Saad Tasleem – When you try to QUIT Social Media
AI: Summary ©
The negative impacts of social media and cell phones on personal and mental health are discussed. The segment highlights the negative impact on emotions and relationships, including negative psychological health and the misconceptions of the Islamic culture. The importance of regular engagement and in-person engagement for overall mental health is emphasized, along with the potential benefits of technology companies helping people improve their relationships with loved ones. The segment also touches on the shift towards in-person relationships and how it can benefit everyone.
AI: Summary ©
My dear brothers and sisters, as we live
in this modern world, our society and our
culture has had to adapt with certain modern
day realities.
One of the realities of the modern day
that we are living in today is our
cell phones, is social media, is the internet.
And so we're beginning now to learn about
the effects of social media.
We're learning about the effects of having a
device on us almost at all times.
And the bad news is what we're learning
so far, and we're still actually early on
in the stages of learning about the real
effects of the internet and social media and
cell phones, but so far what we're learning
is not good.
What we're learning is that we are developing
an addiction to our devices.
So a recent study that came out said
that the average person accesses their phone about
52 times a day.
And you may think to yourself, well, what's
the problem?
Why is it a big deal?
Okay, I look at my phone a lot
and I access my phone a lot.
Why is that a problem?
Well, as I said, the studies that we
are seeing now are telling us that our
phones and social media are affecting our lives
in negative ways, and I could say deeply
negative ways.
Whether it be our emotional and mental health,
what we're finding is that social media and
phones has a negative impact on it.
Our emotional well-being are able to even
regulate our emotions.
Social media and phones and these devices are
having a negative impact on it.
Whether it comes to our relationships, we're seeing
that social media is having a negative impact
on it, whether it be our relationship with
our spouses or our children or even our
communities.
And one of the big problems of social
media can be summed up in two categories.
There's comparison and fantasy.
So what social media, the way it's created
and the way it is set up, we're
constantly comparing ourselves to others.
So when it comes to our own selves,
our own well-being, our own emotional and
mental health, we're comparing ourselves to what we
see online.
And so when we compare ourselves to others,
we naturally feel bad about ourselves.
Our body image, how we feel about the
way we look, how we feel about our
bodies and our physical self, we compare ourselves
to others.
And there's many studies being done on this,
but the more time people spend online, the
more they look at other people, the worse
they feel about themselves.
And likewise, relationships.
You have husbands who will compare their wives
to the women that they see online or
women who compare their husbands to the men
that they see online.
And the problem with that is the second
category of fantasy.
What we see online is not real life.
These are filtered images.
These are images that have been very carefully
chosen.
That's why social media influencers, they're not going
to take a picture and just post it
online.
It's usually dozens and dozens and dozens of
photos that are taken, and the best angle
is picked, the best lighting.
And then there is the editing that takes
place, and all of that is...
the result of that is posted online.
And so when we compare our loved one
to something that we see online, it's comparison,
but we're comparing our loved one to a
fantasy.
And even parents, they'll compare, and this is
human nature, we compare our children to the
children that we see online.
And we're not talking about looks here, even
though that can be a part of it.
Oftentimes, in certain cultures, they'll compare their children
to other families' children.
The son of so-and-so got into
this university or this college.
The son of so-and-so has accomplished
this.
The daughter of so-and-so has accomplished
this.
And now we are having a negative impact
on the psychological and emotional well-being of
our own children because we're constantly comparing them
to others.
And then probably the worst problem of social
media and the internet is how it is
affecting our spirituality, how it is affecting our
relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Because you would think that in this modern
day, in this modern age, when we have
lectures being delivered online, and we have videos,
and there's no shortage of access to Islamic
knowledge, that of course we must be getting
better.
Our deen must be improving.
We're certainly becoming better Muslims.
But the reality is the opposite.
We find young Muslims today are feeling more
and more distant from the deen of Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And one of the reasons is an overload
of information.
That you can go online right now and
google anything and find a lecture about anything.
So it feels very overwhelming.
In our history, in Islamic history, the way
Islam was taught, it was taught in a
very systematic way.
You begin with the basics, you begin the
foundations, and you build upon that.
And you create young men and women with
strong foundations.
And someone with a strong foundation means they
can weather any storm.
But when a person is learning haphazardly, they
don't have a strong foundation.
And that means that when the newest problem
occurs, it can shake their faith.
And also there's that disconnect with our spirituality,
where our access to Islamic knowledge has almost
become a form of entertainment.
And that is what we find online with
the plethora of videos and whatnot, that it
is almost treated as a form of entertainment.
That's why if you look at the videos,
they get the most views.
It's not a video that is going to
break down a classical text, or is deep
in tafsir, or an explanation of hadith of
the Prophet ﷺ.
It is usually the videos that are addressing
the latest controversy, the latest issue.
So-and-so said this, and so-and
-so did that, or this Muslim personality did
this.
And then there's that reaction video.
And I know the younger people here know
exactly what I'm talking about.
Those videos get a lot of views.
This is my reaction to what happened, or
the reaction of the statement of so-and
-so.
And then there's the reaction to the reaction.
And then there's the reaction to the reaction
to the reaction.
And you look at that, and you think,
why do they keep making these videos?
At the third level of a reaction, you
got to think, this has got to be
pointless.
But they keep making those videos, because people
keep watching those videos.
Because they're the ones that get the most
engagement.
They're the ones that get the most views.
And that's why that's happening.
That's what keeps happening.
And so now our Islamic learning, the shaitan
has deceived us into thinking that we are
learning our deen, when what we're doing is
we're actually becoming distant from Allah.
Because we're not talking about our deen, we're
talking about people and personalities.
We're talking about controversies and this issue and
that issue.
But when it comes to our real-life
application of our deen, that is not to
be found.
And this is in antithesis to the very
nature of how our deen was delivered to
us.
Our deen has always been, from the very
beginning, a very personal tradition.
Knowledge has been passed from person to person
on an individual level, on a, rather I
should say, on a personal level.
We find the hadith of Umar radiallahu anhu,
which is I believe the second hadith of
Imam An-Nawawi's 40 hadith, which Umar radiallahu
anhu tells us of the time that the
angel Jibreel came to visit the Prophet salallahu
alaihi wasalam.
And the meaning of this hadith, Umar radiallahu
anhu tells us that a man came who
he did not recognize.
And he had no signs of travel on
him.
He said his clothes were completely white and
his hair was completely black.
And what that means is that if somebody
was traveling, because there's two possibilities, if you
don't, either you know this person or you
don't.
If you know this person, fine, they're a
local, you know them.
But if you don't know them, they must
have traveled from somewhere.
They didn't just teleport into Medina.
They didn't just show up.
So they must have traveled.
But Umar radiallahu anhu, he's saying it's weird,
the meaning of his narration, is that it's
odd because he has to be a traveler,
because we don't recognize him, but there's no
signs of travel on it.
So his clothes are completely white.
If someone was traveling in that time, they'd
be covered in dust.
Their hair would be covered in dust.
But there's no signs of that.
And Umar radiallahu anhu says this man approached
the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam.
He sat right in front of the Prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasalam.
He said, he put his knees against the
knees of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam.
That's a very close, intimate position to be
in.
He put his hands on the thighs of
the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam and he said,
O Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam, tell me about
Islam.
And the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam explained to
him the five pillars of Islam.
And the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam gave him
the articles of faith, of Iman.
He said, tell me about Ihsan.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam explained to him
what Ihsan is.
And then he said, tell me about the
day of judgment, the signs of the day
of judgment, and so on and so forth.
At the end of this narration, Umar radiallahu
anhu says the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam asked
me, do you know who that man was?
And Umar radiallahu anhu says, he says Allah
and his messenger know best.
And he says, That was Jibreel who came
to teach you your religion.
This is how the tradition began.
We know the angel Jibreel came.
The very first revelation came to the Prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasalam in the cave.
That is how our tradition began.
And so when we begin to move away
from that tradition, when we're when we're when
we, yes, accessing knowledge online is easy.
And there's benefit there.
Of course, there's benefit.
But if it is replacing this personal connection,
then it becomes problematic.
And that is why you are all gathered
here.
Because inshallah, you have this understanding that as
a male Muslim is a requirement for you
to go pray Juma in person.
And I'm telling you, people could find a
way out of that.
They probably would.
Right.
But Allah has now this is a requirement
for us.
So now we have to be here.
And this means that at least once a
week for 20 or 30 or 40 minutes,
now you are forced to be in the
presence of your brothers and sisters to build
your brotherhood and your sisterhood to learn deen
hopefully inshallah in a personal way.
So when I say social media is becoming
problematic, there's so many ways, but probably the
most dangerous way is our deen, is our
spirituality.
And I want to talk to you a
little bit about this social media addiction.
Because oftentimes, when you when you say to
someone, listen, you're addicted to whatever it may
be, they'll reply with, I don't have an
addiction.
When a person isn't denial, they'll say, I'm
not addicted.
And I would say the vast majority of
us, we don't really feel like we're addicted
to social media or the internet or our
phones.
But the very easy way to test that
is if you're not addicted, then leave it,
put it aside.
But what happens?
What happens when we put aside our phones?
And there have been studies that have been
done on this.
I'll tell you what happens.
In the first few hours of putting your
phone aside, let's say you listen to the
Jumma Khutba today, you're inspired to put your
phone aside and say, you know what, I'm
going to take a break from my phone.
Let me tell you what's going to happen.
Within the first few hours, you're going to
start to feel very anxious.
You're going to feel like there's something wrong.
Now, why does that happen?
Well, that happens because the way we access
our phones, every time we look at our
phone, whether it be a message notification or
social media or TikTok or Facebook, Instagram, whatever
it may be, or WhatsApp, because I know
the older generation says, we're not on social
media.
I'm not on TikTok.
But you're still, you're on WhatsApp.
It's the same stuff, by the way.
People think that if I'm not on TikTok
or I'm not on Instagram, I'm safe.
It's the same videos that start at TikTok,
then they go to Instagram, and then they
go to Facebook, and then eventually they end
up in the uncles and aunties and the
uncles, and it ends up in their WhatsApp.
It's all the same stuff.
So a person says, I'm going to leave
that.
But when we access that, there's a hit
of dopamine in our brain.
That is what they call the pleasure chemical.
It signals to our brain that this is
a pleasurable experience.
And what that, you know, the release of
dopamine, and dopamine is released when we enjoy
any experience.
That's why there's a release of dopamine when
it comes to food and so on and
so forth, a pleasurable experience.
And so when we access our phone, this
is a pleasurable experience.
It signals to our brain that this is
something pleasurable, but that also means that we
want more and more of it.
So as we're not getting those hits of
dopamine, what happens is that we start to
feel anxious.
We start to feel anxiety.
It is a problematic situation for us.
This is why it is very hard to
put the phone down.
This is why you can be doing another
activity, which is really fun, but still you
might pull out your phone.
Have you ever been watching TV, which you
would think is equally as exciting and fun
as being on your phone?
And you're watching TV and you still pull
out your phone.
You don't know why, but you still pull
it out.
This is also the reason why some of
us will come to Juma'ah and we
have a hard time putting our phones down,
right?
The Imam has given me a khutbah and
like our phones are on and I get
the irony of someone's phone going off right
now, but we have a hard time putting
our phones down.
Why?
It's not because you're a bad Muslim or
you're a bad person or you don't value
the khutbah.
It's because this is how we have been
conditioned and the khutbah is supposed to be
a time of ibadah.
We normally pray the Zuhr prayer at this
time of the day, four rak'ahs.
Allah has replaced Zuhr with Salatul Juma'ah,
but Juma'ah is two rak'ahs, so
there's a deficit of two rak'ahs.
How our scholars say that deficit is made
up by the khutbah, meaning the Juma'ah
prayer is not just the prayer, the Salah.
SubhanAllah, I was coming in here for the
1.30 Salah and I saw people running
towards the Casey Center.
I'm like, where are they going?
Like Juma'ah is at 1.30 and
I realized they're trying to catch the tail
end.
No judgment, right?
Allah knows they maybe had work or an
emergency, but the point is sometimes we don't
understand how important the khutbah itself is to
our spirituality and this is why I say
how social media is affecting our spirituality, that's
just one of the ways.
The khutbah is so important that we're not
even supposed to move too much during the
Juma'ah khutbah.
We're not even supposed, even if somebody's doing
something wrong, we have to be very careful
before we tell them not to do something
which is wrong.
In a hadith mentioned by Sahih Bukhari and
Sahih Muslim, the Prophet warned us, he said,
If you say to your friend or to
your partner, somebody sitting next to you, while
the imam is giving the khutbah, pay attention.
Now pause, you would think that's a good
thing, right?
Someone's not paying attention, someone's on their phone,
you tell them, listen man, you gotta pay
attention.
The Prophet said, You have engaged in idle
speech.
I mean, this is something you're doing from
your end.
You're telling someone to stop something bad, right?
They're not paying attention or they're whatever they're
doing, the khutbah, you want to correct them.
But even this act of correcting, because this
is supposed to be a spiritual time, the
Prophet said, no, that is idle talk.
There's no room for that during the Juma
'ah khutbah.
That is how important the Juma'ah khutbah
is.
This is a time for us to really
take a break.
And I know sometimes people say, the khutbahs
are boring.
The khutbahs are too long.
I get that.
I can relate to that very much.
But once again, not all of our ibadah
is going to be a fun, great time.
Ibadah is supposed to help us control our
nafs.
It is supposed to help conquer our nafs,
conquer our base desires.
So what is it if we're giving up
30 minutes or 40 minutes out of the
week to be in a situation where we're
not entertained, where we're not excited.
But that's what happens in the first few
hours, 24 hours after quitting.
Let's say you've made it past a few
hours and you're now 24 hours into not
looking at your cell phone.
After 24 hours, you begin to experience what
people call FOMO, which is the fear of
missing out.
So now the anxiety is different now.
The anxiety is, I wonder what's happening out
there and I need to know.
And now we can't help but get back
to it in one way or the other.
And this, my brothers and sisters, this is
not an accident.
This is by design.
The tech companies that have designed your phones,
that have designed these apps, they have designed
them for you to feel FOMO, for you
to feel the fear of missing out.
Because the idea is that they want your
eyeballs engaged on the phone at all times.
Because the reality is the commodity, one of
the most valuable commodities we have today is
not money, is not property.
It is your identity.
It is your data.
It is your attention.
It's called the attention economy.
So it's not by chance that all these
apps that we use are free.
And as they say, nothing is free in
this world.
So if you're not paying for something, and
there's an adage, if you're not paying for
something, then realize that you are the product.
What they want is you.
Why is Instagram free?
Why is Facebook?
You think it's out of the goodness of
the heart of these tech companies that these
apps are free?
No, it's free because you give them your
data.
Every time you scroll and the things you
click on and things you view, that's data
that you're sharing with them.
And that is how these apps have been
designed.
Three days after quitting, let's say you made
it past 24 hours.
Three days after quitting, you begin to experience
what they call phantom phone.
And that is where you begin to imagine
that your phone is on you.
So even though your phone can be in
the other room, you may think your phone
is with you.
And you may have actually already experienced this.
Sometimes you think your phone's vibrating.
You think there's a message you put out.
You're like, oh, no, it's nothing.
That's what's called phantom phone.
But what we also begin to see, that
after three days, our in-person interactions begin
to regain their value to us.
And so we begin to find in-person
engagement to be more fulfilling.
Because when we're addicted to our phones, we're
on our phones all the time.
We know this.
And we've been in that situation, at least
I can speak for myself, where you're talking
to someone, it could be a fairly interesting
person.
But what's on the phone is vastly more
interesting, because there's a whole world out there
on the phone.
You don't have to talk to one person,
you can talk to thousands and millions of
people.
You can find out about the lives of
millions of people.
So that seems way more interesting.
But within three days, you begin to value,
we begin to value the people in our
lives.
And I'm especially speaking here to the parents.
I understand that our lives are busy.
And sometimes when we have work, the stress
of work, and everything else going on, and
our child needs our attention, it's easy to
hand them a device.
I've been guilty of that myself.
But we really have to think about the
next generation.
What is the terabia?
What is the education that we're giving to
this next generation?
We're replacing real-life interactions with these devices.
And I don't have time to get into
the studies that have been done on how
it affects child development, especially at an early
age, access to the screens, how it affects
the development of the brain, and how it
affects their attention span, and the spread of
ADHD, and all that kind of stuff.
It's because of these devices.
But after a few days, we begin to
cherish these in-person relationships.
After five days, after a week, what they
have found is that our own attention span
begins to increase.
We find that people find actually improvement in
their mental health.
What they find is that they find improvement
in their, if somebody was suffering from anxiety
or depression, there's an improvement in that.
What they find is that even in their
motivation, that they find themselves more motivated to
accomplish the tasks that they want to accomplish
in life.
Brothers and sisters, the point of all this
is that this is an inflection point for
us right now in our lives.
We have to decide right now how much
of our lives are going to be glued
to the phone and the internet, versus are
we going to regain and take hold of
our relationships, whether it be our actual relationships,
our family members, and extended family, and so
on, and also our relationship with Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
أقول قولي هذا استغفر الله لي ولكم فاستغفره
إنه والغفور الرحيم الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة
والسلام على أشرف الأنبياء والمرسلين نبينا وسيدنا وحبيبنا
محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين Now, the first
khutbah, all bad news, I understand, and some
of you may be feeling kind of down
right now, right?
Like my whole life is on my phone,
what am I supposed to do now?
And look, I wish I could convince all
of us, myself included, to just put the
phone away for the rest of our lives,
we would be much better off in our
dunya and our akhira as well, but that's
not the world that we're living in today,
right?
Even this video right now, it's being recorded
on a phone, and I normally give this
khutbah with my phone in my hand, but
today my phone is being used, so I
have some papers in my hand, but normally
people are like, oh that's grand of you
to talk about not being on the phone,
and you're holding a phone and delivering the
khutbah.
Well, that's the reality of the world that
we're living in, so we cannot look at
this issue as an all or nothing issue,
that either you completely get rid of your
phone and go live off the grid and
you find a mountain or a cave or
somewhere, you go live there, or you completely
give in.
There has to be a way for us
to manage our relationship with social media and
our phones, and we do this in our
lives in many other ways.
When it comes to entertainment, when it comes
to other desires of ours, we manage it.
If we were to eat everything we like
to eat at all times, we would very
quickly lose our health.
If we were to only engage in those
activities that are fun for us at all
time, we would very easily quickly lose control
of our lives.
So likewise with our phones, we need to
at least start thinking about taking breaks.
At the very least, just as we fast
from other things, we need to start fasting
from our phone.
Perhaps there are some times of your day
where you can say, you know what, I'm
just going to put the phone aside.
Perhaps if you're a parent and you're in
a family, you can say, look, there's got
to be some time in my life where
there's just family time.
Or perhaps Juma, maybe hopefully you're inspired by
this khutbah, by the will of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
So today maybe you say, you know what,
Fridays are a day.
It's supposed to be a day full of
barakah, of blessings.
It's a mubarak day.
It's a minor Eid for us as believers.
So perhaps on Friday, I will take one
hour out of my day and put my
phone away, just for one hour.
But these are changes inshallah that we can
make to help us improve, as I said,
not only our relationships in the dunya, but
our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.