Riyadul Haqq – The Three As- Amend, Abandon or Accept

			Speaking about marriages, let me tell you how I deal often with people in with marital problems.
		

			Very simple.
		

			People, let's say I'm speaking someone. So the husband says,
		

			My wife is like this, like this, like this Like this. Like there's
		

			a litany of complaints, a whole list, all the frustration, all the anguish is expressed.
		

			And I listen.
		

			And then I say, okay, so what do you want?
		

			I have only three answers for you.
		

			There are only three solutions.
		

			There is no fourth.
		

			Now, obviously, this I've honed over many, many years, so I'm very proficient at this now.
		

			Before I would spend a lot of time my ears would hurt.
		

			My head would hurt because I'd give a lot of time, but now I've chiseled it down. So I stopped them.
Support.
		

			I'm sure we could spend the whole week discussing your grievances.
		

			I have
		

			three answers for you. Three solutions, that is no fourth. Remember that? So now let's go through
these reasons. Number one,
		

			you are deeply unhappy about your wife, and your marital situation. I want you to answer these
questions. And therein lies the solution. Number one, change the situation.
		

			Change it
		

			change your life. Can you change your life? No, fine. Can you change your situation? Know, your
first answer is given. Let's move on to the second solution. So the first solution is not right for
you, is it? Can you change her? Can you change your situation? I can't change it. So that is no
longer the first solution. Number two,
		

			leave.
		

			Leave her
		

			Can you leave her? Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not telling him divorce her. What I'm trying to
get them to think that this is the second solution to your choice. It's not for me to say it's your
choice. Leave her? Can you leave? Now? I can't. Fine. So the second solution doesn't work. So now
you only have the third solution. There is no fourth by Allah there is no fourth. And the third
solution is accepts
		

			three A's. A mend the situation?
		

			Can you amend the situation? No. To abandon the situation second aid. Can you abandon the situation?
No. There is only the third accepts,
		

			amend abandoned or accept, amend abandon or accept. Can you? Third thing except I can't accept it.
Then I said you are now asking for the impossible.
		

			You're asking for the impossible. You want a perfect solution. There is no perfection.
		

			No perfection. You want her to be perfect. You want your situation to be perfect. You want
everything. You want her on your terms as you want her you want your situation and marriage as you
want it.
		

			You don't want to and you can't change, you can't amend and you can't abandon either.
		

			So what do you want?
		

			Your answer lies in these three solutions. You have to choose one.
		

			And the most difficult is that one of the most difficult one. All of them are difficult. It's
difficult. It's impossible to change someone or situation to some degree, yes, but not completely.
The other is to abandon that's not easy either. The third is to accept. No one's saying that's easy,
either. The reason is we want a perfect solution in all three, we want it to be a perfect situation
where I should be able to change him or her completely. Nobody changes for anyone. One of the rules
of life is nobody changes for anyone.
		

			Even in marriage.
		

			You get what you get. You have to live with it's
		

			true. You get what you get. You have to live with it.
		

			So
		

			check, amend, abandon or accept there is no fourth solution. Now why am I giving this example
because this applies to everything in any situation.
		

			We want the perfect solution, but there is no perfection in the world.
		

			We want to change the world so that it's perfect for us.
		

			That can't happen. We can't abandon. Sometimes we can some situations we can just walk away from it.
		

			Because we are not so tied to it.
		

			And where we can't, for whatever reason, and third is to Accept to accept that imperfection.
		

			It's our failure to accept which causes us so much grief
		

			which makes us miserable and the way we are with ourselves and with others.