Shadee Elmasry – Mothers’ Hour, Being Mom 3
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AI: Transcript ©
He goes, thank you fine, you know, thank you so much. It's like, oh
my god and thank you. Alright, sounds good. So.
So, today Inshallah, we're going to talk a little bit about
motherhood.
All right, about motherhood. And how do you she is and her
importance, okay? Not just our mothers, but us as mothers, okay?
And I'm not going to tell you mothers is what you need to do
12345 Not today, okay? Or you need to do this or not to do that. I
want to focus on your importance. So the importance of your role,
okay. So when I come and tell you this is what you have to do, you
will take it to heart and try to really change to the better
inshallah gay when you know how important you are, and what the
last panels have assigned you to you something great, your beloved
to Allah subhanaw taala, the day you'd won the title Mother, you
all put in a very, very high rank your mother. And I would like to
start by describing what a mother's compassion is, like, if I
were to ask you what is the greatest title that was ever given
to anyone over the different errors? After the prophets that
is, of course, what's the greatest title? A general or president or
leader, a doctor, or an engineer, father in law, son in law,
husband, or a mother? Think about it.
Put all these titles together and put in front of them the title
mother and see what is the dearest title and humanity? The dear is to
Allah subhanaw taala a title that has travelled through history. If
you think about it, the title Doctor not say anything. How long
since has it hasn't been used? How long has it existed for as a
terminology between us or engineer or even a president? Which is
dear? Okay, let me tell you something else that can make you
understand what a mother is, and who she is to Allah subhanaw taala
wonderful Allah subhanaw taala names, right. And it's one of the
dearest names to him. And we would be doomed if it were not for this
name. And our lives and our afterlife would end in a terrible
way. And there's not a surah in the Quran unless it begins with
this name, except one. What does that name are these names are
Rahman R. Rahim, the Beneficent, the Most Merciful, right? This
name that we love so much, and our destiny is tied to it right? If we
didn't have Allah subhanaw taala drama. You know, none of us will
enter Jannah basically, because yeah, we could do so good. But at
the end, we still enter with his wife with his mercy with his Rama,
okay. So the Beneficent, the Most Merciful, this name that we love
so much our destinies tied to. So in order for us to feel this word
in this life, Allah subhanaw taala embodies it for you in the form of
your mother in this world. So when Allah subhanaw taala created
mercy, He divided it into how many parts 100 parts he sent down to
earth, one part, okay, all the drama that you see on this earth
from mothers to children and animals, any kind of Rama that you
see on this life? Okay. Okay, I'm sorry, let me just sweethearts,
sweetie. I'm sorry. Can you go to the other room? Sir? Okay. Thank
you.
I'm sorry.
Okay, so all the drama that you see here on this earth is only one
part out of the 100 parts that we're talking about. And he
subhanaw taala kept 99 parts till the Day of Judgment. And then he
joins that one part to the 99 on the day of judgment, and he
spreads it over his creation. So can you imagine what these 99
parts are? Or this one part that every single creation has mercy
with it towards one another? So if we see if you see one party see
all the ramen, like how many? You know, it's even a kitten like, you
know, trying to clean her little you know, or a cat cleaning her
kitten or, you know, whatever, how you always see the elephant mother
with her little baby Subhanallah or us with our, you know, with our
little ones. And all of this from the beginning of creation to the
Day of Judgment is just one Rama, one piece of His mercy. So how
would within 99 parts be like, okay, so if you want to picture or
understand even that one part, look at your mother, or look at
yourself as a mother. It's follow the example of Allah subhanaw
taala has mercy that he is embodied or materialized for us to
see is someone very close to you, through which you can see his
mercy. That's your mother, or that is you as a mother now, and the
Prophet says this to look at her mother carrying her baby in the
scorching heat, and she keeps trying to shelter her baby with
her own body, not caring what happens to herself, as long as her
baby has the sheath to protect him. So the Prophet peace be upon
him looks at her and says to the Companions, can you picture this
lady throwing her son in hellfire? So the Companions replied, Oh, no
messenger of ALLAH. So he replied, Allah subhanaw taala is more
merciful to you than that lady is to her baby. span a lot. Your
mother is that walking mercy. You are that walking mercy. Look at
what your mother has done with you since you were born and try to
picture what His mercy is like with you.
And I want to point out something very important here. The day you
have become a mother, you have become life proof of his mercy
Subhanallah your life proof. That's why our doula is accepted.
No one can make dua for your child and have those gates of heaven
open for him other than you, because you're one of those 100
parts Subhan Allah, and Allah subhanaw taala created a lot of
mercies right? The sun is a sign of His mercy, water is a sign of
His mercy, the air we breathe as a mercy. But all these mercies are
what?
Silent mercies. So he subhanaw taala created a speaking personal
mercy for each one of us that accompanies us night and day
through which you can be acquainted to His Mercy subhanho
wa taala. And he subhanaw taala prepares us as mothers in a way
that no one else can be like, not even men. From the day you get
pregnant, the way you are set up is a way that no other brain can
handle. For example, who would let you anyone feed on their own
bodies sustenance and take from their own minerals and calcium and
food to survive? And above that you accept willingly? Where did
this mercy come from that I agree my body will be taken from it on a
daily basis, my blood would be taken from it and I would be happy
and willing. So from the minute you carry that baby and tolerate
the pains and the nausea and the contractions Subhanallah you're a
sign of His mercy, you're embodied mercy. And that's why the Prophet
Muhammad Salah Selim says, with the first contraction, all her
sins are forgiven. Can you imagine you coming to give labor or to
give birth with a mountain of sins, we all have sins. No one's
just you know, pure, unless you're repenting on a daily basis in sha
Allah. And with that first minute, you're honored with the title,
mother and the first contraction hits, all your sins are forgiven.
Subhanallah never thought of that before. And the Prophet Muhammad
wa salam says, I'd be entering the prayer, and my intention is to
elongate prayer is beautiful. So I hear a baby crying, I start
speeding up my prayer out of mercy on his mother, and her compassion
towards her baby. Sounds like
the Prophet Muhammad says salam had Giroud appreciate a greater
appreciation to the feelings of a mother. Now do you know the story
of the Prophet saw a man peace be upon him with the two ladies, when
he found two ladies who each had a baby, and the wolf ate one of the
babies? And the two ladies were screaming and crying, of course.
So one of the ladies said, this baby is mine. And the other said,
No, it's my baby. The wolf ate your baby. And they started
arguing. So they went to profit though with Alehissalaam. And he
just did the baby was the older ladies. So Prophet Solomon was
passing by, and he asked him, what's wrong? So they told him
what happened? So he replied, What scenes today man replied, saying
what? There's absolutely no problem. We will bring a knife and
slit the baby in half. And each one of you can get a half. Bring a
knife quickly. One of the lady screams No, may Allah have mercy
on you. He's her son, I'm lying. So the man replied, he's your son.
So the man knew that this compassion would come out only
from a mother SubhanAllah. And he wrote that the baby belongs to the
younger lady who said that the son is not mine. Because she's so
scared. You're so worried about her own sense of analog and
reversal of the crank comes down about the same what the for her
net has to lay man, we made under Sloman understand the compassion
of a mother SubhanAllah. That's how he understood he knew that the
one that would really fear for the death of her son was the one who's
going to speak out not the other one. Okay, just about having a
child. You are very dear to Allah. subhanho wa taala. And that's why
the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim says about a mother raising her
child, she has the reward of the one who is praying all night,
while fasting. Let her as you saw him, I'll call him. So all the
carrying and the whining, and the waking up 100 times during the
nights, and the lack of sleep that we talk about is like you are
fasting all day, and praying all nights panela How many children do
you have?
Yes, to? How many years? Have you gone through this with each one of
them? Now sit down and calculate. Do you see where Allah subhanaw
taala has put you you're caring for your children and raising them
is fasting and praying all night? Can you imagine? Which person can
fast and pray for four or five years consecutively who can get up
every single day for five years or four years? Can you tell me about
one person other than the Prophet Muhammad says hello. Even when he
used to fast he used to fast one day and break his fast one day are
used to fast Mondays and Thursdays but fasting every day and getting
up every day in the middle of the night to do Kremlin. Who gets that
reward? Subhan Allah motherhood, something honored in the Quran
Allah subhanaw taala says What's that oh Heiner Illa Omar Musa and
order a for either 50 Allah He for Alfie phillium saying what? So we
sent this inspiration to the mother of Moses saying, Suckle him
or nurse him
And then once you hear about him cast him were into the river,
right? But if you think about it, why was the you know, the scene of
nursing even mentioned or described in the grand? Isn't the
main theme here when we're talking about the serie of frown is what
if you're afraid to throw him into the river? Right? Wasn't that the
whole concept if you're worried about your son throw him. But why
was the other phrase even stated, because this scene Subhanallah
this great shot had to be mentioned in the Quran, the scene
of the mother nursing her child Subhanallah something if you think
about it, the whole story is talking about you know, seeing the
frown and how he saw you know, he knew that somebody was going to
come in to overtake him and so he decided to kill all the boys, you
know, and then say, you know, an omen Musa had a boy so why would
you know a middle of this is like doing okay, nurse the baby, but
then if you're afraid for him, throw him into the river
Subhanallah you think about it because it's showing you how great
what you're doing is okay. And why all of this because you
impersonate has mercy on earth against us, as we said in the
beginning. And because of you, humanity can sit and picture what
the other 99 parts of Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala would be like
we were just thinking during the beginning of Allah subhanaw taala
has 100 mercies and he only sent down one part, all the mercy that
we see on this earth is out of this one part. And it was embodied
to us in the form of a mother in front of you or your mother's
cannula. So you'd be able to picture what the other 99 parts
are of Allah Smita that he is going to show us on the Day of
Judgment in sha Allah.
Now I want to point something else now a different idea
is a little bit weird, but just bear with me. And that is
basically your the lap of this life. Okay, what does that mean?
So Allah subhanaw taala created what Adam and Eve with his own
hands, he says, What call a bliss meme and a haka and test to the
Lima holiday to be at the bliss, what has prevented you from bowing
down to what I have created with my own hands? So Allah subhanaw
taala created you what? with his own hands, okay, then Allah
subhanaw taala, destined for the family to be with his command, and
through with the continuity of what of reproduction or creation
on Earth, see the family again, or the importance of family again
here, and then he appointed the mother, because what you know,
because what he does, I'm sorry, your point, and then he appointed
the mother, because what, what does the father do, basically? Or
what is the job of the Father? You know, he, he all his job is to
place what the sperm in the mother's uterus, right? That's it,
that's his whole job. But you're the mother, you're the laboratory
or the workshop of the life, you're carrying the responsibility
of the continuation of humanity? Subhanallah if you think about it,
do you understand the magnitude of the mission assigned to that last
panel to Allah, the permanence of this Earth depends on you as a
mother, you are very dear to Allah subhanaw taala. And that's why
every month you have to go through ovulation and hormones and pains
and cramping. It's the mission of creation going in you every single
month Subhanallah it's such a huge thing. If you think about it, the
mission of creation is taking place in you. You're like a moving
lab, if you think about it really spa, because the menstrual cycle
can be looked upon very differently now, Southern impurity
and don't touch her like some people, you know, or backwards
back home. They're like, Oh, don't touch her, you know, and you have
this concept. So now Subhanallah and that's why the Prophet
Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, when he moved to Medina, he found the
Jews of Medina saying what? The river lady has her menstrual
cycle, and she touches anything it becomes what impure, that's what
they're understanding what was sorry. So he wanted to change this
concept. And he would recite the Qur'an in his lap when she had her
menstrual cycle, and to convey a clear message to us, and when she
had her menstrual cycle, and she would drink from a cup, he would
look for the place where she put her lips on, and he would drink
from the same spot that she would drank from right SubhanAllah. And
once he asked his wife almost selama to hand him something. And
she replied, but I'm impure. You know, I'm not praying. So he
replied, salallahu Salam, and is the impurity in your hands. You
are pure. It's a part of the mission that you're assigned to
Subhan Allah. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala when he says
Nakazato Deen, like they're lacking religion. He can never
mean what most people impose these days. And that is you lack
religion, you don't have a proper religion. No. It means you have
less days of worshipping, less fasting and less praying, not a
negative lacking off as people say Nakazato ocular, like they have a
lack of brain and religion, you know, have some people convey
that. So why don't we pray and fast because Allah subhanaw taala
has assigned to you a universal mission. And in front of it, he
removed a mission of legitimacy and mission of praying and fasting
because Allah subhanaw taala is just an if he assigns you
something he has to enlighten another burden off from you
Subhanallah and at the end, everybody ends up caring much the
same, both genders men and woman, okay, and actually Subhanallah you
have more rights than the men do you know by His justice and by
honoring you to do this mission Subhan Allah so those who say
Islam has oppressed woman I'll tell them what Here you go.
One almost 100 Salah give this role to men, you know if it was
such a such an important thing and you think to yourself that you
have this mission in
New every single month it's a workshop of humanity creation,
Khalifa loving visor, it's almost $100 Earth, then why did he give
it to man? Or why did he say that there were, you know, they don't
they lack religion, they don't, it's lacking of the time of your
worshipping, because you have something more important to do, or
something just as important to do.
And it's your duty to instill this in your idea and your daughters as
they grow, that they're very dear to Allah subhanaw taala. And they
have to learn how to honor that by protecting and preserving
themselves Subhanallah and also to instill it in our sons as they
grow, how to honor the mission that is assigned to the people who
are going to become their better house and child or their other
halves, and never to trespass through limits and dealing with
girls, you know how to honor that spawn a lot, okay. And subhanAllah
a girl from when she's little, she gets prepared and loaded with that
compassion till she grows. And one day becomes what a mother and
that's why psychiatrists explain to you why a little girl, you
know, a girl Sorry, gets so engrossed and, you know, playing
with a doll, and she wants to dress her up, and she wants to,
you know, feed her and bathe her and put her to sleep Subhanallah
she's being prepared. And there was this trend going on in the
states around the 60s, subhanAllah, you know, there's no
difference. Men and women are the same. And what's the problem with
men staying home and woman going to work and let them embrace the
woman, the kids, you know, and all this pressure from all the
different women's organizations, and we need liberation and woman
doesn't have, you know, have her rights, and she's oppressed and
this and that, to the extent that they started actually forcing toy
stores here in the States, to no longer have aisles designated
specifically for boys and aisles for girls, because that's called,
you know, differentiating between genders, which shouldn't be done.
And they kept pushing on this idea until toy company see they lost
millions of dollars, because the kids would go, the boys would go
and it's just so confusing for them. Subhan Allah and the girls
the same thing, until modern science proved that the actions of
the embryo of a female inside the uterus is different from that of a
male Subhan Allah. And then articles started being published
to correct the idea that they're not the same, there's a difference
or Allah subhanaw taala would have just one had one gender, why is
there a man and why is there a woman Subhanallah and then things
started going back to normal again. And that's why you know,
you go to Toys R Us, you have hamdullah girls, if you have a
voice, if you have, you know, toddlers eyes, or whatever it is,
it's makes it even easier, you know? So why did Allah subhanaw
taala give mothers all this ability to have compassion,
because if you think about it, without this compassion, this
whole world will be doomed. Because if you picture a baby
being born, and there is no such thing as a mother to care for him,
you gave birth, in between your hands is a little piece of flesh,
that totally depends on you.
They don't know anything other than you, okay? They know nothing
in this world. Now imagine if you had no compassion or mercy in your
heart,
what's going to happen? What could have happened to humanity, not
just your baby, through the most important part of humanity, you
have to understand that you are the most important of humanity,
you have such a huge role assigned to it, but I was unable to handle
the existence of humanity depends on you on your compassion as a
mother Subhanallah it depends on you. And this compassion when you
show to your kids Subhan Allah, it fills their hearts and then they
show back to you again, believe me, sometimes we feel like you
know, we're always just kind for always giving our kids the power,
they go through their phases, whether they're little when they
have their tantrums, or they're going through their teenage years,
and they're having their you know, their emotional, you know, roller
coaster, you know, so Subhanallah eventually, it does eventually
kick in Subhan Allah because they, they can't, you can basically you
can plant roses and then have you know, onions coming out. If you
plant roses, you'll have roses, if you plan, you know, onions, you
find onions SubhanAllah. So whatever you keep putting in them.
One day, Joel is going to come out, you just have to have the
patience and you Subhanallah and you have to always give it with a
compassion. And you'll see later on how the Prophet Muhammad sai
Salam, whenever he came to instruct the child, or give them
any kind of piece of advice, it was always with either a rub on
the shoulder or on the head or a little pat. You know, you'd be
selling them something instructing them it would be in a way while he
was worth being compassionate. Because if I come and tell you go
put away your clothes, I was like okay, honey, can you please go
away put away your clothes. I'm gonna touch the panel not as
doesn't miracles if you yourself if you're you know, your child
comes in hugs you or your husband comes in Pat's you, versus when he
comes and tells you something just like that. The perception of it is
very different to you, right, wrong. Cipolla, you take in a very
different way. And the same thing with our kids. And we have to be
very careful with that. Try to give a lot of compassion, just
make dua that Allah subhanaw taala gives you the ability to have that
compassion because we get tired we get it's it's very difficult. It's
very difficult. You know, we have this cycle of vicious cycle of
life. It's not just that it's a vicious cycle of life. You want to
get home, you want to make sure their homework is done, you make
sure that they pray, you want to make sure that their cars are
ready for the next day you make sure that dinner is ready or to
make sure that their clothes are on or your clothes are on and it's
you know everything is clean before you go to sleep. So if it's
like let's call it schools elite, you're rushing, rushing, rushing,
and then this one's looking back on this one and this is taking her
time I don't know doing what or this one's having a tantrum and
not listening. And at the end, you find yourself your voice is this
big Subhanallah I mean, it happens to all of us, but you just have to
keep breathing
I'm thinking to yourself, you know what, just take the time kids need
the time, they really do. And I'm saying this to myself before you,
you know, we need to just step back and take a deep breath, you
know, it's not the kids fault that they have to do this, and this and
this, and that, you know, and it's not nice to have the child always
in that pressured atmosphere, which always ends up happening,
you know, with all our demands of life. It's not really, there's, if
you think about it, you want them to have to stand by that and you
want them to have this done, but it's not what they really need,
necessarily. But it's because with this is what we need to do,
because you need to put them to that because you want to have time
to do this and this and that. And subhanAllah you they end up being
like, crushed, crushed, crushed, crushed. So how are they going to
have this compassion back for us if we don't give them that
compassion? So you have to step back and really try try to go back
home and do today? Not even try, try? Try give them a hug.
I know, finisher, I believe Matt did the same thing on the phone. I
haven't seen them yet. But I did the same thing. But you know, we
just have to really try to, you know, take take a step back
because it doesn't make any good, the more stress we put Subhanallah
it just feels more negative energy in the home, it doesn't do any
good.
They do they do and they feel like they're being pushed and shoved
around and you know, you know, I know they have to learn how to
have to manage their time, but I think it's just make a lot of diet
and just, you know, patients just patients make the heart for
yourself and for them, you know, make dua for yourself to Allah
subhanaw taala because your patience and compassion, you know
with them, because that's what they need. They need patience,
time compassion, and then miracles works upon launch Allah inshallah.
Alright, so
and then if you think about it from the first minute, Subhan,
Allah, Allah subhanaw taala grants you the ability to decode your
baby's first cry, the father was standing there not knowing what to
do. And I'm sure all of you remember when you first had your
children. And you very calmly say, no, no, he just needs to change or
he needs to burp. Oh, no, he needs to nap. or something's hurting.
He's just probably his ear. He's pleased when pulling away, it's
probably his ear, or whatever it is, okay. And you can get the most
patient man on earth, I'm telling you and wake him up out of his
sleep three times. All right, with because the baby's crying. What's
what's going to happen the first time like, okay, he'll go. Second
time, we'll go with a half and then the third and like, Okay,
your child is not raised. Here's your child. And then he goes, and
we're bunks outside on the couch. I was like, I don't have to deal
with you. You don't know how to raise the baby like the baby is
even today's Euro, you know, two days old, you know, but they don't
have Subhan Allah Allah didn't give them it's not about it's not
something as a dad about them, it's just, they were not created
with that patient's not created Subhanallah is that it's not
there's not they were not created with it. So basically, Allah
subhanaw taala has this heavenly secret in you, it's created with
you a secret that last panel to Allah placed in you that no man
can explain or imitate. It's just that that's the way it is. It's
not something that we chose to be like. Or we say, Oh, we were
better than you in this or that is just the way it was Panasonic
created us. And if you look at men,
any man in general, they can only focus on one mission at a time
meaning what, there's a man who's a teacher, there's a man who's a
driver, or man who's a doctor, or a man who's a professor, or a
tailor, or a chef, whatever. But there is no man that can be all
these things at the same time to look around you, these you won't
find them maybe rare one or two. But the norm, the way I lost my
way is that a man can be focused on one mission at a time. But you
as a mother by lost part of Dallas will. And by that secret that he
put on you, you can accomplish all these things at the same time. You
are the teacher through the Arabic teacher, and the English teacher,
and the math and the science if you have to. You're a great
doctor, Assistant. Your pediatrician gives you
instructions, you go back home and you follow every single
instruction without the slightest mistake. You're a chef. Great
Chef, hopefully well, I'm not I'm not gonna say I'm not a good chef,
but I cook. Okay, you're a laundromat. You're a tailor,
you're a driver, you're a professor in raising and
understanding the psychology of your child. And agree trustor if
someone comes and tries to touch your child's you turn into that
beast that could you know knock down 10 Min Subhanallah What are
you
SubhanAllah? Think about it. What are you? You are the secret of his
mercy on this earth on this earth? Sorry. That's what you are. Do you
understand now? Why the reward of the fasting praying all night?
Because you can do all these things at the same time? How many
of you do it's like you can multitask? Can't you? Every mother
I have seen on Earth can multi chicken be doing a million things
she's she's cooking while she put the first third of the laundry in
the you know, in the whatever. And she's I don't know, you know, the
vacuum is running out of nowhere and her son is she's following his
homework and preparing the lunches for the next day. You can do a
million things at the same time. And thinking in your head, what
you're gonna be planning for the next day for the kids from
whatever activities and what they're wearing and what's ready,
what's not ready a million things that you can be doing at the same
time you're listening to their arguments and correcting them, you
know, or trying to tell them you know, this is the way to deal with
this with this is what you should be doing. Subhanallah How can you
think about it? It's almost kind of odd to have this ability to
make you have that mercy in you so people can see what mercy is and
then they can picture His mercy subhanaw taala
and so, another story that I would want to share with you there was a
mother and
Her son was diagnosed with something was very, very like he
was in intensive care. But no visitors were allowed. No
touching. Now, if you come and tell a father, you know, you can't
touch your son, you know, it's different when he told the mother,
you can't touch your son when they're sick. So this mother was
literally she was going crazy, she was going insane. Like, how can
how can I not touch my son like my son is ill. And if she touches
him, she's gonna get sick herself, you know. So she sat thinking
should be standing behind the glass watching her son for hours
and hours, and she wants to communicate with him. So Pamela in
any sense, until she came up with an idea, and she bought a torch,
two torches. And what they did was they totally sanitized it, and
they gave it to the boy inside the nurses. And she held one from
outside, and she would keep flickering the light to him, and
he would flicker the light to heart and playing together
Subhanallah just so that they would have, she would have that
feeling that I'm actually communicating with my son, like,
I'm not really touching him, but the light that we're both holding
Subhanallah are touching each other Subhan Allah Hamdulillah he
got fuel, fully cured after that, but just something that I thought
was very, you know, very sweet. And there was another like recent,
you know, some reason it's something over the times that all
children you know, how they come now tell you, you know, baby, you
shouldn't hold the baby, you're going to get him used to being
carried and let them cry themselves to sleep and whatever.
They've come now that kids who are raised without being held and
touched are kids that grow up to be definitely depressed.
Subhanallah and that's why I can I can relate to the Prophet Muhammad
sigh Salam, how every time you would instruct a child, it would
be what he's holding him patting him or rubbing him on his head
Subhanallah because he knew the effects of me just telling you
something versus me doing it when I'm touching, you know, I'm saying
is power. So that's, you know, basically so if you think about
it, you know, how do you do all these things? Please sit and think
about it. Doesn't make any sense. Sometimes people ask me, you know,
how are you teaching? I was like, don't ask me it just happens. I
have no idea. Don't ask because if I sit and think about it and write
it you're gonna think okay, this is insane Subhan Allah but Allah
subhanaw taala because he will for the continuity of humanity to
depend on you. Therefore he you know he gave you or he granted you
the ability to perform all these tasks at the same time. Again,
because you embody his mercy on this earth's power.
So that's it for today. questions please. Ideas sharing something?
I was thinking something like how does she do when you put your
sketches Michelle on Facebook? Oh, these were all these are before I
had kids
that was from the days of the college don't worry
Oh, you saw my drawing stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm teaching
I I'm trying to cut back I'm trying actually to cut back on
everything a lot because because I really want to spend more time
with my kids. I just feel very Yeah, I feel very lean. I mean
I feel like very
it's not fair to them. Like they're not going to need me as
much later they will need me in other ways. But now you know, I
just feel like they need this time Jana you know, so I'm trying to
cut back on as please. Yes, please. I'm trying to cut back as
many things as I can, unfortunately, but I'm telling
when they grow a bit older chat a long shot long shot.
I feel bad