Safi Khan – Soul Food Hadith 11 Severing Ties
AI: Summary ©
The importance of balancing oneself and others is emphasized in Islam, where individuals can cancel out their lives if they are not fully human. Representatives and boundaries are key elements for managing emotions and behavior, and individuals can manage their behavior through boundaries. The speaker emphasizes the need to prioritize one's soul and deen, protect one's life, and set healthy boundaries. The importance of communication and understanding boundaries is also discussed, along with upcoming events and programs for college students. The speaker provides examples of difficulties in establishing boundaries and setting boundaries in relationships, and mentions upcoming events and programs for college students.
AI: Summary ©
And I shared it with one of my
one of my childhood friend's wife.
She said, is this finally the pop up
shop?
You're finally cooking for us. Are you cooking
salt food for us? And I was like,
what?
No. But close.
So, yeah, I'm glad we're happy to be
here. Is your last one? I've had a
great time,
so let's jump in. I think a good
way to start with the narration is get
the vocab down. Again, this is another one
of those narrations where we're probably familiar with
quite a few words if we just kinda
push ourselves a little bit.
Even if you're not used to looking at
Arabic and interacting with it,
just listening for some words, they'll kind of
stand out to you. There is also a
typo in this website.
Yeah. But so so
another word that you might know that's of
a similar root is the word halal. Right?
Everyone knows the word halal, and it's permissible.
This is the verb form of that. K.
So it's not permissible.
It's not appropriate.
For a,
a believer. Right?
And We may not word the we may
not know the word but another word that's
with the same would be the word.
Right?
Is kind of the the thing we think
of is when the prophet migrated from Mecca
to Medina, but to migrate or to leave
or to abandon something.
Means brother, so it's not
permissible. It's not appropriate for a believer to
abandon his brother.
Or
does that say yeah.
Literally means above, but here means for more
than 3 days. K? For 3, yeah, 3
days it says here. Some narrations stay 3
nights. Honestly, if you start reading, like, books
of explanation,
you have to realize they're those people writing
those are kinda like nerds. Right? They're, like,
digging deep into each word and why is
it here.
Sometimes you forget, like, if you and I
read it, we'd be like, okay. Why are
we talking about the 3 nights part of
this narration? Like, the rest of it, there's
a lot to unpack, but they have long
discussions. Like, is it 3 full nights and
3 full days? Is it just under more
than 3 days? Okay. Like, 4 days is
fine. But so the narration is not really
about the number, but the principle here is
really important. And I think one of the
big takeaways you'll probably take from all of
these narrations that you guys go through at
Soul Food is that
Islam teaches us balance.
Right? It's kind of
it's teaching us how to avoid extremes. So
what it's telling us is no matter what
conflict happens, whatever happens between you and someone
else, you're not allowed to abandon them completely
for more than 3 days. Okay? Meaning, you
can't just cancel people out of your life.
Alright? Maybe that's the word we need to
kind of internalize because,
I mean,
you guys are maybe young, but if you
keep doing that in your life, when you're
a little bit older in 5, 10 years,
there won't be anyone around you. There won't
be anyone left.
Because if every person I disagree with, every
person I have a conflict with, I'm like,
I'm done. I'm not talking to that person
anymore. I'm not interacting with that person anymore.
That is gonna keep happening in life. It's
part of life. And if that is your
approach to disagreement
and situations of conflict,
you're gonna do that with every single person.
There is not
there is not going to be, and rather
there should not ever be, any relationship where
there's no conflict. There will always be conflict.
Your best friend, you will disagree with them.
You will fight with them sometimes.
Alright? You're just look into family.
Your most beloved people,
your parents, your siblings, people literally
have known you
when you couldn't eat, wash yourself, you couldn't
do anything. These people took care of you,
and you can fight with them.
Right? It's normal. That's part of life.
What's not what we're learning is a limit.
Just because you have a disagreement,
you're not allowed to start canceling people out
of your life. Like, the life you will
have if you keep doing that, if this
becomes your pattern, is not a pleasant life.
And Islam is giving us that balance.
Alright?
And what's interesting here
is in other narrations, the narration actually continues.
Okay? This is one part of it, but
other other narration, it continues.
So he says these 2 people
who have kind of, like,
canceled each other, you can say,
when they meet one another,
this one is avoiding him, that guy's avoiding
him. You guys see each other at an
event. You're like, oh, I'm gonna sit on
that side. I don't even wanna have to
come face to face with this person. I
don't wanna have to talk to them. I
don't wanna have to say salaam. The other
person is thinking the same thing. You think
you're the only one thinking? The other person
is doing the same thing on the other
side of the room. Room. Right? That's what
the hadith is talking about. And then the
prophet tells us
that the best of those two people who
are kind of avoiding each other
is the one
that breaks this cycle
and
says salaam. The first one to say salaam.
The first one to initiate connection again with
that person. Okay? Now I do want you
to kind of understand a few things related
to this narration. We are given 3 days.
So you're allowed to be fully human,
feel all your feels for 3 days. You're
angry. You're raging.
I don't know about you guys, but sometimes
when I get really angry,
I, like, still put the next day in
my body. Like, I'm still, like, why do
I feel loss? I'm not angry anymore,
but the impact of the anger from the
previous day or from earlier in the day,
I still feel it in my body. It
has an impact on me. And Islam is
saying, feel your feelings. 3 days,
go ahead. You're still upset, you're still angry,
day 1 is gone night 1, day 1.
Night 2, day 2. You can do your
night and day count however you want. Okay?
3 days, experience all your feelings, do what
you want. But
remember that any emotion, good or bad, left
unchecked is problematic.
If you're feeling good and you're always feeling
good,
there's a problem.
Right?
A lot of psychological illnesses are diagnosed by
people not feeling the right emotion at the
right time. If we always felt good, the
guy who's like,
oh, there's a terrible tragedy. He's like, you're
like, woah. That's not a normal response. Right?
Any emotion to its extreme is problematic.
And we're learning here, feel your feelings,
feel the anger, feel the rage, but it's
it can't consume you. It can't become part
of your life now. After 3 or 4
days, you need to step out of that.
You need to
work towards resolution. Okay? Now I will kind
of also address the other side because there's
other narrations
that tell us so we're getting one extreme
defined for us. You can disagree with someone,
but don't let that disagreement turn into hatred.
Don't start canceling people. Okay? Hatred and, honestly,
if you harbor hatred in your heart, again,
it's one of those things you're gonna feel
the impact of it. The other person is
not affected by you. They literally are sleeping
like babies, and you're like, oh,
they're really like,
they're living their best life. They're like asleep,
you know, and you're just like, can't sleep.
You're ruining your life over harboring that hatred.
Right? So as long as you don't hold
grudges. Don't let this be a part of
your life for more than 3 days. Work
towards
resolving it. Okay? It's just not good for
you.
Now on the other side,
what happens though if someone legitimately wronged you?
Is the hadith telling you, no. You now
have to go be friends with that person
who did a terrible thing to you.
And the reality is no. It's not saying
that. And I think the continuation of the
narration provides us with those boundaries. Someone used
the word boundaries, and this narration does a
beautiful job of defining this. Right? The other
the the other narration I cited that tells
us the resolution the 2 people meet, they're
avoiding each other. The best of those 2
is the one that says salaam.
Now saying salaam to someone,
does that take a lot?
Does it take a lot for me to
meet someone and say, salaam alaikum, and that's
it. Does that mean we're, like, every person
you say, you're best friends for life?
It happens when you're, like, 4. You're, like,
we're best friends now. I'm like, I'd see
my nephews do this all the time. I'm
like, okay. That's really interesting, but it doesn't
really work that way. Right? So we're learning
the limits are you can't just cut people
out of your life. You can't just cancel
other Muslims.
You can't just start creating this category of
there's not just 2 categories in the world.
People I get along with, people I like,
people I disagree with are now canceled.
These cannot be the only 2 categories in
life. There's another category that already exists in
everyone's life, which is, like, I don't even
know who this person is. They're other. I
don't know how I feel about them yet.
I haven't sorted them into 2 categories yet.
You're allowed to have another category of, this
is someone I've interacted with.
They've wronged me. They've hurt me.
It it wasn't a pleasant experience.
I'm I'm gonna put them in a different
category, but I'm not canceling them. They're still
humans.
They're still believers. They're still Muslims.
There are bare minimum rights that they will
get from me.
I will say salaam to them when I
see them. Does that mean I have to
go to the house and spend 5 hours
talking to them? Absolutely not. Someone wronged you.
You have the right to establish boundaries. You're
not asked to go ahead, and now
everything has to be the way that it
was.
And, of course, things are different
if it's family and other situations because the
rights there's a few more rights there. Right?
For a Muslim that's not related to you,
there's some baseline rights.
For family, it's a little bit more. You
have to navigate those. But again, you don't
have to
love everyone.
You don't it's the world's not Barney. Alright?
I love you. You love me. Do you
guys know what that is? Please tell me.
Yes. Yes. Someone said
Come on. You know who part of this.
Big purple dinosaur, Brandon.
Okay. So,
yeah, I love you, you love me. That
you don't have to be that way with
everyone. You can set boundaries. You're allowed to
say,
no. This person wronged me or every time
I see this person,
they make it a point to make me
feel a certain way. They put me down
every time I meet them.
You're allowed to establish your boundary. You're allowed
to limit your interaction with them. What you're
not supposed to do is, this person makes
me feel this way. I'm never ever talking
to them ever again. I don't wanna even
see their face.
You see the difference? You're getting you're being
taught we're being taught as believers how to
set healthy boundaries with people around us. And
I think there's another beautiful narration here,
another narration of the prophet that kinda helps
us with this. The prophet says,
that a believer,
he doesn't get stung from the same hole
or the snake hole twice.
That means is if you were in a
situation,
you were hurt, you were wrong, terrible things
happen to you,
you should, in fact, avoid that in the
future. Don't put yourself in that situation. That
doesn't make you a good believer. Just because,
oh, no. But I need to 3 days
are over. We need to become best friends
again. You absolutely do not.
That's not a mandate. However,
you should give basic
Muslim rights, should be there for the person
if they're in need. They request your help,
and you're able to help without you kind
of cross without you put it compromising yourself,
you should do that. Saying, salaam, fundamental right,
you should do that. Anything you can do
within healthy boundaries, you should do that, but
it doesn't mean you need to compromise
your
your
well-being. Alright? And that's a beautiful caveat that
we see in the explanation to this narration.
The scholars say all of this is true,
but the thing that is most important
is your deen,
literally your soul, we're talking about soul food,
your nafs, your soul is really valuable and
beautiful, and you should take care of it.
If someone is
if there's a toxic relationship, if there's a
friendship,
if you have been friends with someone for
7 years, 8 years,
and now it's becoming toxic, it's starting to
affect your life, it's okay to move on
from that. It's part of growing up. It's
okay to have less interaction with people you
used to have more interaction with because you're
we're all growing.
And as you grow, you may drift apart
or the relationship changes a little bit, and
that's totally fine. Because as you grow apart,
you can limit
your interaction again. Just don't cancel people. That
makes sense?
Alright. One last thing I'll say, and this
is kind of related to I think you
know, this is a college program, but just
I think,
Satsavy can speak to this as well.
But I think you this is something at
this age you're gonna start experiencing a lot
more. In college, you'll have friends that were
your best friends. You probably already felt it
transition from high school to college. In high
school, you had a crowd. You were maybe
a different person also. We're all changing all
the time. You had a crowd. You had
people around you, and it was probably great,
or maybe it wasn't.
And if you need to
if you need to protect yourself and you
need to protect your soul,
even you need to protect your worldly life.
What if you're in a situation where someone
is, like, leeching off of you and scamming
you, you can't even live your life. That's
a real situation as well. You can protect
yourself. You're allowed to do that. There's nothing
wrong with that. Right?
But as you grow, it's okay
to drift apart from other people,
and that's a natural part of life. It's
happened with me. So, Safa, you can speak
to that. Anyone you guys have probably experienced
that if you think about it. Right? When
you were in high school, there were certain
friends. It was great. You grow up. You
drift apart a little bit, and there's nothing
wrong with that.
If you ever see them again 5 years,
10 years later, just because you drifted apart
doesn't mean you're enemies.
Right? You're that still was your friend. You
had good times together. You exchanged salaam. How
are you? Good. Done. You don't have to
go to dinner with them unless you want
to. Unless
again, if it's affect you, if you think
it's gonna negatively impact your soul
or your life, you don't have to do
that. You just have to maintain
those basic rights that are due. And, again,
define your limits. Okay?
And the hadith is giving us those limits.
The lower limit was the bare minimum you
should do is say salah. You can say
salah to someone that's pretty good. The problem
is and all of you all of you
all got family. Right?
Family is just like,
they did this to us
17 years ago to the day. It's like
a memorial. You're like, why are the calendars
marked? Why are we, like, celebrating
kind of this day? 17 years ago, they
did this. We don't talk to them. We
don't look at them. And they're like, what?
And that's what this hadith is preventing, and
you see the effects of that.
You can talk to them. You should at
least have a base. Salam, you good? We
good? Cool.
We don't have time for hours. Quick check-in.
Hey. Are you okay? Good. I'm good. Okay.
Check-in once a year, not every year on
that date.
I don't know. I don't wanna get into
details, but it could get real dark.
You get the idea.
So that was that was all the points
that I had for today. Again,
it's it's easier as a sense of what
you're saying before.
It's easier said than done. Like, we all
understand this.
When we have to put into practice, it's
gonna be way harder. Right? When you have
to
reassess your relationships in your life, reassess friendships,
reassess your groups,
it's gonna be very difficult. I don't mean
to, like, sugarcoat it or be like, it's
easy. Yeah. You're outgoing your friends. Just do
it. It's hard.
It's hard.
But in all of that, remember the most
important thing
should be your soul, your deen.
Right? Your relationship with Allah should be at
the top. If someone is ruining that and
compromising that, you need to prioritize that above
everything else.
And if it's affecting you in a worldly
sense, like, a very good example is, like,
you're in college and
this these friends are ruining your college experience.
You're like, grades are suffering. Your future might
be affected. You should change that. It's so
obvious when it's over there, you're like, yeah.
I'm trying to get a good job. But
when it comes to, like, our hereafter or
our relationship with Allah, it's not so obvious.
And it's hard. It's not gonna be easy,
and that's why these kinds of
groups are very important where you can talk
about it. Right? We're all going through that's
the beauty of kind of the human experience.
We're all going through some a similar experience.
Like, you can
talk to someone of any age. Like, I
could talk to my mom, and she'll have
something to relate to this with a friend
or someone. It's a reality that we all
experience,
and,
the prophet
kinda putting that right at the front. He's
making us think about all of these
things.
Do you wanna have forgot my favorite quote.
Sorry. Don't do it. Just so my name
is Omidula. I was
I was called Obi Wan a lot growing
up. So, of course, there's a great Obi
Wan line here, which is only a Sith
deals in absolutes.
We just don't want Star Wars.
Can you tell me more Only a Sith
deals in absolutes. Oh, I wish that was
So don't
I appreciate that. She said she wished you
watched Star Wars for this moment.
So
only as it deals in absolutes, meaning
either friend or enemy. Those are the only
it's actually in response to that. He's like,
if you're not with me, then you're my
enemy. And Obi Wan's like, dude, that's how
life works.
They can be friends, enemies, and a whole
lot in the middle there. Don't deal in
absolutes. And then this this statement gets a
lot of hate because, technically, it's an absolute
statement, but we're not gonna get into that.
Okay? We're not gonna dissect that right now.
The delivery is beautiful.
It's like he was waiting for this moment.
He was. He was ready.
Sorry. I didn't didn't make it into my
talk. You know? He was supposed to.
Quite make it. It's also a little
anybody have any,
any
questions, comments,
any reflections on your side as well that
you'd like to share as well? This is
also really like like, as I was mentioning
that it's a very relatable topic. You know,
there there there are certain topics, especially like
in the in the spiritual religious realm where
it's like sometimes hard to relate to. Right?
Like, we talk about like salah and getting
in the middle of the night. I go
like, well, I don't really know about that
one. It's like, trying to struggle with the
5 the the the yeah. One day. One
day inshallah. But I mean, this is something
that, like, everyone kinda goes through in their
life if you've ever met another human being
in your life. Right?
And and these things kind of exist whether
you like it or not. Right? So, anyone
have any sort of questions? Yes? Go for
it. Yeah.
Question. Not a concern. Mhmm.
So
let's say this thing does happen and,
you know, both people get canceled from both
sides. You put this talk into practice and
you try and reconcile, but the other person
is still pretty intent on keeping you canceled.
Are you just about to, like, chill for
the rest of your life? I think I
mean, I don't know about rest of your
life, but I think you're just responsible for
your effort. You have to try.
If you tried and you think you tried
sufficiently, that's your responsibility.
We're not responsible for other people's actions. You
we can't be. Imagine we were. We had
control.
It would not be fair.
So and it's that's an interesting point in
general that you're not responsible for other people's
actions. A lot of times parents feel that
about their kids sometimes. Like, man, I tried,
but my kid's doing everything. Even parents, you're
not responsible for your siblings. You're not responsible
for your friends. Yes. You have responsibility to
advise,
to do whatever you can if you can.
Alright? Again, don't go around advising everybody if
you're not in that position.
But if you can, you have responsibility, but
you do not have responsibility for someone else
to act. They have to choose to act.
You know, the the so I don't know
if you're just mentioning this the other day.
Like, the rule about therapy is that someone
has to choose to be there.
You can't force someone
to benefit from therapy unless they want to
be there. If they want to be there,
they might benefit. If they don't want, you
cannot trick someone into therapy. Like, uh-uh.
You're on the couch.
There's a man here. Like, you come home
from school, and he's like, hey. Sit here.
And he, like, sit down. Light turns on.
Guy's sitting in the chair. So, like, that's
fine. You ought to do that. Okay. It
just doesn't work. It's not effective. So same
thing here is be responsible for their actions.
Be responsible for yours. And if you tried,
it's the best you can do. When I
say you're good for the rest of your
life, I don't know. If the opportunity presents
itself again, maybe try again. You also don't
have to, like, make it your life's mission
now. Like, until this person is happy with
me, I will not stop. That's also not
a healthy habit.
Yeah. That that's actually really that's really really
important. There's actually a narration left of where,
it's a beautiful kind of like it's a
it's a long narration, but I mean the
the the essence of it is there was
a man who walked by the prophet and
he was with the other companions of his,
and he said that this man is basically
guaranteed paradise.
And and the companions never, like, saw anything,
like, utterly, like, like, special about him. They're
like, oh, he just looks like the rest
of us. He's walking around and he's just
kind of, like, doing his thing. And so
this man, he goes and, like, observes this
this this guy. Like, it's fascinating. Or other
prophets gonna make such a large statement, like,
he's guaranteed paradise. Right? A level guarantee for
him paradise. There must be something that he
does that's, like, absolutely just phenomenal. Right.
And he observed this man for days and
he was like, there's nothing he does that's
like unique. Right? It's not like house. Yeah.
He's he literally like made up an argument
stuck into his house. Yeah. I need to
stay with you. He's like, yo, my mom
and I got in an argument, got kicked
out.
And and and he saw he just just
very abnormal person. And he goes, what what
is it that you do? I've gotta level
with you. What is it that you do
so special? And he says, you know, I
I make sure that when I go to
sleep at night that I have no animosity
in my heart for anybody else. Right? So
I I I do what I can to
make sure that my heart has a level
of in it. Right? And this goes to
what Asad was mentioning is that, like,
yeah. Sure. In your life, may there be
other people that that that have issues with
you that you might not know about. Maybe
they haven't outwardly addressed it with you. But
there's also, like like you said, like, aside
that you can control what's in your realm
as well. Right? And as long as you
know that you can go to sleep at
night with the knowledge that, you know what,
I've done whatever I could do. Right? My
heart rest at peace with this idea that
I have, you know, exerted my effort, my
energy into making sure that I've covered my
side. Then now you leave it for the
other person to make their move. Right? So
that's a that's a really good point, actually.
That's actually a very relevant point as well
because I think that's pretty relatable to all
of us that there have been, you know,
conflicts that we've gone through where we've done
whatever we could, but the other person may
not be reciprocating it from their side. Aloha.
And one thing I'll add just to that
is
the you know, a lot of times we
talk about it, but it's absolutely value valuable
action item. Is part of your plan of
reconciliation should be obviously talking to the person.
Let's say you hit a wall,
make dua for that person.
That's
really bare minimum. It doesn't take effort. It's
sincere dua for someone else, and you don't
know what'll happen on the wall. You know?
Years later, even, things can change. But then
you've kind of tackled you've done everything you
do.
Anyone else have any questions,
comments, concerns?
Yeah. So that's a hard one. It's
like, you're already in it. How do you
get after it? Like, you're in the thick
of it. How do you separate?
I think this is,
you know, of course, you know, I'm just
gonna speak from my experience. I think one
of the things you can do is,
almost,
like, take your 3 days,
not because you're mad or not because you're,
like, trying to cancel someone, but you're trying
to you need a break. You can't go
from, like, where biffles to, like, distance.
You can take distance on your own and
then reincorporate
to your comfort level. But you have to
go you have to almost force yourself to
go to 0, and then you get to
control how much interaction you reincorporate into your
life. It's hard to go from fully
incorporated,
like,
where we're gonna see each other every minute
of every day, and then, like,
okay. We're gonna start cutting back. It's hard
to go that way. It's easier to go,
oh,
I'm busy this weekend, you know, or something
like that or a a break or something
like that where you don't see someone for
a while. And then you reincorporate,
on your terms, and then you get to
establish boundaries. And, also, every you know,
I always kind
of envy these people. I have a friend
who's, like, super
disciplined, and, like, he has no qualms about
saying no to things.
I feel like we're so
scared sometimes to say no. You don't have
to hang out with someone every time they
ask you. You can just say, oh, no.
I'm not busy. Thank you. Or it's I'm
not busy. I'm not busy. Thank you. I
wanna hang out with you.
I'm or or I'm not available. Thank you.
Maybe next time. There's nothing wrong with that.
You don't have to say yes to every
invitation you get to do something.
That's a big one. It's a hard one.
That's a hard one. That's really tough. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm just like, I really should sleep
today. Okay. Let's go. Yeah.
It's not it's hard, but especially in that
situation,
when you're trying to create the boundary, it's
okay. Like, you know, sleep away for a
few days. But you don't wanna go, like,
for too long where someone is not noticing,
and then that becomes a whole discussion. You
don't really want it to be one. You're
like, now it's awkward. You
know? I think we we we were talking
about this the other day with somebody actually,
that it's it's good it's good in life
to set expectations of your relationships with people.
You know?
I I think when somebody expects, like, the
world from somebody else and they don't receive
it back, that's usually when people end up
getting hurt. You know? It's like your idea
of them was like x y z,
but what they can actually offer you is
nothing close to it. Right?
And and and this is kind of a
part of the process of what Assad was
mentioning is that you can need to learn
along the way. Right? The hadith of the
prophet saying that a person of a believer
doesn't get bitten the same area twice or
from the same hole twice. It's like you
you you take that and you learn. Right?
If, like, a person's giving you this kind
of sign that, like, they they this is
how much I can give you, then you
shouldn't go back home and be like, well,
not mad at them for, like, not doing,
you know, what what I wanted them to
do. Well, they never said that they could.
You know? Like, they never said that they
would do it. They all in fact, they
may have been giving you very strong hints
that, like, yeah. I I I'm not gonna
be there on on Friday
or Thursday or whatever it is. But so
so then it's up to you at that
point to not
not not be angry at them for not
not for for honestly being honest with you.
You know? And that goes vice versa as
well with you and other people. You know?
So that's something you also learned growing up
is, you know, you've kind of, like, set
those boundaries and those expectations with people, I
guess. Yeah. It's hard to It's it's difficult.
Yeah.
It's a really hard one. When you put
it in the family context, it's so challenging
because
and this one's just I mean, I'll just
speak personally. That's the hardest one for me
me because you want
you we'd know or we learn about the
rights of family, and you're trying to do
your best. Like, you really are. You're like,
I I wanna be good. I wanna do
this, but then you also know you need
to establish boundaries. It's a tricky one to
navigate.
But I really think there it's hard.
And I know every relationship is different, so
I don't know. You know, obviously, it's different.
But I think as as Safi is mentioning,
like, establishing
that their expectation,
almost like 1 on 1 trying to have
a conversation.
And,
I think,
specifically with parents,
it can,
you'd be surprised.
I've seen many times with students in the
past as well. Like, maybe they've gone through
high school or they're in college, and then
they have that kind of mature conversation
with their parents about boundaries. And
and, really, speaking about it, like you mentioned,
from a perspective, like, of how it makes
you feel and your
health, right, and well-being.
And, of course, you know, that's hopefully, we'll
open you know, they'll look at it from
that perspective. And they'll actually
in some situations, they really respect the maturity
that it takes to be able to have
that conversation.
Of course, I don't every dynamic is different.
I don't know what someone's relationship is with
their parents or how their parents react or
what kind of dynamic that is, but, you
know, obviously, I'm speaking of pretty ideal,
you know, textbook ideal situation. Obviously, that's often
not the case.
Yeah. The the the the family situation is
tough. It's it's it's very difficult to maneuver.
I don't know if there's something maybe a
subtle bill can and, you know,
share as well. But usually, like, as you
get older and this is maybe more clickable
with parents,
for I found out with my parents that
it's more about the time that I can
spend with them, like, maximizing that versus, like,
trying to spend time with them that's like,
where I'm not really there. You know? Let
let let let like, if if if I
go see my parents once or twice a
week, I try to make sure that that
entire hour I'm with them, I'm actually with
them.
You know? Versus going to see them 4
times a week, I'm just, like, not really
there at all. Like, I'm, like, dead tired.
I don't even have any conversations with them.
I'm probably on my phone half the time.
Like, you know what I'm saying? At least
my parents have kinda learned to appreciate that.
They're like, oh, we actually know when he's
actually, like, here. There's sometimes where I go
there. I'm like, oh, you know, but I'm
I'll be I'll be kind of, like, working
in and out, like, while I'm here. And
she was like, she I can see. And,
obviously, parents will never say that. They're like,
oh, why'd you even come? Like, there's a
happier there anyway. But I can tell, like,
really from my own awareness that they're way
more appreciative when I'm actually there there with
them.
So I think kind of like
being aware of yourself and how much you
can give even with your parents. Right? Might
be something to look into a little bit.
Also on that note, sometimes,
explaining the reasons for the,
for the boundaries. Like, I'll give you a
scenario. Like, this is probably a very real
scenario for a lot of people. Let's say
you have a lot going on this week.
It's a hard week. You have finals. You
have a lot to study for. There's a
lot of deadlines.
You know already you're not gonna be able
to
meet certain expectations that maybe parents or someone
else has. Right? To communicate that up front
and early and just say, like, look. I
know I was supposed to do this, this,
this, this, or supposed to do this, but
I have
this exam coming up on this day. I
need to study it for you here. I
have this project. I have this too. I
have this too. I mean, some people overuse
this because it's like, okay. Really? You don't
always have stuff going on. But if you
use it, honestly,
people will respect that. They'll try to help
establish those boundaries and make sure that you're
getting the time that you need to take
care of what you need to take care
of. So I think that, communication can helps
a lot. Again, every time I make a
difference,
but, it can help.
Okay.
Anyone
else? Anyone else? Questions,
comments, reflections, concerns? Alright.
Works in so easily. I still can't get
the word reflections in there. Reflections. I am.
These are programmed for questions, comments, concerns. I
really cannot get the word reflections. You only
have to rewire my brain. It's really hard.
It is very
difficult. InshaAllah. Okay. Cool. Awesome.
Guys. Thank you guys for coming. Obviously, we
thank for for sharing his time with us
as well.
Obviously, the Putnam schedule is not easy. It's,
you know, I love this weekend though now.
Right? It's on Friday. It's on Friday. Exactly.
Everyone knows that my family my cousin would
be. Friday night, though. Right? I'm like, yeah.
But I have to go do this thing.
My cousin's at my house right now, and
he's like he's like, oh, it's your weekend
started. I was like, it did. Probably right
back.
He's like, what?
No. I appreciate you guys coming out. We
have, the last two kind of programs for
college students this this coming week is basically
the bonfire on Saturday, which I believe it's,
like, a ridiculous, like, capacity. It's, like, 70,
80 people or something like that. So, inshallah,
make sure if you wanna come through Saturday
night, make sure our RFP for that so
we can kind of take,
account for everyone who is gonna be showing
up. And then next,
Thursday, we have Sheikh Mubin coming to share
some,
lessons with us as well. So Sheikh Mubin
will be here next Thursday, bonfire on Saturday,
and then everyone knows that we usually call
it, like, a a a year
roots after,
the break officially starts. We take a couple
of, like, around 10 days off from the
rest of the year. So
enjoy the last couple of, weeks here, and
then, we'll see you all in the New
Year as well. Alright?
Everybody. There's food over there for everyone. There's
food, drinks. Our brother Hasib over here, just
ordered pizza for everybody, which is like a
really awesome big time move.
So enjoy the food over there, and, y'all
are free to hang out and and chill
and socialize. Alright?
Guys. Oh, the bonfire is here. It's here.
Yeah. Right. Yeah.
Right in the middle of the carpet. There's,
like, oh, building gone. So the the the
I'm actually got clearance from the stuff today.
The you know the rotunda area outside, like,
right before you enter? There's, like, a circular
area right outside the parking lot. That's usually
where we host it. Yeah. So so on
Saturday.
Like, right here.