Shadee Elmasry – Mothers’ Hour, Being Mom 6
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AI: Transcript ©
Thank you, guys. So funny. All right, so now my day come
Rahmatullah you better care to Allah subhanaw taala is peace and
blessings be upon you. Now, last week we spoke about how to use the
language of empathy. Remember, we said empathy, before our mind or
the logic or the common sense says we should do this. We stop and we
try to be what merciful, we try to use our hearts, our emotions, our
care before our mind. Alright. And today, inshallah we will discuss a
new approach, right, on how to instruct and raise our kids. But
first, let's look how do we instruct our kids right now, there
are certain methods that we follow, and I would like to
display them with you first, with myself, she you don't want to hear
them.
She's like, I don't want to hear them. I don't hear them either.
But let's list them first. Okay. And we say we do this. And we do
that. And then look how the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam, how he dealt in these situations. So basically, today is
a new approach again, on instructing our kids, right, we
spoke before about empathy, we spoke about, you know, a lot of
all these things.
Yeah. So now let's try something else. And let's start when they
were young, how did we instruct them? There's certain methods,
right? That a lot of us what usually do, either the language of
blaming and admonition, you know, you know, if you did this, and
other than this wouldn't have happened, you kind of like, always
blame your kids, if you had listened to me, this and that
wouldn't have happened. If you were just following my
instructions. If you had gone to bed early, you're always blaming
them and making them feel guilty about something, okay? For
example, please don't do this, or else I'm going to be upset with
you or eat this from like, there's something there's always that
conditioning. Remember, last time, we said, you have to take that
there's no condition for the love. I don't care what you're doing, I
still love you. I don't care. Even if you're on drugs, I still love
you. Okay, it's not because you're doing your homework, I love you.
Or because you're listening to me, I love you remember, we said we
have to take that condition. Okay, and they have to understand that
we don't we love them just because they're that not because it's
based on something they have to achieve. Or otherwise we would we
give commands, eat, drink, sleep, go to bed, brush your teeth,
finish your homework, then finish your homework again, and finish
homework again, which never finishes and so on. Okay. And
another method that we all use when they're younger is
threatening, if you do so and so you'll get time out, or I'll
cancel your play date. Or when you misbehave, and you know, they must
be even public, you give them that look, you know, like God help you
when you get home, you know, find embarrassing me in public. So
there's this threatening tone, you know, you do this, there's a
punishment for that. Okay? And this is all when they're little.
But when they're older, in their teens, or even their 20s, is it
possible to continue using the same methods that we use with them
when they were children? Or do we have to change our methods? So
what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to try to list with you
the methods that most parents use, if not all of them, okay? And I'm
not saying that all these methods are wrong. And I'll take examples
of parents with their sons and have a closer look at an approach
because I can't just keep on lecturing you telling you this
method that methods, okay, I want to give you examples of things
that we hear in our daily life and things you might have even heard
with your own children. And then we can go from there. So the first
approach is admonition and blaming. Okay. And I'll give you
an example. A mother's selling her daughter again. You did it again.
You put the fries in the fryer, and you left them till they got
burned. Who are you drink daydreaming about? Where's your
mind? Are you going to set the house on fire? Blaming admission?
Why? Why did you do this? Where are you? Why don't you like you
just kind of having that you finding that fault with your
child? Okay. And usually the girl replies, and this is nowadays, and
hopefully none of our kids are like this. She's like enough
yelling, please. Yes, I was daydreaming. You know, kids are
very, you know, you're about kids and cello. They're not ours. But I
hear a lot of kids. So I was like, Yes, I was daydreaming, you know,
like, what do you do? In other words, what are you going to do
about it? You know, her responses are not very becoming. And it's a
way that is rejected by all of us as parents, of course, right? This
is the first method, okay, you're blaming them the second method,
giving them instructions in an annoying way. For example, father
telling his son, I'm warning you, if you hang out with these kids,
again, we'll end up having a catastrophe. And we'll be
searching for you in the police departments. And at that point,
I'm not going to be responsible for you. So you're instructing
them keep away from this gang of children. Right? Okay. But
basically, you're saying in what way? You're seeing it in an
annoying way. You're just kind of like getting under their skin. And
you can imagine what kind of response a teenage boy would say,
I'm not saying, you know, he'll be saying, What? What do you know
about my friends? Wilson, these are my friends. I've known them
all my life, you know? Or maybe he'll say in his head. How about
your friends when you were young? How are they very possible a
teenager would say that in their head. And this is most of the
time. Very possible. You'll hear this like, how about your friends?
I think kids think these things we were kids and I'm sure at some
point of life we thought that way or not even if not necessarily
like you think you know everything. And you have all these
conversations inside you
Here's what you can say to your parents, of course, you know, now
the third method is threatening. If studying in your opinion isn't
important. Getting allowance in my opinion isn't important. The
father what he didn't say directly, there's no allowance,
but he's hinting to him in this manner. The sons response, but of
course, in his head would be what's your of the when? Am I ever
going to leave this house and get off their control? So I can have
make my own money, and I don't have to worry about getting money
from them. And this and that, right? How many times have you
thought that when you're, you know, rounded, or, you know, like,
take allowance for a week for something silly you did. That's
what teenagers think like, the fourth method is what commands
turn off the TV right now and go study the sun's response, I'm done
studying, or I don't feel like studying or I'm tired, or this is
my best show or whatever. The fifth method is lecturing, we've
all had that one, you give your son or daughter a long lecture,
this is wrong, because so and so. And when we were at your age, we
would never have to wait for anyone to tell us what to do, or
what our responsibilities are, my mom would look at me and with the
look, I would knew, I would know what you wanted me to do. And you
just sit them down there, and you just keep on going and going and
going until you become just like the background noise. They don't
hear you anymore. Okay. The sixth method, which is one of the worst
is belittling them and making fun of them. Okay, for example, you
forgot to lock the car again, after you parked it, you're an
irresponsible person, don't stand there staring at me go to your
room, you've been little them, you make fun of them in it, maybe it's
not really making fun of them. But you kind of make them feel a
little about themselves.
The seventh and last method, again, a very bad one, a mother
telling her daughter, this is why your sister is better than you.
This is why people love your sister more than you. Because
she's more organized. She treats people with respect. And she does
and she does. If you act like your sister, you'd be way better people
would have more respect for you comparing, and I'm sure we all do
that. Look at your sister, look how she finished your homework
while you're finishing your homework. Look how she did this,
why aren't you doing that you're always comparing even just with
siblings and Subhanallah, you don't know what you are doing
between the hearts of these two kids that are underneath your
hand. We think we're trying to motivate them. But what we're
doing is we're putting jealousy and envy in one of you know, one
of their hearts towards the other. Okay, you have to be very careful.
I know, I might have given you some difficult rough examples, you
know, not necessarily what we'd like to hear or what we can hear.
And it's not necessarily what all parents do. But in general, when
we are directing our children, our method usually rotates around one
of these seven methods.
The word come think about it in your head, go through your day to
day What did you do with your kids? It has to be related either
instructing or blaming or something. You know, sometimes
direct commands are sometimes belittling, or making fun of or
comparing or giving a lecture, all of them basically, exactly. You
know, depending on what your kids are, how they act up, you never
know what I want to say. And before I start saying this, of
course, or saying that these methods are wrong, I want to
remind all of us also as as you know, even if we had to go through
this with our parents, that we have to remember what
better for our parents or honoring our parents and obedience and
respect. The fact that I don't agree with these methods doesn't
mean that we don't respect them. Okay? Okay. You never know it. You
know, it could be that tear that caused you know, you caused your
mother to shed it's the one that could make you not even smell the
scent of heaven. So you have to be very careful. Okay? Yes, maybe you
don't like the way they talk to you. Maybe you don't like the way
they treat you. But that doesn't mean you have better free you
don't have their free parents can you might have different opinions,
different political views, different religious views. As you
grow older, maybe you become more closer to God and they think
you're crazy. You're being brainwashed or you think you have
different political views and then you they are like you don't
understand what you're going and you just go into the hole. This
you know, dilemma going back and forth. You have to be very
careful. Maybe they don't speak to you the way you would like but
your duty is honoring them. Having bitter towards them. Okay. So
never ever take what I'm going to say as an excuse to treat them in
any way that displeases Allah subhanaw taala Okay, so Allah
subhanaw taala says with wala taco llama often Wollaton Rama do not
what? Like yell at them or do not say off to them the word Huff like
the huffing itself, okay? You're ordered by Allah subhanaw taala to
obey them, you're praying and you're fasting, you're not
accepted. Or they're basically pointless if you disobey them. And
not as long as they're not ordering you to do something to
displease Allah subhanaw taala Your duty is to obey them. As long
as you nothing you don't pray, don't floss, whatever it is, Your
duty is to obey your parents. Okay. So now that I have said this
to us as sons and or daughters, basically Okay, I have to go back
to us as parents again. Now us and I have to tell you that these are
not the right methods and I'm telling myself before you came to
us with your children, and I also want to tell you that there is a
way or a better
Her method gets way, way, way, way better, and way effective and more
powerful. And that making fun of your kids and belittling them,
especially in front of their siblings, I'm not going to say in
front of other people but in front of three siblings, or putting them
down or threatening them, or ordering them around or lecturing
them, that there is a way better way than that. And that is a
prophetic way by the prophet Muhammad, Ali Salim. And the
Prophet Muhammad SAW, I seldom used it. And it's the origin or
the basis of dealing with the youth, with everyone in general,
the main theme that we have to put down very clearly in front of our
eyes, is a principle called respect and appreciation.
You mean to the elders? No. I mean, to the youngsters, respect
and appreciate them, you are respectful, you are appreciated, I
respect you, you're very dear to me, I appreciate you, I deal with
you. And when my mind your something big, I deal with you as
if you're somebody who is an immature and you're responsible,
even if you are what, even if you're at the age of five,
to the mid 20s, believe me, even if God forbid they reach the worst
levels of addiction, you have to continue with them on this path, I
respect you. Because there is no other solution. Other than that,
believe me with this principle, the big become bigger, okay. And
also those who are young or little, they become big as well.
And I mean and status, because at the end of the day, everybody
wants to be respected. Huda who likes to be a little humiliated,
or make fun of how does your child feel when you yell at them in
public, or embarrass them in front of somebody, or they do something,
it's not just because you want to embarrass them, they do something
that just drives you totally insane, totally inappropriate in
public. And you just lose it and you just yell at them, or you grab
them by the hand and go somewhere to yell at them, and embarrass
them in front of your friends. How does your child feel like
SubhanAllah. Inside every human being there are enzymes and
hormones that scream out for Respect, respect your children,
let them grow with a good balance of respect. So they don't end up
filled with a taste of humiliation, and end up being
always a child who is irresponsible. You have to fill
them with respect. When they feel respected, they become more
responsible children. And I'm not saying it's easy. It's not easy
when your child is like throwing a tantrum in the middle of the
street. And you know, and going crazy and whatever, you know, and
they're not listening to you and half the world is watching you see
what you're doing? Are you What are you going to do with this
child? It's not easy to respect them? Or when they answer in a way
that you're not, you know, they're not supposed to answer you. Or
they have an attitude. It's not always easy to respect them. I'm
not saying it's easy. And there's a really nice saying in Syria,
which says what make him big he becomes big Kabul Yep. But okay.
Or somebody's got to make him small, you become smaller. If you
belittle your child and always say, oh, no, you can do this. Oh,
this is too much for you. Oh, no, you can do it. They're going to
always believe that they can do anything.
That when you tell them, you can do it, I know you can do it. This
is the way you do. Go and try. You know, this thing for me is my
daughter like pouring out chocolate milk. I'm so afraid
about chocolate milk. It's gonna make a huge mess. stains of
chocolate. My worst nightmare for any mother. Okay, it was OCD. But
then after a while, I just realized how scared my daughter
was to pour out some chocolate milk into a cup. And I decided you
know what, she's always going to be afraid to do it because I made
her afraid. So I went and told her pour for yourself some chocolate
milk. She's like, but I'm going to spill I was like, it doesn't
matter. If you spill you spill, you get a napkin and we wipe it.
We'll clean it up. We'll scrub it. And she looked at me he's like,
Are you sure I can? I was like, yes, you can do it. And
subhanAllah after a couple of times, she now just goes and pours
her own milk. It's what you make them believe if you make them
believe they're incapable. They're always going to be incapable. But
if you give them that respect and make them feel that they're
responsible and appreciated, they can go way beyond that you think
Subhanallah even with little kids I'm not talking about teens or
adults I'm talking about even from little kids. This goes all the way
to teenage age, you know, ages okay?
So
I'm sorry. So the principal is from the Prophet Muhammad So Salah
Okay, the seven methods we just said from comparing threatening,
blaming, commanding, emulating, lecturing or directing annoying
matter. Okay, give me one Hadith, in which the Prophet Muhammad
Salah Salem states that this is the way to instruct your children.
From the hundreds and 1000s of Hadith there's not one Hadith that
tells you this is the way you're supposed to treat your children or
even if you know one Hadith that stated the Prophet treated
somebody like that didn't happen once. So I want to come here and
present thoughts to you that have been proven by you know studies
and psychology and embodied by the Prophet Muhammad Salah lots of
studies have been done about this you know, respect your children
appreciation to your children go and look it up psychologist they
prove this is the best way but then it's embodied by the Prophet
Muhammad says I would like to link it to something that we you know,
we can relate to in our religion. No, always bring it back to you
know, home kind of, okay.
So psychology, you know, psychologically, you know, our
psychology is theoretical, but
No one applied what I'm going to say like the Prophet Muhammad has
had limited the concept or the principle of respect and
appreciation. And let me tell you about it and prophetic story so
you can actually relate and understand what I'm talking about.
Because simply stating methods isn't sufficient to explain and
clarify if I tell you, Okay, respect and appreciate, okay, give
me an example. How, how do I deal with it when this happens when my
child responds to me, what do I do? You know, so once the Prophet
Muhammad I send them was sitting with the companions, and they were
very, very thirsty, and they needed water. And among the
companions, was sitting who have worked with Sadiq, Armorican
hottub sadly, Mohammed or vitamin Jarrah, the greatest of men like
these are very, you know, like the big men, you know, big shots as
they say, Okay. And it's really hot, and the Prophet Muhammad
Salim asked for water, and they bought him a container of water.
Now on the Prophet Muhammad SAW sometimes right hand is sitting
who, the young men 10 year old child, young men, okay, back then
they called them young men, because they were men. Okay.
Remember last time, when the boy went to who was it was Italian and
we told him I can remember. And he told him, I want to go out with
you to the war. And he's like, we don't take little kids go back
home, remember, and he was the one who saw that, you know, the
prophet, and he saw whatever in his dreams. So now a young man 10
year old sitting on the right hand of the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam.
And in Islam, we said, we have a system. We said this previously,
maybe in the previous set of lectures, that anybody when you
enter somewhere, giving sometimes you always start with the person
on your right. When you offer something to somebody, you always
start with the person on your right, that's Islamically. That's
the way it's done. Okay, and then you keep on going around. So the
Prophet is supposed to start with his right, he drank, and then he's
supposed to pass the water to the person on his right. But the great
man sitting, it's not appropriate. You know, like, if you know, if
you're sitting and your dad or your mom is sitting, you first
give your mom and your dad who cares about the children, they
don't even exist, they're not there. You don't even see them
anymore, right? Your mom and your dad is there, or you're somebody
who's important or older, or an uncle or an aunt, your kids don't,
they're not even there to you, right? So
I'm just imagining your child comes up, Mom, I'm thirsty, I'm
thirsty, what are you gonna do? Like, be quiet, you know, have
some manners and you've touched them and go back to your rooms.
Not this time. It's not your time and so on. So forth. Okay. But
let's look what the Prophet Muhammad says salam did. So it's
the principle of respect and appreciation we're going to hear.
He looked at the boy and he told him what would you allow me to
start with the elders? Did you get it? Will you the little kid allow
me the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. To start with
the older people. The Prophet Muhammad Salam is asking
permission from a 10 year old.
And I think this sentence could be elaborated upon in a book, just
about respect. Would you allow me 10 year old
to the Prophet Muhammad, I said, No. If you use this principle, the
right way, it will open for you doors and doors with your
children. Your child will feel respectable, he'll feel he's great
in your eyes. And when he arrives, he'll feel like I want to, you
know, I don't want to sorry to disappoint my parents, and look
little in their eyes because they give me respect and I don't want
to lose that. No one wants to be disrespected. No one, think about
it. Would you allow me to start with the elders? And it seems that
this boy was raised with the same aspect to be respected. And he
responded No, absolutely not. Why? He said, I would never give up my
share of you to someone else. How can you the Prophet Muhammad said,
I'm like drink and give me from your blessed hands. And then I
give that up to someone else? No, I'm sorry. It's my right. I'm on
your right hand side. I'm respected. No. Do you get it? Do
you see how these people raise their kids?
Subhanallah
the mentality for 10 year old or 10 year olds nowadays, how are
they?
I don't want to ask, okay. If you tell your your 10 year old now,
can I give the Elders first he'll smile, or he'll turn red and shy
out and won't be able even to respond. You won't even know how
to respond or what to respond right or wrong. That's how our
kids are right? But this child is all out there. And that's why they
had an ummah that led other nations. They were respectable
people, would you allow me? No.
Simple as that. So what are you going to do a prophet of Allah? He
looked at the elders sitting in said to them, it's his rights.
I'll begin with him. It shall be a golem drink. Oh, boy. This is
right. I'm sorry. I can just pretend he's not there.
Do you see the concept I want you to just kind of like analyze a
little bit in your head.
Try to picture it. Ahmad and Abu Bakr, Natalia, all these great
people like would you allow me? What kind of respect do we give
our kids? When you're talking with someone and they come to you?
You don't even pretend that they're there right now.
Because How dare you're interrupting me when I'm talking
to someone older we'll come back to that in a minute. A great
principle Subhan Allah by Allah if we want to renaissance in our OMA
we have to use this principle in our raising our kids and believe
me if our kids and youth get used to being respected forget about
OMA being getting you know if they get sorry used to being
disrespected there's no way we're gonna get anywhere they're gonna
used to be getting you know I don't get respect I'm not
important doesn't matter who says what to me. So what it's very
important if you want to change the future of our countries of our
nations of our OMA you have to respect your children and you have
to give them that self confidence and better themselves so they can
change they can make a better change because the way we're going
right now with our OMA is just going downhill. And I guess you
can all agree with me. Watch the news and you see what's happening
all over the Muslim world Subhan Allah. Now I will share with you
another story from the Prophet Muhammad so Salam, the day Allah
subhanho wa Taala ordered the Prophet Muhammad Salim to inform
his family about Islam, one that actually radical Acrovyn inform
what your near kins he called his name privately for three years,
right? He was calling people to stand privately for three years.
And now after three years, Allah is ordering him to announce it
what publicly to everyone. So the Prophet Muhammad salah, gathered
all his family, Abu Lahab and his aunt Sofia and all these people
that people are very high status and rank their, you know, people
who are out all out there and Quraysh like, you know, you know,
like the heads of courage, alright. And you told them this
famous saying what, by Allah, if I misled the people, I would never
mislead you mislead you, sorry. And if I lied to the people, I
would never lie to you. I am a Warner of or you know, a warner or
presage to you afraid punishment in telecom. Now, the year when
they knew they had airborne, it, they think it was, I'm the
Messenger of Allah, Who of you will be my ally? When you are
hidden? Right? You're talking to all of these people.
No one stood up. Absolute silence.
And then a middle of this, a seven year old boy stands up. And he
says what? Annette Oh, hey, look, I'll be your ally.
Everyone started laughing. like who is this little kid? Who are
you? Okay.
What will you do a prophet of Allah? I mean, we should I mean,
you're talking about Sofia and Abu Lahab. And all these people. And
this little seven year old stands up. He held out his hand to him.
And those who are laughing were silenced in astonishment. What is
this? Your seven year old, but you're respected. You're
appreciated. Even the fact that you want to be my ally. I
appreciate that. And I respect it. And who is the seven year old?
Anybody know? I live in Abu Saleh.
Ali walked up to him. And he placed his hand in the Prophet
Muhammad SAW someone's hand. Imagine if we raise our kids like
this, this world must definitely change. There's no way it can
change. Okay, because kids raised like this will never accept when
they grow older to be ever disrespected in their communities
and in their countries. The Prophet Muhammad wa salam shook
his hand on this promise. And this is the same seven year old, whom
you laughed at and made fun of that in a few years, we'll be
opening hybrid. Remember when we're saying about hybrid, and how
we were talking about alumina? We told him in the past session we're
saying it was I think it was hybrid was it and he'll be the
Caliph of the Muslims, every single one of the battles. Allah
subhanaw taala had sent out the first day say that Mohammed got a
little bit ill. And I think it was I can't remember was a hybrid or
more I can remember one of the one of these battles. And they had
like all these like, barriers, right? And they had supplies that
could last them for a year the armies and basically he said the
first day, you know, Roebuck was a div or was America remember, he
came back there was no victory. The second day he sent him again,
there was no victory. And then the third day, what happened? Say no,
Muhammad said, Tomorrow, I'm going to choose a person who Allah
subhanaw taala loves, and the Prophet loves him and he loves
along his prophet. So everybody was trying that night to kind of
like, you know, stand on the front of the Prophet Muhammad. I said,
I'm like, is it gonna be me, it was gonna be me. And then the next
day, he did what he called to say, Now earlier, we told him and he
told him what it's go and get us, you know, victory. And don't turn
back. Right. So basically, and I don't know if you guys remember,
I'll say two was funny kind of Satan. It was very, very obedient.
So he left on his horse. And then after he left, he remembered, what
am I going to fight them over? But the prophet said, Don't turn back.
So what was he going to do? He started riding backwards with his
horse, because he doesn't want to disobey what the Prophet Muhammad
Salim said it was one of the funny things and he went to the actual
handling was going to victory. And it came to a point where he was
actually they said he was holding one of these big gates like his
Barrett his shields, his armor that he was carrying fell down. So
he carried one of these gates and he was fighting with it. And they
say that after, after the battle was over, seven of the greatest
men went to lift the gate. They couldn't even lift it from the
ground. That's how strong we thought it was Subhanallah but
basically, this is the seven year old. He was treated with respect
and appreciation and
He becomes the character of the Muslim he's the one who opens
hyper Subhan Allah. And this is the chart that the Prophet will
tell him in the near future. You are to me as Haroon is to Moses
SubhanAllah. Why? Because he's a man. Why did he become a man
because he was raised to be respected. And he was raised in
the house of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, if you guys
know, okay, it's this is the principle that they were raised
upon. And believe me, just like my friend, thank you so much.
Your child will always remain in your arms, as long as you live
because you give him something, his hormones long for respect. As
long as you give them respect, they're always going to come back
to write another story with the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam, when a
little girl would come to him and hold the Prophet Muhammad SAW
someone's hand and pull him to the markets, so he could buy her what
she wants. He'd never pull his hand away from her little hand and
he would go with her to the market and buy what she needed. Nowadays,
you'll hear a father saying what? I don't have time for shopping. I
don't like the mall here, take the money and go get what you want.
Right? Isn't that what happened? Right? Go with your friends. Get
what you want. I hate to I don't like shopping. Somebody issue. But
is this the Prophet Muhammad I sent them going with a little he's
a prophet. He's a messenger his major duties and so far he has
like his family has so many things to deal with. But the little girl
caught him or her little you know, Fatah should come and hold his
hand like pulling him. I want to buy something. He would leave
everything you'd leave this Hobbit and go with her. He respects her.
He appreciates her. What kind of a girl would that turn out to be
somehow I think about it. Okay. And you'll tell me this is only
for the people he knows. No, it's not not just for his family,
looking what he does Subhanallah sai Salam with a young man. He
doesn't know, a young man. His name is Edward ofera. Allah
Hardaway.
And he's the one who's narrating the story. And he says, I wasn't a
Muslim. And I wasn't sure if the religion Islam of Islam was wrong
or right. So I went to Medina to ask, he really wants to know the
truth. He traveled all the way to Medina, and you're talking about
traveling that could take you weeks or months and carrying, you
know, having to prepare food and so on so forth, trying to find out
the truth. Okay. So I found the profit on the top of the member,
the place that they give the hot giving.
So I said, Oh, Muhammad, I have come as a stranger, a youth asking
about his religion. He doesn't know what his religion is. I would
have asked as he looked at me, and mind you if I would have hated
what? He didn't say All prophets like, oh, Muhammad is yelling in
the middle of a football. Okay, can you imagine if one of your
kids speaks in the middle of a condo with the old sister aunties
would do?
I don't even go there. Like, what have you done? You haven't raised
your child properly. The other ones like she's two years old. She
doesn't understand where we are. Yeah, you know. So what happens?
He interrupted him during his football. And I can so relate to
the seven methods when I talk. You know, you listen, don't interrupt
me when I'm talking, or totally ignoring your child. Again, as I
said, you can't even hear them. You know, since they're rude, and
they're interrupting you while you're having what? I didn't
conversate conversation with someone older, you don't even
deserve to be replied to I'm talking to your aunt. Can you see
me talking? No. If your child talks to you say excuse me one
minute, my child needs to do something. They need something.
Yeah, tell them of course, they're not supposed to interrupt, but if
they come and do interrupt, don't just ignore them. Don't ignore
them. Don't just say oh, you're not worthy of being answered. To
know they are worthy them to them with some maybe to use something
silly because her brother took you know, her pencil or I don't know
who fell were to them. It's their world. It's something important to
them. So don't be little it. Stop what you're doing and give them
that attention. And eventually they'll stop interrupting your
child hopefully. Okay. So this is again, this is whole the you know,
the whole thing. lecturing. When I talk you listen, you be quiet. You
don't interrupt me, no, stop and listen to your children. It's not
a big deal, the adult in front of you is not going to go anywhere.
And if they get upset, you know what, they get upset. It's okay.
It's not a big deal. They can get over it. But your child needs to
feel that they're respected if they need your attention. Excuse
me, just Woman Yes, honey, what do you need? And not in a bad way?
He's like, What do you want? You know, like, why you're totally
giving them the glare? No. What do you need? Honey? Is everything
okay? Give them that respect, make them feel that they're important
what they have to see you as important. Okay, so a Buddha says
he looked in my face. And he knew I was serious. Like also like,
don't go fooling around. And you know, like, Mommy, mommy, like,
just for the fun of saying Mommy or like, you know, feeling your
skirt or whatever. You know, the fabric. No, like, he felt that he
was serious. Okay. So, he looked at my face, and he knew I was
serious. Now imagine what he did it for somebody. They're like, No,
the Sahaba Of course, looked at him like what is what is this kid
doing? What does he think? You know, how could you come and
interrupt the Prophet Muhammad, so some of them left his hotbar and
all of those who came to attend the hotbar he talked about a
masjid full of people. He left them, okay. He walked down the
member. I would have asked us this and he came to me and he said,
Bring me a chair.
And they brought him on
He sat in front of me, teaching me with a loud voice. So all those
who were attending could what? could hear? What did the Prophet
Muhammad Salim do? What did he do?
All he did was he moved his head but from the member down to the
middle of the mystery, if you think about it, that's all you
did. Really? He changed the place.
Okay, now, but imagine what happened to a roofer has heart
with this move that he did
I respect you.
I didn't just ignore you. How could you interrupt me? I'm in the
middle of a club. No.
I would love to everybody who's listening. I came all the way to
you. And I still gave my hotbar teaching about Islam. Everybody's
still benefiting. But I came all the way down to you to listen to
you. And this is again the Prophet Muhammad Ali Salam, if he is doing
this, what should we be doing? As his followers?
You see the respect how far it goes to the extent of it.
And I would have asked as he continued teaching me till he
said, do you understand a hint? And if I had to have kind of like
a wish for him? Do you understand like a hint? He's kind of like a
softness about it's upon Allah? Do you understand? So I replied, Yes,
O Messenger of Allah. Okay, I was calling him Mohammed. And now I'm
calling him what? Messenger of Allah, then he walked back to the
member and continued his,
you get it.
You're not a nobody.
You don't exist, you do exist. And you're great. You have a great
value to me a value that I understand and cherish. That's the
way you have to deal with your kids. And again, I'm not saying
it's easy. But you have to put that in mind. You have to start
working on yourself for their sake. Basically, the day you have
a child, you start actually raising yourself again, it's not
about raising your kids, because your kids basically imitate what
you do. If you're yelling, you're going to find them yelling, if
you're fighting, they're going to be fighting with each other. If
you're screaming, they're going to be screaming, if you're mean to
each other, they're going to be mean to each other. They're not
doing anything other than just imitating you can lecture them
from here till tomorrow, it's going to go from here, come out
from there, and at the end, they're going to copy what you're
doing, not what you're saying.
You have to be very careful. And I know consider this Jihad isn't the
problem. The house has no music say what when you come from the
battle, seeing what we have come from the minor jihad to the bigger
Jihad and see what is the bigger Jihad always like struggling with
your own self. Jihad is not going and fighting in a battle. No, it's
struggling with your own self, trying to fight your urges of what
you want to do by No, not what you want to do, but what you have to
do, what's the right way of doing things, how to love and how to
care and how to have patience. It's not easy, but this is what
it's all about struggling with your own self. That's that's the
major thing. That's the major jihad is struggling with yourself,
making sure you're doing the right thing for the sake of your kids,
because you're going to be accountable for them. Last minute
I was gonna ask you What have you done with them? Both you in the
near for their fathers. You know, you do your best. Okay, so the
story of a young man who was trying to reach the profits, I'm
sorry, Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, there's another circumstance. I
just kind of summarize. There was another story of a young man and
he was trying to reach the camera of the Prophet Muhammad Salah like
they were going to Medina and the people were like, you know
fighting everybody's trying to reach the camera, you know, an
ally and armor we're trying to prevent everybody from coming like
they're pushing them away like they're gonna bombard the Prophet
Muhammad says sell them. And then the Prophet Muhammad SAW selling
them spotted a young man and he was trying so hard. Like he could
see in his eye he was trying so hard. So he pointed out to lamb
box, let him come through right. So the young man came through and
what did he do just wanted to hold the rain you know, he wanted to
hold that the saddle what's it called the saddle or the you know,
the the rope that how thick the you know, that the Prophet
Muhammad Hassan was riding on. And then he's walking, he's just
walking, holding the profit would lean down and just pat him on the
shoulder, the profits riding on the camera, he would just lean
down and pat him on the show. He doesn't even know him. But respect
I appreciate you I see that you really wanted to come come, you
know, have that respect and appreciation.
My dear parents, we can change our ways. Keith, there's no such thing
as impossible. There is no person that does not like to be
respected. However impossible. They may seem to be okay.
Everybody needs to respect it. And don't tell me when his friends ate
him to her I raise my voice. Their voice will always be louder than
yours. Raise your voice in a different way. Raise your voice in
a tone that they need. Respect is the tone that they need.
So Melissa Muhammad while early was on the US
question