Sikander Hashmi – Preserving our Children & Youth KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
Respected elders, dear brothers and sisters,
All of the schools have now reopened.
Most of our children and youth
to school.
My brothers and sisters,
we all know that
youth are the future
are our future
future of our community.
They are the future of Islam in this
land.
So in their situation
their situation and their state
is and should be of concern to all
of us.
Because if the state and the situation of
our children and our youth is bad,
then that means that our future is also
bleak and potentially bad.
And if our children and our youth, their
situation is good, is positive, and they are
strong,
then
we can have hope and reassurance that, insha'Allah,
our future as a community
and the future of the Deen
and this land will also be positive and
strong, insha'Allah.
The prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, has told
us that.
And there are different narrations, slightly different wordings,
different narrations that have been, that this meaning
has been conveyed in from the child
is
born upon the fitra.
That every child
is born upon the fitra,
upon the natural disposition that Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala has embedded in them.
And then his parents make him a Jew,
or a Christian, or a Meijin.
Now what is this fitra?
So the scholars have differed.
Some of them have said that this fitra
is the ability to recognize Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
It is not necessarily the deen of Islam
in and of itself,
but the ability to recognize Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala is embedded in every single child,
every single human being that is born.
Another group of scholars
know that this means that every child is
born upon Islam itself.
So this is a difference of opinion that
the scholars have had in terms of understanding
fitra in this context in the context of
this hadith.
In any case, we know that our children
are gifted to us in a pure state,
That every child that is born is born
pure
and is born
with
this,
recognition of Allah
or the ability to recognize Allah
And it is we
who through our choices,
right, and what we teach them,
what we teach our children, what we expose
our children to,
either help to solidify iman
in their hearts
or lead them elsewhere.
Or lead them
elsewhere. So this is through
the choices that we make.
If we make the right choices
that help solidify iman in the hearts of
our children,
then they stay upon the fitrah that Allah
has
has placed inside of them.
And if you make choices,
would you do the opposite?
Then
that
natural disposition, that fitrah
gets buried inside
and
by the teachings and the things that we
expose them to.
So this means, my brothers and sisters,
that protecting
a child's fitra
is our job from day 1.
Protecting
our child's fitra
is
our job
we all want our children
to succeed
in this world and in the hereafter.
We
want all of our children to succeed,
and particularly in 3 areas.
Right? Of
them to hold onto their iman,
not to become victims of, you know, atheism
and other arms of shaitan.
Number 2, we don't want them to get
into any major sins
and especially in a haram lifestyles.
And thirdly,
of course, and that goes with it, is
we do not want them to commit any
crimes.
That's the bare minimum for most parents.
Of course, we want them to be happy.
We want them to practice Islam.
We want them to be well behaved, and
we want them to study well and be
success
have a a a comfortable life.
So there's a few tips, inshallah, I'd like
to share
for all of us. And this is important
for every single one of us because as
the saying goes,
it takes a village to raise a child.
What's the saying? It takes a village to
raise a child.
So whether we have
or not or perhaps grandchildren
or not,
This applies to all of us because we
all have a role to play
in
bringing up and nurturing
our children, collectively, the children of this ummah.
Of course, the primal
responsibility,
but every single person has some role to
play.
First of all,
every child
will be different, but there are certain things
that every child needs
Just like their physical provisions. Right? And 1st
and foremost,
love and nurturing care.
Example of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
was very kind, very tenderhearted towards the children.
Right? Even though, of course, he had a
very important position,
he would always be very kind, very tender
towards children.
Right? In expressing love towards children, playing with
children,
you know, being tolerant with children, being forbearing
with children.
And when it comes to their parents, of
course,
children
their parents,
particularly when they're young. And don't underestimate
this time period,
the formative years of a child's life.
Right? From birth
until, let's say, age
8.
That age, that period is extremely critical
because that is when the child is developing
in many different ways.
Right? It is often, unfortunately, the time when
young parents have high financial pressures,
and, you know, you have to work hard
to establish yourself,
to establish your career, to bring in a
pay
to establish a business, so on and so
forth.
Right? So if you have children, especially young
children, there's probably nothing more valuable that you
can give them
than
your love
and your time.
Your love and your time, especially especially when
they're young.
And you solidify that positive connection
with your child,
and then you do tarbia along the way.
It doesn't mean that because you love, you
don't
help teach You know, you don't teach your
child, you don't guide your child.
But by spending time
time with your children,
you find opportunities to do their in a
nice way, to explain them things, to talk
to them about things,
to talk to them about Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala,
To talk about the love for Allah
To talk about, you know, the things that
we do and we do not do.
Right? To talk about good manners.
To have discussions and explain things to them.
Right?
If you invest this time, if we as
parents invest this time
and love into our relationships,
then in most cases, they'll pay huge dividends
later on, Inshallah.
Right? So take time off work,
know and especially if both parents are working.
I understand in many families, it's a need,
and you don't have
but as much as possible,
try to spend time with your children. Resist
the temptation to send them to day care,
if you can.
And if not if it's not possible,
then maybe leave them try to leave them
in the care of some righteous relatives
or others who will help
build them upon their fitrah.
So that's number 1.
Number 2, my brothers and sisters, is to
be their guide with gentleness.
You see, the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam has
told us as related by the Aisha radiAllahu
anha that
That verily gentleness is not found in anything
except that it beautifies it. And it is
not removed from anything, but that it disgraces
it. Right?
So gentleness is extremely important, especially when we
are dealing with our children as they grow
older. Right? We are their guides as parents,
and it is natural that children and especially
as they become youth, they will make mistakes.
Right? Which one of us did not make
mistakes when we were young, when we were
years? Everybody has some story.
Everybody has some challenge that we have gone
through. Right? So it is natural to to
make mistakes,
but the key is to allow them to
learn from those mistakes.
Right? So they're not repeated again, so that
there is some benefit that comes out of
it. If we expect perfection from our children,
we are going to be disappointed.
In fact, if we expect perfection from any
human being, we are going to be disappointed
because human beings are not angels.
Every human being is gonna have some shortcomings.
He's gonna make some mistakes. He's gonna commit
some sins.
So let us be realistic
and know that our children will not be
perfect.
They will make mistakes.
But when they make mistakes,
we use that as an opportunity to help
them learn and grow from there. And as
they grow older, we need to shift gears.
Cannot deal with each 5 years old
and then deal with them the same way
when they are 15 years old. There's a
big difference.
We can't have the same approach.
Right? So the approach has to has to
shift gears
in terms of how we speak, how we
communicate,
how we interact with them.
It becomes more of a coaching role.
See the difference between a teacher and a
coach.
You can understand the difference. The coach in
sports, for example,
versus a teacher in a classroom, especially for
young children. Right? There's a difference
in how they deal with those under their
care.
Allow them to make some choices. You know?
You can't continue to control
everything.
Gotta start letting go
because you have to prepare our children to
deal with the future,
to be able to fly on their own.
If you continue to control everything,
how are they going to learn how to
fly?
So
allow them to make some choices,
ask for their opinions
on some matters, and respect it. It doesn't
have to be on everything, but some things
where, you know,
that it's not so consequential, do ask for
their advice.
Sometimes, yes, tough love is needed,
and sometimes you have to be a little
sometimes you have to, you know,
take a a slightly, you know,
harder approach,
but then always balance it out with gentle
love as well.
You know, expressions
of love for children are important even when
they are in their teens.
Right? Yes. Of course, you love them, and
that's why you are feeding them and clothing
them and driving them and doing everything for
them, but they need to hear it from
you as well. They need to hear it
from us as parents.
And most importantly, when they do something good,
and this is for all of us,
when we see children and youth doing something
good, let us praise them and encourage them.
Why? Because it will motivate them to do
that.
Right? And not just for our own children,
even here at the Masjid.
Right?
Place. Right? If you see a child, you
see a youth who is doing something
or even if they are trying to do
something good, then take a moment and encourage
them. That was you're doing great.
Great job.
Now I'm proud of youth
like you and so on. You know? Give
them encouragement
because when a purse
you know, that they are appreciated and their
goodness is being noticed, it motivates them
to do better.
And the more negative we are with our
the more they will want to escape and
rebel. Always remember this. The more negative we
are, the more they will want to escape
and
rebel. You think of ourselves? All of us.
But if you're working for someone, do you
want to work for them or be under
them? If they're constantly berating you, they're constantly
shouting at you, they're constantly putting you down,
they're constantly finding your mistakes,
if you do something good, they don't recognize
it.
Do we want to be in that type
of environment?
No
k. So let's try to bring some positivity
in our interactions. Even if we have to
find something small,
even if it's not a big deal, find
something small
Encourage them that encouragement
will help them grow and overcome their weaknesses.
It will help them
overcome the shortcomings that they have.
Number 3, my brothers and sisters,
is trying our best to establish a strong
and stable family life.
There's probably nothing as destructive
to a child and youth's mental health
than a chaotic or a broken home.
Now I know many times this is not
in our control,
but when it is, please
do not create problems in your family
due to petty issues or your own desires.
Right? I'm not at all suggesting that victims
shouldn't get help
in cases of domestic violence, but what I
am suggesting is that the perpetrators
of this type of environment and this type
of violence and those that contributed
to it,
they stop.
If not out of love and concern for
one another, then at least
for the well-being of the children.
Right?
Children and youth, they both need
they need both parents
that are loving and supportive.
This is why Allah has create
a child needs
the mother
and needs the father as well. So try
to spend time together, especially when they're young
and but even when they're older,
opportunities for family quality time together.
Whether it's activities or games or dinners or,
you know, programs or events that you attend.
But as they grow older, also give them
some independence as well.
Boys need positive male role models.
Females girls need positive female role models as
well. And, finally, number 4, my brothers and
sisters, is keep them
keep them busy. Right? As the saying goes,
an empty mind is a devil's workshop.
So most of the trouble starts
when there is too much free time.
Right? So support
building a passion
or interest only early on. Right? Whether it
is attachment with the ideally, that is the
best.
Right? A child who is
attached to the Quran
with the Quran, there can be nothing better
than that.
Right? So whether it is Quran, ideally, or
sports, a certain type of sports,
martial arts, or maybe baking,
or art, or running us a business of
some sort, Whatever it is, try to give
them something to do in their free time.
If they have nothing to do in their
free time, that is when you are setting
them up
trouble.
If there is nothing, then something else will
take its place, and it may not be
positive. Right?
Always try to keep your children
engaged in something.
Know that our wealth and our children are
a trial from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. As
Allah tells us,
that your children
are only a test, but Allah alone has
a great reward.
Our job, my brothers and sisters, is to
try our best.
The worst of the people
that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has guided, and
the best of the people
prophets, alayhi wa sallam, have had children who
have become misguided. So there are no guarantees.
There are no guarantees. I'll tell you right
now. K? There's no guarantee.
We have to try our best.
Most important job is to build a solid
foundation. As a youth worker long ago said,
I heard on the radio, that most youth
will make
most youth will make mistakes and will lose
their way.
But it's the ones that have
that will bounce back once they snap.
And the ones with no foundation will have
nothing to fall back fall back on. So
if you have established the foundation,
yes, it is likely that
your child may, you know, deviate a little
bit. But
once they snap out of it,
then they'll have that foundation to fall back
on.
But if that foundation has not been built,
then there's nothing to fall back on, and
that is when we see that youth go
totally astray.
Try your best to leave for Allah's
hand. Keep making dua because the dua of
the parents
is very powerful after you have made the
effort. We ask Allah to
protect our children, our youth, and all of
our future generations.
Protect
them from all types of trials and tribulations
and challenges.
The best of parents
and the best of supporters
for our future generations.