Sikander Hashmi – Preventing Family Feuds KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
Respected elders, dear brothers and sisters,
my young friends,
I hope that you're all doing fantastic by
the grace and mercy of Allah.
May
Allah keep you well and remove any, difficulties
or challenges that you may be experiencing at
this time. I just wanna say that, you
know,
before I begin,
or before I go on that,
you know, I'm not really able to see
who's watching right now, although I do see
the number,
from the left. And, I just wanna say
that,
you know, I'm missing all of you and
can't wait till until,
can't wait until, you know, we can be
together once again
in person. But until then, I'm thinking about
everyone, making dua for everyone, and, you know,
feel free to comment. I do get to
see the comments,
if you, comment while I'm speaking.
And,
just wanted to mention that. So I I
don't I'm used to seeing everyone when I'm
talking,
but here, I just see a number.
I,
I know when I see the number that
you are there. So.
Now you probably heard, the breaking news, yesterday,
that,
from my young friends,
in elementary, high school, March break has been,
postponed.
Reading week is coming up for my friends
in university, college, that
is still on. The week has been postponed
and has been renamed to Ramadan break. No.
Just kidding.
It hasn't been renamed to that. However, it
has been pushed forward
to, the week of April 12th, which coincidentally
is supposed to be, possibly the first day
of Ramadan.
So in some ways, we have renamed March
break,
to, or at least March break has become
Ramadan break this year, for my young friends.
And,
you know,
depending on how you feel about it, most
people I think were from what I can
think of were or more most kids at
least would be looking forward,
We're looking forward to, to March break,
and,
you know, I like it when vacations and
holidays come up as well.
If not for me, then for my kids.
But nonetheless, as we've discussed before,
in everything that Allah
does, there will we believe that there is
some there is some goodness for us.
And if you're feeling a little down about
that, that's okay.
You know, family day weekend is here, long
weekend.
And I know many children are off of
school today. I'd select to welcome them, those
who are watching as well and joining us
today. And, of course, Monday, is off for
for many people, many families as well.
The weather is a bit cold. It's actually
supposed to be the coldest weekend
of the year,
but or of the winter. But, you know,
if we if you dress properly, you dress
well,
you know, you can still get out for
a little bit, especially when it's nice and
sunny. And, there was a great session last
night,
A night's, a great, meet and tea session,
hosted by brother Latif.
And,
you know, if you can watch that again,
if you missed it last night, and get
some ideas on how you can safely enjoy
the ice with your family as well,
this weekend if you like to do that.
Now what's happening as,
you probably know or have experienced,
that because of the pandemic,
most people
are having to spend a lot of time
with their families.
Now that is normally a good thing.
You know, spend more time with family. That's
supposed to be a good thing. It's a
positive thing.
But
when
the family members don't get along
when they're not getting along,
it might become too much.
And,
you know,
when there's very few places to go and
people are working from home, parents, husband, wife
working from home, and especially children are also
at home and not able to go to
school or, you know, they're they're going to
school virtually,
it's possible that there may be more arguments
that, you know, family members may be more
stressed out,
feeling more tense, more tension in the home,
or perhaps even feeling fed up of each
other, sadly. And, you know, the reality is
that we are human beings and,
individuals, families, communities go through ups and downs.
And for those families that were going through
struggles and challenges
before the pandemic came in, the pandemic just
really, you know, made everything a lot harder
because,
again, you know,
the few moments or the few times when
they would be able to get a break
from each other may not be happening anymore
anymore because they're, they're working from home or
they're not able to go out. Now as
you probably know, our religion
places great importance on the family and family
bonds.
And you've probably heard, you know, the virtues
and guidance with regards to the conduct of
the spouses with each other and treatment of
parents and the responsibilities of parents towards their
children and respect for grandparents and elders and
so on. So, today, I am not going
to, repeat,
those, those virtues and guidance. Instead, though, I'd
like to share some tips
to avoid family feuds within families. Now, of
course, the title of today's talk is family
feud. If you're thinking that I was you
know, we're gonna play a game, that's not
happening today. We have family game night tomorrow
night, 8 PM.
But,
today, we are talking about families feuding within
themselves.
And, the home, of course, is meant to
be a place of sukoon. Right? It's a
Muslim. It's a place of sukoon, a place
of peace, of tranquility
where,
and when it is a place of sukoon,
a place of peace and tranquility, there are
a multitude of benefits.
There are a multitude of benefits, unimaginable benefits,
psychologically, emotionally, spiritually,
physically even,
when families are living in homes that are
peaceful and tranquil.
But when that peace and quality is lacking,
then of course there can be many harms
and downsides as well. May Allah
help us and protect us all. Now families
are teams. Okay? And I always like to
give this example especially from my young friends.
Think of your family as a team. So
even, you know, it could be any team.
You think of a hockey team, a basketball
team, baseball team, whichever team,
you know, if or a team at work.
You know, if even one player is out
of line if even one player, one team
member is out of line, then it affects
everyone and, ultimately, the success
of the team as well. Right? So if
family if if team members are not performing
the way they're supposed to or if there's
tension between them and there there there are
problems between them, then it's going to ultimately
impact
the success, the output, the success of the
team.
And, you know, there are lots of benefits
of being part of team family
for ourselves, as I mentioned, mentally, spiritually, emotionally,
as individuals and also for society as well
because families are
the foundation of society. When families become weak
or families do not exist, then society will
become weak and society will be harmed.
So it's very important, but
it requires sacrifice from everyone on the team.
You're gonna have a successful team. You can't
have players that are just, like, you know,
sitting around, who are not doing their job,
who are just, you know,
just there and they're not they're not contributing.
Right? So there there has it requires
sacrifice from everyone in order to be successful.
Now what is surprising
is that so many of our brothers and
sisters,
they know
and they even practice
so much about good character. So they know
so much about good character, and they practice
it as well.
Good character, good morals, but with who? With
neighbors,
with colleagues,
with friends, with strangers on the street, you
know, best character, best behavior, you know, with
colleagues, with others.
But it's a completely different story at home.
Right? It's like,
you know, you won't believe that it's the
same person who was outside, who was just
walking through their door, and all of a
sudden the dynamics have changed. Now there may
be reasons, you know, there there may be
explanations for that, but, you know, we're we're
putting on our best behavior,
you know, to make a good representation of
our community,
you know, so that we we maintain good
relations with with colleagues and coworkers and and,
you know, friends and so on at school,
and we're may putting in a lot of
effort for that. But then when we come
home, we sort of wanna let go of
everything and just, just relax. But,
is that the way it should really be?
So remember, my brothers and sisters,
that all the teachings regarding good conduct
and good character, you know, that we talk
about and that we practice with others, they
apply to family members and our spouses also.
They apply to our interactions with our own
families as well. Now
before, you know, we share the tips,
it helps, I think, to start with reminding
ourselves. It would help if we start with
reminding ourselves
about our reality. Right? Sometimes there are things
that we all know,
but, you know, they're sort of at the
back of our minds
and, you know, they they just sort of
need to be said, and we need to
acknowledge them. Okay? So here's the first thing.
First
reality check. Okay? Number 1,
none of us are angels.
Okay? None of us are angels. Meaning, we,
human beings, we're living in families. We are
members of the community. We are not angels.
Yes. Of course, we want our gatherings to
be witnessed by angels sent by Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, but we ourselves are not angels.
Each one of us has weaknesses,
many weaknesses.
Every one of us sins.
Every one of us makes mistakes. Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala tells us,
Then the human being was created
weak. So weakness
is inherently part of who we are by
design,
by design.
Who created us? Allah created us. So Allah
says, and the human being was created weak.
So none of us are angels. Every single
one of us is gonna have weaknesses, are
gonna commit sins, are gonna make mistakes, me,
you, everyone. Okay? So we are all on
the same page with regards to that. So
if you're looking for perfection
in your spouse
and your family members,
if you are looking for people, other people
to be perfect around you, then know that
you're in the wrong place or you're dealing
with the wrong creation of Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala. Okay? Wrong place. Why? Because perfection is
only gonna be in Jannah. It's not gonna
be in disunya. It's not gonna happen in
this world. Okay? Nothing is gonna be perfect
all the time in this dunya. No one
is gonna be perfect all the time.
Okay? So if you're looking for perfection in
your family members and your spouse,
you're in the wrong place. And you're dealing
with the wrong creation of Allah
because the angels don't have choice where they
only do what Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala commands
them to do. But we're not angels.
Okay?
So we are gonna make mistakes.
You know, we are gonna commit sins. We
are gonna have weaknesses. Those things are given.
Number 1. Okay?
Number
2, no 2 people are totally alike.
Okay? No 2 people are totally alike. So
it is expected that there will be some
disagreements
and disputes in every family,
and not everyone is going to be the
way we want them to be. Let's just
accept that. Okay? There will be disagreements.
There will be disputes from time to time.
Not everyone is gonna be the way we
want them to be. Okay? Because that's just
the reality of it. K? Because every single
human being is different. Everyone has been given
the ability by Allah to make choices. And
because we are human beings, we will, from
time to time, make the wrong choices or
just think differently and have different opinions. Okay?
Even the prophet
had situations with his wife as well. Right?
So these two things are given that mistakes
will be made and there will be disagreements
and disputes.
Now how we respond
is often what determines
how the situation is gonna end up.
Okay? So we actually had have quite a
bit of control.
Right? In in this in this discussion or
in this area, we actually have quite a
bit of control because what happens next many
times is dependent on how we respond and
how we
react. And thirdly,
our individual choices and responses to situations
will have an impact on the state of
our family. K. So let's also accept that
as well. So the way I respond, the
way I behave
will have an impact on the overall state
of our families.
So now here are a few factors that
can prevent
family feuds
and improve relationships within families. Okay? And before
I get into the list,
an important disclaimer that there is no justification
for abuse and oppression.
Okay? So if the situation is at that
point where there is abuse that is occurring
and where there's oppression that is occurring,
then these will likely not apply. Okay? And
if if you're at that point, then you
need to get help. You know, you may
need to get out. Okay? So that's at
a completely different level
and which is, of course, wrong and should
not be happening.
But,
you know
or, you know, you're being severely oppressed.
Back to the list now. So the few
things that can, the tips that can help
prevent family feuds
and improve relationship within, our families. And the
number one is because, you know, I was
like, okay. How am I gonna approach this
topic? So I just started okay. I just
thought, you know what? Let's just start from
the beginning. Okay? Because the family bonds are
created.
Right? Of course, when a child is born,
you're born into a family, but a new
family is created when marriage occurs. Right? When
a man and a woman get married, then
a new family is created.
So I'm sort of going through, you know,
the things that happen. And perhaps some of
these things happen in the in the beginning,
but then, you know, we get used to
life, we get busy, and then we forget
about things. So take it as a reminder
for myself and all of us. So number
1
is expressing
love, compassion,
and gratitude.
K. The prophet
was kind and loving
towards children, towards his wives, towards his relatives,
towards our people.
So know also that people express
love differently.
K? The most common ways it is said
there's a whole discussion about this. The most
common ways of expressing love are 5. So
words of affirmation,
quality time,
acts of service, chidma,
physical touch, and gifts.
Okay? It could be that a person well,
one person is expressing love in one way,
but the other person
who they're expressing it to
or it could be a group as well
is are not reading it as an expression
of love. And, actually, this is very common.
Okay? So it's almost like, you know, especially
between spouses,
they're communicating on different levels. Okay? And they're
both expecting that they're gonna get the same
type of response or the the expression of
love that they are looking for. But the
reality is is that the other person is
actually expressing their love, but they're just not
reading it. They're not understanding that it actually
is an expression of
love. Okay? So that is very important, but
expressing it, you know, saying it, kissing our
children, of course, from the from the son
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
you know, expressing it verbally, showing it in
different ways, whether it's it's through service, but
also, you know, through through words, through through
physical acts,
through gifts. You know, all of these things
are proven from the prophet
Now thanking others is also a teaching of
the prophet
As we know the famous
hadith
that Right? That whoever does not thank people
has not thanked Allah
So thank your family members. Right? Thank your
spouse. Thank your parents. Thank your family members
even for seemingly little things. Inshallah, it will
increase love and togetherness.
Right? It doesn't take much. Right? To it
just it's as they say, it's a thought
that counts. It doesn't take much, but just
take a few moments to express your gratitude
and try to do it regularly. It will
make you a more humble and and more,
grateful servant to Allah
and it will also help in your interfamily,
intrafamily
relations.
Also,
it's famous saying. We say, oh, smiling is
sunnah or smiling is an act of charity.
But when is the last time you smiled
at a family member? Right? I know it's
hard with strangers because we're wearing masks, but
at least we could do it with our
family members. Right? Smile. Smile regularly. You know,
you don't have to be always uptight, stern
face.
You know, come in, smile. You know, it
doesn't take much. It's good it's good good
for us in many different ways. Right? If
you do it outside the home, let's start
doing it inside the home as well. Number
2,
be easygoing and kind towards others. Okay? Easygoing.
Relaxed.
Now some personalities, sometimes we're just always uptight.
You know, always demanding.
I always want something, you know, and to
the point where they're rude and coming across
is very stern. Sometimes it's person's personality, and
they have to work extra hard to change
that. But the prophet
said that that
whoever is kind,
affable,
easygoing,
Allah will forbid them from entering the hellfire.
Right? So there's great virtue in having these
characteristics
and these,
these qualities. You know, sometimes we think something
is a big deal. Somebody does something or
doesn't do something you want them to do,
they take it as a big deal. But
in reality, if you look at the big
picture, it's not really that good of a
deal. Yes. It may be annoying us. Yes.
It may, you know, be a little bit
troubling for us. But at the end of
the day, it's not something that's that's hugely
consequential,
you know, in in the big picture. K?
So try to be easygoing,
be kind,
and, you know,
be,
you know,
be
be easy and and and, you know, have
a good attitude with in dealing with people.
Now this is
regarding not regarding your own responsibilities. So don't
say, well, I'm not saying, oh, you have
to be easy going towards my responsibilities, so
I was supposed to do this and that.
So now I'm just gonna be easy. I'm
gonna take it easy. Okay. That's not the
point. The point is that towards others that
can have interactions with others, we are easygoing.
We are forgiving. We are easygoing with others.
Okay? Not with regards to our own responsibilities.
Our own responsibilities,
things that we have said we're gonna do
or we have been asked to do, you
know, as members of the family, then that
is something that we take seriously.
Thirdly, gentleness.
Right? So many times something can be said.
You know, sometimes things need to be said
or they need to be discussed. They may
be a little bit sensitive. They may be
a little bit hurtful perhaps,
but it they don't have to be said
or they don't have to be done in
a harsh way.
Most things can be said in a nicer
way, in a sweeter way. And the prophet
said as related by Aisha
that
That really gentleness is not found in anything
but it that it beautifies it, and it
is not removed from anything but that it
disgraces it. So if we do not have
gentleness in my in in our family, my
brothers and sisters, then how will our family
relations be beautified?
Right? So if you wanna beautify our our
family relations,
really any human interaction,
then
adopt gentleness
in in our approach. Inshallah, we will see
the beauty that comes out of it. And
if we don't, if we do the opposite,
then,
unfortunately, it will also lead to certain outcomes
that we probably don't want to have. So
always try to avoid situations
in a gentle manner, in a kind manner.
And this is from, again, the teachings of
the prophet
practically as well. Right? When people are doing
something wrong, how would the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam correct them? Right? Was he harsh in
his approach? No. He was gentle, especially when
he knew that it was out of ignorance,
right, or forgetfulness.
Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam was gentle in the
way that he would correct people in the
way he would deal with situations. So gentleness
has to be key. Number 4, accepting mistakes.
Now this is talking about ourselves. K? We
all make mistakes. We've discussed that already. Now
what happens? Our ego gets in the way.
And, of course, our ego is linked with
arrogance. Right? It has to do with arrogance.
So ego gets in the way that why
should I be subservient? No. Why should I
apologize? No. Why should I you know, I
don't wanna lose any ground as if it's
a perpetual competition with our spouse and with
our family members. No. If I do this,
then I'm gonna become lower and, you know,
it's it's gonna lower my my sense of,
you know, my importance in the in the
family as an example. Okay?
So
no need for all of that. Just be
humble. There's you're not gonna lose anything by
becoming humble. Okay? Person who lowers themselves,
themselves, Allah raises them. K? It goes the
other way. So be humble. If you have
wronged or offended someone,
apologize
sincerely. I know it can be hard sometimes,
but apologize sincerely.
Show remorse. Don't need to keep arguing and
keep making the situation worse. You know? And
if it is a habit, perhaps it is
a bad habit and we all have them,
then you can ask for help from your
spouse or your family members in in in
overcoming it.
Right? It doesn't have to be, oh, everyone
is competing against the other. Okay? Spouse, especially,
are competing against the other. No. Right? Support
one another.
Now number 5, of course, some situations can
lead to anger.
Okay? Right? There can be many situations where
things don't go our way or we are
you know, and people don't meet our expectations.
We can become angry. Yes. You've got to
keep that anger in check, the advice of
the prophet
very clearly.
Don't get angry. Now naturally anger will come
at times, but control your anger. And another
narration from the
prophet giving more details that some are swift
to anger
and swift to cool down. Okay? So some
are swift, quick to anger, quick to cool
down. The one characteristic making up for the
other. K? So they get angry quickly, but
then also they cool down quickly. Then he
goes on and says some are slow anger
and slow to cool down. One characteristic making
up for the other. K? So it's the
opposite. It takes them long to get angry,
but then it also takes them long
to cool down. So it's the same for
both. You know? So one is
get angry quickly, cool down quickly.
Get angry slowly, but then also cool down
slowly. But the prophet
reported to have said, the best of you
are those who are slow to anger
and swift, quick to cool down.
The best of you are those who are
slow to anger. It takes you a lot.
You know, it's gonna keep building and building
and building and building. It's gonna take a
long time until you actually get angry. And
when you get angry, you're quick to cold
now. Right? So it's said that the best
of you are those who have this characteristic
with relation to with,
with relation to anger, and the worst of
you are those who are swift to anger,
who are quick to get angry
and slow to cool down. So you get
angry right away and it takes so long
to cool down. Right? So that is from
the worst of the characteristics.
May Allah
protect us and enable us to control our
anger. Allah tells us, right, describing the pious
people, people who do good.
They are those who give charity and prosperity
and adversity.
And they control their anger.
And they pardon others, and Allah loves the
good doers. K? So controlling the anger, very,
very important. You have to be very careful,
especially to the husbands, the men out there,
and especially
when it comes to the words of divorce.
Okay? Now, of course, we may feel like
we are being you know, you may feel
like we're being instigated.
And for our sisters as well, you know,
we always have to be careful
about our actions,
but especially when it comes to the words
of divorce, this is a very serious issue.
We don't talk about it enough perhaps.
Never ever go there.
Never go there unless you have fully thought
it through and you mean it. This is
one of our discussions in the imam council.
What is happening? It's like it's a joke.
I was told I wasn't afraid of this.
I was told by some of my fellow
respected elder imams that this is the culture
in in some in some communities.
That this is a cultural thing to to
utter the words of of divorce when in
anger. But, brother, this is totally unacceptable.
This is totally unacceptable.
This word should not be part of our
vocabulary
unless
you have fully thought it through and you
mean it and you know the consequences and
you know what you're getting into.
Otherwise, do not go near that word.
Don't even don't even think about it. That's
how dangerous that word is.
K? Sometimes people don't realize and then they
have to face the consequences. It it destroys
their lives. Don't do that. Don't do that.
So I sincere
advise. And
if you have issues with anger, it's possible.
People have issues with anger management,
then could get some help. There's courses. There's
therapy. There's things that are involved.
Right? There are spiritual remedies.
Get help. Recognize it that, yes, I have
this issue with anger. Let me try to
get some help so that I can control
it because this is a very, very dangerous
thing that can have, you know, multiple
severe negative impacts. So be very careful about
anger and especially the words of divorce. No
one pretook this all.
Number 6.
Yes. Perhaps you got angry over a family
member doing something, okay, or continuing to do
something,
but turn it into support. What's the point?
You know, like, it's natural to become angry
or or, you know, at bad or annoying
traits, but that's not getting any results, is
it? Like, you keep harping. You keep, you
know, shouting. You keep bringing it up. You
keep mentioning it. You keep but it's not
helping. Right? Your anger and your response is
not helping.
So help the family member recognize their problem
with compassion, right, with kindness once again, and
then support them in overcoming the struggle because,
remember, it's a team effort. You have to
lift each other up. We don't want each
other to fail because the other person fails
and it affects all of us.
Okay? So we have to lift each other
up. And if one person succeeds, then everyone
succeeds. K? So, yes, unfortunately, family members sometimes
have major issues. They have major challenges, struggles
that they're dealing with, and it's not that
they're doing it willingly. Many times, it becomes
an addiction. It it's a problem for them.
Many times, they may not express it and
perhaps they should, but they're struggling and they
actually want to overcome it. Okay? Many times,
people do want to overcome it. Now, of
course, when the ego comes in and they
start defending their wrong actions and that is
unacceptable,
But many times people are struggling and they
need support. Okay? So channel that anger into
support. I know it's not easy, but if
you approach it that way, then it actually
has a a a better possibility
of having a good outcome.
Number 7, be giving and forgiving
or sorry. Be giving by forgiving and overlooking
mistakes.
Okay? Remember that no one can be forced
to forgive. I've been in situations where couples
are talking to each other, and they're like,
okay. I'm so sorry. Now now you have
to forgive me.
I'm like, what do you mean? Like, yeah,
you know, the other person doesn't have to
forgive you. Right? It's something which is voluntary.
Right? Like, you have to be remorseful
and apologize,
and then the other person, you know, it's
their choice, but we have been given much
encouragement to forgive them partly. Okay? So it's
not something somebody can force you to do,
but
Allah tells us, right, referring to an incident
that occurred
by the time the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam. Allah says,
Let them pardon and forgive.
Do you not love to be forgiven by
Allah? And Allah is all forgiving, most merciful.
K? So Allah has linked forgiveness,
forgiving others, and pardoning others with his forgiveness
as well. Okay? So if you love to
be forgiven by Allah
be forgiving and and pardon others as
well. K. Now, of course, it requires most
of the time that the other person who
who needs to be forgiven or who wants
to be forgiven shows remorse and, you know,
all of those things. But, nonetheless, we should
try to have big hearts and try to
be forgiving towards others and, inshallah, Allah will
be forgiving towards us as well. And, of
course, this applies
to our family members as well. Number 8,
cast aside baseless assumptions and suspicions.
Allah
tells us very clearly in Surah Al Khairat.
The believers avoid being excessively suspicious,
for some suspicion is a sin. They do
not spy nor backbite one another. K? But
the key part focused today, being excessively suspicious.
Okay? Get away from
suspicions and assumptions, negative assumptions.
Give people the benefit of the doubt, and
don't assume the worst immediately and constantly.
Okay? What happens is especially when there's a
lot of trust and trust is, of course,
in that, it's so hard to build, so
easy to break.
Okay? So be very careful about your actions
that can break trust. Okay? But
when something happens or you come across something,
don't assume the worst immediately. Give the person
a chance to explain themselves. Maybe there is
an explanation. Maybe you are seeing things wrong.
Maybe you are assuming it incorrectly, and that
is not their intention or that is not
what they were doing. This is the benefit
of the doubt we are taught to give
to others. But when it comes to our
family members, are we willing to give that
benefit of the doubt? Right?
In many cases, no. So
give the benefit of the doubt. Don't assume
the worst immediately and especially constantly. But, yes,
if you see a pattern of behavior and
there is real evidence,
right, that you're you actually have evidence, okay,
then don't be gullible either. Of course, then
you seek advice and you get help.
Okay? And fight negative thoughts about suspicion unless
there's actual evidence. Okay? Because Shaitan will try
to put these,
you know, evil thoughts and suspicions in our
minds and our hearts to poison our family
relationships, to poison spouse relationships.
That's a don't fall for baseless,
you know, assumptions and be also careful, you
know, of people
who because of hesed, because of jealousy,
they try to plant seeds of doubt and
mistrust between family members, especially between spouses.
Be very careful of that. You know, you
think that stuff like that doesn't really happen
or it's just like, you know, it happens
in dramas or whatever. But, no, it's true.
Right? It actually happens. So be very careful
about what people are feeding you, what thoughts
and ideas are planting in your mind with
regards
to your family members, especially your spouse.
And, also, know
that, you know, if a person is behaving
in a certain way,
know that or, you know, like, in a
way that they're not used to behaving in
or that you don't expect them to behave
in. Know also that stress
and anxiety can lead people to behave in
ways that they normally don't.
In that case, it looks like it's about
you, but it's actually it's not about you
even though it may seem like it. It
is because they're stressed out, whether it's at
work or finances or, you know, other, relations
with families or whatever, like other situations that
they're in. And then, unfortunately, because they're not
able to cope with that stress or they're
having trouble coping with that stress and anxiety
starts coming out on you, the other family
members, or the spouse. You know? So know
that if that if a person is not
normally like that or they weren't always like
that, try to find out, okay. What happened?
You know, what led them from becoming this
person who was not like this to becoming
a person who is, you know, behaving in
ways that they normally would.
Number 9,
have a process for resolving disagreements.
You know, try to understand the other person's
position. One of the key I was reading
this book in one of my courses, and
it said one of the key skills that
a person can develop
is understand being able to put themselves in
another person's shoes.
If you are able to put yourself in
another person's shoes and look at things from
their perspective,
that that's like you know, that'll resolve, like,
half your problems,
okay, between people. So try to understand the
other person's position. You know, validate their feelings.
People feel different ways and they may not
be feeling in ways that, you know or
develop the things that we want them to
develop. You know? So validate their feelings
and try to explain your position calmly.
Try to find compromise.
Seek help if you're not able to. Because
the Sahaba
used to go to the prophet
when they had disputes, when they had challenges,
they would go to the prophet
and they would accept his advice and his
decision. Okay? So have people
that your family, especially spouses,
respect and look up to so that you
can go to those people
for advice
and for a resolution of your,
disagreements.
Okay?
And finally, number 10, look for the positives
and push away the negatives. And once again,
no one is perfect. And if you look
for folks, that's all what you're gonna see.
Okay? You know, it's interesting. When I think
of, you know, sometimes,
you know, that's an example.
You know, maybe I'm looking into for some
reason, some type of car is on the
news, or I'm looking at some car. I
was reading about something about it. Or you're
not paying attention
to to one type of car more than
others.
All of a sudden, when I'm driving, I
noticed, oh, there's so many of these cars.
It looks like a lot all of a
sudden, so many more of these showed up,
but it's not that. It's just that I
started paying attention, so I started noticing. Okay?
So, similarly,
if you look for faults, that's all what
you're gonna see.
If you're if you're if you're looking for
negativity, you're gonna find negativity. This goes for
families. This goes for your spouse. This goes
for, you know, community for for everywhere. K?
Train yourself to look for positives.
Right? Try to have positive thinking.
Appreciate the positives. Encourage the positives.
Allah
gives us that that, you know, puts us
in that direction with relation to, you know,
spouses, spousal interactions and relationships.
Says if you dislike them in any manner,
it may be that you dislike something in
which Allah has placed much good for you.
Right? This is still husbands with in regards
to their wives, but it applies really both
ways always. Okay? That perhaps, you know, you
dislike something because, again, no one's gonna be
perfect, but it may be that you're disliking
something and Allah has put a lot of
good that you're not able to see or
that you're not realizing. Okay? And most importantly,
my brothers and sisters, be a person of
taqwa,
especially in relation to your actions towards others.
If you fear Allah
with with regards to especially your interactions with
others, that will encourage your family members to
also adopt the path of taqwa towards others
including you as well. There's still a member
of one of our respected imams saying, talking
about family situation, because most of our our
meetings deal with, you know, cases of family
situations.
People
do not fear Allah anymore.
People I mean, general statement. Of course, there
are exceptions. But, generally, people do not fear
Allah anymore. You know? So have taqwa.
Have the consciousness, the fear of Allah
with regards to others,
They will also have the same towards you
as well. And for my friends who are
not yet married,
find a spouse who fears Allah and who
loves Allah and is Rasool
You will not go wrong.
Okay? No one was gonna be perfect, but
that is the advice of the prophet of
Allah
k? Look for
and especially
the fear of Allah
and love for Allah and his messenger
that will help you in many ways.
As we always end, Allah says
and whoever is mindful of Allah
He will make a way out for them.
To save and provide from them for them
from sources that they could never imagine.
And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then
he alone is sufficient
for them.
Certainly, Allah achieves his will.
Allah has already set a destiny for everything.
May Allah
bless you and your families. May Allah
protect you all. Let us make
We thank you for all of your blessings.
Oh, Allah, please make us a contest from
amongst the people who are the shakareen, from
the grateful.
Oh, Allah, we thank you for all of
your blessings, the countless blessings that you have
given us. Oh, Allah, the ones that we
tend to ignore so many times, oh, Allah,
the ones that we forget, oh, Allah, for
every single blessing, oh, Allah, please count us
as being grateful. Oh, Allah,
please forgive us for all of our shortcomings.
Oh, Allah, we have immersed ourselves in sins.
Oh, Allah. We are filled with mistakes. Oh,
Allah. We are our book of deeds are
filled with wrongdoing
going against your guidance and the beautiful example
of your beloved messenger.
Oh, Allah. We have wronged others. We have
wronged,
so so many of your creation. Oh, Allah,
please forgive us for all of our wrongdoings
and our mistakes.
Oh, Allah, please purify our hearts. Oh, Allah,
please purify our minds. Oh, Allah, please purify
our bodies, our actions,
our intentions,
and make us those for who are pure.
Oh, Allah, please bless our families with love
and unity.
Oh, Allah, please make every home a home
of peace and tranquility.
Oh Allah, please remove all misunderstandings
and grudges between family members.
Oh Allah, please increase
love and harmony between all spouses.
Oh Allah, please increase the love and respect
their children have for their parents.
Oh, Allah, please increase the love and compassion
that parents have towards their children, You Rabbanameen.
Oh, Allah, please increase all of us in
our respect for and love for our elders,
You Rabbanameen.
Oh, Allah. Oh, Allah. Those who are struggling
with relation to raising their children, who are
struggling with their youth, oh, Allah, struggling with
their marriages, oh, Allah. Please remove their struggles,
You Rabbal Alameen. Oh, Allah. Please bless them
with unity and harmony, You Rabbal Alameen. Oh,
Allah. Please
grant
strength in iman and taqwa and
and physical and spiritual, emotional, and psychological health
to our children and our youth, You Rabbal
Alameen. Oh, Allah, please empower them. Oh, Allah,
please strengthen them so that they are able
to withstand the challenges of the times, You
Rabbil Alameen.
Oh, Allah. Oh, Allah. Please remove the hardships
from all of those who are facing hardships,
You Rabbil Alameen. Oh, Allah, please perfect the
iman of our youth and our children, You
Rabbil Alameen. Oh, Allah, please guide them to
become
good contributing,
members of our community
and citizens of this world, Oh, Allah, who
are, blessed with knowledge and with taqwa so
that they can raise their children in the
best of ways and continue and pass on
this torch of iman.
Oh, Allah, any type of hardship being faced
by anyone, oh, Allah, please remove them, you
Rabbi Alameen. Oh, Allah, those who are facing,
struggles with regards to their health, oh, Allah,
please remove their struggles and cure them, you
Rabbi Alameen. Oh, Allah. Our elders who are
facing challenges and struggles,
cancer and other illnesses
and pain and suffering. Oh, Allah. Please remove
their their their illnesses and their pain and
suffering.
Oh, Allah. So many of our brothers and
sisters. Oh, Allah. Either they themselves are fighting
COVID 19 or their relatives
have been infected and are in serious condition.
Oh, Allah, especially our brother Farooq, his aunt
his aunt,
is, in critical condition. Oh, Allah, please grant
her a complete and speedy recovery.
All of our friends, our relatives,
all of our brothers and sisters in faith
and humanity who are struggling with this illness
or other illnesses, all of other relatives of
ours, oh Allah, please grant them all speedy
recovery.
Oh Allah, so many families who have relatives
with
disabilities, who have, children
with different struggles and challenges, oh, Allah. Please
cure them and grant them easy, You Rabbi
Alameen. Oh, Allah. Anyone who is suffering with
pain, oh, Allah, or anxiety or depression or
stress or any type of challenge, oh Allah,
please remove all of those all of that
pain and suffering and replace it with peace
and goodness, You Rabbal Alameen. Oh Allah, all
of our brothers and sisters around the world
who are living in fear and hardship, Oh,
Allah. So many places around the world. Oh,
Allah. So many villages. Oh, Allah. So many
prisons. So many countries. So many cities. Oh,
Allah. So many shelters. Oh, Allah. So many
camps. Our brothers and sisters in faith and
humanity are living in fear, facing different types
of hardships. Oh, Allah, please remove all those
hardships and grant them easy.
Oh, Allah, please grant,
all of us,
ease with regards to our risk.
Oh, Allah, open the gates of halal, the
risk that we can spend in the best
way to please you and to fulfill our
duties and our responsibilities and to
to promote,
to to promote your
my brothers and sisters.
Bless you all. Stay warm. Stay safe.
And, we will be having, as I mentioned,
family game night tomorrow at 8 PM.
That is open to all members of the
family to come on together, play games together
with the rest of the community on Zoom.
So this is at 8 PM. Just go
to kanasmuslimsday/game
night, and you will find, the, the link
to Zoom there. And we also have guys
game night, with brother Akid and brother Asad
tomorrow at 5:30 as well.
So you can also find that on their
website,
camosomes.ca.
The link is there. We can also go
to /ggnguysgamenight.
You'll find instructions for registration there.
And we also have exciting new programming coming
for teen girls as well,
so stay tuned for that. Those who are
at home, please offer photocards of.
We hope to be reopened for,
as before the lockdown starting from next Friday,
but to be confirmed, so please watch our
website,
.ca/reopen
on Thursday,
for, details and registration.