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Ramadan 2019 – Ep. 25

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Sajid Ahmed Umar

Channel: Sajid Ahmed Umar

Series:

Episode Notes

Don’t Insult Her Or Make her Feel Useless

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah who Allah Allah, he was a big marine about Salam Alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakaatuh everyone I welcome you all to episode number 25 of our Ramadan reminders and today I take you to Surah Nisa Ayah number 19, in which Allah subhanho wa Taala says she ruhuna Nabeel maroof Allah subhanho wa Taala. He commands us in this ayah in his book, in order to Nisa to live with our spouses, kindly to live with them in kindness is a command from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now,

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this is slightly different to what we've been taking

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throughout the night in Irvine, where we've been picking universal laws and values in the timeless core and from the Quran and sharing them one by one over the nights. Here we have a command from Allah subhanho wa Taala, towards

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treating

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our spouses kind, but we could extract the universal law from this and that is that from the Laws of Success is to treat our wives kindly and vice versa,

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as I will explain why you should also treat their husbands kindly. And we gain that universal law from a command from Allah subhanho wa Taala towards a particular act, because this command is also timeless, Allah says, and live with them in kindness.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala he uses the term building my roof and building my roof here refers to the refers to teaching us what kindness entails because somebody might say that okay, what does kindness entailed? Right? Are we talking about kindness in a, you know, at the time of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam, or when the when maca on the way in Medina, what is kindness here referred to, and the scholars of rural feck, they explained that this sort of,

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or this ayah, or an ayah, in this format, teaches us that we should live with them in kindness or kindness here refers to what our norms teach us to be from kindness, right. So the norms of the place that we live in, and the time that we live in. So it's about the time and the space that we are in that time and that space, what it directs us towards in terms of kindness, then Allah subhanho wa Taala is including that act in this idea that we should live with them in kindness, meaning doing all those good things that don't contradict the Sharia, that our norms direct us to, we should make sure that we adopt those values with our our wives. Now, this particular IRA came

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down as a result of a bad practice during the time of the crash, because during their time when the person passed away, then his wife was

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left to the most deserving from those, or the guardians, right, or the guardians that were alive. And

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this obviously is from the practices of ignorance from Jerry Lee. And here we see another example of how the Quran came to liberate a female if I can use that term in this day and age where the term liberal, liberal, liberal is always thrown out. The Quran came to liberate the female, but within boundaries that ensure that the concept of benefit is always maintained, not an liberation, as people are some quarters one today, where they want absolute liberation where she can do what she wants, when she wants, how she wants, and everyone can do what they want. You know how they want and everyone was just tolerate everybody being how they want to be. It's not what Islam came with Islam

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came with a true benefit, true benefit and true mercy. So he liberated the female from the ideologies of jaha, but also within a certain framework. And

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based on this, Allah subhanho wa Taala reveals this ayah canceling that habit out, but so eloquently in the Quran is full of eloquence, also shifting the paradigms of the people that this is not a case of just, you know, leaving her not treating her as as merchandise, but also being with her in a way that is considered good in the place that you come from. Now, brothers and sisters in Islam, the Sahaba of the law nomadic binds to live the camera is live the Quran, right, so you have, for example, the best robiola and Homer,

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a great scholar from the Sahaba he says that

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You know, he would perfume himself for his wife so his wife could smell him. And it would bring her happiness because good smells bring people happiness, right? I know that if someone puts air freshener, or some boar, or something that purifies the air or changes the odor of the masjid or a room that we go into, we feel happy, we feel it, it heightens our, our, our senses it,

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you know, brings an acute focus to our attention. It benefits us right, it benefits us. So he puts this perfume at the center. Why? Because he wants to bring that benefit to his wife. Why? Because Allah subhanho wa Taala said this, and he feels that this is from goodness towards her. Right? That it's not about smelling normal, let me smell nice, because it would, it would it would enhance her. And as I love for her to smell nice for me, I will also smell nice for her. Right? This is the Sahaba living the ayah or the allow animals reign in particularly in our case, even our best of the Allahu Allahu Allah. So in our day and age brothers and sisters in Islam in terms of my experience

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working with, with couples therapy and community development on an adult level, then it's also about, you know, not blowing your face if I can use the term with your wife. Because you had some bad day outside, yes, we all we need to improve. But this is the point, let us take note of it. Right that sometimes we have an issue outside the home, we come home upset, and we bring that stress home. Now based on this idea, don't do that. Right. And if it's something that you do, then work on it, because that's what life is about. It's about working on things. It's about improving ourselves, right? Sometimes,

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we hungry, sometimes we angry. So we speak to our spouses in the wrong way. If it's a mistake, it's a mistake. But a mistake doesn't mean it's right. And we should justify it, we should accept it as a mistake and work on it. Maybe it's a bad habit we had growing up, right? Maybe we saw our Father doing it to our mother. Right. And through being imitative by nature, somehow, it entered our you know, it entered the DNA of our own habits, we got to work on it, right.

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So we shouldn't allow our anger or our stress or our bad day, or our tiredness to treat our spouse in a way that is not befitting or that goes against the concept of maroof the concept of being kind to have based on the norms that we come from. There's no norm on earth that considers You know, this type of behavior, kindness anyway. Right. But just to be true to the translation of the eye.

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We look at our norms, what do our norms direct us towards in terms of kindness we should adopted, our norms definitely don't teach us that it's from kindness to take out your stress and your problems outside the home, in the home. So we should always come into the home smiling.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to clean his mouth before entering the home. So there was a good odor that would come out from his mouth. And it would come in a way that people would be happy to see his presence and

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to receive His presence. sallallahu alayhi wasallam type sometimes Yes, there are exceptions to the general rule, maybe your wife does something that upsets you, this is a different circumstance, but even then don't cross the boundaries, it shouldn't become, it shouldn't get to a point where you start insulting her and making her feel belittled or beyond herself or beyond being a human being. Right. Even anger

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allows you to be upset if she did something wrong, but it doesn't give you the right to, you know,

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to cause emotional harm. We shouldn't be abusive. And in previous episodes, this Ramadan was spoken about this concept of, you know, daughters in abusive relationships based on another principle that we discussed. But

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in terms of this commander of Allah subhanho wa Taala, I highlight this point, that it doesn't mean that if you're allowed to get upset because she she did wrong in the Sharia, or gives you guidelines in terms of what to do, in the event of a disobedient wife that you enter into an abusive relationship. This is haram. And this is forbidden. These are examples of brothers and sisters in Islam, before we end off to our wives as well to create a balance of the brothers Don't say that, look, you know, here's another chef, this is what the norms are, they say the chef just keeps on talking about husbands, husbands, husbands, you know, winning the happiness of the females. No, it

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has to be balanced. The Sharia is also balancing to our wives out there and to our sisters, we say that also afford your husband kind. Your kindness do not hold him accountable for every mistake. It is also from kindness and not demanding from every writer Sheree has given you right and some of the Sahaba used to do this they used to say from practicing this ayah we will not demand from our wives every write that Allah has given us and placed on them. The same applies as well. I hope this is clear. The same applies as well for the females. I hope this is clear Sonnambula alikum warahmatu