Shadee Elmasry – NBF 36 How The Prophet Treat His Wives
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
Are we
live? This man the Bahamas Salam Alaikum
Welcome to the Nether about facts live stream.
Today is Tuesday. Now I had told you that I'm going to do something
and we're still going to. I still wanted to make it perfect. So
we're going to delay it one more day, which is basically that we
almost could you please move the phone over slightly centered a
bit?
Yeah, this other way, this way. There we go a little bit more. A
little bit more. More.
Well, no, that's good. That's good. That's good. No, no, it's
still crooked. Ryan, come fix is fun.
All right, I told you we're going to do something. However, we are
gonna delay it. Okay.
Because I wanted to make sure that this thing is a bit slanted to
need to be get straight As much straight as the whole, the whole
tripod is slanted.
The whole the whole thing, lift the whole thing with your hands
and then put it in the middle. Make it as straight as possible.
Yeah, that works. Okay. All right. All right. Today we're gonna cover
the summit and other prophets. I said, because on Tuesdays, what we
like to do is something a little bit different, right? And
Tuesdays, we always want to explore something that we haven't
explored before. So today we're going to talk about the Shema of
the Messenger of Allah when he was selling them and you can get a
book on that topic from
none other than Mecca books. And the mic is not put into there that
mic needs to be go into that phone.
Okay, so next
is that we want to talk about, as we said, the summit of the Prophet
today we have two guests, we got a Mar and we got so Hey,
so hey, this here. Now what we're going to talk about today is a
famous hadith of OMA Zara.
This is a famous Hadith of the prophets lie Selim, was not even
from the prophet is from say that Aisha with the messenger peace be
upon him. Say that Isha is telling a story of the prophet to the
messenger peace be upon him, and in this time that the Prophet used
to sit with her every night, so his sunnah, the Prophet, sunnah
with his wives, is something called the Maasai Mara was Samara
is the concept that
the prophet is sitting with your spouse at the end of the night,
after I shut. So the Prophet used to only do a limited number of
things after so well, there's a practical reason and there's a
spiritual reason. So it is part of our deen, that after I shall be
limited, the things that we do. It's not like mcru are haram. But
the Prophet used to only do either seek teach, if people needed to
learn, or he used to deal with the affairs of the Ummah, with a
bucket and Omar, or he used to sit with his wives.
And so that's what the messenger peace be upon him used to do. And
what if you think about it, that's also what the messenger used to do
all the time. Right? So when they limited to that, like, what else
was the prophet doing? What could you do at night, you can't even do
anything at night. Right? So, but there is also Hadith that bring
your children in when it gets dark. Another mention of that the
darkest for the Shanthi million shot didn't come out in the dark.
So we're actually not encouraged to spend a lot of time up late at
night.
They always go home
and study. And I don't know what the actual lifestyle is, but the
students of knowledge, they review between motive and Aisha, after a
shot, they have a few minutes, it's almost like massamba. Well,
when I was there, that was like 20 years ago, 22 years ago, when I
was there. So you'd have to ask someone who'd been more there, you
know, more recently, but when I was there, there was a juice shop.
And what you do is after I shut, you would just have some juice for
2030 minutes with the with the brothers there, and then you'd go
to sleep. Right? There wasn't much activity, and they didn't allow
much. There wasn't much to do even if you left the building, what was
there to do? Right. So I think that today, people don't really do
much after I shut besides scroll on their phone. And that's a
really terrible habit for your for your sleep. I've talked to a lot
of people that their sleep habits are just in a disaster because of
the cell phone. Right? And because of the computers, they're just on
it all night. And so but the prophets have it so Allahu alayhi
wa sallam was to sit with his wives and they would talk. So one
of these things is that he would listen.
Right? He would just listen to
whatever they wanted to speak about and it wasn't always a
matter of seriousness or Dean
and this had the indicates that because it's actually pretty funny
that this almost Zara talks about this hadith of one was that I say
that Isha tells the Prophet a story. And this story is about,
okay.
A woman
or 11 women and their husbands. Okay, each one, I guess this is
like they're sitting complaining about their husband. Now, by the
way, this is like,
I guess this happened, but it's not. It's not allowed for a woman
to go complain about her husband to other men. Unless she needs it
for like therapy. It's also not allowed for a man to talk about
his wife to other women.
to other men, even his brothers can say like, Oh, my wife went
this and she wears this and did that. That's her like our
innocence or privacy is like, outta you're not allowed to do
this. So almost Dada says My husband was EVO Zara. And how can
I praise I was Zara. He made my ears bow jewels. In other words,
the earrings that she wore were so heavy, okay. Okay, he made my
sides get full of fat. In other words, like, her ribs don't show
anymore because she's not skinny. She has food. So he's the provider
is praising him for being a provider. He kept me so happy and
contented that due to self admiration and hardiness, I
thought I was virtuous, like he fatten me up so much. In other
words, it with his, his provisions and his whatever he provided and
everything that
she got to her head, she's basically admitting that it sort
of got to my head. He found me from such a poor home. Now there
was I was a poor woman, and I live with hardship. I only owned a few
goats. From there, he brought me into such a prosperous family.
We own horses, now, camels and oxen for plowing, and gardeners,
and we own all types of wealth.
Besides this,
now some people think that this is not important. It is important
comfort makes people happy. stuff makes people happy with you. Why
did the prophets I seldom say to her do to help give gifts you love
one another to head is the is the is the action to have who is the
result you will love one another. So people do love each other
through material gifts, a symbol. And it's also human nature does
love other clay things were made of clay were made of matter. We'd
love other material things. Right? That's a material I guess it comes
from the word matter. Right? So we're made of that. So we love
that. The angels for example, don't love that they love what
they're made out of light. So their nourishment is the
nourishment of angels is that
okay? So if you give gifts to people, it doesn't mean that
they're not righteous people that they're all materialistic. Tell me
something. If someone gotta give you $10,000 You're not gonna love
him a little bit more. You're gonna write only question is like,
we should be in control of our feelings towards material wealth,
and that our love for Dean and Echota should be greater. That's
really the only thing that the prophets I sent him abroad. He
didn't bring socialism. He brought it in bringing like Marxism and
this or asceticism of the Christians. He simply brought that
you should love the ACA more. And when some Sahaba experienced
spirituality they so loved it so much more. That simply just
ignored the dunya examples of Abdullah and Ahmed menos when he
tasted the spirituality that the Prophet brought as a young man, he
simply just didn't believe or have a doctrine or something that this
stuff was bad. He just lost interest in like, this is so much
better this this spirituality is so much better. I don't want to
distraction from that. It basically stopped eating praying
all night, his wife complaint and his wife said he eats he prays all
night. In other words, I don't have a companion in my bed and he
fasts all day. I can't even eat with him in the morning. Right? I
can't We can't have breakfast and he's up all night so the prophets
I send them advice sorry this was automated must own this hobby
author man had been in my own his wife. I think it was
I've done
him too. I think it was okay so then the prophets I send them said
fat I fast and I break my first I sleep and I pray in other words
because your wife and In another Hadith wants to have you said to
another He said your body has hopped over you your family has to
hop over you right so these things have meaning right they have a
right over you this and this I haven't had to be reined in
multiple times. So like yes, there was that with his wife. There was
also the Hadith about fasting fast three days and yeah, the other day
that was him to the Hadith about the Quran. Like don't recite it
more than every yes
That's also him, Satan, Abdullah binominal asked because he tasted
the right thing. And when he tasted that in his heart, he could
no material thing could ever compare to it. Like you would
never sacrifice that for material thing. That's what he meant had
that says, when he asked, How do I know my vehicle has been accepted,
or that I'm doing they could properly he said the least is that
you would never trade the taste of that for anything.
And that was what they taste it in their heart. So it's not the
Prophet didn't, you don't have to go preach anti dunya he didn't
have to preach it to the to the Sahaba, maybe to others. But as
soon as they tasted the sweetness of this dhikr they
have a bad end of the day. They ignored the donee. So some people
that's remember we said this Thursday, some people they have to
be told go and take some dunya, right? They have to be told to and
others, you have to warn them against the dunya. Now, so
material thing does have it has an impact on people, we can't deny
that. And this woman, she's just on the fitrah. And she's like, I'm
so happy. I love this man. Because my dunya is really good. But now
if you're doing is good, but you're mean or you're a jerk, you
would still hate the person, right? So this is why she says,
After all of this, he was extremely good nature. Right? So
well, what is the good nature? You know, you know, the automatic they
found this valuable? Because these things are good. These are good
qualities.
He what was the why was he a good nature? He did not criticize me?
For anything that I did. He didn't criticize me like he didn't say,
Oh, this You're not dressed nicely. You're cooking is this.
The house is a mess. He didn't criticize for whatever. I know,
some people get triggered cooking. Like as if you know, this is yes,
mostly women cook like, are we gonna go so far from the fifth and
from from actual live life, and pretend and then monitor our
speech. For by the way of people, a group of people who don't
exactly have the most exemplary family lives, right you would not
want to trade your family life with there's the people who want
us to monitor our language and our tongues and ignore this reality
that women, wives in homes tend to like, cooking for the families.
Guys in homes tend not to right, and they don't do a good job at
it. Have things changed is my generation now like I'm on I'm not
even old, right? At least that's not been my experience. That
hasn't been your experience. Like, I give my wife a pop tart. Like
you're so your your mom and your household. She does not enjoy
cooking for the family.
My mom is different though. Like if my family situation is really
different. I'm gonna take that as this is not a private thing.
You're in your family is so far off that I'm not saying what she's
obligated not to do anything. She enjoy it. That's really what it
is. It's she enjoys, it's very much it's like you're always going
to be fed even when you when you don't want to be fed. That's less
or what if I said, I know when I cook when I sit with my mom to eat
my mom, same thing with my wife, sometimes I don't crave the food.
Just Oh, you like it takes more? Right?
That's when I was young. Right? When I was young. That's how it
was with my mom. Right? Nowadays. If I go into the kitchen, and I'm
moving around, it's like, I'm in someone else's backyard. I'm like,
wait, right, this is my zone.
If I if I if I put a plate together, I might get told
something right?
I might get told something. So I'm saying this because just the fact
that we're saying we mentioned the word that she's she he doesn't
criticize her cooking or her dressing. If we can't go so far
from the fifth, an actual live life, that cooking. And wives and
women cannot even come together what's wrong with it? Right?
What's bad about it? Right? We're not saying it's obligatory, or
it's the only thing that defines their existence. Right? We're not
saying any of this nonsense anyway, the people were
criticizing this. I don't know about your family life. And I
probably wouldn't want to live it. Right. Because is there even a
family life? Right? Most of the people who preach this stuff,
they're single, right? They're single. So I'm not interested in
what you have to say about this subject because you haven't lived
it anyway.
There's there are a lot of people, they're involved with family
discussions and children who don't have family and who have children.
You ever noticed? Like why are the transgenders always so interested
in kids? Why are the gays so interested in Disney? Your
lifestyle?
does not. It doesn't result in kids. Why do you want to deal with
our kids? Right? I'll tell you why. Because that lifestyle is
going to die off. right with you.
So you have to go in and fish for other people's kids to recruit
your lifestyle. Right? Right or wrong? Isn't that it? Because
they're that way of living. You don't have kids? What's your
business with other people's kids? Why are you guys 27 year old guy
going working in a kindergarten or a library reading kids, books to
kids? When you don't have kids, you're that's like, creepy. If a
single guy did that he was straight. We'd have an issue with
that. But when they do it in a library, and they're dressed up
like this, I mean, I don't know if you guys know what I'm talking
about. I'm referring to one guy, he does this. There's a lot of
guys who do this. They dress up basically as completely, like drag
queens, basically. And they go to the library and the and the, the
library welcomes them. It's for diversity. And he's reading a book
on this topic to get your lifestyle doesn't produce kids.
What's your interest? Because deep down, this, your whole philosophy
ends when you die. You don't pass it on to anybody else. If I went
around to other people's kids and talking to other people's kids in
the masjid, that would be like an alarm bells should go off. I
talked to my kids and maybe if my kid has a friend, I'll talk to
that kid. And maybe if I know that my swimmers rent the mats, A
salaam aleikum, and a little nice jacket, nice shirt. Haven't seen
you bug about maximum out loud in front of the people. Right? Stay
away from both people's goods.
Lovers invites your coffees who like to cook.
Right? That's true. Like how, where's the diversity? Right? It's
why is diversity only like one thing? So anyway, all this was a
little rant because there's like triggered if cooking is mentioned
with wives and women. Were okay. I'm sorry. You're triggered?
Actually, I'm not sorry, your chicken be triggered.
I'm serious. It's, it's we are getting our language is so policed
so far beyond normal, everyday live life and Phaedra that, you
know what? I don't need to do this.
I don't need to I'm not doing it. I'm not I'm not allowing my
language the police like this.
You don't like it don't like.
All right, next topic. He says here,
okay, that they had so much well, he was good. And he never
criticized anything. And if I did something wrong, he didn't scold
me.
He didn't scold. Okay, because now that something in our audit, in
our audit, we wouldn't scold our wives in our country in our audit,
audit, meaning our custom is almost like an equal relationship,
in the sense of, it's almost like your friends, right? What is your
friends with a little bit more, but you don't, there's not this,
almost like a daughter relationship. Whereas I think that
in the old world, even in some places, still now I think it's
mother is above you, your sister is probably an equal to you.
Your daughter is of course, under you, as a father, in terms of like
a subordinate. And your wife is something in the middle. She's not
even like equal to you, in many cultures. And she's not your
daughter. She's actually a little bit in the middle. And it's almost
like he is some in many of these cultures. And apparently, this is
one of them where,
like, there, it's very clear the hierarchy between the two, I think
that actually makes like things like polygamy more socially
acceptable. Yeah. Whereas like, if you're equals, then it's like,
polygamy becomes a problem now, yes, you were friends. Right? And
then you can have an extra friend. Yeah. With a little extra
friends a little extra. Yeah. So I mean, it does apply power dynamics
different every culture. Yeah, yeah. And I think the relationship
in those cultures or at that At those times, it was more of
benefaction, attachments, then it was totally, totally you're saving
them. Yeah. If your dad died in an old culture, who do you have an
uncle a brother, so the husband now he's taking over physical now
that's I've said this many times, we have no use anymore. So
husbands, it's true. Like our we have our use has been cut down to
like, in all abstract things, companionship, emotional support,
a little bit of like moral support, help out with a little
bit of things here and there, but the actual use that of let's say,
the actual function in our physical material lives has been
lost. And that's why it's frustrating like to your uses.
You're not that useful, should go on without you. This is the truth
physically speaking physically, maybe not emotionally and she's
likes you emotionally. She likes you or as companionship, but
physically speaking, most women, they just go on. Right. And
that's, that's, that's why there's an issue with marriage. That's why
marriages a lot of times, they just don't work because there's
actually no need to make it work. Whereas in the past,
if there's meat on the table
either hunted that slaughtered it, right? In the old days. That's
something that you would want to do.
If you're what the wife would not want to do that, she wouldn't
maybe be able to do that go out in the woods for five hours with my
bow and arrow waiting for the deer. Right? That's another thing
you're gonna get cancelled for
getting a deer, they have to be out there with the bow now.
So, back in the slaughtering of cows, you know what a headache it
is to slaughter a cow. Even the guys, they don't do it right
anymore. GFC the video in Egypt when they tried to slaughter the
cow legs, what they tried to slaughter a cow in an alley next
to a window, right?
And they go up to the cow and they try to slaughter the guy and the
cow bucks and he jumps and he jumps into the woman's house.
He jumps into the woman's house, right? You all you hear is glass.
You hear literally the Hulk the cows have slaughtered.
He jumps into the house right into the window. And back in those days
or went on back in those days. It's this is last year. Last
Ramadan, or anything.
It's it's a it's in this in Upper Egypt, south part of Egypt. The
house is just out the window is just a wooden panel. You've seen
these before, right? It's just a wooden panel. He breaks through
the wooden panels. He's bleeding gushing into the living room.
Right. And the one poor woman is screaming her lights right.
And the cow because he's been slaughtered, right? He jumps an
amazing jump
into the house, the cat jumped
over the moon. This is the real thing. He jumps into the house and
all you hear is the woman screaming kids running like crazy.
And must be so fun for the kids. And then you hear the furniture.
They destroyed the whole house because that cow is bleeding
everywhere. He's gonna bleed out eventually. Right? But that's
going to be blood everywhere. Okay, so so it's a headache to
slaughter a cow. All right. So what use do we have physically
speak, Maliki clicks that he brought down about eight years ago
with Wow, with a bone marrow he brought down a buck took him three
days of tracking and setting up your account. Yeah, that's crazy.
sense everything.
They don't want to deal with the sense. Like you got bottled here
and everywhere. Oh, it's a mess, man. It is a mess. And then all
that stuff that about security. Like we're have such secure
borders. Now back in the day. You didn't have secure borders there
thefts, crime was so easy back in the day before the FBI and before
fingerprinting and all that stuff and all the technology that came
in the time of J. Edgar Hoover. And now with DNA testing, you
can't get away with anything. And now with the tracking, how do you
get away with anything? You'd have to be a nerd who does cyber
crimes, right? You can't get away with anything, everything's
recorded. Your tract is that like an old school criminal? It's
terrible.
Bro, in the good old days, in the good old days, people used to
mafia used to Get Away with Murder just so easily. Okay, and the cops
would never keep up. There were guys. Really simple, you kill the
guy, you throw the gun in the river and never gonna find a
couple of numbers. Right? And I'm thinking myself, that's it. That's
all so back in the day. Even if they found the gun, they can't
fingerprint. So things are not secure. You have to be you have to
have security. Right? So what did we talk about, about security and
food? That used to be a guy's job, and it's not anymore. So when I
come home from work, my wife come home from work, I think myself,
she works in this I'm in school. Okay. So she comes, I know what
that kind of work is. In a sense. It's, it's, you're dealing with
people all day long. Very similar to what we're doing here.
Actually, this is way more relaxed. I don't know how she
tolerates parents, they become different people. When you deal
with people's kids are different. Like if I ever dealt with your
kid, you'd be different. You'd be like way more cautious. I'm
annoyed by those parents. You don't my dad used to do when he
used to take me to a teacher to a soccer coach. He said here is
the skin is yours. The bone is mine. That's what he used to say.
That was the old thing, right? That means there would never be a
time that I wouldn't be able to get my parents to side with me
against the authority. All
100% My experiences
wouldn't ever ever, ever, ever happen, right? I don't care what
happens the authority figure is going to be I guess authority
figures got so abusive now that people don't trust anyone anymore.
I guess that's what happened. People just have a problem with
authority nowadays period. Yeah.
That's what it is. Hierarchy, social hierarchies, you know, like
work
As hierarchies Why are certain people making more than everyone
else? Economic hierarchies, they go on and they whine and whine and
whine, and I'm dating myself.
Man, the some of these people, they really become a different
creature when it comes to their kids. Okay, so But Anyway, point
being when we come home, I'm thinking of myself, like,
physically speaking, we physically did the same thing. She's as tired
as time. Whereas in the back in that time, if you went out and you
farmed all day, or you went training all day, you physically
did not have the same day as your wife. Things were different,
right? So today, it's, it's pretty much physically you had the same
exact level of tiredness. Alright, unless she doesn't work. Okay.
Now, next thing. And even today, when a woman did work in the past,
like her, she had neighbors, right. Yeah, it's just there's
plenty of socialization. If you're in the suburbs today, and you
don't do anything, right, and your kids are at school. I always
wonder like, what you can potentially get really lonely,
potentially, right. It's very different. Anyway, here we go.
Next thing she does, I sleep until late in the morning. There we go.
That's the answer. Right? What do they do? This is what Oh, my God.
I says I sleep late into the morning. And no one is allowed to
wake me up. Wow. That's why she loves her husband. Right? I would
love him to if I lived like this. I got money. I got food. No one
says a word to me. And I sleep all day. Good. Food is so abundant
that when I feel my own stomach, okay. I just leave it. Okay. And
it never gets finished. Right? There's always leftovers. Okay,
that is Zara. Talking about I was now the mother of Abu Zahra.
The mother, the mother in law. All right here we have a discussion
about the mother in law. In what manner can I praise her? Her huge
bowls were always full. In other words, she's a very spacious
mother in law, a very generous mother in law. Many mother in
law's I don't know what happens to them. They get jealous. Yeah, for
their kid. Okay. I mean, I'm not a mother in law, so I wouldn't know.
Her house was very spacious. The house is vast. She was very rich.
And according to the habit of women, all right. She was not a
miser. She was a nice, gentle mother. And that's why the sun is
nice and gentle to buy the vastness of the house. Alright,
visitors were always entertained. So that means we have company,
there's sometimes you can be rich, you can be a nice guy, but you
could be a bore, you have no friends. And you end the family
life is terrible. Ryan, were you gonna say something, by the way?
Okay, it looks like you had your finger on the button.
Says here that, but they were there always had guests. In other
words, there were social because you could actually have a lot of
good stuff going on in your life. But your life is boring. The
family's just really, really boring. And by the way, those
those people who create the stable environment, they tend to that
they tend not to be now there I guess there could be in the middle
of people who are very stable, but also social at the same time.
Alright, let's let's continue on. He says here, she says. Now the
son of Abu Zahra. So she married this man, and he had a son.
How can I praise him, he was a Light upon light. He was so thin
and skinny. Okay, that his ribs would show like, like branches.
A side of a lamb was enough to fill his stomach. That means he
barely ate.
He ate from a small plate. And he was not demanding because step son
relationship is a relationship. By the way. The step mother is the
type of mother and the step son is a type of son.
It's just it's not the same as the biological but in the Sharia, and
in what we consider it is a type of Mother, you have to respect
her. Yes, she's not your biological mother, but you have to
respect her.
She's not a regular old woman. Likewise, the Son, the stepson,
he's not a regular person, there's a relationship you cannot marry.
Therefore, there's a special relationship there even in respect
not just that you can't marry in respect and treatment in love.
There should be a special relationship there between step
parents and step children. He says here, he was very simple in his
eating habits in other words, his eating habits neither did it eat
so much that the House has never filled ever have, like families
where the fridge is just backspace every deleted every day. It's like
you put the food in and it's deleted. There's a family there. I
had four boys
My Best Friend's were four boys. Right there, there was the mom and
the grandma.
And that fridge when it would get stocked, it would be literally
empty by half, half the day.
It was an Army. And it was the mom and the grandma. May Allah have
mercy upon her. Right? The mom is still alive. I think the
grandmother still left him. But Subhanallah when they would the
guys, each one of the guys would bring their friends over because
they had no sisters. So all the guys could go there and not worry
about anyone wearing hijab, right? All you had to worry about is this
the mom and the grandma. And the grandma was older. So she was just
telling us everything. She's older. She was allowed to do that.
There was like cooking for an army. It was like a restaurant.
That's a food. That's right. And they would say what is this an
army right? Because each one of the brothers would bring his
friends over in the summertime and we just it was a frat house
with all the good connotation I don't know if there are any good
connotations but meaning that it was a guy's house. The dad would
come home from work look at the scene of all these guys just go
straight upstairs. He would everyday do the same thing. You
take a nap. He'd come down have he worked in New York. hour and a
half commute. Work in New York hour and a half back. Okay, come
down in his like PJs, basically and have his dinner then go back
upstairs. Then change again. Okay, sit down for tea, and then go down
to the masjid for Aisha, hang out with the brothers there in the
masjid for a shot, listen to a talk or something. Come back sit
again on the couch with his wife and his mom. And then that was it.
But when we were there, we literally took over the house
because there was no it was only as we go through there was no
girls, right? No sisters that we have to worry about.
So we would just tear up the food in that house. But she's saying
now he was not demanding. Okay, he was not demanding in his in his
eating habits. So then she said
he slept in a small place. In other words, he's not demanding in
his space. He doesn't like take over the House. Like some people
they take over the House. Like their stuff is everywhere. No, he
only kept a small part of the house. Alright.
He ate like a soldier meaning he didn't require spices. And I know
some guys. They used to tell me we know every live leftovers. I was
like, what? I don't know what you guys family, but we would cook
let's say and that food would be like maybe two three days that we
cook something else. We did that for two, three days. I think
that's how all households operate. You don't cook every single day.
But this one Egyptian guy. I know. He says in our house. We don't eat
leftovers. Like what do you kings or something?
was bizarre. Okay, next.
In the same manner he simple food but befitting a word. Two or three
pieces of meat was enough. Now the daughter of Zara, how can she be
praised? Now she has a stepdaughter, too. Now you got a
stepmom or a mother in law, a stepdaughter, a stepson. This is
recipe for problems, but she's so happy. Why? Because the character
of this family.
All right, what about her?
She obeys her mother and her father. So there's another wife,
right? She's a good daughter. She obeys her mother and her father.
Right? That's another word I guess. It's supposed to never say
obey, obey. Well, tough luck. She obeys her mother. I like kids who
obey their parents. Personally speaking, if I say you need to
sleep at nine o'clock, is the reason I said that. Right? So
sleep at nine o'clock. If you don't sleep at nine o'clock,
you're causing me to exert more effort. Right? Then I want to,
there's a price for that. Right? If I'd say finish your homework by
five o'clock, there's a reason because we have order. Five
o'clock that we go to practice. When we come back, we have dinner
or vice versa. There's a reason for all this stuff. Okay. And
eventually, they should be able to do it on their own. But there's
reasons sometimes, like when you're raising somebody up,
there's reasons why you tell them to do certain things. It's not
just for fun and for the sake of for, especially when you have a
lot of kids, when you have a lot of kids, you have to be like a
symphony orchestra person or a military person where, where I
need to do five things here today. And I have 90 minutes to do them.
If one of these kids is delayed five minutes, it throws the whole
thing off. Which means I'm not going to be to the masjid on time,
which means the students are going to be waiting. Good. So I need
five things to get done in 90 minutes. So if I tell you I'm
going to pick you up you need to be at the door at this hour,
literally at the door. Just you can't wait. Firstly, I'm taking
you. You're lucky. I'm saying I don't have to take you to
practice. I don't have to take you anywhere. We have to remember that
pattern.
It is not a servant. So all this stuff when you say to be obeyed,
there's a reason, right? Go to any CEO, and ask him if he doesn't
like to be obeyed. Right? By his go to any manager. They might not
say that word, but they know it and they want it. Right. So
sometimes when you give an order, it needs to be followed. And it's
note there's no problem and this is again one of those silly and
ridiculous things that were politically correct.
We can't say but in actual real world, go to any
institution. Are you telling me that nobody's saying that this is
what you have to do to anybody else? Of course it's ridiculous.
Everyone is saying that every from the military to a corporation to a
hospital you have to do this you have your shift is from 5am to 3pm
That's how life is why is it when it comes to the household
everything has to be flipped upside down. Alright, next thing
She obeys her mother she is she is healthy. She's fat and healthy.
Mean fat meaning like she's not skinny because that back in those
days you're always poor. Right? Everyone's poor so to not have
your rib showing was a sign of wealth. Okay, and a jealousy for
the second wife, the second wife feels jealous of on her excellence
among the Arabs. It is desirable that a man be thin and tall
because it shows he can do things. And it's desirable that a woman
have her ribs not show of course, there's just talking about like,
what is healthy in those days?
All right, and what about the servant girl of Evo Zara now I was
Otto has a servant girl.
She never gossips about our house affairs. Because if you have
people working in the house, they go and they gossip about what
happened in the house.
She did not even use the eat without permission. In other
words, she didn't use the food without permission. One time we
had a babysitter mashallah, she would feed our kit, right. And we
would have trouble. You know how it is feeding a one year old or a
two year old. It's like playing games. You got to make sure he
eats this much of food right for his lunch, this much this
container of food. We came back like, actually we would we would
always have them like downstairs. And then my wife would work
upstairs on her dissertation or something, whatever.
And we came one day, my wife comes down and the baby has eaten
everything. The containers empty.
Wow. She's good. She knows how to feed the kid. Next day, same
thing. Third day, walks by sees the lady eating the food.
girl and she was a young girl and not young, but she's like,
probably early 20s. She's eating it herself. He's like, Oh, well,
he doesn't eat it. You know.
She was fired.
Fired.
Good next.
She never gossiped and she didn't eat the food of the house without
permission. She did not let the house become dirty and untidy. She
kept it clean. In other words, she did her job.
And the days were passing wonderfully.
Right. She's almost always loving her life. One morning while the
milk was being churned. I was left the house.
He found the woman with two children playing with
pomegranates. Okay? They're playing with pomegranates.
Okay.
Oh, no. Sorry about that.
Not pomegranates. The pomegranate here is in reality that she is. He
says either that it is literally about granites or breastfeeding.
Sorry about that both
fallen off the chair. Sorry about that, folks.
They should. There's a lot of metaphors. There's a lot of
metaphors in this.
Okay. And I ended up getting divorced, okay. And he married her
instead.
I was divorced because of that.
Good.
And the new wife would have a greater regard for him that he
loved she, he loved her more. Okay.
He divorced me. I married another man, another chief, a chief and a
nobleman.
He was a prince and a soldier. He showered me with many gifts. Okay,
and from each type of animal we ate, we ate Campbell cow goat
lamb. And he presented to me everything and said eat as much as
you wish. Okay, and send as much food Alright,
to your family as you wish. Okay, if I add up all his good
qualities, he will not excel the little thing that Zara bestowed
upon me okay?
The fact is she says if I add up all the second guy's good
qualities right then too he will not excel the little thing that I
was out of bestowed upon me in other words
even though he was so good to me, there's something special about I
was out of that I loved I just something special about Eleazar
okay,
that I that nobody could match and that's what love is the prophesy
centum said you can't control your heart. Right? You could fool you
could check off all the boxes for a person all you want. Okay?
Except then still, nonetheless, you would love someone else more.
And that's why the prophesy sense it take us to account by our
actions not by our heart.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Listen to this story from
Santa Isha.
He said to me, I am to you. Like EVO Zara was to OMA Zara except I
will never divorce you.
Alright, so that is how the Prophet peace be upon him.
Did was Samira would say to isha mean, sit down and talk and
listen, and listen to different things. And then he made sure
always to reassure his love for her. Okay. And yeah, so the
Prophet used to reassure his wife of his love for her. Was there. an
abridged version? That's an abridged version doesn't mention
all the other ones because all the other guys were like, terrible,
all the other stories that people were terrible.
Like, in the other one, all 10.
They complaint, all 10 One of them said like he's a lamb inside the
house. Other words, he just does nothing inside the house. But
sorry, he's a lamb outside the house. But he's a lion inside the
house. In other words,
He's so
soft with everybody else. But he comes in and he thinks he's done.
That's the thing.
Yes, right. I think we should read it out every Tuesday. Yeah, like,
I like this, it's really important to talk about the Messenger of
Peace be upon him and how he lived with his, with his family and with
his wives.
And with his children, children and the children of the community.
All right, so let's go to anybody who has any comments or questions,
and we can open it up now. We opened up a lot of different cans
of worms here today. So let's we might as well follow through.
Alright, why don't we start off with? What do you have to say?
Yeah, I think this is like,
in reality, there's like, the the narrative that you've just
portrayed? Yeah, I think that it's like, directly antithetical to
the, the narrative that's portrayed in like today's like
movies of like, the girl boss be like a CEO of a company. And I
think deep down like in terms of their fitrah I think this is just
what women are more. Like, What woman would not truly want that.
Yeah, if you want to any woman asked her like, deep down? Do you
really get to pick one life? Oh, yeah, the girl boss CEO, or you
could be this right? I think most the time that you will find you
did a survey. Yeah, overwhelming results, I can definitely tell you
what the man's fitrah is demands, is let me just speak for myself.
Right? You want to be useful? You want to feel like this is what I'm
doing is something can't be replicated. I think everyone wants
to feel that in the job that they work at and in the house that they
live in. And if they don't, I think something is wrong,
personally speaking, like I would love to see and look around, which
is true most of the cases 90% of the time. So this thing wouldn't
have been here without this effort that I put in, right? I put in
this effort. The who wants to be redundant, right? That that your
existence and your absence is the same. That's terrible, right? You
want to feel that? This is something Yeah, I did this, I
achieved this. For you want to achieve this in your community,
you want that in your community, you want to be in everyone's
profession, they want to stand out, they want to offer something.
And in this world, it's all about it's all about contribution
service. Echota has no we don't enjoy kedma We don't enjoy
contribution. We enjoy the pleasures of life. Okay. But in
this world, the greatest joy is to realize a service that I was able
to do something for the people. I was able to do something for my
community, I was able to do something for my family. Now the
top of it is going to be for your family. Right? Because if your
family is a second priority to your career, you have a problem.
Like your priorities are off
And Shadia can fix that for you by Just revelation telling you,
you're going to be asked about this, you're going to be asked
about the community. No, Allah is not going to ask me about, did you
show up and advise everybody every single day of the week? No, not
gonna be asked about this once or twice a week is enough. Because
once you learn something, you have an MN right? But he is going to
ask me, you had all this time with your kids, you never educated
them. Right? You educated so and so. You educated so and so. You
knew, you knew that this eating habit is going to lead to somebody
like not being made fun of, or being rejected.
Or that this way of behave and you didn't tell your goodness, you
never came to him and supported what they were doing so that they
could feel a part of your love. You're gonna be asked about all
this not gonna be asked about the people. I think this is also like
this is so would you say this is a part of like Assad like to son,
you're a brother. And then this is like our son would this be
considered like Silent how you deal with people. And it's a
certain in how you if there is SN with Allah and there's SN with
people and the SN that you have to have with the people is the same
with the people who live closest to you.
That's what you have to have you have to make they their testimony
about you on your mock when you die is the most important
testimony. Like if your wife for the husband and the husband or the
wife, that testimony why? Because behind closed doors, and of course
for the man his mother to please behind closed doors, you can get
away with a lot of nonsense behind closed doors, nobody will ever
know. So there's more taqwa in that relationship than the public
relationships. Like let's say I wanted to abuse somebody. I can't
abuse them because you guys are watching.
So the society is watching, right? So I can't necessarily do a lot of
public wrongs because everyone's watching. All right. But I can go
on I could be in a bad mood, you know, just walking around without
a smile in a bad mood. It's abuse. In my if you ask me that. If one
of my kids does that, they're not allowed to they're not allowed to
go upstairs. We have a phrase in Arabic called Fix your face.
Right? You guys say that too? In order to know that? You don't have
that Ryan, do you guys have that? Or you see in your household is
someone allowed to walk around with a frown?
Ryan never frown. But But and we got a question from here from
Yuma. I hope I'm always saying that right. And it told me in your
cultures are you guys have a lot to frown? I don't think in Spanish
culture that's allowed, like Hispanic culture, because they're
very much like us, right? Italian culture. No way. You're not
allowed to frown in the house. Now the first thing we're gonna ask
Are you okay? Oh, yeah. No, talk to me. Okay.
Now there's nothing wrong. Just upset. Okay? If you don't have
something to talk about, you're not going to talk to us about it.
It's private, right? They frown in private frown upstairs in your
room, you don't come and you have something that's a private matter.
And I'm worried your family. Okay, but this is private fine. Maybe
something between you and your friends, then frown with your
friends. You have to learn to control your moods because your
mood has an effect on other people. We're not allowed to do
this. Right? Okay, so we're totally not allowed to affect the
mood of another person. If you do that in your house, you're gonna
get away with it. Right? You will get away with it. So tequila is
greater tequila
is greater tequila
in the house than outside those. If your wife testifies that you
were a good man. Her true testimony before Allah, there's
weight to that if your kids testify that and most people they
live past their parents, right? So we we're not going to count the
parents. Let's look at what some people say here. Can I anticipate
a question? Go ahead. And so somebody is probably going to ask,
because I think in some other class that you've given, they've
asked this before.
What you're talking about, like so if you're feeling a certain way,
you you've you have to flip that when you're with another group of
people Yeah, with your family. You shouldn't be like that you should
keep those emotions for for the context that it's coming from
agree.
So somebody's gonna ask, Well, how do you reconcile that with like,
not being hypocritical, and not being? It's not hypocritical? It's
manners, hit pot hypocrisy in us. For us. Hypocrisy is not that you
have wear many different hats in life. And that you smile when you
don't want to smile is not hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy has two types for us. Number one, it's worship is doing
good deeds. For other people. That's your hypocrisy with Allah.
Hypocrisy with other people is that you preach a message to
people and you do the opposite.
Let's say we got our cue here. And then you guys discover that
In my household, we don't establish the law. We don't
establish fasting. Everyone's doing their own thing. You're
like, this guy is a hypocrite, right? It hypocrite between
humans. In that you're preaching to us to believe in Allah and you
yourself, don't act like that. Right? You're teaching father
dying and what's obligatory How to Pray for us, but you your kids
don't even pray. Right? Or you don't establish it in your home.
That's a hypocrisy. Or the opposite. I could tell people not
to smoke, then I go, and I smoke or sell cigarettes. Or I invest in
that. That's hypocrisy. But for me to be in a bad mood. But then when
a guest the neighbor comes in, I smile. That's not that's manners.
Let's look at the memo. What she says. She says, If I have to work,
pay the bills, cook clean care for the kids do everything under the
sun.
What is His purpose? She's 100%. Right?
Look what she says work, pay the bills, cook, clean. Alright, and
care for the kids, let's say work and pay. Okay, so take these
split. You can't do all five, you shouldn't do all five. You got to
split that. Okay. And if anyone says that there's no, there's no
gender roles, have should should be very similar to work roles in a
job if I have to prepare the podcast, the live stream? If I
have to then
turn the camera on.
If I have to then read all the questions.
I can't do everything. Right. You have to have a team. But Allah
subhanaw taala has come in with Revelation telling us a few
guidelines.
Man, you're pink.
And you're doing the heavy lifting, and you're protecting
three things. Two things you're paying and you're protecting.
Okay? The unfuckable man and while him a worm Island, he said the
means if we're both sitting, and there's a reason for somebody to
get up, the man gets up. In other words, there's some danger,
there's some harm. There's money that needs to be earned. That's
what the word called wham. Means. The image here. We're both sitting
down.
One person has to get up for a reason.
Okay, so
you go ask somebody if there's a thief. I think I said this
yesterday. Actually. There's a thief at the door. Who do you
expect to go get it? Right?
She Mohab says check and see the crew was that mean?
Shouldn't like shackle is like your your second appearance.
Straighten it out. See if he could straighten your straighten it out.
That's really good. That's right. That's really good.
Okay, look at this.
Kim says, leave the door open because it isn't yours to close. I
love that. There's no locking doors, closing doors, barely.
There's no closing doors, right?
And locking the door. For Kids. It's like what are you doing?
That's so private. Alright, and if you're not changing change in the
bathroom, right? So in this thing is that
people don't know how to raise kids anymore, because society is
actually promoting the opposite. They're promoting the opposite
Cova. Regional co Wellmune. They're getting up. They're
constantly up. They're constantly working, protecting, providing,
that is the job of a men. Now I'm not saying every man is going to
be successful at it. And I can totally understand that a man can
be he can be poor. And there's nothing wrong with his masculinity
if he's poor, but he has to put effort. That's the key. He has to
care about it. Right? He has to care.
There is absolutely nothing wrong.
If a guy is down and out, and his wife is rich, there's nothing
wrong with that. But he has to care. That's the key. There's, I'm
when I say there's nothing wrong means it's gonna happen. It's in
real life. It's gonna happen.
I think what people don't realize is like, sand within itself is
just like, even between people. It's a very attractive feature.
Yes. Like, if you see, the girl sees a man who's on sn whether it
be between a lot and then Adrian is like, worldly life. Yeah, she's
gonna look at it and be like, Wow, this is like impressive. You know,
like this is he's on a path and he's trying to achieve something,
you know, I would I would assume that a woman. And you know, I
can't speak for how they think. But I would assume they would find
attractive a guy who's a go getter? Who has a vision, a plan
for this life and this family. Like, what's your plan for this
film? Like, do we are we are we going somewhere? Are you saving up
for tuition? Are you saving up for anything? Are we going to have
this house forever? We're going to have a bigger house, because the
province I sent him did praise a man for expanding the home of his
family. Why? Because you want them to be absolutely comfortable at
home and they need
space, right? Why? Because if they're not comfortable at home,
they're gonna get comfort elsewhere. That means they're
going to leave the house. So you want to have all the comforts in
your own home. Okay.
One has begun to out for everybody here. So may Allah bless this
entire team, she says, I mean, a new to
it is paying and protecting a one to one ratio of importance. What
if someone does one really well? Does that excuse dropping the ball
for others? The issue is, it's all about the belief number one and
the effort. You're not going to always be able to just control
everything, but you have to have the belief and the effort. Okay.
The belief that the headache of all these bills, the taxes, the
property taxes, the Carville's, it's a headache. This is something
that is much easier in this day and age to go on a computer than
to actually go to the end of the street, carry the water back. That
was old days, right? Carry the water on your back. Go get the
wood I loved to the year 2012. When you got when you were young
you but you experienced it. What was the hurricane called? Oh, we
had a hurricane here. Hurricane Sandy, that was one of my favorite
times. It threw us back for one week. I think one week we were out
of power, you know, we would do? I would get in the car with my son
while we picked the whole family. And at that time, we were only
four.
Pack them all and no, we were five. And we would drive around we
have an infant, a baby. And we would all drive around.
And we would go around looking for wood. Me and my son will get out
of the car, open the trunk and we have pile of wood on right. And
then we will go we're like, it's almost as if searching for
provisions. Right?
And we'd all go back home. Right? It was a quest, we'd all go back
home. And we'd have to fireplace up. And I would have to stay
awake. Because the only heat that we had was the fireplace. I was
like this is so awesome. This is the old days. This is the ancient
times. Right. And one time I dozed off, right. And the fireplace in
the woods came rolling down. Right. It was an emergency. And it
was a fun time. Okay, because this is something that we had to now
divide the labor, right.
I think it's actually like, even like, I don't know how many men
would actually be even capable or know how to do that, you know,
like, men nowadays, like don't want to change tires. I find that
to be very edgy. That is a problem. That is a problem. If you
don't know how to do these. Basically, that's why they created
Boy Scouts. Boy Scouts are created to actually help people do these
basic tasks that I don't know what Boy Scouts do now, our boy scouts,
what's
their gender inclusive?
Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts is all Oh,
it's all scouts. Code scouts.
Ridiculous, right? Okay, you're driving with your your wife. Okay.
I wonder even like in the secular world, a guy and his girlfriend's
taking a girl out on a date a girl out on a date. Right? And then
they get a flat tire on the turnpike at 10pm. Right?
Who's getting up?
She's not a proper feminist, and let's exchange at the time.
It ends with real work, right? So now if he goes and changes the
tire, he can feel like okay, I did something that you either couldn't
or didn't want to do. And I could say, could it? I can literally
tell you. When I talked about some of the women whom I can tell you
couldn't they cannot do it. Right. They will they could learn if
there was single ticket but not stupid. It's such a headache. It
is I hate it. Yeah. Let's be realistic about these things. I
love it. I love the all these things, but you have to do it.
So good is asking the root word of Columbus comma. Yes, it is. And by
the way,
sometimes
we don't actually understand what guys have become
the video games. Yeah. And we don't attend the feminist exists
for a reason. Some guys have just they've never talked to me how to
how to be a man. Right? And that's what feminism doesn't exist for no
reason. Yes, maybe bliss is involved. But by the way, there's
a lot of guys involved with feminism in the old days to make
sure that women could go on the workforce so they could text them.
The stroke, right? I read about this. But
so there were guys pushing feminism. But point being is that
if something bad exists, you don't like it. But I don't think all of
the feminist points are terrible. Some things may coincide with this
idea. It's like because the British were really bad to women,
like the British.
You didn't Herot a daughter doesn't inherit. I don't think a
wife inherits like they had some rules. There's everything exists
for a reason. Usually if you see something terrible, it's probably
because something other term something else was happening and
it's just like Marxism like Marxism recognizes
is a real problem that exists. That's true that people have.
Yeah, but it's not the solution itself. It's not the solution.
Yeah. So when I look around at some some guys, I'm wondering,
right, I don't know if you're suitable, right? You're not
suitable. You're not suitable. Like, you don't even have the
belief to believe that you should be doing these things. Kalam is
the root of karma. Yes, it is called my Eco column. So I think
that some of the dads have to actually be, they have to remove
things that are superfluous.
Certain things that are really bad habits. Sleeping in is a really
bad habit staying up all night to play video games at a certain age
Colossae. You shouldn't be doing that. Right? And it's, oh, you're
not up with the time. So why don't we create a trend?
Why do we have to look around the hole where society's going? And
follow?
Oh, well, society is not like that anymore. Okay, how does society
become the way it is? Because some human being no different than you
and me wanted that way. And he pushed it and pushed it and push
it until it changed.
Why can't we create a trend? Like why is it that we're always just
like, when it comes to morals and Islam? Oh, well, this society is
different. Yeah, but why can't we create a trend? Why do we have to
be followers and sheep prophesy censored? Let's check on ima.
Okay, it's almost like this whole, like, men men improvement thing
like this. They have to go to Jordan Peterson. Honestly. That's
right. Like for a lot of these people. That's true. The room is
filthy. Yeah, they don't exercise, right? They sleep in you play
video games. They just what happened to
the dads in this world? What happens to them? How do you let
your son go out like this?
Am I right or wrong?
They got to shake. I mean, like, shame is a powerful thing. There's
like, so like, at the one the one hand, there's like this whole war
against war against shame, which is like, you know, basically,
you know, crusaded by the people on this side of the, I guess,
social, Social Warfare. You know, it's, it's for them, it's always a
double standard, like, they're the ones that are allowed to have
double standards. They, so they, they've, like, shamed the men into
like, such a kowtow. Such like, a genuflect that they like, they
don't feel like they're able to do anything. And it's like, you know,
indoctrinates them so well, you know, it's like the thought isn't
occurred like that they could do anything, or they shouldn't do it.
Yeah. It's also in media as well. Right? Like, yeah, I mean, that's
that's how that's like the main vector of brainwashing is through
movies through Netflix. You have like, all the all these memes that
are like, do you see basically? Oh, they're totally, like, that's
the role models? Because that's what you see on the big screen.
You're gonna be like that. Yeah.
I, the way I look at it is we have their morals are very subjective.
But the Shediac comes and he puts up, we call it an Arabic Hasim al
ummah.
It just puts a line in the sand. You must do this. Yeah. And then
there's Sunon. The Sunnah of the Prophet sighs
in the sense that some of its obligatory, but some of its
recommended some the meaning the general example the authority of
the Prophet, some things a prophet made obligatory upon us, some
things not. Then you have a third category, which I think so this is
so many people are missing this, which is order facade in
the gray area. How do we make a decision in the gray area, we look
at the righteous people. How do the righteous live? If it's a gray
area? There's no common in Sharia for Sona. It's a complete judgment
call. Well, we say what are the sort of Hindu what are the
righteous people do because they know the religion, and they're all
many people. So what their gut instinct comes to, that's what's
good, right? That's what we are. We should go. It's not law. That's
where we should go. All right, Ryan, what do you got? We got a
lot of questions. All right. Speaking of sunshine says, Is it
permissible for a guy to ask his wife to work if they don't need
money, but just to make her busy?
A guy wants to make his wife busy. He's not allowed to go and ask her
to work. No. To work like what
to work like what to go and mingle with some other guys. Like he
wants her to do that, like work.
Making money for another guy warehouse job.
For Bezos, you know.
commanding his wife suggests work
to go and make money for another guy. Why? What is wrong with you?
Right?
Start a business right yeah.
No, no no, by Sharia you're not allowed to make a book club like
start like a you know, like a tea circle like a Brit circle.
Excellent. So many things that you could do. It's yeah. You can only
advise that certain
point a certain things you can only, let's say a guy marries a
woman. Okay, we're not making fun of a woman here, but just given an
example, like almost.
Okay, she wants to sleep until 11am, every single day that she
wants to get up. And by the time she's actually awake and living,
it's 1230. And then she's going to do a jog, and then she's going to
do something else. And by the time it's like three 4pm, she's still
essentially contributed nothing to existence
of society or of the house, right? Or of that, let's say she, he's
rich, and he has a sermon or cleaning,
or cleaning person.
So, in this video, you're at the level of advice, because she has
done nothing wrong, technically, right? You're at the level of
advice, and you say, I don't like this living habit. Okay. What do
you want a CEO? Okay, I don't like what do you want? I want her up at
five.
Having a cup of coffee. She just got on the treadmill by 630. Okay,
she's already, you know, done 10 things.
But this is by at the level of advice, just not obligated to this
things.
Because there's nothing haram about this. You may hate a living
habit for a woman from if a man did the same thing will be
different because Shinya has given us a different rule. If your son
did that, love, let's say if it was my daughter that that I would
say, No, there's not a good living, how we get up, wake up,
okay, at a certain hour in the summertime or something like that?
Which I don't even know why we have summers anymore. Right? I
would say shorten the school day. Yeah, give them more days off. And
let him go in the summer. Right? Like, give him a lot of eight
breaks. Let the let the knowledge marinate, right. Give a lot of
breaks. Shorten the school day, let the subject matter and
decrease homework and add maybe make it 180 days of school. Spread
out short and let subject matters per day. This the I think all
these parents here, we're all suffering. I come home. There's
practice. There's some activity, there's hips, we come home. What's
next? Okay, eat dinner. Okay, what's next? Oh, I got homework.
It's 8pm. What do you mean you have homework?
My homework yet? Okay. What do you have a ditto? No, no, the computer
has to come out. Let's check. Schoology This is the new thing.
Scott.
Schoology. And what's on Oh, I have five assignments?
At 8pm. Yeah, what does it do love 50 9pm. It's Wednesday.
I'm telling you
this, and we're all exhausted. I'm like, my eyes are bleeding.
Because I have to stay up with this.
And we're doing this so I wish we could do this thing where shorten
the school they decrease the subjects. How was it kid? gonna
remember eight subjects? Eight subjects. Awesome. It's nonsense.
seven subjects is okay. Why don't we do break it up. So for like
four months, we did Intensive English. And like five, four
subjects. And the next few months intensive, right? Sounds gonna
shrink the school day.
Eliminate homework, just eliminate it. The homework should be reading
a book, or if it's math, which they don't do anymore at all
memorize certain equations and tables. So I go into my daughter's
homework. And I and they ask a question, but I need help with
this. What does it say? Five times three equals what? They you know
that 15? Check the kitchen little kitchen table chart on the plate
mat chart is 15. Okay, firstly, you didn't memorize that you have
to check it. Why didn't you memorize it? They don't do that
anymore. It's 50. Okay, next question. Why explain why.
What do you mean, explain why is five times do you think, oh, what
law is in effect, when five times three is 15. And three times five
is 15. What law is in effect, the cumulative the associative,
like so they don't memorize the facts. But what they do is they go
abstract right away. That's like an actual abstract though. Like,
even as a math major like I can tell you like It's like that, that
why is basically nonsense. Like this goes into like group theory.
And like you have a certain set of numbers that have operations to
operations that you can do on them addition and multiplication.
Subtraction is negative addition and multiplication and division
has negative inverse multiplication. It's like
nonsense, basically. You don't need to learn why it's just how it
is. So but anyway, they go abstract, but they don't do the
actual timetable. So I would say the homeworks would be reading. So
English is wonderful subject, English and history and a lot of
science could all be one class in many
Ways, right? Yeah. So,
you know, I have no say in the world's education system, but
that's how I would do it. Now, there are some schools that do
that this is private schools, a lot of Christian schools do it.
When is it too late to correct the course of children?
If you're good at persuasion and negotiation,
if you're good
enough, it's never too late.
By negotiations, deals,
make deals. Everyone wants something, or fear something,
right? Fear at some point isn't negative. So people want
something. So you can make deals. You want this? It's a deal. Since
I can't tell you what to do anymore. You're such a big boy.
Right?
Then I don't have to do a lot of things for you either, right? So
let's make a do like and adults, I'll treat you like an adult. If
you want this, then this is you're gonna give me this.
Allah, Allah Allah. To be honest. Kim is asking about the to us will
do. I will say before we leave.
Abby cam says if possible, can you do a little later, the drummer for
the war is at 130.
As they want it later, but Subhanallah it's it's just if the
day's data after if we started later, and we go into four. So
like, if we stop at 330, let's say, sometimes three, we still got
a half to a couple of hours before our night session. Because me and
Ryan have we have a night session in the masjid. Right. And he has
one here for the food kitchen. So we need that few hours to do other
things. And to set up what is the Gehenna visa when he was on the
memes visa and Nebby is to us so by the death of the prophet by the
person of the profits.
What is wrong with you? Oh, she's saying?
I thought she was talking to me for saying she was quoting. Right?
It's right. What happens to the debts these days? SubhanAllah.
When I look around, and I see some of the complaints that people give
me and I'm most of my friends are good dads, right? But sometimes
you can't allow certain things. It's not good. Like why would you
allow this? Like why would you allow someone to have to accrue
bad habits in life?
Like you don't think that that bad habit is going to come back? This
isn't? It's not even we're not even talking about Dean. We're
talking about as a personal bad habit.
Like the like, why are you afraid you feel afraid to talk to
somebody to your own kid about what's right and wrong.
What is your view on molar Eliezer Qadri founder of doubt and Islam?
I don't even not even know him to be quite honest.
Right? * yeah. Man was at school. She's the death of me. You
know what school she also did either used to be a thrill that's
gone now of getting report cards.
Who here remembers the yellow envelopes? Right? With the folder
report card and your son.
And your parent had to wait. And by the way back in the old days,
in my day, you could hide grades, pull it out on the bus? Oh, yeah,
rub it in people's faces. Yeah, you but back in the day, you can
hide grades, I feel bad for my, for my kid, for example, he can't
hide his grades. I log in and look at the exam grade data yet, right?
In my day, let's say you had a bump in the road and you hit I got
a 7083 on an exam or 78 on exam. But I'm pretty much gonna hit the
B plus A minus average. I'm not going to talk about that. 73
right, which put that on the side there. How did you do on the exam?
Oh, I did well, right.
Right. Yeah. hamdulillah and some people you know, they learned
about toady earlier than others. tota is to say something that's
true. But you know, the other person is gonna misunderstand it.
What do you get on the exam? I got an 86 at one point in life I got
an 86 on an exam
in the old days, if you got a
what they call a progress report. That was bad. Like if you got to
see on anything or you misbehaved in middle school you got to
progress report. What was the max the school required? Give this
parents papers you have to have to sign it. Oh, that's really like
secure. Right? I signed all those things right? I'm not encouraging
people to cheat
saying that you just signed all that stuff. And high school they
didn't even require that. So you just get the mail first. I created
a thing in and I never even got at a certain point you just grow up
right? I think was eighth grade stuff stupid. Just grow up and
have eighth grade. Ninth grade was like smooth sailing from then on.
There's no such thing as getting C's talking in class stupid.
You're clueless. You're an adult, right.
So that's stuff where I the bad years were sixth grade seventh
grade eighth grade. Right? It was just bad years. If I look back,
that was bad.
Here's after that you just sort of grew up and you study. But then
those years and I was around some bad kids, we got progress reports,
right? If you just intercepted it, that's all that was, it was there
was nothing like you have to sign it back. Because how's the public
school gonna manage hundreds of kids? They're not gonna manage
that. And then what is it how it seems you're gonna know about the
signatures too. And at some point, they even stopped doing parent
teacher that night back, you know that parents
go to the school.
But I feel bad for these kids. I know the grades right away.
There's no such thing as like, I made a mistake. I can actually
make up for it later on this. It's It's like they have no privacy in
the sense that at some point, how are they going to learn
responsibility if everything about their life is transparent? Right?
Now, it's not to encourage lying, but it's to learn a little bit of
responsibility anyway.
What is a better dua for Toba?
In a lament Robben Island, Satan is too far, or the dua of Satan,
the units
of Satan a unit is for desperation. Do I have no job but
dua say to the so far for daily use, but it can't say which one's
better? They're all amazing. What a shame learning Shangela
something for give us something for All right, give us something
whether it's a da da, give me something for all. Cozy Chloe
talks about homeschooling.
I'm not really much into education, except for one couple
of things. Number one, I want them to be around Muslims. By the way,
we Maliki have Fitz out about this because the French came in. And
they established schools. And the Muslims went and got corrupted in
their heads. The fatawa is that they weren't you're not allowed,
as Mohammed said, we issued the festival of it, the prohibition of
submitting your kids to a gaffer
be under their supervision for that long. Right. They actually
forbade
the federal it's not a ruling on this is a federal, but I will say
I want to be with Muslims, but the school has to be cleaned.
As for the academics, we could fix that at home. Right? Get a tutor
read bunch of books. That's how kids get smart. Do your homework,
right. But school has to be placed there don't get depressed. Because
some Islamic schools, they're depressing buildings. Like I would
not want to be there myself. Okay, for a long period of time. How do
you get rid of tightness of chests much sulla on the messenger peace
be upon him?
110% a Salah and individualized. How much of culture would apparent
expect their children to pick up enough that the general community
would not think they're weird, right? I'm not making fun of the
brother. But you guys were making fun of a guy who didn't know that.
I think Michael Jordan's number was 23.
So I want to make fun of the guy, right? But you the guys, I saw the
guys at the at the gym at lunch after gym. I'm making fun of one
of the brothers. Because he didn't know that Michael Jordan's number
was 23. I don't know that you didn't know? Or yeah, so I don't
know, he may, he may not have known something basic about
Michael Jordan. So you basically you just you didn't you wouldn't
want your kids to be in a setting where they're
something that's the every one of the good Muslims would consider
normal knowledge, basic knowledge. And you get laughed at not Michael
Jordan numbers, not the big deal. But certain things like that
relate to geography that relate to politics that relate to
pop culture, to me is a waste of time III. But even that, why do
you need to be aware of that? Because there's harms there? If
there's harm there, you need to be aware of that. Right? So you have
to have some clue about something right? Or else you're going to be
an incompetent parent. You need to have a clue.
Ryan, what you got? Is it correct to say that storytelling of the
Prophet so that was his wives that this is an exception, it would
this be considered backbiting if women were to do that with their
husbands now?
So is it backbiting if women did that with their husbands now, I
think that the the story of almanzora had become like a tail.
I don't know what the truth of it is, or not if it was a tail, or if
it was truth. So it would definitely be backbiting if a
woman came to your husband, or it was an ancient tale, or is it was
true, but it was ancient.
So these are people that live today. Okay, so from that respect,
it wouldn't have been backed by the even if it was a true story.
But
it would 100% be backbiting if a woman came and spilled all the
news of what's the husbands are doing with the wives? Yeah, that
would be totally haram. I think the question is referring to part
of this as well as like, you know, a lot of Hadith about the Prophet
so son's life at home comes from his wives directly. So
I think the question is like, why would that not be considered
backbiting? I think that is knowledge of what the Prophet did
was his wives because everything that the prophets of Allah when he
was salam does is hood. So what the what the wives of the Prophet
transmit about the Prophet peace be upon him his guidance and his
knowledge? The Prophet in a sense has no personal Yeah, he could you
hit the thing for the phone, the prophesy centum has no personal in
the sense person, all the personal space of the province I sent him
is for us to learn from. Right so
yeah, the prophesy son does not have like, anything that's just
for him. In terms of his behavior, everything is for us to learn
from.
I have another question. Question. Yes.
Someone the path of Allah from Medina, they're asking the
question, what does a person do if their life is constantly negative,
and always has a scowl and raises their voice? And the kids always
snap at the kids all these things? This man is complaining.
That
why you guys laughing at the poor guy?
He's asking a quick question.
I was like the man, this man is complaining. And I'm about to
summarize for the Instagramers. Because they can't always hear
Right, right. He the man, the brother is complaining that his
wife,
or a hypothetical is always in a negative mood. She's sour, she's
got a scowl, look on her face. And she's always snapping at the kids.
She may be unsatisfied in her life for a couple of reasons.
Primarily, I would put, maybe there's something in her marital
life that she's not satisfied.
Let's put that number one.
Okay, because that's what you can fix.
So you ask yourself, and there was a chef, may Allah bless him from
England, he advised all the husbands spend an hour a day at
night, after everything's done with with your wife, or in the
middle of the day, if that's the only time you can spend an hour a
day with what meaning like an expensive time
just talking. Get your wife one small gift a week to show that you
remembered her and you love her. And one sizable gift a month and
out of every seven days one day should be for you to take her out.
Okay? If not the whole day, then part of the day, if not the whole
day, he said, Now, where did he get this from? Part of it is from
the Sunnah, but it's also from the the earshot of the righteous
scholars of Sudan. Okay.
That's his guidance, and that's the word of the husband. So maybe
she's not getting enough attention. That's one thing.
Also look at the living condition, if it's a negative living
condition, so maybe not enough time and effort is being put in,
in the space of this.
Okay. Number three, the spirituality in the house is their
spirituality in the house, there needs to be spirituality, people
are actually happy by spirituality, they're calm,
they're cooled down by spirituality. Number four, look at
the company. If you're always in the company of certain people who
are extremely, you know, well off, that that would make someone feel
inferior. That's not good.
That's not good. Right? Look at now the tasks in the house, look
at the way of living is is it work from not from 5am, when the alarms
go off, 6am 630 until 11pm, because many middle aged people,
that's what their life becomes. I wake up, I'm saying
hypothetically, person wakes up. And they're gotta take care of the
these people now who now live with them, which are called children.
Right? That we got to serve your luck in the service business,
right? In the first morning, first half of the day.
First, the first half of the morning, then you go to work, and
you work until 567 PM, and you come back and you have to prepare
dinner. And that may take you another hour and a half.
Then there's homework, transportation, two different
things activities, and then there's markup.
You reach at the end of the day, you had not spent 10 minutes on
yourself, right? Yeah, that's been 10 Forget it bad.
Isn't this the reality of most people in middle age life from 30
to 55, or something? That's how life is right. So you can't you
gotta have a reason why people are gonna lash up. It's not a normal
way of living. Okay, it's too much. So that's you got to look at
these factors. That is always a reason why people are upset. Now.
If someone is a negative minded person you can admit
cause them to start looking at things as half full rather than
half and what uh, maybe now Matthew to begin with Allah says
speak about the good things in life. You'll get more of them
speak about the good things more things will happen. More Good
Things about
hypothetical friend. Yeah, hypothetical. Mind is asking for
more we get into below who said best tips for memorization, which
we will get to. So and we have continuing the Mars hypothetical
friends here. Yeah.
Okay.
So there's a husband, okay. You worked really hard for his wife to
provide a good standard of living? Yeah, to match, like, what her
upbringing was, yeah. Right. But he's working like
5am 8pm 5am to 8pm. Like, just to bring in money just to bring in
the money. And maybe it gets back home and like, not his zero time
with his wife. Well, that's no good, right.
And, but he does the same time he just tried to make, he does what,
like the advice of spending even a cup, no matter when he comes home
to spend at least one hour with, they're gonna have one day of the
week reserved for her. Right. But she still complains that like,
you're not giving me enough attention, okay, so.
So he could work a little less than, and then but she's got to
know that that is going to come at a cost, you can have him home, or
you can have a lot of money. Most of the times you can't have both.
Most of the time later in life, you can if you haven't if you're
smart, and you invested. But if someone thinks that making money
means working all the time, well, that's not a smart person to begin
with. That is not a smart person. Because the smart people find a
way to make money without working.
It's called Saving up getting investors. Even having an
investment, having a business, hiring a manager right on the
side, the unintelligent person, no offense to anyone out there. But
I'm just saying as a theory, not as what you do in life, what you
do in life as a as a theory, if you believe that work is the only
way to attain wealth, then you're making a mistake.
Okay, work is the first and the bottom of the barrel way to make
to make money. That's about when you do that you save up, save up,
save up, but you have to invest that money in a way that is going
to make your money back. And you have to have a little bit of
creative creative thought, how am I going to do this? There's always
people who want to maybe use your skill in a business, right? Where
and a manager can run it after a while and just making money on the
on your investment. So but oftentimes presence and and a lot
of money in the bank account, a lot of times they do conflict.
People have to understand that I really think we should devote at
least 15 minutes a week to segments called Amar has a friend.
A lot of friends that have a lot of hypothetical questions.
Now tend to be less questions. Best tip for memorization, repeat
the thing that strive to memorize 15 times
read it 15 times then repeat it to yourself 15 times like let's say
it's seven verses of Quran read it 15 times that's one of these these
count count them on your beads 15 times repeat read it then close
them off or covered with a piece of paper and then recite it 15
times each and if you don't know you check it that's usually
shouldn't be get the job done for 567 verses of Quran.
think some people also on the topic of insurance really broke it
down into like two segments. There's the practical tips which
is what you provided. There's also spiritual preconditions to
memorizing, like some people's heart. Quran is contrary to
listening to music and looking at nakedness if you look at nakedness
the Quran will go if you listen because how do you memorize with
your eyes and your ears. And if you curse the three things that
you do with your eyes and ears, the Quran will leave they will not
share space with music.
will not share space with * will not share space
with cursing. If you do these three, the these three things do
not expect to make heads. But if you do these three things, and you
are forcing yourself to make Hibs the other three will leave and bad
food do right yeah, eating. Eating haram in general has a lot of
problems. But if you do these three things, you're stuck with
them you have a bad habit. But you insist on memorizing the Quran the
Quran will eventually expel these three things. So if you do these
three things, don't say well I do these three things so I can
memorize Quran no.
Force yourself to memorize put and those three things will guarantee
why because ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada says that Lydia Nicola to Amazon
sada. So yes, hello. And if you mix the good deed and the bad
deed, and you persist with the good deed, then it will be that
Allah will have mercy on you, and those sins will leave you. Okay?
Because it always says that many women It's just luck.
Life has become a monotonous drag.
And
it's true for so and I feel bad for these people. And you know how
to get rid of this. By the way, I'm curious to the Instagram are
you guys here on MMA and suede when they're talking because
they're like over there, the mic is here. I'm just curious.
So that I have to repeat what they said. But if life is a drag, the
beginning of where that drag ends is in your mind
is by imagining something better, and then working towards it.
That's why I believe that the best medicine for a person is a goal in
life of vision. But in order for your vision to be big, you have to
have a lot of event. It can only be big as you believe Allah's big,
right, it can own your cause. Because if you're let's say, if
you're if I'm if I'm going to jail, if I'm literally physically
in a job, how am I going to have an a vision and well, I'm gonna
have an imagination, I'm gonna leave this jail, I'm gonna lead
this life, this is the life I'm going to lead and when I'm at a
job, now, if I believe only in my own powers, then I'm wasting my
time. But if I do actually believe in Allah's power, right, then I
can imagine as big as I want, okay? Because I believe in Allah
tspo. So that's why it's having a goal in life, but also believing
in the one who's going to give you that goal. And that's why I like
kids with when you see youth, I remember Subhan Allah, a man
praising youth that had a goal, and I thought, What's the big
deal? Right? But there's a reason a person with a goal in life.
Number one is gonna be out of trouble.
Mostly, this person with no goal in life is going to be in trouble.
Ryan, what you got? We'll do two more, and we'll wrap up. All
right, maybe we can do rapid fire because we have a lot of questions
go rapid fire. Okay.
How can you learn about your teenager child if they're going
through teenage boyfriend girlfriend drama.
This person quick is asking you about my teenager is involved in
boyfriend girlfriend drama.
Unfortunately, there's a bad news. And there's potential good news,
the bad news is that this is a little bit late, though, right in
the game.
Because they must be what's the sixth, seventh, eighth ninth
grade. At this point, if there's a boyfriend and girlfriend earliest,
you know, maybe he's middle school, high school.
If they don't believe that, that's something that not supposed to be
doing, or they believe but they're doing it anyway. Right.
And you have no control over because they're doing at school,
then what you need to do is to counter that company that they're
in with better company, that means that they must be taken to the
massage to counter the bad company with the good company, and that
that's not going to change everything overnight, it's going
to take you a year or two countering the bad company with
the good company.
So you're gonna, you're gonna drop them off with the message, right?
For whatever event for no event, go pressure. And it's gonna take
you a while to counter the bad company with good company, and
that will inshallah have a good effect upon them. Next question, I
think the integral of that question was asking how to find
out if they're, if they're doing that, how do you find out Yeah.
Everything that you own is actually mine. And I'm loaning it
to you.
From everything, right?
Everything, so
I can find out.
I'll know what you're doing before you do it. Right.
Next question, right. quick synopsis of gender and directions.
quick synopsis of, of gender and directions, Allah forbid, looking
at the opposite gender, for no reason. Right? For a lustful
reason for no reason. Okay? So if you take that as a guide, because
if you if we're not allowed to do that, and we're not allowed to do
a lot of other things, the lower some of that the logical
consequences of that are going to be enough that you could you're
gonna know where to where to go. Okay, so they also asked about
online so looking online, of course, but what about people who
are texting and they don't see each other? Repeat people who are
texting but they don't see each other? Texting, so they're looking
can't really be okay, a guy and a girl texting. What's the end
result of this texting?
Why are they texting if you notice that okay, we're texting. But
we're gonna we're gonna lower our gaze. So what is the terminal and
what is the nature of the end of this relationship? So they also
considered all that to be haram.
How do you keep one's wife entertained at home when she's
home alone?
Another session to answer that question.
I mean, she's an adult, right?
She
maybe have some kids.
Right? Have some
have some kids, maybe open up some
question. But why would it's another question like, why would
you need to do that for another adult? Like you're an adult? But
why entertained, right?
I think men also just need to be exciting to a certain extent.
Yeah. Like some guys are honestly, just boring. Some guys are boring.
And I don't know about some women, but I'm sure there
were more husbands. Yeah, this is this is true. How do you accept
the other one da you become doesn't come true. You wait. No,
if the opposite comes true, you realize that there's good for you
in the opposite.
Sad concepts are here. If you drop your kids at the masjid they could
be they could become resentful towards the dean. Yes. But I
believe it has to be done with tact. That's true. But I do
believe that.
Eventually, they get over the resentment. I believe that right
when they realize it's good for them. So if my kid is going to
resent something,
I don't mind. I don't I don't believe that that resentment will
stay permanently. Yeah, he'll resent it for 24 hours, you
realize this is life, there are decisions that have to be made.
Okay?
When you have to know that I do know better than you. So I'm not
I'm going to try to clean clear that resentment by having fun in
other ways. But I'm not going to not do what I know is right, just
because they're gonna have resentment. But you just have to
make sure not to drive it too much. Okay, people adapt, people
adapt. So if I said, Listen, as a rule from now on.
We're going to the master twice a week, you're going to attend this
class. And then we're going to attend this whatever family event,
and you're going to attend this teenager event. Right? Oh,
resentment does not feel good in the body. It's bad for your
health. He'll get over it.
You'll get over it. Right? One or two months of kicking and
screaming, you'll get over it. You will adjust. What if we became
poor, and we had to go move into an apartment? Yeah, you have some
resentment for a little bit, you get used to it. So I actually
believe that people, I don't put too much emphasis on the idea that
they're going to resent it. Yes, they won't like it for a short
term, but they will get over it. humans adapt. There are also
special effects to it. Right? There are great spiritual effects.
And once you start feeling those, then you'll accept it. Next.
Someone asked if there's good books in the Maliki method about
parenting good books in the parent about melachim either about
parents read about the rights of parents and it's sort of the
reverse, but there's going to be things that you benefit from the
rights of parents by translated by Romina Sue, is it okay to drink
kombucha juice? Yes, it's okay. What about sauces that have
alcohol? No, that's not okay.
What is the name of the book that was being read today? We read from
a Shema in Muhammadiyah. Okay, Timothy, the topic is a Shabbat
and holiday we read today from Shema, Timothy. Okay, what's the
best
publisher for that? And there's a lot of people publishing a lot of
Mecca books go to Mecca books. Yeah, you can put the link to do
you have any advice, ephedra feels literally impossible, especially
rebirths, who didn't grow up with it as a habit, I would advise you
to sleep more early than usual. Because oftentimes, that's a big
deal. Set up one or two alarms
like set up an alarm and alarm by the bathroom, like your phone and
your iPad.
And drink a little bit decent amount of water not too much, but
a little bit
in the evening in your bladder may wake you up professional. Right.
So sleep a little earlier and set up two alarms. I think Duff also
helps with that make us different during the day doing a lot of us
to fudge on the day Allah will help you in the night. Like like
basically do good a bed in the day be God conscious in the daytime,
Allah will help you in the nighttime.
Is it wrong for a single female to seek or desire Polygamy In today's
age? It's not sinful, for sure. It's all based upon what people
accept. But it's not sinful. The only issue is, how do you
practically do it legally and with the customs of the people, right?
So you have to respect the customs of the people to a sense that you
don't want to cause there are a lot of a lot of things that could
cause some damage. Right? Because damage so you don't want to damage
somebody else. For example, you don't want to
be the one who ruined the life of another woman because she expected
a monogamous marriage. Right.
Okay, that's a reasonable expectation. I think we all expect
that right?
it so you're, could you get that a little better?
Okay, so you have to respect the audit and make sure you're not
damaging people by doing the new thing that you want to do. Like
new in this society, Kansas Lampson tweeted that trials are a
direct result of sins, sometimes not all the times. If you react by
committing more sins, then it is a result than is a punishment, or
it's a punishment. But trials in many times are the results of not
just our sins, other people's sins to like the greed of certain
companies, what are companies people, their greed has caused a
lot of problems in the world. Right? The the lustful behavior,
indulging and lusts has caused a lot of problems in the world. So
trials are oftentimes a result of since the difference between where
did of attorney Erica and say where did that the Prophet
prescribed for instance, a certain formula as opposed to using some
of the time you have with using formulas we find in Hadith such as
wisdom Latif, if you're a tract attached to a sheikh, you use his
wisdom. And if you're not, you use one of the general odes like the
what we have on Safina cited.org backslash with
a man who has not thought of ending but good character and
willing to learn. If given the option, is it better for a female
side of him to choose a learned married man, or a single man of
good character and willing to learn? Well, you got to look at
you got to look at is this are you going to be like poaching the guy
away from his first wife? Is it going to be a fitna? You want to
avoid that? Halal does not mean the route is always okay. As long
as you have to avoid the fitna, right. If you're in, let's say,
Yemen, Saudi Arabia, this may be quite normal. Still, the woman
will be upset. But it's normal, right? It is. It's very normal.
You haven't done something far off a shock that people are gonna need
therapy for ages, right? If you do that, when you do that, let's say
here, it wouldn't, right. It would be like you stole someone's
husband. That would consider that MBA Chuck. So you want to avoid
fitna that's all. That's all it is avoiding the fitna. Okay
I got one more go ahead.
Scenario. I'm finishing uni in a few weeks, trying to find a job,
but it's difficult to find one where I can pray. It stresses me
out. My parents want me to make money and be a career woman. And
they're not married yet.
Yeah, some of the parents have those philosophies, right? They
have those philosophies. So you have to try to make sure that I
mean, I was not in that situation as a woman before. So I don't
know. I can just, I can just give a basic advice. If the parents
wants something and you feel something is the opposite, then
here's the thing, you can do this. If you're doing this, you're doing
it because your parents want you to do it. But they you have to
understand, I don't know if they can force you to do it.
By Cydia, I do not believe they can force you to go out of the
house and be agreeable, let's say all right, I'm tolerating it. When
you marry, you can marry and make a decision with your husband that
is private and they cannot get involved in that.
What if they make the conditions such that it's essentially they're
forcing you but like, they're not
forcing Magua? Like
they're like, Alright, we're gonna start charging rent for this place
for this room. A man cannot charge his daughter rent. That's her
right? A man can't charge his daughter rent.
Are people crazy? I'm just trying to I'm trying to think of examples
here. But it might be just like a lot of like, he can, like
unspoken. It's like, oh, they're poor. No, maybe not even that, but
they're just like,
No,
you're gonna get educated before you get married. So we're gonna
say no to any prospects beforehand. That's a problem. But
I mean, educated as in get a BA. Or get an MD.
Is there? Is there a difference? Yeah. Ba I think that many people
can accept that. $150,000? Yes.
More probably. Yeah. 200 grand difference. If someone says if a
man if a man and woman say no, we're not going to entertain any
husbands until you have a BA. I think that there's some
reasonability to that. I've seen that a lot. But he says you know
you're gonna have to be a doctor before you ever interesting. I
think that's excessive, and people can get involved is that they
shatter you shatter your you say that's like wrong. Yeah, but
surely I think that's wrong.
Cosy. Chloe says, How did you choose the medical method? What's
your decision? I was just inspired by I had a sheikh Hamza Yusuf was
my first teacher really. And in fifth like in like, talking about
this subject. When I went to Morocco fell in love with the city
and the romantic ease and felt that the
The
look at Ryan's cracking up, we're gonna have to know why as soon as
we finished his question, I felt like that's what I want. I want to
be like him. So I was sort of out and then I read the biography of
him. Medicus How could you go wrong? His This is the meth hub of
Medina. Right. So this is actually the first method, even though like
historically, Abu Hanifa is older, but this is the original film. All
right. Can a woman make it a condition before Nikka that she
wants a monogamous marriage? She can say that I want to that it's a
condition in agreement. He has to agree that if you take the second
wife, then I'm automatically divorced. Okay, right. Go ahead.
It's a guy Malik effect. Yeah, he's been here the whole time. So
we started off. He told us how he hunted a book. Yeah, eight years
ago. It took him three days to get it. And he was talking about how
his parents were tough on him with the set your face straight. Yeah.
Yeah, he shared here seven kids do Mashallah. Yeah, seven kids. You
got 700 bucks on some books. This is a man. And then he's Norwegian.
I think because his most recent comment was just, it started off
with I would hate to be a career woman. If I was a woman. Yeah.
It's like my parents telling me after uni, we want you to be a
house husband. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Could you imagine that? Imagine if
we started training sons and became into this sort of thing in
society, train the son to be a house husband. Right?
Can I get that? Can a man charge his son rent? After a certain age?
Yes. If he's capable. Yes, he can charge us on it. But not his
daughter kit. George's daughter. If you're currently not working
nor studying, how do you look for a husband as a Muslim woman
through gatherings of knowledge circles of knowledge. I think we
had a we had a couple of unicity marriages ArcView marriages
ArcView which is just online classes, WhatsApp, and they met on
WhatsApp, right. So we do have that can we do to so three members
chef a meaning through the love of Imam Shafi and by the
you know, our love for Him, Mr. SCHEFFER? Yes, we can do that.
I think that circles of knowledge are the best ways to find people,
because then we have the same belief, same parameters. We go
about things the same way. You can, if you can come to NBC, we
have the Mohammed operation.
First.
Yeah, first, the first Iftar of Ramadan, go to nbc.org and learn
for the people that that aren't interested, like, you know, the
group, like the demographic that are going in circles of knowledge
is not like, like a huge number. Like, it's not a huge number.
Yeah. So it should be easier to find, but what if like, the person
that's like that made the person that's asking isn't isn't
interested in going to that type. Like, they would feel like
duplicitous, because they don't actually care about them. They're
just going to find some guy. What's that? You know, like, maybe
the people that are going there then like, if they're not
interested in actually like, studying or anything like that?
Yeah. I mean, what if the people are not going they're not
interested in studying but they're just going to find another husband
still, that's at least you're going to the right place. So their
hearts in the right place, to to a degree their mind and their heart
is in the right place, because they believe in the alright guys
prepare them. So you have some questions, right.
So I started I studied with him to use at the beginning. And after
911 he, I felt that his direction was more about bridge building
than teaching. Right? So after 911 His direction I think was a bit
different. And there's a tuna University zaytuna college, I
guess soon it'll be a turn University was a little bit
different from his vision of zaytuna Institute, they to an
institute was more like teaching basic deen and knowledge to the
public of Muslim of the Muslim community. So afterwards, so he he
has changes, he's free to change as much as he wants, right? But
what I latched on to was the first part of the hums use of as the
public teacher of FIP and nakida. And he was encouraging to so often
he was preaching really good stuff. That's what I know. Then we
sort of lost touch after that. And he went on the more bridge
building way with Shipman via and now he runs a college, which is
like a liberal arts college. So that's my experience with your
company.
May Allah ease everyone's affairs, okay. And yeah, and I was against
totally the perennialism Quran study Quran, right? The study
Quran is a perennial is its apprentice study of Quran, right.
So that also was not very good for our relationship. He was very
upset that I went against that but and made a big fuss about it, but
I don't regret making a big fuss about it, because it's all
perennialism perennialism is cool for us. Right? There's a lot of
sections where there's perennialism in that book. So it's
unfortunate that the things turned out that way, but it happens in
life.
Okay,
next last question from Ryan, we'll take it from you
get a juicy one.
Okay, so we have a follow up from our
scenario. I think this is good to
solve this. Yeah. And we'll take that one. Then we'll take Lily
shires question about hazard in marriages. Yes, go ahead. So
flower store said, my mom said that she shouldn't get married
until I'm financially stable. You have a mortgage, can't get married
until she's financially stable as more all these families are on.
All these families aren't looked at. Yeah, there they are.
They're almost at Yeah.
What should she do with this is what should she do? She should go
and she should
get someone else involved. Like the Imam of the masjid or
somebody. All right. involved because she's this is, in a sense,
not the right guidance of Islam. To do this to delay people to get
marriage to get married is harmful to them, men or women. Right. So
for this, for this reason, that is like not even that's not even her
job in marriage that you have to have a house. Most married couples
rent
let alone guide Millennials rent. They rent for life sometimes.
Right?
Okay, let's go to the question by Lily Shara. She was saying that
could evil eye cause arguments? Yes. or evil? I can cause
arguments you shouldn't always show the world. Oh, we love each
other so much. Someone could give you hesed. Right? And then you end
up going home and there's an argument breaks out in the car or
something like that.
Right. So
you and I, for the life of me, I don't understand. The husband and
wives that think they're so handsome. And so she's so
beautiful. And they have Instagram, like spouse stuff.
Like
like what they're doing with each other or they do skits.
Adult Why are you doing?
Like they do these little cranky thing is
cute things with a song or something. Tick tock tick tock,
tick tock, tick tock couples, but you're Muslim, right? First of
all, why would you Why don't you believe in hesed? And don't you
believe that you're we're not allowed as Muslims to make people
feel like you have something great. And we all don't. So
there's all these women out there. I don't have a husband as handsome
as him. Who has a BMW. And he's making tic tock videos with his
husband, right?
I mean, you're making all the women feel 95% of the women don't
have what you have, right? And then the husbands, right? The guy?
Why would you want all these people looking at your wife
underprice. I don't have any shame in yourself or like even basic
hire. We don't have that we were not allowed to do this in Islam.
And it's all against all of two. Right? So you want your wife to be
in all these and you're looking at scrolling? Oh, look, look at how
many people are liking this video. They're not liking you. Right? All
the guys on that thing are not watching you. Right? They're
watching her, right? So
I don't for the life of me. I don't understand these people. And
then why would you do something that's time sensitive. In other
words, that once you reach a certain age, you ah, you'd be
weird. If you do it, too. You're gonna fail at it. Because you're
all going on how youthful and beautiful. You are right? You
think that's going to last forever? You're not going to be a
tick tock phenomenon for more than 10 years. Not even
less than that. But if your kids see that, too, it's just a chai 68
says I always wake up at night around three or 4am That's good. I
think closer to 4am you can get up for judgment if you wake up smack
in the middle of the night. It might not be good for your health.
But if you wake up towards the end of the night, three four or 5am
Wake up do some drop do some 200 is in my bed as you're eating in
animals at ease. Yeah, actually. lecture about animals that easy.
Yeah, yeah. Scholars saying that.
They're like, depending on if you're only waking up for an hour,
yeah, then you wake up like right before bed. But if you're staying
off like a third of the night, or like, half of the night then you
should wake up and suit an hour before measure so you're not
tired, you should sleep You should sleep a little bit. You can sleep
a little bit before foot. And this is like the time of like
concussion thoughts. Yes, it is a time it's a great time for a
better
great time, end of the night. And then it especially if you sleep
early and you sleep well and then you wake up towards the end of
that you feel really refreshed and you have a powerful a bed at that
time. Then you sleep a little bit then you get to prefetch and then
you go about your day if you have to.
Okay, thank you all very much. There are a couple of questions.
We couldn't get to everybody unfortunately today.
But we got to a lot of questions such as well, can you explain to
Baton Rouge in today's age today
Rouge has never changed to Baton Rouge is that to show the part of
your body you're not allowed to show to the people. That's what
what's called to leverage the hour that you're not allowed to show
you showing it right to people. So that's that's basically what
somebody does. It's the same thing as it always was. And
oh, well, that's the society is different. Well, what do I care
about the society? They don't live the way we live? They're not
expecting the reward we expect? Yeah. Right. They're not fearing
what we fear. And by the way, they're not even examples you
want. Would you trade? A random Muslim family life for a random
American Family Life? Right, would you I wouldn't? Would you trade a
random Muslim family life from Central Jersey? For a random non
Muslim family life or Central Jersey? Even if it was like
chaotic, they're just stuck. Like even a chaotic Muslim family that
prays in the mosques? Chances are alcoholism is not a problem.
Chances Are? Yes, I'll tell you what, even if pious Muslim family
weed may be a problem for some of the children. Right? That's
unfortunate. It's terrible, right? Alcoholism like a drunkard.
I highly doubt it in a pious Muslim family that prays in the
mosques? Probably not right, even when they're nominally Muslim.
Right, but they got you got a Muslim cousin who's a good Muslim
who pulls you into things, chances are, you're not going to have
alcohol problems, right? There's a lot of things I think that we take
for granted. So why do I care what the rest of society says when I
believe that they're not great examples on how to live? So I
actually don't care what you think. The only reason is that you
guys have a bigger military than the Muslim countries. At the end
of the day, that's what drives culture. Because military drives
currency, currency drives culture. Right. And that's why people
aren't sort of tiptoeing around the culture. We'll go back to the
root of it. That's really the root of it. But if I'm going to
actually look at the results, we need to get that brothers and WD
40.
That shares if I'm going to look at the results, right?
Yeah, no, the results are not there. They got they got really
got issues and their family. I'm not making fun of them saying
that's like, You're not an example. That's all I'm saying.
The general culture is not an example.
All right, folks, does that come along? Karen?
By the way, there's always a lot more people around three o'clock
230 and three o'clock. We have four hours of live stream in two
days. Oh my gosh.
All right, folks, does that come off here and Subhanak Aloha
mobile, I'm dig
into the software. What else in Santa Fe Of course, letting me
know on the site I had, what was our hub? What was sub sub set up