Safi Khan – Soul Food A Conversation on Stress and Anxiety
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AI: Transcript ©
Everybody.
Hope everyone's doing well.
We're really actually happy that we're able to
serve up some boba for everybody,
during this cold Dallas winter evening. It's, like,
75 degrees outside.
But, I hope everyone's enjoying, the refreshments as
we
begin our soul food programming. Just kind of
like a little bit of an FYI.
Next week, soul food will be our last
soul food for the month of December for
the year, actually,
just because hold off. I don't know why
he's giving me a thumbs up.
But, you know, inshallah, we're be we're gonna
be taking a little bit of a hiatus,
towards the tail end of the the month
of December,
21st, 22nd moving forward until the very beginning
of January. Again, we'll kick back. We'll kick
start Soul Food back up again, inshallah.
But, alhamdulillah, we're really happy that everyone's here
today. We have an awesome
topic that I think that
is super relevant right now, actually.
The topic, if you haven't seen
on Instagram and our social media platforms, is
the topic of stress and anxiety.
And I'm sure Sadaf Fatima and Sadaf Murphy
have both,
interesting insight and reflections to share with all
of us on how
stress and anxiety play a very unique role
to every individual.
I think every individual handles stress and anxiety
differently. How many of you all feel that,
you know, you you find the end of
the year quite stressful in your life for
any reason? Anyone?
Yeah. Exams, semester coming to an end, taking
a lot of, you know, taking a lot
of assessment in usually at the end of
the year, and things kind of just start
to come to a head at the end
of the year. And so this, you know,
this part of the year is very, very
sensitive for a lot of people.
And how to maneuver through
that stress and that anxiety and what will
happen or what won't happen are these big
looming questions that we all have as we
kinda head into these next couple weeks. And
so what we're gonna be doing is sharing
some thoughts and reflections
on this topic. And at the end, I
want everyone to actually, right now, start formulating
a couple of questions or a couple of
thoughts in your own head that you would
like to maybe discuss at the end of
the session when we part q and a?
Because I think the q and a portion
of today's session is gonna be extremely crucial
because I think there's a lot of practical
advice
in
and special. As
the you know, our 2 teachers are sharing
their thoughts and reflections and are kinda giving
us some spiritual guidance. I want everyone to
start thinking a little bit about what they
feel personally about stress and anxiety and how
it plays a role in their life, in
your life, and what things would you want
cleared up, and what kind of guidance would
you like to see when it comes to
this topic? So, if
you wanna go ahead and start us off.
So like Asad Safi mentioned, the topic
of stress
and anxiety
is something that everybody
experiences. Like, everybody experiences stress at in different
parts of their lives
for different reasons.
You know, somebody
could be a terrible test taker, for example,
and
stress out about the fact that they will
have exams or tests. Or you can be
a great test taker, but it's still something
that makes you a little bit worried. And
the thing with stress
is that
it's something that, you know,
it lingers for a very long time.
There's before the before effect
where you're thinking about this future thing that's
happening, and it's such a big deal and
it's coming up, and you don't know how
it's gonna pan out. You don't know what's
gonna happen, and you don't know the outcome.
And then there's the after effects of it,
where you've now us to the point where
this thing has happened.
And 9 times out of 10, things worked
out and played itself out in a way
that it was supposed to play out. And
but now you're exhausted from that moment. Like,
you're so tired, not even from the task
itself.
You know? You're not tired from, like, for
example, from your finals themselves, but you're tired
from the stress to stress pre finals,
and then all of that energy,
finals happen in 30 minutes, and then now
you're like,
okay. But my body is physically exhausted from
that moment.
When I was
preparing for today, I was speaking to myself,
and I really want
to look into the life of Proximus, and
I'm implying a story or a time in
his life
that
kind of
gives us an understanding
of,
you know, how do we how are we
to act in this moment or in this
during this time when these types of things
come up? And how are we to handle
stress? And how do we, you know,
help ourselves to deal with that a little
bit better. K. How do we help ourselves
deal with that a little bit better?
And one of the stories that came to
my mind, and it seems like I'm always
sharing a battle story with you guys, but,
hey. Let's do it. But one of the
stories that come to my mind is the
battle of bother. And the reason why the
battle of Badr came to my mind
is because
when the prophet
migrated to Madinah,
the creation, they were actively trying to stop
him. You know, it wasn't something that was
like they weren't like, hey. You can go
out and you can do whatever you want.
We don't care. Finally, you've gone. No. They
were trying to stop him.
They didn't want him to leave. They put
a bounty out on his head. They stayed
outside his home all night ready to break
ready to, like, kill him if he tried
to leave.
So you have that the Quraysh, one of
the biggest reasons why they didn't want the
migration to happen amongst many.
But one of the biggest reasons why they're
gonna want the migration to happen was because
they were afraid
that if the prophetess kinda went to Medina,
that he would be able to basically
have an an army. K. He'll be able
to have, like, an army. He'll be able.
The Muslims
would get on their feet, and they'll be
successful,
and they'll come back, and they will deal
with the creation the way that the creation
be dealt with.
There was nothing to actually point. It's like
there are no narrations that talk about the
Muslims,
you know, planning to do this or whatever
the case may be. But it was an
it was one of the the anxieties that
the parish had. It was one of the
things that they were worried about. And rightfully
so, because at the end of the day,
they weren't very kind people.
They weren't very nice people. So what do
our oppressors do? They don't want the people
that they are oppressing to ever be able
to get on their feet because they know
that they'll knock them down.
And so this is why one of the
biggest reasons why the Quraysh did not want
the Prophetessons to migrate to Medina.
So fast forward
about 16 or so months into the process
of migration to Medina,
you have that the
a lot of people have migrated from Mecca
as well to Medina, and so they're setting
up, you know, their community.
They're they're they're setting up their community.
Now the people who have migrated to Medina
from Mecca,
a lot of them left behind their wealth.
They left behind everything.
They wasn't it wasn't like you're able to
rent a U Haul and pack up your
whole house and go somewhere. That's not how
the migration work.
The way that the migration work was that
you went as light as possible.
You know, you don't want to be saw
you don't want to be seen,
and you wanted to make sure that you
got out of your safe you and your
family.
So people do not have, you know, a
lot of people who have a lot of
money in Mecca
do not have a lot of wealth in
Medina.
All of their wealth was left back in
Mecca.
So you have it back to Qaysh.
They started seeing the different people who left,
and they started going in there and seizing
their wealth, their money, taking their home, occupying
their their homes, and things of that nature.
And whatever wealth that they have, they'll take
it.
So the Quraysh decided, you know what? The
Muslims were successful in going to Medina.
What we're going to do is we're gonna
take all of this money that we've gathered
from their homes,
and then we're also gonna put in some
more wealth from our own side,
and we're gonna send the best
businessmen that we know to Sham,
and we're gonna let him go flip it.
Basically, go make profit.
And this money that they make profit, this
caravan that we're sitting for them to make
profit,
what we're gonna do with that money is
that we're going to use it to fund
our army
against the Muslims.
So the thing about travel and the thing
about, you know, any nature of human beings
is that word-of-mouth
spreads. Right? And so the Medina was actually
along the route of
to go to Sham.
And so the Medina the people of the
Medin, they used to hear often about what
caravan is going where and going in and
out.
So the process gets word
that basically the
sent Abu Sufyan
with a caravan
with a whole bunch of money
to sham to flip that money, make more,
and create an army
that is going to
basically
annihilate the Muslims.
So the prophet
talks to his companions. He sits them down.
He has a conversation with them, and he
says, what do you guys think about intercepting
this caravan on its way back?
And what that means is that the process
center was saying was telling them that we
are intercepting this caravan.
That way, 1, they don't they're not able
to, like, make this army because they'll lose
some money.
And 2, like, a lot of the wealth
is the wealth of the
the in the first place.
So what happens
is that Abu Sufyan
gets word that this is what the Islam
is doing. This is what the the the
Muslims are gonna do. They're gonna come, and
they're gonna intercept the caravan.
So Abu Sufyan sends a message
to the people in Kays. He says, listen.
The Muslims are coming and they they're trying
to attack me. They wanna attack me.
And then he tells them to prepare for
battle. Well, he doesn't really necessarily say prepare
for battle. He just says they're gonna attack
me, so we need to figure something out.
Now the prophet Tom is in Medina, and
for him, he's not going for battle.
So he tells everybody
the people who can join. He said, if
you think you you have some free time,
you're ready to join us. Let's go. If
you don't, it's not a big deal.
K? It's not a big deal. Life doesn't
like, if you are not free tomorrow, you
don't have to worry about it. So anybody
that said, oh, we need 2 days to
prepare for travel. We need 3 days to
prepare for travel. We need to get our
affairs in order. Anybody that said that, the
prophet said, don't worry. You don't have to
come. Because it wasn't a battle.
They weren't going to fight.
So the Muslims set out
to this area to intercept the the caravan,
and this is called the area of Badr.
So they go there to intercept the caravan.
And when they go
there, Abu Sufyan takes a different route.
He takes a different route. So they don't
get to intercept the caravan.
But when the messenger
went
into Mecca
and told the Meccans that the Muslims were
gonna attack,
what
happens
is
decides
decides, you know what?
This is our moment.
Since they think that they're big and bad
and mighty and they wanna intercept our caravan,
oh, we're gonna show them.
So I've got who goes on the whole
campaign around Mecca,
and he's
literally telling people, you're not a real man,
and you're not coming in this battle.
You think you're gonna stay?
Every person is gonna come fight the Muslims.
Every single person
whether you want to or not. And he
goes to Umayah bin Khalaf who is a,
like, a very prominent person, like, one of
the leaders of the Quresh.
He goes to Umayah bin Khalaf and he
tells him, we're gonna come fight too. Umayyad
bin Khalaf was very, very, very, very, very,
very, very hesitant
because one, he wasn't in shape.
K. 2, he was older.
And 3, the prophet had basically, he had
known that the prophet
made that he would that Allah would deal
with him. So he felt that if I'm
gonna go to this god, I'm definitely gonna
die here.
I'm gonna die as well. So he kept
saying I'm not going.
Jehla tells him, if you don't go, then
the people who look at you as a
leader are not gonna go either.
And on top of that, if the people
who look at you as a leader go
to this battle and you don't go, then
guess what?
You're just lame. Like, we're gonna come back
and we're gonna make fun of you
since you wanna sit here and not go
to battle. So his pride, his ego was,
like, you know, touched. He was upset.
So they all set out to go
on this battle.
The Muslims
are 313. You guys probably know all this
part, but the Muslims are 313,
and they have 1 horse.
One horseman. 1.
You have the Quraysh
who are a
and they have 100
horsemen.
So
the prophet gets word that the Quraysh are
coming with an army.
And so the prophet
now, he talks to his companions,
and he asks them, what do you guys
think we should do? One companion stands up
and says, you know, we have a. We
shouldn't we shouldn't engage. We're not prepared. He's
like, we're walking around here with twigs. Like,
we have literally, they just had sticks that
they will the animals out the road with.
We have no armor.
This person brought the dullest sword they can
find because we weren't here for battle.
We're not prepared. We should not engage.
So the prophet says, does anybody else have
anything else they wanna say? Of a doctor
knowing the nature of the prophet, knowing what
the prophet is asking,
he's asking for alternative plans. Like, do we
have any alternative,
you know, opinions here?
So Al Bakr Sadiq then stands up and
he says,
if you want us to fight and Allah
is telling you that we should fight,
then I'm with you. We will we'll go
with you.
So the prophet nods and he smiles. He
says, okay. Anybody else?
Oh,
He stands up,
and he
says, we're going with you.
The says, okay. Thank you very much.
Next, you have another companion,
who stands up and he says,
we will not give you the response.
We will not give you the response that
the Jews gave to Musa al
Islam. And that response that the Jews gave
to Musa al Islam was
You and your Lord go off and fight,
and when you when you guys get there,
just know we'll be sitting here waiting for
the victory.
That's that was the response of the Jews.
So
tells the prophet, we're not gonna sit here
and wait for you. We're gonna fight with
you. We'll be there with you.
The process says thank you very much. No.
Anybody else?
Now, Saad,
you have a companion by the name Saad
Binwad, who is the leader of UNSaad.
And he's sitting there. He hears the prophet
keep asking anybody else, so then he says,
it seems like you're waiting on the the
word of the Ansar. And the pastor says,
yes.
I am.
And he tells him that we did not
bring you to Medina
just to leave you and not be by
your side.
That's what he told them. We do not
bring you to Medina
just to leave you and let you fight
long and let you be by not be
by your side.
And he told tells the prophetessam,
if you told us to take our horses
and jump into the ocean, we will do
that.
Now the reason why the prophet was waiting
for the Ansar to speak was because there's
a treaty in place.
And that treaty or that agreement that was
in place was that if the Muslims were
attacked in Medina,
then everybody had to fight. But if the
Muslims were not attacked in Medina,
they don't have they don't have any contractual
reason to have to fight.
So the process is asking them and by
the way, of the
313,
270 of them were unstopped.
270 of the 313 will unstop.
So the process sounds like, I know that
you don't have to fight. I'm just trying
to see what are you what are you
gonna do.
So Prasasam, he's very content with that answer.
Now it's time to scope out the battlefield.
Karsasan scopes out the battlefield.
All of these things happen. Then you have
Saad bin bin Laden, who makes a tent
for the.
Like, he makes a tent at the the
tip of the battlefield, basically. So the prophet
asked me, he scopes out the battlefield. He
tells all the companions, you guys should get
some rats. Go lay down.
If this was the night
if you were in this situation,
it is the night before a big battle
that you don't have no armor.
You don't have no sword.
You don't have the right clothes. You don't
have the right
attitude. You don't have nothing. You got nothing.
You're at 0%.
You have no skill. Like, you have nothing.
And someone told you just go take a
nap.
Do you think you're gonna sleep peacefully?
No.
Imagine if the night before a major exam,
and you have not been in the class
the whole semester.
You didn't even know the next day was
the exam until, like, 20 minutes before,
And someone says, you know, go take a
nap.
Go to bed. Just come to bed early.
You'll be fine tomorrow morning.
Would you sleep properly that night?
The companions were terrifying.
They were scared. They yes. They agreed,
but they were that doesn't make them any
less scared.
They were terrified in that moment.
And they're like, their hearts are trembling and
shaking.
And the prophet makes duas for them, and
they slept.
Allah
blesses them with sleep. They slept.
Except for the prophet.
He is standing in du'a
all night
praying to
Allah. Praying to Allah.
Praying to Allah.
Just asking and begging and pleading with Allah.
Imagine how the prophet felt
as the leader of the people,
knowing
that the battle that he's about to go
in is probably one of the worst odds
you could ever think about.
Being low in number is one thing.
Being low in number is one thing.
Having
0 equipment
is a whole another ballgame.
And if you think the Quraysh just came
with numbers, they did it. They came with
numbers. They came with armor. They came with
swords. They came with anger. They came with
rage, and they came with arrogance.
They came ready.
They were armed
armed.
They came to annihilate the Muslims.
And even
even in their preparation, they prepared
with victory in mind.
That they brought along confederating
like singers and dancers and alcohol because they
said they're gonna have a party after they
annihilate the Muslims.
They came with victory in mind.
So you have this this is what the
is
feeling right now.
Talk about stress.
Homeboy's sweating bullets.
Talk about stress. The is
is terrified
too. But who does he turn him to
when he's here?
He turns to a lot.
Time happens,
and the companions pray.
After they pray,
we have to process some turn to the
companions,
and he starts to give them some advice.
He starts to recite the ayahs from Surah
Anfa.
All you who believe.
When you are faced and you are standing
and you have come across the enemy,
then it's important for you to stand firm
and remember Allah.
Then you will be successful.
And obey Allah and his messenger.
And
then he says, do not fight do not,
like, lose lose courage. Don't lose hope.
Don't lose hope.
And then he
says that if you lose hope,
then your strength would depart. Your strength will
go away. Don't lose hope. Don't lose faith
in the law.
And then he says,
and be patient.
Be persevere.
Be patient. Recognize God is there.
That indeed Allah
is with
those who are patient.
And patient patience doesn't mean just sit there
and look around and wait for somebody else
to come and save you. That's not what
patience means.
It means that you keep pushing even though
at this moment,
you're feeling the highest level of anxiety ever.
You're feeling the highest level of stress ever.
Then the processing lines up the companions.
Make sure everybody is standing in the room,
but they still say, he tells them don't
move. Give some directions on the back.
And there's one young companion who's standing a
little bit in the chest of the wall
outside of the palace,
and talks him in his chest.
And the companion tells him, you hurt me
out of school.
And the
like, pulls his shirt up and tells him,
take your, like, take take your revenge now,
like, in this world. And the companion embraces
the and tells the.
And the
asks him, why'd you do that?
Why he hug me? Like, you're supposed to
poke me back.
And he tells him,
I want this to be my last memory
of the
dunya. Because for them
for them, they don't know the miracle that's
about to happen.
For them, this is the end. For them,
this is my suicide machine.
They don't know what's about to happen. For
them, the odds are definitely not in their
favor.
For them, they're walking in
knowing that they can they're probably just gonna
die.
So what does he say? He says, this
is the last memory that I want of
this dunya.
And then the prophet goes back to his
tent,
and he makes dua to Allah. And he
raises his hands in dua.
And he's telling Allah,
Oh, Allah, fulfill for me what you have
promised
me. Oh, Allah, give me what you have
promised me.
He says, oh, well, you have this small,
humble group of worshipers.
Get annihilated, get killed, get hurt in this
battlefield.
Then recognize that there won't be anyone else
to raise their hands to work with you,
Yahuwah.
And then he keeps on making this du'a,
keeps on making this du'a, keeps on making
to the du'a, to the point where his
his his cold fell, his shawl fell off
his shoulder.
And al Bakr Siddiq hears this and he
comes and he embraces the
and he tells the prophet, your lord heard
you. Is
you're good.
God heard you. God's listening.
He's listening to what you're saying. He heard
you. It's okay.
Let's go.
And the battle happens,
and the Muslims end up winning. So that's
where I kept a hold of me. The
Muslims end up winning. Why? Because God sends
down help that they never saw coming.
And the companions talk about it. That they're
standing in the battlefield,
and they just see opponents
falling, flying, like, dead.
And they're trying to figure out what happened.
And then there's some of them say they
see people or figures with white turbos.
And they realize
that sent down angels to assist them.
How many times are we stressed
and we're worried
and we're terrified about something
that's gonna happen in the future?
And Allah
comes through for us.
How many times
are you concerned
and scared
and anxious about something?
And that moment comes
and it's like God just sends an angel
down to calm your heart.
How many times?
The process teaches us a very important lesson
here,
that in life, you need God.
You need Allah.
Allah does not need you. You need him.
And Allah has given us also the ability
to do our part.
We make du'a to him
and we go out on this battlefield of
life ready to give it our all,
and he will come through.
We pray to Allah,
and we're ready to face life no matter
how scary it is, no matter how stressful
it is, no matter how much anxiety it
brings us,
knowing
and having the conviction
that Allah is gonna be there to help
us through it.
That is what the companions did at Badr.
That is what they did at Uhud. That
is what they did at Fatimaqa.
That is what they did throughout their entire
lifetime because they learned it from.
You know,
when I heard this story, actually, that you
hear the bad of brother from many different
people, and I heard it from Musta Kimani.
One part that really stuck out to me
is he said that true victory
and ease of stress and anxiety about things
that you don't know how it's gonna pan
out comes from your connection your connection with
Allah.
That the true victory is in your connection
with Allah
because we don't have control over the unseen.
We don't have control over things that are
gonna happen next week.
We don't know.
Putting your trust in God
relieves yourself of that anxiety and that responsibility.
When you think that you're the one who's
gonna control the outcome of something, you're really
stressed,
like, to the t.
But when you do your part,
you do your best,
you make du'a to Allah,
and then you say, y'all love,
I tried.
And you're honest in your trying. I tried
my best.
Guess what? You've taken that responsibility off of
you and you put it where it belongs
to Allah SWAN.
Because your responsibility is dua and doing your
best using the faculties that God has given
you to do your best. That is your
responsibility.
But sometimes your circumstances are not gonna match
up.
You won't have the armor. You won't have
the equipment.
You won't have the confidence,
but you put your trust in god,
and he will see you through.
That Allah is with those who are who
persevere,
who push through.
Allah is with those people.
I pray that Allah makes us all people
who put our trust in him. I pray
that Allah helps us all out. May Allah
eases our anxieties and our stress. May
Allah cares those who are ill and those
of us who are in good health. May
Allah allows us to continue to have
good health.
That's what I'm, like, when I look at.
So now it comes to those softness and
our little window are that I do as
probably. Right?
So I just wanted to do
a little bit
of a brief
story from the CEO of the prophet, and
then we'll go straight to q and a.
Obviously,
told the story of that one wonderfully.
The one story that I wanted to share
that I thought was super powerful regarding stress
and anxiety
is actually a story where the prophet Muhammad,
like, didn't have
a
immediate
material solution to the stress that he was
going through.
I think one of the greatest,
one of the greatest comforts that I take
from the life of the prophet
is that,
Allah told us in the Quran
He's a human being just like us.
Some of the Quraysh, they used to challenge
the prophet
they used to say, like, why didn't god
send down an angel?
It would have been so miraculous. It would
have proved everything.
If God just sent down debris directly to
humanity
with the Quran, like, nobody would have had
a choice. We all would have witnessed this
miraculous thing,
and there would be no discussion about whether
or not it's from god because it was
an angel.
And,
this, you know, Allah responds to them in
saying that even that would have been good
enough for you. But some of the scholars
actually also comment when they say that one
of the reasons why
God chose
humans as prophets instead of sending anybody, I
mean, angels,
djinn,
to the human race, is so that we
could develop empathy so that we could understand
that they go through what we go through.
Imagine Jibril, like, trying to connect with Jibril
on,
like, anxiety.
Like, Jibril, don't you, like, get sad at
times? He's like, no. I just work.
You know? Like, there's no there's no emotional
connection, and that's not the fault of the
angel, of course. That's the way they were
created.
But it's one of the gifts of having
a human prophet.
And so when you read the stories of
the prophet, and, like, you read stories of
his fear and his anxiety and his tears
and his
happiness and his laughter and his joy, like,
all these things,
there's a gift in that. Right?
That when you hear that, make sure to
remind yourself, like, man, this is all by
design. This is all intentional
on the part of Allah.
So
Sala Fatima, she kind of opened up the
conversation about how the Muslims living in Mecca,
it was
extremely difficult.
They had to leave. There was no choice.
They went to Medina.
But we know before Medina, one of the
stories that you find in the
biography of the life of the prophet Muhammad
is that
he tried to establish a home in the
city of,
Badr.
Badr is a city that's close by to
Mecca. It's, like, very near,
and,
the prophet
tried to go there and tried to build
a sanctuary in a place where people could
live. Muslims cannot be tortured and killed in
the streets they were.
And we don't have time to go over
everything, but, essentially, it was not a successful
mission in the sense that
the reason the prophet
went there was not achieved.
Right? So his mission, his goal of trying
to establish
a community there was not was not reached.
And so what did the prophet
do?
You know, he sat with them, he tried
to convince them, and they rejected him. Not
only did they reject him, but they actually
rejected him in a way that was extremely
painful. I mean, they they took
stones and rocks and they lined up
for miles, 2, 3 miles on the exit
of the city,
and they actually all took turns throwing these
rocks at the prophet
and they caused him to bleed and they
caused him to,
you know, go through this
immense pain
to the point where he fell down, he
fainted,
you know, almost blacked out.
Finally, when they got far enough away from
the city of Fa'id,
the prophet
he rested
in a small,
vineyard. There was a little bit of a
small, like, orchard or vineyard of grapes,
and he sat and put his back up
against a tree and he just kind of
rested for a second.
And the story goes that some of the
brothers that owned the vineyard, they had a
servant named Adas. Adas came and gave the
prophets some grapes.
The prophet asked him, you know, where are
you from? He said, Ninoah.
The prophet said, oh, that's my brother Eunice,
prophet Eunice, and Agbaas was shocked because
nobody knows about who Eunice is. That's somewhere
nowhere close to where we we are right
now. This is shocking. How do you know
about Yunus, prophet Yunus
and the prophet said, he's my brother. We
both received the same message.
So I'd ask, at that point, knew that
this was the messenger of Allah, but nonetheless,
there was a very,
very painful
experience that the prophet went through. And I
want you to understand, when I say painful,
it's not like the pain that we have
sometimes where we know
that at least I still have a place
to call home, at least I still have
food on the table, at least I still
have
a roof over my head. At least at
least, no matter how bad it is, I
I know that I can go and I
can lay down and fall asleep somewhere.
Even if it's my my home, you know,
wherever I am, my friend's house, wherever I
can go to sleep. Literally, the Muslims had
no guarantee of that. The Muslims in Mecca
had no guarantee that they were gonna be
able to
live peacefully. So the prophet
what does he do? I mean, in the
middle of this moment, he raises his hands
to Allah,
and he makes this very powerful dua. And
I wanna share with you this dua, and
then we'll wrap up and go to q
and a.
I'm not gonna share the whole dua because
it's it's, you can dive into it pretty
deep.
But
there's one point in particular that I want
you to take when it comes to the
stress that the prophet, soul of the spirit.
How how did he respond to stress?
He responded like any of us did or
do.
I mean, he felt it. He shed tears
and he cried.
You know, when his son passed away and
he was holding him as he was passing
away and gasping his last breath,
prophetess also cried.
Right? These are tears when the companions were
curious about why the prophet was crying
besides the obvious, but, you know, almost in
a way to sort of learn. How do
we accept faith?
The prophets also said that these tears are
a mercy from Allah. The ability to shed
tears is a mercy from Allah.
Imagine if you had to live with all
of that emotion bottled up inside and you
couldn't express it.
Right?
So there's one line the prophet
he says
that I think is super important
besides expressing and feeling the stress that he
felt.
There's one line that everybody here needs to
take home with you
And that is that it's normal in human
to feel what you feel.
And it's normal at some point to wonder
why Allah is doing certain things in your
life,
or why he has destined for you
certain things in your life.
The prophet in this he says to Allah,
enter enter He says,
He says
like, who are you gonna put in my
in my
authority?
Who's gonna be in charge of me? He's
actually asking Allah like, what's the what's happening?
Right?
He says,
Are you gonna put in charge of me
these, you know, these these very distant,
enemies
that are gonna mock me and try to
ridicule me?
Or
or you're gonna put will you at least
let somebody who's, like, a close friend of
mine be in charge of my life?
Right? At least let somebody who sees me
as a sadiq, as a friend.
So he's he's kinda complaining to Allah, not
about Allah, but to Allah. Oh, Allah,
can't this be the way that this happens?
But then
he says this line.
He says
He says,
as long as your anger
is not on me,
as long as you're not upset with me,
then I don't mind. Right?
And he says,
He
says,
I would
he goes, rather,
I want to have
you and nothing more
than
the protection that you offer.
I would buy that. That was vast.
And then he asked Allah, oh, Allah, I
ask you by your light
to protect me, to guide me, and to
make my state in the afterlife a state
of salam.
And he says again one more time, to
protect me from your wrath and your displeasure.
So the line that I wanted to leave
with is this,
you're gonna feel stress and anxiety in your
life. It's a reality. Right? And we do
have
Islam
encourages and allows, you know, so many different
kinds
of solutions for people when they feel stress
and anxiety,
including mental health counseling, including therapy,
including so many different avenues, prayer, therapy, all
these things are part of the Islamic tradition.
But
the one thing that you walk away with
is that anytime you're struggling with something,
you ask yourself one question.
As long as I am confident
that Allah is not upset with me, then
I know that this is gonna end up
for me.
I know that whatever whatever,
you know,
thing that I find myself in,
it's gonna end up on my on my
behalf as long as Allah is not upset
with me.
So ask yourself the foundational
questions,
how is my prayer?
What what are the ways that I know
that Allah is upset with me or not?
How is my salah?
If my prayer is good, then everything else
will be good. Am I at least trying
to pray? Am I at least giving it
a shot? Okay. I am.
How's my relationship
with
the Quran?
Am I at least trying to listen to
some Quran every morning like we talk about.
Right? Am I at least trying to have
some relationship with my family?
Right? These sort of, like, am I at
least putting an effort in?
And if I'm not, then maybe it is
the case that I'm in a bad spot
with a lot.
So I gotta fix that. I gotta remedy
that. But as long as, oh, Allah, you're
not upset with me and as long as
everything is good between me and you, oh,
Allah, I know that this is going to
turn better. We can't
and tell you the prophet
when we came to stress, so I ask
Allah to grant us the same strength
and that same, you know,
resolve and that same patience.
We'll open it up to questions,
just so that everybody
can
ask and seek some answers,
whatever we can if we can.
And, after that, we'll conclude, Charles.
Yeah.
Yeah. I know.
I know.
So how does when you have a beard?
That wasn't that wasn't a job. That was
just it. You have to choose. Do I
want
to do this, or do I want to?
It's actually quite comfortable, though, to be honest
with you. I am smiling underneath.
I know you guys are all texting. Go
ahead. Yeah.
Yeah.
So I have a question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the idea of
using a substance or something,
is, you know, the idea of using something
to feel better is not
a bad thought or a bad idea. Right?
The problem is is when those things are
harmful to you, then it becomes a bad
idea.
So for example, some people, they they, they
exercise when they feel stressed out. Some people
write.
You know, some people, they
I don't know, go running. Some people sleep.
Some people take a nap. There's, like, need
to disconnect. Some people go for a walk.
So these are all, like, healthy, normal,
you know, beneficial,
non detrimental things that a person can do
when they feel stressed out.
Even to some degree, like eating.
Like, sometimes you just have a crazy day,
and you just need ice cream, man. Like,
it just it's what it is. You know?
That's what the doctor ordered.
Until
a person starts to engage in behavior
or in consumption of something that's detrimental to
them.
So behavior,
obviously, is one thing, substances, alcohol, drugs, etcetera.
We're not talking about, like, medic medicine that's
been prescribed.
We're talking about, you know,
self prescription, basically self prescribed.
And in that case, you know, it has
to be,
it depends on what layer and what sort
of how how to what degree or what
extent that person's involved
with the substance. Of course, you know, primarily,
you know, counselor and a therapist would be
the person that'd be able to sort of,
diagnose that, right, whether it's a psychiatrist or
a mental health psychologist.
But generally speaking,
the idea is that you want this person
to know that
the ability
to process and to untangle the stress and
anxiety that they're feeling,
there are healthy ways to do that.
I think a lot of times, the reason
why people turn to substances that are harmful
is because maybe they're not convinced that there
are
non harmful ways to do it. You know?
There are people that I know that I,
know, grew up
with who engaged in whether it's alcohol or
whether it's,
drugs,
and they,
they sort of had their moment during rehab,
and they fell in love with something else.
And that thing, whether it's writing or lifting
or something,
became
their, their outlet.
And,
subhanallah, they they say that it's just a
completely different experience.
And so I would try to really try
to connect with that person on the fact
that there is a reality outside of that
substance.
There is a there is a reality. Most
time when a person is struggling with,
an addiction to a substance,
like alcohol or drugs,
it begins
as a somewhat of a choice and it
keeps moving forward and it no longer
is a choice. So that's why we do
consider it a sickness. Absolutely.
Addiction is considered a sickness,
and that person is not necessarily
doing that thing by their own will fully
anymore. Right? Now it's turned into an illness.
That's a lot of how it spreads to
help you in trouble. But so that that's
what I would say. Try to focus on
the beneficial ways
of processing.
You guys have any
No. Okay.
Anyone else? Yeah.
Yeah.
It's it's difficult.
What's that?
No. No. Do you no. This is actually
so
Estelle Bogdan's roommate is a mental therapist. So
you can probably I mean, you probably should
have brought her, but actually this would have
been a session in 2,000.
Very fine, guys.
So, I mean, I'll just share one thing
then I'll pass it over to Merc, and
I'm sure you guys have conversations about this
very topic.
I I would say, 1st and foremost, is
that, like,
realize that as a young person,
you know, you might be a minor according
to the secular law of land,
but according to Allah, you're an adult.
And that doesn't mean that, you know, you
you get to walk around the house and
order people around. That's not what being adult
is, but it means that you have responsibility
over your,
your agency over your your life. I mean,
you have to make decisions within realm. Right?
Somebody else is, you know, still taking care
of your bills and taking care of the
house over your the roof over your head
and the food that you eat, then, obviously,
you have a responsibility
to that as well. That's just the reality.
But in terms of your the muscle side
of your life,
you have to keep that going or your
life and and part of that is your
mental health. Part of that is your your
your self care.
And so what I would say is that
if a young person wants to seek therapy,
that's great.
I think everybody should seek therapy, to be
honest with you. I I think everybody should
be open to going to see a counselor
at some point in their life for something.
And if the parents are not so on
board because of maybe, like, there's traditional baggage
or some
some, you know,
I would say some some miss misappropriated
push towards religion
as a thing instead of therapy and instead
of complimenting with therapy,
then I would say that you might have
to kinda reach out to resources that are
going to let you,
talk to somebody
that
do not need your parents necessarily to sign
on. That's difficult because as a minor in
this country, your parents still do have
that, that domain.
Right? Your parents actually can even it's unfortunate,
but even if you're 17, your parents can
tell your therapist to let them see,
your folder.
They can read about everything. So good therapists,
when they talk to minors, they don't take
good notes
because they don't want the parents to know
everything. Right? I actually had because they can
subpoena that stuff. So I actually had when
I was doing my masters, I had my
some of my therapy, teachers,
you know, therapists, professors,
they would say, like, they wrote code words
that only they knew. Isn't that crazy? Just
so that the parents couldn't so it's kinda
like, Adi, but I would you know, hopefully,
it's not to that degree, but you can
try to seek help from maybe a less
formal resource at first and then kinda build
up to that.
It's not a problem you wanna share anything
that you
talked about with Optimum.
Yeah. So,
yeah. I agree with that, especially that sometimes
the seeking help from maybe a less
formal,
way first. And then another thing is that
a lot of times when it comes to
therapy, what people think
about is, okay, my parents are supportive of
this financially.
How can I even go about, you know,
seeking therapy?
And
there are a lot of different ways actually
that somebody can get therapy
for free. So if you go online, for
example, you search for this therapist, you go
online psychology.com,
and if you click on, like, slide and
scale, basically, they let you filter.
And if you filter out sliding scale, they
go by based off of their income. And
a lot of times people would do a
lot of co loan Mhmm.
Therapy for, especially, minors,
that their parents aren't supportive. Like, they will
ask about your situation, and they'll help you
out accordingly.
So that's also a way of going about
it because at that point, they'll be
not necessarily a paid service.
So that's another thing to do as well.
And then the
I just kind of echoing on the side
of the thing that I've said is that,
you know, your mental health is very important.
Your health, your body, like, every part of
you is important. It's an
from Allah.
And, like,
Allah looks at you as someone who is
responsible.
And it's just so happened again that circumstances
don't allow for it to be easy, but
it doesn't mean that you stop trying to
fight for yourself.
You know, you have to fight for your
health. You have to fight for your mental
stability,
and this is something that is very important
for you to take care of.
Any other questions?
Anybody? Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, a lot of times the
word therapy is very intimidating. It's overwhelming.
I think sometimes people associate therapy with, like,
oh, there's something wrong with me because, you
know, the number one thing that I would
get when I talk to people, I'm not
crazy.
And I'll be like, well, I get therapy
and I'm not crazy.
Right? Meaning, like, in how they're defining crazy.
Not using it as a pejorative, but,
so what I would what I would do
is translate it to, like, when you talk
to somebody. That's actually the verbiage that I
usually use, and talk to somebody about it.
And then, like, no. I haven't. Then maybe
you should talk to somebody about it.
Who should I talk to? Well, there's actually
this person who has a degree in mental
health, and and they are able to help,
and this is what they specialize in, or
this is what they've they've learned how to
help navigate through
this stress or this anxiety or this problem
that you're in to help give you some
some tips and some advice. Right?
Even though it's not exactly what therapists do,
but that's kinda a nice little,
you know,
that's a nice sort of pleasant way to
put it. You know? So I would try
to just change the language up a little
bit and not make it about
you need to make an appointment with a
therapist.
Eight sessions, you know, like, 45 minutes each.
I would need to cycle analyze you and
see why you have this problem. Like, that's
I think the more formalized it gets, the
more overwhelming you can get. So I would
just try to keep it, like, super translated
to super easy going language.
There are some therapists that are also, like,
will let you go with that person, and
they'll let you sit on, like, the 1st
session.
Because the key that you want when it
comes to encouraging somebody to seek therapy is
you want them to develop rapport. That's number
1. You want them to have a good
relationship with that therapist.
So if they're gonna talk to somebody,
sometimes therapists like, if you're the referral, they'll
let you come in and sit with them
so that, like, everyone's comfortable.
And then if they like that person, if
the if your friend is comfortable with the
with the therapist, then they might be like,
yeah. If you want, call you know, we
can meet next week same time. And they
may not have you come back, and that's
kinda like you've been hand you handed it
off. Right?
So that's what I would kinda recommend. If
that still doesn't happen,
there are groups that you can go to
that are completely anonymous.
Like, actually, they're done very much like this.
I don't know how COVID is doing with
that. I don't know how it works with
that. But you literally walk into, like, a
public place, like a library, like, 8 PM
on a Tuesday
for, like, this group,
and there's no fee, there's no registration, it's
usually it's usually funded somehow.
And you don't even, like, have to you
know, those, like, in movies or, like, my
name's Emily. Hi, Emily. Like, it's literally like
that,
but it's really productive. And the cool thing
is that, again, because there's no commitment,
you don't have you know? But it's like
a nice first step into therapy. Groups is
a really, really nice, comfortable way for people.
And, again, anyone can go. So, like, you
can go with your friend. So I would
try to recommend that. If they're resistant even
to that,
then you might have to sort of figure
out, like, what they would be doing and
then working within that skills.
Sorry. I answered it. I'm just like
I did my masters in this, so, like,
you know.
I don't practice it, but I I did
my masters.
Any other questions?
Guys, you need therapy too, by the way.
Guys? All the guys are like, no. I
don't.
I need I need a barbell.
Barbells work too, but don't be afraid to
talk to somebody else.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Very good. Wow.
That's a whole that's a whole book. Literally,
I'm teasing right now. So there's a how
do you make salaw something that's not ritual?
Imam Zadhi says there's there's basically three things
that you have to accomplish, but he writes
a whole book on it, but there's 3
things. He says number 1, is that you
have to have a heart that's focused.
Your heart has to actually be, like, in
the moment, you know. Like, think about how
you feel. Are you a sportsman?
Not really. What what what do you what
do you enjoy? That.
What do you what do you enjoy?
Like
skating. Okay. Skating. Do you watch ice games?
Or do you skate yourself? I skate myself.
Okay. So, like, you know when you're skating,
what do you skate? Skateboard?
Okay. You know when you're skating and, like,
you're about to make a jump or you're
about to, like, run on a rail or
do something. Like, your entire focus is in
that moment. Like, you're not thinking about what
you're gonna eat tomorrow.
Right? And the reason why you're able to
pull off a trick or pull off a
jump or something is because you're focused.
Okay?
When I'm watching something that I'm really into,
I'm totally focused. Somebody could be calling my
name from another room and I'm, like, totally
in it.
You know? Super Bowl's on, it's like the
last 30 seconds, this tie game, this the
last 4th down.
You don't even have to be a football
fan. It's like it's exciting. Like, wow. This
is the play that's gonna end the game.
The whole point is, like, if your heart's
in something, nothing else matters.
Right?
You know? Have you ever eaten at a
restaurant before? How do you feel when you
see the waiter coming with your food?
Really nothing else matters. I mean, someone could
be at the door. They're like, the building
will fire you. Like, I don't care.
My food is fire, and it's coming to
me right now.
Well, lucky, like, that is an example of
kushu.
That is an ex that human beings experience
all the time. All the time.
We just don't experience it in prayer,
but we experience it when we're watching something,
when we're eating something,
when we're talking to somebody.
Right? We just don't experience it in prayer.
So How do you experience it in prayer?
You know, Isaiah said number 1, your heart
has to be present.
Number 2, he says,
is that you need to be thinking
constantly
in the prayer
about the one you're praying to. So here's
how I do it. I'll tell you for
me, they're right different.
I operate primarily on a gratitude framework.
I know that
psychologically, thinking about how grateful I should be
to a lot is what gets me the
most emotional. I know that.
I don't operate very well on a fear
framework, although it does obviously help me,
but for me, it's gratitude.
It's almost the sense of shame that I
should feel
knowing that Allah has given me a, b,
c, 123,
and I'm not able to do x, y,
z. You know what I
mean? So for me, when I'm praying, I'm
thanking a lot for everything that comes across
my mind in my heart.
Thanking a lot for my home. Thanking a
lot for the the drink I just had.
Thanking a lot for safety.
I can hear my children playing. Thanking a
lot for my kids, my family.
I just got off the phone with my
mom, thanking a lot for my parent.
Constantly thanking a lot.
Okay?
So you're you're you're you're you're reflecting about
Allah's greatness. Then the third thing, so number
1 is put your heart in it. Don't
think about other things. Number 2, what do
you think about Allah? Number 3,
he says,
you need to think about the brokenness of
the servant.
Like, how much better could you be?
Right? And this is, again, sometimes tricky for
some people,
but it really, really is helpful to reflect
on some of your areas of growth. A
lot of people don't like doing it because
it's uncomfortable.
But where have I failed? Where am I
failing?
And he says if you can think about
those three things during your prayer,
it will help you immensely.
The other thing that I'll say is that
you need to think about your greatest hopes,
your greatest fears,
and your biggest regrets.
If you kinda like if your mind is
processing those things during salah,
you will inevitably your heart will be there
or present.
Right? And it's there's a really good book
on this that we're teaching from on Instagram.
If you wanna buy it, it's called,
the secrets of prayer.
My mom's on it. It's a little bit
intense sometimes. That's why I was I always
recommend reading with a teacher.
Anything from the I
wouldn't read it alone,
but it's it's really, really good. So it's
on Instagram. You can look on my Instagram.
It's there. It's, like, 58 sessions at
this point, so I'm sorry.
But,
it's for, you know, it's a while till,
you know, till COVID's over, so you got
time.
I hope that helps. I hope that helps.
Good question, man. Very good question. And by
the way, it's an ongoing battle. Everyone's gonna
you you know, you're gonna have great prayers
and and then there's some other things. Let
me just tell you some other things too.
When do you pray? Are you praying the
last 3 minutes? Like, not don't answer, but
are you praying the last 3 minutes? If
you are if you're praying the last 3
minutes of the salah, if mangrove is about
to end and you're pray like, what are
the chances you're gonna enjoy that? What are
the chances you're gonna be able to think
clearly?
You know? It's like turning in your paper
in the last you know, it's 11:57.
You need to be in by midnight. Like,
you're not you're not enjoying that moment versus
when you turn it in at, like, 4
PM. You got I got 8 hours. Let
me go make a cup of tea. You
know, like, I can take my time. So
when you pray earlier in the time, in
the loft, in the window,
your prayer by definition is a lot more
relaxed.
It's a lot more enjoyable
versus when you're trying to catch it
or make it up later. Right? That makeup
prayer is not as good as when you
make it in the time.
Also, where do you pray?
Malmazade says this. He says, sometimes you should
just choose a corner and pray in the
corner. If I pray here and I'm facing
this way, I'm I'm gonna be looking at
everybody kinda distracted. So there's a lot of
practical things too. When do you pray? Where
do you pray? Yeah. On the outside and
the inside, you gotta think about how you
set yourself up.
It's a good book.
Anyone else?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, it's, you know,
Allah tells you that you have honor. So
by definition,
the human being, you can't take away the
honor that Allah gave you.
Right? When Allah taught us that he gave
the son and daughter to Adam honor, like,
you can't remove that. That's counter it's counterintuitive
because Allah gave it to you. So out
of your shyness in front of Allah, you're
not trying to remove what he gave you.
You have honor. You have dignity.
But at the same time, it's it's it's
not so much about I'm a terrible person.
It's that
how have I not been able to get
this together?
I haven't prayed in
I haven't prayed on time this many weeks.
What's what's what's what's
the deal? Come on. What's going on? Right?
And so it's kinda almost thinking about that
from the perspective of this needs to change,
not I'm horrible. Because focusing on yourself is
its own form of arrogance.
Right? Even after that says this, it's like,
when you're so focused on your own flaws,
that's its own kind of arrogance. It's like
a weird kind of narcissism.
Right? When you think I'm so bad, I'm
so bad, Allah is like, I'm
I'm greater than your than your weaknesses. Like,
my mercy is greater than your weaknesses.
So instead of it being focused on me,
me, me, it's more so focused on how
can I get better? How can I get
better? So for me, I think to myself,
like, man, I can't believe that, you know,
I prayed
today in the last, like, 4 minutes of.
What was I doing before this?
And I think to myself, man, there was,
like, 30 minutes where I was just sitting
there,
you know, counting, like, I don't know, my
kids. I don't know. Just 12, 12, 12,
12 over and over again. Just doing nothing.
Like, I've been met. Come on. And then
what happens tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow is Jamal's not
having a choice. Saturday,
when the Lord comes in, I'm gonna remember
that conversation,
that internal moment. Okay. I've got a man.
It's 12:20. Lord just came in. Don't repeat
the same mistake.
Right? And then slowly, like, 2 times in
this week, hey. You did a good job,
man. You prayed blah blah right when it
came in. And then the next week, say,
hey. 3 times. Hey. 4 times. And eventually,
7 out of 7. Soon as it came
in, I prayed.
So and that's that's how spirituality works.
Spirituality is, like,
translated to action.
It's a feeling that's inspired into action. It's
not just a feeling that stays in cognition,
but it's actually behavior that comes out.
So it's really about thinking how can I
change? How can I change even incrementally?
Even 1%.
Laura, anything?
You sure?
Okay.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Anything good? Okay. I think we'll end inshallah
here, guys. Just because it's already 8:50.
Ask Allah
to help us and to grant us peace
and to give us tranquility
and to remove any of the difficulty that
we experienced. We ask Allah
to save us
from the, dangers within our own selves. We
ask Allah to give us
that sakina that we're all desperately seeking
and to give us that sense of of
of of confidence in Allah's plan that whatever
is happening, we
don't, without a doubt, that it's for our
our men and the
I will see you guys