00:35:56
			So you get out you kind of have
		
00:35:56 --> 00:35:59
			to think you get more concerned that you're
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:01
			not you're not around that apparatus that protected
		
00:36:01 --> 00:36:03
			you when you were in the in the
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:04
			doja.
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:07
			But you need to like imams need to
		
00:36:07 --> 00:36:08
			serve the people.
		
00:36:08 --> 00:36:10
			If you have that training you need to
		
00:36:10 --> 00:36:10
			serve the people.
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:14
			So the best is what resources you have
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:15
			available to you in your area.
		
00:36:16 --> 00:36:17
			Right?
		
00:36:19 --> 00:36:21
			So in this verse the act of marriage
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:23
			is attributed directly to the woman as the
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:24
			subject of the verb.
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:24
			That's what I'm looking for.
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:25
			Sorry.
		
00:36:25 --> 00:36:26
			I'm a little tired.
		
00:36:26 --> 00:36:28
			So the subject is a female subject.
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:31
			So Abu Hanif is like the actor on
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:32
			the verb is a woman.
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:34
			So this shows that a woman can marry
		
00:36:34 --> 00:36:35
			herself.
		
00:36:45 --> 00:36:47
			The majority they say no no hold on
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:51
			sheikh hold on imam we respect you we
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:54
			love you and we appreciate you but we
		
00:36:54 --> 00:36:57
			have too many ahadith and then we have
		
00:36:57 --> 00:36:58
			precedent of the sahaba.
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:02
			And so that action there's a great axiom
		
00:37:04 --> 00:37:08
			that actions are louder than words.
		
00:37:09 --> 00:37:11
			So that's why sometimes even hadith might be
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:13
			weak but you find madhab act on them
		
00:37:13 --> 00:37:15
			not because the hadith is weak because the
		
00:37:15 --> 00:37:16
			sahaba acted on that.
		
00:37:17 --> 00:37:18
			So the action strengthens the narration.
		
00:37:20 --> 00:37:22
			So here they're like well there's so many
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:28
			examples of people getting married without a wali
		
00:37:29 --> 00:37:33
			and the sahaba saying no like Omar like
		
00:37:33 --> 00:37:44
			Ali yes ma'am No
		
00:37:44 --> 00:37:46
			I'm saying the other side the sahaba were
		
00:37:46 --> 00:37:49
			practicing that you needed a wali not Abu
		
00:37:49 --> 00:37:50
			Hanifa's position.
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:53
			Yeah so I'm saying how do they argue
		
00:37:53 --> 00:37:56
			this verse of Quran they're saying you know
		
00:37:56 --> 00:37:58
			this is not talking about her marrying herself
		
00:37:58 --> 00:38:00
			this is talking about her okay yeah I
		
00:38:00 --> 00:38:02
			agree okay I'll marry take I can go
		
00:38:02 --> 00:38:05
			back to him that's one thing so there's
		
00:38:05 --> 00:38:08
			an interpretive device happening but then secondly they're
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:11
			saying we have precedent where sahaba did not
		
00:38:11 --> 00:38:15
			marry without walis right so the opposite so
		
00:38:15 --> 00:38:18
			we're talking about now the argument back with
		
00:38:18 --> 00:38:22
			Abu Hanifa they cite several pieces of evidence
		
00:38:22 --> 00:38:24
			I'll just mention a few because this is
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:26
			not a comparative law class you know the
		
00:38:26 --> 00:38:28
			statement of Aisha there's no marriage without a
		
00:38:28 --> 00:38:34
			guardian there's no marriage without a guardian there's
		
00:38:34 --> 00:38:35
			no marriage there's no marriage also from Sayyidah
		
00:38:35 --> 00:38:37
			Aisha that the Prophet ﷺ any woman who
		
00:38:37 --> 00:38:39
			marries herself without the permission of her guardian
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:45
			her marriage is invalid invalid invalid some people
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:48
			may ask like how could Abu Hanifa like
		
00:38:48 --> 00:38:50
			this way I have to be careful oh
		
00:38:50 --> 00:38:52
			how could Abu Hanifa go against these hadith
		
00:38:52 --> 00:38:53
			because Abu Hanifa's like this is the Quran
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:56
			I have more trust in the Quran than
		
00:38:56 --> 00:39:04
			these hadith where he lived yes no no
		
00:39:04 --> 00:39:18
			not in Baqarah yes ma'am absolutely
		
00:39:18 --> 00:39:22
			we'll get to that yeah absolutely yeah we
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:24
			talked about minors earlier no it's okay don't
		
00:39:24 --> 00:39:28
			be sorry this emphasizes according to them the
		
00:39:28 --> 00:39:32
			invalid that it's invalid for such a marriage
		
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35
			to be conducted without the guardian's permission affirming
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:39
			the necessity of their involvement honestly I am
		
00:39:39 --> 00:39:41
			of the opinion like if people came to
		
00:39:41 --> 00:39:43
			me and they were already married this way
		
00:39:43 --> 00:39:44
			like I'm not going to say their marriage
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:46
			isn't valid because this is the verse of
		
00:39:46 --> 00:39:48
			the Quran like Abu Hanifa is Abu Hanifa
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:52
			so nobody freak out right but I in
		
00:39:52 --> 00:39:55
			engaging a marriage contract I will demand me
		
00:39:55 --> 00:39:57
			as the one who's doing it that it
		
00:39:57 --> 00:40:01
			needs to be wadi but we're going to
		
00:40:01 --> 00:40:03
			talk about that in a second additionally the
		
00:40:03 --> 00:40:06
			woman is considered yeah so you can read
		
00:40:06 --> 00:40:08
			that part what are the conditions for a
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:10
			guardian people ask this question quite a bit
		
00:40:10 --> 00:40:17
			number one legal competence competence in general the
		
00:40:17 --> 00:40:20
			guardian must possess full legal capacity what we
		
00:40:20 --> 00:40:24
			talked about before a person lacking this such
		
00:40:24 --> 00:40:26
			as a minor or someone with any type
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:29
			of incapacity is unfit to manage their own
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:33
			affairs and therefore cannot oversee others affairs number
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:35
			two presence we're going to talk about that
		
00:40:35 --> 00:40:37
			later on like they need to be in
		
00:40:37 --> 00:40:42
			the person's life we'll get into what that
		
00:40:42 --> 00:40:45
			means in a second and there should be
		
00:40:45 --> 00:40:50
			a male as mentioned in the hadith of
		
00:40:50 --> 00:40:52
			the prophet says some ideally we'll talk about
		
00:40:52 --> 00:40:54
			in a second like what are the tiers
		
00:40:54 --> 00:41:00
			of that like the father than who there's
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:04
			a fourth condition that's different over I actually
		
00:41:04 --> 00:41:05
			agree with this condition that they should not
		
00:41:05 --> 00:41:10
			be evil people what I'm saying is like
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:14
			a fasiq like drinking alcohol or gambling or
		
00:41:14 --> 00:41:17
			beats stuffful at someone abuses someone in the
		
00:41:17 --> 00:41:22
			home or is involved in criminal behavior that
		
00:41:22 --> 00:41:24
			kind of person in any type of contract
		
00:41:24 --> 00:41:25
			will be suspect why not in the marriage
		
00:41:25 --> 00:41:29
			contract is there any leeway given to that
		
00:41:29 --> 00:41:34
			person if the daughter says I don't want
		
00:41:34 --> 00:41:37
			this person for this reason I wouldn't impose
		
00:41:37 --> 00:41:38
			that on anyone but let's say the daughter
		
00:41:38 --> 00:41:42
			said listen my father I've seen this man
		
00:41:42 --> 00:41:44
			it's hard man like my father is not
		
00:41:44 --> 00:41:47
			a good person my father is not a
		
00:41:47 --> 00:41:49
			good person I don't feel comfortable with him
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:53
			being like on the contract that's her right
		
00:41:54 --> 00:42:00
			yes ma'am there should be a Muslim
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:01
			man but he should be as we said
		
00:42:01 --> 00:42:04
			here ideally not we're not talking about like
		
00:42:04 --> 00:42:06
			Al-Ghazali right I'm just saying he should
		
00:42:06 --> 00:42:09
			be a good guy right we also have
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:10
			to be careful I've seen this one time
		
00:42:10 --> 00:42:12
			I came to a masjid and there was
		
00:42:12 --> 00:42:14
			a man outside crying this is down south
		
00:42:14 --> 00:42:16
			and I was like he was from Jordan
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:21
			I was like what's wrong and he said
		
00:42:21 --> 00:42:23
			you know my daughter fell into some weird
		
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26
			cult and they said that because I don't
		
00:42:26 --> 00:42:29
			have a beard I can't be her wali
		
00:42:31 --> 00:42:32
			and I said let me guess the person
		
00:42:32 --> 00:42:34
			who told her that is the one marrying
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:37
			her he's like yes so we went inside
		
00:42:37 --> 00:42:40
			and we you know we handled it this
		
00:42:40 --> 00:42:42
			is this is before 9-11 things were
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:44
			a little different we took care of business
		
00:42:45 --> 00:42:48
			and Alhamdulillah I pulled her outside and I
		
00:42:48 --> 00:42:50
			was like listen I'm like you I embraced
		
00:42:50 --> 00:42:54
			Islam you are going to hemorrhage a relationship
		
00:42:54 --> 00:42:57
			with your parents your well she didn't embrace
		
00:42:57 --> 00:43:01
			Islam you're going to hemorrhage your relationship I
		
00:43:01 --> 00:43:02
			was telling her in my own relationship like
		
00:43:02 --> 00:43:04
			I'm a man and still my mama was
		
00:43:04 --> 00:43:06
			at my wedding my mama was like met
		
00:43:06 --> 00:43:07
			the person I'm going to marry my mama
		
00:43:07 --> 00:43:12
			met Marian in Oklahoma she went to Oklahoma
		
00:43:12 --> 00:43:14
			right before my mother died oh I like
		
00:43:14 --> 00:43:17
			her she's pretty Lebanese girl's nice okay you
		
00:43:17 --> 00:43:19
			know I was okay I was like yeah
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:21
			I mean what can I say you know
		
00:43:21 --> 00:43:23
			but the point is I was trying to
		
00:43:23 --> 00:43:26
			say like I'm my parents aren't even Muslim
		
00:43:26 --> 00:43:29
			and they are involved in my marriage you
		
00:43:29 --> 00:43:34
			your dad's from Jordan and you're not even
		
00:43:34 --> 00:43:36
			involved with him in your marriage because he
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:40
			has a beard are you insane and she's
		
00:43:40 --> 00:43:41
			like you know I don't know man these
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:43
			people and then she kind of like started
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:46
			slowly like getting out of this cult that
		
00:43:46 --> 00:43:48
			she was in and I said to her
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:50
			man you need to run man go with
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:51
			your daddy get in the car and go
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:57
			right and so we have to be careful
		
00:43:57 --> 00:43:59
			when we say someone's a in the sense
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:01
			that's not but what we mean is like
		
00:44:01 --> 00:44:03
			some of them are doing like really evil
		
00:44:03 --> 00:44:06
			stuff man oh sometimes they don't pray we're
		
00:44:06 --> 00:44:08
			not talking about this ideally people should pray
		
00:44:09 --> 00:44:11
			but what we're talking about is like robbing
		
00:44:11 --> 00:44:17
			banks you know abusing people ripping people off
		
00:44:17 --> 00:44:20
			maybe he sexually abused his daughter we've seen
		
00:44:20 --> 00:44:24
			this before all that stuff is what we're
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:29
			talking about the priority of acting as a
		
00:44:29 --> 00:44:32
			Wali I'm going to give you the following
		
00:44:32 --> 00:44:36
			and you can we'll get to the practical
		
00:44:36 --> 00:44:38
			application of it when we finish sometimes you'll
		
00:44:38 --> 00:44:41
			notice that law is very impractical it'll give
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:46
			certain points because often times it's leaving kind
		
00:44:46 --> 00:44:49
			of a leeway to the person so it
		
00:44:49 --> 00:44:51
			may seem that way but actually saying look
		
00:44:51 --> 00:44:52
			you kind of got to manage your own
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:56
			stuff man like we're not going to coddle
		
00:44:56 --> 00:44:59
			you all the way through it which is
		
00:44:59 --> 00:45:00
			something I like about Islamic law it's not
		
00:45:00 --> 00:45:03
			Orwellian it's not upon you like this it's
		
00:45:03 --> 00:45:06
			interesting that modern Muslim states in the name
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:09
			of Islam were very Orwellian right in the
		
00:45:09 --> 00:45:13
			name of Sharia imposing everything on people when
		
00:45:13 --> 00:45:16
			you read early jurists and their engagement with
		
00:45:16 --> 00:45:19
			new societies they're just like these are people
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:23
			we're dealing with like these people need time
		
00:45:24 --> 00:45:26
			so the first of course is the father
		
00:45:26 --> 00:45:28
			ideally if the father is being a father
		
00:45:29 --> 00:45:32
			the father of a woman takes precedence in
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:35
			arranging her affairs specifically in this context of
		
00:45:35 --> 00:45:37
			marriage this is because he's the most ideally
		
00:45:38 --> 00:45:40
			aware of her compassionate and protective of her
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:45
			ideally with no one else sharing guardianship rights
		
00:45:45 --> 00:45:47
			alongside him this is the opinion of Ahmed
		
00:45:47 --> 00:45:53
			Abu Hanifa and Shafi the second is what
		
00:45:53 --> 00:45:55
			we would say is someone who he's given
		
00:45:55 --> 00:45:58
			sort of like the right of attorney like
		
00:45:58 --> 00:46:02
			who would execute his will if the father
		
00:46:02 --> 00:46:04
			has designated a guardian in his will so
		
00:46:04 --> 00:46:06
			let's say he wrote in his will that
		
00:46:06 --> 00:46:08
			this person will be the person who's the
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:11
			wali of my daughter and the daughter agrees
		
00:46:11 --> 00:46:14
			and the person again is not robbing banks
		
00:46:14 --> 00:46:19
			and evil then ideally that would be the
		
00:46:19 --> 00:46:21
			second because of and also it's known that
		
00:46:21 --> 00:46:23
			the father wasn't doing this to punish her
		
00:46:24 --> 00:46:26
			and there's cases where this has happened in
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:29
			Islamic law there was a man during the
		
00:46:29 --> 00:46:31
			time of Ibn Affan who divorced his wife
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:33
			on his deathbed he died the next day
		
00:46:34 --> 00:46:38
			and then he said because the divorced woman
		
00:46:38 --> 00:46:43
			doesn't inherit Sayyidina Uthman he said like why
		
00:46:43 --> 00:46:44
			did he divorce you he's mad at me
		
00:46:44 --> 00:46:45
			he's like no no you're going to inherit
		
00:46:46 --> 00:46:49
			like this was meant to punish her she'd
		
00:46:49 --> 00:46:53
			been with him for decades right so again
		
00:46:53 --> 00:46:55
			there's some leeway here like was this person
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:57
			chosen maybe I've seen this where fathers have
		
00:46:57 --> 00:47:00
			beef with their daughters to give her a
		
00:47:00 --> 00:47:03
			hard time the third is the grandfather on
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:07
			the paternal side and also on the maternal
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:11
			side because ideally they step in as sort
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:15
			of the role of a fatherly figure ideally
		
00:47:15 --> 00:47:19
			in the life of the daughter so you
		
00:47:19 --> 00:47:23
			said this was the grandfather yeah dada or
		
00:47:23 --> 00:47:28
			nana nana right no dada both right nana's
		
00:47:28 --> 00:47:33
			mama dada's yeah forgot a lot I need
		
00:47:33 --> 00:47:34
			to go to kebab and cry and like
		
00:47:34 --> 00:47:37
			sit there for a few hours and get
		
00:47:37 --> 00:47:42
			it back or a kebab palace this is
		
00:47:42 --> 00:47:45
			the position of imam shafi and although ahmed
		
00:47:45 --> 00:47:49
			and ahmed there's always two opinions of ahmed's
		
00:47:49 --> 00:47:53
			school differ slightly they give the brother the
		
00:47:53 --> 00:47:55
			right over the grandfather so what I would
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:57
			tell people is whichever one you feel most
		
00:47:57 --> 00:48:03
			comfortable with the fourth is the son and
		
00:48:03 --> 00:48:05
			his descendants if we just stick to the
		
00:48:05 --> 00:48:08
			without mentioning and the difference of opinion I
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:08
			talked about a second ago.
		
00:48:09 --> 00:48:14
			The fifth is the brother full or paternal,
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:17
			as well as his descendants.
		
00:48:18 --> 00:48:21
			And keep in mind, this is like legal
		
00:48:21 --> 00:48:21
			philosophy.
		
00:48:22 --> 00:48:23
			Like, this is not binding.
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:25
			The father's binding.
		
00:48:26 --> 00:48:28
			Others, there's some differences of opinion.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29
			Sometimes it's inferences.
		
00:48:30 --> 00:48:31
			Sometimes it's this and this.
		
00:48:31 --> 00:48:31
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:48:32 --> 00:48:34
			I have a question regarding the United Arab
		
00:48:34 --> 00:48:36
			Emirates, specifically for the captive Arab repatriator.
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:40
			So, let's say this person, like, they have
		
00:48:40 --> 00:48:43
			mokhi brothers, broad full brothers, and half brothers.
		
00:48:43 --> 00:48:44
			Let's say half brothers.
		
00:48:45 --> 00:48:49
			But, while you should identify mostly, if the
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:52
			half brother versus the full brother, it's a
		
00:48:52 --> 00:48:53
			long side there.
		
00:48:53 --> 00:48:54
			Sure.
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:57
			Would the half brother be precedence over the
		
00:48:57 --> 00:48:58
			full brother?
		
00:48:58 --> 00:48:58
			Absolutely.
		
00:48:59 --> 00:49:00
			And if they're both Muslim, then the full
		
00:49:00 --> 00:49:02
			brother takes precedence over the stepbrother.
		
00:49:03 --> 00:49:04
			Yeah.
		
00:49:05 --> 00:49:07
			Wait, so, I guess I'm being kind of
		
00:49:07 --> 00:49:10
			confused because, like, so...
		
00:49:10 --> 00:49:11
			If they're both Muslim.
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:13
			You said one was not Muslim, right?
		
00:49:13 --> 00:49:14
			Yes.
		
00:49:14 --> 00:49:16
			Brother, stepbrother, you use synonymously here?
		
00:49:17 --> 00:49:18
			Yeah, synonymously.
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:18
			Oh.
		
00:49:18 --> 00:49:18
			Yeah.
		
00:49:19 --> 00:49:19
			No, it's good.
		
00:49:20 --> 00:49:20
			You got it?
		
00:49:21 --> 00:49:21
			Yeah.
		
00:49:21 --> 00:49:22
			So, just to make sure, right?
		
00:49:22 --> 00:49:24
			So, let's say I have stepbrother and full
		
00:49:24 --> 00:49:25
			brother here.
		
00:49:25 --> 00:49:26
			I don't like this word.
		
00:49:26 --> 00:49:27
			I'm just using it.
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:30
			And this is Muslim, this is not Muslim,
		
00:49:30 --> 00:49:31
			then the Muslim is my wali.
		
00:49:31 --> 00:49:32
			Okay.
		
00:49:32 --> 00:49:34
			Let's say they're both Muslim.
		
00:49:34 --> 00:49:36
			It's your choice, by the way, right?
		
00:49:37 --> 00:49:39
			Ideally, we would want to choose the full
		
00:49:39 --> 00:49:40
			before the step.
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:43
			But this can be based on relationships, closeness,
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:43
			proximity.
		
00:49:43 --> 00:49:45
			We'll talk about this all in a second.
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:46
			No, thank you for asking.
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:47
			It's a good question.
		
00:49:48 --> 00:49:52
			The paternal uncle is the sixth.
		
00:49:52 --> 00:49:56
			Seventh are closest male relatives amongst blood relations.
		
00:49:59 --> 00:49:59
			As-salamu alaykum.
		
00:50:01 --> 00:50:04
			And then finally, anyone entitled to inherit either
		
00:50:04 --> 00:50:08
			by a fixed share or through some portion
		
00:50:08 --> 00:50:09
			from the wali.
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:11
			Thank you so much.
		
00:50:12 --> 00:50:15
			And then the last is, like, whoever she
		
00:50:15 --> 00:50:18
			feels comfortable with that is not a relative.
		
00:50:19 --> 00:50:20
			Say that none of these are there.
		
00:50:23 --> 00:50:25
			There's examples in this from the sunnah that
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:25
			I put.
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:26
			You can read them on your own.
		
00:50:30 --> 00:50:33
			If that is not possible, and so for
		
00:50:33 --> 00:50:38
			us, those of us who embraced Islam, like,
		
00:50:38 --> 00:50:41
			oftentimes, we don't have anybody to be our
		
00:50:41 --> 00:50:41
			wali.
		
00:50:42 --> 00:50:47
			So in the absence of a wali, the
		
00:50:47 --> 00:50:50
			local authority, we use authority, meaning authority for
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:53
			wilaya, would be like the imam that she
		
00:50:53 --> 00:50:53
			knows.
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:55
			Again, it shouldn't be anyone.
		
00:50:56 --> 00:50:57
			They should know this person.
		
00:50:57 --> 00:50:59
			Maybe it's the person that brought her into
		
00:50:59 --> 00:50:59
			Islam.
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:02
			Maybe he and her, his wife.
		
00:51:03 --> 00:51:06
			Maybe there's somebody that mentored her.
		
00:51:06 --> 00:51:07
			You know, a family that she knows.
		
00:51:08 --> 00:51:09
			This is where you want to look for
		
00:51:09 --> 00:51:10
			having, like, wilaya.
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:12
			You don't just go to the imam that
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:13
			you don't know and say, you're my wali
		
00:51:13 --> 00:51:13
			now.
		
00:51:16 --> 00:51:18
			It makes sense in a way, right?
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:21
			But imams are people too.
		
00:51:23 --> 00:51:25
			And so if they're not aware of, like,
		
00:51:26 --> 00:51:28
			the intrinsic sort of, as well as kind
		
00:51:28 --> 00:51:33
			of, like, who this person is, how are
		
00:51:33 --> 00:51:33
			you her wali?
		
00:51:35 --> 00:51:37
			So ideally, if that's not possible, then, yeah,
		
00:51:37 --> 00:51:38
			she goes to the masjid, listen, I need
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:40
			to get married, I need to have a
		
00:51:40 --> 00:51:40
			wali.
		
00:51:41 --> 00:51:42
			I just need someone here to do it
		
00:51:42 --> 00:51:43
			for me.
		
00:51:44 --> 00:51:44
			That's acceptable.
		
00:51:45 --> 00:51:47
			We have the hadith, the ruler is the
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:48
			guardian for the one who has no guardian.
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:51
			We take the sultan now, we don't have
		
00:51:51 --> 00:51:54
			sultan, but we have leadership authority.
		
00:51:57 --> 00:52:01
			And so if there are no guardians, as
		
00:52:01 --> 00:52:03
			we mentioned before, present, the responsibility may pass
		
00:52:03 --> 00:52:06
			to those, the most reputable and capable, as
		
00:52:06 --> 00:52:08
			well as those who know her the most
		
00:52:08 --> 00:52:10
			in the community.
		
00:52:11 --> 00:52:14
			We have an important axiom in the Maliki
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:17
			Madhhab, al-jama'a tu'atabir al-qadi
		
00:52:17 --> 00:52:17
			bi-adami.
		
00:52:18 --> 00:52:20
			When there's no qadi, the community became the
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:21
			qadi.
		
00:52:22 --> 00:52:22
			Like the community.
		
00:52:24 --> 00:52:25
			Town hall leadership, if you will.
		
00:52:25 --> 00:52:26
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:52:26 --> 00:52:29
			So if you have, let's say, I've seen
		
00:52:29 --> 00:52:32
			this a lot with my friends, for rebirths,
		
00:52:32 --> 00:52:35
			like, is it possible for like, let's say
		
00:52:35 --> 00:52:37
			the spouse of one of their very close
		
00:52:37 --> 00:52:38
			friends to be like...
		
00:52:38 --> 00:52:39
			Absolutely.
		
00:52:39 --> 00:52:41
			Yeah, I would encourage that.
		
00:52:41 --> 00:52:44
			Because also what else happens, that imam's gonna
		
00:52:44 --> 00:52:45
			get busy.
		
00:52:46 --> 00:52:47
			Let's say he's the wali for like 500
		
00:52:47 --> 00:52:48
			people.
		
00:52:50 --> 00:52:51
			One of those 500 people's gonna have a
		
00:52:51 --> 00:52:52
			problem in a marriage.
		
00:52:53 --> 00:52:55
			But he's gonna be so busy, and then
		
00:52:55 --> 00:52:57
			they're gonna put him online and say, this
		
00:52:57 --> 00:52:57
			guy didn't help me.
		
00:52:57 --> 00:52:58
			Well, it's not his fault.
		
00:52:58 --> 00:52:59
			He has no staff.
		
00:52:59 --> 00:53:00
			He's all alone.
		
00:53:00 --> 00:53:01
			He's 500 girls.
		
00:53:01 --> 00:53:02
			But he should never have done that.
		
00:53:03 --> 00:53:05
			He should have said, listen, I can find
		
00:53:05 --> 00:53:06
			someone if you don't know someone.
		
00:53:06 --> 00:53:08
			But if you have, like you said, like
		
00:53:08 --> 00:53:11
			if you have friends who are married, then
		
00:53:11 --> 00:53:13
			it's acceptable for their spouse to be your
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:14
			wali.
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:15
			Absolutely.
		
00:53:15 --> 00:53:16
			It's probably better.
		
00:53:16 --> 00:53:18
			Has it been like in the...
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:22
			I think maybe in the US, we just
		
00:53:22 --> 00:53:25
			don't have as much practice to that.
		
00:53:25 --> 00:53:26
			Like I feel like when I talk to
		
00:53:26 --> 00:53:28
			my friends who are from other countries, it's
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:30
			actually quite common if they have a friend
		
00:53:30 --> 00:53:32
			where like, oh, well, like, you know, maybe
		
00:53:32 --> 00:53:33
			her brother's passed away.
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:34
			Absolutely.
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:37
			It's quite common for a family friend, like
		
00:53:37 --> 00:53:39
			their husband or their, you know, uncle or
		
00:53:39 --> 00:53:40
			whatever to step in.
		
00:53:40 --> 00:53:42
			I feel like it's less common in the
		
00:53:42 --> 00:53:45
			US, maybe because of a weird gender dynamic
		
00:53:45 --> 00:53:46
			separation thing.
		
00:53:46 --> 00:53:48
			But sometimes the only person that they have
		
00:53:48 --> 00:53:50
			that knows them is like a friend's spouse.
		
00:53:52 --> 00:53:55
			In communities that we've embraced Islam, it's very
		
00:53:55 --> 00:53:55
			fluid.
		
00:53:56 --> 00:53:57
			It's very fluid with us.
		
00:53:58 --> 00:53:59
			At least, you know, ideally.
		
00:54:00 --> 00:54:02
			But again, go back to that marriage center
		
00:54:02 --> 00:54:03
			that I talked about.
		
00:54:04 --> 00:54:10
			No, you'd have people, okay, wali services, right?
		
00:54:10 --> 00:54:11
			So it's like a Costco for nikah.
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:14
			And the whole community contributes to it.
		
00:54:15 --> 00:54:17
			And that's all it does is marriage, divorce,
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:18
			inheritance.
		
00:54:18 --> 00:54:18
			That's it.
		
00:54:20 --> 00:54:21
			It takes all the pressure off the nonprofits,
		
00:54:22 --> 00:54:24
			but then it performs admirably and serves the
		
00:54:24 --> 00:54:25
			people and it can scale.
		
00:54:25 --> 00:54:26
			It would scale.
		
00:54:27 --> 00:54:29
			Because every day somebody get married.
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:30
			Every day somebody getting divorced.
		
00:54:32 --> 00:54:33
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:54:34 --> 00:54:36
			Sorry, I have to ask another question.
		
00:54:38 --> 00:54:41
			I feel like I'm missing something regarding tulali.
		
00:54:41 --> 00:54:42
			Like, I know you had spoken about the
		
00:54:42 --> 00:54:44
			women in the Quran being able to marry
		
00:54:44 --> 00:54:45
			themselves.
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:47
			And I know that the responsibility of tulali
		
00:54:47 --> 00:54:50
			is beyond just marrying somebody.
		
00:54:50 --> 00:54:56
			But I feel like for you not to
		
00:54:56 --> 00:54:58
			be able to get married only because you
		
00:54:58 --> 00:55:01
			don't have a male at bigger in your
		
00:55:01 --> 00:55:02
			life, for whatever the reason may be, whether
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:05
			you just don't have one or you don't
		
00:55:05 --> 00:55:07
			fall into any of these categories or you
		
00:55:07 --> 00:55:09
			just, you know, they all kind of whatever,
		
00:55:09 --> 00:55:12
			insert reason, is that a strong enough reason
		
00:55:12 --> 00:55:14
			for you not to be able to, and
		
00:55:14 --> 00:55:16
			not to marry you?
		
00:55:20 --> 00:55:22
			No, he should marry you.
		
00:55:22 --> 00:55:22
			We'll talk about it.
		
00:55:23 --> 00:55:24
			Yeah, he should.
		
00:55:27 --> 00:55:27
			Yeah.
		
00:55:29 --> 00:55:31
			I don't believe you.
		
00:55:31 --> 00:55:33
			You don't have bad intentions, but I don't
		
00:55:33 --> 00:55:35
			see why you have the best intention either
		
00:55:35 --> 00:55:36
			to go out of your way and bend
		
00:55:36 --> 00:55:37
			over backwards.
		
00:55:37 --> 00:55:39
			I could do that for myself, especially as
		
00:55:39 --> 00:55:40
			my goal.
		
00:55:41 --> 00:55:43
			With the understanding that obviously the wali...
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:48
			I think just to get around the contractual
		
00:55:48 --> 00:55:50
			loophole and the difference that it may cause,
		
00:55:50 --> 00:55:52
			it would probably be best just to have
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:54
			that imam sign that document in case you
		
00:55:54 --> 00:55:55
			want to go overseas, you want to go
		
00:55:55 --> 00:55:57
			there, and they're like, what was the wali?
		
00:55:58 --> 00:56:01
			It would just continue to kind of present
		
00:56:01 --> 00:56:02
			itself, right?
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:04
			So in that case, it might just be
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:06
			like, like you said, a lot of women
		
00:56:06 --> 00:56:08
			don't need walis, right?
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:11
			A lot of women who became Muslim in
		
00:56:11 --> 00:56:13
			particular are older or younger, but they've had
		
00:56:13 --> 00:56:15
			a distilled experience in relationships.
		
00:56:16 --> 00:56:17
			They know how to be their own wali,
		
00:56:17 --> 00:56:18
			right?
		
00:56:18 --> 00:56:19
			So just get it done, hit the contract
		
00:56:19 --> 00:56:20
			up, peace out.
		
00:56:21 --> 00:56:22
			If I got a problem, I'll call you,
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:24
			right?
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:25
			That's kind of how it goes.
		
00:56:25 --> 00:56:27
			But I, when I was the imam, I
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:29
			didn't like, I was like, I can't be,
		
00:56:29 --> 00:56:30
			like, I don't know you.
		
00:56:30 --> 00:56:31
			Like, well, I'm your wali, man.
		
00:56:32 --> 00:56:33
			And I don't know you too.
		
00:56:33 --> 00:56:34
			Like, what if you're crazy?
		
00:56:35 --> 00:56:36
			No, I'm just saying like, what if the
		
00:56:36 --> 00:56:38
			guy turns up dead tomorrow and then I'm,
		
00:56:38 --> 00:56:40
			no, I'm your wali, right?
		
00:56:40 --> 00:56:42
			It's just like, way to go, bro.
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:46
			It's like social media, here we come again,
		
00:56:46 --> 00:56:48
			you know, and he married this mass murderer.
		
00:56:49 --> 00:56:51
			You know, so like, it's a double-edged
		
00:56:51 --> 00:56:51
			sword on that one.
		
00:56:52 --> 00:56:53
			But again, there are times where I've had
		
00:56:53 --> 00:56:56
			to say, okay, I'll be your wali just
		
00:56:56 --> 00:56:57
			so you can get, you can tell when
		
00:56:57 --> 00:56:59
			people really want to get married, man.
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:00
			You know?
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:01
			That's like a diggy bag question.
		
00:57:03 --> 00:57:06
			So like in contracts or witnesses, I think
		
00:57:06 --> 00:57:08
			it's like two males or a male and
		
00:57:08 --> 00:57:08
			two females.
		
00:57:09 --> 00:57:10
			Can you just have two females?
		
00:57:11 --> 00:57:12
			No, we talked about it last week or
		
00:57:12 --> 00:57:13
			two weeks ago.
		
00:57:13 --> 00:57:13
			It's all mine.
		
00:57:14 --> 00:57:14
			I went through that.
		
00:57:15 --> 00:57:16
			We're going to go to witnesses again, though.
		
00:57:16 --> 00:57:18
			So it'll come up one more time.
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:19
			Yes, ma'am.
		
00:57:21 --> 00:57:24
			No, it's all good.
		
00:57:27 --> 00:57:29
			So the sticks kind of close to home
		
00:57:29 --> 00:57:30
			and the river.
		
00:57:30 --> 00:57:34
			I didn't have one specific male cousin that
		
00:57:34 --> 00:57:37
			also is Muslim, but I'm not supposed to
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:38
			him for a reason.
		
00:57:39 --> 00:57:42
			But I do have a friend, husband.
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:45
			I understand that as a line of priority
		
00:57:45 --> 00:57:46
			listed in the book.
		
00:57:47 --> 00:57:49
			But these are not obligations.
		
00:57:50 --> 00:57:51
			Those priorities aren't obligatory.
		
00:57:52 --> 00:57:53
			It's just ideals, right?
		
00:57:53 --> 00:57:54
			But you ultimately want to be able to
		
00:57:54 --> 00:57:55
			choose for yourself.
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:57
			Let's get going.
		
00:57:57 --> 00:57:58
			Just sorry, guys.
		
00:57:58 --> 00:58:00
			I actually love the questions, but I know
		
00:58:00 --> 00:58:01
			we got information we want to cover and
		
00:58:01 --> 00:58:02
			people want to move.
		
00:58:03 --> 00:58:05
			So preventing the marriage, right?
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:08
			The Wali have the right to prevent the
		
00:58:08 --> 00:58:08
			marriage from happening.
		
00:58:08 --> 00:58:10
			This is a question that I think I
		
00:58:10 --> 00:58:12
			get every week, at least two or three
		
00:58:12 --> 00:58:12
			times.
		
00:58:13 --> 00:58:17
			What's called Ta'adul, from Aadl.
		
00:58:17 --> 00:58:19
			With Daad, not Daad.
		
00:58:19 --> 00:58:20
			It's Ta'af, instead of Aadl.
		
00:58:21 --> 00:58:23
			Which is defined, Aadl is unjust prevention.
		
00:58:25 --> 00:58:26
			So I'm stopping something in an unjust way.
		
00:58:28 --> 00:58:31
			This occurs when the closest guardian refuses to
		
00:58:31 --> 00:58:33
			marry a woman to a suitable partner she
		
00:58:33 --> 00:58:34
			likes.
		
00:58:34 --> 00:58:37
			She's chosen despite that partner's compatibility.
		
00:58:38 --> 00:58:39
			So just for no reason.
		
00:58:39 --> 00:58:40
			Just to flex.
		
00:58:41 --> 00:58:44
			This is prohibited in Islamic law.
		
00:58:45 --> 00:58:45
			This is not allowed.
		
00:58:47 --> 00:58:49
			An example of this is the case of
		
00:58:49 --> 00:58:50
			Ma'qal ibn Yasir.
		
00:58:53 --> 00:58:55
			He says, I married my sister to a
		
00:58:55 --> 00:58:56
			man.
		
00:58:56 --> 00:58:57
			And he divorced her.
		
00:58:57 --> 00:58:59
			And after her waiting period ended, he came
		
00:58:59 --> 00:59:01
			back seeking to remarry her.
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:04
			And I said, I married her to you,
		
00:59:04 --> 00:59:06
			I honored you and allowed you to be
		
00:59:06 --> 00:59:07
			with her, but you divorced her.
		
00:59:07 --> 00:59:09
			Now you're coming back, asking for her again?
		
00:59:11 --> 00:59:12
			You can see this happening.
		
00:59:12 --> 00:59:14
			By Allah, she will never return to you.
		
00:59:15 --> 00:59:17
			However, my sister wanted to remarry him.
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:22
			So she's still, you gotta love Ma'qal.
		
00:59:22 --> 00:59:24
			Ma'qal's really honest about it.
		
00:59:24 --> 00:59:25
			But even though she liked him, I was
		
00:59:25 --> 00:59:26
			just like, no.
		
00:59:27 --> 00:59:28
			Because of pride.
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:31
			And then he said, and then the verse
		
00:59:31 --> 00:59:35
			came, فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ إِنْ كَحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَاضُوا
		
00:59:35 --> 00:59:39
			بَيْنَهُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ Surah Baqarah, verse 232.
		
00:59:39 --> 00:59:42
			Do not prevent them from marrying their former
		
00:59:42 --> 00:59:42
			husbands.
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:45
			So I said, now I will comply.
		
00:59:47 --> 00:59:48
			The Prophet was there.
		
00:59:48 --> 00:59:49
			The verse came down at that moment.
		
00:59:50 --> 00:59:52
			He said, O Messenger of Allah, and I
		
00:59:52 --> 00:59:54
			co-sign this deal.
		
00:59:57 --> 00:59:59
			And I get sad that you have a
		
00:59:59 --> 01:00:01
			verse in the Quran, فَلَا تَعْدُلُهُنَّ إِنْ كَحْنَ
		
01:00:01 --> 01:00:02
			أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ And people are arguing about this.
		
01:00:02 --> 01:00:04
			It's written in the Quran.
		
01:00:07 --> 01:00:13
			And affirming the woman's agency utility and the
		
01:00:13 --> 01:00:15
			sin of keeping her from that.
		
01:00:16 --> 01:00:18
			The ruling on guardianship in case of refusal
		
01:00:18 --> 01:00:19
			or long absence.
		
01:00:20 --> 01:00:23
			So if a woman chooses a specific suitable
		
01:00:23 --> 01:00:26
			partner for her and her guardian refuses to
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:28
			marry to him without a valid reason, this
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:31
			constitutes a form of injustice as we talked
		
01:00:31 --> 01:00:32
			about earlier.
		
01:00:32 --> 01:00:34
			In such cases, she has the right to
		
01:00:34 --> 01:00:35
			be married to the person she has chosen
		
01:00:35 --> 01:00:36
			by someone else.
		
01:00:36 --> 01:00:37
			So in that case, the wilayah can move
		
01:00:37 --> 01:00:38
			to someone else.
		
01:00:40 --> 01:00:41
			If she follows the opinion of the majority
		
01:00:41 --> 01:00:42
			of Abu Hanifa.
		
01:00:42 --> 01:00:44
			By the way, the Hanifi opinion, we need
		
01:00:44 --> 01:00:44
			to be careful.
		
01:00:45 --> 01:00:47
			Because while they say, yes, she can marry
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:50
			herself without her wali, once her wali finds
		
01:00:50 --> 01:00:52
			out she's married, he could come and annul
		
01:00:52 --> 01:00:53
			the contract if he wasn't pleased with the
		
01:00:53 --> 01:00:53
			man.
		
01:00:54 --> 01:00:55
			So you have to be a little careful.
		
01:00:56 --> 01:00:58
			Don't be going crazy, you know what I'm
		
01:00:58 --> 01:00:58
			saying?
		
01:00:58 --> 01:00:59
			You're giving me trouble.
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:02
			You can still come back and annul if,
		
01:01:03 --> 01:01:06
			it had to be adjudicated under certain conditions.
		
01:01:09 --> 01:01:11
			Let's talk about the long-term absence of
		
01:01:11 --> 01:01:11
			a guardian.
		
01:01:12 --> 01:01:14
			Number one is when communication is not possible.
		
01:01:16 --> 01:01:17
			So this is ancient times like the Silk
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:20
			Road or off for battle or traveling.
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:23
			So if the guardian cannot be reached by
		
01:01:23 --> 01:01:25
			letter, what we used to do is we
		
01:01:25 --> 01:01:27
			would send people certified letters.
		
01:01:28 --> 01:01:30
			That's how we try to find them.
		
01:01:31 --> 01:01:33
			Or direct communication, or if they receive the
		
01:01:33 --> 01:01:36
			message but fail to respond, the responsibility of
		
01:01:36 --> 01:01:38
			guardianship at that moment can transfer.
		
01:01:38 --> 01:01:43
			So they're just not answering their responsibility.
		
01:01:50 --> 01:01:52
			The second is like, what do we mean
		
01:01:52 --> 01:01:53
			by long absence?
		
01:01:57 --> 01:01:59
			And so ideally, long absence is going to
		
01:01:59 --> 01:02:03
			be defined by culture, like what's understood where
		
01:02:03 --> 01:02:04
			we live.
		
01:02:05 --> 01:02:07
			And perhaps here, maybe the best will be
		
01:02:07 --> 01:02:08
			to refer even to the courts.
		
01:02:08 --> 01:02:11
			How does the courts, with all its experience,
		
01:02:11 --> 01:02:14
			all its social sort of study, define what
		
01:02:14 --> 01:02:15
			is like long absence?
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:18
			I don't have a definition for that.
		
01:02:20 --> 01:02:22
			In order to elaborate on this more, and
		
01:02:22 --> 01:02:24
			I'll finish now, I'm going to answer, I'm
		
01:02:24 --> 01:02:25
			going to share with you three answers I
		
01:02:25 --> 01:02:26
			wrote to questions that I got that are
		
01:02:26 --> 01:02:30
			like the most common questions around wilaya.
		
01:02:31 --> 01:02:33
			And then I added three fatwa of Dr.
		
01:02:33 --> 01:02:34
			Yusuf Qaradawi.
		
01:02:35 --> 01:02:36
			I'll tell you what the topics are.
		
01:02:36 --> 01:02:38
			They're kind of, they're not long, but they're
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:39
			like, I don't want to read them to
		
01:02:39 --> 01:02:42
			you here, that I think also touch on
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:45
			a number of very important issues related to
		
01:02:45 --> 01:02:46
			wilaya.
		
01:02:46 --> 01:02:48
			And the next week we'll pick up a
		
01:02:48 --> 01:02:49
			week after and talk about witnesses.
		
01:02:50 --> 01:02:52
			So number one is like an incarcerated father,
		
01:02:53 --> 01:02:55
			especially for those of us, not just us
		
01:02:55 --> 01:02:57
			who become Muslim, but you find it like
		
01:02:57 --> 01:02:57
			it happens.
		
01:02:58 --> 01:02:59
			Fathers are incarcerated.
		
01:02:59 --> 01:03:00
			This is a carceral state, man.
		
01:03:01 --> 01:03:03
			This state is, this country is built on
		
01:03:03 --> 01:03:04
			a prison system.
		
01:03:05 --> 01:03:07
			So I want to get married.
		
01:03:07 --> 01:03:08
			My father is incarcerated.
		
01:03:08 --> 01:03:09
			What do I do about my wali?
		
01:03:11 --> 01:03:13
			So the answer to this question lies in
		
01:03:13 --> 01:03:14
			that there are two different types of wilaya,
		
01:03:15 --> 01:03:18
			as we talked about earlier, but specifically in
		
01:03:18 --> 01:03:19
			this context.
		
01:03:22 --> 01:03:24
			So absence falls under two types, permanent and
		
01:03:24 --> 01:03:24
			temporary.
		
01:03:26 --> 01:03:29
			Incarceration falls under temporary.
		
01:03:30 --> 01:03:32
			Ideally, this person has like a life sentence,
		
01:03:32 --> 01:03:33
			whereas some of them don't.
		
01:03:34 --> 01:03:41
			And so in that situation, if the father
		
01:03:41 --> 01:03:43
			is unable to communicate his will to her
		
01:03:43 --> 01:03:46
			suitor's family, then she can appoint someone to
		
01:03:46 --> 01:03:47
			be her wali.
		
01:03:51 --> 01:03:54
			It's not possible to communicate with them.
		
01:03:54 --> 01:03:57
			It's like in a supermax, or they have
		
01:03:57 --> 01:04:02
			them in, or it's hard to communicate with
		
01:04:02 --> 01:04:02
			them also.
		
01:04:02 --> 01:04:03
			Like it's hard, it takes time.
		
01:04:06 --> 01:04:07
			The second question that I get a lot
		
01:04:07 --> 01:04:09
			are about negligent fathers.
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:10
			May Allah protect us.
		
01:04:12 --> 01:04:14
			So my father is alive, even living in
		
01:04:14 --> 01:04:16
			the same city, but he abandoned me and
		
01:04:16 --> 01:04:17
			my mother when I was young.
		
01:04:17 --> 01:04:19
			He has nothing to do with me.
		
01:04:20 --> 01:04:20
			He does not want to see me.
		
01:04:21 --> 01:04:22
			What do I do when it's time to
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:22
			get married?
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:25
			This is like a devastating question that you
		
01:04:25 --> 01:04:27
			see more than you will imagine.
		
01:04:28 --> 01:04:29
			So I wrote like, I'm sorry to hear
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:32
			about, I kind of acknowledge this person's sort
		
01:04:32 --> 01:04:32
			of pain.
		
01:04:33 --> 01:04:35
			I put abandoning a child is haram.
		
01:04:37 --> 01:04:38
			I send an irresponsible.
		
01:04:39 --> 01:04:41
			In the Mudawwana, though the Mudawwana is an
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:44
			important book of practical law, we find the
		
01:04:44 --> 01:04:46
			scenario when a man has left his family,
		
01:04:47 --> 01:04:48
			and he lives in like Tangiers, and they
		
01:04:48 --> 01:04:49
			live in Medina.
		
01:04:49 --> 01:04:51
			So like let's say, this is before mass
		
01:04:51 --> 01:04:53
			communication, so let's think about this.
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:55
			There was no way for them to communicate.
		
01:04:56 --> 01:04:58
			They live in New York City, he lives
		
01:04:58 --> 01:04:59
			in LA.
		
01:05:01 --> 01:05:02
			600 years ago.
		
01:05:04 --> 01:05:06
			So the apparent meaning of the statement of
		
01:05:06 --> 01:05:08
			Marik and others in the Mudawwana is that
		
01:05:08 --> 01:05:10
			she can be married without his consent.
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:10
			Why?
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:13
			Because it's impossible to communicate with the person.
		
01:05:15 --> 01:05:17
			So I understand this to apply to your
		
01:05:17 --> 01:05:19
			situation, even though he lives in the same
		
01:05:19 --> 01:05:20
			city, because it's not really about distance.
		
01:05:21 --> 01:05:22
			It's about lack of communication.
		
01:05:23 --> 01:05:24
			Like the issue here is that they're not
		
01:05:24 --> 01:05:24
			communicating.
		
01:05:25 --> 01:05:27
			So if this individual lives in the same
		
01:05:27 --> 01:05:28
			city, and if efforts have been made to
		
01:05:28 --> 01:05:30
			try to ask him to participate in your
		
01:05:30 --> 01:05:32
			life, and he refuses, what is the difference
		
01:05:32 --> 01:05:34
			between him living near you or far?
		
01:05:35 --> 01:05:37
			May Allah protect us.
		
01:05:37 --> 01:05:40
			The issue here is his participation in your
		
01:05:40 --> 01:05:43
			life, and absence is defined by presence, not
		
01:05:43 --> 01:05:44
			distance.
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:47
			So in that situation, she can appoint her
		
01:05:47 --> 01:05:49
			own wali.
		
01:05:50 --> 01:05:51
			May Allah protect us.
		
01:05:53 --> 01:05:54
			The third question is also one that I
		
01:05:54 --> 01:05:55
			get quite a bit.
		
01:05:56 --> 01:05:58
			Specifically like in New York City and Boston,
		
01:05:58 --> 01:06:00
			I used to get this question quite a
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:00
			bit.
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:01
			My father's location is unknown.
		
01:06:01 --> 01:06:03
			I'm not sure if he's alive.
		
01:06:03 --> 01:06:04
			How will I get married?
		
01:06:05 --> 01:06:07
			This is for someone who...
		
01:06:07 --> 01:06:08
			Most women want to have a wali, in
		
01:06:08 --> 01:06:08
			my experience.
		
01:06:09 --> 01:06:12
			They feel like it's a safety net, if
		
01:06:12 --> 01:06:12
			you will.
		
01:06:14 --> 01:06:15
			If the father's life is unknown and his
		
01:06:15 --> 01:06:18
			location cannot be determined, the imam takes responsibility
		
01:06:18 --> 01:06:21
			for her marriage, imam that she knows, or
		
01:06:21 --> 01:06:22
			someone that she knows.
		
01:06:23 --> 01:06:24
			It doesn't have to be the imam.
		
01:06:24 --> 01:06:25
			It could be anyone.
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:27
			In the same way he oversees her financial
		
01:06:27 --> 01:06:34
			matters, the imam steps in, excuse me, not
		
01:06:34 --> 01:06:37
			financial matters, or the person that she knows
		
01:06:37 --> 01:06:39
			to play the role of her marriage wali.
		
01:06:39 --> 01:06:41
			I need to correct something.
		
01:06:42 --> 01:06:44
			This opinion also is mentioned by Marek and
		
01:06:44 --> 01:06:46
			others in the search that her protection and
		
01:06:46 --> 01:06:48
			marital needs are no less important than her
		
01:06:48 --> 01:06:49
			financial assets.
		
01:06:49 --> 01:06:52
			The imam would therefore oversee her marriage, or
		
01:06:52 --> 01:06:55
			the person that she trusts would step in
		
01:06:55 --> 01:06:55
			and help out.
		
01:06:57 --> 01:06:58
			This...
		
01:07:00 --> 01:07:01
			It's gone.
		
01:07:01 --> 01:07:02
			He's not there.
		
01:07:04 --> 01:07:06
			Al-Jarrahi is a great scholar.
		
01:07:06 --> 01:07:06
			He's a great judge.
		
01:07:06 --> 01:07:07
			He's a genius.
		
01:07:08 --> 01:07:09
			He says if the father's life is unknown
		
01:07:09 --> 01:07:11
			and his whereabouts are also unknown, such as
		
01:07:11 --> 01:07:14
			in the case of a missing person, then
		
01:07:14 --> 01:07:16
			the imam is responsible for her marriage, or
		
01:07:16 --> 01:07:17
			the person she trusts.
		
01:07:18 --> 01:07:19
			Why does he say an imam?
		
01:07:19 --> 01:07:20
			Because these people work in a court.
		
01:07:20 --> 01:07:22
			So Al-Jarrahi is a...
		
01:07:22 --> 01:07:23
			He's writing in a court.
		
01:07:23 --> 01:07:25
			So he can't undermine the government, right?
		
01:07:25 --> 01:07:27
			You have to keep in mind, he lived
		
01:07:27 --> 01:07:28
			in a time where there's a system for
		
01:07:28 --> 01:07:28
			this.
		
01:07:29 --> 01:07:30
			Now we don't have a system like that.
		
01:07:32 --> 01:07:34
			So he's saying like government...
		
01:07:34 --> 01:07:38
			Because he's appreciating the systems of governments, where
		
01:07:38 --> 01:07:40
			he was, of governance.
		
01:07:41 --> 01:07:43
			Then she can choose someone who's responsible for
		
01:07:43 --> 01:07:46
			her affairs just as in any situation.
		
01:07:47 --> 01:07:49
			Her marital situation should not be treated as
		
01:07:49 --> 01:07:50
			less important than anything else.
		
01:07:51 --> 01:07:53
			This is the apparent position, as I mentioned
		
01:07:53 --> 01:07:53
			earlier, of Marek.
		
01:07:53 --> 01:07:55
			Then I added three fatwas.
		
01:07:55 --> 01:07:56
			You can read them.
		
01:07:56 --> 01:07:56
			Number one is...
		
01:07:56 --> 01:07:57
			And this is the question we get a
		
01:07:57 --> 01:07:59
			lot, preventing daughters from marriage.
		
01:07:59 --> 01:08:01
			We said earlier it's a major sin, but
		
01:08:01 --> 01:08:03
			this question gets into details.
		
01:08:04 --> 01:08:06
			That Sheikh Qaradawi answer is detailed.
		
01:08:06 --> 01:08:09
			This scenario, that scenario, this scenario, that scenario,
		
01:08:09 --> 01:08:10
			this scenario, that scenario.
		
01:08:11 --> 01:08:13
			And he says, unfortunately, I receive this question
		
01:08:13 --> 01:08:13
			a lot.
		
01:08:14 --> 01:08:16
			And in this situation, actually, it's her mother.
		
01:08:16 --> 01:08:19
			Like her father has died, and maybe her
		
01:08:19 --> 01:08:20
			mother doesn't want to live alone.
		
01:08:21 --> 01:08:22
			Right?
		
01:08:22 --> 01:08:23
			So she's like, I keep trying to get
		
01:08:23 --> 01:08:23
			married.
		
01:08:24 --> 01:08:26
			And if Amr came, my mom would say,
		
01:08:26 --> 01:08:27
			we're waiting on Abu Bakr.
		
01:08:30 --> 01:08:31
			Nobody's going to get accepted by my mother.
		
01:08:32 --> 01:08:33
			So what do I do?
		
01:08:34 --> 01:08:37
			And so he writes an answer, a very
		
01:08:37 --> 01:08:40
			detailed answer that I translated and put here
		
01:08:40 --> 01:08:40
			for you.
		
01:08:43 --> 01:08:44
			There's two more.
		
01:08:45 --> 01:08:46
			Preventing a mother from marrying.
		
01:08:46 --> 01:08:48
			So oftentimes we find women who are married
		
01:08:48 --> 01:08:49
			and they're widows.
		
01:08:49 --> 01:08:52
			There's this like shame around them getting married
		
01:08:52 --> 01:08:53
			again.
		
01:08:54 --> 01:08:57
			And the absence of a woman's guardian regarding
		
01:08:57 --> 01:08:58
			her marriage again.
		
01:08:59 --> 01:09:01
			Now the male, the father, is the one
		
01:09:01 --> 01:09:03
			who's saying, I can't let you get married
		
01:09:03 --> 01:09:04
			to anybody.
		
01:09:04 --> 01:09:09
			So he writes this fatwa about the widow,
		
01:09:10 --> 01:09:12
			as well as a girl whose father is
		
01:09:12 --> 01:09:13
			not letting her get married.
		
01:09:14 --> 01:09:16
			And then finally the ruling on a woman
		
01:09:16 --> 01:09:17
			marrying without her family's consent.
		
01:09:18 --> 01:09:19
			It's a question that comes up a lot.
		
01:09:20 --> 01:09:22
			It's often asked as well as a young
		
01:09:22 --> 01:09:22
			man.
		
01:09:23 --> 01:09:25
			So he writes a rather long answer.
		
01:09:25 --> 01:09:27
			I will try to get the new QR
		
01:09:27 --> 01:09:30
			code somehow to Lauren so you can have
		
01:09:30 --> 01:09:31
			access to the text.
		
01:09:33 --> 01:09:34
			And the next time we'll start to talk
		
01:09:34 --> 01:09:35
			about witnesses.
		
01:09:35 --> 01:09:37
			If there's any questions, we can take them.
		
01:09:38 --> 01:09:39
			Thank you.
		
01:09:39 --> 01:09:39
			Yes, ma'am.
		
01:09:41 --> 01:09:43
			So I have a comment and then two
		
01:09:43 --> 01:09:43
			questions.
		
01:09:44 --> 01:09:46
			So first, my comment was just thinking about
		
01:09:46 --> 01:09:49
			how you said, you know, we were talking
		
01:09:49 --> 01:09:54
			about like long absences or like incarcerations.
		
01:09:54 --> 01:09:55
			One, I didn't think that, like you're talking
		
01:09:55 --> 01:09:58
			about, oh, this was like really relevant when
		
01:09:58 --> 01:09:59
			there's like the Silk Road and things like
		
01:09:59 --> 01:09:59
			that.
		
01:09:59 --> 01:10:02
			But then I'm thinking about like everything that
		
01:10:02 --> 01:10:04
			we're seeing coming out of Syria and the
		
01:10:04 --> 01:10:05
			people are like missing.
		
01:10:06 --> 01:10:08
			Like they don't know where their fathers were
		
01:10:08 --> 01:10:09
			for like 10, 15 years.
		
01:10:09 --> 01:10:12
			And so like, I just, yeah, it felt
		
01:10:12 --> 01:10:14
			like it was really relevant to that situation.
		
01:10:14 --> 01:10:16
			Whether you are thinking about it in terms
		
01:10:16 --> 01:10:18
			of the long-term absence or incarceration.
		
01:10:19 --> 01:10:21
			If you had children coming out of that
		
01:10:21 --> 01:10:23
			jail that never seen the sky, never seen
		
01:10:23 --> 01:10:24
			birds.
		
01:10:25 --> 01:10:27
			And so, I mean, how are they going
		
01:10:27 --> 01:10:29
			to find their...
		
01:10:29 --> 01:10:30
			And then in Palestine, you know, you have
		
01:10:30 --> 01:10:33
			now, they have a designation for a child.
		
01:10:33 --> 01:10:36
			It's a new designation in contemporary warfare that
		
01:10:36 --> 01:10:38
			is like, is unwalid.
		
01:10:40 --> 01:10:43
			Like there is no fifth, sixth, seventh day.
		
01:10:43 --> 01:10:44
			Like they killed out the whole family.
		
01:10:45 --> 01:10:46
			So you have a child that has zero
		
01:10:46 --> 01:10:48
			like lineage.
		
01:10:51 --> 01:10:52
			Now we've made dua for Syria, by the
		
01:10:52 --> 01:10:52
			way.
		
01:10:52 --> 01:10:57
			May Allah give them Fatah and Palestine and
		
01:10:57 --> 01:11:01
			Lebanon and the whole situation.
		
01:11:02 --> 01:11:02
			Yeah.
		
01:11:03 --> 01:11:05
			And so that's one thing, as you mentioned,
		
01:11:05 --> 01:11:08
			the problem is not necessarily classical Islamic law.
		
01:11:09 --> 01:11:11
			The problem is the imagination to take classical
		
01:11:11 --> 01:11:13
			Islamic law and apply it to the present,
		
01:11:13 --> 01:11:13
			right?
		
01:11:13 --> 01:11:14
			That's their job.
		
01:11:14 --> 01:11:16
			They can't answer questions for us.
		
01:11:16 --> 01:11:17
			Like they were dealing with their silk world.
		
01:11:18 --> 01:11:18
			Like they dealt with this.
		
01:11:18 --> 01:11:21
			We got to deal with Syria, Palestine, Bakwas
		
01:11:21 --> 01:11:22
			rulers all over the Muslim world.
		
01:11:23 --> 01:11:25
			Like that's us, right?
		
01:11:25 --> 01:11:27
			So we have to have that imagination in
		
01:11:27 --> 01:11:29
			the US incarceration.
		
01:11:30 --> 01:11:32
			There's a relationship between that, you know, living
		
01:11:32 --> 01:11:34
			in Tangiers, living in Medina when there's no
		
01:11:34 --> 01:11:34
			communication.
		
01:11:34 --> 01:11:36
			Well, we have people whose parents don't want
		
01:11:36 --> 01:11:37
			to be in their life.
		
01:11:39 --> 01:11:42
			So we have to have the imagination to
		
01:11:42 --> 01:11:44
			go back and think, how does that apply
		
01:11:44 --> 01:11:46
			to, or does it not?
		
01:11:46 --> 01:11:47
			We can be critical as well.
		
01:11:47 --> 01:11:49
			You had another question, sorry.
		
01:11:49 --> 01:11:50
			Yeah, I have two questions.
		
01:11:50 --> 01:11:52
			So the first one, and I apologize because
		
01:11:52 --> 01:11:54
			I don't want to cause like a, I
		
01:11:54 --> 01:11:56
			know it's making COVID too, but I think
		
01:11:56 --> 01:11:59
			like, you might have answered this earlier too,
		
01:11:59 --> 01:12:02
			but I don't think I've ever questioned this.
		
01:12:02 --> 01:12:04
			And I think I've just come to accept
		
01:12:04 --> 01:12:05
			it and have no issues with it.
		
01:12:06 --> 01:12:08
			But just out of curiosity, why is the
		
01:12:08 --> 01:12:11
			requirement for, like the second condition for a
		
01:12:11 --> 01:12:13
			guardian to be of male gender?
		
01:12:13 --> 01:12:15
			It's hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon
		
01:12:15 --> 01:12:18
			him, and the practice of those early Muslims.
		
01:12:20 --> 01:12:20
			Oh, okay.
		
01:12:21 --> 01:12:21
			And then the...
		
01:12:21 --> 01:12:24
			But that doesn't mean that the mother don't
		
01:12:24 --> 01:12:24
			have nothing to say.
		
01:12:26 --> 01:12:26
			Yeah, I mean, it's smart.
		
01:12:27 --> 01:12:28
			Like anyone here is married, we know.
		
01:12:29 --> 01:12:31
			Your smartness to get what you want is
		
01:12:31 --> 01:12:33
			smarter than to keep your spouse happy, right?
		
01:12:33 --> 01:12:35
			That's the secret of marriage, right?
		
01:12:35 --> 01:12:37
			You know, you have to be able to
		
01:12:37 --> 01:12:39
			have, like I said, one time I was
		
01:12:39 --> 01:12:41
			at that conference, you know, give, give, give.
		
01:12:41 --> 01:12:42
			I was like, I want to receive, bro.
		
01:12:43 --> 01:12:44
			Like, he's like, you know, just in a
		
01:12:44 --> 01:12:45
			marriage, you just got to give, you got
		
01:12:45 --> 01:12:46
			to give.
		
01:12:46 --> 01:12:47
			The Sheikh's like, you just got to give
		
01:12:47 --> 01:12:48
			and give and give and give.
		
01:12:48 --> 01:12:49
			I was like, I want to take, bro.
		
01:12:49 --> 01:12:52
			Like, I don't mind giving, but I want
		
01:12:52 --> 01:12:53
			to take something as well, right?
		
01:12:53 --> 01:12:58
			So I have very rarely seen any marriage
		
01:12:58 --> 01:13:01
			work where people are careening into like extreme
		
01:13:01 --> 01:13:06
			feminism or extreme dudism that don't work.
		
01:13:07 --> 01:13:07
			It's not sustainable.
		
01:13:08 --> 01:13:09
			It's not happy.
		
01:13:10 --> 01:13:11
			It's not viable.
		
01:13:12 --> 01:13:14
			It's not electric, right?
		
01:13:14 --> 01:13:16
			You want, like, you want your marriage to
		
01:13:16 --> 01:13:16
			be harmonious.
		
01:13:17 --> 01:13:20
			So even then, like ideally, I mean, the
		
01:13:20 --> 01:13:23
			mother of the child should be also involved
		
01:13:23 --> 01:13:24
			in this to a certain degree.
		
01:13:25 --> 01:13:26
			Yeah, go ahead.
		
01:13:26 --> 01:13:27
			Okay, I'm sorry.
		
01:13:27 --> 01:13:27
			Last question.
		
01:13:28 --> 01:13:28
			Did you say sorry?
		
01:13:28 --> 01:13:30
			$5 donation.
		
01:13:31 --> 01:13:34
			Senator D.C.? Bitcoin?
		
01:13:34 --> 01:13:36
			I'm just going to apologize for that.
		
01:13:38 --> 01:13:39
			Get rich.
		
01:13:39 --> 01:13:42
			The question I had was, it's kind of
		
01:13:42 --> 01:13:43
			related to what you're saying.
		
01:13:43 --> 01:13:45
			So I know in certain cultures, and this
		
01:13:45 --> 01:13:47
			has happened to certain friends of mine as
		
01:13:47 --> 01:13:50
			well, it seems that when the marriage proposal
		
01:13:50 --> 01:13:54
			comes, there's a discussion amongst the father and
		
01:13:54 --> 01:13:54
			like the uncles.
		
01:13:55 --> 01:13:57
			And this is like a cultural practice where
		
01:13:57 --> 01:14:00
			it seems like the discussion is happening amongst
		
01:14:00 --> 01:14:03
			the ones or the, you know.
		
01:14:03 --> 01:14:04
			Responsible parties.
		
01:14:04 --> 01:14:05
			Right.
		
01:14:05 --> 01:14:06
			And then shows into.
		
01:14:07 --> 01:14:10
			I kind of wonder where, like, if you've
		
01:14:10 --> 01:14:11
			seen the situation or if you kind of
		
01:14:11 --> 01:14:14
			just have commentary about where, like, the mothers
		
01:14:14 --> 01:14:16
			and the aunts kind of go in the
		
01:14:16 --> 01:14:17
			situation, like what happens?
		
01:14:17 --> 01:14:20
			Because sometimes it seems like they don't really
		
01:14:20 --> 01:14:22
			have that much say in it because it
		
01:14:22 --> 01:14:24
			becomes like a competition.
		
01:14:24 --> 01:14:27
			Like it's like the father and the uncles
		
01:14:27 --> 01:14:30
			have their own opinion and the mother feels
		
01:14:30 --> 01:14:31
			like she doesn't have a say.
		
01:14:31 --> 01:14:34
			But I'm obviously the mother and the father
		
01:14:34 --> 01:14:36
			to me.
		
01:14:37 --> 01:14:39
			They should be the ones in this discussion
		
01:14:39 --> 01:14:40
			more so.
		
01:14:41 --> 01:14:43
			Than the father and like an uncle.
		
01:14:43 --> 01:14:44
			And the girl or the boy.
		
01:14:44 --> 01:14:44
			Right.
		
01:14:45 --> 01:14:46
			Yeah, absolutely.
		
01:14:46 --> 01:14:48
			So I can't, I mean, it's not my
		
01:14:48 --> 01:14:48
			culture, right?
		
01:14:48 --> 01:14:51
			So I can't comment on like that culture.
		
01:14:51 --> 01:14:53
			I can just say like the job of
		
01:14:53 --> 01:14:54
			the Wali is to facilitate.
		
01:14:56 --> 01:14:59
			And the exception to the rule is to
		
01:14:59 --> 01:14:59
			prohibit.
		
01:15:00 --> 01:15:03
			But the ideal job of the Wali is
		
01:15:03 --> 01:15:05
			just to like make it easy for everybody.
		
01:15:06 --> 01:15:10
			Not to like make it like roadblocks.
		
01:15:11 --> 01:15:16
			And number two is, why would people be
		
01:15:16 --> 01:15:17
			involved who don't know this person?
		
01:15:18 --> 01:15:22
			Like the mother knows this person better than,
		
01:15:22 --> 01:15:23
			maybe even better than the father.
		
01:15:24 --> 01:15:26
			So wise person is not going to do
		
01:15:26 --> 01:15:26
			that.
		
01:15:27 --> 01:15:29
			And then also this is not a like
		
01:15:29 --> 01:15:30
			celebrity death match.
		
01:15:31 --> 01:15:32
			Sorry, Gen X people.
		
01:15:32 --> 01:15:36
			To like frigging, like who's the best Wali?
		
01:15:37 --> 01:15:40
			Like it should be centered on what this
		
01:15:40 --> 01:15:43
			person needs, who wants to get married.
		
01:15:45 --> 01:15:48
			And so yeah, this kind of stuff, I
		
01:15:48 --> 01:15:49
			don't know how to like, I mean, I
		
01:15:49 --> 01:15:51
			don't have the cultural mass to take on
		
01:15:51 --> 01:15:52
			another culture, right?
		
01:15:52 --> 01:15:53
			Like there's not a lot of like Oklahoma
		
01:15:53 --> 01:15:56
			white people that are going to like get
		
01:15:56 --> 01:15:56
			my back.
		
01:15:57 --> 01:16:00
			So I, this is tough, man.
		
01:16:00 --> 01:16:01
			And I think it's very important.
		
01:16:01 --> 01:16:03
			You choose like imams that do your marriages
		
01:16:03 --> 01:16:05
			that are going to be like in it
		
01:16:05 --> 01:16:05
			like that.
		
01:16:05 --> 01:16:07
			Like, okay, like, no, this is not acceptable.
		
01:16:07 --> 01:16:08
			Where's the mother?
		
01:16:09 --> 01:16:09
			Why is the mother not here?
		
01:16:10 --> 01:16:12
			You know, why are you guys, why are
		
01:16:12 --> 01:16:12
			you here?
		
01:16:13 --> 01:16:15
			Like, for example, I would ask the guy
		
01:16:15 --> 01:16:16
			like, so what's her favorite food?
		
01:16:17 --> 01:16:19
			Like the eighth cousin, uncle, daddy on the
		
01:16:19 --> 01:16:21
			27th side from the village.
		
01:16:21 --> 01:16:24
			I'd be like, hey man, so what's the
		
01:16:24 --> 01:16:24
			girl's favorite color?
		
01:16:25 --> 01:16:26
			I don't know.
		
01:16:26 --> 01:16:27
			Why are you here?
		
01:16:28 --> 01:16:30
			Now if we ask her mama, what's her
		
01:16:30 --> 01:16:31
			second favorite color?
		
01:16:32 --> 01:16:33
			What's her third favorite color?
		
01:16:33 --> 01:16:34
			What's her fourth favorite?
		
01:16:34 --> 01:16:35
			Mama would know.
		
01:16:36 --> 01:16:40
			And the goal here is not pageantry.
		
01:16:40 --> 01:16:41
			The goal is correct information.
		
01:16:42 --> 01:16:44
			Like we want to make sure this is
		
01:16:44 --> 01:16:44
			going to work.
		
01:16:46 --> 01:16:48
			So consequently we need the most informed people
		
01:16:48 --> 01:16:49
			involved in the process.
		
01:16:50 --> 01:16:52
			So I think it's important that like, I
		
01:16:52 --> 01:16:54
			mean, in this country to a certain degree,
		
01:16:55 --> 01:16:57
			I mean, you have some utility to choose
		
01:16:58 --> 01:17:00
			who you want to do your marriages or
		
01:17:00 --> 01:17:01
			who you want involved.
		
01:17:01 --> 01:17:03
			I think that's where you kind of have
		
01:17:03 --> 01:17:03
			to start.
		
01:17:04 --> 01:17:05
			You know?
		
01:17:05 --> 01:17:06
			Yeah.
		
01:17:06 --> 01:17:07
			Yes, sir.
		
01:17:07 --> 01:17:10
			I just shared false information, but the QR
		
01:17:10 --> 01:17:11
			code is working.
		
01:17:11 --> 01:17:13
			You just need to click skip advertisement.
		
01:17:14 --> 01:17:15
			So yeah, the QR, if you need this
		
01:17:15 --> 01:17:17
			book, I'll post it later tonight.
		
01:17:17 --> 01:17:18
			It just, yeah.
		
01:17:18 --> 01:17:19
			That's okay.
		
01:17:19 --> 01:17:20
			It happens.
		
01:17:20 --> 01:17:21
			Alhamdulillah.
		
01:17:21 --> 01:17:22
			Yes, ma'am.
		
01:17:38 --> 01:17:44
			So I talked about this.
		
01:17:45 --> 01:17:46
			It's online.
		
01:17:46 --> 01:17:51
			Two previous, two previous classes.
		
01:17:52 --> 01:17:55
			Like you have to, it's formed to advertise
		
01:17:55 --> 01:17:58
			the marriage as best you can.
		
01:17:58 --> 01:18:00
			Like you're not like buying like boost and
		
01:18:00 --> 01:18:01
			stuff on social media.
		
01:18:01 --> 01:18:03
			I'm saying like, so yeah, I got married.
		
01:18:04 --> 01:18:04
			Alhamdulillah.
		
01:18:04 --> 01:18:06
			You know, people know, enough people know that
		
01:18:06 --> 01:18:09
			you're not suspected of doing something wrong.
		
01:18:10 --> 01:18:12
			And then if you have relatives that are
		
01:18:12 --> 01:18:14
			ratchet, no, they don't even know.
		
01:18:14 --> 01:18:16
			I mean, if there's people, I know they're
		
01:18:16 --> 01:18:17
			going to hurt me.
		
01:18:17 --> 01:18:19
			They don't need to know my business.
		
01:18:19 --> 01:18:20
			That's my life, right?
		
01:18:21 --> 01:18:23
			So people that I don't trust, people that
		
01:18:23 --> 01:18:26
			I question their intentions, people that I question,
		
01:18:26 --> 01:18:30
			you know, no, I don't have any obligation
		
01:18:30 --> 01:18:32
			to tell them because I'm worried about them
		
01:18:32 --> 01:18:33
			legitimately hurting me.
		
01:18:34 --> 01:18:35
			Yes, ma'am.
		
01:18:36 --> 01:18:40
			So my question is not necessarily to discuss
		
01:18:40 --> 01:18:42
			in this class, but I was talking to
		
01:18:42 --> 01:18:44
			a friend the other day and he echoed
		
01:18:44 --> 01:18:47
			two things that we weren't sure about because
		
01:18:47 --> 01:18:51
			the kinds conflicted about your styles being written
		
01:18:51 --> 01:18:53
			for you or if it's the choice that
		
01:18:53 --> 01:18:53
			you did commit.
		
01:18:55 --> 01:18:58
			So she might have built her one time
		
01:18:58 --> 01:19:00
			that was one of our...
		
01:19:00 --> 01:19:01
			Right, the shahs is goyas, we don't get
		
01:19:01 --> 01:19:02
			the option.
		
01:19:02 --> 01:19:04
			And then other kinds that that's one of
		
01:19:04 --> 01:19:07
			the toy chits where Gravatt was addicted, we're
		
01:19:07 --> 01:19:08
			right, that's what we did to pay.
		
01:19:09 --> 01:19:11
			Is there like, we don't have any sources.
		
01:19:11 --> 01:19:12
			It's just in people had told us.
		
01:19:12 --> 01:19:13
			And so we were confused.
		
01:19:16 --> 01:19:18
			The only thing that we get is what
		
01:19:18 --> 01:19:19
			Allah has decreed for us.
		
01:19:20 --> 01:19:22
			Like there's nothing we can choose that is
		
01:19:22 --> 01:19:24
			going to go against whatever Allah has chosen
		
01:19:24 --> 01:19:24
			for us.
		
01:19:27 --> 01:19:28
			No, no, thank you for asking.
		
01:19:28 --> 01:19:30
			I really appreciate you guys asking a lot
		
01:19:30 --> 01:19:31
			of meaningful questions.
		
01:19:31 --> 01:19:32
			It's a good sign.
		
01:19:32 --> 01:19:32
			Alhamdulillah.
		
01:19:32 --> 01:19:34
			I know sometimes it may frustrate us like
		
01:19:34 --> 01:19:36
			someone's like, people stop asking questions we want
		
01:19:36 --> 01:19:37
			to get through.
		
01:19:37 --> 01:19:39
			But like sometimes you learn more from the
		
01:19:39 --> 01:19:41
			questions than you learn from, you know what
		
01:19:41 --> 01:19:43
			I mean, the actual class, which is a
		
01:19:43 --> 01:19:44
			good thing.
		
01:19:44 --> 01:19:45
			That means people are involved.
		
01:19:45 --> 01:19:47
			Next time we'll talk about witnesses and then
		
01:19:47 --> 01:19:50
			we'll finish like the, the conditions for the
		
01:19:50 --> 01:19:51
			nikah.
		
01:19:51 --> 01:19:55
			And then we'll get into mahr.
		
01:19:57 --> 01:19:58
			Right, and go through some of the discussions
		
01:19:58 --> 01:19:59
			around mahr.
		
01:19:59 --> 01:20:00
			And then we'll get into some of the
		
01:20:00 --> 01:20:02
			mutual, I don't like the word rights.
		
01:20:02 --> 01:20:03
			It's very modern.
		
01:20:04 --> 01:20:07
			I like responsibilities as a word, like responsibilities
		
01:20:07 --> 01:20:07
			in marriage.
		
01:20:08 --> 01:20:10
			And then we'll talk about marriage life.
		
01:20:11 --> 01:20:13
			And then we'll talk about divorce.
		
01:20:14 --> 01:20:15
			And then we'll be done.
		
01:20:16 --> 01:20:17
			In like 20 weeks.
		
01:20:20 --> 01:20:22
			I told you it's like, it's a class.
		
01:20:22 --> 01:20:23
			Like people thought I was playing.
		
01:20:26 --> 01:20:27
			No, I'm not joking.
		
01:20:28 --> 01:20:29
			It was 60 weeks originally.
		
01:20:29 --> 01:20:31
			I dumped it down.
		
01:20:34 --> 01:20:38
			No, no, I said it's going to be
		
01:20:38 --> 01:20:39
			long and they thought I was joking.
		
01:20:40 --> 01:20:40
			They thought it was all just gonna be
		
01:20:40 --> 01:20:41
			in eight weeks.
		
01:20:42 --> 01:20:43
			And I was like, but this is marriage.
		
01:20:44 --> 01:20:46
			And as you're learning, probably in the class,
		
01:20:46 --> 01:20:47
			I'm like, oh, I need to know.
		
01:20:47 --> 01:20:48
			Oh, I'm glad I know that.
		
01:20:48 --> 01:20:49
			Oh, I'm glad I heard that.
		
01:20:49 --> 01:20:50
			Oh, man.
		
01:20:50 --> 01:20:53
			Right, so you and not, you know, everything
		
01:20:53 --> 01:20:53
			I'm saying is not right.
		
01:20:54 --> 01:20:55
			I want to make mistakes, but at least
		
01:20:55 --> 01:20:56
			now you have a starting point.
		
01:20:56 --> 01:20:58
			You can research, you can go, you can
		
01:20:58 --> 01:21:00
			ask questions, you can push in.
		
01:21:00 --> 01:21:01
			If you're getting a marriage contract done, some
		
01:21:01 --> 01:21:02
			of the stuff you can go back and
		
01:21:02 --> 01:21:04
			say, no, no.
		
01:21:04 --> 01:21:05
			What about this?
		
01:21:06 --> 01:21:07
			Like, what about this?
		
01:21:07 --> 01:21:12
			And listen, always be careful of any suitor,
		
01:21:12 --> 01:21:14
			male or female, who's not taking it seriously.
		
01:21:14 --> 01:21:15
			Like, why do you care about this?
		
01:21:16 --> 01:21:16
			What do you mean?
		
01:21:16 --> 01:21:17
			It's my life.
		
01:21:17 --> 01:21:19
			This is your life, right?
		
01:21:19 --> 01:21:20
			This is the future, right?
		
01:21:20 --> 01:21:21
			What does this mean?
		
01:21:21 --> 01:21:22
			How life will look.
		
01:21:23 --> 01:21:25
			So, yeah, I was serious.
		
01:21:25 --> 01:21:27
			They asked me, I said 60 weeks and
		
01:21:27 --> 01:21:28
			they thought I was joking.
		
01:21:29 --> 01:21:30
			And then they said eight weeks.
		
01:21:30 --> 01:21:32
			And then I said, OK, we'll do 20.
		
01:21:33 --> 01:21:34
			It's better than 60.
		
01:21:34 --> 01:21:35
			Yes, ma'am.
		
01:21:35 --> 01:21:36
			From now, 20.
		
01:21:36 --> 01:21:37
			20 classes or 20?
		
01:21:37 --> 01:21:39
			20, yeah, 20 sessions, yeah.
		
01:21:39 --> 01:21:40
			20 more hours.
		
01:21:41 --> 01:21:42
			Yes, ma'am.
		
01:21:42 --> 01:21:44
			In addition to all the, like, serious stuff
		
01:21:44 --> 01:21:48
			you got contracts, are you allowed to have
		
01:21:48 --> 01:21:49
			jokes?
		
01:21:49 --> 01:21:50
			Like, funny?
		
01:21:50 --> 01:21:53
			I have a friend who, in her contract
		
01:21:53 --> 01:21:56
			put that her husband would have last say
		
01:21:56 --> 01:21:58
			on all watermelon-flavored candies for their maritime
		
01:21:58 --> 01:21:59
			marriage.
		
01:22:00 --> 01:22:02
			Is that, like, allowed or not?
		
01:22:04 --> 01:22:06
			So the problem is he put in the
		
01:22:06 --> 01:22:07
			contract, it's in the contract.
		
01:22:08 --> 01:22:09
			You have to be a little bit careful
		
01:22:09 --> 01:22:11
			with, actually, there's a section, I skipped it
		
01:22:11 --> 01:22:13
			last time, on jokes in the contract.
		
01:22:13 --> 01:22:15
			Now I wish I had read it.
		
01:22:16 --> 01:22:17
			I was like, it's not going to come
		
01:22:17 --> 01:22:17
			up.
		
01:22:19 --> 01:22:20
			But now it did, right?
		
01:22:21 --> 01:22:22
			You know, I think I have it.
		
01:22:22 --> 01:22:23
			Hold on.
		
01:22:24 --> 01:22:26
			I think I actually have the section on.
		
01:22:27 --> 01:22:28
			Because some parts, I look at you guys,
		
01:22:28 --> 01:22:29
			I'm like, man, they're tired, man.
		
01:22:29 --> 01:22:30
			I want to read this.
		
01:22:30 --> 01:22:31
			This is hard.
		
01:22:31 --> 01:22:33
			Or, like, there's a lot of legalese to
		
01:22:33 --> 01:22:35
			this or there's some debates back and forth.
		
01:22:35 --> 01:22:37
			But I think I actually have it here,
		
01:22:38 --> 01:22:38
			man.
		
01:22:39 --> 01:22:40
			Jokes in the contract.
		
01:22:42 --> 01:22:43
			Watermelon, what was it?
		
01:22:45 --> 01:22:46
			Did he sign that contract?
		
01:22:52 --> 01:22:54
			I mean, he's kind of cool for him,
		
01:22:54 --> 01:22:55
			right?
		
01:23:01 --> 01:23:04
			The validity of a marriage contract in jest,
		
01:23:04 --> 01:23:08
			section 4.6. And if you notice, I
		
01:23:08 --> 01:23:09
			put it in sections so it's easier for
		
01:23:09 --> 01:23:10
			you to go back.
		
01:23:11 --> 01:23:12
			And even in the index I'll put, or
		
01:23:12 --> 01:23:14
			in the footnotes, like, go here.
		
01:23:14 --> 01:23:15
			We talked about this already.
		
01:23:15 --> 01:23:16
			Go here.
		
01:23:16 --> 01:23:17
			So you don't have to be like, oh
		
01:23:17 --> 01:23:18
			my God.
		
01:23:18 --> 01:23:20
			If a marriage contract is conducted in jest,
		
01:23:22 --> 01:23:23
			it is valid.
		
01:23:25 --> 01:23:28
			As the Prophet ﷺ said, three matters are
		
01:23:28 --> 01:23:30
			serious whether they are in jest, divorce, marriage,
		
01:23:30 --> 01:23:32
			and taking back a spouse after divorce.
		
01:23:33 --> 01:23:35
			So we can say, if that's the case
		
01:23:35 --> 01:23:37
			with the whole sum total of the marriage,
		
01:23:37 --> 01:23:41
			that within the contract, المسلمون على شروطه.
		
01:23:41 --> 01:23:45
			So the same applies to the contract, such
		
01:23:45 --> 01:23:47
			as when a woman marries a man and
		
01:23:47 --> 01:23:48
			she says, you will have the final decision
		
01:23:49 --> 01:23:50
			on, on...
		
01:23:50 --> 01:23:51
			I wrote this?
		
01:23:51 --> 01:23:52
			Watermelon?
		
01:23:52 --> 01:23:55
			Man, subhanAllah.
		
01:23:56 --> 01:23:57
			I don't want to be like the shaytanic
		
01:23:57 --> 01:23:59
			regime, man, what's going on, bro?
		
01:23:59 --> 01:24:00
			I think that means it's time to end
		
01:24:00 --> 01:24:00
			class?
		
01:24:03 --> 01:24:03
			والسلام عليكم.
		
01:24:04 --> 01:24:05
			السلام عليكم.
		
01:24:05 --> 01:24:06
			رحمة الله.