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Homemade Happiness #10 – No to Hostility

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Riad Ouarzazi

Channel: Riad Ouarzazi

Series:

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Some allow him with all sorts of sounds when they come up with the light to Allah wa barakato. This is rather as as you were coming off to homemade happiness, this is episode number 10.

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So that modicum of law I'm just gonna give a minute or two for more people to join Charla.

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We're both live on Facebook and on Instagram.

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And this is about the

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10th episode of homemade happiness is just starting little slow. So I just want to give some time just minute or two for more people to join in sha Allah

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global cattle.

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And then what's the hem I haven't become more haben I don't know, what's the Helen.

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We took a break for about a week. And we're back into our online regular series

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homemade happiness this series which we started in, in the Ramadan,

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and we have not completed it yet.

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This also started right after we completed the

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right after we completed the end of time, and it comes around about a cat. So just to give you a quick review of especially those who just joined they

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the maybe they're new to this program. So hamdulillah we've been having two online programs, one called

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tipsy bites, it's short of seal program. It's very short. I mean short as 1520 minutes or so it's not deep to see it. And then the second program is called homemade happiness. Right, this is the second program that we've been having.

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Since Ramadan, hamdulillah

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and this homemade happiness we

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again, quick preview, this homemade happiness, it's a it's a it's a family series. It's a family series hamdulillah

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involves every member of the family, on how to make our homes, like you know, like in our homes, how to make our homes like the homes over of the profit, how the home of the Sahaba how to bring back serenity, how to bring back

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you know happiness and joy, how to bring back

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peace in our homes and those who have the level of their you know, happy homes, how to maybe you know inshallah to either have more happiness into your homes because here we'll we're sharing with you a lot of very, you know, golden advice on how to you know, energize and you know that relationship with your with your children with your spouse's with your parents with your in laws, you know, every buddy would get a piece through the series of shallow tida whether you're a mom or a dad, whether your sibling like a sister brother, whether your

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husband wife, grandfather or grandmother, father in law mother in law,

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whether you are

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a stepfather or stepmother, everybody would have you know, some some thing to take out from this series inshallah Dad, you know, everybody as I mentioned that whether your father mother, stepfather, stepmother, father in low mother out low, I mean in low

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son, brother, husband, wife, everybody shallow Tyler will have to take you know, and we'll take some some golden, you know, advice and tools and, and a lot of

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proactive in handling that very, very practical advice on how to that you could use in your life in Charlotte at some point. So my brothers and sisters again, welcome back. The other is as he welcome you back to homemade happiness. This is episode number 10.

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This is session number 10. And today in shallow tada the title of this episode is no to hostility.

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No to hostility because if

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you know remember

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Mind, let me give you just a quick preview, you know, a review of what we talked about, you know, in the previous session in on how to know maybe ADK to discipline your children how to raise your children.

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We talked about some current

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methods that are used at home, such as maybe Blayne such as provocative, provocative advice, just threats, I gave examples of all those lectures.

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Warnings, these are some methods that some parents are using, you know, today with the children, how to, you know, sometimes they ridicule them, to give them advice, sometimes they compare them this is the a lot of parents do this, you know, comparing, you know, their children with others, maybe even comparing them to their own siblings or comparing them to their cousins or comparing them to their friends or their neighbors.

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But then, I gave some counter more productive advice on how to maybe old methods on how to raise or maybe how to not how to raise your kids, such as, you know, the, the, if you remember the, the principle of appreciation of tequila, and st Olam of the principle of appreciation, and respect, you know, this is if you remember, this was foundation number nine, because throughout the series, all I'll be doing is suggesting, or providing you with some sort of principles and foundations that you could use in your homes and shallow dad, these are foundations, we could all adopt these foundations, and Charlotte and all of us, you know, I will not be able to solve every case or every

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problem at home, you know, in different homes, because they're different. You know, it's it's case by case scenario, maybe something that would work with you in your home may not work with somebody else, right? People have their own issues and whatnot. But if we were to adopt these foundations, this is what we call them foundations also clear in Arabic, right? So you could use them it's like a joker you know, you could use it, anybody could use it. The first if you remember the first Foundation was to worship together worship ally Xhosa, you know, together as a family worship together.

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value your family is foundation number two, value in the Family Foundation number three, to live with mercy, Rama to live with mercy.

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foundation number four, understand that family is is is a blessing of Allah Xhosa. Your family is Nima from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Number five, talking about the pivotal role of the Father.

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We spoke and we had like maybe two or three sessions just talking about that pivotal role of the Father. And then the number six the father the friends, this is another Foundation, the Father, the friend. And then number seven, talking about the mums. The mothers are the engines for motivations. And then talking about number eight of the the the language of compassion, a beautiful language that we could use with our children with our not only our children, our friends, our loved ones, you know, the language of compassion.

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Number nine respect and appreciation. That's number one, number nine, and this is with regard to you know, using it with your children with your loved ones. And today inshallah huhtala we'll be talking about foundation number 10 it's called note to hostility, no to Earth in other people credit that no no to hostility, right. This is this is some of the you know, foundations that we have spoken about so far. And then we gave we gave a lot of examples from the from the time of from the life of the Prophet Mohammed as I said them you know the examples that the Prophet Mohammed Aslam used in terms of, you know, dealing with kids dealing with youth dealing with with his daughters and dealing with

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his children dealing with, you know, his grandchildren, some of the lonely will send them

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and then we'll be talking at some point Charlotte, are we talking about husbands and wives? We will be talking about the youth and friends, the youth and sexuality. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. In this session, I will be talking to the youth, this topic that maybe people will try to refrain from people will try to stay away from people, especially you, you will not like to talk about I'm going to be talking about it in this session. Shallow data in not in this session, but in the series, the youth and sexuality, the youth and last, yes, we'll be talking about that as well. And we'll be talking still more about the parents more about the parents and more about those both together because we

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spoke about the mom and we spoke

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About the dad, but I will talk about them together. You know, as parents in short a lot of data,

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we gave some advice, I gave some advice such as,

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try yourself as a dad, you know, this is advice on proactive advice on how to raise your children, you know, if they were to make a mistake, you know, try generally, you know, try give it a try yourself. And I, we, I gave the other advice such as,

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before you give them directions,

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fix your problem yourself, prove it to them yourself.

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motivate them, you know,

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use their talents, you know, you if you remember, all these are recorded, so that you mean if you want, you want to go back to them, they're all recorded on my YouTube channel, they're all on the Facebook as well my page, all the series, nine sec lectures, they're all recorded them, they can always go back to them, using encouragements using praise, you know, this is some another

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in our method that you could use with your children with your loved ones in RV, we call it the lease, at lease

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at the resort fees, you know, using

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encouragements and our to it as a form of, of raising your kids, you know, and directing

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your kids open dialogue is another method that you could use, you know,

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and this method is is a wonderful method, you know,

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writing a letter to your church or your son to a lot to your daughter, you know, could be another method, you know, so there's quite a few methods so my brothers and sisters now I want to move since this is was just like an intro, you know, given a chance for more people to join as an intro, but now inshallah time we're going to move to session number 10, Episode Number 10. of homemade happiness. And the title of this session is no to hostility.

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lead in earth, no to force.

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What does that mean? Any does that mean? I should not beat my child up? I should not beat my children up. No to hostility, no to hostility. I know that some times.

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I know that sometimes your children may do something so bad that you really want to beat them up. I know exactly how that feels.

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I know how that feels. They do something really, really, really so bad that you really like they deserve

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a nice beat up, you know, they deserve it.

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But we need to set some standards.

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We need to set some standards and the standard that we need to set today inshallah Tada, that beating is unacceptable. Especially those you know what, some people some parents, the beloved their children as if they're really like punching a boxing, you know, like back a punching bag like a boxing back or kickboxing back. Really, like really. I'm in Hamden Chow line man, you know, would not apply to you but I know I know that there's some parents are really like beat up their children like you've never seen before. Right?

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Yes, I was one of them at some point in my life, you know, in my dad when he used to beat us up with a with a belt with with butcher things whatever he had in front of me, we just use it, you know, and Bill is up right? But that said that standard and the standard today is my brothers and sisters. beading is unacceptable.

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helaas beating isn't acceptable. Unacceptable brother Kiko Come on, buddy, come on. Algerians, Moroccans, you know, sometimes Pakistanis Indians, I would say more Pakistanis, you know,

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Arabs in general but I would say yeah, Jerry's, we we have hot blood, a little bit of hot blood, a

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little bit of a hot blood, you know, you know, we we like to, you know, use our hands a lot sometimes No, so, no to hostility, no to force with our loved ones. Beating is unacceptable.

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Tell us

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why. I don't want to give you some something in you know, I say no. But then I will give you other you know, methods and shallow talent to use instead.

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I'm not gonna just say no. And then and then don't don't don't sort of like, talk about this issue and don't mention it and, and then just let it you know, no, I would definitely shallow to Allah give you some alternatives, some alternatives to you know, beating up your children instead, right? In fact those who live in the West, you know that it's illegal. Those who live in the West, they know that it's illegal. I know there was this funny guy who says, you know,

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he says, you know, his dad used to beat him up. So he came in and out to Canada and then living in Canada, he went to school with some white guys. And the white guy says, Oh, your dad beat you up. Next time, he wants to beat you up, just tell him I'm gonna call social services. I'm gonna call social services really says yes. Just tell your then the next time was to beat you up, just call social services, or call to I'm going to call 911. All right, I'm going to call 911.

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So this Indian boy is going back to his dad is happy, then you know, do something right? You know, and then his father's gonna beat him up, you know, he's up. And then the son says that, if you touch me, I'm gonna call social services. This is what

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I'm gonna call 911.

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And this is our you've been hanging with john and Bob and James and Tony. And you know, all those guys. That's cool. The white guys that that knows. You've been hanging out with john and Bob, ah, you touch me. I'm gonna call social services I'm gonna call 911.

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Then the dad said, Okay, what time is it now?

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It will take 911 15 minutes to get here. Right? If you call them, it's gonna give them about 15 minutes to get here. In that 15 minutes, I will kill the heck out of you, I will beat the heck out of you. And then by the time they come, it's fine.

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So the dad was a smart guy to write just fine. You want me you know, you want to call the it's gonna take them 15 minutes, then that 15 minutes. I'll show you what I can do.

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So the guy who did not he didn't learn what to say now say that right? Because he's cheese friends told him, you know, the white guy. They said, if you're that, you know, wants to beat you up, just tell him you know, tell him threaten him I'm gonna call 911 you're gonna call in all social services.

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So

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Well, you know what, it's gonna take them that much, you know, to come home, it's gonna take them that long to get to your home by the time they get to your home.

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You know, but all I said my sisters and brothers again, we need to set the standards and the standards are

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beating is unacceptable.

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Beating is unacceptable. And here inshallah Tada. I'm going to be sharing with you some alternatives on how to definitely discipline your kids. inshallah. Tada, we all need disciplining. I have that, you know, I had that seminar called How to raise your parents, really? I called it how to raise your parents. People are saying really, sir, we need to be raised. I said, how to raise your parents, hey, this is what it's called, How to risk because sometimes parents they also need to be raised. They need to be disciplined. You know, so how to raise your parents. So this first standard brothers and sisters

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know with the standard, you know, not to beating no to hostility, not to not to use in force for many reasons.

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The Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says in the law of fear

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will you believe your murder your

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wisdom the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam says that Allah subhanho wa Taala is forbear Gentle,

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gentle forbearance, and he loves forbearance, and rewards for forbearance, where he does not reward for severity of

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being gentle.

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The Prophet Mohammed Al is subtle changes in the law, in the law,

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or in the risk, one of the names of Allah subhanho wa Taala is a graphic of you know that you people know that one of the names of Allah Allah Xhosa has many beautiful names. This is the 99 Names of Allah. But Allah has more than 99 names. One of the most beautiful one of the Beautiful Names of Allah azza wa jal is a graphic

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comes from Rick forbearances or gentleness. He loves gentleness and he gives an He rewards for gentleness that which he does not reward for

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severity and force. So Anahata

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the Prophet slicin says Muslim wherever forbearance is added to something, it adorns it,

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when forbearance is added to something, it adorns it, it makes it beautiful.

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And whatever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective. Some handler when left

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wondering when forbearance is used on something, it beautifies it and then what it is removed from something? Yeah, and it's somebody who's harsh. Wow, don't want to hang out with that person, a friend who's harsh. A manager who's harsh in

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a father who's harsh a mom who's harsh, a son who's rough you know, anybody who's harsh you don't want to you know, deal with those people you know, you try to avoid them. But somebody who's Rafiq was gentle. Even if you don't know them, you like them. You want to associate yourself with them because some of their qualities they're they're

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they're gentle Jenkins.

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Also, this

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the beating you know, the force the use of force, the use of force teaches your kids many bad stuff. It teaches them to be hypocrites. It teaches them to lie.

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It teaches them to lie How How? How can beating my children teaches my children to lie?

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Can you give me an example

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the SEMA circa 1998 you're a mom? I think you're a mom. Can you give me an example of how beating up your children teaches them to lie?

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How

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hmm

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I can't give you an example

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your child he breaks something or she breaks something

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and then you come and say who broke this? He says I did.

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I did and then you beat them up, you beat him up or you beat her up the next day, next time she breaks or he breaks something and you ask you know who broke that? They will not say I

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yes, the next time exactly to avoid the beating they will say not me. Or they will say somebody else they will blame it on somebody else. They may even swear they was not them.

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Right.

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And the fact that you beat them up regularly, they get used to it they get used to it

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Yeah, exactly.

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They won't feel the beating or more they get used to it.

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But I tell your sisters and brothers that you can get so much off of your children without using force

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you can get so much off of them. You can get so many beautiful gems of of your children without using force.

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I mean at some point yes, I will tell you that punishment you know if you want to punish how to do it, I would share that with your fellow dad maybe today.

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If you have us after giving and you have to go in and exhausting all options. You have no other choice other than punishment. How should you punish your children? Well we'll talk about that as well. Right after like I said exhausting all possibilities and options. You have no other choice other than they really need to be punished. How should you punish them? But before that, there are certain things that you need to know inshallah who tada

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so remember foundation number 10 Khadija Mohammed che silk 1998 nassima Mariana what is foundation number 10 What's Principle number 10 I mentioned it today. All right. What is that foundation number 10 that I have mentioned

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Come on Facebook right there. Instagram right here. What is foundation number 10.

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I gave nine and today I shared with you number 10.

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Yes, that's true. Let's see that's true. Exactly. No to hostility. No to hostility. Exactly. Mariana yes mean, Khadija no to force using no beating up your children is I said unacceptable. Unacceptable. is illegal. If you live in the West. It is illegal. Number two. It is no it is unacceptable. Carlos Lally knows exactly, but albia no to an earth

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earn any incentive in Arabic, any very hostile.

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Alright.

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I want to share with you

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in South Alabama

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I want to share with you an idea from solid lmra verse number 159. You know, sometimes brothers and sisters, that your children you're punishing them and they don't even know what they've been punished

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some time You know, there's certain parents who punish their children and their children don't don't even know why they've been punished. You've been harsh, they don't even understand why you'd been harsh.

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You use enforced and you don't even know why you're using force you yelling and screaming, and you don't even know why you're screaming and yelling at them.

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There's some parents who have anger management problem.

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There are there's some parents who do have an anger management problem.

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You know, they think that, you know, fixing issues to screaming and yelling and beating with actually you know, sort of the children out and they will fix the problems and as I said, I promise you, you know, they will not solve the problem. You know, that method will never solve the problem. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, they'll come Welcome to

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albina boomin how Nick.

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Mohammed, local telephony,

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for boom in halleck if you are severe and Heart, heart harsh hearted or Mohammed, if you were severe and harsh hearted, they will break away from you. Look at this.

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This advice given to Prophet Mohammed, this is a divine advice from Allah subhana wa tada coming to the end telling Prophet Mohammed or Mohammed giving him a naziha if you are severe and harsh hearted with those people that you're given that window, they will break away from you.

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You know when you're screaming, screaming, screaming screaming all the here is noise.

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They don't hear words.

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You understand? They do not hear the words. They only hear noise.

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Now when you scream at your wife, you're not married. Do you scream at your sisters?

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Mariana Mohammed, do you scream? When he said you scream at your siblings? Maybe I don't know. Do you Mariana? Do you scream at your children? I don't know if you have children. nassima do you scream?

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Sometimes?

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Sometimes,

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but you always scream but you yell

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never really. Mariana No. Mashallah. Are you an angel? And you're an angel. You never screen

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you never scream. When you say never scream you need nassima Okay, is that khilafah? So somebody is not an angel that their nanny. I hate it. Uh huh. Huh. Well, that's what Allah Xhosa is saying there. Right? Because sometimes you you know, they do something and then you feel like, Oh, you just comes out from screaming, right? You start screaming. I mean, the tone goes goes there then and then you realize that maybe you change your tone, but I'm talking about someone.

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I'm talking about someone who this is constant it is how they don't they they fix problems. So they they deal with problems by screaming and yelling. Just so you know that the screaming and yelling your children or whoever you're screaming to maybe your husband or your wife, the only hear noise they don't hear words. You can scream all you want

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your screen after the sixth time. You have to repeat yourself. Well, fair enough.

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That's fair enough.

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Fair enough. Six times Come on now six times you know I have to repeat myself. So after this seven time is with any look with a 777 heavens seven Earth seven power seven. stuff on 117. So seven, I gave you seven chances, right six, seven. I have to scream.

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All right, fair enough.

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Like

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I tell you, sisters and brothers, punishing

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should not be the first you know, method to be used because it's not going to solve the problem, I will give you alternatives. I will give you a tentative

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you should have five to six methods and maybe you can share some with me in shallow to add, right you can share some with me today, you know, I will share with you maybe five six different methods, on, on, on,

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on, on how to inshallah, tada

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raise your kids and, and instead of using the earth, instead of using an earth instead of using force, maybe you can try this other metals before resorting to punishment. But first let me say sit down to my chef Mossad Yallop chef Mossad Zamalek let me go say Sam to chef masala

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let me say say Salaam to say hoonah Shia Mossad. I hope it will work with him this time. I really hope it will work with him this time.

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I hope it will work with him.

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If it does not work at the LA meshify

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mmm Messiah is here machines Mossad is the colleague from Montreal. He remember him. You know during aid. He came in he he missionaries the us with his amazing reputation. He's just joined. I wanted to say set up to him. This It's okay. I think the chef is maybe busy. We'll see if we can come back later on. I'll give you some alternatives brothers and sisters.

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Remember when I said that you should not do in a lucky the

00:31:43--> 00:32:14

favoritism favoritism you know what favoritism is your favorite one child or for the other? And sometimes you say no no they all the same. All My Children are the same. You know I treat them the same but sometimes without even you realizing that you are favoring one over another. In example, here's an example. You hug one you don't have the other. You kiss one you don't kiss the other. You know if you kiss one you have to kiss the other even if the other one does not deserve it kiss him or kiss her as well.

00:32:15--> 00:32:22

Your hug one even if the other one does not need that hug you hug him as well. This is called favoritism. I wish if not

00:32:31--> 00:32:33

I wish if so

00:33:06--> 00:33:08

let Michelle carry in fact I love American hemp

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works amazing hair in fact.

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It is an amazing

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job.

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mean I mean why you're shifting away from Chevron? And

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Moldova and Tobia Well firstly home fee. headman alosa splendens Tobia learning

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now now there is a limo

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to whom the man and

00:33:53--> 00:33:54

the man who met

00:33:56--> 00:33:59

So hey, labor Creek, it's not like

00:34:00--> 00:34:01

in the last

00:34:04--> 00:34:05

manner you're thinking

00:34:13--> 00:34:16

in Omaha been our winner

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and there's the loss of American Association palamu definition what are the leading cause young man who comes to the me You haven't gone solo hunter nice and most of them are young men mailman, the

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so called hamdulillah young tofu coma. Yoku una una cola. What a milking

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systems in Sharla for my

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controller.

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Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

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Boom, boom, boom, we'll see ya.

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speaks

00:35:02--> 00:35:04

fluent English and fluent French

00:35:17--> 00:35:18

told us you

00:35:19--> 00:35:23

on the Hello comes to me out his neck and as you

00:35:25--> 00:35:27

can also notice now that I'm

00:35:28--> 00:35:31

older myalgia isn't even a young boy

00:35:34--> 00:35:35

to do now is a good

00:35:37--> 00:35:42

method measured measures to reduce local issues and he only

00:35:43--> 00:35:44

saw him while

00:35:47--> 00:35:54

he was happy to know the color local summary to say sir you have simonelli

00:35:56--> 00:35:57

actually

00:35:59--> 00:36:00

went to

00:36:01--> 00:36:08

Korea the military whether it was just two years and hernia or is it two photons half eaten or you

00:36:10--> 00:36:11

can

00:36:12--> 00:36:20

go to Allah sudama takala in enough of Delhi in no matter who has the courage to speak

00:36:22--> 00:36:24

tomorrow or live on could

00:36:26--> 00:36:27

have been

00:36:28--> 00:36:31

one alcoholic I'm so so so

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I always I will I will I will I will translate inshallah I will translate what

00:36:39--> 00:36:52

I say with him and the live no I'm so sorry. You came you came because you have to give us one or two minutes. Today everybody's asking him for Facebook usage if we want to hear you when one minute two minutes kita

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I will I'm a translation by the llama commerce show

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all I can know

00:37:04--> 00:37:13

if any individual can looked for HANA men how'd you manage it hasn't resolved to tie them

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to

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lupus heavy use of a lot of

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energy low mileage living a good angle no maintenance equipment the salting costs in the Tobin hair the limited halia

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ality yep so

00:37:36--> 00:37:37

nice to be here

00:37:39--> 00:37:40

and I can help polite all day

00:37:43--> 00:37:44

Darla middles on Lawson

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and no control

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Z minute sister beauty of Nevada Tina salted Island Lacey What are you what are you what are you what are you

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what are you sleep almost every day in the lyrics on the mall I sell the model in a particular city the judge man he said something like that send them know kinda Halima Oh can I

00:38:14--> 00:38:15

know can also do so

00:38:20--> 00:38:23

at the forefront of your mind our Latina

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girl

00:38:35--> 00:38:36

may or may not do.

00:38:37--> 00:38:40

She has we will start off where we mentioned the shalida

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van de La Casita,

00:39:04--> 00:39:14

Jimena English in shallow data at minimum and Miranda common trauma tada in Colombia born we were going to waste of salt, the shape

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the shape

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You

00:40:05--> 00:40:06

know?

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Go

00:41:33--> 00:41:38

Oh

00:41:56--> 00:41:57

yours

00:42:31--> 00:42:32

well, Misa

00:42:35--> 00:42:38

does me

00:42:39--> 00:42:40

I

00:43:02--> 00:43:06

quality labor, I'd have to know how to be if they don't want

00:43:08--> 00:43:08

me

00:43:11--> 00:43:14

to miss mommy miss me that would mess up

00:43:19--> 00:43:20

my collection. Yeah, cool.

00:43:27--> 00:43:28

There you go.

00:43:31--> 00:43:38

That was chef Mossad built he built a GI from, from Montreal.

00:43:39--> 00:43:52

He joined us as Allah here. So he mentioned as something that we've been talking about allowed him to lead the series. And he gave an example of the Sahaba, this little boy who was praying behind the Prophet Mohammed I saw set up.

00:43:54--> 00:44:29

And then as they were praying in the masjid, he started talking, he did not know because initially the people were talking during the setup. And then and then but he did not know that it was abrogated, that they no longer can talk no longer can talk during the setup. And then he started asking questions and people are praying. And then there is looking at them says, you know, why you're not replying back to me why you're not, you know, talking back when did they say what did they? And, you know, and he's talking during the Sadat, people are praying and he's, he's like, asking questions and, and then he realized, oh, boy, maybe I shouldn't be talking. And then if, you

00:44:29--> 00:45:00

know, after the Salah, the prophet will be so mad at me, he will yell at me, he will, he will, you know, he will not tell me off he would do this. He will do that. You know, she was really scared. So after the sun up, he was really, you know, scared and terrified. And then the Prophet asked who was the boy was talking and then he keeps an eye on sort of luck. And then the Prophet Mohammed as I said nicely, he says, I did not he did not scream. He did not yell. He did not punch or beat me up or anything. He used very beautiful

00:45:00--> 00:45:37

voice he used very tone you know like a low tone with me when he says dishonor it is meant for test B that B and nothing else you know once in the Sunday Cannot you know you shouldn't be talking that's how he you know corrected that mistake so seven we mentioned stories like that before if you remember I mentioned many stories you know of examples of how the Prophet Mohammed as I said you know dealt with certain situations in fact I want to share with you another story and this comes under the these methods I'm going to be giving you a method number one is Can you forgive forgive

00:45:39--> 00:45:41

before you punish try to forgive so this is number one

00:45:42--> 00:46:21

for his one called the mean a low value low and if he Nan in one love who you are, hey, boom what seanie those who repressed anger your child did something really bad your teenager son, your adult son daughter right? Did something really bad that you felt like they have broken all types of rules and you need to punish them or somehow right so those are repressed anger Allah subhana wa tada says, so no longer is number 134. Those are repressed anger and those who pardon those who pardoned number one your pardon. Let me give you an example. An example was infected maca.

00:46:22--> 00:46:24

dreamfit Emeka

00:46:26--> 00:46:27

came a man

00:46:29--> 00:46:51

as the Prophet Mohammed as I said, forgive forgive operation you know forgive them those are his own you know relatives people that you know from what he kicked him out when he came back. You know, he could have taken his revenge yet so so he decided to forgive them. Some of them came a man by the name of full Donna forgot a man by the name of Allah. Because Allah Yama, fashion Mecca.

00:46:52--> 00:47:09

But then after, after the Prophet forgave and everything, this man came with a knife. He wanted to kill Prophet Mohammed Salah Larsson, and he's behind the Prophet Mohammed officer is hiding his knife. The Prophet turned to him, he saw him. He says beema

00:47:11--> 00:47:14

beema or for Donna?

00:47:15--> 00:47:17

We've had to have this to kind of soak.

00:47:19--> 00:47:22

What is your neffs? What is your soul telling you to do all for Donna?

00:47:24--> 00:47:38

photolysis I'm just making the call holla but who is he talking to? He's talking to Prophet Mohammed. This is not a regular man. This is not as you know, just a man. He is a prophet. He gets revelations. The Prophet knew for data

00:47:40--> 00:47:45

to help you to kind of soak What is your next telling you to do? Is I'm just making the call of Allah.

00:47:46--> 00:47:54

Then for that I said this is for Allah His narrating he says then the Prophet he smiled at me, impetus Emma He smiled at me

00:47:55--> 00:48:02

while Carla it tequila hyah for dollar for dollar feel Allah. He said oh for dolla feel Allah

00:48:03--> 00:48:14

and he started touching my chest. And then he's you know, wiping on my chest and caressing it and he says oh four dolla dolla it tequila,

00:48:16--> 00:48:23

tequila fear Allah and he's doing this to him. For that I said, Can a bubble nurse inessa la

00:48:24--> 00:48:59

Cana Ababa, la isla de su masala, a head of Isla De Fuca he said that Mohammed, someone listening he was the most hated man on earth from in my heart. I hated him the most on earth. And after that, I loved him the most on Earth. Yeah, and on earth, there was nobody else I love the most. The Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu said, but Mohammed knew that this man had a knife and he wanted to kill him. But he smiled. And he started you know, wiping on his chest. So

00:49:01--> 00:49:07

this is option number one. Forgive option number two.

00:49:08--> 00:49:21

Share your feelings. This is I'm talking about you know, before using punishment, these are methods to be used before using punishments. I said punishment is the very last resort. Right?

00:49:22--> 00:49:38

Your kid did something really terrible, and they deserve to be punished. What are some of the preliminaries actions? These are some of the preliminary section that you could use? Number one, forgive? Number two, use your feelings and share your feelings.

00:49:39--> 00:49:54

You know, what does this do to your children or sharing your feelings with them? Something like I'm really sad. I'm really disappointed. I'm really disappointed not at you my son or my daughter. I'm disappointed at me. Me the dad me the mom.

00:49:56--> 00:49:59

I'm disappointed in myself because I did not know how to

00:50:00--> 00:50:01

I failed.

00:50:03--> 00:50:12

I'm upset that myself not at you because I failed as a dad, I failed as a mom and you show that you're really sad, you're really disappointed. Share your feelings.

00:50:15--> 00:50:34

I'm not going to talk about his problem and what he did or what she did, I'm going to talk about me and my feelings. This isn't an option you could use, you could use that. I'm just gonna focus on how sad I am, how disappointed I am how upset I am not at him or her, but at myself at yourself.

00:50:36--> 00:50:38

That actually,

00:50:39--> 00:50:47

it just causes them so much pain from inside, they may not show it to you, they will go to the room and they will think about it. I made my mom sad.

00:50:48--> 00:50:50

I made my dad disappointed.

00:50:52--> 00:50:53

This is number two.

00:50:57--> 00:51:06

You know what? I just saw the law. I know. He used to work at the house of the Prophet. So he was 10 years old. And you know when your 10 year old you could make mistakes.

00:51:07--> 00:51:13

Prophet Mohammed one day he gave him some money says gone, you know by so in this, you know, by some, you needed some

00:51:14--> 00:51:17

something you know from the market, go and get it for me.

00:51:19--> 00:51:28

And as he got late Prophet Mohammed went out into the streets of Medina. And then he saw him playing. He saw an aspirin with kids.

00:51:30--> 00:51:54

You send your kid to run around. And then you see your kids playing outside and then you're needed what they know you needed that thing that you sent into by you. You needed it. But he just forgot about it. And he went to play his 10 year old kid, for God's sake. You know, his loving adult, his 10 year old. He forgot he was playing with kids in the Prophet get angry. They start beating them up and slapping and

00:51:56--> 00:52:00

he went to him. He stood behind him. And then Ellis looked at him.

00:52:02--> 00:52:06

He looked in front Prophet Mohammed behind him. He says, and

00:52:07--> 00:52:15

then I send you to take care of so and so and such and such. says Oh, yes, yes. Hola. I'm going right now. I'm going right now.

00:52:16--> 00:52:28

And I said his Ennis, when he reads the story when he became old. He there is that he says, You know, I worked with and I lived with Prophet Mohammed, you know, for 10 years. I've never heard him yelling or scolding me.

00:52:31--> 00:52:32

He never scolded me.

00:52:33--> 00:52:44

10 years old. He's 10 years old is you know, he could be naughty. He says the Prophet Mohammed never scolded me, or told me, why didn't you do so? And so why didn't you at least?

00:52:46--> 00:53:00

That's number two. Number three, method number three, something that you could use instead of punishment. Number three, motivate them. Once you've had your kids, motivate them with what with money? Maybe sometimes Why not?

00:53:01--> 00:53:08

motivate them with what with initiatives? incentives? Yes. Why not? Why not?

00:53:09--> 00:53:32

If you see, I mean, if you see the very well known pious predecessor from the past, you know, the very we're not no dream translation book by ABCD. Very well known in dream interpretations. He's in his urbanicity is from the pious predecessors of UCD. He used to give his child one day to him, whenever he memorizes an ayah from

00:53:34--> 00:53:37

whenever he memorizes like a sore thumb, and he gives him one did him

00:53:39--> 00:54:03

motivate them? Would you raise your children if you were to memorize this, if you were to do this, I will give you you know, but don't make it the habit every time you have to all you know, you have to give me so I can do this for you don't make it a habit. But from time to time you can motivate them with Sharla this summer, I would get you into this youth camp you want us to go to that youth camp. I will charlo Tyler enroll you into boot camp right motivate them

00:54:05--> 00:54:33

you want that Heather part in shallow data we will have that Hello party once you're done with your house, we will have that Halloween party chamo data once you're done with your program, then the shallow title once you get that in Charlotte, I will get this for you inshallah you want to buy that I will no but you get this job, motivate them use some sort of incentives to motivate your children. That's method number three, method number four, fix the problem yourself or fix the problem together.

00:54:35--> 00:54:59

fix the problem together. He broke something right and he does not know how to fix it and he was not so supposed to do so right he just made a mistake or he was not paying attention he was careless he broke it or he you know whatever. go fix the problem together. Don't just tell him why no no it was your brain was your mind. Where was your head? Well, you always careless while you're always hitless. fix the problem.

00:55:00--> 00:55:03

together. That's, that's method number four.

00:55:04--> 00:55:30

method number five. It's called parent teen or bonding or parents bonding. What does that mean parents bonding. When was the last time you and your child Louie or your daughter, you and your I'm talking about before colonna right before the lockdown. The last time you went on the bonding with your son would your daughter on a maybe going out for coffee or tea or juice or

00:55:32--> 00:55:33

just on the walk?

00:55:34--> 00:56:20

spent some time together just bonding together on outing together with your son and then you talk with your daughter talk out. Prophet Mohammed used to do it. He used to do it with a boy he needed to the NSA needed to do more add it to the best of my best he took them out into the outskirts and then on the way as they're walking out, and then he would tell them some advice. Some Lola you said When was the last time you bonded with your child? You dated your child? Yeah. Date dated every evening does not mean I'm bonding with them here at home. We bonded together no bonding means you're bummed out. outside. Yes, yes, we bonded together, you know, together front of the TV. We bought in

00:56:20--> 00:56:56

front of the TV. No, that does not No, no, no, no, I'm not talking about that bond in front of the TV or front of this or on the home. I'm talking about an outing outside with your children, to teach them something to give them an advice. But that advice outside, right. So these are some of the methods that you could use. But if you decide that, you know, as a chef, I've done everything. I've done everything, everything. And they must be they need to be punished. They need to be punished. I will tell you maybe five action items to do before you punish your children.

00:56:57--> 00:57:25

Because you said I've used everything I've used bonding have used forgiving of us correcting the mistakes together. I've used motivating. I've used I've used all these methods share was something you thought of and something you need to mention. I've used so many things, you name it. I mentioned I did it, right. I've used everything but this that they have done, they really required to be punished. They have to be punished.

00:57:26--> 00:57:35

So if you are adamant on punishing them, here are maybe five or six points to do before you punish them.

00:57:37--> 00:58:22

Write them down, write them down. Are you taking notes sisters and brothers, those of you on Instagram, Instagram right here, those of you on Facebook, I'm going to share with you some five or six pointers to do right before you punish them because as you said, I'm going to punish them. Okay, you want to punish them right? Before you punish them. I'm going to share with you five or six pointers to do right before you punish them. You're going to punish them. We agree you're going to punish them. But here are five or six pointers. Do them before you punish them. Right Are you guys ready? writing them down? writing them down? Definitely Cliff we have definitely cliffy Are you guys

00:58:22--> 00:58:22

ready?

00:58:24--> 00:58:33

You guys are not ready? You're not even taking notes. Are you taking notes? I'm gonna give you something like gold now. gold gold like literally gold.

00:58:34--> 00:58:35

Literally gold.

00:58:36--> 00:58:42

Yes, me. Mariana Medina, Mohammed. All right.

00:58:43--> 00:58:46

They love it. They have ready that's Damn it.

00:58:49--> 00:58:55

All right, well, I guess you the only one who smelled it was romaine.

00:58:56--> 00:59:41

I may have smelled it. It is definitely a cliffhanger for tomorrow inshallah hutan. For tomorrow, make sure you come and tomorrow it will be again about parenting both inshallah who Tada. Bring your children. Bring your children tomorrow. They've got to come and listen to this inshallah to Allah because tomorrow section and session will be about parents together. We spoke about children. We spoke about parents. We spoke about moms. We spoke about dads. Now we're going to speak about the parents together. charlo Tada. It is a cliffhanger. We will meet you tomorrow shallow Tanna at six o'clock pm eastern time. Live in a block peak. pm UK time for Episode Number 11 of homemade

00:59:41--> 00:59:57

happiness. It was great seeing you all it was great. Being back again. Is that common law fair brothers and sisters is the gram will go off in 98765 is Aquila hair salon Malika hotlanta Hello volcat Santa Monica hotline.

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So I might come on

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Facebook I will see you tomorrow. Sharla hotel Santa Monica hot lava cat