Sarah Sultan – ICBCS – Shift Perspective, Not Blame in a Marriage – Conflict At Home

			So
		

			the conflict is exacerbated when people shift blame. And the way to solve that is take
responsibility for the role that you are contributing to the struggle, right. And so you know, if,
you know if there are issues that are happening at home, like your, your spouse is spending a lot of
time out of the house, and it's really making you angry, you address the need and everything. But
you also ask yourself, well, what how am I contributing to this? Right? Am I you know, as soon as my
spouse comes home, am I you know, like, immediately complaining about the fact that he wasn't home
before, right? Saying something sarcastic, like, oh, you know, how nice of you to finally join us,
		

			you know, and is that encouraging me to get my needs met is that allowing that to happen? Also the
understanding that the way that your needs, the way you want your needs addressed can be very
different from the way you want your your spouse wants their needs addressed. So for example, you
know, everybody experiences love, respect, care in different ways. So understanding what your spouse
needs in order to feel loved, is really, really important, rather than assuming, so firstly, you
might be a person who, in order to feel loved, gift giving, is very important to you, when your
spouse brings you a gift that really makes you feel loved. And your spouse may be somebody who, you
		

			know, if you help with the dishes, that is a way of feeling loved. And so if you're giving gifts,
because that's your way of feeling loved, or it's called Love Language, if that's your love
language,
		

			it might not work for your spouse. And so understanding what they need is is particularly
		

			important.
		

			And so I'm just going to end with one final point in sha Allah, which is the idea of how we
sometimes minimize the good and we magnify the bad, right. And so this comes down to the idea of
gratitude, right, and our brains fall into the trap of looking for these for these negatives, right.
And so instead looking for what your spouse is doing, well magnifying what they do well, so that
they feel loved, and they feel affirmed, and it encourages them to do more, right? Like Allah
subhana, Allah tells us, like in Chicago, in Chicago stone that as he didn't go, right, let's pass
out, he's promising us here that if you are grateful, than I will certainly give you more. So if
		

			we're grateful for the, for the what our spouse is doing, right, one of the most amazing
manifestations of this area is that the more you choose to see your blessings, the more blessings
you eventually begin to see. You're training your brain to focus on what you have, rather than what
you lack. Right. And so in doing that, you also allow yourself to, you know, focus on the changes
you want to make in your in yourself. And one of the most important ones in that is prioritizing
Alas, Pat data. You know, one of the things that, you know, research has found is that,
		

			in marriages, there's a correlation between people who reported reading Quran Daily reported
improvements in their marriage during social isolation, like during this COVID period. And then also
that people who have a close connection with Allah subhana data, they found that there was a
positive correlation with marital satisfaction as well. And so finding things that make you feel
connected to us and have data that allow you to prioritize LS PAC data can be very, very meaningful
and also improving and preventing that side of the conflict, right, and one of the one of the roots
of conflict is naturally going to be shaped on right and so by giving more as much space as
		

			possible, to your relationship with ls PandaDoc, you lessen the amount of space that's available to
Shaitan to create that conflict. And so that's something that will also be very meaningful in
relationships as well.