Omar Suleiman – Why Me #15 What If I Could Have Changed Things
AI: Summary ©
The negative impact of regret on one's behavior and the importance of living in a distorted world are highlighted. regret can lead to regret, learning, and gratitude, but actions that cause doubt and negative emotions can also lead to regret, learning, and gratitude. accountability and regret in the spiritual journey is emphasized, and avoiding regret is emphasized as life is not about just what is meant for one, but rather for the whole world. Life is about what is meant for one and not for another, and mindful thinking is necessary.
AI: Summary ©
If only this hadn't happened, I would have
been so happy right now.
If only this situation went my way
I would have been married by now.
If this then that.
The word if is short
but its impacts are long standing
and have the power to trap you in
the thoughts of what could have been
and leave you disappointed with what actually is.
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam warned us about the
danger of dwelling on If.
But does this mean you aren't allowed to
feel sadness or regret at all?
Where's the line between healthy regret and an
unhealthy level of dwelling on the past?
During the time of some of the worst
fitna this Ummah has ever seen, there was
a man in Basra who was a general
in the army of Ubaidullah ibn Ziyat who
was serving under Yazid ibn
Muawiya. So this general says that one day
while I was on my rooftop, I fell
down and I broke both of my legs.
And as I was laying at home with
both of my legs broken,
the righteous scholar Abi Qilaba Rahimullah came to
visit me. And he said to me, arju
an yakoonathari
kahhira
I hope this was actually better for you.
And so I responded to him and I
said, You abaqilaba
what in the world could be good about
my legs being broken?
He said, Listen, maasatAllahu
a'laika aqsa
What Allah protected you from if your legs
weren't broken is better for you. So he
says, 3 days later, I get this letter
from Ubaidullah ibn Ziyad enlisting me to join
an army to go fight Al Hussain radiAllahu
ta'ala Anhu, the grandson of the Prophet SallAllahu
Alaihi Wasallam.
So I responded to him and I said,
I can't join you because my legs are
broken.
And then a week later,
I heard that they murdered Al Hussain radiAllahu
ta'ala Anhu and I said, Rahim Allahu abbaqilaba.
Ad sadak innaqana
khayranli. May Allah have mercy on Abu Quilaba.
He was so right that it was better
for me.
Had that not happened to me, I would
have taken part in the crime
of murdering the grandson of the Prophet SallAllahu
Alaihi Wasallam. We always see the if only
of regret,
but not the if only that Allah saved
us from.
Regret can be inescapable because we are human
and we're going to make mistakes that have
consequences beyond the immediate moment.
And part of being human is sometimes miscalculating
and making the wrong moves.
And sometimes thinking that we made all the
right moves but everything still went wrong.
The worst part is when we start to
imagine all these alternate worlds and a different
life
if only we had done things differently.
And this is where the word comes in,
if.
And not every if is the same.
There are ifs that cause doubt, there are
ifs that cause learning,
and there are ifs that actually cause gratitude.
As for the ones that cause doubt, these
are the ones that can make us challenge
the Qadr of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la.
The prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said, don't say
if I had not done that, then this
wouldn't have happened. Walakinqulqadrallaw
shafaal Instead say Allah did what he had
ordained to do.
Because the word if
opens the doors of the Shaytan.
This is the if that convinces you that
if you would have done something different or
if someone else didn't exist or if a
certain circumstance didn't arise then the decree of
Allah would have been different. But it was
never going to be different and this can
lead you to hate yourself, it could make
you hate others,
It could make you hate the world or
even worse, it could make you turn in
hatred towards the heavens. And that's why the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said it opens the
doors of shaitan
because your head becomes a playground for Shaytan
who starts to play with all sorts of
possibilities
that you think that you have.
But you have to shut that door of
if at the very beginning with qadrallama
shafa.
That's the lock on the door as firm
as the plan of decree.
Al Qadhi ayad rahimahullah said about the phrase
if only, that repeatedly thinking this can actually
become a habit. And then this habit can
remove all ribah, all contentment from the heart
of the believer.
But there are good ifs.
You have ifs that cause learning.
And there is an important distinction between muhasaba
which is accountability and hasra which is regret.
Evaluating mistakes and learning from them is muhasaba
and that's a foundational part of everyone's spiritual
journey.
The focus is on the actions
not the outcomes as opposed to the if
that causes doubt
which focuses on the outcomes
not the actions.
And the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he used
to use this for teaching the companions.
So in Hajj, the prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam
said, wallaula annamaialhadya
la athlaltu.
If only I wouldn't have brought my sacrifice
with me, I would have exited my
ihram. Or if I would have done this,
I would have done something different here. So
this is an if that becomes a teaching
moment. You can also say if only
when you regret missing out on a good
deed. As imaman Nawirahimu Allah sata asufanaalamathatamintaa'atillah
attillah feeling sorry because you missed out on
a way of obeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
There's also when the prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam
said, if only this person was a bit
more patient, more blessings would have come. The
prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said after telling the
story of Musa and Al Khadr.
Wadidna annamusa kana sabara faqasallahu
alayna min khabariema
We would have loved if Musa Alayhi Salaam
was a bit more patient then Allah would
have told us more of their stories.
Then there is the if only that leads
to gratitude.
And this is when you think of all
the ways it could have gone wrong
and how Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la saved
you from misfortune.
Lawla fadlullahi
wa'hamatuhu
If it weren't for the blessing and mercy
of Allah in any of our pasts,
things could have been a lot worse.
Laula nirmaturabbila
kuntuminalmuhadareen
If it weren't for the blessing of my
Lord, I would have perished in the fire.
Lawulaanhadan
Allah If Allah hadn't guided me, how would
I have made it to paradise?
There were so many ifs that actually went
your way and those are the ifs that
inspire gratitude.
Don't say if with what was never meant
to come to you.
Say if not for all the things that
came to you that were full of blessings
even if you couldn't see them.
When he opens up your understanding of deprivation,
the deprivation itself becomes the same as a
gift.
There will be times in your life when
you want to resist the path that's been
put before you,
but fighting it can't bring you any peace.
Imam al Shafi'irahimu
Allah said, My heart is at ease knowing
that what was meant for me will never
miss me. And what has missed me was
never meant for me.
We can't find that ease when all our
time is spent on what ifs
Because life is not about the what ifs.
It's about what is.