Reda Bedeir – Have You Completed Half Of Your Deen

Reda Bedeir
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The importance of marriage in Islam is discussed, along with the responsibility of marriage and avoiding conflict. The speakers emphasize the need for independence and avoiding conflict, as well as the benefits of marriage, including financial and physical means. They also touch on the negative impact of people not knowing the names of women and the importance of understanding and embracing emotions in relationships. The importance of forgiveness and respecting people in marriage is also emphasized. The conversation shifts to the importance of sharing information and avoiding bias in the workplace, as well as the need for a culture of trust and respect in relationships.

AI: Summary ©

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			Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu
		
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			salam
		
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			ala.
		
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			So
		
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			the talk is entitled Have you completed your vignette?
		
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			Some people might be confused.
		
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			But let me ask a very straightforward question. This is why I have jellybeans in my head?
		
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			How many of you are
		
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			smiling?
		
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			This is going to give you a problem.
		
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			Okay, who is the oldest one right here?
		
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			Chocolate?
		
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			So
		
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			about manage?
		
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			What is managed?
		
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			And
		
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			why would they stay in the West all the time? are happy.
		
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			They see like their dads over time?
		
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			And
		
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			what are
		
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			the reasons? And the goals for marriage? And what should the person married? And how can the person
choose happiness
		
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			for the partner?
		
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			And what are some misconceptions about marriage, this is going to be the main
		
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			coverage. Tonight, I started this one time before I was on
		
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			the platform. This is part two for those who have attended part one.
		
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			Just be patient because you're gonna ramp it up to the first part that people who are here for the
first time in part one, so they know exactly what we'll be talking about. So these are the main
points what
		
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			what should I get married? What should I get out of marriage?
		
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			How can I choose the best spouse? how to go about finding such a spouse? And then we'll get into
curriculum curriculums conceptions about applying. So let's start with the first one.
		
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			What is marriage? Marriage in Islam is the only legal relationship between a man and a woman.
		
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			And if you compare this to the culture under which we live today,
		
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			people can have a relationship and starts with something called dating
		
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			in the morning.
		
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			So the idea of
		
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			the relationship between the man and the woman, because it's usually
		
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			as high or high school
		
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			is my friend.
		
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			What's your name? Mo
		
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			COVID used to be common, but now, you know, I've got a discount.
		
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			Because I'm hiding something.
		
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			Okay, so it is level of friendship between the genders.
		
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			Except if you are interested in someone, it ends up by going through the door, not through the
window, talking about when it comes to how should they approach marriage. So what's nice is that
		
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			it's the only legal relationship.
		
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			Second, it's a kingdom
		
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			of the man, you know, it might not have
		
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			even been straight here, okay. It's a thing of faith in which there is a man
		
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			and a woman called the queen and they live together in this dunya to end up
		
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			not the way it is, again under the possible to live today. What's the relationship between man and
the woman?
		
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			It's always competitive, right? Man is up there. So try
		
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			To compete with
		
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			Allah subhanaw taala criterion number on
		
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			in so
		
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			and as number 13 have lots of panel data set
		
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			talking about Adam
		
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			and Eve are working a lot better than Steve right?
		
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			So lots of other folks and this is by saying
		
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			four numbers at
		
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			the end of which
		
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			all mankind we have created a single layer
		
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			not to
		
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			manipulate one another
		
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			to get to know one another.
		
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			And
		
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			in
		
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			the most honorable amongst
		
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			the most not feeling the most pious those who have
		
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			before
		
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			did I
		
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			know the meaning of
		
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			what happened?
		
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			Okay.
		
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			So
		
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			marriage is a serious commitment, because many people today, and that's why I have noticed, and most
of the communities where I live in the West.
		
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			And after three months, or six months, or sometimes a year, they come to me, and the vet says,
		
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			I want to do this anymore. And then the sister says, I think I was not ready.
		
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			So I want to get out of this. It's not a game. It's not an overnight relationship.
		
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			It's not even a word. Some people think it's a sentence, it's a life sentence.
		
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			So when you get into college, you should know that it's not an overnight relationship. It's not a
kind of a weekend clinical technical to go home. And that's it. And some people go into marriage
thinking, you know, what, marriage is gonna be all fun.
		
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			Together, you know, enjoy.
		
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			And then we'll stablish the right pair together. And life would be very easy and simple. And then
one once they get into the marriage, and you know, you have to pay the rent.
		
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			Or you have to buy diapers, oh,
		
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			you have sometimes too delicious to help on the map. So.
		
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			Okay, so it's a big responsibility. This is why I decided, wherever I live, if anybody comes to me
to compute the manage conflict for the master, you have to attend my class about manage and you have
to pass it to attend the class. Okay, I'm going to talk and they sit there smiling. How was it
wonderful, okay, is it that's
		
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			because you have to know what marriage is all about, from A to Z, so that you know what to expect in
marriage.
		
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			Again, we have to understand that the relationship between the man and the woman is that they
		
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			are which means the conflict,
		
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			not the fact that they compete with one another.
		
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			Because when it comes to, again, the culture in which we live, it's like a competition. He has the
degree I have to have that.
		
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			5060 everything, notice that the mind is completely responsible for everything.
		
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			Financially, he is obliged to, you know, provide for all the needs of the family.
		
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			If the woman contributes out of her own free will, that's something that she's doing. And this is
why we're in the process of them, you know, commanded the young people to
		
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			show up, as we'll be talking in a few minutes, most of our army
		
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			or young men, whoever has the financial and physical means to money, lets you manage,
		
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			swimming.
		
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			So you can just start running, and then you live in the basement of your dad. And they expect you to
pay the money for me.
		
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			Because they're going to make the decisions for you. Because they get interfering everything in your
life.
		
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			If you want to start a new family and be happy, you have to be independent. I'm not saying to cut
off your relationship with your parents, no, but to be independent, because most of the problems and
most of the divorces happen because of the interference of the in laws.
		
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			And when people don't know the difference between the inflows and
		
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			outflows of almost one.
		
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			So if we understand that the relationship between the man and the woman and establish that they
complete one another, not that they compete with one another, they established establish that
relationship upon the pillar that was
		
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			specified, as you will see, in the coming slides.
		
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			You have to answer all these questions before you complete the
		
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			work. What
		
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			was marriage? As we talked about? What to expect the marriage? When, when should I get married?
		
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			Why money?
		
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			Because some people don't even know the goals of marriage. They never get to one go to Worlds, there
are so many benefits. So we'll see.
		
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			How, how should I approach the idea of mileage?
		
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			Who should I marry?
		
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			And also watch the delivery?
		
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			We're gonna be talking about so is it important to answer all these questions before I departed?
Yes.
		
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			Once I get back,
		
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			the promises have answered this question in the hurry.
		
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			just telling you about all young men.
		
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			Why can the professor say
		
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			that?
		
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			When they say oh, young men and women, because who's supposed to be proposing who's supposed to take
the initiative when it comes to marriage?
		
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			Right. But one of the misconceptions can a woman propose to add
		
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			tension? Yes, yes. As another signal.
		
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			Okay, so we have a liberal schools and a conservative school. Let's talk about this because this is
the misconception, but to tell you the right answer is yes. For how we're going to talk about
		
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			that.
		
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			So the purpose of this because it is suppose the default is that the man is the one who
		
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			has the upper hand he is the one who goes and proposes okay.
		
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			So this was
		
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			all young men.
		
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			So it means the financial and the physical means he is physically mature, and is financially able to
provide for the family.
		
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			So let him marry. Why?
		
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			Because it helps the person to lower his gaze and to keep chased.
		
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			Then the
		
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			knew that there will be some young people who will not be able. So as long as you're not able to
wait, this is why we're answering the question, when should I get money? Is it for men
		
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			and for those who do not have the financial means, or they're not physically, you know, mature,
		
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			that it was sold for
		
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			them fast because fasting would be like a shield for them to fall into the power.
		
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			So this is the answer from the processor, which is
		
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			After which you can analyze this. So, the person should be, we should look about we should look for
maturity. And we will say maturity it means physically, also emotionally, mentally, and financially.
And you have to have these four, very clear in your mind, because some people are physically mature,
but mentally they are not.
		
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			Some people are physically mature, but emotionally they are not.
		
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			And some people have the three, but they're not financially ready.
		
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			And these are recipes for the failure of the mind.
		
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			Because sometimes
		
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			people even don't know the differences between how
		
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			men
		
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			because men, by nature are more visual than audio. But women are more of you than visual. What does
this mean?
		
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			The way to the woman's heart passes through the ears. And this is why sometimes you find a very
beautiful woman might be happy man.
		
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			Simply because he's a sweet talker. He gets lots of love.
		
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			He knows how to always express his emotions, because we are used in our culture, not to express our
emotions.
		
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			Right?
		
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			They will never agree. I'll give me an example.
		
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			You know, I've
		
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			so many of the problems that come to me, the spouses, they would come. And no one would say, you
know, he never talks to me. This
		
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			is an emotional breakdown. There's no communication for the last 10 years.
		
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			He doesn't express his emotions to me.
		
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			So
		
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			I asked him, I remember one time.
		
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			I asked the man I said, When was the last time that your wife I love you.
		
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			You want me to say to my wife, I love you.
		
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			What's the neighbor?
		
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			Even in southern Minnesota?
		
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			Why?
		
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			Why do you know that women love by the ears.
		
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			And then I told them I said, our beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam expressed his emotions
to Isaiah in front of
		
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			Morocco,
		
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			in order to pay one time for one of the expeditions and use the leader. And because the process
Sahaba in a failed way is to smile at them, when he talks to them is to look at all of the what is
Poppy. So every single person thought that his life past the most.
		
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			And I was one of them.
		
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			So he came from the expedition, he was victorious. Sikkim in front of everyone, he said,
		
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			Who is the most relevant one to your heart in front of everyone. He said
		
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			the name he didn't say my wife. Today, we don't say the name of the wife of the mother and the
mothers is walking the street explosive, most of our body, so ashamed to say the name that is
exposing the body.
		
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			You see the politics and understanding in the culture.
		
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			I saw this with my own eyes. One time I was walking in the streets of Cairo, and somebody was
calling his mother
		
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			and the man in the bathroom.
		
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			And then all of a sudden a woman came and she's just like, you know, in a way that's not appropriate
to come in and be like,
		
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			should you want me to say the name of my mother
		
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			around the terminal exposing the body.
		
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			This is culture who said that we know the names of all the ones
		
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			who know the name.
		
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			Change the culture. So they don't feel ashamed to say I don't like each other most. Listen, there's
something even more embarrassing than he said.
		
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			I don't mean amongst the men
		
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			Women
		
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			have said,
		
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			so please change the culture, because it makes them
		
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			want to know the end of the story.
		
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			There's a possible divide.
		
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			Okay. So again, men should know the big difference between the way.
		
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			Whereas, you know, when we say women walk by the IRS will walk by their eyes, you want to see
something beautiful.
		
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			And this is why one of the main complaints that come to me is that the sisters after what, you know,
567 years of marriage, she gets to, you know,
		
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			she gets so busy with
		
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			them for hours an hour.
		
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			She put some weight, you know, she put this to adorn herself for her husband, she comes back home,
and you know, it's like still in the sort of the kitchen with garlic.
		
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			Hey, honey, we'll come back. We're gonna say later later.
		
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			You know what he does? He goes to the room comes out. And the 24 year old pajamas. He never changed
those two jobs for 24 years. And he comes out.
		
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			She buys him stuff and she was thrown away.
		
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			We need to divide our life. Okay.
		
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			If you want to see her
		
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			beautiful, you should also look
		
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			around the man. Okay. So what
		
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			if not bad for the university, like
		
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			photos like this?
		
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			And
		
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			he was like, you know, combing his hair, and like, you know, wearing perfume. And he said, Now, this
is the
		
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			one
		
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			roof
		
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			that exactly entitled to what you want from them with kindness in the way you treat them. So if you
want to look beautiful, the beautiful.
		
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			Okay, do this.
		
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			Because sometimes you become very negative. and sisters, they don't know this. And this is why, you
know, when they
		
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			watch the movie, and they don't they watch it when he watches the movie. You know, usually when a
woman comes
		
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			right?
		
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			To the house when they do this.
		
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			And he is charged they are like outside in the street at work industry with St. Louis. So you have
to be the best.
		
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			So we need to understand this. So when I talk about maturity, I'm talking about physically,
emotionally, mentally, and financial
		
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			assistance. don't hear this. Okay. Brothers. Do you know what a woman needs from marriage?
		
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			This is very important to know.
		
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			Secrets. The woman expects a triple a password.
		
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			A triple A husband you normally when you go to school, you know a students are the best. Right? So
they want a lot they want a hospitalist.
		
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			But I don't mean that.
		
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			When I say AAA each A stands for something.
		
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			woman looked for affection. That's what I was saying.
		
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			How much does Jesus say about
		
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			how long does it take you to talk to your boss over the phone? Sometimes 55 minutes. Can you give
five seconds you're right on the way back home. So
		
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			you make the day
		
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			even those Three little monkeys are at the phone. They're giving her a hard time for hours and
hours. Once she hears that statement
		
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			or at least he thinks about me before coming
		
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			Have,
		
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			you might buy a flower for 50 cents, and about cheap sometimes.
		
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			Okay?
		
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			If you had a fight that
		
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			that flower will solve all the problems,
		
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			not how much cheaper sorry, how much is the flower, which is going to think, again, thank you for
the gift, not for how much is it
		
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			that we thought about.
		
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			So the first day is called a picture, showing the above in words, and in action.
		
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			The second day
		
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			is called attention.
		
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			You know, your wife, even though she's having a hard time, if she works, and she's having a hard
time, you know, when she has, like, you know, hard work with the kids at home too. And then she
tries her best. After eight hours, you're away from the house, and she's, she's waiting for you, and
you open the door, and she's waiting for you, you know, nicely dressed, smells nice with a smile on
the face. And he goes,
		
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			why she don't love this,
		
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			she wants your attention.
		
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			Again, some of us because we have a problem at work.
		
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			from work,
		
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			you should leave your problems at work outside the house. Or at least if you want to discuss it to
get some advice from your partner in life. Maybe you just come back home with
		
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			a smile
		
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			is not
		
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			so
		
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			much. So when you smile, even though you have problems at work, she would appreciate that. Okay.
		
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			With a salon to stay in the house, and then a smile.
		
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			And just say
		
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			I missed you the whole
		
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			time said the lie. Lie Why is permissible? And the emotional?
		
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			What do you mean
		
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			to
		
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			say
		
00:27:50 --> 00:27:59
			this is what I'm saying? And don't stop in the, in the emotional fog. So for example, for example,
		
00:28:01 --> 00:28:02
			you know, when,
		
00:28:04 --> 00:28:10
			as I said before, when the woman you know, has like two or three children just starts putting up
some weight.
		
00:28:11 --> 00:28:15
			Right? So the men become very harsh. Instead of saying,
		
00:28:17 --> 00:28:19
			you know what, like, you know, you don't look healthy.
		
00:28:21 --> 00:28:21
			Fit,
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:24
			you know, you just let him to take care of yourself
		
00:28:26 --> 00:28:26
			and
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:38
			to be invited, and then encourage her to go to a gym or to do something, take some steps, okay.
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:49
			But we blame them for that. Even though some of the drama happens to them. They become seven months
pregnant.
		
00:28:51 --> 00:28:55
			Okay, but here's the big problem because women deliver by the end of the day,
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:57
			but will never deliver.
		
00:29:00 --> 00:29:02
			So what about you on demand?
		
00:29:06 --> 00:29:10
			So always think about the other party will always think about yourself.
		
00:29:14 --> 00:29:15
			Thank you.
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:22
			Okay, so the third egg is called appreciation.
		
00:29:23 --> 00:29:36
			So it's not by the way, it's not wrong. What is permissible between the two spouses. When it comes
to the emotional It's not wrong, for example, to say to your wife, you're the most beautiful person
on earth.
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:39
			When in fact, she's not
		
00:29:41 --> 00:29:46
			because she's gonna say in return, you're the most handsome man on earth.
		
00:29:47 --> 00:29:48
			And you're like seven months pregnant.
		
00:29:51 --> 00:29:59
			Okay, so there's nothing wrong in life when it comes to the emotional or when it comes to threats of
violence.
		
00:30:01 --> 00:30:03
			appreciation, appreciation,
		
00:30:04 --> 00:30:20
			he or she will be killing himself for hours in the kitchen to do the distance divide. And then he
come home, and he sit and eat, and just let him just leave. And sometimes she has to be one of the
kids to say, thank you so much.
		
00:30:22 --> 00:30:23
			You might think,
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:33
			how much will this cost you, this guy can appreciate you appreciate what she's doing. She spent four
hours to prep me for you.
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:40
			to please you, to make you smile to make you happy. And then you eat me. And sometimes
		
00:30:46 --> 00:30:48
			that's what you notice, what about the rest of the food?
		
00:30:50 --> 00:30:51
			Because you want to
		
00:30:53 --> 00:30:59
			stop being negative, appreciate something that she's doing for you. Also in return,
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:08
			you know, we must have been staying outside the house doing two jobs, two, sometimes three jobs.
		
00:31:10 --> 00:31:15
			Because you provide for our needs, does that provide provided us with a place to live?
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:24
			It goes both ways. But what I'm saying here, we're asking about what women care about most.
		
00:31:26 --> 00:31:30
			That's what a man would do like a bonus, after the triple A
		
00:31:31 --> 00:31:40
			accept that sometimes, as I said, you know, we go through things in our lives. Sometimes the woman
becomes sick or the man becomes sick, because of
		
00:31:42 --> 00:31:45
			the relationship that they have, you know, we accept each other.
		
00:31:47 --> 00:31:47
			Stop
		
00:31:48 --> 00:31:50
			stopping the time.
		
00:31:52 --> 00:32:00
			And do what you can do as a human being to change the situation, but then accept the person because,
you know, this is the way it is.
		
00:32:04 --> 00:32:05
			What about plenty
		
00:32:06 --> 00:32:11
			of existence, to know what many are domain knowledge.
		
00:32:15 --> 00:32:24
			This is very important. You know, the man wants to know that he's in control is the head of the
house. He wants to feel this whole time.
		
00:32:26 --> 00:32:26
			And this is why
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:28
			I
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:39
			always say establish a woman so power is a whole bunch of old women and
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:44
			men. Isn't this amazing? robots dictate
		
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48
			everything about women and the rights
		
00:32:51 --> 00:32:57
			in this number 30 for lots of purposes, and return home.
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:15
			And unfortunately, some people misinterpreted and Miss translate this is, for example, if you go to
the translation of what your mama told, he said, Men are superior to women. This is how translations
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:19
			are meaningless.
		
00:33:26 --> 00:33:29
			So the first translation for the word poem in October
		
00:33:32 --> 00:33:36
			is men are maintainers and predictors of woman
		
00:33:38 --> 00:33:45
			to maintain means to provide for and to protect against any evil
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48
			in any part
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:50
			of the public, which is
		
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52
			our job
		
00:33:54 --> 00:33:59
			specifies the job of the believer in this dunya it's so number 66
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:08
			you have children. We've had four or five comforts of coolness of the eye, and you have a moral
community.
		
00:34:10 --> 00:34:11
			Because if we don't have
		
00:34:12 --> 00:34:23
			will have taken and we are taking, we'll have 44 million single mothers living in the only
superpower in the world is moms. This is the follow up.
		
00:34:25 --> 00:34:27
			So we have a more community.
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:39
			And we have children most of the children. According to studies in psychology, most of the children
who become criminals are the children who are the fruit of that illegal relationship.
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:46
			Because when they come to the community didn't have a dad or a mom most of the time because they
throw them somewhere.
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:50
			So they want to be pinched from people.
		
00:34:52 --> 00:34:54
			But if somebody is raised
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:59
			in a legal relationship in a healthy relationship, they're supposed to be good.
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:02
			members of the community. So
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:08
			what shall we get out of marriage?
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:16
			in sort of football for over 25 and over 74 describes, and
		
00:35:17 --> 00:35:25
			there are many parts of them. Is it one of the qualities, you know, is that the big bar and those
who say,
		
00:35:27 --> 00:35:28
			Our Lord,
		
00:35:30 --> 00:35:34
			bestow on us from our wives have learned as well, Gina,
		
00:35:36 --> 00:35:39
			you know, the corners of our eyes, many children
		
00:35:41 --> 00:35:41
			watch
		
00:35:43 --> 00:35:47
			the movie in a manner and make us leaders to those who have.
		
00:35:49 --> 00:35:55
			It's very, very beautiful. He didn't say what I'm talking about.
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:00
			When you ask
		
00:36:02 --> 00:36:07
			for the highest, how can somebody be the leaders of the pious,
		
00:36:08 --> 00:36:08
			pious
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:13
			You see, the aim here to China
		
00:36:15 --> 00:36:26
			are amongst the most again, don't make us live in a manner, but the readers of the topic. So we have
to be and we'll have so many we'll
		
00:36:29 --> 00:36:38
			see how his time is encouraging to be a good member of the committee and all people around. So, this
is one of the fruits of
		
00:36:39 --> 00:36:47
			your wife, your husband, children, who are in the comfort of the eye of the coolness of the eyes,
and you will end up having
		
00:36:49 --> 00:36:49
			So,
		
00:36:52 --> 00:36:54
			what else do I get out of manage
		
00:36:55 --> 00:36:56
			quality here
		
00:36:58 --> 00:36:58
			love
		
00:36:59 --> 00:37:00
			mercy
		
00:37:02 --> 00:37:02
			room
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:04
			you will find a lot of
		
00:37:06 --> 00:37:06
			it
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:11
			2018
		
00:37:16 --> 00:37:24
			and one of the signs of a loss of data is that he created for you from you why because he was part
of it.
		
00:37:26 --> 00:37:29
			Right? So you respond to him?
		
00:37:30 --> 00:37:33
			He was part of it. How intimate is that?
		
00:37:37 --> 00:37:39
			And then I mentioned the two pillars.
		
00:37:41 --> 00:37:41
			He said
		
00:37:43 --> 00:37:44
			and he plays the heart
		
00:37:46 --> 00:37:46
			what's
		
00:37:47 --> 00:37:49
			the highest degree of love
		
00:37:54 --> 00:37:55
			Okay, if I say the word
		
00:37:58 --> 00:38:00
			love how would you translate this
		
00:38:03 --> 00:38:04
			write a lot of
		
00:38:06 --> 00:38:06
			hope but
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:09
			you know why?
		
00:38:10 --> 00:38:18
			Because it's the highest use of the word the word that is the highest deliver this is why one of the
names of Allah subhanaw taala is at the bottom
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:29
			is the highest deliver because what is the most even though we used to survey them, but he still
forgives us and is waiting for us to go back to them.
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:36
			And we can you can see this at the beginning of marriage
		
00:38:39 --> 00:38:55
			engagement before right and this is equal to right but with certain restrictions. So during the
engagement phase you can see this law and you can see the slaughter in the first year but maybe
gradually second your budget becomes
		
00:38:57 --> 00:39:01
			and then sometimes that goes to the children and you will find a way of
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:05
			living with him only because of the children
		
00:39:09 --> 00:39:11
			okay when he hears that he said like what
		
00:39:13 --> 00:39:17
			Okay, why? Because the power they are not limited
		
00:39:26 --> 00:39:26
			by
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:31
			the past
		
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35
			which will generally
		
00:39:37 --> 00:39:39
			fall short they
		
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41
			come on
		
00:39:42 --> 00:39:47
			the train. What do you think he's gonna do if he even brings his bs
		
00:39:50 --> 00:39:51
			the day
		
00:40:08 --> 00:40:09
			Okay, let's do this.
		
00:40:12 --> 00:40:12
			Okay.
		
00:40:16 --> 00:40:17
			What do you think about this? I'm just kidding.
		
00:40:18 --> 00:40:26
			Okay? What do you look for, in a husband or wife, it should come from both ways. And then get
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:29
			to know exactly how he would
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:32
			be what
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:47
			your life or even is now my cousin is a very good person. She has no idea that he should do
something. He always expects the staff to do something for him. So you can tell about the character
of the person? If it's not something to
		
00:40:50 --> 00:40:53
			tell me the last time you got it, and why?
		
00:40:55 --> 00:40:56
			When my dad
		
00:40:58 --> 00:41:09
			So you knew how silly the person is, or what I just had her for two days, because I was sick. So you
can know the person that you're going to deal with?
		
00:41:12 --> 00:41:18
			What am I upset with me, I couldn't sleep. As I was, I was really, really angry with myself.
		
00:41:21 --> 00:41:30
			When I missed my word of the day, before I speak every day, so you can know what type of person
they're going to be living the rest of your life?
		
00:41:32 --> 00:41:34
			What's the hardest thing for you to follow?
		
00:41:36 --> 00:41:37
			And why?
		
00:41:41 --> 00:41:43
			How often do you wake up for pleasure?
		
00:41:48 --> 00:41:48
			So you can tell
		
00:41:52 --> 00:42:00
			if you were to invite a group of people to a wedding, whether it be your friends, or family, why?
Because some people sometimes Unfortunately, they are ashamed
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:03
			to hide?
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:19
			Are you a better listener, or a speaker? And you can you can tell during the engagement that
somebody never gives you the chance to speak?
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:26
			You know what I just want, but let me tell you, and this can I of course, you can. Let me finish.
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:28
			Oh, my goodness.
		
00:42:30 --> 00:42:35
			Give me a chance to talk. Okay, so that will give you an idea.
		
00:42:38 --> 00:42:44
			Some more questions. If you get into an argument, how do you sit, separate,
		
00:42:45 --> 00:42:47
			get out of the house,
		
00:42:48 --> 00:42:49
			or go live online.
		
00:42:52 --> 00:42:59
			Or when we have a blocks of time or die as our judge and processor as I mentioned,
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:00
			before I
		
00:43:05 --> 00:43:05
			even go
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:09
			for
		
00:43:12 --> 00:43:14
			what was so important to
		
00:43:16 --> 00:43:17
			your true believers.
		
00:43:18 --> 00:43:26
			Take all your problems back to Allah. This is why I always say in marriage, if there are any
problems, take them back to the man who feels
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:30
			to take him to the angels.
		
00:43:31 --> 00:43:34
			Because sometimes that interferes.
		
00:43:36 --> 00:43:37
			Make it more work.
		
00:43:41 --> 00:43:47
			Would you like to be independent or to be taken care of. So you know, the fact that you're going to
be dealing with
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:50
			some people say you know, my mom, she always
		
00:43:51 --> 00:43:53
			makes decisions for me.
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:08
			When you are upset, how do you communicate?
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:12
			When you start yelling and hitting?
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:17
			Respect the person and might just like be silent or leave the house or
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:21
			change the position. And then later on,
		
00:44:22 --> 00:44:22
			we'll
		
00:44:23 --> 00:44:25
			discuss things wisely.
		
00:44:28 --> 00:44:34
			If something is bothering you, how long would it take you to bring it up? Some people keep it for
ages.
		
00:44:36 --> 00:44:43
			And you always remind him that when you fight and then the fight is over, and fights are the spice
of life anyway.
		
00:44:44 --> 00:44:47
			Okay, so when there's a fight,
		
00:44:48 --> 00:44:57
			and also that the husband was wrong, he brings like your submissive role, or whatever it is. You
know? It's like I'm sorry.
		
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59
			Okay. Forgive me.
		
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03
			And then the next month.
		
00:45:06 --> 00:45:11
			And there's another fight and the word starts. And then the man.
		
00:45:12 --> 00:45:13
			Again.
		
00:45:15 --> 00:45:19
			I'm sorry, but last month, please will you forgive me? Yeah.
		
00:45:22 --> 00:45:25
			And this difference between young and young
		
00:45:27 --> 00:45:28
			is to forgive but to keep them
		
00:45:30 --> 00:45:30
			from the heart.
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:35
			So we should learn how to forgive and forgive because allowing,
		
00:45:39 --> 00:45:39
			he didn't say.
		
00:45:41 --> 00:45:43
			So we should learn how to forgive and
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:46
			forget.
		
00:45:47 --> 00:46:00
			And don't keep it for a long time, because one of the big problems in marriages is that we live very
small things to pile up until they build a wall between the hospital and it becomes no
communication.
		
00:46:04 --> 00:46:08
			But if you bring it up in a nice way, after a week or something, it's killed.
		
00:46:09 --> 00:46:09
			While
		
00:46:13 --> 00:46:14
			watching worst habit
		
00:46:18 --> 00:46:20
			is a one day one they used to pray about seeing the light
		
00:46:23 --> 00:46:24
			in
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:34
			the light, right. So and and the wife would take this for like, you know, a week or two among two
seconds mechanic in order
		
00:46:36 --> 00:46:48
			to talk to you and the pulse of the industry here. Okay, and then next day, same thing, the same
thing. So these things, okay. And we have to be considerate of other people's feelings.
		
00:46:51 --> 00:46:56
			So know your, you know, your worst habits and try to get rid of them?
		
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59
			What's your banking account number
		
00:47:06 --> 00:47:08
			of misconceptions about mental
		
00:47:11 --> 00:47:15
			power proposed to a man, I asked this question in the beginning, the answer is yes.
		
00:47:16 --> 00:47:20
			But because sometimes what comes up above negates
		
00:47:23 --> 00:47:26
			how to speed up by for example, let's say that,
		
00:47:28 --> 00:47:30
			okay. And that's
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:42
			in that family is a good man. And he's going to be a good person. So she can approach her father, or
brother or uncle and say, you know, that
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:48
			I would like to marry a man like him. So he's interested, I was
		
00:47:49 --> 00:47:49
			particularly
		
00:47:51 --> 00:47:51
			interested.
		
00:47:53 --> 00:47:56
			Because the most distinguishing thing a woman is
		
00:47:58 --> 00:48:06
			the shape, okay? And can a man go and try to find a husband for his daughter?
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:09
			That would help
		
00:48:11 --> 00:48:16
			her husband, if he went to work alone? And he asked him
		
00:48:21 --> 00:48:23
			and he didn't say anything.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:32
			And then he went on to say that, would you marry my daughter? And
		
00:48:34 --> 00:48:34
			he said,
		
00:48:35 --> 00:48:36
			I was more upset.
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:39
			At least above didn't say anything.
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:42
			And then he said, I will.
		
00:48:44 --> 00:48:45
			I propose to
		
00:48:49 --> 00:48:50
			sit No.
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:56
			House some
		
00:48:59 --> 00:49:00
			kind of model.
		
00:49:04 --> 00:49:05
			Because the demand
		
00:49:11 --> 00:49:18
			and supply what would they asked you that when you asked her? Later on, he said, Why didn't you talk
with him? Because I heard
		
00:49:20 --> 00:49:24
			he mentioned the name one time, but why it's my phone.
		
00:49:25 --> 00:49:25
			And
		
00:49:27 --> 00:49:27
			I was like,
		
00:49:33 --> 00:49:38
			does culture matter in marriage? It does, as long as it does.
		
00:49:40 --> 00:49:44
			Today, we respect culture more than we respect
		
00:49:46 --> 00:49:47
			and everything.
		
00:49:48 --> 00:49:49
			Unfortunately,
		
00:49:51 --> 00:49:56
			tip those that who Alaska Have mercy on so we need always to ask a lot.
		
00:49:57 --> 00:49:59
			Then whatever we do culture that does not
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:02
			During the day, we'll probably like one, give me an example.
		
00:50:06 --> 00:50:15
			This is culture, right? And some people don't know they put the rain even in the right hand side if
the person is engaged
		
00:50:17 --> 00:50:24
			and engaged with the movement to the left, and you know, sometimes will become very serious about
the
		
00:50:28 --> 00:50:30
			cage in prison, okay, so.
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:35
			So the idea is this is culture, okay? Does this
		
00:50:37 --> 00:50:37
			work?
		
00:50:40 --> 00:50:42
			But if it becomes, either because
		
00:50:43 --> 00:50:47
			some of this concert, some people what they do, they write the names.
		
00:50:48 --> 00:50:49
			So she would write his name.
		
00:50:53 --> 00:51:03
			And then they think when you do this, if he takes it off his head, something will happen to them.
That's very dangerous. If you believe that this
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:09
			will be the only means that will keep your husband. So you believe that this is equal to
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:10
			Allah.
		
00:51:12 --> 00:51:12
			Allah
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:22
			is just culture. Okay, so the culture does not fit. That's fine. But if it becomes Arkema, then no,
no way.
		
00:51:25 --> 00:51:28
			Should the story proceed the right, this is
		
00:51:30 --> 00:51:35
			what will lie you a module I'm telling you, most of the mannequins that were based on that.
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:46
			And we almost did this from the Romans, who always did this, because we watch lots of movies, which
are never, never ever.
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:48
			And in fact,
		
00:51:49 --> 00:52:11
			they make it impossible for people to think about money, because you see that, you know, the palace
in the mansion they live in, you know, and you see how, you know, they do lots of power before they
get ready. Because they don't want to mother for a long time without the knowledge of the power. And
they might end up doing harm. And that, you know, man sometimes leaves her.
		
00:52:14 --> 00:52:18
			So the best way is to do things the right way.
		
00:52:19 --> 00:52:24
			And what he loved comes and grows along with the decision.
		
00:52:26 --> 00:52:37
			As long as you made the right choice from the beginning, if you choose the woman who has been as a
priority, everything else comes second. And if you choose the man who has the
		
00:52:39 --> 00:52:53
			love will grow and grow and grow, and your wife will be very happy. And what's more important, as I
said, at the very beginning, what's Spanish, it's the kingdom of faith. Ah, the man is the king, and
the woman is the queen, and they end up tripping over.
		
00:52:57 --> 00:53:01
			So it was a fight about the money. And you know, this and that.
		
00:53:04 --> 00:53:06
			Does application level and age matter?
		
00:53:08 --> 00:53:09
			Most of the time these
		
00:53:11 --> 00:53:33
			people are compatible. This is very important when it comes to the social class. When it comes to
the age when it comes to the education. Does this mean it's hard for example, but for somebody like
no one has a PhD and one has like a university degree only or vice versa? No, sometimes an
illiterate person is wiser and more experienced in life than somebody.
		
00:53:35 --> 00:53:41
			But I'm not saying that this is the default. Okay? Age also, it's very important to have a minimum
		
00:53:42 --> 00:53:53
			of three years, usually the values over five years, seven years but more than that sometimes they
belong to two different generations don't think the same way. just mean that it is like an
		
00:53:55 --> 00:53:58
			age ready to always fail? No.
		
00:54:01 --> 00:54:02
			It's very important.
		
00:54:03 --> 00:54:10
			Does the value flex how much he loves me? The more he pays, the more he loves me know?
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:12
			The list
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:18
			of Fatuma
		
00:54:21 --> 00:54:23
			was even worse.
		
00:54:25 --> 00:54:28
			What did you find this today? Well, now's the time
		
00:54:30 --> 00:54:31
			for a system that was reserved.
		
00:54:32 --> 00:54:34
			And when I asked him
		
00:54:36 --> 00:54:41
			I said How much do you want to I want him to buy for most of them and
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:46
			I said okay, and
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:50
			I thought that this was like the beginning of the story.
		
00:54:52 --> 00:54:58
			As I wish our sisters would come and learn something from him, because they sit cross legged and say
50,000
		
00:55:03 --> 00:55:11
			Okay, are newspapers online chatting matrimonial services safe voice a bit
		
00:55:15 --> 00:55:28
			because most of what's available First of all, you know everybody you know in the newspaper when
they put an ad which is like an old fashioned way but sometimes it's still there you know hearing
the truth about themselves
		
00:55:29 --> 00:55:33
			and sometimes a line like a funny situation there was a brother who was very blunt
		
00:55:34 --> 00:55:35
			he said Moses
		
00:55:36 --> 00:55:39
			a farmer wants to live Okay.
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:43
			And then he put some specifications and then he said we forgot
		
00:55:46 --> 00:55:49
			that it's preferable that you have a tractor because he wants this to happen
		
00:55:52 --> 00:55:56
			and then he said she doesn't have to put a picture but you can put the picture
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:00
			online chatting Of course
		
00:56:02 --> 00:56:02
			because
		
00:56:04 --> 00:56:08
			why I say we talk to me as a third person.
		
00:56:12 --> 00:56:22
			So you must be selling something emotional, which is is your finances okay? In the emails if you if
you send emails you know a third party should be copied
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:41
			just to make sure that there is nothing there inappropriate being said okay, but mostly the phone
calls all these like you know, like means of communication, what do you say that whatever pictures
are posted them and this is when the beginning once I found
		
00:56:45 --> 00:56:50
			the in laws abused their authority, most of the time they do
		
00:56:51 --> 00:57:03
			and this is why I'm saying you can you can get some tips from them, but don't ever take the province
to the in laws with respect to them because you will always be biased. I will be biased to my
daughter
		
00:57:04 --> 00:57:05
			and he will be biased
		
00:57:06 --> 00:57:08
			in a 5% this is top
		
00:57:09 --> 00:57:18
			so always take it to Allah and that we will be broken. Who would like to do this for somebody who's
like a social worker from inside background? Right?
		
00:57:20 --> 00:57:29
			At least you will analyze it was like, No, you're right. You're You're wrong Smith, you need to go
back for a walk and make over an abuser of yours now.
		
00:57:44 --> 00:57:45
			For the sisters
		
00:57:50 --> 00:57:51
			you don't have one brother
		
00:57:55 --> 00:57:55
			okay.
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:13
			But it's kind of a very different
		
00:58:27 --> 00:58:28
			Okay, let's
		
00:58:29 --> 00:58:30
			go to this problem.
		
00:58:37 --> 00:58:42
			Okay. So, brothers, often a non Muslim is asking him Why
		
00:58:43 --> 00:58:47
			you know, cousins can right. And whereas other religions
		
00:58:49 --> 00:58:51
			you know, the reason that says you know,
		
00:58:53 --> 00:58:53
			cousins,
		
00:58:54 --> 00:58:59
			even even if some people claim to be Christians, as you mentioned, and they talk,
		
00:59:00 --> 00:59:03
			they talk about 20 which is to talk about
		
00:59:06 --> 00:59:07
			even having
		
00:59:08 --> 00:59:15
			more than one wife, whereas there's nothing in the book that stops after the Pakistan talks about
that, you know,
		
00:59:17 --> 00:59:18
			it says that you know,
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:19
			the
		
00:59:27 --> 00:59:27
			polygamy,
		
00:59:28 --> 00:59:29
			okay.
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:32
			You know about sorry about
		
00:59:33 --> 00:59:33
			your
		
00:59:35 --> 00:59:38
			10 songs from one wife and us
		
00:59:39 --> 00:59:42
			from the other wife, quality score, so that is just like
		
00:59:43 --> 00:59:43
			that was
		
00:59:45 --> 00:59:45
			just
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:53
			okay.
		
00:59:57 --> 00:59:59
			Regarding the parents of potential smokers,
		
01:00:00 --> 01:00:01
			Sometimes we wish.
		
01:00:05 --> 01:00:05
			So how important
		
01:00:12 --> 01:00:13
			both ways.
		
01:00:15 --> 01:00:18
			So the same is asking
		
01:00:21 --> 01:00:27
			how important that for the parents of the two spouses
		
01:00:28 --> 01:00:35
			expected spouses know how important that they should get to know one another? Of course, it's
important. Because,
		
01:00:36 --> 01:00:43
			as I said before, how would you know that the sister has that, you know, his religious plus?
		
01:00:44 --> 01:00:45
			Which is beautiful again?
		
01:00:48 --> 01:00:52
			Same thing, how can the other brother is, besides
		
01:00:53 --> 01:00:54
			being crazy,
		
01:00:58 --> 01:00:59
			but there's no,
		
01:01:00 --> 01:01:23
			like set limit of like, no, it has to be like, you know, six months, two years, you know, because
usually what people have proposed, and then the job starts, you know, it's the relief of the of the
daughter who should go, or the sister should go and check about the brother. And of course, you
wouldn't ask them, to ask about them.
		
01:01:24 --> 01:01:36
			Once they get an accident, you know, it should be up to the option, and that is the right person for
them. And they are convinced that this is the right for him to money.
		
01:01:38 --> 01:01:50
			But the responsibility of the money is more important than the responsibility of the site of the
hospital, because the hospital is supposed to be like a mature person who can even make his own
choice.
		
01:01:51 --> 01:02:02
			And his parents both would be like, you know, maybe like sharing something that he doesn't know
about her. But he's the dependent and during the match his normal six was the bully and put his
hands on
		
01:02:03 --> 01:02:04
			his father.
		
01:02:06 --> 01:02:12
			But it should be as long as they have enough information that convinces them
		
01:02:27 --> 01:02:29
			as you can see, here,
		
01:02:37 --> 01:02:40
			of course, but I think I mentioned that, like there's no harm
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:52
			for both of them work. And at that point of time, this would be like mutual agreement between the
two. Because as we know, women in STEM
		
01:02:54 --> 01:02:55
			brothers thing
		
01:02:57 --> 01:03:03
			you talked about the idea of working with the man is responsible for everything about the
institution that
		
01:03:05 --> 01:03:12
			both of them are working, there is no problem. But it still does not change the fact that the man is
responsible for everything, it doesn't work that
		
01:03:15 --> 01:03:55
			you know, are not able to be spent in the pharmacy, that doesn't work. Or I'm going to be working,
I'm going to be helping, that doesn't work, because the minister bar is talking to the men who will
be establishing the house. Okay, and the whole document was figuratively, meaning he's the one who
makes the family and spends on the family provides for all the needs of the family. So you can't
start a family if you're not financially independent and able to put this in a condition it says
those who cannot those who are not able to live the past is able to live. So if the sister and the
sister contributes.
		
01:03:56 --> 01:04:11
			This is a free world. And it has to be by mutual agreement. For example, let's say she takes eight
hours of his time with his kids. So they said I'm gonna give 40% of my income 50% 60% of my income.
		
01:04:12 --> 01:04:15
			I'm going to put all my income because you need it now.
		
01:04:19 --> 01:04:21
			The real situation where the
		
01:04:30 --> 01:04:31
			real
		
01:04:41 --> 01:04:45
			Oh, this is something this is something completely different because I was talking about
		
01:04:47 --> 01:04:52
			this is meant to bite you tomorrow. The Ideal Husband, what should we do at the house?
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:59
			was the best customer yet. He was the Prophet for me so much.
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:12
			responsibilities yet. He used to clean his clothing, shoes help in the household, errands and stuff.
And we're expected to do this. I like what I was saying this in the middle of
		
01:05:15 --> 01:05:26
			the American dishes on the map, of course, you should tell. But again, what I'm saying is, it will
all end up. Go back to the idea of did you choose the person
		
01:05:29 --> 01:05:29
			because,
		
01:05:30 --> 01:05:43
			you know, when she's pregnant, he will appreciate the fact that she's but she's not horrible when
she's doing the site, which is not normal, you know, which is 60 is not normal, you know, and even
which is normal, you just come one day.
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:56
			One day, you know, taking the garbage, the garbage, you're running errands, you know, of course, but
it's manage is a company where everybody does what they can. It's not the fact that
		
01:05:59 --> 01:06:00
			I just go out to work and that's it.
		
01:06:02 --> 01:06:04
			You know, it's like,
		
01:06:07 --> 01:06:08
			you can't
		
01:06:09 --> 01:06:10
			do
		
01:06:11 --> 01:06:12
			it.
		
01:06:13 --> 01:06:16
			Tomorrow, what do you do your life here? And
		
01:06:18 --> 01:06:26
			if she's not working, sitting at home, and she's on the phone all night, watching movies, and he
comes back home, and we don't have kids.
		
01:06:28 --> 01:06:28
			Okay?
		
01:06:31 --> 01:06:34
			Pizza one time or two times. So I've been doing this
		
01:06:35 --> 01:06:35
			all my life.
		
01:06:37 --> 01:06:42
			So it has to be both ways. Of course it works both ways. Okay, before you ask the question,
		
01:06:47 --> 01:06:48
			you have a comment?
		
01:06:58 --> 01:06:59
			Give them three.
		
01:07:17 --> 01:07:17
			Shut up.
		
01:07:26 --> 01:07:28
			This is the person that comes to me but
		
01:07:29 --> 01:07:40
			what if I want to marry someone or but both ways follow the system and the parents are not agreeing
because of the culture or because of the diversity or because of the color? What should we do?
		
01:07:46 --> 01:07:47
			A lot.
		
01:08:19 --> 01:08:22
			entire life in a trance
		
01:08:24 --> 01:08:30
			in a state of heedlessness ruffler negligence, in denial.
		
01:08:33 --> 01:08:34
			At the count of three
		
01:08:36 --> 01:08:38
			you will begin to see the signs
		
01:08:40 --> 01:08:45
			321
		
01:08:55 --> 01:08:56
			in
		
01:09:03 --> 01:09:05
			the count of three,
		
01:09:06 --> 01:09:07
			you will be away
		
01:09:09 --> 01:09:15
			321