Shadee Elmasry – The PARENTING MISTAKE Thats Hurting Your Kids
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of judge's judgment and how it is often centered around the distribution of chores and the sharing of children. They also mention the need for justice in distributing chores and the importance of learning how justice is established in a home.
AI: Summary ©
Between kids, I think justice is extremely, extremely
important.
Between kids is a great opportunity to have
injustice or a great area where injustice occurs.
Probably the biggest injustice is that is between
girls and boys.
Like girls tend to be, there's so much
is demanded of them because they accept the
orders.
They don't fight back.
Boys may resist a lot more, so it's
harder to deal with.
Between kids, every parent is a judge.
And this is really important, to make sure
you judge fairly.
Now when you judge, to give you very,
very, very basic structure of judgment and how
to be a judge.
The first, first we discuss the evidences.
What is the chief evidence?
And by the way, all this is metaphoric
or allegoric justice in the sense that half
of this could never happen.
It could never happen that a parent will
be the actual judge and his child is
one of the plaintiff or the defendant.
That could never happen.
But within the households, you have to be
a judge.
And the first piece of evidence is the
admission.
And so when the child comes and makes
a claim, so-and-so took my book.
All right, so-and-so took your book.
I need you to understand something.
As much as I love you, I cannot
make a statement against your sibling just because
you told me.
I can only judge on what you can
prove.
And so you have to understand that telling,
when you tell, doesn't mean it's an accepted
truth.
I can only make a judgment based upon
what can be proven.
And I've taught my kids this, and I
recommend you all do too, that what the
nature of a complaint and a judgment to
be passed by the parent.
So nobody should ever use, if you don't
believe me, you don't love me.
That's ridiculous because it's about what you can
prove happened.
Are there witnesses?
Again, this is a metaphoric justice because in
court, your siblings and your rivals cannot be
witnesses.
So without witnesses, there's not much I can
do for you, but I can advise you.
I don't know what happened with your book.
I don't know who took it.
I can't say.
See, so-and-so's denying.
So-and-so is making the allegation.
There's no evidence.
So I can advise you.
And here we have from the Prophet, peace
be upon him, situations like that, where someone
does something, there's no case.
The victim comes to the Prophet, peace be
upon him, there's no case, but he's upset.
So he gives advice.
That's the difference between in these families.
You either have proof or you don't.
Now if there's an admission, then there has
to be justice.
And what's the justice?
If it's physical, then it's justice.
If it's physical, then it's not justice.
If it's physical, then it's not justice.
Qasas, of course, what did he do?
He hit me with a towel.
Are you going to say now, all right,
you hit him with the towel?
Yes, you could, if it's not really serious,
if it's just childish stuff.
No harm in that, right?
But they have to establish justice in their
house between their children.
How else is justice established?
Justice is established through the distribution of chores.
That's a big unfairness that occurs between kids.
One kid is doing all the chores.
No, there needs to be systems.
Once you have more than two kids, pretty
much, even maybe with two kids, there has
to be a clear system of justice with
the chores.
And there has to, so there needs to
be days.
All right, Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday are
you.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday is me.
And then Sunday we alternate.
First and third, Sunday is you.
Second and fourth is me.
So any chore that happens or any privilege
that happens on that day, you get it
if it's your day.
So you get the privileges and you get
the chores.
So who sits up front?
Whoever's day it is.
Who has to clean up after a dinner?
Whoever's day it is.
Like that.
So there needs to be justice in distributing
the chores.
Now, what about situations where a person, there's
a type of privilege or a trip.
How do we decide that?
Also, you can decide that by order.
So the oldest one will get the first
chance, this is the youngest one, and so
on.
Or by lottery.
The Prophet ﷺ used lottery, meaning just chance.
Put your names in a hat and we'll
just pick one out.
Put your names in a hat, we'll pick
one out and that person gets to go
first.
And then the next one, we flip flop
back and forth.
So the first layer is the rules of
the Sharia.
The second layer is going to be learning
how justice is established.
How do we establish justice even just in
a home?
The greatest of justice is going to be
the Sharia.
Haram should not be allowed to flourish, should
not be allowed in, should not be anywhere.
And the Salah has to come first in
a household.
And once you have those homes where there's
Sharia and there's justice, you will have a
small heaven in your home.
It will be a small paradise.
Then you give that, you just maximize that
now.
In anything you run, you operate with these
principles.
So that's just like basic fundamentals of how
to establish fairness and justice in a house.