Sikander Hashmi – Family Purpose KMA Friday Message
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AI: Transcript ©
People are amazed
when they see
an amazing piece of work,
whether, you know, it's art
or a piece of writing
or a machinery,
we tend to be impressed and
we praise
the creator and the inventor. You know? That's
why people will go to art galleries. They'll
go to museums. They'll see new things, they'll
come across new, you know, pieces of technology,
and they'll be impressed. And when they're impressed,
they praise the creator and they praise the
inventor.
So my brothers and sisters, when we pay
attention
to nature
and when we pay attention to the beautiful
creation of Allah
and the heavens and the earth and everything
that they contain,
how can we not be amazed
and not praise
the designer and the creator My
My brothers and sisters, we expect
that every
good designer,
every good composer,
every good creator
will not produce anything without a purpose.
Right? We know this that if someone is
a good at design, if they are good
at what they do, they're not gonna do
something unnecessarily. They're not going to, you know,
put in something that has no purpose because
that goes against,
you know, what we consider
to be optimal and what we consider to
be efficient
and being inefficient
and doing things which are unnecessary and which
are not optimal
that does not fit with the definition or
our understanding
of a good creator, a good designer. Allah
is indeed greater than all of them.
Allah
is the most knowledgeable.
Allah
is the most wise.
He says,
did you then think that we had created
you without a purpose and that you would
not be returned
to us.
Allah
says, we have not created
the heavens and the earth
and everything in between without purpose.
Right? So the heavens, the earth and everything
in between. Wa Ta'ala says we have not
created it without purpose
as the disbelievers think.
So a person who thinks, who has this
misunderstanding
that Allah
has created things
without any purpose.
This is one of their misunderstandings
and this makes them in line with the
belief of those who disbelieve in Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala and who who think that all
of this and every the the heavens and
the earth and everything that it contained in
between that they have been created for no
purpose and it's just, you know, it just
happens to be there. And you know, it
may or may not serve a purpose. That
is not the attitude of the believers.
We know every single thing Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala has made. Every one
of the creation of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
has a purpose
including each one of us.
Right? Every
single creation
no matter how large or small serves a
purpose.
And by the way, this also includes
the way
the creation has been designed by Allah
So the way we have been created
and all of the guidance of Allah
as well.
Allah is beyond
doing anything without a purpose. So every single
thing
has wisdom behind it and every single
thing has a purpose behind it. Today, I'd
like to spend a few moments to reflect
on human desires
and marriage and family as it relates to
purpose.
When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala designed
and created
the human being,
he also created
mechanisms
and systems
for the survival of the human being and
also for the well-being, to preserve the well-being
of the human being. Allah created
Adam alaihis salam.
And then he created his wife Hawa
alaihis salam
To be with him together.
Through the trial that he went through.
Right. So this happened early on.
Early on,
Sayna Adam Alaihi Salam. You know, like he
didn't spend too much time alone. Right? He
was given
his spouse by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. And
this is significant because
it shows, right, the fact that they went
through the trial together
shows
that males and females
are to complement one another,
not to compete.
Right? Adam and Hawa, Alaihi Musaam,
they weren't trying to, you know, try to
outdo one another.
They weren't trying to defeat one another, but
rather they were working as a team
for a common purpose.
Right? They weren't there to prove which one
was better or, you know, to try to
to compete and see which one wins and
who loses. That wasn't what they were doing.
Allah
put them there so that they can compliment
one another.
And together,
they contributed to the continuation
of the human race.
Right? And otherwise, humanity would be extinct.
To facilitate this, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
has put desires and attractions in males and
females
and created love.
And if his signs is that he created
for you from yourselves,
mates,
that you may find tranquility in them.
And he placed between you affection and mercy.
Indeed in that are signs for a people
who give thought. So Allah
created,
you know, this process
and has offered,
you know, an incentive
for marriage
on top of the rewards and the rational
case
for procreation.
Right? Allah
has made this as part of the system.
So the institution
of marriage has been established
as a mechanism for channeling
that love, that desire,
and that attraction that Allah
has naturally put in. This is all by
design.
This is all by design.
Right? Human beings
need to procreate in order to ensure that
humanity does not become extinct.
And Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala as part of
that mechanism has put in this desire and
attraction
and this love, right, and has provided an
avenue, a channel for that, right, which will
lead to the desired outcome. Now marriage, of
course, requires commitment.
And what does commitment do? Because sometimes people
wonder, well, what's the purpose of marriage anymore?
You know, why can't we just decide?
You know, like a lot of people in
society will say this today, right? Why do
we have to go through these
formalities?
Why can't we just live common law? Right?
We have understanding, we love one another, why
can't we just live together? Right? So Allah
has mandated marriage
which requires commitment,
which is something which is sacred,
something which is valuable and which is important,
which safeguards
relationship
and lineage
and makes rights and responsibilities
clear and protected.
Right? So there's a purpose, there's great divine
wisdom
behind the institution of marriage so that it
is not left open
that anyone can come and go at any
time without any rules or regulations.
Right? And if you think of marriage, Islamically,
it's so simple.
Like really, it's literally so simple, you know.
But there's a purpose behind it. Right? So
for someone to say, oh, why is it
so complicated? It's not complicated.
Right? Like you don't even need an imam
to officiate a literally, like really. You know,
you literally have
hijab and kabul, you have a proposal and
acceptance in front of, you know, the required
witnesses
and khalas. That's it. Right? And the very
minimum is 2 witnesses.
Right?
That's it. Right? And you have a mark
of a gift. Right? Which could be really
any amount and then a guy has done.
Right? So it's not something which is complicated
but has been mandated by Allah Subhanahu wa
ta'ala. Why? Because it comes with the stipulations.
It comes with its duties. It comes with
its responsibilities,
and it establishes
something which is sacred and which is divinely
mandated. Now the method even,
even the method of procreating
has been made relatively difficult
so that it is not possible to procreate
for human beings to procreate randomly and accidentally
with incidental contact.
Right? Think about that for a moment.
This is the wisdom and the design of
Allah
Right? Imagine if it was really simple, you
know, as simple as, I don't know, touching
someone or like, I don't know, you know,
taking a drink of something or eating something.
There would be chaos.
There would be chaos because it would be
so easy for somebody,
for 2 individuals
to become parents. But Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
has made it difficult, right? Has put in
obstacles
so that it's something which really, you know,
cannot be done by mistake, which cannot be
done just incidentally or randomly.
Right? But a person will have to go
through certain steps and realize that they're actually
taking a major step when they decide to
go ahead.
Thus, the prophet
encouraged marriage
and
then having children as well.
Right? So this whole idea of, you know,
we don't wanna have children or like children
are burden or whatever.
These are not Islamic concepts.
Okay?
These are not Islamic concepts.
Islam is pro marriage and pro children, not
just pro marriage for the sake of having
fun. Okay?
Yes, you can have fun with your halal
wife, with your halal husband, okay? With your
halal spouse. But that's not
the entire purpose of why Allah
has created this institution,
and why He has created us in this
way with this desire, with this attraction, with
this love. That's not the purpose that you
just have a good time,
right? So pro marriage and pro children. Allah
then put love and mercy and compassion in
the hearts of women
and gave them the desire and the strength
for childbirth. Right? To bear the pain of
childbirth, which, you know, they did like this
experiment where they try to make a man
go through, you know, feel the pain of
what a woman would feel during childbirth. Man,
it's hard.
Right? Like it's
has given that stamina and that strength
to females, to women,
so that they have the capacity to give
birth. And they have the love, the the
the and the the mercy and the nurturing,
tendencies
that are required
to take care of
a newborn,
to take care of a young child. This
again is by design from Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala.
And then he
outlawed extramarital relationships,
right? Any relationship outside of marriage,
right? If anyone and everyone can have a
relationship with each other, what happens? It leads
to
children being raised without fathers,
right? And both parents are needed for a
healthy upbringing.
This is a known fact. There's tons of
research on this.
Single mothers,
you know, struggling with the load of raising
children and running households. Right? We see that
sadly today.
Right? And then the harms, the spin off
harms of that.
Right? Plus, you know, the spread of STDs
and all these other types of harms and
diseases and stuff.
All as a result
of not
valuing the institution of marriage
and having extra marital relationships.
Right? So desires,
attraction,
the need for love, they lead to marriage.
And marriage leads to the establishment of families.
And the family provides for economic security.
Family provides for moral, social, and emotional security.
It leads to integration and cohesion
amongst the relations.
The weak, the ill, the elderly
have someone to look out for them. Someone
who loves them. Someone who cares for them
without families. And again, sadly, we see this
today. People are often alone.
They're struggling with a very little support.
You know, it's so bad
that
sadly, even though we spoke against it, you
know, assisted suicide has become legal in this
country.
Right? They call it medically, you know, medical
aid in in dying or medical assistance in
dying made. It is what it's called. That's
the acronym.
But the reality is
is that people
who
don't even really fall into the criteria are
now contemplating death because
they're alone, they don't have any support, they're
in pain,
they have struggles,
they can't feed themselves, they can't pay their
rent. So now they're thinking well maybe we
should just end our lives and going finding
a loophole and and getting this done.
What kind of society is this?
These are some
of the side effects
of
the breakdown
of family values
and
the the dissolution of,
or or the the weakening of the institution
of of of marriage.
Children have a system of being taught and
being given a good upbringing,
which is critical for their well-being.
Morally but also academically as well. And research
shows this very very clearly. Again,
you know, if children are well raised, they
have good manners, they have a good education,
they
have
they are god fearing,
then
they will increase
the positive output
of this.
Right? There will be more of Allah
There will be more
There will be more propagation of what is
good and right and more discouragement of what
is wrong and evil, and they will be
more successful overall
And as a result,
there will be greater justice and peace and
tranquility in society.
So you see right? Like all of this
is connected.
Right? What people try to do today is
the church look at a small aspect of
it and be like well let's just deal
with this. Or I don't feel like doing
this or I don't wanna do that but
I want this and they try to pick
and choose. You can't do that because the
system of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is interconnected,
right? If you try to mess around with
it at one point it's gonna create a
disbalance at another point. And when you have
a disbalance you have a problem,
right? Because then of course things don't work
as they're intended to.
So, overall
with healthy families
you have more balanced human beings with
fewer issues. Now, this is not to say
that everything's always gonna be perfect, of course
the Zunya is not Jannah,
and people are not angels, they're human beings,
so of course there's gonna be challenges, and
there's gonna be struggles, and there's gonna be
problems.
But our way out of those problems or
resolving those problems and challenges and struggles
is not to go against
the fitra and the way that Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala has created us and how Allah
has designed us.
Right? If we try to go around that
and we try to avoid that system it's
gonna create more problems.
Right? So yes, there will be struggles and
challenges but the solution lies in following the
method that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has prescribed
for us. And I was looking at a
2017 study published in the journal innovation called
Innovation in Aging. This is very clearly quote,
relationships with family members are significant for well-being
across the life course.
Right? Across your entire life,
relationship with family members are significant for well-being.
Right? So a lot of the challenges and
struggles we find today that people are trying
to address,
you can probably trace it back to the
breakdown
of families
and the absence
of healthy homes.
So healthy families are critical for humanity.
The absence
of all of this
leads to moral decay,
breaks down leads to the breakdown of the
social order,
and problems upon problems upon problems as we
are sadly witnessing today.
Due to the disbalance in society
caused by not living by the guidelines of
the fitra and our religion, the fitra is
a natural disposition, the default settings
that Allah
has created you with, created all of us
with. And our religion is a religion of
fitra, of the natural disposition.
It is designed to fit the way Allah
has created us. And if we deny that,
we try to avoid that,
it doesn't help us. It may satisfy our
desires
but doesn't help us.
Right? So my brothers and sisters know that
our desires for marriage and our family life
are not without purpose and meaning.
It's not just to have a good life,
but it's much much greater than that. You
know, your family has a purpose and a
mission,
so value your family.
Spend time
with your children, with your spouse, with your
parents, with your relatives.
Spend money. It will count as sadaqa insha'allah
as the prophet
told us
that
That if a Muslim spends
on his family seeking reward from Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala. He does it with that intention
considering it to be a form of charity,
considering reward from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, then
it will be counted as a charity for
him inshallah.
So, spend good times with your children and
grandchildren,
be loving,
impart good values and teachings. You know, we
were talking about parenting sessions, you know, this
often comes up as it really comes down
to the strength of your relationship with your
children.
Right? The stronger the bond,
the more leverage you're going to have, and
the easier it's going to be to try
to help them and try to guide them.
The weaker that connection,
the harder it's going to get. Now, of
course, there can always be exceptions.
Right?
But as a general rule, the more you
invest in your family relationships,
the easier things will get for you will
become for you.
So be good to your spouse,
contribute to creating stability inside the home. Don't
be selfish.
Right? Don't be selfish. Yes. It requires that
we give up some of our personal choices
and give up some of our personal freedoms
in the interest
of the family
for the greater good.
So, yes, we have to sacrifice a bit,
but there's benefit in that.
As we become individualistic
and just look after ourselves and worry about
ourselves and care less about our families and
about our relationships,
the tougher and the harder things are going
to get.
Even seemingly small things can have an impact.
Now there's a recent survey by the American
Heart Institute,
or Heart Association, sorry, found it found that
91%
of parents say their family is less stressed
when they eat together.
91%
said that their family is less stressed
just when they eat together.
Simply having a meal together, right? And there's
a lot of research on this as well.
You can look it up. The importance of
having a family meal,
right? Like every single day,
right? Even that contributes to well-being
of the family.
If your children are grown up,
continue to contribute by interacting with children positively,
you know, facilitating marriage for those who are
unmarried,
for helping bridge disagreements when they come up,
and bringing families together, and do all of
this with the bigger picture in mind.
This effort and exercise
is very important,
and it has a meaningful purpose.
With the right intention, you will be rewarded
greatly insha'Allah. Even if you are not successful.
Because remember,
what matters? Intention and effort.
The results are never in our hands.
For anything, the results are in the hands
of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala alone. Right? But
our job is to have the right intention
and do what's right
and to give it our best effort.
Right? You'll get to be rewarded for it.
If Allah chooses to test you through your
family, then that's Allah's decision. Right? We we
always have to try to do the right
thing with the right intentions
and leave the rest to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala. May
Allah grant Barakah in our families. May he
facilitate marriage for those who are not yet
married. May Allah grant peace and love and
contentment and taqwa to all of those who
are married and guide them to the true
purpose.
Amin. So if you'll take a few moments,
break inshallah, then we will continue.