Passing Optimism To Our Children

Omer El-Hamdoon

Channel: Omer El-Hamdoon

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© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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My dear respected brothers and sisters,

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there's another jumaan

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and another opportunity for us to

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listen and to benefits and to hear and to be advised and ask Allah subhanaw taala to benefit me and you with these words.

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And a hadith that's similar to one dimension before born a different account.

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There is a better woman who came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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and also asked the prophet SAW Selim, when is the day of judgment.

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The other story that we mentioned the prophet SAW, Selim said to him, what have you prepared for it? This better when it was slightly different because the prophet SAW Selim was in the middle of a

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talk. So he just carried on talking. This guy came in sort of like interrupted.

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So some of the Sahaba said, Well, did he hear the question or not?

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I'm not sure. Other said, Well, maybe he did hear it, but he just didn't like the question. But anyway, after the process and finished what he had to say.

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He said, Where is the questioner? Where's the one who was asking about the sound? He said, here? I'm almost in July. So he said,

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either Louis, it Amana?

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cantata Risa.

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You're asking about when the Day of Judgment is there's, I can't give you a set time because only Allah subhanaw taala knows that set time will end Mohinder be,

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but I can give you some of the signs and one of the sign is if the Trust has been lost,

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then

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you should expect the sack to be close. And then when he went on to ask, Well, what is the sign? What is it? What will How will it be lost? So the prophets lie Selim said,

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either we'll see the llama la Ilaha, la contoller.

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When the matters are entrusted to people who don't deserve the matters, they don't deserve the trust, then that is one of the signs of the Day of Judgment.

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And the Hadith. Now the prophet SAW Selim gave a demo sign here, and even the word trust is a big word can mean so many things, it can mean so many aspects. And so why is important for us to understand the whole concept of what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying,

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the point that I want to take on is a different angle.

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Because also today being a day, which

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there is a it's a half term, many children here today

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and receive the request to talk something which is relevant to the children.

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And obviously, your children are our trust as well. Allah subhanaw taala has entrusted them to our care, and we have a responsibility towards them.

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And so it's also important for us that we don't lose that trust that Allah has given us.

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And some people ask, you know, can we have a Hookah Bar, which just tells the children how to be better children? How to respect their parents, how to listen to their parents, how to do this to the parents. And whilst that is valid,

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but really, the more apt question is, not how do I change my children? Or how do I change my wife?

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Or how do I change my husband, but rather, how do I change myself? Because the key to changing those around you and especially your children, starts with changing yourself. Because you are the one who

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firstly is a role model for your child, your child looks up to you.

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How many times have you told your child not to do something and the first thing they will say to you is, well, Dad, you're doing it. How can you do this? usually happens when you tell them to go to bed, go to bed all but that you're staying awake, you know, how come you staying away? So

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that aside, they look at you and they look at how you behave

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and how you deal with matters in the family. So you have to think about yourself

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First, how am I dealing with this reality? What kind of role model Am I

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we have parents who say yes, I'm not very good practicing Muslim, yes, I do this this, but I want my children to be good Muslims, I want my children to be better than me.

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That's a false reality. You can't say that.

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You need you just you need to be, you need to change yourself and be better so that your children will also be better.

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And similarly, you find sometimes people looking for a husband or a wife will say, you know, I'm not really a practicing by bright my wife to be really practicing Muslim or the other way around. Doesn't work. It's a little bit of a paradox there.

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And whilst it's difficult to have precise solutions on how you can change your children, for the better

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already told you that it's important to start with yourself.

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Not every not every child will behave in the same way.

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Different children will have different

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reactions to different things.

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And that's why it's important to know your child

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and to know what works for your child and what doesn't work.

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If you placed an egg,

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which is soft, in boiling water, it becomes hard.

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However, if you place a carrot in boiling water is hard, it will become soft.

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Boiling water is the same boiling water, but it's a different reality, different changes will happen. So you have to know what will benefit some children

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benefit from good advice.

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Other children benefit from some discipline,

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setting certain parameters and certain limits is what we will do. Some children like to be this, you know like to know what's happening, they want to be part of a discussion of what's going to be happening in the house.

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Other children, like rewards more.

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Other children are affected by you just saying to them, I'm upset with you, I'm not gonna talk with you the emotion just because if you just say I don't want to speak to you, they get upset by that different children behave differently. So you have to engage your child in the right way. But one of the important things

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for a child.

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And this is probably something that most

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educators will tell you this, the most important thing for your child is to give them time.

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That is the most important thing. The more time you spend with your children,

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the more quality you will get out of your child.

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Don't let the television YouTube, the iPhone or the iPad or don't let them be the parent.

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It's very easy, very easy. We've all been there.

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We've got so many things to do, or you just had a long day at work child one, just give them the phone. That'll shut them up for a little bit. Because I'll keep them quiet. They'll take them off my head and it happens or switch on the television for them some Nursery Rhymes or whatever and out, but they actually need time. And the more time you spend with them, the more quality time that you spend with them,

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the more they will you'll get back out.

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And today I want to use this opportunity and time to share with you

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some stories or some examples because Allah subhanho wa Taala sent messengers and prophets and they told their people stories. And they told people examples.

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And the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told stories and he told examples, and the Lord told the best possible stories and examples.

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And one way to engage with your child is through stories because children like stories feed their imagination, and in stories, there are good examples, the good lessons to be learned.

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And so by having these different stories,

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they can relate to it and I hope Sharla today with these different examples that we have,

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I think inshallah we will go away with some positive messages. Because those of you have heard me a few times know that I like to concentrate on positivity.

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And that we look always on the bright side of things. But we don't always look at things,

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how bad they are, but always look at the good things. And this is the main hedge. This is the methodology of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam

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He said well Hey Bob fan I like good intuition good omens, good words

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and from his family was also too in terms of names you know sometimes giving people good names and keeping away from bad names

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you know the Arabs generally the Arab men, they used to choose very harsh names

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almost like you know, today you have these wrestlers or you know people who are boxing whatever they like choose the sort of names which give the to scare their opponent.

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You know, like fierce names

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have names like how and sahab and Thor and Caleb and all these, you know, like, very Fahad ash had all these names, just to give the impression that you know, we are fighting people, sometimes the names are so harsh,

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that they even

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they need to be changed. And I think I mentioned to you once that the prophet SAW Selim,

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change the name of one of the men, he or he invited him to change his name because his name was hasn't, hasn't means harsh, difficult, and also means sad sorrow. So the prophet SAW Selim said, well, antecedent, your name should be easy. easygoing.

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So he didn't accept that. He said, my father

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chose my name. So I'd like to keep my name. The perfect game advice, it was honestly how it wasn't, he didn't say to me, you have to change it if he did that, if the man would have obliged, but it was a recommendation. So the guy didn't choose the recommendation. he happens to be the grandfather of say the minimum saying, sorry, the most a one of the fuqaha of Medina. He said, because he didn't choose he didn't accept the change. He said for masala, novena. Illa has very own side said we continue to be sad until today, because he didn't accept this recommendation from the Prophet sighs. And this, you might think, well, this is so superficial, no isn't actually today. Psychologists tell

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you this.

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1400 years ago, 1400 years later, the actually your name, how you perceive things, how you look at things that has has an impact on your life.

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How you choose to react to things.

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You know, a woman goes to the doctor,

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although this might seem like a bit of a joke, but it's a reality goes to a doctor and she says to the doctor, your doctor, if I lift my hand like this, then it hurts.

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Doctor said to her, well don't do it, then.

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That's the simple answer. I have people coming to me as well as a dentist and they'll say, you know, if I go like a tiger like this toy to actually that hurts. Or if I do that, well, don't do that, then, you know, this is simple. The simple is not the right advice. Obviously, they have to investigate something. But sometimes we go through difficult things in our lives. It's like we encourage that, you know, we we know that if we're gonna talk about certain things, that's always going to cause an issue. If I talk to my child about this topic, we're always going to end up having an argument.

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So you need to then choose a different way to give the message or the instruction. If things not working, do something else, and things is causing you pain and suffering. Try to put it aside. You know, we all have bad memories or maybe bad experiences.

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How do you overcome that bad experience by actually putting it aside?

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And this is related to the next story, which is how you let things get to you.

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So a lecturer in front of his students was holding a glass of water in his hand like this.

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And he said to them, how much do you think this weighs?

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glass of water. Different people get different answers.

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guessing.

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But that wasn't his point. He said, it doesn't really matter how much it weighs. What matters is how long do I stay holding this like this.

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If I stay holding this water for one minute, it's not a problem. If I keep holding it for half an hour is going to start hurting me and if I keep on holding it,

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something bad's gonna happen tomorrow end up collapsing.

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And this is similar to our problems and our issues today. If we allow issues to continue on being resolved, then they will remain causing us problems.

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And here you will understand the important prophetic advice which is related to when you have issues with one another with

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There is within your household, or whether it's within between others, in your workplace, in your community, in your Masjid, wherever. If you have a problem with somebody, you need to address it. And that's why the professor Sam said, Hey, Lou lemare in Muslim in India has dropped raha solace is not permissible for a Muslim to to hold a grudge and to boycott his brother for more than three days.

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So you don't carry on holding that grudge, which will then just cause you more anxiety, more pain, resolve the issue, resolve the matter. And similarly, any issues in your life, if you have a problem, you need to address the problems. And by addressing the problems, you get rid of them. And that's why the best of people today, the most comfortable of people today are those people who go to sleep.

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And they clear their hearts have any an anxiety of any animosity to anybody else.

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And that, as you all know, was one of the traits which the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said about one person, he is from the people that agenda because of that quality, that whenever he would never sleep, having any animosity towards anybody in his hearts.

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And we have the ability to change things around us.

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Another story about someone again, it might sound like a joke, but it's also an important story.

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A man at work every day,

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he opens his lunch box.

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And why he's sitting with his friends. And he says,

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not cheese sandwiches again, I hate cheese sandwiches.

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Now, he's always complaining everyday opening. So his friend says to him, Well, why don't you ask your wife to stop making you cheese sandwich or make you something different? So the guy said, Actually, I'm not married, I make my own sandwiches.

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And whilst it seems like a joke, and is a joke, in one way, actually, this is also a problem that we have in our lives today. Because a lot of the time, we make ourselves miserable. Because of our own selves. We don't change things for the better. We don't look at what's causing us anxiety and try to address them, and it works with our children. You know, why am I was the issues that I have with my child? How can I address those issues, what needs to be addressed, don't let them just like lying on because end of the day you are in control. You are responsible for the things that you do. And that's why you have to make the

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the actual effort

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to do some things differently. And because you are in control, you have to make sure that your actions also are calculated.

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Because today when you

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do something or you say something

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then once you do it once you say it's out of your control.

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As long as you don't say the words, you own the words. The moment you speak those words, they own you.

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And they're very difficult to attract.

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And that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Man, can I umino Billa

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William ilaha fileopen Hi, Ron. Oh, yes, good.

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Whoever believes in Allah.

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On the final day, the Lamb say something good or let him be quiet.

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Calculate where your things are your actions because once you when you throw a stone in the pond,

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you can never stop those ripples the ripples will happen.

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And if you try to stop the ripples, you actually cause more problems. So don't throw the stone in the first place. If you don't want those ripples to happen.

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And it's always while we are talking about this and I mentioned it's always good to look on the will have to always look on the bright side of things.

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They say that to those two people on a on a safari holiday, and they're watching the African sunsets.

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One of them is watching that and he's lost in the experience. You know, he's looking at the the sunset, the beautiful, serene, calm

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experience the change in color.

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As the sounds of the birds, the birds, the gentle breeze is enjoying them on. The other one

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is thinking about everything that went wrong in that day.

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The transport was late, the lunch wasn't good, what are they gonna do tomorrow. So he was focusing on the issues and the problems, whereas the other one was enjoying the reality.

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Today, we have a choice, whether we enjoy

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our lives and look at the positive side of things, and we teach our children to look at the positive side of things.

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To teach them how to appreciate what they have,

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and to appreciate because some of us,

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you know, find that children might be a burden.

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But go and speak to those people who don't have children. And you can see how much they have spent time money effort to try and get children. They go through so much trauma just to have a child. Whereas the Lost Planet Allah has blessed you with children.

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Some of us don't like our jobs, or don't go like school,

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the children

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but there are people in the world today who would do anything for a job.

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They look for a job, they can't find a job.

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And there are children who have to walk miles to get to the nearest school so that they can study and get an education. Always look at the positive side of things because there are positives and there are negatives. And if you stay within the negative you will never leave that negative you will stay there.

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Apple only has ever stopped for a while you will start to

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ask Allah forgiveness because he is the one who forgives all sins

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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was

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a bad a lot of luck and Mama, God, yeah, you holla Deena, WA,

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ma,

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ma,

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ma, Ma.

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Ma.

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last story that I want to mention for today, which I think is very important, as well. And it's probably more of a parable. But it's it's very important to understand. And this is a story about a farmer

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who was excited to see that's an egg had Eagle had nested near his farm. So he went up to the nest, found there was an egg, there was just one egg, he took that egg

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and he put the egg with his chickens.

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And the hand reared the egg looks similar to the other eggs. And the egg hatched and the eagle was born with the chickens.

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And it came up and he lived his life as a chicken.

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He didn't want to try to fly because the chickens said look, you know this your chicken.

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And so you have to just live like us.

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And once the ego saw or the Eagles flying

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the chicken or the adopted parents now we're convincing the child that you are a chicken Don't think about flying.

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And so the eagle baby Eagle stays behaving like a chicken

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and you the parents can behave similar ways.

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Because every child has a potential.

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Every child can be the eagle

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or the peacock or whatever animal they want to be.

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But how you instruct them, how you guide them in life, how you support them, how you nurture them, how you think about this a man that Allah has given to you will determine how they will grow up to be and if you continue to give them negative thoughts. Again as people will tell you the more you breed negative if you keep on saying to your child you know you're a failure you're a loser you're this you're that you don't understand, you don't have a brain, they will get psychologically becomes ingrained into them. So the best they will achieve is always

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minimum.

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Whereas if you encourage them with positive encouragement, and you give them the tools and you nurture them, and you take them with, you take their hand and you go with them,

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and you feed their needs in a good way, then they will grow and meet the expectations that they want.

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And this was how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, took the Sahaba. And he looked at the different qualities that they had any progress, then he gave them the encouragement. And he gave them the ability, given the tools and he pushed them forward. So he didn't have a problem with, you know, sitting with young people and talking to them and engaging with them, he didn't have problem with them, sending them in on expeditions to lead armies and, and so on. He didn't have a problem with them and trusting them with responsibilities, or giving them tasks or telling them to do this, because end of the day, it was realizing their potential and working with it.

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So once there is no hard and fast rules for children, you as an individual has to change. You have to realize the trust, you have to be the right model and begin by changing yourself and continue to change yourself because there is no end point. Life is a continual lessons life cycle of lessons. And thirdly, look at your child, what can I give to my child

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and give them the potential look on the bright side of things, always teach them about positivity. Always give them the things that they need and more. Don't accept them just to be on the on the basic levels and by that inshallah to Allah

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you will see so much developing out of that and spend time with your children, as you said and use this opportunity to give positive examples through stories and the like. By your story your brothers and sisters, as I mentioned to you a couple of weeks ago we have inshallah, not this Friday, not this Sunday, but the following Sunday, we have a

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program which is part of a national program organised by the Muslim council Britain which is called visit my mosque visit my mosque is a great opportunity to open the doors of the masjid and to tell people come in have a look at the masjid see what it's like. And it's Allah is very powerful. To break barriers and build bridges. Powerful for people to see a Masjid see what goes on in the masjid see that there's nothing there to you know, which because of the nature of the massage it is that is very simple. You know, simple in architecture, nothing fancy, no chairs, not just a place of worshipping Allah subhanaw taala learning, education being inspired is a community place. So that's

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going to happen in about nine days time.

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We need your help, we need your support, we need your help financially, because this kind of activity costs a lot. And it's a great opportunity to give down and deliver people and by the hour, we're not talking about converting people to Islam, but we're talking about giving the invitation because showing people what, what Muslims are about what Islam is about. And secondly, it's about building community and letting people and reaching out to the others and extending our hands and arms to people. So a great opportunity to help financially. Secondly, timewise because obviously, this kind of program will not work if nobody comes. And that's why we have leaflets out there

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which look like this.

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You can take one but it's not for you. It's for you to give to your neighbor or your colleague or whatever, in the locality property in the letterbox or give it to them by hand preferably. and invite them to come to the masjid. Come and enjoy a meal at the masjid come and see what's happening in the masjid enjoy some of the activities that are going to be there and inshallah through that we can have a positive impact because there's nothing more important than that personal touch, no matter how much good things we say, if we don't see it, and last week last Sunday, Mashallah, you know, nearly 30 people from the community here went out and they cleaned the park, participate in a

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community cleaning the park and bars and that that speaks louder than words. And that's what we need. So please help us. Please give donations today. Please help us if you can give your time or take a leaflet. We've got a meeting this Sunday as well to discuss what we can do off the Lord. All these things in sha Allah will go a long way in helping progress our position here in the community in Sharla. Desert Kamala allama fill in our ham now if you know I find them along with me now again the similarity moto Ballina, indicando Rahim allama Muslim another schema to minamisoma Allah, Allah, watch along

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nanosilica laco agenda on how to become a salty co or not