Saad Tasleem – Online Safety for Children

			As well Al hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Rasulillah. While only he will be here, I'm on whether
it's and I'm welcome again to everyone. And if you're joining later said, I'm already going to
deliver cancer to you as well. So this is actually a very serious and heavy topic, not just because
of the repercussions of you know, what it means to not not be safe online. But also because of the
fear and exam and anxiety that a lot of parents feel in this modern world, and specifically, when it
comes to social media and the internet, because it is something which is relatively new, you know, a
lot of parents have not grown up with social media, they haven't grown up with the Internet. And it
		

			is something that came, you know, possibly later on in their lives. And so it is unfamiliar, and the
unfamiliar, has a tendency to be scary, the unknown is scary, it's one of the things that, you know,
we don't know, something it can, it can be frightening, and especially now, you know, we may not
know and understand it well enough. And then we're seeing now the repercussions of it. And
subhanAllah, you know, the studies that have been done when it comes to the internet and social
media. First of all, we don't have a lot of information because the internet is not that old. So we
don't have long term studies on the, on the true effects of the internet and social media on our on
		

			our lives. That's, that's number two. But number one, number two, is that the studies that have been
done are quite frightening. We are now learning the negative impact that social social media has and
the Internet has in pretty much all aspects of our lives all the way from our relationships, whether
it be a spousal relationship, whether it be our relationship with our kids, whether it be our
communal relationships, whatever, to our own well being and well being all the way from I mean, for
us as Muslims, our spiritual well being impact that that social media has on our spiritual well
being, honestly, that is a whole topic on its own, and deserves time and inshallah if we have time,
		

			perhaps in another session, we can get into really the the spiritual impact or the impact of social
media and the internet, on our spirituality on our spiritual health. But the spiritual health, and
then you have your emotional health, your psychological health, we are now seeing how the internet
and social media is impacting people's mental health, when it comes to, you know, their self esteem
when it comes to issues like depression, just a wide range of issues we're now seeing, and the
picture does not honestly, the picture doesn't look good. And it you know, as I said, you know,
there's there's just so much going on, and it just feels like, it feels like we're a step behind.
		

			And I know Subhanallah
		

			I know, every generation feels like they're a step behind. I know, my parents, and you know, the
previous generation, they felt like, you know, and I think this is indicative of every generation,
like every generation feels like, Oh, this is a foreign world that we're living in right now.
Because technology does evolve and change quite rapidly. And you know, that's just the nature of
life. And so, I don't think that should be something that we are, you know, that just brings us down
because this is this isn't this isn't this is normal, this is natural, that we're going to feel like
our kids are ahead of us, right. And our parents, I've heard that generation complain about how, you
		

			know, technology just ran away from them, like they tried to keep up, they tried to, you know, catch
up to it, for the sake of their kids. But it just evolved so fast that it just run away from them.
And I know, we, my generation and I'm a parent myself, just to give you context about where I'm
coming from, I have two children, I have a seven year old, and a three year old who's about to be
four. So you know, you say like a seven year old.
		

			And, and, and a four year old. And so for me, like it's my children are born into this world that
we're living in. So, as a parent, you know, once again, we may we may have that, that feeling and I
totally completely, I can not just sympathize, but I can empathize with how parents feel. Even
though I think I'm like, I'm pretty, I'm pretty young, I'm pretty hip or whatever. Even though I'm a
lot older than I look, you know, people always refer to me as like the young, you know, speaker or
whatever I'm like, if you knew my age, you know, I'm a lot older than then people's perception, but
whatever, that's a that's a that's a side point. But having kids of my own and not only having kids
		

			of my own, but you know, I would say added to that is the issue of I speak to a lot of parents, and
I speak to kids and I know that parents had there is a lot of fear, there is a lot of anxiety when
it comes to the world that we're living in and I you know, I just want to say that, you know, when
we break this down and one of my goals inshallah to Allah is to relieve us of some of this fear and
this anxiety and not to say that it's easy or that you know, I'm gonna give you the solution.
		

			In all your problems today, that's not going to happen. I don't have all the answers. But perhaps we
can get this discussion started. Perhaps this is the beginning of our education, when it comes to an
issue like this. So let me get right into some of the main online problems. And the main threats.
And this is I'm sure this, these are matters that you've come across, but just to contextualize our
discussion today, three main threats or three main problems when it comes to children. And being
online being on the on the internet. Number one, is what is known as cyber bullying, right. And I'm
sure some of you're familiar with this. But cyber bullying is any type of aggressive or threatening
		

			or mean spirited activity that
		

			happens online that is aimed at a particular individual. And this can be it can be, you know, it can
be messages, it can be social media, it can be email, it can basically electronic communication,
where a person is basically being bullied. So instead of a person actually being bullied, like face
to face, it is happening online. And what we find now and you know, what some of the, some of the
stats are telling us now, some of the figures that we have is that almost 1/3 of children between
the ages of 12 and 17, have been cyber bullied in their life. So that's, you know, a third, like
36%, almost a third of children have experienced themselves experienced some type of cyber bullying.
		

			And then what's interesting is, you know, and you have to keep in mind, a lot of these studies that
are done, they're, they're survey based, and they're they're reliant on the information that people
give up, right. So this is what people are willing to admit to. So it's not completely
representative of the of the facts, but it just gives us an idea that 15% of children have, or of
that age, have admitted to cyber bullying someone else, you know, online, generally, girls are more
of a target than boys, but boys tend to be that bullies more than girls, right? So when it comes to,
you know, receiving the bullying, and cyber bullying, it is generally girls who've received more,
		

			but when it comes to those who are bullies, more boys have admitted to being bullies than, than
girls. So that's number one cyberbullying, so we're talking about, we want to protect our children,
we want protect them online. One, one of the things that we need to be conscious of aware of and
start coming up with solutions is cyber, cyber bullying. Number two, is online predators, and
basically an online predator is, is an adult or grown up, who uses the Internet to learn or entice
children, to exploit them, you know, to for abuse, and so on and so forth. And this is something
that I think, you know, we get so caught up in the third one that I'm going to mention, especially
		

			in the Muslim community that this often gets left out, we sometimes don't think about this, because
from the Muslim perspective, you know, from the from the faith based community perspective, we tend
to think of, oh, I don't want my children looking at haram stuff online. And, and, and we may lose
sight of, you know, the first two issues that I've mentioned right now, number one, cyber bullying,
right. And, you know, it starts with our attitude towards bullying in general. And, you know, some
families, some households, bullying is not even a not even a discussion that takes place, because
there's this attitude of, hey, if someone's being mean to you just just suck it up, right? Or, like,
		

			usually, you got to be stronger than that, you know, sticks and stones right? Sticks and stones can
can break my bones, but words can't hurt me. And we know now that's not true. People's lives are
seriously impacted by verbal abuse. And online abuse is a big, big part of that. And then online
predators, and especially, I would say in the Muslim community, my impression isn't and Allah knows
best. I have not come across any official study. But my I would say, impression, I would say
anecdotal impression is that this almost does not get get talked about in the community at all. And
I think it's because it's an uncomfortable discussion. It's an uncomfortable topic, especially like
		

			sexual abuse, and so on and so forth. We just, we don't want to talk about it. But not talking about
this problem doesn't mean the problem will disappear. And this is why you know, a first step in
addressing a problem is admitting that we have a problem, right? And definitely this this, this is a
problem. Cyber bullying, cyber bullying and also online predators, and just predators in general,
this is definitely a problem. So the some some some numbers for you. Children can be it can start
someone being a victim to it to an online predator can start at a very, very young age. And there's
no bottom actually age to this right. It's a one to three years old, like Consort is very, very
		

			really just, it can literally start as early as someone accesses accesses the internet. So depending
on what age a child accesses the internet, right, and some parents will give their children, their
one year old, and they're handed an iPad or whatever, and I'm not assigning blame or shaming anyone
here, I'm just stating what happens, right? So I'm not I'm not shaming anyone here, I'm just saying
that's, that's the reality. So one two years old, apparently hand their child, you know, a device
that is connected to the internet. So they become susceptible now to an online pattern at that very
young age, all the way up to 17 years old. Generally, just like with cyber bullying, girls make up
		

			the majority of child victims. And actually, you know, it's like 78%, it's a very high percentage,
that is girls rather than than boys. On the other hand, online predators tend to be male. So around
80% of the predators themselves are male. And you know, it's hard to put a number on how many
children have actually been victims, but it's, it's they say, it's a very high percentage of
children have come across some type of a predator in some way. Because of, you know, just how vast
the internet is, is how many ways an a, an online predator can have access to our children. It's
just, it's hard to really keep track of that. So number one, cyberbullying, number two online
		

			predators, and number three, is what a lot of Muslim parents tend to focus on. And that is basically
the Haram stuff. Right? So exposure to inappropriate stuff, inappropriate content. And this can, you
know, this is this is something which, you know, yes, it is the most common one. But as I said, it's
not the only one. But yeah, it is the most common because, once again, accessing the internet is so
very easy. And this is, you know, inappropriate content can be, it can be language, you know, it can
be foul language, or hate speech, or, you know, even bullying can come under this, or it can be
images and videos, and so on, so forth, that, you know, graphic images, or violent images, and so
		

			on, and so forth. All of that comes under this third category of inappropriate universally
inappropriate content. Over 55% of kids in the early teens have been exposed to this type of
content. On the internet, once again, take these numbers, they're not exact numbers, because once
again, it's hard to tell exactly how much how much like how often or how much this happens. But this
just gives you like an idea, ballpark.
		

			And nearly 60%, have come across some type of sexually explicit words or images on the internet. So
these are the three main areas of danger when it comes to, you know, our kids being online. And even
as I'm saying this, once again, I want to go back to the issue of, of anxiety. And so you know,
there's a lot of fear, there's a lot of anxiety, we're worried. But before we get into some of what
we should be doing, I just want to remind everyone, and this is general advice for parenting. And it
is also specific to what we're talking about today, we have to remember that we can only do so much
that and we have to remember that in the end of the day. It is Allah who is penalized to Allah, Who
		

			is in charge. So as a parent, our responsibility is to do our best and leave the result upon Allah
rely upon Allah who's panel at the AI Lab. And that is why our faith becomes so very, very
important. No matter what we do, as parents, we cannot control everything. And yes, some parents
tried to do that. And it often causes more damage than good when they try to control every aspect of
their children's lives. And trust it trust me as someone who has not only been a teenager myself,
but someone who has caught who, who is constantly talking to teenagers are constantly talking to
parents, we're dealing with troubled teenagers, that that approach of trying to control their whole
		

			world is not an effective approach. Right? So that doesn't work. And we're going to talk about some
solutions, right? So how do we what does work or what can work, but definitely just shutting off.
Everything is is is not the is not the solution. So it's the parenting rule, the general parenting
rule of do your best and rely upon Allah applies here as well. In the end of the day, the guidance
of our children is not in our hands, all we can do is point them in the right direction. Make sure
they're educated, make sure they have enough information. But in the end of the day, it is Allah who
has panel data who is in charge, even the prophets or the human salatu salam could not make sure
		

			that their loved ones are guided. And that should, you know, wake us up because even the Prophet
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the best of creation, the best of the prophets. The one who is
closest to Allah could not make someone be guided in Mecca as Allah says, INEC Allah
		

			demon. You can't guide those whom you love mean you cannot force their guidance. Well I can Allah
yeah demon yesha. Rather it is Allah who guides whomever He wills. But the prophets I send them did
do his best. He did provide the knowledge and the information and gave to BIA, but the results are
left to Allah subhanaw taala. We have examples of other prophets as well.
		

			The Prophet alayhi, salam, ala Salam could not make sure his own son was guided, right. And he was a
prophet of Allah subhanaw taala. So that is a little bit of a reality check for us. Right? So once
again, if our answer is, you know, what, if there's bad stuff on the internet, let me just turn off
the internet. That's not a solution. Because maybe Subhanallah, we that we may be able to cut off
our children from the internet for a certain amount of time, right? So when they are younger, right,
maybe you've been there 234.
		

			And I want to stop at four, because at some point, they're going to go to school, at some point,
they're going to be out of your house, and therefore you don't have full control over what they're
doing. Right. So when a child starts kindergarten, when they start first grade, right,
automatically, now there are things that are out of your control, even even in our own household. So
Pamela things are out of our control, if we think about it, because it's not just in us in the
house, could be an older sibling could be cousins, it could be even in our own house, we try to
control everything. If that is our solution, it's not a solution. So it's not going to work. But as
		

			I said, as soon as they go to school, now they're being they're talking to other kids. Maybe you
have said to your kids, no devices, no internet, no nothing. But what about when they're friends,
they're hanging out with their friends, or they're in school with their friends, and let alone
SubhanAllah. Now a lot of schools, they require devices, right?
		

			Where they'll say, you know, your child needs a device, because a lot of schoolwork is done on the
device, like, what do we do then? Right, so what happens at that point. So once again, if that is
our, we really have to understand that that approach is not an effective approach for a certain time
for Cinemark certain amount of time, it may work. But that's not an effective long term strategy. So
if you came today, hoping that I will give you I will tell you how to block everything online. I
don't have that information for you to begin with. I'm not an IT person. So you're you're asking the
wrong person in terms like how do I block these websites? Or how can I block HUD on websites? And
		

			you know, what do I don't know? You know, I asked myself, but if I didn't have that question, I'll
go to an expert, you know, computer expert IT person to say, Okay, how do I block this and that, I
don't have that information. Right. So that's, but that's not why I'm here today, what I'm here to
talk about today is practical ways to guide our kids. And that is really, you know, the key word for
today really is to be right is guidance, upbringing and education. Now, off right off the bat, that
means that we cannot be passive, we cannot. And some this is why sometimes I think simply blocking
and, and, and
		

			forbidding things is the easy way out, because we think we can just turn off the internet, and we
don't have to do anything else. Right. But on the other hand, actually giving our kids to be
educating them, teaching them why this is wrong, why this is right, educating them about the
dangers, educating them about the problems, like why you can't watch this stuff, why you should not
be on this social media app or, or what the problems are, that takes work, it takes effort, it means
that we need to spend time with our kids means that we need to have conversations with our kids. And
that is much harder than just saying, you know, this is how the internet is head on. Like, we cannot
		

			be on the internet, no social media or whatever. And that's it's much more difficult. So So once
again, you know, simply hiding them, not only is it not, it's as I said, it's not a long term
solution from us, if your goal is to keep your kids 100%, sheltered from everything bad, then
remember, you're always going to be a step behind them. As I spoke about earlier, you know, there's
going to come a point where they simply know more than you, right, they're going to know how to
access things that you don't know how to access or you don't know how to block. Right? And once
again, if you don't believe me, talk to your parents, your parents will tell you, technology ran
		

			away from us. Why do we think that we are different? That that we're always going to know how to
block the Haram stuff, right? And we're always gonna have control of our kids, we're gonna know, you
know, oftentimes, parents tell their kids and I'm a parent myself when like, I said this to my
children, too. Right? Like, you think you're really smart, but I'm your dad. Right? And it's true.
In this age. It's true. Like, you know, I can tell if my if my child is not telling me the truth. I
know if he's hiding something from me. I know, by the way, he the way he talks, by the way, you
know, just the inflection in his voice. I know, because I know him. But I also know there's going to
		

			come an age
		

			Where I may not be able to tell, there's gonna come an age where I won't be able to have access to
everything he does, I won't be able to control that I won't be able to control his his time online,
I won't be able to control how he is on the internet. And at that time, the lessons that I taught
him,
		

			and the Tobia that I gave him, and the conversations that we had the heart to heart conversations
that I had, are going to be far more effective. And also what's going to be important is will my
child and this is actually one of the things I was going to mention at the end, but I'll mention it
now. And perhaps we'll repeat it at the end.
		

			What's going to be important at that time is will my child come to me when they face a problem?
Right? So we're talking about cyber bullying, we're talking about online predators, what we want is
that our child comes to us when Something's fishy when something's not normal, when something's
making them uncomfortable, that they're able to come to us if we've told them, hey, everything is
haram, you cannot use it, they, we don't want to put them in a position where they're afraid to talk
to us. And laka done Allah, they're being bullied or LED that Allah may Allah protect us protect our
children, that there is some type of abuse that is taking place. So fear, putting fear, instilling
		

			fear into our children, once again, and I know I sound like a broken record. Now, it's not a good
long term, not long term solution. And as I said, even just cutting them off, it'll work for a
certain amount of time, but it's not going to work forever. So what do we do, we must give them
guidelines. And we must connect them with a higher purpose isn't number one, teach them, give them
guidelines, give them Tobia, and also connect them with a higher purpose. And for us as Muslims,
that means their spirituality should be strong. And we should be trying to strengthen their
spirituality, strengthen their faith. Because even when you're not there, their faith will be there
		

			in the moments where you're not there to check on them. And to make sure they're doing and this
doesn't just apply to social media applies to the rest of the world. It applies to sins, other sins,
that our children will come and I say will not that they that they may come across, they will come
across since there's nowhere and I don't care where you are right now you can be sitting in a
country that is majority Muslim right now, and say we have amazing community, nobody does anything,
haram, whatever. There's no such thing. There's no utopia on Earth today. Doesn't matter where you
live in the world, children will come across things that are wrong and bad. And there they were come
		

			across sinful behavior, and all that kind of it's going to happen. But
		

			spirituality. And faith means that even if we're not there, they know that Allah is there. And they
know that their responsibility is actually not to us as parents, their responsibility is to Allah
who has power with data. So we need to teach them the greatness of Allah rather than our own
greatness, right? Any greatness that we have, we need to teach them it is from Allah who is Panama
to Allah. And that is why the Taqwa of Allah being conscious of Allah, that is what we need to
instill. And once again, that's not an easy answer. That's not an issue of you know what? No, you
just make them the perfect Muslim that that doesn't exist. But once again, it requires effort from
		

			our end. And this is a continual process. So more important than blocking objectionable material
from them, is teaching our kids giving them guidelines giving them Ted via teaching kids safe and
responsible online behavior. And, and along, what comes along with that, at a younger age, is
keeping an eye on what they have access to, once again, not saying it's all haram, but having a
relationship with their online life. And I'm going to talk about this in a little bit, inshallah
data that be part of the process with them. And as I said, our faith and spirituality, second big
component. But as I just mentioned, take the journey with your kids. They're going to be online,
		

			right? And let's just as I said, we need to accept that reality that at some point they're going to
be even if you forbidden it in your household for now, there's going to be a point that they're
going to be online, isn't it better, that we take that journey with them? As so from a young age,
that when they're online, we are online with them, and we sit with them? And if we're going to do
stuff online, we sit with them, and we can walk them through what is good and what is not good? Why
is this not good? Why is this harmful to us? As a side note, subhanAllah I know the big elephant in
the room in this whole discussion today is *. I have a whole lecture I gave on
		

			*. It's actually available online. It's called like the dangers of * or how
* leads to addiction. One of the I give a long I think it's like an hour and a half, two
hour long talk on * and the dangers of *. And the reason I gave that talk is not
for young people actually. It wasn't to tell young people hey, look, man like this is why
* is bad about it was honestly to educate parents.
		

			so they can talk to their kids. Not that, hey, this is haram. And this is, you know, it's so bad and
to shame their kids, instead of shaming our kids. Rather, it should be that we're educating our kid
and say, Look, if you view *, this is what can happen to you. This is how it affects your
life, this how it can destroy your life, it can lead to addiction and all these other problems. This
is what we don't want. And this is why * is so so dangerous for you. And this is why it's
better that you stay away from it, you're gonna come across it, and all kids at some point, they
love protect this, but the reality is, is keeping it real, hashtag real talk, right? It's gonna
		

			happen, it's going to happen. It's not always things are not always, as I said, it's not in our
control. But when it happens, are they thinking of, you know, what my parents talked to me, but how
this can destroy my life. And so you know what, maybe I wouldn't want to do it again, or, you know,
just keep away from it, or best case scenario, is, let me go talk to my mom and my dad. Because, you
know, someone showed it to me. And I don't know what to do. Let me get advice from my parent. And in
order for that to happen, they need to be comfortable speaking to us, if we're always yelling at
them, and getting upset at them, and just shaming them for everything bad that they do, they're not
		

			going to want to talk to us. Right? And so that, once again, it's a much bigger problem, we want to
keep those doors of communication over. That doesn't mean that we don't set rules and boundaries.
For them, it is important, I'm going to talk about some of the, the the boundaries that we set for
our kids. But it means that it shouldn't always be that we come down with a hammer, it's very harsh,
we're always yelling, we're always mad, or we're shaming them. Right? We need to tell them once
again, it is about their relationship with Allah who's kind of like the Isla and having them live
their lives for a higher purpose. So spend time online together with your kids. So you can
		

			practically teach them what is appropriate, and what is inappropriate. Now, that leads us to another
elephant in the room, which is
		

			that the rules cannot be different for you.
		

			When it comes to these issues. So you cannot say it's okay for me to view these things, but it's not
okay for you. certain things, certain things. Yes, it's okay. If there's certain topics that simply
they're not at a mental age to process that information. That's fine. Right. But there's certain
things that are that they're if they're haram for them, they're haram for us, if it's things of
like, okay, witnessing, you know, what's on top of imagery, yes, they're at a young age, but just
that because of their young and tender age, they can have an impact on them. And so that's
different. I'm not talking about that I'm talking about if it's things that are otherwise haram for
		

			us, haram for them, it's got to be the same rules. Because as always another golden rule when it
comes to parenting, as I said, the first golden golden rule is do your best and rely upon Allah.
Another golden rule is our children learn more from what we do, then what we say, right? We can talk
and talk and talk and talk all day long. But our actions are going to have a far greater impact on
them. Then, what we say not action as in like, Hey, I'm punishing you. That's not what I mean by I
mean, our own personal actions, are we living up to the standards and children are very perceptive
Subhanallah very perceptive. They can tell whether you truly believe in what you're saying or not.
		

			And they can tell because are you doing it? Right? So I'll just give you a very clear example of
this. Tell your children prayer, your your your Salah, prayer or your prayers, but they don't see
you praying, even in a small child's mind. They know maybe not consciously, but on a subconscious
level, they know you obviously don't think so is that important? Because you're not doing it, even
if you yell at them and tell them to do it. This is why Sunday School parenting is honestly
problematic. It's problematic, in the sense that and what I mean by Sunday School parenting, if you
haven't heard this before, and I apologize, I didn't mean that to be offensive to anyone in any way.
		

			And sometimes these terminologies can be offensive, right? But just for you to understand what I'm
talking about.
		

			The Sunday School parenting department, a parent thinks I have no responsibility to work towards
raising my children in in, in their faith, and and teaching them what is good and bad. The Sunday
school will take care of it. So those four hours or two hours on Sunday, when they go to the masjid,
then, you know, the people at the middle teach them what's right and wrong. But for me, like I don't
have to do anything else. That approach does not work. Obviously, any amount of good is good. I'm
not discouraging. This is why I wanted to be very careful. You know, when you say a term like that
Sunday School parenting, I want to be very clear, a parent who does nothing and only sends their kid
		

			to Sunday school is better than a parent who does nothing, and also doesn't send them to Sunday
school. So when we're very clear about that, at least they're sending their kids kids to Sunday
school had them that that's great. But we also need to be aware that Sunday school on its own is not
enough. And so it's to encourage ourselves
		

			Look, if we're sending the Sunday school, what they learned in Sunday school needs to match up with
what they see in their home. And especially, you know, if we are telling them things and doesn't
match up with our own behavior, then that also means that we need to teach our kids and sometimes
parents don't like that. Because they're like, I'm not perfect. Does that means I cannot teach my
children? What's good? No, you teach your kids what is good, what is bad, and you teach them that
you're not perfect as well. What that means is that when you make a mistake, you tell your child, I
made a mistake. So something's haram for you. It's haram for me, if I'm doing it, and you tell your
		

			child, you know what, I did this thing, and it's actually haram for me as well. So I shouldn't be
doing it. And if it comes to, you know, treatment, parents should learn to apologize to their kids,
if they want their kids to do apologize to them. They have to that's a it's a learned behavior to
learn that to humble because apology is about humbling yourself, right? Some parents have a very
difficult time polishing, apologizing to their kids, like I'm the parent, I'm the mom, I'm the dad,
why would I apologize to my child? And what the child learns is that if you apologize, you've taken
a lesser position. And therefore some children have a difficult time they don't learn to apologize
		

			because they've never seen their parents apologize, or they've never seen, you know, let alone
Subhanallah parent apologizing to a child. Some children have never seen their dad apologize to
their mom.
		

			And that what are we teaching our kids Yanni that there's no human being who can say I've never had
the need to apologize, anyone. What you're saying is, you're perfect. You've never made a mistake.
You've never committed a sin. And you're an angel neck and we're not angels, right? That's not who
we are. As human beings. We all commit sins. We all make mistakes and person who says I will never
apologize, because I've never made a mistake. They're deluding themselves. They're delusional
because that's not I mean, that's once again, it's a part of it is part of arrogance is actually one
of the traits of the she have been that she upon. Allah gave him a chance to actually apologize and
		

			make Toba. Allah questioned him, why didn't you prostrate to them? Allah gave him a chance to
repent. And he doubled down he became arrogant an Ironman I'm better than him. I've been created
from fire, he's been created from clay and so on and so forth. That downward spiral that the ship on
took it's a lesson for us, right as parents, specifically, that we don't want to become arrogant and
		

			take on that mentality with our children. Or if we want our children once again, anything you want.
Golden Rule, anything you want from your children, you have to have in yourself, or you have to at
least try to develop in yourself. And sometimes it can be a very honest and open discussion. Like
you can tell your kids like, look, these movies, these types of movies are haram. I'm trying to quit
them as well. Especially when it comes to teenagers and older kids, right? Because then it's a very
it's a it's a, it should be an open discussion. It should be honest, open discussion. Teenagers are
not taking anything from nobody. You're not fooling teenagers about anything. Right? They will call
		

			you out. And if they don't call you out, because they're afraid of you, they'll call you out in
their head. In their head. They're thinking yeah, my mom told me this is haram, but my mom does it.
My dad told me this is how but that does it. So you're not fooling we're not fooling teenagers,
teenagers. So it's it creates a it opens the door for an honest and open discussion. We can tell our
kids, you know what, I'm struggling with this as well. You know what I tell you, as a teenager, I
tell you get off your phone, and I'm on my phone. I'm struggling with this as well, how do we help
each other? Let's create an environment in the household where I'm spending less time on my phone,
		

			and you're spending less time on your phone as well. Right instead of instead of Subhanallah
rationalizing and justifying our our own behavior. And then, you know, not giving our children that
same leeway and saying, No, you have to do this. But But I don't have to do this. So once again, key
point, take the journey with your kids. That's, that's one of the main issues. I think that's the if
there's one takeaway from today's data, is that we cannot look at this as a set of rules. We have to
look at this as a journey. And this is a journey that we want to take with our children. And I will
reiterate this, I'll say it again, that allows us to grow with our children, sometimes our children
		

			can make us better Muslims and better human beings. Because through them, we give ourselves to be
right. And that only happens when we're willing to humble ourselves and say if I'm giving my child
this advice, I want also this advice for myself as well. And that's it's a blessing from Allah
shadows is amazing. It's amazing. It's a blessing from Allah, that our children can make us better
and better Muslims and better human beings because we care about them. And we know that we have to
we have to up our game. And I know parents that have testified to this. And I know that I said
before I had children, I didn't care about anything. But when I had children, I started thinking
		

			about okay, I'm responsible now for my kids. If I want my child to be like this, I have to be like
this. And they found themselves becoming better Muslims, simply because the fact that they start
educating themselves. When my child comes and says, How do we know Islam is the truth? What am I
gonna say to them? Do I have an answer for them? Am I gonna say no, no, you just you have to believe
in Islam.
		

			That's it. That's not an answer, right. So they have to educate themselves and through educating
themselves about their faith about their Deen, they become became closer to Allah and they were able
to pass that down to their kids. So that's the big the big issue here. Other than that, and this
depends on on age, once again, it's important that we share in this responsibility, we have an open
relationship. And that also means when it comes to like devices and things like that, you know, at a
younger age, we should, especially at a younger age, we should have common areas in the house. So
you know, we shouldn't hand them an iPad and say, and this I know a lot of parents understand this
		

			right? And go use it in your room or whatever. You want to use your iPad. Best best thing would be
let's use it together, right? Oh, what are you watching? What are you doing? You're playing a game
languish, tell me what this game is, you know, do that with them. And if you can do at least that
they're using it in a common area. And,
		

			and being in that in that with them. So taking interest in what they're doing. And I know it's hard,
it's not always easy. I look at some of the things that the my, my you know, my younger one is still
young, right? My older child, some stuff that he's into, I'm really not into, and my instinct, my
gut instinct to say like, Man, I don't care about this, like you're into this thing. Like I don't, I
don't care about it. But you really got to force yourself like, Look, if you don't show interest in
their interest, then how do you expect to guide them in terms of what's right and what's wrong. So
sometimes we have to get out of our own, you know, likes and dislikes and think about our children
		

			speak to so not only So, so have these conversations with your children take that journey with them.
So you can talk about stuff, you know, an ideal situation would be you're watching something
together and something comes up. And then you can pause it or you can later on, you know, sit down
with your child. So you know, today we were watching this, and this issue came up, what do you think
about it? And you know, actually, our dean teaches us that this is wrong, and we shouldn't be like
that. And, you know, even though, you know, this is found in a lot of TV shows today, this is found
a lot of movies today, our faith teaches us that this is wrong. And I'm sure you know what I'm
		

			talking about, right?
		

			This isn't every media right now, everyone is saying this, but no, our faith teaches us to have
that. Okay, why is it wrong? You know, having that discussion with our, with our kids having open
conversations, along with that, I will add to that, so how to love is building a network with other
parents. So our parents, our kids don't exist in a vacuum. Right? Their world is, is you know, also
depending on the age, but at least, you know, once they start going to school, their world becomes
bigger than than then than just us just the house. So we need to look at that world and say what is
in that world? Well, their friends, and their friends come from a household, they come from a
		

			culture they come from, you know, if they go to Simon School, even if their parents, they're your
friends or their friends or Muslim, they may have the in their household, their own rules. So
network with other parents and say, Hey, how much screen time do you allow for your kids? Are your
kids allowed to do this? Or are they allowed to do do this? Number one,
		

			you can you can have a, you can be on the same page. It's a united front. And that's the ideal
situation where your child says, you know, and I'm sure a lot of parents, especially younger kids,
you've heard your kids say this, why can I do this? My friend? I don't know, Hamza or you know, I
below whoever I'm a or you know, Samia, she does it. Her parents say it's okay, why can I do it? And
I know we say you know what doesn't matter what they say, I'm your parent. And that's okay, as well.
We also need to teach our kids and not everyone is the same. We need to teach our kids that even
within Islam, people have different opinions. That's just the reality of the world we live in. So
		

			maybe in their house, they think it's okay. But in our house, we don't think it's okay. Right? Or an
art and even the other ways we've had Allah, some people will tell their kids, this is not okay. We
don't have a problem with it. But we shouldn't be we should talk to our kids about look, we need to
respect other people's rules, right? If in their household, they don't want to do I don't want you
doing this with him. There's a particular game for example, I allowed my kid to play but his friend
doesn't. Their parents have spoken to me. And they said, We don't allow our kids to play. We should
have the respect to say to our kid, like look that his parents are don't allow him to play it. So
		

			don't don't play that game with him. Don't show it to him. Don't try to try to get him to play that
game. So it works. works both ways. Rules are different. But ideally a united front is amazing when
all the parents would get together and say look, this is what we do. Think about some Pamela just
the idea something very simple. It's time for Salah and you need to you need to turn off your device
and pray slaw and not you know and this is all first hand experience by the way, you know, so my
child he may be on on you know, a device and playing with a friend and people play online games now
not online games, and I don't I'm not cool with online games because it's just online is just so
		

			vague and just other people that I allow my child to play with other kids just them to not just
random people
		

			So if they're playing with somebody, right, and obviously, I'm monitoring, and it's happening once
again in the common room, and we've talked about this game before, all that other stuff that I
talked about, and they're playing the game, the almost time for Salah, and then their parents says,
yeah, it's time for Salah, you guys need to cut off, you need to now turn it off. It's a beautiful,
you're teaching your kids. So it all takes priority, right and it's happened, I do it. My friend
does it humbly. Now that's a that's a united united front. So, so, so teach. So that's, that's, you
know, keeping that united networking with with our, with our, with our children's friends and their
		

			social circle and not just our own social social circle, we also need to teach our kids once again,
as I said, not every household is the same. We have certain guidelines and rules in our household,
we got to follow the rules, you have to have some basic rules in our household. These rules should
be followed, right. So whether it's you know, for example, can be a time restriction, a day
restriction. Some parents say like on the weekdays, no video games, no, whatever, only on the
weekends, okay, that's our household rule. Another household, as I mentioned, the screen has to be
in the common area, I have to be able to see your screen when you're on the screen. That's a rule.
		

			We have to follow the rules. Alright. And once again, when you take part in it as well, 100 of that,
that reinforces that in terms of safety and security. Some ground rules that I think every parent
should have is we never send you know, especially at a younger age, I'm not really talking about
teens here and older, that's a different age, especially underneath the less than that. We never
send pictures online. Right? Your friend says Send me a picture, whatever, we never share pictures.
Online, we never trade pictures, we never send pictures. We never give out any personal information
online like these are hard and fast rules, your address your phone number, your school, your
		

			whatever you want to talk about it you talk about in person, we don't talk about this online. Oh,
I'm just talking to my friend on FaceTime or whatever. No, we that's information on on an electric
electronic device. We do not share that information, name, passwords, logins, these are things we
never ever, ever share. We never speak to someone online. These are rules we teach our kids we never
speak to someone online that our parent doesn't know about. Right. So when knew that a parent hasn't
met, they don't know about. We never speak to anyone like that online. We never agree to plans
without our parents approval or without them knowing. Right? What happens is sometimes kids will
		

			have a lot agree to Hey, well, let's let's even have a young age. Let's go, let's let's go to the
park this weekend. And they make a plan together without speaking to the parents and parents come
and say no, no, we're not available this weekend. But we don't want to teach our kids that they have
that ability to make plans because they may end up doing things. And it may end up teaching them
that they're allowed to do things without their bed. I'm talking about a young agent without their
parents approval. And this opens the door for you know, pet online predators and so on so forth,
that that type of communication and making plans and has to involve the parents, we need to have
		

			that open door of communication I was speaking about earlier, anything that makes you uncomfortable,
please come speak to me, I'm not gonna get mad. I'm not gonna get upset, I'm not gonna yell at you.
If someone said something mean, someone showed you something that was weird. That was odd. Come tell
me. And so we are we are a source of comfort we are as a shelter for our kids rather than a prison.
And there's a difference, that we are a place of refuge, not a not a prison for them. So they're
they're comfortable coming to us with those with those issues. In the teen years. And I know Subhan
Allah, please, please forgive me. The honestly teenagers and social media online deserves a whole
		

			nother talk. But some advice that I will give here is that as people as children going into their
teenage years, in the chat, it becomes more challenging. And that's a that's a reality that all
parents need to accept that teenage years will be more challenging. Obviously, there's exceptions.
But most teenagers, life becomes challenging, right parenting can become more challenging. Simply
the fact that many parents will give their children a smartphone at at those teenage years. Once
again, no judgment here. That's a call that each parent makes for themselves. Right. But when that
happens, we need to be aware that the challenges also increase because now they have private access
		

			to a whole world that we may not be able to monitor like we were monitoring them at, you know, at a
younger age. And also at in teenage years. There's a natural need for privacy, because to a teenage
mind. Privacy means or a privacy means autonomy. autonomy means means that I'm I'm I am becoming an
adult, I'm becoming my own person. I want my freedom. That's just that's just a teenage way, right?
You want to be free. We need to we need to respect that in the sense that we need to allow for it to
a certain degree so that we don't completely cut them off. We also want
		

			I give them a free rein and say, because you're a teenager, like go do whatever you want. That's not
what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that there needs to be a balance too, because we need to
understand that they do have the need now to be their own person. Right? So we cannot restrict them
from everything. But open communication, right. And hopefully, the work we've put in before the
teenage years, will pay off now and understand they are going to do things that are bad, right? It's
just it's going to happen. But it's how they react, or they're going to be exposed to things that
are bad, but it's how they react to what they're exposed to what they what they come across. So yes,
		

			we want to give them a certain level of autonomy, we need to give them a certain level of privacy,
but not you know, say, Okay, it's just complete privacy, I'm never going to look at your phone or
whatever, there needs to be some balance there. And, you know, there's no one clear answer to this,
there's no one clear guideline, because every child is different. Every household is different,
every tattoo idea that has been given to a child is different. So the way I have talked to my
children's children growing up may be different than how you talk to your children growing up. So
and even between children, this can happen. A parent may say, with this child of mine, there are
		

			more responsible. And so I can give them a little bit more. Like I trust them more a little bit,
right? Because I know, you know that just because of how they are this one, you know, I'm a little
bit more, I try to watch them a little bit more, because they haven't developed that level of
maturity yet where I can fully say, okay, you know what, I trust them to make the right decision.
Once again, not complete control, but the level of autonomy we give our children. But once again,
just like with younger kids, hopefully, it's been happening with teenagers, that that conversation
and discussion needs to continually take place. So what that we need to talk about what they're
		

			doing when you talk about the dangers of what they're doing the most. And this is key, as I said
earlier, taking an active role in the lives of our children. And so when we see something, we talk
about the dangers of it, we talk about the problems we talk about, you know, once again, certain
things we don't we don't share with people, even at even at a teenage years, or whatever it may be.
		

			And I know I've kind of gone over my time here. So I'm gonna I'm going to come to an end Inshallah,
the most important thing. Okay, so let's just say that the takeaway from today, if you haven't been
paying attention so far, this is the time talk to your kids are rather I should say, talk with your
kids speak with your kids, keep an open line of communication, so that they feel comfortable turning
to you when problems occur, because, you know, depending on either three categories that I mentioned
earlier, there is going to be a problem at some point, even if it's not, may Allah protect us, not
cyber bullying, it's not on our predators, but coming across inappropriate content is going to
		

			happen. I'm telling you right now, and it's going to happen. We want them to be able to come to us
when it happens. And we put our trust in Allah who's Panama data, and we remind ourselves that is
Allah in control. Allahu Allah, Parliament.