Shadee Elmasry – Parenting ADVICE YOU NEED to Hear – Esp. If Youre a Single Mom
AI: Summary ©
The importance of raising children for strong social and psychological connections with their parents is emphasized. It is important for parents to show respect and admiration for their children, especially when it comes to their daughter's behavior. The speaker also emphasizes the need for individuality and privacy in the community, and encourages parents to encourage their children to practice socializing. It is important for parents to avoid transformational behavior and avoid socialization, and educators and parents should make small talk. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of community and educating children about it.
AI: Summary ©
And how do you raise kids?
One dentist appointment at a time.
One soccer practice at a time.
One math quiz at a time.
That's how children are raised.
That's how memories are formed for kids.
That's how good kids come out of good
households.
You cannot count how much time, hours you
spent with this other human being.
That's how you develop a good human being.
You develop somebody by hours upon hours upon
hours of exposure.
And also, it does require some courage, some
awareness of where things are not going well.
And there are a lot of people, I
have to say, it's very bad.
They're actually afraid of their kids.
They'll see a kid developing a very bad
habit, and they'll be afraid to say something.
Well, you must have went wrong way earlier
than that.
A parent, especially a dad, has got to
embrace the moment, few moments in which you
got to be a bad guy.
The earlier you embrace that, and the quicker
you explain it to your assignment, your child
is your assignment from Allah Ta'ala, your
test.
Explain it to them.
I have to raise you.
I have to tell you stuff that people
will say, will think about you and not
say it.
They're going to backbite against you that you
smell bad, that your clothes is not ironed,
that you look dirty, that you interrupt, that
you're terrible to eat, you're sloppy when you
eat.
They're all going to think it, and they're
going to backbite against you.
Nobody's going to tell you because they don't
have to.
You're not their kid.
But Allah has given you to me as
an assignment to test me and to benefit
you.
So, I got to tell you, you need
to iron your clothes, you need to look
clean, you need to smell clean, your face
needs to be clean, your eating habits need
to be, how are you going to propose?
And women, moms do this for their daughters,
they know best.
And guys do it for their sons, because
we know best.
That's how it works.
If you're married and you don't have a
husband, and it's a woman runs the house,
like a woman is a single mom, she
outsources to other guys in the community, to
the slightly older guys, right, who have the
time and they could sort of hang out.
And we have this in our scenario.
We got some kids have no dads in
the area.
And we all kind of sort of know
that we got to pick up where a
dad would have been.
If I see this kid slouching in a
certain manner, walking without his back straight, his
handshake is weak, he looks at you, he
talks to you without looking.
Everyone has to pick up a little bit.
We can't leave this kid.
What was the point of a masjid?
What's the point of a community?
Why did the prophet reward group prayer 27
times more?
Ikhlas, sincerity is better alone.
But the prophet rewarded the group prayer 27
times more.
Why?
It's for things like this.
The social element of things, the reward that
you can get out of this.
When you pray in Jemaa, you're encouraging others,
it's a place where people can meet.
And then manafa happens, benefits happen.
So when we see this kid the way,
and something's not right, like brother, so and
so, you cannot wear the same sweatpants for
three months in a row.
We see it, it's noticeable now.
You become like, did you paint them on?
No, you can't do this.
I know those things have not been in
the wash.
You've just been wearing the same sweatpants for
three months.
You sleep in them, you wake up with
them.
No, you can't continue like this.
I know you don't need sadaqah too.
So change your clothes, iron your clothes.
Don't always show up in sweatpants and a
t-shirt.
I know the whole new generation is all
about this.
The sweatpants and a t-shirt, that's all
it is, hoodies and sweats and stuff.
But I'm telling you, there comes a time
where it's not going to be good for
you.
You're not going to fight the culture 100%.
Nobody can totally transform a culture, but you
can tweak a little bit.
A lot of young people, I just wonder
where their dads are at.
Your son walks with his shoulders hunched like
he's some abused kitten.
Don't you see your son, how he walks?
Fix your back.
Walk with some confidence.
You look like you're an abused kid.
Well, maybe they are abused.
Who knows?
So every one of us, if you live
in a community and you live with these
youths and you see them so much, it's
okay to say something here or there, right?
And you could say to a whole group
of kids, and there are expectations, and that's
why socialization is one of the greatest educators.
It's a source of education.
We all shake hands and you look a
person directly in the eye.
You say salam and you learn how to
make small talk.
Some of these kids, their dad never taught
them what to do with their face.
Pimples, peach fuzz.
So you see the kids who have solid
dads who pay attention to them, who treat,
it's like a different species.
It's a thousand little things that build up
over time.
The kid who's been given attention and the
kid who's not given attention, they're so far
apart.
And it's not kibr.
It's not saying this, that one is superior
to the other.
Allah knows that.
But they're externally, everything about their life, it's
light years apart.
They're like different creatures, different species, from talking,
from appearance, even from direction, from knowledge, from
basic worldly knowledge to religious knowledge, life direction,
life priorities, how to have conversations, knowledge about
politics, things like that.
And that's where the message of community comes
into play.
Because some people, the parent may be too
busy, no parent at all, whatever the case
may be, the jemaah can maybe cover 20
% of that.
If it's a couple guys intentionally, and we
have that in certain circumstances, we intentionally know
this kid does not have a dad and
he needs some extra help.
So don't be shy.
And the mom expects it and wants it.
That's different.
That we can cover 70%.
Even if you don't live with them, just
the mom comes constantly bringing the kid to
the masjid.
And we talked to them and they know
it too.
They know it that like we're gonna be
your male examples.
So that you don't get laughed at.
And certain things, they pile up, certain certain
habits pile up, and they take a person
in a in a terrible direction.
Antisocial habits, cell phone use habits, hygiene habits,
let them pile up for 10 years.
See what happens.