Shadee Elmasry – The Nothin’ But Facts Livestream!
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All right, can everybody hear well over here?
How's the sounds? I have no clue if anyone can hear or not, but as
a sound, okay.
All right, hopefully the sound is okay. Alright, so today, what
we're going to talk about is
something pretty simple is that a lot of people wonder, and they ask
the question,
well, what do I owe my parents? And what are my parents owe me, et
cetera, et cetera? All right.
Is it sound better the forward Alright, sounds good. Hamdulillah.
So, listen, a lot of people, they have this this false understanding
that
very well, validation means that the parent can boss around the kid
for life.
He could tell them marry so and so divorced, so and so fire, so and
so quit your job do this to that. And the other, we got to
understand that the city by itself, you got to take it as it
is, and leave it alone. Don't add something and subtract something.
And whenever culture comes in and messes around, which city out you
got to remove that because it's going to be harmful. We have a
belief in our theta. The Cydia is the greatest source of guidance,
it is the only source of guidance when it speaks about a matter,
everything that you add or subtract or remove from it.
It's going to be worse. All right, you're only making something
worse. Let me give you an example. And this is actually different
upon in Islamic jurisprudence. When a woman gets married, there's
something called a duck, a Maha we all know that, right? It's a
dowry, the man has to give her a gift, they have to agree upon it.
But it's a gift and it's a debt, he has to pay it to her. Okay,
it's a gift. Why? Because marriage is based upon mukaiyama. It's not
a purchase. It's a gift. micarta means generosity back and forth.
So in order to increase his generosity back and forth, and to
create an environment of goodness and a goodwill that Allah has
prescribed than a man, he pays a dowry to his wife, they agree upon
a number, and he pays it. Now, some people they wanted to do
something, and they imagined that Allah as as if Allah forgot about
it, or they have a better idea than Allah Himself.
And they established something called the marker means that it's
a conditional, they put conditions on the dowry. That means you pay
this amount of money, if you divorce in the first year, or if
you divorce at all, good. It's called the mockup so that the men
you trap them in in the marriage so that he doesn't just marry and
divorce. So that let's say it's, it's a dowry is $5,000 or $10,000,
he pays the dowry. But the delayed dowry is now like, $50,000. If you
divorce her within the first five years,
and then like, $30,000, if you divorce her ever, so if you ever
divorce his woman, $30,000 Why did they do that they want to protect,
he wants to protect his daughter.
He wants to protect his daughter in a way that Allah Himself, He
didn't ordain. All right, let's look at the logical, the actual
not the logical conclusion, the actual reality of the conclusion
of what happens when this when people do this. Okay? What happens
when people do this is as follows the guy, he ends up wanting to
divorce his wife.
Okay, but what happens? He's like, Oh, my gosh, I signed this
agreement that I have to pay $50,000 If I divorced my wife, I
don't want to pay $50,000. Okay, so what does he have to do now?
Right now he's got to go in and he's got to
do something called he's got to get her get her to let go of that
$50,000 by harming her
a type of harm that she can't prove.
So that she would request the hook
Aquila is that she initiates the divorce. And he gets to discuss
terms. That's what a hula is. So he could say that for example, you
forego this $50,000 All right, whatever they agree on and I'll
divorce you. She's basically buying herself out. Okay?
So that when when you when you have this will of God, what you're
actually saying is listen, I don't think that Allah took this into
account. So I'm going to add to it, you've added to the shit in
the medical method, the way we've been taught it from shift that a
shift family from from Lhasa in Saudi Arabia there medikidz For
generations, they say this is haram and it's a bit out, okay?
What it resulted is is harm to the woman. She's getting harmed. Now,
she shouldn't agree to because the guy now he has no way out, except
through hula, to get her to do this. So I'm telling you, many
civilizations, many societies,
they go about this thing. And what they end up doing, is trying to
come up with ideas. It's as if ALLAH SubhanA wa, tada didn't,
you're bringing laws that Allah never brought in, especially in
financial matters. So when it happened when this happens, and it
happens in family relationships all the time, okay, a father will
say, Listen, I want you I don't like what you're doing in this
business, cancel it, a mother would say, you know, your wife is
bothering me, you know, divorce her, you got to understand. But
um, Bella, should in the Quran, read the Tafseer of it, it says
that it has to do with a male when he reaches the age of 18. Or the
age that he can spend on himself. Now, why do we have a problem
here, because now if the man can spend on himself, he's managing
his financial affairs. When he manages the financial affairs, he
can now marry, he can now work, he could buy stuff. And now you have
a incorrect concept of video editing. And you have the dads
coming in, or the moms coming in and saying do this, do that now
you have, I'm controlling the money, I'm doing all the work, but
someone else has given me orders what to do, you end up with
conflicts.
And that's why we have to understand for them, but should
age of 18. I'm gonna talk about this later on today, again, at 330
on clubhouse if you want to be part of that in more detail, and
more phases of life.
But especially this phase, once a person learns how to earn a man,
then the relationship from the dad is going to be different. Racism
from the dad is that son he is but it was bound upon him never to
make his dad set or, or depressed or upset. But at the same time,
the obedience is not the same anymore. And the permissibility of
giving orders is not the same anymore. Okay. And maybe scholars
have different methods can chime in, okay, on their accounts about
this, but the relationships change, okay? Because now this
person he can, he can account for himself, and he can move on. And
so I'm telling you, the city I really makes things simple. He's a
man, now you're a man now. And of course, you can't upset him. And
if the father falls on difficulty, it becomes binding upon you to
help him. Okay, that's, that's we have we know that. But your money
is not allowed now that the father goes in and tells you what to do
about your marriage, or your mother is not allowed to tell you
what to do about your wife.
Okay, it's not allowed. Why? Because you now have to, she could
say it all you want, but you're not bound by it. Why? Because you
cannot have two captains of the ship. If you're paying for
everything, you're the captain of the ship. It's binding upon you
not to upset them.
And I'm telling you this because we always go both ways. We have to
talk about kids because kids youth
are suffering a lot of problems too. And they're not exactly the
greatest generation of youth that have existed. But at the same
time, the parents maybe the parents aren't the greatest
parents either. And maybe culture is ruining it all. So parents,
some cultures, they promote a type of parenting, which is so
domineering, even after the person is a full fledged adult. And this
is a big problem. He's a full fledged adult. All right, this is
a problem.
And that's where you have so many so many fits in in the households
and you have grown adults, making family divorce marriage and
business decisions. With coercion. I have will lie. I've seen it that
a guy will marry a woman who is completely coerced into it. A
woman
will reject a suitor. She's completely coerced into it. She
Once a woman marries, she'd be good and divorces, she becomes
what's called the failure. That means she was previously married.
And now she's not married. That day him. There's two opinions on
it. One she doesn't, she can go marry herself. Now she doesn't
need a Willie. The other opinion in the medical school, she needs
our Lee to protect her rights, but not to stop her from her decision,
she has the sole right over her decision, you have to understand
this, but she has to have a willy to guard her rights, like a
lawyer, the lawyer doesn't tell you what to do.
The lawyer tells you, okay, if you're gonna do this, then all
right, I need to protect you like this, if you're gonna do that, I
need to protect you like that. Okay. That's how it works. So the
lawyer, the Willie, in this case, he protects her rights. If she's a
failure, that means she was previously married. Now she can
marry herself. So she still has to have a Willie but the Wali cannot
stop her. He goes along with her decision, this is Maliki FIP.
Okay.
And I don't know, the other methods say that she didn't even
have to have a Willie.
But what we end up having is I'm telling you a full fledged adult,
she's paid. And yet, she's controlled. This is a problem.
Because if you don't give people the breathing room, okay, they're
gonna there's going to be problems, you can't have a train
that's going one speed, and another train in front of it
that's going slower or go in a different agenda, controlling it,
you're going to end up with problems. And don't think that
this is some kind of like, because the anti adult or something like
not at all, this is not an anti adult thing, ie anyone who knows
what I believe in is strong parenting. But if you do it right,
if you have strong parents, and you do it, right, that means that
when it's time for them to make a decision, you have to trust him to
make a decision. So you have to give him very strong roots and
foundations, and you have to keep out the evil. But that means that
at certain points, you have to give them wings, and you have to
let them fly, they got to be able to make decisions on their own.
And what I'm seeing from especially from the brown cultures
are cultures, sometimes the Arabs, the most subcontinent cultures,
it's the parenting goes on 34 to 40 years old. And he'd be told
what to do. And he doesn't want to do it. That's the thing. He
doesn't believe in it. And he put his head down and put his tail
between his legs, you know, like a beaten dog because his dad told
him to do it, or his mom told him do it. Hamdulillah you know that?
If your parents didn't do this with you, you should say
hamdulillah they gave you that independence? Say it Hamdulillah.
Right? Because it's such a strain. It doesn't make sense. And if you
Oh, but his he doesn't know how to deal with his affairs than you did
raise him properly. Right.
So I'm just saying, this is the element we have to talk about. As
for the issue of the kids, and strong parenting, that's a whole
nother subject, we're not going to do two subjects at once, so that
we don't lose focus I because I totally believe in strong
parenting. And that parents have to make sure that if you want to
get the second half well, and trust them, you got to do the
first half. Well, you got to keep out the bad influences. And
unfortunately, I see weak parents who allow terrible influences to
come in to their kid's life and their fate because they want the
kids to love them and be their friend and blah, blah, blah.
Right? Then you got a type of fool who doesn't know how to make
decisions. Okay. And then so you have to make decisions for them in
their older age, but then it's too late.
All right. So by the way, this is one of the last podcasts or live
streams that we're doing like this very soon. Good news, amazing
news. Very soon. We're going to have our we are moving into a new
studio. Now this is going to be a backup studio. But we're moving
into a new studio. We're going to have an HD nothing but facts live
stream. And it's going to be regular, all right at a set hour
at a set schedule. And you could all be following in. So
today, by the way, we're moving in on the last leg. It's December 23.
We about seven days. All right. And listen, if you don't want to
do a good deed, don't listen to what I'm about to say. Okay, we
need to hit launch good.com backslash Safina what's the number
I haven't looked today? Sometimes I don't want to look, we need to
hit 100k
You're gonna help us hit 100k Because there's 35 people on
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going to help us on Insta five bucks. Like you don't have $5
Alright, help to help feed the poor. All right.
That's what we're doing here, help us with five bucks to help feed
the poor by going to lunch good.com, backslash Safina and
donating and helping us get to 100k before the new year, that's
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kitchen. This soup kitchen is gonna be so nice, you're gonna
want to come to New Jersey just to see it. Okay, and we got people
that come to New Jersey all the time just to check out, you know,
what is mbyc look like MBI sees our whole our whole message it,
you know, what's the studio look like, they don't realize they
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The way the kitchen renovation starts next week. Okay, and the
studio renovation is starting up. So but we need your help, this is
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need your help on this. If you want to take classes, guess what
I'm going to be teaching medically fit next semester, on my
arcview.org. I'm picking up from where I had one side I left off,
we're going to start with Kitab is aka from even Azure, so you can
sign up for that at my art view.org. It's going to be on the
ArcView BASIC program. Alright, let's go to your q&a. Let's see
who's talking here.
And we had some questions and answers. So let's move straight to
the q&a. Today's topic. It's not it's it's for you, for the youth
to understand that there is there are excesses in our culture, and
for the parents to understand. And a lot of the old school parents,
they have a lot of good things about them a lot much better than
the new school parents, that the young parents that are weak, or
they're just weak parents, that's what they are. They're afraid. And
they're afraid that if I'm strict, my kid's gonna get traumatized.
And he's going to become like, you know, terrible human being because
his dad was strict.
You're protecting you. Right? Don't you make him sleep come home
at night and you protect them. You have to protect them. Sometimes
you have to protect people from their own selves. They don't know
how to live yet. And you don't have to live. So sometimes you
have to be but some but today, what we're talking about is
parents that take the parenting way pass and sometimes the youth
thinking this is the right Islam. They accept this. And they make
financial decisions. They make marital decisions. They make other
major decisions that they don't want to make. Only because their
parents told me Don't marry this woman because Oh, my mom said no,
but you're like a 40 year old men.
Not right. Okay. And that's where you have all sorts of frustration.
Let's take a look. Can you put your questions I don't know if you
guys see the question box, but put it in the question box. So I don't
have to keep scrolling with my finger here. And I don't have my
iPad with me. And I don't have my my guess what guess what I'm
getting as a gift. Sopran Allah after years of working with Sofia
society. And we finally reached the point I'm gonna have what do
they call it a mixer, a controller, a guy at the control
boards a producer. That's what they call, I'm gonna have a
producer. He's gonna be able to read the questions out for us,
right?
We're gonna have a producer instead of scrolling with my
finger and trying to put the
the stream together I'm going to have a producer thank Allah
subhana wa, tada, I'm have to do all this, this technical work by
myself. All right, I have trouble with my indigenous culture. And
Islam says, Frankie Gan is that oh, is that like Italian culture
tell us about the culture and what the issue is. All right.
I'm all for as least as we have to have culture. But the culture
should be in things that are minimal. Right, for example, that
the way that you cook your food, you know, certain that's culture,
to me, things that are just almost like accidentals, but when it
becomes something that is going into morals and things like that,
it's best to have a minimal and trim down culture as much as
possible. So Frankie, you got to tell us
what the details are. Off the man. He says, What happens if the adult
is 18 but still financially dependent on his parents, when he
becomes independent and he starts to earn his own money, then
certain decisions that are his you cannot have two people at the helm
of that decision.
Such as, you know, what do we do inside his marriage once a guy's
marriage married? It is you can't go in and tell him what to do in
his marriage. It doesn't work like this. Right? In his job, he can't
go to Home quit your job.
He doesn't have to obligate he's not obligated obligated to do
that. Right. So we have to understand that where the
obligation ends. It's very simple. Okay,
it
it's very simple.
All right, what else we got?
What we got is that you're gonna go to launch code.com backslash
Safina and you're going to help us out. It's extremely important. All
right, l. Ali Mishra
probably didn't say that right? Why the caste system still exists
in some Arab cultures?
Caste system is usually the light skinned son is at the top, the
dark skinned daughter is at the bottom. That's the truth,
unfortunately. All right, can you please do a session or two on
parenting?
I always hesitate to do it. Because what is parenting, we need
to see the result. And I haven't seen the results of my kids yet.
How they're going to turn out let's see, I may be a I've done
something right, something wrong. But let's see the results. So but
there are some basic principles we can talk about.
Frankie says that his Native American, or American Indian, we
have a lot of cultural activities such as powwows. And wearing
spiritual items. No, your question doesn't have to be related to this
topic. But
you got to be strong in life. You got to be strong with your family,
and you have to be independent minded. And people have to know
that. And a person's got to be able to say listen, I've made a
decision.
This decision, alright, means X, Y, and Z. Now what's going to make
that easier for you in your life? Is that to have some street cred,
some credibility, what what kind of credibility we talking about?
We're talking about for example?
Do you help out? Are you valuable to your community? If you're
valuable to your family, then your decisions? Also, you know, you
have some leverage to to make other decisions. Right? Hey, I
help I help out in this family. I bring some I cover some expenses
in this family. I do a lot of things in this family. All right.
So if you can get that you have to get that leverage. But if you're
just a complete dependent, then you're shouldn't be expected to
get told what to do. That's what's only fair. Right? So
let's take this another question says Sam are coded from Facebook
says when is the ideal time for a young Muslim man to leave his
parents house, I would say that
if the kid if an adult, the Muslim adult, there's a lot of fitna
these days.
If he earns, then he should get himself a spot in the house, you
should contribute to the house, have a spot in the house. And he
should he's now an equal in the house. That means he's got his own
space. But he also helps cover some of the expenses if necessary.
Sometimes dad's really rich doesn't make a difference. But I
really, I would say that there is some fitna, if he goes lives all
alone, and it's also a waste of money, right? So it's better. I
would say in this day and age, when he gets married, right now
when is he technically allowed by Shetty as soon as it starts
earning, right? He can go live on his own is that doesn't have to
pay for him. But in light of the fits in of the day and the age,
then it could be better that he has a support system of Muslims
around him, which is his family, and that he lives with them. But
he lives now in a sense that he contributes now. Okay, he's not
freeloading off of them anymore, because a dad doesn't have to do
that anymore. And he has his own spot. And he should be respected
in that respect. All right. Well, lo alum and there's probably many
answers to that.
Okay.
What else we got going on here?
Any other comments? We're about to wrap up because this today was a
very short stream, testing some new equipment. All right, the
audio should be really good to picture we still haven't worked on
my buddy. We will when we
get all of our ducks in order as our you're gonna love our new
studio, and the HD quality of our footage. And we're gonna have a
producer. It's going to be really something special. And it's going
to be very serious, regular, nothing but facts live stream. But
for now, we're still on the what are they calling it, bootstrapping
it. Okay, so, let's
look at one last question from Hasib. Johnny says financial
dependence strings along adolescence well into people in
their 20s.
Okay, how can we break this cycle for people who will be in school
for a while?
Well, I think if a person is in grad school
at least
He's doing something useful. But if he's not even doing that,
that's a problem. So you're either working or you're in grad school,
right? And then if you're in grad school, you do owe something.
You do owe something to the people who are paying your bills, simple
as that. Right?
And so if your parents are paying your bills, you do owe them
something. Right. And so
if that's the case, but at least you're doing something,
and if a person is not,
you know, having any financial is not studying, but just freeloading
off of his parents off his dad, really, it's not a good thing. You
got to do something. All right. So you got to teach people how to
work I guess it's not that difficult to work and, and I'm
telling you financial dependence is a voted for an adult male. It's
terrible. It's humiliation for a male. Okay. If he cannot earn so
we got to we got to learn this skill. Good.
All right. Let's stop here. Unfortunately, we got to stop
here. And but we'll be on clubhouse in half an hour. All
right, folks. We will be on clubhouse in half an hour. Does
that come? lockira Thank you all so much. Subotic Aloha. Mobium.
Nick, I shudder when Elantra stuff recorded to where they caught us.
In Santa Fe. It was letting me know I'm so sorry. What was so
good. Huck was sober sober, was set up on a camera module library.
Gotcha.