Sikander Hashmi – Save Yourself & Your Loved Ones KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
Respected elders, dear brothers and sisters, my young
friends,
It is
a natural
instinct of ours that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
has put into us
to want to protect our loved ones, to
protect those who are close to us, to
ensure that they are not harmed in any
way. So if there is a danger,
for example, if we have a young child
and they are walking towards
deep water, we panic.
If they are walking towards
a swimming pool and the gate is open,
we panic,
and we make sure that we pull them
back. If there is a fire,
maybe it's a campfire, it's a hot barbecue,
or there is a fire somewhere else. SubhanAllah,
many forest fires already
make it easy and have mercy upon us.
So if there's a fire somewhere
and a loved one, a child, or someone
we care for is inadvertently
walking into it,
are we going to let them do that?
No. We will stop them. We will warn
them. We will try to protect them because
we don't want
any harm to come to them. And similarly,
my brothers and sisters, is the case
for the fire of the hereafter.
For the believer, the fire of the hereafter
is more serious,
is more dangerous,
is more harmful
than any fire of this world.
So while we go to any length to
protect our loved ones,
sometimes you see, may Allah protect us all.
There's a fire in a house, in a
building. You know, recently, we had 2 fires
and actually a young child
passed away. Muslim child, you know, in an
apartment fire.
Donald Street. So sometimes we find a home
is on fire and
it's as if
the parents'
heart is on fire if they know that
their loved one is inside, if their child
is inside. And they will run inside. They
will do anything. They will burn themselves
to try to go and protect their loved
ones. So how can it not be for
the fire of *, Which is more serious
and more painful
and more long lasting and more harmful than
any other pain than any other fire of
this world. And in fact, this is a
command from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. In Surah
Tareem, a number 6 Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
addresses us
and he says, All believers, oh you who
believe, protect yourselves. So first, you start from
yourselves. Protect yourself first
and also protect your loved ones, your families
from a fire. What kind of fire Allah
gives
a vivid,
scary, horrific description of it.
A fire whose fuel
is people and stones.
And the the fire is overseen
by formidable
and severe angels, not just any ordinary
angels,
but severe
formidable angels
who never disobey whatever Allah
orders, always doing as commanded. So Allah
you know, gives us a very vivid
command, a very vivid reminder that we must
think beyond
the success and pleasures of this life. Our
vision,
our radar as leaders of our families, as
adults in our families,
must pick up things
that are a danger from the hereafter
as well. So when we are making our
decisions many times,
you know, we take into consideration what is
best for our families, for ourselves, for our
careers, for, you know, the well-being of the
family, for the safety of the family. So
the hereafter
should not be something which is an afterthought,
but rather it should factor in
in a very real way in the decisions
that we make. The mufassiru and the commentators
of the Quran, they mentioned that Allah
your your, families. So this includes
your wife. It includes
your children. And also includes those under one's
authority,
like for example, servants or workers, meaning the
dependents, the ones who are close to you
and who are considered to be part of
your family. The prophet has
also instructed us,
Rather more than an instruction,
this is a warning. The Prophet salallahu alaihi
wasallam warning us that every one of you
is a shepherd.
Every one of
you. Every single one of you is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. And
then the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam goes
on starting with the imam with the leader
of the people. The leader of the people
is a guardian and is responsible for his
subjects. You notice something here that leadership,
authority
comes with accountability.
This is from the, the the
the the the guide the rules of Allah
That the more authority a person has, then
the more accountability they're gonna have as well.
And this is why we find in the
Islamic tradition,
it is not something
encouraged that a person seeks power and seeks
authority.
Yes. It's a necessity,
but it is not something that should be
desired because it also means if you desire
leadership and authority that you are also then
desiring accountability in front of Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala. Greater accountability in front of Allah Subhanahu
wa ta'ala. So this is, you know, many
ideas, many, you know,
teachings we find, and there's, you know, contradictions
in terms of what we find in society.
And we understand that the root cause of
that is a completely different paradigm at how
we look at these things. When we look
at it from the lens of Allah and
his messenger,
it's completely different that we find through other
ideologies. Because the others will say, no. You
know, you should seek power. You should seek
authority. You should have equality.
Why not? You know, you should have. You
should have. You should go for it. You
should aim for it, strive for it. You
know, do, you know, the sky is the
limit and all these different slogans.
But from the lens of Allah and his
messenger
be fined not so quick,
not so fast,
not so eager. Why? Because
there's greater accountability. Who wants greater accountability in
front of Allah
Would you rather be accountable for yourself and
your 5 or 6 family members? Would you
be account rather be accountable for them and
also a 1000 people and also a 1000000
people?
I'm gonna take I'd rather take the easy
way out. You know? I'm here, and this
isn't something which is a burden upon me.
But I would much rather, you know, if
it is possible and if the opportunity is
there, I'd much rather take the easy route
and not have accountability for others upon my
shoulder.
And this is the way. Of course, there's
a balance, right, out of necessity because if
people don't step forward, then what's gonna happen?
Right? If there's no leaders, if there's no
leadership, we're gonna have a problem as well.
Right? And we're seeing that, you know, in
the ummah today, unfortunately.
So there is a balance there, but it's
not something that we crave. It's not something
that we desire. It's not something that we
aspire for. Oh, one day, I want to
become, you know, such and such leader, and
I want to be like this, and I
want to say this in Philippines. No. That's
not from
the way of Allah and his messenger
So every one of you is a shepherd
and is responsible for his flock. The imam,
the leader of the people, is a guardian,
is responsible for his subjects. A man is
the guardian of his family, and he is
responsible
for them. A woman is the guardian of
her husband's home and his children, and she
is responsible for them. The servant is a
guardian of the property of his master, and
he is responsible for it. No doubt.
So no doubt every one of you is
a shepherd and is responsible for his flock,
not just responsible. Maybe it's not capturing the
right meaning, but
is accountable
for his flock.
So each one is responsible
and accountable
for his flock. May Allah
make it easy for us.
So for those who are under our care,
my brothers and sisters,
we are commanded to ensure
that
the care
includes protection
from the fire of *. Now how is
this to happen? You see, we we get
a lot of principles,
and some may say that a lot of
theory. But in reality, how is it supposed
to happen? How are you supposed to protect
your loved ones? How am I supposed to
protect my loved ones from and myself from
the fire of *? So
one of the commentators quote, Fatah
saying that he commands, meaning this person, he
commands
obedience to Allah
to not disobey Allah. He orders his family
to obey Allah's orders and helps them, facilitates
acting upon the commands of Allah
When one sees disobedience,
He stops them and forbids them from doing
it. And similar was said by others as
well, dahaq and muqatil,
that it is an obligation for the Muslim
to teach his near family members, his male
and female servants what Allah has made obligatory
for them and what Allah has forbidden for
them. So we learned that there is first
the element of education
of education. And we say this often when
we're talking about parenting as well, right, or
any type of leadership that you cannot expect
results if you don't define the criteria. You
cannot expect someone to fulfill expectations if you
don't define what the expectations are. You know?
If you don't tell someone something, what the
rules are, you don't expect them you don't
tell them what you expect.
And then you say, you disappointed me. Well,
you never defined your expectations. You have to
first make clear. What are the expectations? What
are the guidelines? So education first.
Education first, not just, you know, for just
for our our benefit as leaders, but rather
guidance of Allah and his messenger
in a good way. Now another angle that
plugs into this, and I alluded to this
just a few moments ago, is making the
right decisions that are more conducive
for a good akhirah. Right? So one is,
okay. You see something wrong, you tell them,
no. Don't do this. Do this. Don't do
that. Do this. Don't do that. Right? So
educating and giving commands, giving orders. But
the other consideration again is
the decisions that we make which are going
to have an effect on the of our
loved ones.
The decisions I make that are potentially going
to impact the of my children, my family.
So for example, where to live?
Where do you choose to live?
Right? Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us that,
The land of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is
wide. So
where do you choose to live? Yes. You
may have limited options. I understand. Not everyone
can just pick up and pack up and
go anywhere wherever they wanna go. You know,
but it is a consideration.
Where do you choose to live? The country,
the neighborhood,
you know, the the the the the city.
Right? So there's there's there's many considerations there.
Right? Decisions with regards to schooling, you know,
of our children, especially when they're young, especially
in their formative years when they are very
impressionable.
So choices about schooling. Right? The environment and
the norms within the home.
Right? The culture that we establish within our
homes, of what's acceptable and what's not, and
how we treat one another, and how we
talk to one another.
You know, the environment within the home. We
can't change the environment outside,
but we can change the environment in our
homes at least.
Right? The type of social circle that we
choose, the type of people that we hang
out with, the families that we meet, the
type of people that we then get our
children to meet. Right? These are all considerations
and questions and decisions that can have an
impact
on the
of our family members. So we are to
act in the best interest of our families,
not only in a worldly sense, but also
for the hereafter as well. And to be
honest, as a side note my brothers and
sisters,
over time I've realized that a major factor
You could say it starts from the spouse
that you choose,
the spouse that you choose
to be the mother, the father of your
children.
That is an important starting point. It's a
major factor. But of course, it's not always
possible. Right? Maybe you were already married and
then you realized that, okay, this was important.
You know? You were not as conscious maybe
in practicing when you got married, and now
you realize, okay, this is a serious matter.
So the question is, what do you do
if they don't respond positively?
What do you do if they don't respond
positively? In an ideal world, they respect you
with their heart, they love you. And when
you advise them in a nice way, they
listen, right? Maybe you have to discipline a
little bit, especially when it comes to children.
But at the end of the day, they
know that you love them and that you
care for them and you are close to
them and they listen.
Okay? Especially when they're young perhaps.
Okay? But what if that doesn't happen? What
if your family members don't respond positively?
So we get some tips
from the Quran and the Sunnah. So for
example, the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, order
the children
to offer salah when they reach the age
of 7.
And when they reach the age of 10
and if they're not praying, then discipline them.
Right? Discipline them so that they start praying.
And similarly,
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the Quran tells
us how, you know, the husband can deal
with the ill conduct of the wife, if
that is something that is happening. And what
we find about this and sisters is gradual
escalation.
Gradual escalation, so not 0 to a100.
Yes?
Not shoot 0 to a100. Okay? People are
driving Teslas these days. You know, their pickup
is very fast, 0 to a100. Was it
2.5 seconds or something? Right? Okay. Don't be
like that, right, in escalation.
It's a gradual approach. You're gradually, step by
step.
Don't shoot. Jump from 0 to 100. K?
100 should be the last, last resort. You
should never even get to 100. Okay? I'm
not talking about driving. I'm talking about your
family. K? You should not escalate to 100
ideally. K? You want to go gradually.
So gradual escalation. And what is the objective?
The objective
is correcting, not punishing.
The objective is to get the good result.
The objective is not to show anger and
to
punish
like a jail sentence, you know, like a
punishment from a court. That's not the objective.
The objective is rectification
and correction.
And if your escalation is making it worse,
then don't do it. It's not working.
It's having the opposite effect.
You want them to get closer to Allah
and they're going further from Allah
You want them to follow the sunnah of
the Prophet
and they're starting to do the opposite when
you escalate.
So do you continue doing that?
Oh, Oh, it's counterproductive.
Yes. So all of this is with the
objective
of trying to rectify and reach the good
conclusion. And if the good conclusion is not
being reached, then don't keep doing it because
it's gonna make matters worse. And it's similar
to what we discussed last week. The objective
is not is to get positive change, not
just to respond.
The objective ultimately is to get positive change,
not just to respond, just for the sake
of responding.
Right? And what is more powerful or most
powerful?
Positivity,
right? Positive encouragement,
gentleness. Gentleness not to spoil,
not gentleness to the point of spoiling so
that, you know, our family members or children,
they become spoiled, they become,
They end up having bad character and they
learn bad habits. That's not the point.
Right? Not to spoil, but to encourage good.
Right? The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, many
teachings, of course, through his entire life to
the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam, but even in commands
to Aisha Oh, Aisha, you must be gentle.
Beware of harsh
and profane words. Be beware of harshness and
profanity.
Right? That is not conducive
to getting a positive result.
As the prophet as Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
tells us, Suratul Nahl,
When he's talking about doing dawah to others,
but at the end of the day, if
your family members are not listening to you
and respecting the command of Allah and His
Messenger sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, then you have
to do dawah to them.
You have to do dawah to them so
that they start following way, they start adopting
it. Allah says invite to the way of
your Lord with wisdom, with kind advice.
And if you need to debate and argue,
only do it in the best manner. Otherwise,
you're gonna defeat the objective you're you're trying
to reach. It's not gonna happen.
Right? So with Hikma
And what is what is Hikma? Right? Essentially,
the way I see it is to take
into consideration the psychology.
Take into consideration
psychology of the person, the people that you
are dealing with.
Speak and deal with them according to their
level
in order to achieve
the objective.
Right? So how do you do this? I'm
gonna tell you the secret. So you identify
the behavior that you want ideally.
What is the behavior that you want? Whatever
it is the behavior that you want. Yeah.
I want my children to offer salah. I
don't want them to take off with bad
foods. No. Whatever it is. Okay? Identify
the behavior that you want ideally,
and then explore,
see, strategize
what approach from you is most likely to
lead to that.
What is it that you can say and
do that will create the conditions
that they will end up
becoming more likely to do what you want
them to do.
Harshness will likely be counterproductive and harmful. That
is what I have seen. That's what I've
seen. The people who have enforced,
who have been harsh, maybe, maybe their family
members have started doing whatever
they were asking for out of fear, but
not with their heart.
And when they are not there, either when
the children are outside
on the bus at school,
when the parents or the father or the
mother is not there, they are different,
they behave differently.
So the fear is of the father and
the mother, not of Allah
Is this what you want? Is this what
we want to teach our children? Once they
are married, they
grow up, they do their own thing. When
we're no longer around,
they're not following, they were just doing it
because they were afraid of us. Right? So
this is not the prophetic way my brothers
and sisters.
So harshness will likely be counterproductive and harmful,
and there is no excuse
for violence because it is not possible to
compel by physical force.
You cannot force someone,
compel them through physical force to do what
you want them to do. Again, maybe they'll
just do it briefly when you're around out
of fear for you, but otherwise, it's not
going to help in the long run.
And it will create more resentment and hatred
for you, and for the truth. If you're
upon the truth and you're delivering it in
a harsh way, they will not only hate
you but they will also hate the truth
that you came with.
Now you tell me how is that productive?
How is this gonna help bring them closer
to Allah
Right? It's totally counterproductive.
Because maybe they would have been open to
receiving the truth
because of how you dealt with it and
how they they started having resentment towards you.
Now they're gonna
turn away from the truth as well.
How does that help?
Doesn't help in any way. Right? So advise
in a manner that is most likely to
work long term and that appeals to the
heart, and try to create conditions that facilitate
good choices. It's not always easy, I understand.
And sometimes nothing will work.
Sometimes nothing will work. It'll be a test
from Allah
We have the examples of from the prophets.
Sayyidina
Nuh
The son
and the wife.
The son and the wife, both.
And the wife of Sayna Lut Alaihi Wasallam.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala gives these examples
in the Quran.
It breaks my heart when I read the
story of Prophet Nuh Alaihi Wasallam.
He's on the ship,
the water is rising,
and he's crying, he's calling to his son.
He can't force him, he's crying, he's calling
him with nice words, My son, my dear
son,
come on board.
I see what's happening. And the son is
defiant, he said, No, don't worry dad, I'll
take care of it. Like many young people
say.
He's not able to compel him, and it
happens.
Right? May Allah protect us, but sometimes it
will happen.
Right? In that case, we ultimately
accept
to each their own. And each one will
stand in front of Allah
alone, will have to answer.
Every one of them will be too engaged
in his own affairs to care for others.
Nobody's gonna care for others on the day
of judgment. Everyone will have to stand alone
in front of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
And so that is we try our best.
Right? But that is the ultimate reality, and
we cannot. If someone wants to jump into
the fire, we cannot stop them, we cannot
force them. How are you gonna stop them
if somebody runs away from you? Right? So
our job is to try our best in
the best possible way, and leave for Allah
the rest.
Job is to try our best in the
best possible way and then leave for Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala the rest. We ask Allah,
azzawal, to protect us, our families, our future
generations from all types of evil and shameful
deeds, from all types of misguidance and disbelief.
May Allah guide us and our loved ones
towards the truth and that which is best.
May Allah
make us the best of guides in our
homes and in our communities.