Sikander Hashmi – Raising Children & Youth for the Akhirah KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
Respected elders,
dear brothers and sisters, my young friends,
As we gather here today,
my brothers and sisters,
most homes are
empty of children. Most of our children, except
for the ones who are here, are in
schools at this moment.
Each day,
most children
are spending
from anywhere from 1 third to a quarter
of their day at school.
Now it's been over a month since school
began,
so
maybe it's a good time to take a
step back
as now, you know, we've gotten used to
the routines and the schedules.
It's a good time to take a step
back
and reflect upon
our children, our youth, and their future.
This issue is relevant,
to all people actually, but especially to us
as Muslims
because our children are collectively the future of
this Umma.
Right? When we think about
the state of the Umma, when we think
about the state of Islam, when we think
about,
how,
you know, our teachings that have been passed
down to us will carry forward,
it's all depends on our children.
Right? So our children are essentially the future
of the ummah. So whether you have children
or not or whether, you know, you're a
parent, you're a grandparent,
or you have no children in the picture
yet,
this is important for all of us to
know. For whenever the time comes when we
are
in a situation where we have children in
our lives
and also with regards to our interactions with
other Muslim children.
Now all parents,
grandparents
want
their children to be successful.
Everyone agrees. If we did a poll and
we said, okay, who wants their child grandchild
to be successful?
I am almost certain that 100% of people
will say that, yes, we want
our child our children and our grandchildren to
be successful.
But the question is, what does that success
look like?
How do we define that success? And what
is like, when we think of our children
being successful,
what do we envision?
What do we see?
What do we imagine?
So most people or many people will say
that we want our children to be happy,
of course. We want them to have a
stable life,
a good income.
Perhaps we have a specific
profession in mind or a specific role for
them. We want them to have a happy
marriage. We want them to own a home,
which are all, you know, very,
legitimate,
desires,
right, for our children.
So all of these things are great.
But
when we say these things, we are limiting
our
scope of success for our children
to this world,
which is part of the equation, but it's
not the full equation.
The believing parents' vision
needs to go beyond this world.
So what do you want to see
for your child,
for your grandchildren in the hereafter?
How do you want to see them on
the day of judgment?
Where do you want their ultimate abode to
be?
And the greatest measure of success is what
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala tells us. In Surat
Ali Imran,
when Allah
says,
Every soul shall taste death.
And you will only receive your full reward
on the day of on the day of
judgement.
Whoever is spared from the nar, from the
fire, and is admitted into Jannah, is admitted
into paradise
will indeed
triumph.
Whereas the life of this world is no
more than a delusion of enjoyment. It is
temporary.
It is something which is not everlasting.
It is here. It is now, and we
are in it, but we are not going
to be here forever, and it is not
going to last forever. So this
is when ultimate success
will become apparent.
That is the day and that is the
time when we will truly know and recognize
who really was successful
and who was not.
So, therefore,
our vision, my brothers and sisters, must extend
beyond the next 70 or so years to
the hereafter.
That's not to say that the 70 years
should not be part of the vision. Of
course,
it has to be part of the vision.
But the vision doesn't end
at 50, 60, 70 years. The vision extends
into the hereafter.
And our choices then
must reflect that vision.
Right? Choices that can help set up our
children
for a decent,
respectable life in this world
and the best life in the hereafter
and not the other way around.
Why do I say that?
Because a lot of times,
the stark truth reality is is that our
choices
are prioritizing
the temporary
over the permanent.
What's happening?
Our choices are prioritizing
the temporary
over the permanent.
That's not to say
that we should not be concerned about the
temporary,
right, which is the life of this world.
Of course, we should be. Right? There's no
discussion there. I'm not suggesting that we should
not.
But we have to get our priorities straight,
and we have to get our priorities right.
That what is everlasting
is definitely,
is certainly
more important and more deserving of being a
priority
than that which is temporary.
And we all understand this
when we think about it logically.
We should be making dua for this, of
course,
and make it a priority practically because
you know what?
Our choices,
our decisions,
send
implicit messages
about our priorities that our children are able
to pick up.
The choices that we make,
our children are able to read that.
Even if we're saying one thing, but our
choices and our decisions are
sending a contradictory message,
children are smart,
and they'll pick that up.
And one of the first things that children
and especially youth are able to smell and
pick up, and I probably mentioned this before,
is hypocrisy.
That's one of the first things they'll be
able to pick up
when there's a mismatch.
So you say one thing.
Right? But your actions,
your choices
say something else.
So let's be very careful about that as
parents. Right? You tell the child,
you know, to recite Quran. It's so important
to recite Quran. It's so important to recite
Quran. You must recite Quran every day. Right?
But when the choice comes to ignore your
child into a Quran program or some other
program,
then the other program takes priority. So what's
the message that you just send to your
child?
The Quran is really not that important.
Right?
You wanna make sure that they don't miss
any days of school,
Monday to Friday.
But then when it's time for evening or
weekend school,
you have a lax attitude.
What does that say?
So children are able to read these messages.
Each child, my brothers and sisters,
is built, including ourselves when we were born,
upon the fitra. The natural disposition.
The hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
The natural disposition to recognize and believe
recognize Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and to believe
him. That is the default setting of every
single human being that is born.
It is the parents
who change that.
That is
what
has told us. Right? It's like a device
that you buy.
Right? Or when you do a factory reset.
Right? You've got the default settings.
Right? Everything is designed, is set up to
work the way it is intended to work.
But then you go around, you know, downloading
various types of apps and software and all
types of stuff
that messes up your device.
Right? Not the hardware, but the software.
Right? It starts eating up all the memory
and then downloading all this type, you know,
malware and all this other stuff. Right? So
that's the same example for human beings and
for our children.
The challenge is it's sort of like this,
that we are trying to grow
dates and mangoes
in a climate that is not really well
suited for such fruits.
Somebody says, oh, I wanna have a mango
tree in my backyard here in Ottawa.
Is it gonna happen?
Not in the backyard. Right? Maybe, like, I
don't know if you can somehow make it
grow inside. Right? And you have a system
set up for it, and you give it
the temperature and everything that it needs. But
otherwise, it's not gonna happen. Right? Or you'll
get the tree, but you won't get the
fruit. Right? So this means, my brothers and
sisters, that we need to manage a few
things. So number 1, the environment.
What our children are taking in
and the length of exposure.
Okay? And I keep saying children, but actually
this applies to adults as well. But especially
because we are focusing on children. I say
children and youth, but really it's for all
of us. Right? So number 1, the environment.
Right? The environment
of the home
is important, but the environment of the school
is also an important consideration. Right? Because like
I said in the beginning, our children are
spending 1 third to, you know, a quarter
to 1 third of their day at school.
So the environment
of the home, of the school,
of your social circle,
right, of your family's social circle, of the
friends that they're hanging out with. Right? And
we're especially thinking about manners,
character,
priorities.
Right?
How are those things
like? You know, I was thinking recently that
there is a growing number of Muslims
in the city, in the community.
This is wonderful.
In schools,
you go to some schools. Right? It's like
like, one of the brothers one of the
teachers was telling me in a in the
French, system,
like, one of the classes is, like, 70%
Muslim.
Right? So,
like, there's large number of Muslims. The numbers
are not the issue. But here's the question,
that if we have a growing number of
Muslims
in the community, in schools, in universities,
what effect should that be having?
What effect should that be having on the
overall environment?
Right?
You would think that I was talking about
drugs last week. The drug use should be
down.
Alcoholism should be down.
Women should be feeling more safer and respected
because the Muslim man will even respect women
with his eyes. Right? Because that's what Allah
has taught us.
Crime should be down.
Gang activity should be down. Right? All of
these things should be going down
as the number of Muslims
increases.
Right? And if that is not happening,
then the question is why?
Why is it not happening?
Why is it that? It seems or the
perception is that when the number of Muslims
increases,
that the problems also increase. It should be
the opposite.
And if it's not the opposite, why is
it not opposite? So the environment is extremely
important, and it starts with the home and
the people that we choose to hang out
with. So that's number 1, managing the environment.
2nd 2,
what
they, our children, and we watch
and listen to and that we expose ourselves
to. Whether this is mainstream media, whether it's
on the Internet, whether it's movies or shows
or music or an or Quran recitation you're
listening to. You know, what are you exposing
your children to? And a lot of this
starts when it's young. The problem is that
when when the foundation is not set well
and then the building starts being crooked,
that's when a lot of times we realize,
oh, the building is going sideways. It's not
going the way it should be. And then
we say, okay. Well, let's try to fix
this. And it's so much harder to fix
it
afterwards, after the fact.
So a lot of this advice and a
lot of these discussions need to happen when
children are young and the focus starts there.
Because if you build the foundation right, then
it becomes a lot easier for the rest
of the building to also be upright and
to be straight. Let's not just say you
can't have mishaps and you can't have, you
know, instances where things still go sideways. It's
possible.
But it's a lot easier to start off
when,
when children are young and when they're fresh.
So
creating
or or curating their taste according to what
is appropriate in terms of exposure.
And thirdly, examining how long
they are exposed in an unhealthy environment
and
how to increase healthy exposure.
Right? So these are the things that we
primarily need to manage. And like I said,
we start young so that we build a
strong and correct foundation.
The more we can limit unhealthy exposure, which
is spiritually unhealthy,
the better.
Of course.
Right? Just like you wouldn't want to be
in a room that's filled with toxins, that's
filled with, you know, germs, that has poor
ventilation. As we know during COVID, there's a
lot of focus on ventilation.
Right? So you don't wanna be in that
environment because, you know, it's harmful for your
health physically.
Similarly, the environment matters spiritually. Right? If you're
putting your child or yourself in an environment
that's filled with filth,
that's filled with spiritual filth, that has, you
know, all types of things that are that
are harmful, then it's gonna have an effect.
Right? So how can we increase
the, the healthy exposure and and reduce the
unhealthy
exposure?
One way to do that for children is
through enrollment in full time Islamic schools.
But this is not possible for everyone. I
know that.
So let us figure out
what exposure
is
not required,
it's extra, and it can be easily controlled,
then go ahead and do it. Right? So
you look at all the exposure that your
child is getting or that you you're getting
and see, okay, how much of it is
necessary?
How much of it is mandatory or you
can't control? How much of it can you
actually control? And the ones that you can't
control, absolutely go ahead and control it in
a healthy manner.
Figure out what exposure is required
and which cannot be easily controlled. And then
you say, okay, this is something that I
cannot really fully control.
So it is what it is, but I
can try to counteract
the negative impacts and effects that might be
occurring,
within.
There are, of course, options for structured programs.
So for example, as I mentioned, evening and
weekend schools. Here we have a number of
activities that happen at the Masjid.
There's a play group.
You know, mothers and and children who are
here right now, and also on Sundays now,
twice a week
which is excellent.
You know, we have children circle this evening
after Maghrib.
So we have, you know, structured programs and
classes and, of course, many other activities happening
in in other
and other institutions,
wonderful programs
across the city. And so there's the structured
options that we have, but then we also
have the unstructured, right, which is,
at home
through normal interactions. Right? The things that we
choose to talk about. Right? One of my
favorite, and I've mentioned this before, is when
I'm going to drop off kids at school,
right, in the morning. For those who have
a bit of a commute,
that's a wonderful time to either talk about
something,
healthy, something, you know, useful, something that's going
to get them to think and get them
to to learn something positive about our religion,
about our faith, or even listening to various,
you know,
and lectures from various speakers and scholars and
just putting it on the car, especially for
youth.
Right? Well, maybe they wanna wanna they don't
wanna listen to it. Maybe they're bored or
whatever. Right? But at the end of the
day, it's it's they're hearing it. Right? And
it's gonna have some effect. So at home,
finding other opportunities through normal interactions,
through modeling behavior.
Right? Of course, the connection with the Masjid.
And it's so important to establish a culture
within the family, within the home, and within
the Masjid as well.
Within the Masjid as well. Right? So we
have a common and healthy culture because
when we have a situation where
the the dominant culture or, you know, things
that are happening are not very healthy, then
there has to be an alternative culture.
You can't just fully, you know, isolate yourself
and not have,
you know, any any alternative. So there has
to be an alternative
culture, and the masjid is one of the
places where we can provide that alternative culture,
but it has to be positive and it
has to be healthy.
You know,
I'm very pleased to learn that
has started or has restarted at a number
of public schools. Alhamdulillah.
And as the days get shorter and the
prayer times get closer together, it is now
more important than ever to help our children,
our youth get organized at school, you know,
create MSAs together,
so that they can get access to prayer
space, in schools and that they are able
to organize, Surat Al Jumah.
Sheikh Hisham Alabadi is working on this.
So please contact him if you'd like,
or if you like support for
at your child's, secondary school.
As you know, the municipal and school board
elections
are also coming up,
and, of course, it's important to vote. We've
talked about that numerous times that we, must
be fair and just and give a fair
chance to everyone and and understand,
you know, the the platforms and and and
get to know the candidates before we make
our choices.
But along with the municipal elections is also
the school board trustee elections as well. So
engage with school board board trustee candidates,
to share your concerns and views about what
is happening in school. There's a great opportunity
to do that right now. The goal, my
brothers and sisters, is to stay upon
for ourselves and our future generations
to protect
them against the fire as Allah tells us
in the Quran very clearly.
So that is what our objective is, but
remember that there are no guarantees.
There are no guarantees.
Our job is our job as parents is
to try our best
to guide.
And that is what we are accountable for,
not the results. Always remember, we are accountable
for our intention and effort in all matters,
not the results because the results are in
the hands of Allah
So try your reasonable best to guide your
children and to make the right choices and
leave for Allah the rest. Even the most
pious of people have had children who have
disobeyed, who have rejected Allah who have disobeyed,
who have rejected
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, and the worst of
the people have had the best of children.
Right? Because at the end, Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala is the one who guides. Right? When
we look at the example of saying,
right, he
reasoned, right, with his son. He pleaded with
him to no avail.
Right? His son thought that he was smarter
than his father, and
he was destroyed.
Right? But that is not an abdication of
responsibility
of parents.
Right? The goal is to guide them to
be a humble servant of Allah who is
able to live a life in the most
responsible and productive way as possible. And then
there are some children.
Right? Or some children will be like, say,
Nisma'e ilayhi salam. Right? Where when he tells
his father tells him when he say, Ibrahim
alayhis salam tells him about the dream he
has, that he's gonna sacrifice him.
Oh, my father, my dear father, do as
you have been commanded.
Right? Some children will be like the children
of Sayna Yaqub alayhis salam. Others,
like the son of Nuh alayhi salam. Right?
Sometimes children will
will rebel in their teens.
But most of the time, if the foundation
is strong,
they will come back.
So during those turbulent years,
keep the door open,
give them love, and maintain whatever positive influence
you're able to maintain,
and make effort,
make a lot of dua.
Dua of the parents is very, very powerful.
We we ask Allah
to protect our children and our youth. Ask
Allah
to make them steadfast upon iman. We ask
Allah
to make them and us loud lighthouses
of iman and ihsan
living embodiments of the Quran and the sunnah.
We ask Allah
to rectify our state
and to forgive us for our shortcomings.
So this is the municipal election time. You
know, we just, done with the provincial election,
but now it's a municipal election time.