Sikander Hashmi – Making Good Friends KMA Friday Message
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
Respected elders,
dear brothers and sisters,
my young friends,
We
begin by praising Allah
the Lord of the universe,
our creator,
our designer,
our sustainer,
and we begin
by sending peace and salutations upon his beloved
messenger,
Mohammed, the son of Abdullah.
I hope my brothers and sisters,
my young friends,
that you're all doing well
by the mercy
of Allah
To be honest,
I have been,
missing everyone.
You know, there are,
many people
that we have not seen
in a very long time,
especially,
our elders,
families, you know, who would normally come,
for start with Jummah,
who are perhaps not able to come or
don't feel comfortable coming,
our,
my young friends,
and others,
who are also regulars. You know, we had
a great lineup,
of activities before the pandemic.
Of course, we used to have a large
gathering for Saadu Jumaa.
And also, of course, we have our,
KMA Hikma School, Madina School, which are also
still operating online.
We're not able to offer classes in person,
but you can certainly sign up your children
for online classes,
at hikmaschool.caandthenmadinaschool.ca
as well.
For,
language studies,
Arabic, Urdu,
Islamic studies on Saturdays as well along with
the language, and also for Quran classes Mondays
Wednesday evenings as well through Almadineschool.
So those are still operating online.
I wanna thank, the management,
the brothers and sisters, especially, doctor Nabil, sister
Afreen,
brother Mahmoud, others who are involved with the
schools, for their, for all of their tremendous
efforts, and, of course, all the staff and
teachers.
We also, of course, used to have family
pizza night.
I always wondered whether it was the topic
that brought people in or the pizza, but
it doesn't matter because the whole point was
to get people in.
So it was great to see, many families
joining in for that, which we're not able
to do. I remember last year, here at
this property, our future mission site,
we had a back to school scavenger hunt,
which was, great fun from the lab.
Of course, we're having children circle and strive,
for youth,
and other programming as well like living the
love of the prophet
and, you know, various, events.
So I miss all of those. I miss
everyone who used to attend,
and I, pray ask Allah
to keep you safe.
Keep all of us safe and bring us
back together,
safely and quickly.
Also my special dua, for all the students
who are going back to school or who
are in school now, their families,
all the teachers and staff as well. I
know it's a very,
unsettling time.
It can be.
Some people may be perfectly fine. Others may
be, you know, very anxious and worried,
maybe having challenges in terms of getting back
to the school routine.
So ask Allah to make this easy,
for for everyone involved.
My friends, my brothers and sisters, last week,
we talked about the importance
of good friends
and we discussed the hadith of the prophet
in which he
identified 2 types of friends with the example
of the one who deals with musk,
meaning perfume,
and the other who is a blacksmith. And
we said that there's, you know, nothing wrong
with being a blacksmith. It's just an example
the prophet
is giving when he said that that
the carrier of musk will give you some
or you will buy some or you will
notice a good smell. Meaning that if you
have friends
who are, positive people, who are good people,
who deal in good, who have good character,
it will have an impact on us.
As for the blacksmith, he will burn your
clothes
or you will notice a bad smell. Meaning,
as an example
of bad company,
again, nothing wrong with being a blacksmith, but
being around bad company will have a negative
impact on us.
We also discussed the the hadith of the
prophet
when he said
that that a person is upon
a a a man literally, but generally applies
to both men and women. So a person
is upon the religion,
the creed of his close friend,
or of of of close friendships, close friends.
So beware. We pay attention
to be mindful of who you befriend. And
we said in the end, some action items
last time to do an audit of your
friends
and to, like, you don't have to have
a checklist and a clipboard and, you know,
actually go to them. But, yeah, you know,
you sit down and you you you think
about it that, you know, are they helping
you become better
or are they the type of friends who
discourage you from doing good things? You know,
are they respectful
of your beliefs? Are they helping you get
closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala or to
adopt good virtues,
virtuous traits, or to do good things?
Also to consider is when you get together,
what are the things that you do and
what do you talk about? And are these
things that people don't wanna hear about or
things that you're embarrassed about? And this goes
really for everyone. I mean, it goes equally
for men, equally for women, for youth, for
adults, for children, for everyone. Right? Because, subhanAllah,
nobody is immune from these types of,
challenges and struggles when it comes to company
and friendships.
So adults can have the challenge as well
that, you know, a group of men, a
group of women, when they get together, they
talk about things perhaps, you know, which are
shameful. They talk they talk about things which
are, looked down upon or which are sinful.
You know, that's very, very common, unfortunately.
So think about, you know, what when you
get together with with your group of friends,
men or women or boys, girls, whoever it
is, you know, what do you talk about?
What are the activities that you engage in?
And these friends that you have and what
are they involved in? Right? Are they involved
in things and doing things, having character and
behaviors that you'll be ashamed to tell others
about?
And, also, we we talked about, you know,
to think about how you can encourage your
friends
towards that which is positive and that which
is good and that which is clean. How
can you become a positive influence in your
circle of friends?
Right? So that you don't leave a hole
a vacuum that can be filled in by
someone bringing in negative activities or negative traits.
You know, how can you bring in,
some positivity
and promote goodness within your social circle?
And in the end, we ask this question
that are you you have to ask yourself,
are you going to be happy that you
had these friends in this life? The friends
that you have, are you going to be
happy that you had them on the day
of judgment, or are you going to regret
it and be upset
at them for all the trouble that you
got into when you are around them? On
the day of judgment, will we will you
be among those who will regret having these
friendships? Because at the end of the day,
you know, that is something that is very
possible and will happen to many people. May
Allah
protect us.
Now the question is this. So, okay, we
understand the importance of good friendships.
We understand the importance of of being in
good company. The question is, how do you
make good friends? And this is a question
that often comes up, especially with young people,
but also sometimes adults struggle with it as
well. That how do you make good friends?
Yes. I understand, ma'am, that it is important
that, you know, I need to have good
company, good friends, but how do I go
about doing that? So the first thing I've
gotta say is that today,
there seems to be a focus,
perhaps more so. I guess it always, you
know, has existed.
Probably depends on your age. Right? So there's
studies looking at, you know, that when people
are in their twenties or younger, they're looking
at accumulating friendships and having lots of connections.
Right? And we see that more, like, today
more than ever. Right? You see, okay. You
find someone, you look them up on social
media, say, okay. How many followers do they
have? Right? And supposedly, that's, like, you know,
as if it's supposed to give credibility to
that person. K. How many followers do they
have? You know, how big is their social
circle? Are they are they an influencer and
so on and so forth? So the first
thing I gotta say is that there seems
to be a focus on accumulating friends even
if not not if they're not really friends
or quality friends, Just so that we can
say that we have friends or connections. Of
course, you know, LinkedIn is a little bit
different because it's it's for professionals, it's for
work, and so on. But again, you know,
a lot of times it's about how many
connections, how many people do you have in
your network.
So
that's not to say there's no, benefit. There
may be some benefit of having a larger,
social circle,
when we are younger especially. But the reality
is that the true benefits
of friendship
can actually be actualized
through through a few quality friends. So you
don't have to have
a lot of friends
in order to get the benefits of friendships.
And there are many benefits of having good
friends, and psychologically, you know, mentally, in terms
of your health, even in terms of your
spirituality, you know, good friends can have a
great positive impact.
But you don't have to have a lot
of friends.
You don't have to have a lot of
friends in order to get those benefits. You
can get those benefits from a few quality
friends.
Now it can be challenging
to make friends and, of course, we are
living in exceptional times right now. So not
all of what I'm gonna suggest is gonna
be applicable right now, but it's just for
us to have a plan in our minds
that if you want to, you know, build
good friend friendships,
you know, establish
good friendships and have good friends,
what are some of the things that, we
can do? Some of these things,
you know, maybe little things.
They may be seen as little things, little
tweaks,
that can help us, improve, that can help,
you know, that we can try to do
and they can help us improve, our
chances of making good friends. And the first
thing that comes to mind is the hadith
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. And the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said
that that the believer right? This is something
very, very interesting that the prophet has said
with regards to the character, the attitude,
the demeanor of a believer. And he said
that the believer is likable, right, or sociable,
easily approachable,
and pleasant when approaching others. Right? Rasul Islam
is giving us what? Characteristics of the believers.
Right? Like, if you're believers,
we're believers. This is something that we wanna
adopt in our lives in terms of our
attitude and how we deal with people, our
character. So the believer is likable, sociable,
easily approachable, pleasant when approaching others.
And there is no good, the prophet said.
Right? And there is no good in one
who is difficult to approach and harsh with
others.
There is no good in one who is
difficult to approach and
is harsh with others.
And the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam ended the
statement by saying, and the best of the
people are those who are most beneficial
to people. Now, of course, when we are
trying to benefit others, when we are having
good character traits, it should be sincerely for
the sake of Allah
acting upon the sunnah of the prophet
because indeed, this was the character of the
prophet
Right? So the prophet
been given the best of characters by Allah
Right? The prophet was given the best of
characteristics and traits, those that we should try
to emulate. And amongst them was this fact
that he was likable, easily approachable.
Like, you know, you hear,
you read narrations about, you know, little girls
in Medina. You know, children who will come
and hold the hand of the prophet and
take them for a tour of the city.
You're talking about who? The prophet of Allah
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. He's got tons of
things to do. He's a busy person. Right?
But the child comes and wants to take
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, oh, I
wanna show you something. Go come. You know?
And he goes.
He's busy. He's walking and elderly woman comes
and stops him to talk to him. You
know? He's busy.
You know? You think of leader, you think
of prime minister, you think of someone who's
going to a meeting that's going to the
you know, his part has a busy schedule,
but someone comes and wants to talk and
he stops, and he gives her the time.
Yeah. Gives her the time that she needs.
So being likable, easily approachable, sociable, pleasant when
approaching others,
not being harsh with others. Right? So having,
an an attitude which is based on pleasantness,
kindness, politeness,
because the reality is that hearts are not
inclined towards people who are rude and harsh.
You think about yourself. Do you want to
become friends?
Do you want to get close to someone
who is rude and harsh? Most likely not.
Unless you see that rudeness and harshness as,
like, some sort of symbol of, I don't
know, power, authority, or something. Right? But most
likely, chances are that you don't want to
be in the company of people who are
rude and harsh.
Right? Unless, like like I said, it's, like,
part of a gang or something or seem
like something that's, you know, very positive. But
overall, generally, right, most fair minded people will
not want to be in the company of
such people. Right? So be like the person
in whose company you would like you would
want to be.
So having a pleasant attitude and demeanor, smiling.
Right? Okay. Of course, we're making very small,
so it's hard to tell. You know, I'm
smiling right now. But,
you know, smiling, smiling regularly, smiling when you
approach strangers, when you smiling when you approach
friends.
We know that this is also a sign
of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. We
have multiple companions, you know, who talk about
how they would approach the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, and he would always have a
smile. He would always or Hallease would always
greet them with a smile. Right? And we
know that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam has
talked about how it is also an act
of charity.
Right? Not to look down upon any act
no matter how small it is even if
it is meeting with your brother with a
cheerful face. Right? With a pleasant demeanor. So
have being pleasant
and being, you know, positive in terms of
our demeanor and the way we deal with
people to be easygoing. These are all things
which are from the sunnah of the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam to be genuinely likable.
Why do I say genuinely? Because people do
things to become likable, but they're not genuine.
Who doesn't wanna be liked? Everyone likes to
be liked. You like to be liked.
Right? Post the photo and see how many
people liked it. How many people do that?
It's true. Right? So everyone likes to be
liked.
Right? Nobody wants to be disliked. People like
to be liked.
But
the behavior often comes
with doing things which are fake.
What does it end up with? Things with
the which are fake, which are not genuine
in order to
be liked.
But that doesn't work. K? Because at the
end of the day, people are able to
see who who you really are.
Okay? Your words, your actions,
your character, even if you're hiding it from
some people, you know, at the end of
the day, it comes through. Okay? So being
genuinely
likable,
being a genuinely helpful and compassionate person,
you know, being just generally having a positive
attitude, this is something that can actually go
a long way in opening doors
to positive and long lasting friendships.
So that's the first thing.
The next question
is, you know, what type of friends do
you actually want?
And off that question, you can then ask
yourself, where are those people found?
Okay. So the types of friends that you
want, you know, you sort of imagine what
type of characteristics you would like, what type
of person, you know, you would like to
be friends with, and then try to find
where those people would be found.
Okay? And you can think of collective activities.
Now, of course, this is the part that,
you know, may not really apply in the
pandemic because there's a lot of activities that
are canceled or they're not being held, in
person.
But, you know, in normal times, the best
place to start is from your masjid.
The best place to start is from your
masjid. Because if you want friends who are
gonna bring you closer to Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala,
you know, these people are most likely to
be found where?
Where are you likely to find people who
are gonna who are who are gonna be
genuine and gonna be helping, you know, or
more likely to help you get closer to
Allah Now does that mean everyone who comes
to the masjid is perfect? Well, of course
not.
Okay? The host are angels here. Okay? We're
not leaving the Jannah of Malaika.
They're perfectly good to be here. So, of
course, people come to the masjid will have
shortcomings. Sometimes they will they may do things
which are wrong or, you know, which turn
us off and so on and so forth.
So that's possible. But overall, if you're looking
for people of taqwa, you're looking for people
who are going to be positive, people who
love the sunnah of the prophet,
people who love Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, most
likely they're to be found in the masjid.
So start with the masjid, you know, for
students in university,
college, perhaps even some high schools, you know,
start with the MSA because it shows you
that those are people that are more likely
to be inclined. Doesn't have to be always
the case, like I said, but who are
more likely to be inclined towards things which
really matter, which are very positive.
Then, of course, you know,
common interest. Right? This goes without saying. So
if you have some yeah. The more interest
you share with someone, the more likely it
is that you may be able to, you
know, develop a friendship with them. So whether
it's school,
the same school, same types of activities you're
interested in. You know, I often tell tell,
students
in school, okay, you pay attention
to well, so actually, this is something I
do. Right? So when I go into a
new class that I'm studying in student for
life. Right? You're studying from time to time.
So I like to go in and just
examine the room.
Like to go in, I'm the type of
person everyone's different. You don't have to do
this. But one technique I do is I'll
go back and sit at the back of
the room and just examine everything.
Right? And just see, okay, what are the
dynamics?
Who's,
you know, talking to who? What's happening? Who's
taking the lead? Who's, you know so just
sort of examine and just take stock of
everyone that's around.
And then from there, you know, figure out,
okay, who are the people who are, you
know, who are likely to have similar interests,
who, you know, maybe think similarly, or who,
you know, who have things,
in common.
So school,
you know, extracurricular
activities, things like that, you know, people who
have similar interest in studies,
sports. Right? People who are interested in the
same sports, same types of activities. So common
interest, but, of course, those that are based
on VIN,
based on taqwa, those are the best.
Right? Let's say you don't have any of
these. Okay. Well, there's other options. Maybe starting
a book club or, I don't know, going
with his brothers, Masha Allah, who go biking
together. You know, they have a thing going
where to go or they do mountain biking
and so on. You know, people who go
hiking,
Families who are, you know, homeschooling.
People who volunteer.
Right? They volunteer for a cause and they
meet people who also care about others, who
are also merciful and compassionate towards others,
because, you know, you you have to have
a certain level of humility in order to
volunteer.
Right? Unless you're doing the 40 hours because
you have to graduate from high school and
you have no other choice. Okay? You sort
of forced to do it. Right? But, otherwise,
if someone is voluntarily actually going out and
volunteering
voluntarily volunteering,
then,
you know, most chances are that they have
a certain level of humility. Right? That they're
actually putting themselves out there.
If they're generally doing that for, like, without
any other, you know, interest or reason that
they're doing it for. Or, you know, even
tutoring or helping others. Right? If you have
some skills, some,
you know, some some knowledge that Allah has
blessed you with and helping others. Right? People
who are in your class, you know, people
who are, who are in in need of
some help, you know, helping them and being
there for them. Now let's say that, you
know, you've tried these different things and we
have to say, of course, that you make
dua. Right? The most important thing that we
every action should be backed up with for
us as believers is dua. So ask Allah
for
good friends. Ask Allah
for good company and asking Allah to protect
us from harmful friends.
And that's important because, you know,
you may realize that even though you are
trying to make friends, you're trying to do
the things that we're discussing, and perhaps there's
some better ideas that the others have or
that you read about,
you know, let's say you're still not able
to make friends or you still find it
very, very challenging. And I know it's not
easy. It can be very hard, you know,
especially if you live in a small town,
you live in a place where there's very
few people who are like minded.
It can be challenging. So just realize that
at some points in our life,
in some points in our lives, it might
actually be better for us to have no
friends
because perhaps the ones that we would end
up having
would be harmful and negative, and there's there's
no shortage of stories of of of people
who pretend to be friends, who have bad
intentions, you know, who are trying to take
advantage of others.
You know, I heard a very, very you
know, one very tragic story. You know, a
woman who who who became friends with someone
who she thought was a good friend,
divulged secrets,
you know, about her family life, and then
essentially was being blackmailed.
Right? Was essentially being blackmailed because she feared
that that those secrets would be exposed.
Right? So be very, very careful about what
you share.
Be you know, there are some things, especially
for those who are adults, but even for
teens as well, there's some things that should
never be shared with anyone. Right? Unless you're
dealing with a therapist or counselor or, like,
you know, imam or someone that you're you
know, that you really need help from. Right?
So be judicious about who becomes your friend
but also what you share with your friends.
So there are people, unfortunately, who have bad
intentions, who are trying to, you know, blackmail
others, who are perhaps taking or blackmail us,
who are trying to take advantage of us,
of our kindness, of our wealth, of our
expertise,
you know, who are jealous and who are
trying to harm us. And again, you know,
thinking about these things, we might get worried,
but at the end of the day, Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala is a protector and that
is why we always make the especially recite,
you know, all with the things so it's
a pull up so that's a mask. Ask
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for his, protection. But
the point is that sometimes it might actually
be in our, best interest not to have
any friends because perhaps the ones we would
have had would end up harming us. It
would be negative for us. And Allah tells
us in the Quran.
Their close friends will be enemies to one
another on that day.
Allah is talking about the hereafter, the day
of judgement. Close friends.
Right? Close friendships, close friends.
They'll be enemies.
Right?
Right? We'll be enemies to one another on
that day.
Except the righteous.
Right? So if we make friends that are
not righteous, it may end up being a
short lived friendship. Right? It may be short
lived in this world,
and even if it lasts in this world,
it likely will not last in the hereafter.
Right? So, therefore,
the best friends will be those who are
amazing friends in this world
and were who are have the potential to
be amazing friends in the hereafter
as well. We find, a, a saying in
the books of the Seer,
the authenticity of Allah was best. But essentially,
that
right? That who should be your friend? Who
deserves to be your friend? So, basically, the
one who reminds you of Allah
when you see him
or when you see that person. When you
see that person,
they remind you of Allah
And
they add to your knowledge when they speak.
Because you see a person, they remind you
of Allah. When they speak,
they increase you in
knowledge.
Well, and they remind you of the hereafter
when they act. Right? So everything about
this person, right, this type of person is
that they're constantly
connecting you or reminding you of your relationship
with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So this is
ideally, you know, the type of person that
we should be or the types of people
we should be aiming to be with.
Again, no one's gonna be perfect. There's no
angels in this world amongst us. So human
beings will always have some shortcomings.
But in terms of the ideal qualities we're
trying to look for, the people that we
choose to spend our time with and that
we become friends with is that they remind
us of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala when we
see them. They add to our knowledge when
they speak, and they remind you us of
the hereafter
when they act. Right? So they are focused
on Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. They are genuine
people, and we, being in their company, can
get inspired by them to also become better,
to learn something good, and to be reminded
of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and our relationship
with him. We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
to grant us all the best of friends
and company in this world and the hereafter.
Ask Allah
to protect us from every form of evil
and harmful friendship and company in this world
and the hereafter. I mean, you're but I
mean, we have, some,
pieces of sad news, today,
in in the past few days. So first
of all,
the mother of our brother, Rahil Rafiya, passed
away in the UK.
And locally as well.
Our elder sister pioneer in the Muslim community,
with many contributions in many ways. Sister Khadija
Hafigi was also quite close to us as
well, has passed away as well.
And also, we have a couple of, you
know, individuals in our community at least who
are recovering from,
major surgeries. Brother Farooq,
wife of our brother Jafar.
So, inshallah, let us meet god for all
of them.
Oh, Allah. Oh, Allah. Please shower in shower
your mercy and your forgiveness
upon our our sisters, our brothers, everyone who
has passed away and returned to
you. Oh, Allah. Please increase them in rank.
Oh, Allah. Please accept all of their contributions
and their good deeds. Oh, Allah. Please forgive
them for their mistakes and their shortcomings.
Oh, Allah, please grant them the best place
for those. Oh, Allah, please grant us all
a good return to you as well. Oh,
Allah, please grant us a return with your
name on our lips.
Oh, Allah, please unite us with our loved
ones who have passed, with all of our
brothers and sisters who have returned to you
in the best place in Jannah, You Rabbi
Alameen. Oh, Allah, please cure all of our
brothers and sisters who are ill, oh, Allah,
especially our elder sister who's suffering from much
pain and illness. Hola, we have our brother
and our sister locally who are suffering from
long term pain and pain and injuries and
constant struggles. Hola, our brother Farooq,
our sister's wife and brother Ja'far, both of
them who are recovering from major surgeries, our
sister who is suffering from cancer, our brother
who has unexplained systems, our friends and relatives
the symptoms, our friends and relatives who are
diagnosed with COVID 19, and all of those
who are ill or are at risk of
becoming ill. You are
the protector and you are the healer.
Oh, Allah, you are the shafi, oh, Allah,
phantom speedy recovery, you Allah. Oh, Allah. Please
protect them from all types of illness and
pain, Yet, and suffering, You Allah. And grant
them state of peace and recovery, You Rabba
Alameen. Oh, Allah. Please grant relief to all
of those who are in pain or in
grief, stress, anxiety,
physical, mental of any kind. All of these
replace all that with happiness and joy.
Brothers and sisters. For those at home, please
pray for the cause of buhre. If you
have registered for Friday prayer, please come at
your allotted time. Inshallah, tonight we'll be having
a very important discussion online, of course,
on navigating school during the pandemic.
Inshallah, you'll have a medical expert, along with,
school principal, inshallah, to discuss this. 7:30 PM
tonight, inshallah, [email protected]/live,
and also on our Facebook and YouTube channels
at kanadamustums, inshallah.
So please do join us for that.