Sarah Sultan – Trauma 04 How Can I Ever Trust Again

			Bismillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah Juan and he was a happy woman, Willa, and my bad Santa
Monica want to how to live better ghetto. This is stressful time here with European Institute. And
today I want to speak with you a little bit about one of the common thoughts that tend to come up
when we've been through something difficult, but particularly when we have struggled with a betrayal
of trust. And that thought is how can I ever trust again, when we go through a situation where
somebody has hurt us, or has betrayed our trust, or has disappointed us really intensely? The
emotions that we feel can be so powerful that we can almost feel them physically, a lot of times
		

			people describe being betrayed by somebody else feeling like you've been punched in the stomach.
That's how intense the emotions are, when we feel like we've been betrayed by someone. And what's
really unique about a situation where we've been betrayed, right at the top of the trauma of
betrayal is that it's twofold. That first, we experienced the situation where we suddenly realize
that somebody that we have been vulnerable with somebody that we've tenderly placed our trust with
has lied to us and broken that trust. And then the second part is that we suddenly realize that we
have been duped, right, that we've been fooled into being able to trust this person for such a long
		

			time. And then we suddenly realized that we've been lied to. So we start to doubt that person, but
we also start to doubt ourselves and wonder how did I not pick up on the science for so long? What
sometimes happened with the experience of betrayal is that it extends to a lot of different parts of
our lives, including our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, where if somebody that you've
trusted so deeply, could betray you, you wonder, can I ever trust again? Should I risk trusting
again? And we can even start to doubt? Can I even trust Allah subhanaw taala. And that can be a very
scary thought for a lot of us. So why do these thoughts develop the struggle that we can sometimes
		

			have in even trusting us, Pat data, is something that falls under the umbrella of something called
overgeneralization. And this is a cognitive distortion. overgeneralization basically means basing
our complete view of the world and people on one single event, or one single bad occurrence, that
that happens in our lives. So basically, it's the idea of carrying an umbrella with you, because
you've experienced one rainy day, and you have this umbrella over your head constantly, right. And
so we're always expecting that because one person hurt us that every single person will hurt us. And
we try to protect ourselves from feeling hurt, and from feeling disappointed by never allowing
		

			ourselves to trust a person in order to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. And sometimes this can
even extend to our fear of being disappointed, even by ALLAH SubhanA data, realistically, we know
that Allah subhanaw taala is so different from human human beings completely different,
incomparable, but emotionally, it's a very different story. So one thing that is important for us to
be aware of when we're thinking about this thought is how it develops, right? So for example, if you
have a really good friend, and she hurts you, right, where she said something about about you behind
your back, then the thought trajectory that tends to happen is, I've devoted so much to this
		

			relationship, and she's done this to me, then I must not matter to her. And if I don't matter to
her, then I must not matter to anyone. So what's the point of even investing in relationships, if I
don't matter anyway, in order to be aware of the way our thought process develops? One thing that I
think is a really powerful reminder for all of us, is that a lot of times our relationship with
everybody that we that we encounter, but even our relationship with Allah's past data, can emulate
our previous relationships. So our relationship with Allah can often be like our relationships with
people that we've experienced. So if people have heard us, then we assume that LS patata will hurt
		

			us, even though rationally we know that this is not true. So one tip that I want to leave you with
to consider in order to try and overcome these over generalizations of the thoughts that we might
experience is to ask ourselves, what first of all are some of the thoughts that we experienced that
are overarching themes that we imagine our entire life is going to fall into? Right? And then ask
ourselves? Is there any evidence that you could have, what would you need? What evidence would you
need in order to see that this overgeneralization is not true? And once you can determine, Okay,
what evidence do I need in order to feel like I can actually trust someone? For example, then ask
		

			yourself, Does this evidence exist? Does it already exist? Because it might be there but we just
don't see it. And so with regards our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala for example, that I
		

			Evidence is already there. If we just look at it, every breath that we take is interesting Allah
subhanaw taala that our lungs will expand to accept it. Every time we take a bite of food, it's
trusting Allah Subhana Allah that that beta food is going to provide nourishment. So the evidence
that we can trust is there if we just look for it. So try and explore that in sha Allah. If you'd
like to know a little bit more about the idea behind over generalizations, get a lot more practical
tips and just get a deeper understanding of why you might be struggling with these thoughts and how
to overcome them. Then take a look in sha Allah at the next article in the year Lord has not
		

			forsaken you series on your pain Institute's website does Aquila fight on