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ونفعنا بما علمتنا وزدنا علما ينفعنا We always
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begin by mentioning the name of Allah عز
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و جل, thanking Him, praising Him, seeking His
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forgiveness and putting our trust and reliance upon
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Him and only Him.
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الحمد لله ثم الحمد لله الله سبحانه و
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تعالى has blessed us.
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Is the voice clear?
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Is it coming?
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You guys can hear me, right?
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Alright, perfect.
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We thank Allah عز و جل that He
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blessed us to be able to come to
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His house on a Friday night to sit
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here and to learn about His religion and
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especially the two sources of revelation, the Qur
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'an and the Sunnah.
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We're continuing our series of divine principles for
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better living and these principles, once again, are
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derived from the Qur'an and the Sunnah
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itself and at the end of the day,
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Allah سبحانه و تعالى sent the Qur'an
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and the Sunnah to us for us to
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implement it within our lives.
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The more we implement these principles, the more
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we see the results of that in our
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lives, in our families, in our communities and
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everywhere that we are engaging with.
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So today we're going to start with the
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principle in which Musa عليه السلام and Fir
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'aun are setting the appointment for when they're
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going to meet and it's going to be
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a showdown between the magicians and Musa عليه
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السلام.
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So when they come and Fir'aun, he
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gathers them and they plot and they plan
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their strategy.
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So Musa عليه السلام, he turns to them
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and he tells them that وَيِّ لَكُمْ لَا
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تَفْتَرُوا عَلَى اللَّهِ that woe be to you,
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do not invent a lie against Allah عز
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و جل because the result will be فَيُسْحِتَكُمْ
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بِعَذَابٍ then Allah سبحانه و تعالى will send
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down his punishment that will completely eradicate and
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uproot you from where you are.
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Then he says وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنِ افْتَرَى that
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the one who invents the lie is the
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one who's going to become the loser.
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And that's our principle over here that وَقَدْ
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خَابَ مَنِ افْتَرَى that the one who invents
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a lie is going to ultimately be the
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loser.
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And the word افترى comes in the Qur
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'an in three different meanings.
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Number one is a lie.
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Number two is shirk.
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And number three is ظلم oppression, injustice.
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And this plays out now multiple ways.
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The worst of it, which is what?
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The worst type of lie that can be
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invented is what type of lie?
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Shirk.
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Or in other words we can say a
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lie against Allah عز و جل.
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وَمَنْ أَظْلَمُ مِمَّنِ افْتَرَى عَلَى اللَّهِ كَذِبًا That
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who is more unjust, who is more oppressive
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than the one who invents a lie against
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Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى And on top of that
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they know it's a lie.
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By saying statements that give me an example
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of that.
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What's a lie against Allah عز و جل?
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وَقَالُوا اتَّخَذَ الرَّحْمَنُ وَلَدًا That they say Allah
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has taken a son.
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That's not a light statement.
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It's a very power to claim that Allah
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سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى The divine, the perfect has taken
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a son as if he's needy.
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That is inventing a lie against Allah عز
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و جل.
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Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى He tells us in the
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Qur'an قُلْ إِنَّمَا حَرَّمَ رَبِّيُّ الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا
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ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَالإِثْمَ وَالْبَغْيَ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ
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وَأَن تُشْرِكُوا بِاللَّهِ وَأَن تَقُولُوا عَلَى اللَّهِ مَا
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لَا تَعْلَمُونَ That tell them إِنَّمَا حَرَّمَ What
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did Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى make forbidden?
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حَرَّمَ رَبِّيُّ الْفَوَاحِشَ That he's made the abhorrent
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sins forbidden.
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And Ibn Al-Qayyim رحمة الله عليه mentions
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that Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى is gradually going from
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worse to even worse than that.
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So he starts with فَوَاحِش then comes وَالإِثْمَةُ
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وَالْبَغْيَةُ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ That sins and then on
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top of that transgressing without right.
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So now you're going from yourself you're going
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to other people and wronging them and taking
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their property and harming them as well.
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That's worse than when it's just between you
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and Allah عَزَّ وَجَلَّ Then what comes next?
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وَأَن تُشْرِكُوا بِاللَّهِ مَا لَمْ يُنَزِّلْ بِهِ سُلْطَانًا
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And that you associate partners with Allah سُبْحَانَهُ
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وَتَعَالَى when He has not sent down any
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sort of legislation for that.
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That's level 3, there's still something left.
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But we know that إِنَّ الشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ
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That shirk is the greatest sin that's there.
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So what's worse than that?
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وَأَن تَقُولُوا عَلَى اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَبُونَ That
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you speak about Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى that which
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you don't know.
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And the shirk occur except that somebody invented
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a lie against Allah عَزَّ وَجَلَّ that, oh,
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these are the intermediaries between us and Allah.
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This is the one who can answer your
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du'a, turn to this dead person who
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can't benefit themselves but somehow he's gonna benefit
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you with Allah.
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Do people fall into shirk except through the
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way of lying against Allah عَزَّ وَجَلَّ And
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in line with that also comes to speak
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about Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى without knowledge.
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To say something, oh, this is halal, it's
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okay, you can do this.
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But without evidence, without any sort of legislation
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from Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَى but because I think
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so.
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There was a video I saw on TikTok
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couple months ago.
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There is a sister, may Allah guide her.
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She said, you know how you can spot
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the difference between a true hadith and a
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fabricated hadith?
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What's the criteria to differentiate between what is
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coming from the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم
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versus something that is made up?
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There's a whole science of this.
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You look at the matan, then you look
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at the chain of narrations.
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Who are these people?
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Are they trustworthy?
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Were they known for their knowledge?
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Or there's some random people that's there?
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Her criteria was that I asked myself, would
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the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم really say
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that?
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And if I think that he would not
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say that, I don't take it.
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That's the criteria?
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To judge between what's coming from the Prophet
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صلى الله عليه وسلم versus what's not?
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And this becomes very dangerous because if people
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start listening to you and then they start
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following you within that, who's holding the responsibility
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for that?
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Yes, they are liable and responsible for their
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own actions.
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But if somebody becomes a source of that
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misguidance, then they're responsible for that as well.
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Just like if somebody becomes a means of
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guidance for other people, then they also earn
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hasanat as well.
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And there's another type as well.
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And Imam Malik, he said that it was
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not from the affairs of people and from
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the example of our salaf.
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And he's early generation.
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That I met that we would follow their
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example.
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So people we would take as role models
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that would just very loosely just say, oh,
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that's halal, that's haram.
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When they would come to ask him questions,
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give him fatwa.
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And mind you, these are people who are
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considered ulama, ahlul madina.
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The ones who are seeing the grandchildren of
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the sahaba.
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They're with them, they're brought up with these
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individuals.
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And they would not dare to say, this
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is halal, this is haram.
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Rather they would say, because that requires a
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lot of guts that you decide to speak
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about a ruling.
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So you're the ambassador of Allah عز و
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جل.
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When you say something is halal, who made
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it halal?
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Who's it going back to?
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It's not going back to the individual, it's
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going back to Allah عز و جل.
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He's the one who made it halal.
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He's the one who made it haram.
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But rather they would say, أكره ذلك.
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I don't like it, I dislike it.
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Or أحب ذلك.
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I like that, I prefer that.
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Very careful with their words, not to attribute
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something to Allah سبحانه و تعالى and his
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messenger that they never said.
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So that's why you see within their books,
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Imam Ahmad and the likes of them, that
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they would use these terminologies.
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أكره ذلك.
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I don't like it.
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Because not to dare say something that I'm
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attributing this 100% to what the ruling
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is, and then it turns out to be
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that it's not true.
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So they're very careful when it comes to
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that because of the seriousness of that.
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Ibn Masud رضي الله عنه, when he would
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narrate hadith, he would like tremble.
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Because he knew that the Prophet صلى الله
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عليه وسلم, he said that, مَن كَذِبَ عَلَيَّ
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مُتَعَمِّدًا فَلْيَتَبَوَّأُ مَقْعَدَهُ فِي الْنَّارِ That whoever lies
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against me on purpose, then let them take
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their seat in the hellfire.
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So they'd be very careful.
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Ibn Masud is somebody who said, I took
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70 surahs from the mouth of the Prophet
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صلى الله عليه وسلم.
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Which means he's witnessing the revelation there.
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And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم teaching
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them.
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But yet when it comes to narrating hadith
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after the death of the Prophet صلى الله
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عليه وسلم, very careful, would shake to such
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an extent he said, you know, I think
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he said something like that.
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You know, we hear, أَوْ كَمَا قَالَ عَلَيْهِ
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الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامِ So we're not saying that this
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is what he said 100%, but something like
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that he said.
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To be very careful.
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And then another thing on top of that
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as well is, افتراء, you're inventing a lie
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against other people.
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Now this is very dangerous as well.
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Inventing a lie against Allah عز و جل,
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the highest level.
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But then it comes down to our day
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-to-day lives that inventing a lie against
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somebody else.
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Now how does this look?
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In real life example, how does that look?
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This happens every, well shouldn't say every single
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day, but this happens, very common for it
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to happen.
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In Muslim societies and also non-Muslim societies.
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Who can think of an example?
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That's entertainment in a sense.
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Talking about people, okay that's one thing.
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But let's make it more specific.
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For example, soiling somebody's reputation.
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You know somebody saw somebody and they made
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the worst assumption, or somebody told them something
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and they were just trying to ruin this
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person's reputation so they spread a lie.
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And then somebody believes it and then they
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go and they spread it.
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And now this comes and impacts that individual.
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There's a rumor being spread about them within
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00:11:00
the community that impacts their life.
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Maybe it prevents them from getting certain jobs.
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Maybe it prevents them from getting married.
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Who's the source of all of that?
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Of the spreading of the lies?
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All that is going back to that person.
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And the sheikh who authored this book, he
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mentions an example.
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He says that I personally witnessed or I
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know of a story that there was a
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kid by the name of Hamad.
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And he said that when I was in
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high school I had an issue.
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We got into an argument.
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Me and one of the elite students of
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the school.
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And he said I was so upset that
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I decided I'm going to ruin this person's
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00:11:34
future.
00:11:35 -->
00:11:36
So he said the next day I come
00:11:37 -->
00:11:39
and I bring drugs with me, weed.
00:11:39 -->
00:11:41
I bring weed and I go and I
00:11:41 -->
00:11:42
secretly put it in his bag.
00:11:43 -->
00:11:45
And then I tell one of my friends
00:11:45 -->
00:11:47
to call the cops and say that there's
00:11:47 -->
00:11:49
a drug dealer in school and this is
00:11:49 -->
00:11:49
the person.
00:11:50 -->
00:11:52
So naturally the cops come, they see it,
00:11:52 -->
00:11:52
they take him.
00:11:52 -->
00:11:54
And he's kicked out of school.
00:11:54 -->
00:11:56
His entire reputation is ruined in front of
00:11:56 -->
00:11:57
his family.
00:11:58 -->
00:12:00
And he becomes what we would say canceled.
00:12:01 -->
00:12:02
Somebody who's canceled.
00:12:02 -->
00:12:03
Nobody wants to talk to him.
00:12:03 -->
00:12:05
No family members want to engage with him.
00:12:05 -->
00:12:08
And he said from that day I noticed
00:12:08 -->
00:12:10
the impact of that in my own life.
00:12:11 -->
00:12:15
That how I was experiencing the difficulty and
00:12:15 -->
00:12:16
the punishment of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:12:16 -->
00:12:17
in my own life.
00:12:17 -->
00:12:20
And he said that so much so that
00:12:20 -->
00:12:22
two years ago before he's narrating this story,
00:12:22 -->
00:12:23
I got into an accident, I lost my
00:12:23 -->
00:12:24
right hand.
00:12:24 -->
00:12:26
And he said I know where this is
00:12:26 -->
00:12:26
coming from.
00:12:27 -->
00:12:28
So he said I go to that person,
00:12:28 -->
00:12:30
I found him and I begged him to
00:12:30 -->
00:12:31
forgive me.
00:12:31 -->
00:12:33
And he said I'm not forgiving you.
00:12:33 -->
00:12:36
He said since that day and I knew
00:12:36 -->
00:12:38
it was you, he's like every single day
00:12:38 -->
00:12:39
I made dua against you.
00:12:42 -->
00:12:45
And the dua of the madroom, the dua
00:12:45 -->
00:12:47
of the oppressed person is always answered.
00:12:48 -->
00:12:50
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will send the
00:12:50 -->
00:12:51
result whether it's now or later.
00:12:51 -->
00:12:54
It's going to happen because وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنِ
00:12:54 -->
00:12:57
اِفْتَرَ That the one who invents those lies,
00:12:58 -->
00:13:01
who plots against the awliya of Allah subhanahu
00:13:01 -->
00:13:03
wa ta'ala, eventually their result is going
00:13:03 -->
00:13:04
to lead to destruction.
00:13:05 -->
00:13:07
And Ibn al-Qayyim rahmatullahi alayhi mentioned that
00:13:07 -->
00:13:10
لَا بُدْ That it is absolutely necessary upon
00:13:10 -->
00:13:12
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that anyone who
00:13:12 -->
00:13:15
plots and invents lies and tries to cause
00:13:15 -->
00:13:17
these types of corruptions, that Allah subhanahu wa
00:13:17 -->
00:13:18
ta'ala will not let them get their
00:13:18 -->
00:13:19
end result.
00:13:19 -->
00:13:20
And He will not guide them.
00:13:20 -->
00:13:22
And on top of that, He will completely
00:13:22 -->
00:13:24
eradicate them from the face of this earth,
00:13:24 -->
00:13:26
whether it's now or later.
00:13:26 -->
00:13:29
So those who think that they can harm
00:13:29 -->
00:13:30
the allies of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:13:30 -->
00:13:32
and think they got away with it because
00:13:32 -->
00:13:35
of their position, their status, their weaponry, and
00:13:35 -->
00:13:38
whatever they might have, but that's not going
00:13:38 -->
00:13:38
to happen.
00:13:39 -->
00:13:41
Because He said, وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنِ اِفْتَرَ That
00:13:41 -->
00:13:45
eventually their demise is going to happen.
00:13:45 -->
00:13:48
And this individual he said that he refused
00:13:48 -->
00:13:49
to forgive me because of what I did.
00:13:51 -->
00:13:54
And then he said, even after that I
00:13:54 -->
00:13:57
became wheelchair bound because of another accident that
00:13:57 -->
00:13:57
happened.
00:13:58 -->
00:13:59
And he said the only thing I can
00:13:59 -->
00:14:01
do is make tawbah to Allah subhanahu wa
00:14:01 -->
00:14:03
ta'ala and try my best to rectify
00:14:03 -->
00:14:05
my affair in hopes that He will forgive
00:14:05 -->
00:14:05
me one day.
00:14:07 -->
00:14:08
Because of that.
00:14:08 -->
00:14:10
And it's something that we can take lightly.
00:14:10 -->
00:14:11
This happens in the moment.
00:14:11 -->
00:14:13
Let me just say something about somebody.
00:14:13 -->
00:14:14
It might not be true.
00:14:14 -->
00:14:16
I didn't really verify the information but then
00:14:16 -->
00:14:17
I start talking about it.
00:14:19 -->
00:14:21
And this happens a lot between husband and
00:14:21 -->
00:14:21
wife.
00:14:22 -->
00:14:24
One of them decides to talk about something.
00:14:24 -->
00:14:26
That person listens, spreads it to somebody else.
00:14:26 -->
00:14:29
Now the masala is being added to it.
00:14:30 -->
00:14:33
What started out as a normal situation gets
00:14:33 -->
00:14:36
spiced up, and then it just goes, gets
00:14:36 -->
00:14:38
bigger and bigger and bigger until the news
00:14:38 -->
00:14:39
is spread within the community.
00:14:40 -->
00:14:42
And human beings are human beings at the
00:14:42 -->
00:14:42
end of the day.
00:14:42 -->
00:14:44
We're going to listen, it's interesting, and they
00:14:44 -->
00:14:45
get sucked into it.
00:14:46 -->
00:14:48
But then what's the harm that comes from
00:14:48 -->
00:14:48
that?
00:14:49 -->
00:14:51
How does it ruin societies?
00:14:51 -->
00:14:52
How does it ruin people?
00:14:53 -->
00:14:55
And Sheikh Abdul Razzaq Al-Badr, he mentioned
00:14:55 -->
00:14:58
a story that this person, he went to
00:14:58 -->
00:15:00
one of the government offices and he had
00:15:00 -->
00:15:01
some paperwork that he needed to finish.
00:15:02 -->
00:15:04
So the person was extremely rude with him
00:15:04 -->
00:15:06
and he took his paper and he was
00:15:06 -->
00:15:08
like, he ripped it in front of him.
00:15:10 -->
00:15:11
So imagine that, you've been waiting for so
00:15:11 -->
00:15:14
long, maybe days, maybe weeks.
00:15:15 -->
00:15:17
And you know, in other countries, sometimes people
00:15:17 -->
00:15:19
come from out of town and you have
00:15:19 -->
00:15:22
to wait for maybe hours at a time
00:15:22 -->
00:15:23
or days at a time to finally see
00:15:23 -->
00:15:24
your turn.
00:15:24 -->
00:15:26
You wait all this time, then you get
00:15:26 -->
00:15:28
to the counter, and the guy decides, I'm
00:15:28 -->
00:15:29
just going to rip your paper, sorry, have
00:15:29 -->
00:15:30
a nice day.
00:15:30 -->
00:15:32
So he said, this person was so upset,
00:15:32 -->
00:15:34
he raised his hand and said, may the
00:15:34 -->
00:15:37
dua'u Allah rip this person apart just
00:15:37 -->
00:15:38
like he ripped my papers apart.
00:15:41 -->
00:15:43
The dua' of the oppressed.
00:15:43 -->
00:15:45
Now there's a problem here as well, because
00:15:45 -->
00:15:48
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said, فَإِنْ عَاقَبَتُمْ
00:15:48 -->
00:15:52
فَعَاقِبُوا بِمِثْلِ مَا عُوقِبُتُمْ بِهِ That if you
00:15:52 -->
00:15:54
were to extract revenge, then do it to
00:15:54 -->
00:15:55
the same degree.
00:15:56 -->
00:15:58
The same way you were wrong, keep it
00:15:58 -->
00:15:58
to that level.
00:15:59 -->
00:16:01
Somebody rips your paper, okay, you make dua'
00:16:01 -->
00:16:03
that may Allah not let something happen for
00:16:03 -->
00:16:03
them.
00:16:03 -->
00:16:04
Okay, it's within balance.
00:16:05 -->
00:16:07
It's better that you forgive and just be
00:16:07 -->
00:16:08
patient with that.
00:16:09 -->
00:16:11
But here he's going way overboard.
00:16:11 -->
00:16:13
For ripping the paper, may Allah rip you
00:16:13 -->
00:16:13
into pieces.
00:16:14 -->
00:16:16
And he said that, later on I found
00:16:16 -->
00:16:18
out that that person had got into such
00:16:18 -->
00:16:21
a serious accident that his entire, like his
00:16:21 -->
00:16:26
body was completely broken apart because of the
00:16:26 -->
00:16:27
dua' that he made.
00:16:28 -->
00:16:31
Now people should have some sort of control
00:16:31 -->
00:16:34
where the dua' they make is reasonable.
00:16:36 -->
00:16:37
What's even better is that they have a
00:16:37 -->
00:16:40
level of emotional control and emotional intelligence where
00:16:40 -->
00:16:40
they're able to overlook.
00:16:43 -->
00:16:45
The Prophet ﷺ seldom you would find that
00:16:45 -->
00:16:46
he would make dua' against people.
00:16:49 -->
00:16:50
But when it comes to that, no, it's
00:16:50 -->
00:16:53
something that's there, you have dua' but if
00:16:53 -->
00:16:55
a person can develop that level of emotional
00:16:55 -->
00:16:59
control, emotional intelligence, and also be able to
00:16:59 -->
00:17:01
stand up for themselves in the right way,
00:17:02 -->
00:17:03
in the way that is pleasing to Allah
00:17:03 -->
00:17:04
ﷻ, then that's always better.
00:17:05 -->
00:17:09
So the principle is وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنِفْتَرَ that
00:17:09 -->
00:17:12
we have to understand that those individuals who
00:17:12 -->
00:17:14
transgress, who invent lies against Allah ﷻ, invent
00:17:14 -->
00:17:19
lies against Allah's allies, invent lies against his
00:17:19 -->
00:17:22
religion, then eventually their result is going to
00:17:22 -->
00:17:24
be تخريب.
00:17:24 -->
00:17:28
That Allah ﷻ is going to remove their
00:17:28 -->
00:17:28
plan.
00:17:28 -->
00:17:30
They will not be able to achieve that
00:17:30 -->
00:17:31
which they set out to achieve.
00:17:32 -->
00:17:35
And at times, it will happen here.
00:17:36 -->
00:17:38
But we know for sure that it's going
00:17:38 -->
00:17:39
to happen on يوم القيامة.
00:17:40 -->
00:17:42
That that's when the reality is going to
00:17:42 -->
00:17:42
come through.
00:17:43 -->
00:17:44
And that's when Allah ﷻ is going to
00:17:44 -->
00:17:46
reward those who are patient and those who
00:17:46 -->
00:17:47
did good.
00:17:47 -->
00:17:49
And He is going to punish those who
00:17:49 -->
00:17:50
did wrong.
00:17:50 -->
00:17:51
The next principle comes.
00:17:55 -->
00:17:57
So the previous principle we looked at that
00:17:57 -->
00:18:00
this shows how a person should be there.
00:18:00 -->
00:18:01
That I speak based on knowledge.
00:18:02 -->
00:18:04
If I see gossip going on, people are
00:18:04 -->
00:18:06
talking, backbiting, so on and so forth, I
00:18:06 -->
00:18:08
remove myself from that equation.
00:18:08 -->
00:18:10
If I hear information, I don't form a
00:18:10 -->
00:18:11
judgment.
00:18:11 -->
00:18:15
I go and verify the information first before
00:18:15 -->
00:18:16
I start talking about it.
00:18:17 -->
00:18:19
When it comes, especially when it comes to
00:18:19 -->
00:18:21
matter of the deen, I make sure that
00:18:21 -->
00:18:23
where I'm getting my knowledge from is from
00:18:23 -->
00:18:24
a trusted source.
00:18:24 -->
00:18:25
I can trust this individual.
00:18:25 -->
00:18:27
I know what they're talking about.
00:18:27 -->
00:18:28
I've studied.
00:18:28 -->
00:18:29
I've verified.
00:18:29 -->
00:18:30
And then I go and act upon it.
00:18:30 -->
00:18:32
And if I go and spread knowledge, you
00:18:32 -->
00:18:34
know, in today's day and age, we have
00:18:34 -->
00:18:35
all these forwards that comes through WhatsApp.
00:18:36 -->
00:18:37
And all you have to do is click
00:18:37 -->
00:18:40
forward to everyone on your list and everything
00:18:40 -->
00:18:40
has been sent.
00:18:41 -->
00:18:43
But many times these messages that come, there's
00:18:43 -->
00:18:44
no basis to it.
00:18:44 -->
00:18:47
If you research, and alhamdulillah, because of technology,
00:18:47 -->
00:18:49
you can just take the first statement of
00:18:49 -->
00:18:51
the hadith and put it on Google and
00:18:51 -->
00:18:53
know exactly where it's coming from, where the
00:18:53 -->
00:18:53
source is.
00:18:54 -->
00:18:57
So to verify information is very easy in
00:18:57 -->
00:18:58
today's day and age.
00:18:59 -->
00:19:01
But at the same time, to spread falsehood
00:19:01 -->
00:19:02
is just as easy as well.
00:19:02 -->
00:19:03
All it needs is a click of a
00:19:03 -->
00:19:04
button.
00:19:04 -->
00:19:04
It sounds good.
00:19:05 -->
00:19:08
You know, your sins will be forgiven if
00:19:08 -->
00:19:08
you do this.
00:19:08 -->
00:19:09
You get into Jannah, so on and so
00:19:09 -->
00:19:10
forth.
00:19:10 -->
00:19:12
No verification, no sources are stated.
00:19:12 -->
00:19:13
It becomes very easy to send that.
00:19:13 -->
00:19:15
But we want to be careful that as
00:19:15 -->
00:19:17
I'm spreading goodness, that I make sure that
00:19:17 -->
00:19:20
what I'm spreading is coming from the right
00:19:20 -->
00:19:21
source and has been verified.
00:19:22 -->
00:19:23
And the same thing when I deal with
00:19:23 -->
00:19:24
other people as well.
00:19:24 -->
00:19:26
Somebody tells me something about someone, I don't
00:19:26 -->
00:19:26
believe it.
00:19:27 -->
00:19:27
I verify.
00:19:28 -->
00:19:30
If I know that there's goodness in this
00:19:30 -->
00:19:32
person, then I don't take that at face
00:19:32 -->
00:19:32
value.
00:19:32 -->
00:19:34
I make an excuse for that.
00:19:34 -->
00:19:37
But if there is, you know, there's an
00:19:37 -->
00:19:39
outcome that is needed, there's some sort of
00:19:39 -->
00:19:42
rectification, some action that needs to be taken,
00:19:42 -->
00:19:44
before I act on that, I need to
00:19:44 -->
00:19:46
make sure that I have the entire picture.
00:19:47 -->
00:19:48
And then I go and I act on
00:19:48 -->
00:19:48
that.
00:19:49 -->
00:19:50
The next principle that we come to is
00:19:50 -->
00:19:52
in Surah An-Nisa, in which Allah subhanahu
00:19:52 -->
00:19:56
wa ta'ala, He said, وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ That
00:19:56 -->
00:19:58
reconciliation is better.
00:19:59 -->
00:20:02
Now, the principle is general, but let's look
00:20:02 -->
00:20:02
at the context first.
00:20:03 -->
00:20:04
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He said, وَإِن
00:20:04 -->
00:20:07
إِمْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا
00:20:07 -->
00:20:11
جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَن يُصْلِحَ بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًا وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ
00:20:11 -->
00:20:15
وَحُضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحْ وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ
00:20:15 -->
00:20:18
كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا Now the general meaning
00:20:18 -->
00:20:20
of this verse is that if a woman
00:20:20 -->
00:20:24
she fears some like her husband is, you
00:20:24 -->
00:20:26
know, turning away from her he's not behaving
00:20:26 -->
00:20:28
in the best way and this, you know,
00:20:28 -->
00:20:31
maybe they get older in their age and
00:20:31 -->
00:20:34
differences are coming and then Allah subhanahu wa
00:20:34 -->
00:20:37
ta'ala says that there's no sin upon
00:20:37 -->
00:20:39
them if they come together and they try
00:20:39 -->
00:20:41
to rectify the matter which means, okay, let's
00:20:41 -->
00:20:44
discuss what's happening and see what it is
00:20:44 -->
00:20:46
and then وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ so in order for
00:20:46 -->
00:20:48
that reconciliation to happen you know, they step
00:20:48 -->
00:20:50
back a little bit like, you know what
00:20:51 -->
00:20:54
this is 100% my haq I withdraw
00:20:54 -->
00:20:56
a little bit I'll take 80% of
00:20:56 -->
00:20:58
it or I'll make things more flexible here
00:20:58 -->
00:21:03
in order to preserve the relationship and Allah
00:21:03 -->
00:21:05
subhanahu wa ta'ala He says وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ
00:21:05 -->
00:21:09
the sulh is better وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحْ but
00:21:09 -->
00:21:12
the problem is that the nafs the ego
00:21:12 -->
00:21:14
of the human being does not want to
00:21:14 -->
00:21:18
let go it wants its complete right but
00:21:18 -->
00:21:19
does not want to give the other person
00:21:19 -->
00:21:22
their right that stinginess is part of the
00:21:22 -->
00:21:26
human nature of a person but then Allah
00:21:26 -->
00:21:28
says وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا that if you were
00:21:28 -->
00:21:30
to play at ihsan which means you show
00:21:30 -->
00:21:33
up at the highest level you do what's
00:21:33 -->
00:21:36
best trying to seek the pleasure of Allah
00:21:36 -->
00:21:38
subhanahu wa ta'ala وَتَتَّقُوا at the same
00:21:38 -->
00:21:41
time you make sure you do not transgress
00:21:41 -->
00:21:43
any of the limits that Allah subhanahu wa
00:21:43 -->
00:21:46
ta'ala has set because Allah subhanahu wa
00:21:46 -->
00:21:49
ta'ala is خَبِير he knows everything he's
00:21:49 -->
00:21:51
completely aware of that which you do now
00:21:51 -->
00:21:55
let's take the principle وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ it's not
00:21:55 -->
00:21:58
just in this situation but this is across
00:21:58 -->
00:22:00
the board how many problems are there between
00:22:00 -->
00:22:03
family members between husband and wife, between siblings
00:22:03 -->
00:22:07
between community members, between business partners, between countries
00:22:08 -->
00:22:12
that needs people to come together now if
00:22:12 -->
00:22:14
you look at this I want you to
00:22:14 -->
00:22:16
think of a problem between two or more
00:22:16 -->
00:22:20
parties I'll give you a minute or like
00:22:20 -->
00:22:23
30 seconds just think of any problem whether
00:22:23 -->
00:22:27
it's a political problem it's a financial problem
00:22:27 -->
00:22:30
it's a sibling issue it's parents and their
00:22:30 -->
00:22:34
children spouses between one another just think of
00:22:34 -->
00:22:39
the problem Sheikh Abdullah Amin al-Shanqiti he
00:22:39 -->
00:22:43
said that every conflict goes back to either
00:22:43 -->
00:22:46
one of two reasons either it's a financial
00:22:46 -->
00:22:49
thing it's because of money or it's because
00:22:49 -->
00:22:52
of الجاء which is it has something to
00:22:52 -->
00:22:56
do with respect honor, respect, ego so on
00:22:56 -->
00:22:58
and so forth would you guys say that
00:22:58 -->
00:23:04
that statement is relatively accurate it's either financial
00:23:05 -->
00:23:09
or it's some sort of respect thing status
00:23:09 -->
00:23:14
or ego or something like that could we
00:23:14 -->
00:23:16
say that most not all, most issues between
00:23:16 -->
00:23:18
people will fall into one of these two
00:23:20 -->
00:23:30
so now how do you fix this in
00:23:30 -->
00:23:32
order for the principle to be actually executed
00:23:32 -->
00:23:36
he's saying that is better now once again
00:23:36 -->
00:23:39
to premise this we're not talking about situation
00:23:39 -->
00:23:41
where there's like abuse and somebody has like
00:23:41 -->
00:23:44
completely wronged and violated somebody then to be
00:23:44 -->
00:23:46
like okay come and let's fix this we're
00:23:46 -->
00:23:48
not talking about that those are excluded from
00:23:48 -->
00:23:51
that in situations where it's not possible then
00:23:51 -->
00:23:53
separation is best we're talking about those you
00:23:53 -->
00:23:55
know day to day things things happen somebody
00:23:55 -->
00:23:58
said this business deal went wrong and then
00:23:58 -->
00:24:01
people become enemies to one another those daily
00:24:01 -->
00:24:04
rifts between husband and wife the issues that
00:24:04 -->
00:24:05
siblings go through so on and so forth
00:24:05 -->
00:24:07
we're talking about these kind of things that
00:24:07 -->
00:24:10
how do you not reconcile between them the
00:24:10 -->
00:24:15
first step is I have to be willing
00:24:15 -->
00:24:16
to listen to what the other person is
00:24:16 -->
00:24:19
trying to say because I need to get
00:24:19 -->
00:24:23
rid of that ego aspect stinginess to the
00:24:23 -->
00:24:25
highest degree you could say they're so keen
00:24:25 -->
00:24:26
that I want to make sure that I
00:24:26 -->
00:24:29
get mine which means I don't really care
00:24:29 -->
00:24:32
what you have to say if a person
00:24:33 -->
00:24:35
comes to a problem with that type of
00:24:35 -->
00:24:39
mindset they're not getting anywhere because they've already
00:24:39 -->
00:24:41
closed the door for any sort of reconciliation
00:24:42 -->
00:24:44
but the mindset has to be that I
00:24:44 -->
00:24:46
need to put my ego aside I need
00:24:46 -->
00:24:49
to see that there's another perspective because at
00:24:49 -->
00:24:50
the end of the day when it comes
00:24:50 -->
00:24:54
to issues between people there's subjective reality in
00:24:54 -->
00:24:58
play subjective reality what does that mean it
00:24:58 -->
00:25:01
means I see things a certain way the
00:25:01 -->
00:25:03
other person sees things a different way if
00:25:03 -->
00:25:04
there's an incident that happened in this masjid
00:25:04 -->
00:25:08
tonight, may Allah protect us and we have
00:25:08 -->
00:25:10
how many people here and they leave everyone
00:25:10 -->
00:25:15
is going to mention what they recall right
00:25:15 -->
00:25:17
or wrong you're going to leave this building
00:25:17 -->
00:25:19
and you're going to narrate the story based
00:25:19 -->
00:25:22
on your perspective which is your subjective reality
00:25:22 -->
00:25:26
but does it encompass everything that happened or
00:25:26 -->
00:25:32
only what you remember it's going to be
00:25:32 -->
00:25:34
what you remember so when people, when husband
00:25:34 -->
00:25:36
and wife come together and there's an issue
00:25:36 -->
00:25:41
between them the conversation becomes that this is
00:25:41 -->
00:25:44
what happened I am right it is factual,
00:25:44 -->
00:25:47
your opinion doesn't really count or if you
00:25:47 -->
00:25:49
say something that goes against what I remember
00:25:49 -->
00:25:54
you're lying that's not what happened that's not
00:25:54 -->
00:25:58
how you reconcile in order to have that
00:25:58 -->
00:26:00
reconciliation I have to be willing to give
00:26:00 -->
00:26:03
the person the benefit of the doubt that
00:26:03 -->
00:26:06
they have a reality they are also experiencing
00:26:06 -->
00:26:08
and I'm also experiencing something as well let's
00:26:08 -->
00:26:10
come together and let's have a discussion and
00:26:10 -->
00:26:13
let's use active listening which means let me
00:26:13 -->
00:26:15
listen to what you're trying to say and
00:26:15 -->
00:26:17
not listen to respond to what you have
00:26:17 -->
00:26:19
to say because many times we listen in
00:26:19 -->
00:26:21
order to respond so as the person is
00:26:21 -->
00:26:23
telling us oh I'm going through this and
00:26:23 -->
00:26:25
this happened and you did this we're following,
00:26:25 -->
00:26:27
we're formulating a rebuttal in our minds, no
00:26:27 -->
00:26:28
that's not what happened this is what happened,
00:26:29 -->
00:26:30
no you're lying so we're cutting them off,
00:26:30 -->
00:26:33
we're not really letting them express what they
00:26:33 -->
00:26:34
have to say and there's a way to
00:26:34 -->
00:26:36
express that as well that don't go into
00:26:36 -->
00:26:38
attack mode but say that I saw this,
00:26:38 -->
00:26:41
I heard this when I saw this I
00:26:41 -->
00:26:43
started thinking like this, I'm worried because of
00:26:43 -->
00:26:46
this and then when they are done explaining
00:26:46 -->
00:26:48
both sides one side gets to speak, the
00:26:48 -->
00:26:50
other side gets to speak after that, is
00:26:50 -->
00:26:51
this what you're trying to say, yes is
00:26:51 -->
00:26:53
this what you're trying to say, yes, ok
00:26:53 -->
00:26:56
now you move to step number two which
00:26:56 -->
00:27:01
is how do you compromise now you cannot
00:27:01 -->
00:27:03
compromise when you don't understand where the person
00:27:03 -->
00:27:04
is coming from if they don't feel understood
00:27:05 -->
00:27:06
they're not going to be willing to give
00:27:06 -->
00:27:09
up their position but when people feel understood
00:27:11 -->
00:27:13
and this is not just between husband and
00:27:13 -->
00:27:16
wife this is between everyone that let me
00:27:16 -->
00:27:18
listen to what you have to say don't
00:27:18 -->
00:27:20
attack me don't criticize me, just tell me
00:27:20 -->
00:27:23
your perspective ok this is what you have
00:27:23 -->
00:27:24
to say this is what's going on, yes,
00:27:24 -->
00:27:27
ok now you speak let me summarize what
00:27:27 -->
00:27:29
you have to say is that what you're
00:27:29 -->
00:27:31
trying to say, yes is this what you
00:27:31 -->
00:27:35
feel, yes, ok now we've created understanding now
00:27:35 -->
00:27:39
you can move to where reconciliation can happen
00:27:39 -->
00:27:40
which is step number two, the art of
00:27:40 -->
00:27:44
compromise so how do you compromise behind every
00:27:44 -->
00:27:47
position there are core things that the person
00:27:47 -->
00:27:50
is not willing to let go of and
00:27:50 -->
00:27:53
other things they can be flexible on so
00:27:53 -->
00:27:55
what are those core things and what are
00:27:55 -->
00:27:59
those things that you don't care about ok
00:27:59 -->
00:28:01
can we do it like this no I'm
00:28:01 -->
00:28:03
not really willing to let go of that
00:28:03 -->
00:28:05
can we do it like this yeah I
00:28:05 -->
00:28:06
know that could work, ok who gets to
00:28:06 -->
00:28:08
go first I'll give you a real life
00:28:08 -->
00:28:12
example right husband and wife, they have financial
00:28:12 -->
00:28:15
issues the wife thinks the husband is stingy
00:28:16 -->
00:28:21
the husband thinks his wife is careless with
00:28:21 -->
00:28:23
money she doesn't care, she just spends on
00:28:23 -->
00:28:30
anything you guys are laughing ok so you
00:28:30 -->
00:28:33
have this scenario play out and what happens
00:28:33 -->
00:28:35
they're going back and forth, my husband is
00:28:35 -->
00:28:37
so cheap and he's a lawyer and he's
00:28:37 -->
00:28:40
earning so well but he's so cheap my
00:28:40 -->
00:28:42
wife doesn't care about money money came easy
00:28:42 -->
00:28:43
to her so she just spends and she
00:28:43 -->
00:28:46
doesn't value the worth of a dollar how
00:28:46 -->
00:28:49
is this going to play out plays out
00:28:49 -->
00:28:52
negative memories are dominating their thought process it
00:28:52 -->
00:28:54
just leads to issues ok let's sit down
00:28:54 -->
00:28:59
let's try to understand you husband where's your
00:28:59 -->
00:29:03
stance coming from you know what when I
00:29:03 -->
00:29:05
grew up money was tight my dad worked
00:29:05 -->
00:29:08
a lot, worked really hard for us to
00:29:08 -->
00:29:09
be able to get these kind of things
00:29:09 -->
00:29:13
so to preserve and to live on according
00:29:13 -->
00:29:15
to a budget is a way to preserve
00:29:15 -->
00:29:18
our wealth and a way to show gratefulness
00:29:18 -->
00:29:21
to Allah so it's not so now you're
00:29:21 -->
00:29:23
getting to the core of it, where is
00:29:23 -->
00:29:26
the position coming from it's coming from the
00:29:26 -->
00:29:27
fact that he does not want to be
00:29:27 -->
00:29:30
wasteful because this goes against showing or being
00:29:30 -->
00:29:35
thankful to Allah can you respect that can
00:29:35 -->
00:29:37
we respect that opinion, you don't have to
00:29:37 -->
00:29:39
agree with it can you respect it, it's
00:29:39 -->
00:29:45
coming from a good place right ok you
00:29:45 -->
00:29:47
wife what do you have to say you
00:29:47 -->
00:29:51
know Alhamdulillah money came easy for us it
00:29:51 -->
00:29:52
was a way to help people who are
00:29:52 -->
00:29:55
needy to show the blessings to do good
00:29:55 -->
00:29:57
for other people oh so what do you
00:29:57 -->
00:29:59
say so money is a way to be
00:29:59 -->
00:30:03
grateful to Allah وَأَمَّا بِنِعْمَةِ رَبِّكَ فَحَدِّثُ that
00:30:03 -->
00:30:05
when Allah has given you ni'ma then spread
00:30:05 -->
00:30:07
that or talk about it so what are
00:30:07 -->
00:30:09
you trying to say I'm trying to say
00:30:09 -->
00:30:10
that money is a way that we help
00:30:10 -->
00:30:12
those who are less fortunate we have good
00:30:12 -->
00:30:14
careers, we're earning well this is a means
00:30:14 -->
00:30:16
to give back to show those people who
00:30:16 -->
00:30:18
are less fortunate to bring happiness and joy
00:30:18 -->
00:30:21
in their lives ok so money is a
00:30:21 -->
00:30:23
way to express that shukr right, right can
00:30:23 -->
00:30:26
we respect that opinion we don't have to
00:30:26 -->
00:30:28
agree with it but can you respect it
00:30:28 -->
00:30:30
you can expect it's coming from a good
00:30:30 -->
00:30:35
place now you're soft in the sand because
00:30:35 -->
00:30:37
both people are coming from a good place
00:30:39 -->
00:30:40
the way they're going about it is not
00:30:40 -->
00:30:43
the right but the intentions are good so
00:30:43 -->
00:30:47
understanding has been created now you can go
00:30:47 -->
00:30:49
to the art of compromise so what is
00:30:49 -->
00:30:51
it that you want to do I want
00:30:51 -->
00:30:53
to make sure that we are mindful of
00:30:53 -->
00:30:56
our spending we operate within a budget I
00:30:56 -->
00:30:58
want to make sure that we're able to
00:30:58 -->
00:31:01
help other people out it's not about spending
00:31:01 -->
00:31:02
the money it's about being able to show
00:31:02 -->
00:31:05
the ni'ma if we have goodness let's show
00:31:05 -->
00:31:06
that within our lives if we have it
00:31:06 -->
00:31:09
let's be able to give for others as
00:31:09 -->
00:31:10
well now how do you put this together
00:31:17 -->
00:31:19
because the theory has to go into practical
00:31:19 -->
00:31:22
it has to become practical the theory has
00:31:22 -->
00:31:25
to go on paper has to be actionable
00:31:25 -->
00:31:29
otherwise nothing changes so how does this become
00:31:29 -->
00:31:39
practical also the best way is the middle
00:31:39 -->
00:31:41
path ok so that's good that's a good
00:31:41 -->
00:31:50
way let's make that more practical ok so
00:31:50 -->
00:31:53
the husband allocates a certain amount to be
00:31:53 -->
00:31:55
able to kind of spend on those kind
00:31:55 -->
00:31:57
of things ok so that's a good way
00:31:57 -->
00:31:58
that husband says ok you know what this
00:31:58 -->
00:32:00
is what our budget is this is my
00:32:00 -->
00:32:03
responsibilities this is what I'm comfortable with going
00:32:03 -->
00:32:07
wife says you know yeah that's good but
00:32:07 -->
00:32:09
let's increase a little bit more and he's
00:32:09 -->
00:32:10
like ok you know since you have good
00:32:10 -->
00:32:12
intentions and you're the mother of my children
00:32:12 -->
00:32:14
ok let's get a little bit more and
00:32:14 -->
00:32:15
they say you guys agree yeah we agree
00:32:16 -->
00:32:18
so you're budging taking a little bit because
00:32:18 -->
00:32:20
the main position is what to be able
00:32:20 -->
00:32:22
to express that gratitude to help those who
00:32:22 -->
00:32:25
are less less fortunate and on the other
00:32:25 -->
00:32:26
side is still to be mindful that ok
00:32:26 -->
00:32:28
we have the budget can we allocate a
00:32:28 -->
00:32:31
certain amount yes can we go back and
00:32:31 -->
00:32:33
forth 10% 8% 5% ok
00:32:33 -->
00:32:35
7% is good so they're coming to
00:32:35 -->
00:32:38
an agreement and then now it can go
00:32:38 -->
00:32:41
into practice where the husband doesn't feel like
00:32:41 -->
00:32:42
the money is just fine and the wife
00:32:42 -->
00:32:44
doesn't feel as if the husband is just
00:32:44 -->
00:32:46
a stingy guy who doesn't want to share
00:32:46 -->
00:32:48
his wealth so this is the process of
00:32:48 -->
00:32:53
it that the first step that our ego
00:32:53 -->
00:32:55
is there and if somebody says no I
00:32:55 -->
00:32:57
don't have an ego then we're lying to
00:32:57 -->
00:32:59
ourselves because we're human beings we all have
00:33:00 -->
00:33:02
you get upset you don't want to budge
00:33:02 -->
00:33:04
how many people when you're upset at your
00:33:04 -->
00:33:06
spouse feel like oh I can't wait to
00:33:06 -->
00:33:09
do this wonderful thing for this person anyone
00:33:09 -->
00:33:19
anybody nobody what's going on right there's
00:33:19 -->
00:33:22
some back and forth we go we pray
00:33:22 -->
00:33:24
a little bit you read some Quran you
00:33:24 -->
00:33:25
calm down so ok now let's go into
00:33:25 -->
00:33:27
the conversation so the ego is going down
00:33:27 -->
00:33:29
a little bit which means the room for
00:33:29 -->
00:33:32
discussion has opened up but we have to
00:33:32 -->
00:33:34
be willing to listen ok where is the
00:33:34 -->
00:33:38
position coming from once again this has to
00:33:38 -->
00:33:41
go into practice we can talk about theory
00:33:41 -->
00:33:44
all day but when you're in that state
00:33:44 -->
00:33:45
and you're you know you're a little bit
00:33:45 -->
00:33:48
upset all the theory goes out the window
00:33:51 -->
00:33:54
but practical which means we set up a
00:33:54 -->
00:33:56
way for that to happen if things happen
00:33:56 -->
00:33:58
like this let's just calm down certain times
00:33:58 -->
00:34:00
when you get so heated and this is
00:34:00 -->
00:34:04
scientifically proven that when your heart rate goes
00:34:04 -->
00:34:06
over a certain limit you cannot have the
00:34:06 -->
00:34:11
conversation anymore because you're emotionally flooded that conversation
00:34:11 -->
00:34:14
will not happen so both have to take
00:34:14 -->
00:34:18
a time out and calm down do some
00:34:18 -->
00:34:21
dhikr read some Quran literally calm down then
00:34:21 -->
00:34:23
you can come back into the equation and
00:34:23 -->
00:34:26
then have the conversation these things alhamdulillah in
00:34:26 -->
00:34:27
today's day and age you have so much
00:34:27 -->
00:34:29
research that backs it up that this principle
00:34:29 -->
00:34:32
was sulh khair we have practical steps of
00:34:32 -->
00:34:35
how to actually accomplish that and Allah subhanahu
00:34:35 -->
00:34:36
wa ta'ala nonetheless he calls us that
00:34:36 -->
00:34:39
if you show up at the higher level
00:34:39 -->
00:34:44
that you both men or women be willing
00:34:44 -->
00:34:45
to show up at the higher level because
00:34:45 -->
00:34:50
you know people you're naturally gravitate towards ihsan
00:34:51 -->
00:34:52
can you be mad at somebody that's just
00:34:52 -->
00:34:55
always happy and joyful and they fulfill all
00:34:55 -->
00:34:56
the things that they're supposed to be it's
00:34:56 -->
00:34:58
difficult to be upset at somebody like that
00:34:58 -->
00:35:01
because the hearts are naturally gravitate towards those
00:35:01 -->
00:35:04
types of people and there's another theory right
00:35:04 -->
00:35:07
there's a book written by a Christian author
00:35:07 -->
00:35:11
it's called love and respect the concept of
00:35:11 -->
00:35:13
that is that men want respect and women
00:35:13 -->
00:35:19
want love sisters would you agree brothers you
00:35:19 -->
00:35:23
agree right 100% you guys agree but
00:35:23 -->
00:35:24
the sister I would argue with that and
00:35:24 -->
00:35:26
say they want certainty more they want to
00:35:26 -->
00:35:29
feel that safety which leads to that love
00:35:29 -->
00:35:31
that's there now here's how the cycle works
00:35:31 -->
00:35:37
out he is giving whatever her needs are
00:35:37 -->
00:35:40
whether it's love or certainty she is usually
00:35:40 -->
00:35:43
giving him the respect that he wants so
00:35:43 -->
00:35:48
that's the normal cycle let's say when he
00:35:48 -->
00:35:51
doesn't feel respected he's usually not giving her
00:35:51 -->
00:35:53
what she needs and when she's not getting
00:35:53 -->
00:35:57
that certainty or love she might not be
00:35:57 -->
00:35:58
respectful so now you go into this crazy
00:35:58 -->
00:36:04
cycle how do you break that that despite
00:36:04 -->
00:36:06
the fact that you might not be getting
00:36:06 -->
00:36:09
that you still give to her what she
00:36:09 -->
00:36:12
needs and despite the fact that she might
00:36:12 -->
00:36:14
not be getting what she needs she still
00:36:14 -->
00:36:16
gives him what he needs this way the
00:36:16 -->
00:36:21
pattern gets broken and they move towards reconciliation
00:36:21 -->
00:36:24
once again this is you know for general
00:36:24 -->
00:36:27
good marriages those that are abusive and you
00:36:27 -->
00:36:29
know there's way off the boat then these
00:36:29 -->
00:36:31
principles are not technically going to work for
00:36:31 -->
00:36:33
that but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala you
00:36:33 -->
00:36:37
know he says وَالصُّلْحُ خَيِّرٌ and in every
00:36:37 -->
00:36:39
matter even when it comes to two groups
00:36:39 -->
00:36:41
of Muslims who have issues with them what
00:36:41 -->
00:36:44
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala say فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَهُمَا
00:36:44 -->
00:36:47
وَأَقْسِتُوا that reconcile between them and be just
00:36:47 -->
00:36:49
let's sit down what do you have to
00:36:49 -->
00:36:50
say what do you have to say what
00:36:50 -->
00:36:51
are you willing to back off what are
00:36:51 -->
00:36:52
you willing to back off now if there's
00:36:52 -->
00:36:55
somebody has the truth with them then the
00:36:55 -->
00:36:58
person takes puts their position back and sheikh
00:36:58 -->
00:36:59
Abdullah used to mention that you know when
00:36:59 -->
00:37:01
it comes to like issues that people are
00:37:01 -->
00:37:02
debating about when it comes to fiqh issues
00:37:02 -->
00:37:04
so on and so forth you have it's
00:37:04 -->
00:37:05
simple it shouldn't be such a big deal
00:37:05 -->
00:37:07
you have evidence I have evidence no big
00:37:07 -->
00:37:10
deal you don't have evidence I have evidence
00:37:10 -->
00:37:13
for what I'm saying come with me I
00:37:13 -->
00:37:15
don't have evidence you have evidence I should
00:37:15 -->
00:37:17
go with you we both don't have evidence
00:37:17 -->
00:37:22
there's no issue there but if the problem
00:37:22 -->
00:37:24
becomes that I want to maintain my position
00:37:24 -->
00:37:27
at all costs that's a problem the ego
00:37:27 -->
00:37:29
has to go down a little bit is
00:37:29 -->
00:37:32
the quest so that I be right or
00:37:32 -->
00:37:33
is the quest so I find out what
00:37:33 -->
00:37:35
the truth is so I find out what's
00:37:35 -->
00:37:37
closest to what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:37:37 -->
00:37:44
and his messenger have legislated so the second
00:37:44 -->
00:37:49
principle is that reconciliation in matters is always
00:37:49 -->
00:37:55
better it preserves the relationship preserves the contracts
00:37:55 -->
00:37:58
that's there preserves the family that's there and
00:37:58 -->
00:38:01
in order to implement this principle we have
00:38:01 -->
00:38:04
to learn what it takes that how do
00:38:04 -->
00:38:07
I communicate how do I negotiate as well
00:38:07 -->
00:38:10
what are things I'm willing to lay off
00:38:10 -->
00:38:12
on I'm going to compromise the other person
00:38:12 -->
00:38:14
is going to compromise as well and then
00:38:14 -->
00:38:17
we come together and we form an agreement
00:38:17 -->
00:38:18
that works for the greater good of the
00:38:18 -->
00:38:21
relationship the last and final principle is a
00:38:21 -->
00:38:24
prophetic principle in which the prophet said in
00:38:24 -->
00:38:27
the end of a hadith that ...
00:38:28 -->
00:38:29
...
00:38:31 -->
00:38:34
that the one who is slowed and does
00:38:34 -->
00:38:39
not do the required action then their lineage
00:38:39 -->
00:38:40
is not going to benefit them in any
00:38:40 -->
00:38:43
way shape or form so all the connections
00:38:43 -->
00:38:45
that a person has is not going to
00:38:45 -->
00:38:47
benefit them when it comes to yawm al
00:38:47 -->
00:38:49
qiyamah and it doesn't matter what their lineage
00:38:49 -->
00:38:53
is whether they're non-Arab doesn't matter it
00:38:53 -->
00:38:54
all comes back to ...
00:38:56 -->
00:38:59
that the most noble one of you is
00:38:59 -->
00:39:05
the most pious of Allah and ...
00:39:05 -->
00:39:09
he said that make your treasury your graves
00:39:09 -->
00:39:12
so make that your treasury and fill it
00:39:12 -->
00:39:14
with as much good deeds as you can
00:39:15 -->
00:39:17
that when you go to it and you
00:39:17 -->
00:39:21
find all those good deeds there you will
00:39:21 -->
00:39:24
be so happy that you get to find
00:39:24 -->
00:39:26
that treasury there that when it really counts
00:39:26 -->
00:39:28
when you leave this world and you go
00:39:28 -->
00:39:30
there and you see all these good deeds
00:39:30 -->
00:39:32
that were put forth that's when it's going
00:39:32 -->
00:39:36
to come and benefit you and Allah subhanahu
00:39:36 -->
00:39:39
wa ta'ala who's the only sahaba mentioned
00:39:39 -->
00:39:49
by name in the Quran I heard the
00:39:49 -->
00:39:53
answer Zayd radiallahu anhu and who is Zayd
00:39:53 -->
00:39:59
ibn Haritha he's the prophet's adopted son but
00:39:59 -->
00:40:02
he was his servant slave once upon a
00:40:02 -->
00:40:03
time until he freed him and then he
00:40:03 -->
00:40:05
made him his adopted son until Allah subhanahu
00:40:05 -->
00:40:07
wa ta'ala abolished that that you cannot
00:40:07 -->
00:40:09
adopt a son and give him your name
00:40:09 -->
00:40:13
per se that's the only sahaba that's mentioned
00:40:13 -->
00:40:17
by name in the Quran and he was
00:40:18 -->
00:40:21
a slave once upon a time he didn't
00:40:21 -->
00:40:23
have that family backing that tribal backing that's
00:40:23 -->
00:40:25
there so you know at times we get
00:40:25 -->
00:40:29
caught up with where I'm from and who's
00:40:29 -->
00:40:31
my father and there's one thing where you
00:40:31 -->
00:40:33
get to know one another based on that
00:40:33 -->
00:40:36
and certain countries are tribalistic in nature like
00:40:36 -->
00:40:38
for example our Somali brothers and sisters you
00:40:38 -->
00:40:40
know we meet somebody what's your name so
00:40:40 -->
00:40:41
and so who's your father so and so
00:40:41 -->
00:40:44
and you know the whole lineage until the
00:40:44 -->
00:40:45
end of the tribe the tribe leader this
00:40:45 -->
00:40:46
is a way that they get to know
00:40:46 -->
00:40:49
one another where's the daisies we don't have
00:40:49 -->
00:40:52
that right what's your name safe last name
00:40:52 -->
00:40:55
Murad okay khalas end of story there's nothing
00:40:55 -->
00:40:57
there's no tribe that we go back to
00:40:57 -->
00:41:00
this is ways for people to get to
00:41:00 -->
00:41:02
know one another but it's not a means
00:41:02 -->
00:41:05
for people to boast over one another because
00:41:05 -->
00:41:09
if you look at it Abu Lahab Quraish
00:41:09 -->
00:41:11
nobility the uncle of the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi
00:41:11 -->
00:41:14
Wasallam and what was the story given about
00:41:14 -->
00:41:21
him in the Quran that may Abu Lahab
00:41:21 -->
00:41:24
be destroyed because of what he did against
00:41:24 -->
00:41:28
the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and Ibn Taymiyyah
00:41:28 -->
00:41:31
he mentioned that you will not find in
00:41:31 -->
00:41:33
the Quran not even a single ayah where
00:41:33 -->
00:41:36
Allah S.W.T praises somebody based on
00:41:36 -->
00:41:38
their lineage and their ancestry and where they're
00:41:38 -->
00:41:41
from and also at the same time he
00:41:41 -->
00:41:44
does not blame somebody for that as well
00:41:44 -->
00:41:47
but what he praises in the Quran are
00:41:47 -->
00:41:51
qualities like Iman, Taqwa Tawakkul, Justice and all
00:41:51 -->
00:41:54
these praise worthy qualities those are the things
00:41:54 -->
00:41:57
that sets people apart that how do I
00:41:57 -->
00:42:00
adore myself with these qualities Iman, Taqwa, Ihsan
00:42:00 -->
00:42:04
Bir, goodness to my parents, these are the
00:42:04 -->
00:42:07
qualities that a person needs to bring into
00:42:07 -->
00:42:10
their arsenal and Umar R.A he mentioned
00:42:10 -->
00:42:13
that the Arab, you know they got their
00:42:13 -->
00:42:16
honor because of the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam
00:42:16 -->
00:42:19
and he said some of them perhaps they
00:42:19 -->
00:42:22
go back in lineage where their grandfathers meet
00:42:22 -->
00:42:23
one another so there's some sort of connection
00:42:23 -->
00:42:30
within their chain and what we have is
00:42:30 -->
00:42:32
that lineage and eventually everyone goes back to
00:42:32 -->
00:42:35
Adam Alaihissalam, whether you're Arab non-Arab everyone
00:42:35 -->
00:42:38
goes back to Adam Alaihissalam and he says
00:42:38 -->
00:42:41
that Wallahi that by Allah if the non
00:42:41 -->
00:42:44
-Arabs they come with better deeds than us
00:42:44 -->
00:42:46
and we don't come with the righteous deeds
00:42:46 -->
00:42:49
then they are more deserving and closer to
00:42:49 -->
00:42:51
the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam on Yawmul Qiyamah
00:42:51 -->
00:42:55
than us that it's not about skin color
00:42:55 -->
00:42:57
language a person speaks who their father is,
00:42:57 -->
00:42:59
what part of the world they're from but
00:42:59 -->
00:43:03
it's about that Taqwa, that Iman that who
00:43:03 -->
00:43:05
has that regardless of where they're from, what
00:43:05 -->
00:43:08
their skin color is or what gender they
00:43:08 -->
00:43:12
are and he said a person a man
00:43:12 -->
00:43:16
should not look at their relatives their lineage
00:43:16 -->
00:43:19
but rather they should work towards what's with
00:43:19 -->
00:43:21
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala because the one
00:43:21 -->
00:43:23
who falls short when it comes to their
00:43:23 -->
00:43:25
deeds that status that they're holding on to
00:43:25 -->
00:43:27
that they think is going to benefit them
00:43:27 -->
00:43:29
that they know so and so or their
00:43:29 -->
00:43:31
father is so and so is not going
00:43:31 -->
00:43:33
to benefit them in any way, shape or
00:43:33 -->
00:43:35
form Imam Al-Zuhri he went and he
00:43:35 -->
00:43:39
visited Abdul Malik Ibn Marwan and Abdul Malik
00:43:39 -->
00:43:42
Ibn Marwan is the Khalifa the Umayyad Khalifa,
00:43:42 -->
00:43:44
so he says where have you come from
00:43:44 -->
00:43:46
O Zuhri Imam Al-Zuhri one of the
00:43:46 -->
00:43:50
greatest scholars from the early generation so he
00:43:50 -->
00:43:52
said I came from Mecca so he said
00:43:52 -->
00:43:54
who has been left behind to govern their
00:43:54 -->
00:43:58
affairs and he said Ata Ibn Abi Rabah
00:43:59 -->
00:44:01
that he's the one who is the leader
00:44:01 -->
00:44:04
of Mecca so he asks a question that
00:44:04 -->
00:44:06
is he from the Mawali, now this term
00:44:06 -->
00:44:08
was used to describe non Arabs that is
00:44:08 -->
00:44:11
he from the Mawali or the Arabs and
00:44:11 -->
00:44:13
one of the reasons for the downfall of
00:44:13 -->
00:44:16
the Umayyad dynasty is because they gave preferential
00:44:16 -->
00:44:18
treatment to the Arabs over the non Arabs
00:44:19 -->
00:44:21
and that was one of the reasons for
00:44:21 -->
00:44:24
why the Abbasids revolted against them, because they
00:44:24 -->
00:44:26
would treat the non Arabs like second class
00:44:26 -->
00:44:29
citizens in a way, so he said Ata
00:44:29 -->
00:44:31
Ibn Abi Rabah so he said is he
00:44:31 -->
00:44:34
from the Mawali, from the non Arabs or
00:44:34 -->
00:44:35
from the Arabs, he said from the non
00:44:35 -->
00:44:39
Arabs, so he asked the question like why
00:44:39 -->
00:44:41
or how does he rule over them, how
00:44:41 -->
00:44:44
does he have that status over them to
00:44:44 -->
00:44:47
which he said because of his deen and
00:44:47 -->
00:44:49
his narrations, because of his deen and his
00:44:49 -->
00:44:54
knowledge and then the Khalifa he says that
00:44:54 -->
00:44:57
indeed the people of deen and knowledge are
00:44:57 -->
00:44:59
the ones who deserve to rule over them
00:45:02 -->
00:45:05
and then he said who rules or who
00:45:05 -->
00:45:06
is the leader of the people of Yemen,
00:45:07 -->
00:45:09
so he said Tawus, now these are like
00:45:09 -->
00:45:12
Mufassirun in a sense, these people who are
00:45:12 -->
00:45:14
non Arabs, they excelled when it comes to
00:45:14 -->
00:45:17
Tafsir and other sciences that they were better
00:45:17 -->
00:45:19
than many of the Arabs at that time
00:45:19 -->
00:45:21
so he said Tawus, so he said once
00:45:21 -->
00:45:23
again is he from the Arabs or from
00:45:23 -->
00:45:25
the non Arabs he said from the non
00:45:25 -->
00:45:27
Arabs, he said what gave him that status
00:45:27 -->
00:45:29
within his community he said the same thing
00:45:29 -->
00:45:32
that made Ata in that position, it's because
00:45:32 -->
00:45:34
of his deen and his ilm and his
00:45:34 -->
00:45:37
knowledge, and he said that is befitting for
00:45:37 -->
00:45:39
him, so he said who rules over the
00:45:39 -->
00:45:42
people of Egypt, and he said Yazid Ibn
00:45:42 -->
00:45:44
Abi Habib, so he said once again is
00:45:44 -->
00:45:45
he from the Arabs or is he from
00:45:45 -->
00:45:47
the non Arabs he said from the non
00:45:47 -->
00:45:50
Arabs and he said okay, what about Ahl
00:45:50 -->
00:45:52
al-Sham, who's the one who has that
00:45:52 -->
00:45:55
authority over there so he says Makhul, he
00:45:55 -->
00:45:57
said Arab, non Arab, he says non Arab
00:45:58 -->
00:46:00
and he said he, this guy was actually
00:46:00 -->
00:46:02
a slave once upon a time that was
00:46:02 -->
00:46:07
freed and then he got that status then
00:46:07 -->
00:46:09
he said okay, what about the Arabian Peninsula
00:46:09 -->
00:46:12
he said Maimun Ibn Mahran he said, is
00:46:12 -->
00:46:15
he Arab non Arab, he said non Arab
00:46:15 -->
00:46:16
and he said okay, what about Ahl al
00:46:16 -->
00:46:19
-Khurasan he said Ad-Dahhak Ibn Nazahim he
00:46:19 -->
00:46:22
said, is he Arab, non Arab he said
00:46:22 -->
00:46:24
non Arab he said okay, what about Basra
00:46:24 -->
00:46:27
he said Hassan Ibn Abi al-Hassan he
00:46:27 -->
00:46:29
said, is he Arab, non Arab he said
00:46:29 -->
00:46:31
non Arab, and he said okay what about
00:46:31 -->
00:46:35
Kufa he said Ibrahim al-Nakh'i and
00:46:35 -->
00:46:37
he said, is he Arab or is he
00:46:37 -->
00:46:39
non Arab, he said he is Arab he
00:46:39 -->
00:46:42
said, waylak ya Zuhri woe be to you
00:46:42 -->
00:46:47
oh Zuhri you've given me this shock you've
00:46:47 -->
00:46:47
given me this shock that how do these
00:46:47 -->
00:46:50
people have that position and then he said
00:46:50 -->
00:46:56
Wallahi no he said that you've caused me
00:46:56 -->
00:46:58
this anxious you've made me so uncomfortable in
00:46:58 -->
00:47:03
a sense that the non Arabs are ruling
00:47:03 -->
00:47:06
over the Arabs so much so that they
00:47:06 -->
00:47:07
are the ones who are giving the khutab
00:47:07 -->
00:47:10
from the members from the pulpits and the
00:47:10 -->
00:47:13
Arabs are below them, so he still has
00:47:13 -->
00:47:17
this backwards way of thinking you'd say thinking
00:47:17 -->
00:47:21
that because of lineage or because of the
00:47:21 -->
00:47:23
language they speak, that they deserve these positions,
00:47:24 -->
00:47:26
and Imam al-Zuhri who has the understanding,
00:47:26 -->
00:47:30
he says ya ameer al-mu'mineen the old
00:47:30 -->
00:47:32
leader of the believers that is the matter
00:47:32 -->
00:47:37
of Allah and his deen whoever preserves it
00:47:37 -->
00:47:41
gets that elevated status whoever acts in accordance
00:47:41 -->
00:47:44
to that, they get that elevated status, and
00:47:44 -->
00:47:48
whoever regardless whether Arab, non Arab if they
00:47:48 -->
00:47:51
let it go to waste then they're the
00:47:51 -->
00:47:54
ones who go to that lower position so
00:47:54 -->
00:47:56
within Islam the principle is what?
00:47:56 -->
00:47:58
that it's not about who you and I
00:47:58 -->
00:47:59
know, or who you think you are what
00:47:59 -->
00:48:01
our positions are, or who's our connection but
00:48:01 -->
00:48:05
it is our actions and Islam came and
00:48:05 -->
00:48:07
eradicated all of that, and the Prophet sallallahu
00:48:07 -->
00:48:09
alayhi wa sallam, you all know that he
00:48:09 -->
00:48:13
said that there is no superiority for an
00:48:13 -->
00:48:14
Arab over a non Arab, and a non
00:48:14 -->
00:48:17
Arab over an Arab but it is all
00:48:17 -->
00:48:19
about, we all go back to Adam alayhi
00:48:19 -->
00:48:21
salam, and eventually all of us are going
00:48:21 -->
00:48:22
to leave this world, and eventually we're all
00:48:22 -->
00:48:24
going to turn into dust, but the ones
00:48:24 -->
00:48:27
who truly make it, are the ones who
00:48:27 -->
00:48:29
have that iman and that taqwa the ones
00:48:29 -->
00:48:31
who are the most mindful of Allah subhanahu
00:48:31 -->
00:48:33
wa ta'ala those are the ones who
00:48:33 -->
00:48:35
get that honor and that status with Allah
00:48:35 -->
00:48:37
subhanahu wa ta'ala so may Allah subhanahu
00:48:37 -->
00:48:38
wa ta'ala make us and fill our
00:48:38 -->
00:48:42
hearts with iman and taqwa may He give
00:48:42 -->
00:48:44
us understanding of this deen, may He allow
00:48:44 -->
00:48:46
us to implement these principles that we learned
00:48:46 -->
00:48:51
the first one is that the ones who
00:48:51 -->
00:48:54
invent lies against Allah against his religion, against
00:48:54 -->
00:48:56
his messenger against the people, against his allies
00:48:56 -->
00:48:59
then they're eventually, they're the ones who are
00:48:59 -->
00:49:00
going to be the losers, whether it's now
00:49:00 -->
00:49:03
or later, eventually it's going to happen the
00:49:03 -->
00:49:08
second one was that reconciliation is better, which
00:49:08 -->
00:49:10
means I have to learn how to do
00:49:10 -->
00:49:16
that siblings, parents spouses community members, how do
00:49:16 -->
00:49:18
we reconcile, how do we come together, how
00:49:18 -->
00:49:20
do we sit at the table and discuss
00:49:20 -->
00:49:24
without losing it and understand each other and
00:49:24 -->
00:49:26
then come to an agreement that works for
00:49:26 -->
00:49:29
the betterment of everyone that's involved and then
00:49:29 -->
00:49:32
finally that it's not about who you know
00:49:32 -->
00:49:34
or who your father is or what your
00:49:34 -->
00:49:36
status is or what your qualifications is but
00:49:36 -->
00:49:41
it's about the actions that proactive approach that
00:49:41 -->
00:49:44
I look at my grave as my storage
00:49:44 -->
00:49:46
box, that I store my good deeds in,
00:49:46 -->
00:49:48
that eventually without a doubt we're all going
00:49:48 -->
00:49:50
to be leaving this world and when I
00:49:50 -->
00:49:53
go there, I'm happy, I rejoice and I'm
00:49:53 -->
00:49:54
comfortable inshallah may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:49:54 -->
00:49:56
give us goodness in this world and the
00:49:56 -->
00:49:58
next may He make la ilaha illallah in
00:49:58 -->
00:49:59
our tongues when we leave this world, may
00:49:59 -->
00:50:00
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us goodness
00:50:00 -->
00:50:02
in this world and the next may He
00:50:02 -->
00:50:03
ease the pain of our brothers and sisters
00:50:03 -->
00:50:05
across the world, may He give victory to
00:50:05 -->
00:50:06
the Muslims always