Saad Tasleem – Why I Don’t Respond to Comments Online

			Bismillah Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah ala alihi wa sahbihi wa Manuela
salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu to everyone here live and also I know some people listen to
this later as well as it gets posted on my YouTube channel so if you're watching it later it's good
that you're watching it also as always, I would love to hear where you're from so wherever you're
joining us from make sure to put put it in the chat let me know where where you are where you're
joining us from I like to make this a discussion so it's good to know who I'm having a discussion
with. Had the law we have travel lover or whatever your name is what it was set on with the law.
		

			sighs that Okay, so is there from Scotland? Mashallah, Glasgow. I've been to Glasgow quite a few
times. I love that city have the law. I have some friends there as well. We have Saria from
Bangladesh, masha Allah, Zaha from UK Hamdulillah.
		

			Let's see who else had the villa. So we have a few people here. I see a lot of non Americans here,
which is, which is cool. hamdulillah it's good that we have people from other parts of the world as
well. How did they learn? But yeah, so like I said, as you come in, feel free to let me know where
you're from Munira from Michigan. Mashallah. I had Saudia from New York City and the law. So we have
some Americans here as well. and Sr, nausea from Leicester, in the UK, I've been to Leicester once.
I've been to a lot of cities that hadn't been in LA. So you know, usually when someone says I'm from
a certain city, generally, there's a good chance that I've been there. And then just as I said that
		

			we have Colombo, Sri Lanka, which I have not been to
		

			UAE, yes, I've been to UAE as well. How did that come about? It's good to have everyone here. And as
I say, on all the live sessions, it's something I'm trying to do weekly. So every Sunday, around
this time, and I shift the time, back and forth a little bit to accommodate other people and people
in other regions. I know some of the like the Pakistanis, and Indians and you know, that part of the
world, they've said, you know, this is really late for us. So I'm going to try and figure out what
works best for them as well. But you know, right now, this is where we are at.
		

			So let's Good to be here. So today's topic, you know, and I like to make the topic, something that
we can have a discussion about, but also something that is from my personal life. And you know, what
I practice? So today's topic is why I don't respond to comments online. Now, first off, I just want
to say that that is not completely true. It's not completely true that I don't respond to comments,
I do respond to comments, sometimes. Generally, I respond to comments. If so, when I post something,
I don't always go back to check it again, to see like what people are saying, or whatever I do have
admin sometimes will go in and you know, check the comments, and they'll look through the comments
		

			and all that.
		

			But every now and then I will go check the comments. And then you know, if I see something, someone
says, like Jack Elia, I'll reply and say what Yuck, or just just whatever, I'll reply,
		

			so I don't. So I do reply to comments. Sometimes it's not the case that I never reply to comments.
So or if it's like, sometimes if it's like a quick question, someone has a quick clarification about
what I posted, then, you know, if, if I can answer it quickly, I'll answer quickly. But there are
many cases in which I do not respond to comments. So it is normal for someone to get the impression.
And I've heard this before. That, you know, you don't respond to comments, why don't you respond? So
I understand that people would get that impression from my social media presence. So let me break it
down. There's a few different different reasons why I don't respond to comments, or why don't
		

			respond to a lot of comments. So first of all, the thing with comments and having a discussion
online, is that it is very difficult to have a discussion online. Now, the format we're in right now
is a different format, because we're live. So you can say something and I can respond in real time,
and we can have a discussion. But if I post something online, and it's just there, and then someone
put something in the comments, and then I go in the comments and I reply, and then they have to
reply, and then it's it's very difficult to have a proper discussion. And I also mean, that a lot of
times it is very difficult to tell what someone's tone is, what in which in which way did they say
		

			this in what way did they mean this? And that's something which is very hard to tell when something
is typed out. And I always give the example and if you've heard my talks before I you know give this
given this example many times
		

			Give a clip of it recently. But the statement I never said she stole your money, right? I never said
she stole your money. That's a statement. It has made up of seven words. It could be interpreted in
seven different ways depending on which word you emphasize. So I never said she stole your money. I
never said she stole your money. That means I never said it. Maybe somebody else said it. I never
said she stole your money. That's like complete denial, rejection, right? I never said it. I never
said she stole your money. Meaning I didn't say it may be I implied it. But I didn't say it. I never
said she stole your money. So what does that mean? Well, maybe she didn't steal it. Maybe somebody
		

			else stole it. I never said she stole your money. What does that mean? Well, that could mean I never
said she stole your money. Maybe she borrowed it, maybe something else, but she never stole it. I
never said she stole your money. Meaning what mean? Well, maybe she stole somebody else's money but
not yours. And never says she stole your money. What does that mean? Well, that means maybe she
stole something else, but she didn't steal your money. So this is an you may have heard this example
before. But so many, seven different interpretations off of the same statement. And imagine
Subhanallah that when people say things online, it can mean so many different things, even though
		

			you know we're reading something it can you know, it can be easily misinterpreted, it can be taken
the wrong way. As SR Nazia said punctuation can be misleading to how someone punctuates or some
sometimes people don't punctuate it, all right. Or it all can at least so many things up to, you
know, assumptions. And that can be very dangerous and having a discussion. So if me and you we're
having a discussion in in real time, right? And you say something, and I respond, you can say, Hold
on, hold on. That's not what I meant. Right? You're misunderstanding what I'm saying. And we can get
to the bottom of this of this discussion. So the online environment is a very difficult place to
		

			have a discussion and really, also the issue of time, you know, someone says, like, I disagree with
you, okay, you're fair, you're, it's, you're free to disagree. And that's a fair statement to make.
But if we're going to get to the bottom of this, we're going back and forth, and back and forth, and
we're misunderstanding one another, and there's no end to that discussion, right. The other thing
is, a lot of times it leads to arguing online. And arguing something is actually something which
Islamically is is blameworthy, we have the statement of the prophets I send them Hadith narrated by
I shadow the Allah mentioned in Sahih Bukhari and sahih, Muslim, in which she said that the Prophet
		

			sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, in a bajada region Illa, Allah, Hassan, she said that the Islam
said, the most hated person to Allah. Right? The most hated person to Allah is the One who is the
most argumentative, but the most quarrelsome one who argues a lot, this person is most disliked,
		

			most despicable person to Allah, who's penalty Allah, and we can get into that zone, right? Where we
just start arguing, arguing, so we just argue for the sake of arguing. And a lot of times, the
problem is that when it comes to being online, arguing, and debating just becomes our form of
entertainment, right? We entertain ourselves by arguing with people. And that's when it becomes
very, very dangerous. And even, you know, it leads to what is known as a sweater called, you know,
the hardening of the heart. The more we argue with people, the more we debate, people, the heart can
become hard. And a lot of times, you know, it's our ego gets involved, right? It's it's no longer
		

			about what we're talking about, it's about proving the other person wrong, right. And we will go to
great lengths, you know, whatever we have to say, to prove this person wrong and becomes more about
our ego. And that is not something that I want to involve myself into, nor do I want to bring other
people into something like that. And that's why like, a lot of issues of Halla, I don't, I don't
like discussing them online, because, you know, it's all these all these, they become so
problematic. And even sometimes people ask me questions online, like someone will ask me a question
in the comments. And I won't get into it, because I know it can lead to more problems. So one of the
		

			questions I get very often, right, probably the most one of the most asked questions is a question
about hair cuts, right? Is it okay to have a fade have shorter and longer hair? And I actually teach
a class in which we go over this issue in detail. Right? We're being all the evidences the
statements of the scholars with them without him have said about it. We go through and we discuss it
in detail. And so I don't shy away from this issue. Absolutely. But that when I discussed that I
discussed it an academic environment and what I mean by an academic environment is that we can bring
the evidence
		

			We can bring the statements of the scholars, we can have an academic discussion, there is time for
that there's a proper environment to have that type of discussion. Being online is not the
environment for that. You know, a lot of times this is the other problem. People pretty much have
their mind made up. Right. And so when they come across a post, they either agree with it, or they
disagree with it. That's why even when I post things online, a lot of times I see people say like,
Oh, I agree, or people say I disagree. So there's no like, hey, you know, I appreciate that. You
said that. And it caused me to really,
		

			you know, evaluate my opinion and really think about my opinion, not to say that doesn't happen,
people's minds can be changed through a post can happen. But most times people either agree with
you, or they disagree with you. So they agree with you. Like if they agree with you, thank you,
Zack, good luck said. Glad you said it. Somebody had to say it, right? That's what happens. Or they
disagree. They disagree with the post them like, I disagree. How can you say this or whatever. So
it's really hard that you know, to having that, you know, in the comments really changing someone's
mind, and often say, when was the last time
		

			you saw someone change their opinion in the comments of a post? So when was the last time like two
people are going at it? In the comments, you know, like back and forth, and back and forth? Like I
disagree. Here's my evidence who did it? And then after, like, 30 comments, one person says, oh,
okay, just like, you know, what, you convinced me, I was wrong. And you're right. I personally have
never seen that happen. Maybe you've seen it happen. But it's almost never that online, someone
goes, Oh, you convince me because we went back and forth in the comments. I have seen it happen in
person. I've seen it happen when talking to someone, and giving them the evidences, and really, you
		

			know, dissecting the issue and getting to hear from someone that you know, you can convince someone
in person. But online, it's it's so difficult. And that's why even Pamela I say, if you have a
disagreement with someone, never email them, or message them, okay? Because through messaging and
emailing, it becomes very impersonal. And also, the first problem that we talked about is that you
don't know the person's tone, you don't, it's hard to tell what they mean by it, it can be easily
misinterpreted. So if you're trying to resolve some conflict, if you have a problem with somebody,
and you try to resolve it, at the very least call them, best case would be you actually meet them in
		

			person, you meet them in person, and you talk to them, and you have a real conversation. Because a
lot of times, you know, as I said, same problem with arguing online or debating online. Same problem
with messaging, you know, same thing we say something, it's very impersonal. People will often say
things online,
		

			that they would never say in person, right? People will say things in an email or a text message or
in a WhatsApp message or something that they probably wouldn't say to you to your face. Because we
have more, we would be more careful about what we say. We may be more more conscious and cautious
about how we say something. And so that makes a very big difference. last issue here for me, is
trolls, so that I'll put them in the last category, someone who's just trying to troll you.
		

			Hopefully, you all know what a troll is. Does anyone here not know what a troll is? You tell me in
the comments, if you don't know what a troll is, basically, a troll is someone who's just trying to
get a reaction out of you, right? So they're saying things or they may say something like ridiculous
or say something, basically, to get you to react. And so what they want is some type of reaction out
of you, and I'm not willing to give that satisfaction to anyone. So if someone's going to try and
get a reaction out of me, they're saying things just to, you know, make a joke, or they're trying to
be funny, and they just want a reaction, then I'm not going to give them that satisfaction by
		

			responding and, you know, and, and, you know, falling into into this this game, the best way to deal
with a troll is to ignore them. Right? It's to not respond.
		

			It's just, you know, that's, that's the best way there's a statement that I find to be very
interesting and very true. It's been attributed a few different people. But someone said, I learned
a long time ago, to never wrestle with a pig. Why? Because you both get dirty, but the pig actually
likes it. Right? So never wrestle with a pig because what's what's happening here, right?
		

			You're both getting dirty, you're both in the mud, but the pig enjoys it. And you're putting
yourself in a position now where you're just getting mud on yourself. And so that is an analogy for
arguing with people online who are just, you know, this person who's trying to troll us or you know,
trying to get a rise out of us. They're enjoying themselves where we may end up saying something
that we regret, we may end up saying something in a way
		

			way that
		

			we we normally wouldn't speak, right? Because they got to rise out of us. So these are some of the
reasons why I don't really so if you look at my social media, if you look at the comments and stuff,
I don't really get into, you know, discussions and, and debates online, I'm not in the favor for it.
I much prefer either a class where we, you know, we can be face to face, and we can have to decide
or something like, this is fine as well, you know, a live session where, you know, I can see the
comments here, I can see, so if you disagree, and I'm no problem. Well, I, you know, people think
that, you know, I don't like people who disagree with me, or, you know, you know, I don't want
		

			people to disagree with me, I have no problem with people disagreeing, I actually appreciate people
who disagree with me, because perhaps I will learn to learn something from them. That I didn't know.
Right. And honestly, we cannot learn without humility. Unless we humble ourselves, we're not going
to learn. So I welcome disagreement, but it should be in an environment where it is a fruitful
discussion. So that is my that is my, my take on this issue. I want to know what what what you all
think about this? Do you find yourselves arguing with people online?
		

			And do you find or have you ever been in a situation where you felt hurt by what someone said, you
know, for me, being a public figure being online.
		

			I don't take things personally. But I know I've spoken to people who, on their private social media,
like their friend or family member may say something. And they may get hurt because of what someone
said, you know, and it wasn't in as many situations there's, it could be that the person didn't mean
it in that way. It was misunderstood. Or it could be that a person was joking. But you know, that
joke wasn't, it wasn't really an appropriate joke. And they didn't really mean anything by it. But
because of that impersonal, disconnected feel online, they said something. And and, you know, they
didn't mean to hurt us, but it was said in a hurtful way. And so, people experienced that all the
		

			time, I can step back and say, You know what? I'm not you know, people can say mean things to me
online, and Hamdulillah. You know, I don't I try my best not to take it personally. Because I know,
it's the online world, people have a lot of life experiences. People come from different backgrounds
and life experiences. I don't take things personally. And with my family members and family and
friends. I don't talk to them online, to be honest. I'll talk to them in person, right? I know. And
I try my best even Subhanallah even over text messaging, I try to avoid it as much as I can. Because
I know it's not you know, I know it's not the best way to have a discussion with someone.
		

			The sister Sssa I know the sister was here before I forget your name because not on your your, your,
your screen name said. Sometimes people say things to hurt and cut down often stay away from those
vibes. Yeah, and some people as I said, that's an excellent comment. Because some people their
entertainment comes from trolling others their entertainment comes from getting a rise sister solder
or Sarah however you pronounce it. But as the sister said, you know, I agree some people for some
people, that's just their form of entertainment. You know, there's different reasons why people get
online, and they spend time online one of it for some people, may Allah protect us is that some
		

			people find enjoyment in that arguing and debating or, you know, making jokes about people and so we
don't want to respond to that. And honestly, I try to, you know, in my personal life, I try to cut
those people out. Like if people like that are added a lot of negativity, you know, I will obviously
talk them to look, I don't appreciate this. But if that's all they do, you know, they make fun of
you or they put you down and that's that's all they do, then, you know, that's not a good
environment. To to, to be in.
		

			For has said, I usually find it extremely difficult to understand what emojis mean. So I try not to
use messaging as much as possible. You know, I can relate to that. A lot. Even emojis. That's such
an excellent comment. Emojis can mean different things to different people. There's this one emoji.
Let's try and see if I can find it right now. I'm gonna put it in the chat.
		

			If I can find it. I know YouTube emojis are a little different. Okay, I can't find it. I'm not
gonna, I'm not gonna put in the chat. Anyhow, there's one emoji, which is it shows the teeth, right?
And
		

			that can be interpreted in two ways. So either it can seem like a like a, like a person is smiling.
You know, they're like smiling a lot. You know, like a big smile. Or it can be like a it can be some
people call the the cringe emoji, right? That one email image. I can love that. Boy, that's so
that's the that some people take as like that. Oh, like that's the cringe emoji like, like, why did
you say that? Right? So exactly Lakota people have posted that it can be interpreted in different
ways. Even that the hands y'all know about the hands, right? They can be prayer hands. Some people
take it as prayer. Some people take it as I'm sorry, hands. Some people
		

			Well, I don't know he has a different interpretation. So even
		

			even something like an emoji can be, can be Subhanallah misinterpreted. So excellent, excellent
point.
		

			monniera said, I feel that there can be a lot of gaslighting. Absolutely, absolutely. Especially
online it makes those things easier Subhan Allah that that gaslighting, you know things like that
can can take place absolutely.
		

			Moto, I said, Do you leave the comments section open on your videos? Is there a way to block all the
comments? So generally, I leave the comments open. So my default is, I leave the comments open all
my social media unless it's going south like it's going bad. Or some people get abusive, or some
people or sometimes people are not abusive towards me, they're abusive towards other commenters. And
so if I see that happening, or one of my admin see sees that happening, I tell my admins, like turn
off comments on this particular video or this particular Instagram post or Facebook posts because we
don't want that. I don't want that on my page. So that by default, it's open. Because generally, I
		

			found had the law so far, my experience is that the positive habit into the positive outweighs the
negative. So I find most people on my social media at least, to be more positive than the negative.
So for the most part, I leave the comments open, like
		

			let's see, how do you cut family members? That's more difficult if I'm in if an individual chases
you with messages trying to get a rise out of you. Yeah. Sister nausea. Yeah, that you're right.
with family members, it is difficult, and it becomes more complicated. And it depends on what type
of relationship we have with the person. Also, they're closer family members and family members who
are not so close. So even that can can make a difference.
		

			You know, as much as possible, we need to try and maintain our family ties. Right. But that doesn't
mean and I want to be very clear here that that it does not mean that we allow family members to
abuse us. So family members are harming us. Our Deen doesn't tell us that you stay in that situation
of abuse, right? That we allow the abuse to take place, even if they're a family member, if they are
harming us, if they're abusing us, then we want to get ourselves out of that situation. So that
needs to be very, very clear that yes, in Islam, we want to keep our family ties even with those
people who don't keep ties with us, right. So there are people who may not reach out to us, we want
		

			to reach out to them. But we don't allow ourselves to take abuse. And that needs to be very, very
clear and something we need to teach our children as well. That if someone is harming us if someone
is harming you or being abusive, that we don't even if there are family members, Pamela, we don't we
don't we don't say you know, there are family members. So we just take that abuse. May Allah protect
us. When will the next open q&a session be?
		

			What will be next? So I don't know a next week topic. Next week's topic is yet SubhanAllah. I
usually try to come up with these topics just a few days before. If you have any suggestions for
next week's topic, let me know in the comments right now. Perhaps you can decide next week. Next
week's topic right now in sha Allah,
		

			we need to protect our mental health. Absolutely, I agree. And this is something that gets neglected
a lot. Spending especially depending on you know, what culture someone comes from in certain
cultures. Mental health is completely overlooked. Right? So so that is something that we do and
under law, there's more awareness now regarding this, this issue
		

			that we do we do Subhanallah we do give it more importance now but still, it needs a lot more
attention in my talks in my lectures. I do try to bring attention to the issue of mental health and
I do have a background in psychology and in Shall I do plan on continuing my studies in psychology
as well as Allah but this is something that I feel needs to be addressed. Today 100 Women Women in
work is that a topic suggestion sister, Sara or SATA?
		

			So that's an interesting topics panel, I want to hear your review of the T 20. World Cup.
		

			About a lot my review of the D 20. World Cup is I am happy and sad. And this is no this is not a
surprise to anyone but obviously I was rooting for Pakistan. My parents are Pakistani, you know
originally so definitely my heart is with the Pakistani team. I'm very happy. I was happy to watch
the Pakistani team. I'm happy to see that they did well. They gave us a lot of joy but I'm also sad
that they didn't win. But that's the nature of the game people win and people lose
		

			that's my review of the team and in the final I was rooting for New Zealand
		

			but New Zealand lost as well that Allah okay, what can we do?
		

			This not so suggestion for next week topic? Anything related to upbringing children, that's a good
suggestion, actually. So let me that's actually a very good
		

			suggestion, maybe a topic dealing with children? If you're interested in that particular topic, do
let me know. Because I do. There's a lot to be to be talked about when it comes to raising children.
So that's a, that's a, that's a good, that's a good topic. How to set boundaries with family. That's
a good topic as well. So, so I guess there's a lot of interest in, you know, family, relationships
and children. So I'll look into a topic like that, as well. How do you approach the older generation
to seek mental health healing? That is a heavy topic, perhaps we can discuss something like that. So
I get the general vibe.
		

			Yeah, I get the general vibe. So we'll try to gear I'll try to gear next week's topic to something
like that. Inshallah. So usually in these in these live sessions, I like to share my approach, and
then I like to hear from from you as well. And please share this with others as well let other
people know who could who would you think would benefit from these live sessions? Let them know that
we have a live session every Sunday. Right? So the more people we have joining in, the more people
you share this with the better sister and I said, How do you find a spouse? That is a good question
I've had a lot that is also something that we can discuss online.
		

			There's a lot of issues related to relationships, and especially in this environment, and I know
there's a lot of pressure when it comes to being on social media.
		

			I know that's, that's, that's a big that's a big topic. So perhaps that's also a good topic, right?
How do we deal with looking for a spouse and being online and all of that that is definitely a
		

			a an applicable and relevant topic and how does that go? Okay.
		

			Sister Mooney at all. What Yeah, I mean to your dog, what y'all come the same to all of you, Zack
Hola. Hi to everyone who is here today.
		

			Hamdulillah I enjoy these live sessions I can be a little bit laid back and we can discuss these
issues. So thank you for being here. And like I said, Please, please, please spread the word. So I
usually send the link out on my social media on Twitter on Instagram On Facebook ahead of time and
the link stays the same for the live sessions so you can share the link and make sure you are
subscribed to my YouTube channel so you get the notifications and it's good I enjoyed being here.
100 So thank you all very much for being here and contributing as well in sha Allah I will see you
next week. If not earlier we'll see but at least next Sunday. Exactly. Okay. Take care and Allah has
		

			penalty auto knows best Subhana Allah Houma will be handing a shadow in in and a still Furukawa to
Blue Lake wa Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh