Sikander Hashmi – Healthy Friendships KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
Your brothers and sisters,
my young friends,
I hope and pray to Allah
that you and your families
are all doing well by his mercy and
his grace.
May Allah
keep you all safe
and happy
and in peace with Iman
in this world and safe in the next.
Now, of course,
it is back to school season. And one
of the things
that many of my young friends are looking
forward to
when they go back to school
is to meet their friends
or perhaps to make new friends.
Now, of course, for adults as well,
the lifting
of pandemic restrictions means
that it has become easier for us to
get back
with our friends as well. So today, my
brothers and sisters, I'd like you to think
about friendship.
Now each person
has
a different story.
About their friends.
Or lack of friends. Right? And for the
adults,
I'm sure you can think
back, you know, to your friends that you've
had since you were young.
Through your school years, your
college university years, your adolescence,
up until now.
And, of course, from my young friends, this
is something which is probably very much
on your minds right now as you think
about back to school and you think about
who you're going to be with, especially if
you're changing schools,
going to a new school.
Now friendships
are important.
They are important for our mental wellness
because Allah
has created us as social creatures.
Allah
has created us as social creatures. Right? Like
he didn't put us each on our own
planet
to live alone. If Allah wanted to, he
could have done that. He could have put
us on
each of us in our own little planet
or own little island to survive on our
own. But, no, Allah
has made us a part of families.
Allah
has made us social beings so that we
like to meet others,
and we actually not just like to, but
we need
others in our lives. And in our deen,
as we have discussed before, our religion is
a communal religion.
We are encouraged
to
have the sense of brotherhood and sisterhood,
to come to the masjid, to meet others,
to have positive interactions, to care for others,
to be there for others, and, of course,
that means that people are there for us
as well.
So friendships are important for us in many
ways, including for our mental wellness.
However, they can impact us more than we
realize.
Your friends
have the potential to impact you
in ways
which are much greater,
much more serious
than what you may realize,
to the point that our friends can impact
our spiritual wellness as well. What can they
do?
Our friends can impact our spiritual wellness as
well. The prophet
has famously
said that
That a man, a person is upon
the religion of his close friend. So beware
whom you befriend.
So what? So beware.
Pay attention
to whom you befriend.
This means
that close friends
Right? Because the word here used here is
right? Which is an intimate friend, a very
close friend.
So this means that close friends can have
such a great impact on us,
such a great impact on us that their
faith, their spirituality,
their religion
can impact
our religion
and our spirituality.
And that is why we need to be
very careful.
Why? Because religion and spirituality
are critically important.
Because they have to do with our relationship
with Allah.
And our relationship with Allah
has to ultimately
has to do ultimately with
how
we are treated
or what experience we go through
at the time of our departure from this
dunya,
and the experience that we go through
in our graves,
and the experience,
the welcome, or the state our state
on the day of judgment,
and where we end up in the hereafter.
All of those things
have to do with our relationship with
Allah and those things are serious things.
That is a matter which is eternal,
meaning our state in the hereafter. That is
something which can be eternal
and very, very serious. So, therefore,
we know that our relationship with Allah
matters,
and our relationship
with Allah
is a part of
religion and spirituality.
And, therefore,
this is something which is critically important.
Now the best friends
the best friends
will be those
who are amazing friends in this world
and in the hereafter
and in the.
So if you have a friend, you think
of your friends. Which of those friends are
amazing friends in this,
but also have the potential to be amazing
friends in the hereafter?
Right? We learn, it is reported,
that
the the the the ideal friend
is
The one who reminds you of Allah
when you see them.
And adds to your knowledge
when he speaks or when she speaks.
So he reminds you of Allah when you
see them. And when they speak, they add
to your knowledge.
And reminds you of the hereafter
through their actions when they act.
Right? So this is the ideal type of
friend. Now,
of course,
this is the type of friend that we
want, and this is the type
of friend that we want to be for
others, ideally. This is what we're aiming for.
This is the type of friendship that we
want. That
when people see us
or when we see them,
we remind them of Allah
And we add to knowledge of others, of
our friends when we speak.
And when we act, our friends are reminded
of the hereafter.
Right? This is the ideal scenario.
Now,
I have to say, I've seen many
of our youth,
especially recently,
who have been hanging out together at night.
Right? They're driving in here at night, and
they're coming to the Masjid.
Masjid.
And they're spending time here in the Masjid.
They're chilling. They're hanging out together.
Okay? But they're also offering their salah.
They're also coming in and reviewing their Quran
together.
And when I see this, it really warms
my heart.
May Allah
continue to grant them.
May Allah
continue to guide them.
Right? Because when we have youth like that
in our communities, in our ummah,
then we can be assured.
Right? We can have some confidence with regards
to our future.
Because as I've said many times before, right,
of course, I'm not gonna be around forever.
Right? The elders,
preserve
everyone. Right? But we're not gonna be here
forever. This masjid, this community, this is gonna
be in the hands of our youth, our
future generations, our children, our grandchildren.
Right? So we want our children and our
grandchildren, both boys and girls, male and female,
to be
people who love Allah
who value the sunnah of Rasulullah
who care for each other, who care for
this deen, but also care for humanity,
and that they are connected with Allah
Because they will be the ones who will
be spiritually empowered,
and guided by Allah
to take the right steps
and to guide us through
the challenges
that
this
will be facing
in the future. May Allah
protect us all.
Now, similarly, there are adults who are They
are walking together to the masjid.
They are, you know, chatting along the way.
They are giving good company to each other,
people who live in the neighborhood.
And I want to mention that our place,
this masjid, is always open
for everyone. Right? Including for our sisters
and for girls. So come to the masjid.
Plan your activities around the masjid.
Right? Gather in the masjid, perhaps, and then
go for your activity, whatever you would like
to do together. Right? But make the masjid
a part of your life,
not just personally or your family life, but
also part of your social life as well.
Make it a part of your social life
as well so that you,
not just yourself, but your friends, the entire
group is connected with Allah
Now sometimes, of course, it might be difficult
for us to find such friends.
Then at the very least,
aim for friends
who don't take you away from Allah
Aim for friends who don't take you away
from Allah
That one of the, the golden rules
of healthy friendship
is to have friends who respect our choices.
One of the golden rules of healthy friendships
is to have friends
who respect us and respect
our choices.
Now if a person claims to be your
friend, they say I am your friend. They
are acting friendly with you. They are acting
close with you,
but they don't respect who you are.
They don't respect where you're from. They don't
respect your culture. They don't respect your choices,
your religion, your faith, your spirituality.
Then you have to ask yourself that, is
this person really a friend or not?
Is this person really a friend or not,
or are they actually just using me?
Is that what a friend is supposed to
be like?
A person who doesn't respect who I am,
doesn't respect my culture, my family, my faith,
my spirituality, my choices, and who I am
as a person.
It may also be a good idea to
have levels
or categories of friends,
those who are very close,
which will likely be a few,
and you will be very selective and very
judicious about who you allow to get so
close to you. Meaning,
close in terms of sharing,
you know, secrets and sharing things that you
are experiencing and that you're living through. Right?
Because you have to be careful. Sometimes you
tell people something, and then they turn against
you, and they use it against you, or,
you know, they blackmail you. Different types of
things that happen. Right? So
there are a few that are the closest
to us.
And then
some, perhaps, or more that we are on
friendly terms with, and we may even consider
to be our friends.
But we don't share absolutely everything with everything
with them,
and we don't try to become like them
and try to do everything that they are
doing. So we have,
you know, circles around us, some that are
close,
and then slowly, slowly,
those who we are on friendly terms with,
but maybe not that close.
And when it comes to our friends,
my brothers and sisters and my young friends,
pay attention.
Pay attention to the character of your friends
or those claiming to be your friends.
Pay attention to their language.
How do they speak?
What do they talk about?
Is it dignified?
Is it respectful?
Is it shameful?
Pay attention to their actions.
Are their actions haram?
Are their actions disgraceful?
Or displeasing to Allah
or illegal?
Right? Or are they just wrong?
Right? How are they? Especially for children, how
are they with their parents? How do they
speak about their parents?
Do they use bad language for their parents?
Are they lying to their parents and to
others? Right? So these are the things that
we want to be looking out for.
Now there are many types of friends that
are mentioned in the Quran,
and there are subtle differences between them all.
So for example, the
The who is the freeloader friend.
The freeloader friend who is with you
when things are good, when they are getting
benefit.
Right? When you're chilling, when you're enjoying.
But when you need help, when trouble strikes,
they're the first ones to ditch you. They're
the deserter.
Right? And there's gonna be many people like
this in the world. Okay? So be very
careful.
Be very careful that your friend is not
one who is from the.
And then another type of friend we find
is the. Right? The protective friend. The one
who's always got your back.
Right? So there's different categories, different types of
friends.
One of the worst types is mentioned and
these are just a couple of examples. One
of the worst types that is mentioned in
Surat al Safaat.
Allah
gives the description in the hereafter, in the
He's describing the enjoyment and the state
of the sincere
servants of Allah
and they are sitting in Jannah.
They are sitting in Jannah and they are
discussing.
And one of them will say,
That verily, I had a companion in the
world.
There was a companion I had.
Who used to say, are you among those
who bear witness to the truth of the
message?
Do you bear witness to the truth that,
you know, to this message that when we
die and become dust and bones, that we
shall be raised once again to be rewarded
or to be punished according to our deeds.
You actually believe in this that, you know,
once we die, we're gonna become alive again.
You know? So sowing doubts.
He's not asking sincerely, but he's actually sowing
doubts. You know? He's asking, you know, in
a in a negative way, that you actually
believe in all that.
So the speaker will say, So
he says to the people he's talking to
in Jannah, will you look down?
So he looked down.
He looks down and he sees him, that
friend, in the midst of the jahim of
the now.
And he says,
By Allah,
you have nearly ruined me. You almost ruined
me.
Had it not been for the grace
of my rub of my lord,
I too would have certainly been among those
brought to the state,
brought to the nar, to the jahim.
So this is also a type of friend,
and this is the worst of the friends.
Right? But here in this case, Allah
It was the grace of Allah
the grace, the nam of Allah
that guided this person
away from falling into this trap.
Right? But there are people like that as
well who will be claimed to be friends,
but then will be sowing doubts
and will be trying to influence
a person's
faith and spirituality. Allah
tells us,
That close friends will be enemies to one
another on that day, except
except the righteous. So all the friendships of
this world will go away on the day
of judgment.
They will fall by the wayside. They're not
gonna matter anymore.
Except those
that were righteous, except those that were based
upon.
Now sometimes my brothers and sisters,
there may be friends,
people,
especially in our community, especially children and youth,
who have made some bad choices in the
past. And the reality is, who hasn't made
bad choices in the past? Every single person
has made
some choices which they regret afterwards.
So we have to be careful not to
shun them
and give them an opportunity to improve.
Because to is to human.
To is human. To make mistakes
is part of being human. And Allah
is the most forgiving. So we should not,
you know, hold it against the person if
they are repentant
and if they are trying. Because what we
find is sometimes people get shunned.
Nobody wants to talk to them anymore, right,
especially in younger people.
Now this person has a bad reputation. Okay.
Yes.
That does matter to a certain extent.
Right? But perhaps
people have moved on. You know, a few
years have passed. But someone did when they
were much younger, in their childhood, in their
early teens, we shouldn't hold it against them.
Once they have moved beyond that point, at
least give them a chance. So when they
are making the bad choices, of course, we
need to be careful not to get influenced
by those bad actions or those bad choices
that they're making.
But we should also continue to try to
reach out to them to help them improve
and support them,
to get them back on the right track,
you know, without judging them, without making them
feel bad, while protecting ourselves from becoming influenced.
So, yes, on the one hand, we want
to be with good people. We want to
be with good friends
because we don't wanna be influenced by those
who are making bad choices. But at the
same time, we also want to leave the
door open to help those who have made
bad choices,
to help them come on to the straight
path once again. And this is a responsibility
that we have towards each other as brothers
and sisters. So
my friends,
I encourage you. Do an audit of your
friends.
Are they helping you become better? Or are
they the type of friends that discourage you
from good things?
Right? Which way are your friends influencing you?
Are they respectful of your choices and your
beliefs?
When you get together,
what are the things that you do? What
do you talk about?
Are they things that people don't wanna hear?
And is that
the right crowd to be in or the
right people to be be with?
What are the things that they're involved in?
Right? Are they are these things that they're
involved in? Are you ashamed of telling others?
Especially teachers and parents.
How can you encourage your friends towards
positive and good and clean
things and conversations?
And in the end, are you going to
be happy?
Are you going to be happy that you
had these friends in this life?
Are you going to be satisfied
on
on the day of judgment that you had
these friends in your life?
Or are you going to regret it and
be upset at them for all the trouble
that they got you into when you were
around them?
We ask
Allah to grant us all the best of
friends and company in this world and the
hereafter. We ask Allah
to protect us all from every form of
evil and harmful friendship and company. I mean,
They have some sad news of the passing
of the elder brother,
brother Habib al Rahman. Brother Motihir Rahman has
passed away in Bangladesh
in So make dua for him and all
of those who have passed away.
May
Allah shower his mercy and forgiveness upon them.
May Allah
elevate their ranks. May Allah
grant patience to all loved ones
who are grieving at this time. May also
have request for dua.
May I ask Allah
to grant
complete recovery and cure to all of our
brothers and sisters who are ill, especially our
brother brother, brothers and sisters who are battling
cancer,
brother Saud Alam, brother Mobeen Sayed,
and sister as well was requested for Dua,
and others as well. Ask Allah
to cure all of our brothers and sisters
who are suffering, whether they are suffering physically
or mentally or spiritually or emotionally.
May Allah
grant them relief and grant them peace and
happiness.
I
mean tonight, we have, this evening, we have,
foodie Friday barbecue from 6 PM to 7:30
PM.
Please place your orders online at canadamuslims.ca/food.
The deadline was 1 PM, but we've extended
that. So please do that as soon as
possible.
And secondly, as you know, the election campaign
is coming up.
And, this week, we're, pleased to welcome,
Melissa Conrad, who's the candidate for the, NDP
here in Canada Carleton.
So she is outside.
Sudou, please, say hi to her and speak
to her if you get a chance, after
the.