Omar Suleiman – The Art Of Finding Closure
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We begin by praising Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
by bearing witness that none has the right
to be worshipped or unconditionally
obeyed except for him. And we bear witness
that Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is his final
messenger, we ask Allah to send his peace
and blessings upon him, the prophets and messengers
that came before him, his family and companions
that served alongside him and those that follow
in his blessed path until the day of
judgment. We ask Allah to make us amongst
them. Allahumma ami.
Dear brothers and sisters, first and foremost,
today is a day in which we have
2 janazahs in our community.
And, SubhanAllah,
death is very uncomfortable and it's a very
uncomfortable conversation.
But we have a mother who
passed away, Sister Suhad. May Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala have mercy on her and accept her
on this day of Jum'ah and protect her
from the punishment of the grave and elevate
her rank, Allahumma Ameen, with her husband, her
children, her grandchildren.
And we have a child named Yusuf. May
Allah
allow him to intercede for his parents on
the Day of Judgment. May Allah, Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala, allow him to be a source of
mercy and comfort for the generations before him
and those that come after Allahumma Ameen.
And death is a very uncomfortable
conversation.
SubhanAllah,
not too long ago, we had a young
sister in our community that passed away,
Sister Sarah,
32 years old. May Allah 'Azza wa Jal
have mercy on her, a young mother,
and may Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, make it
easy for her husband, Yousuf, and her child,
Allahumma Ameen.
And we saw Sabruun Jameel,
beautiful patients
in
her husband.
And, SubhanAllah, I want to go to a
conversation
that I had for this Khutba.
And I said death is an uncomfortable
conversation, and the prophet
salAllahu alaihi wasallam wanted it to
make us uncomfortable. In fact, the prophet salAllahu
alaihi wasallam told us to remember it precisely
because it makes us uncomfortable. It's called Hadim
al lazat, as as the prophet said,
a destroyer of pleasures. The prophet wanted us
to go to the graveyard so that we
could reflect on our own graves. The prophet
salaihi wa sama wanted us to see that
even those who we remember being so full
of life,
one day their ending will be our ending.
And so it's meant to provoke discomfort
and uncomfortable conversations.
When I went to visit the people who
had made it out of Gaza
in Qadr, where they have a center for
amputees
and people that are being treated.
It was one conversation, subhanAllah, where one brother
pulled me to the side and, like pretty
much everyone else there had lost, if not
his entire family, multiple members of his family.
And he asked me in in Arabi. He
just took he didn't know who I was.
He didn't know anything about me.
He said, are you a sheikh?
And I said, kair, what is it? He
said, I wanna ask you something.
I need to talk to a sheikh. I
need to talk to somebody.
Said, kayr, inshallah.
So he went on to tell me about
how he lost everyone in his family,
including his wife.
And he says to me, I don't
doubt
that she's a martyr.
I don't doubt her shahada or what Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has promised to her.
But I can't forgive myself because the last
conversation that we had was not a good
conversation.
So I'm not worried about her, and everyone's
telling me, 'Adhamullah Ojrah, can may Allah accept
her shahad? And I know my wife is
a shahidah and all that, but I'm worried
because
we didn't have a good final conversation.
And he starts going on, like, as if
he has to justify this to me,
spoiled kid who's never faced any hardship like
these people have faced.
You know, it was tough and the starvation
and they're moving us from place to place
and then this person died as if he
has to justify
why he had a bad last conversation with
his wife.
And, subhanAllah,
I couldn't shake that conversation and I wanted
to bring it
today, 1st and foremost, not to say to
that person in fact, we would say to
that person, may Allah forgive you and the
beautiful memories that you had together. They don't
go away with one conversation.
And, bidhin, lahu ta'ala, all of that is
preserved
and your wife will intercede for you as
a martyr, bidhin, lahu ta'ala.
Well, we wanted I wanted to
build on the sentiment that was conveyed because,
let's face it, none of us have faced
anything like these people have faced. None of
us. I remember when Brother Faiz, when his
mother passed away and we did her janazah
here, and as we were going to the
graveyard, he made the observations, SubhanAllah, these people
don't even have
the dignity
or the ability to bury their loved ones
in peace. Like, who would have thought we
say, Alhamdulillah, for the ability to have a
janazah, for the ability to bury our loved
ones in peace?
But it was this idea of closure.
When you look at the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam and his life,
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam was incredible
at mastering, just like every other element of
his life, the art of closure.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
understood when he was talking to someone that
that might be the last time he speaks
to someone.
The prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,
when he says that pray as if it's
your last prayer, walataqalimbi
kalam taatariominhugada
and don't say something that you'll have to
apologize for tomorrow,
you don't find any incidents with the prophet
where
he wishes he didn't say something to someone
right before they died
or the prophet
regretting
any type of interaction because his relationships
they revolved around what he taught, this idea
of the akhirah.
And so, you know, when we're talking about
the prophet
forgiving people, we're talking about Fata Hamakkah and
these people that caused him so much harm.
How is it that the prophet, sallallahu alaihi
wasalam, is able to forgive?
How is it that the prophet is able
to close that chapter or what was necessary
of that chapter? And I want to talk
about that for a bit, bidin Nahi Ta'ala.
It's because the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
understood that you can't close certain doors in
your life unless you're trying to keep other
ones open.
And let me talk about that for a
moment.
One of the greatest tricks of shaytan that
we know of is procrastination.
And we talk about procrastination in regards to
our salah. We talk about procrastination as we
should because our relationship with Allah, Subhanahu, Subhanahu,
is the most consequential relationship in our lives.
We talk about procrastination with this and procrastination
with that.
But what about the people and the problems
in our lives?
People and problems.
You cannot close
certain doors unless you're trying to keep other
doors open. And for us as Muslims,
that means, 1st and foremost, that door with
Allah
And so I want you to imagine your
life as a bunch of doors.
Some of those doors are the doors of
Shaipan. Some of those doors are doors between
you and Allah
How many times do you let Shaifa'an
keep a door open for you? How many
times do you shut a door that Allah
has opened for you? This is the only
exercise that I want each and every single
one of us, and I want us to
be deeply uncomfortable starting with myself.
All of us be a little bit uncomfortable
here
and think about the doors in our lives
and try to interrogate ourselves for a moment,
every door that's in our lives.
The prophet
said,
don't say the word if because
biha abwaaba shayalain.
That that word, if, opens the doors of
shaitan. If only I would have done this,
if only I would have done that, if
only this would have been different, this outcome
would have been different. And you see people
who don't understand qadr, that beat themselves over
the head for the rest of their lives
because they think this could have been done
differently, this could have been done differently, and
it's not regretting an action. It's thinking that
you're in control of the outcome. If I
would have gotten there this quickly or if
I would have gone to this hospital, or
if I would have taken that turn, or
if this would have happened, then maybe my
mom would still be alive.
Maybe my dad would still be alive. Maybe
my brother would still be alive.
And the prophet, sallAllahu alaihi wa sama, is
saying that word, if, opens the doors of
shaytan, and you see people torture themselves.
Every single time someone passes away, torture themselves
over that word.
If if
this doctor, that hospital, this person detected earlier,
this would have changed this, this would have
turned changed that. And the prophet SAWS-eleven is
saying, you can't keep a door between you
and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala open unless you're
willing to shut that door of shaytan.
Did you ever hear the prophet SallAllahu Alaihi
Wasallam who loved Khadija the
way that he loved her saying, you know,
if only I would have taken her to
Abyssinia, maybe migrated to Abyssinia,
Khadija would still be alive. Maybe if I
would have done this earlier, Abu Talib would
still be with us. Maybe if I wouldn't
have listened to those companions
who disagreed with my opinion on Uhud to
go out and to fight people outside of
Madinah
in the process of Shura, maybe Hamza radiAllahu
anhu would still be here. None of that
is
there. Completely absent.
Not because the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam is
not a self accountable person, but because the
Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam is a man who
manifests tawakkul, trust in Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
He shuts that gate to Shaytan. Shaytan has
no door to enter and to interfere with
kadar. You have closure with tragedy as a
believer. Ajab and li'amrul mumin. How amazing is
the affair of the believer? You have such
closure
because you know
Nothing will strike us unless Allah has written
it for us, alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah,
closure.
While people spend decades trying to come to
terms with tragedy, trying to come to terms
with something, if this, if that, closure. You
shut that door of Shaifa'an. That's one door
and it's a huge door that Ibn Abbas
said
destroys Tawhid,
destroys your monotheism.
Shut that door.
Absolutely no entry from confronting tragedy. Alhamdulillah.
That doesn't mean that we don't have to
go through exercises
sometimes to try to get over things and
come to terms with them in a better
way. In fact, taking advantage of those things
is one of the ways in which you
submit yourself to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala by
not entertaining
a door of shaitan. No. I'm gonna make
this a door between me and Allah, Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, because this tragedy might be the
reason that I enter into Jannah if I'm
patient with it, and I could not have
changed any outcomes. The outcomes were already predetermined,
alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Closure.
Then there are problems
when it comes to confronting problems,
procrastination
with those problems.
And, subhanallah,
we accustom ourselves to thinking problems go away,
problems don't go away, problems are solved.
Problems don't go away, problems are solved.
But you tell yourself,
if I delay solving this problem,
maybe it'll be forgotten. If I push it
off, if I push it off, if I
push it off, and in the process,
how much destruction,
how much havoc because we don't confront problems
head on.
Dear brothers and sisters, how many marriages fall
apart?
Not because
anyone's a bad person, but because a problem
shows itself and you don't confront the problem.
You just hope it'll go away. And then
it shows itself later on again and again,
and it becomes more and more vicious. Confront
your problems. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam taught
us how to step up and immediately shut
a door.
Shut a door. Immediately.
Have you ever heard of the Prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam
and the way that he dealt with his
family life, alayhis salatu salam, in this way,
leaving the doors of shaitan open?
Did he leave that room? No. Shut the
door.
Find out what it is. Try to remedy
problems as quickly as you can.
Step up to it. Problems don't go away.
Problems are solved. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
confronted problems. That's from the sunnah and how
we find closure. And believing that Allah
will change the situation if you do your
best. And if the situation does not change,
then that is for the better, alhamdulillah. But
at least closure
is that I confronted a problem.
I stepped up to it. I did what
I had to do. I didn't ignore it.
I didn't put it off. I tried my
best
to step up to the problem
And then people.
And when it comes to people, this is
the most difficult one,
because it gets very complicated
when it comes to human relationships.
So complicated.
When Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala talks about all
the characteristics that He's given to us
of haste. We're hasty not just with Allah.
We're hasty with each other.
Hasty to throw people off. Hasty to throw
words.
Hasty to kill either in the physical or
the metaphorical sense.
When Allah talks about that arrogance,
it's not just the arrogance
that stops a person from being able to
prostrate themselves to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
The arrogance to put down that ego
with each other.
So
unbelievably
stubborn
with each other.
And the worst part of that is when
it comes to the people that are closest
to us, starting with our parents.
I want to make every single one of
us reflect on this a bit, dear brothers
and sisters.
SubhanAllah, how many people have issues with their
parents?
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam says,
your father is the middle gate of paradise.
In shitha,
If
you wish, lose that door. Otherwise,
preserve it.
Your father is the middle gate between you
and paradise.
Rectify that relationship. Put yourself down as much
as you can.
Try to rectify it. Don't try to get
into Jannah through a side door or through
something smaller. You don't know how much time
you have. Closure. Confront.
Close the door.
Make sure that your parents don't sleep angry
with you.
And if your father is your middle gate
of Jannah, your mother, the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi
Wasallam said to the young man, Aljannatu Tahta
Akdamaha,
that paradise is under her feet. Confront it.
Close that door.
Don't think of an option of trying to
get around. Are there exceptions in the Sharia?
Yes. There are exceptions
oppressions
that can move certain things away
from the norm of these ahadith. But I'm
telling you, the exceptions are not the exceptions
that we make them in our congregations.
The exceptions are meant to be minor exceptions,
very rare in a community,
solving those problems. How much time do you
have?
How much time do you have?
But if you start thinking about a door
of Jannah
that could be shut to you, the middle
gate
or the woman whose feet are above it
for you.
If you think of your door with Allah,
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, being compromised, then maybe that'll
break your ego a little bit more.
Maybe that will allow you to swallow it
a bit and to say, you know what?
I'm not willing to lose my Jannah.
I'm not willing to lose my middle gate
of Jannah.
I'm not willing to lose my entrance into
Jannah. I'm gonna shut that door of Shaytan
who tells me, who puffs me up with
arrogance.
Who puffs me up with arrogance to speak
to my parents in a certain way. I'm
going to shut that devil up. Shut the
door of that devil because I don't wanna
lose the door with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Closure.
Shut it quickly.
When the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam talks about
2 brothers,
May Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, guide our hearts
and rectify our situation.
The Prophet, sallallahu alaihi wasallam,
that the gates of Paradise are open every
Monday Thursday.
The deeds are elevated to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala And Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala forgives every
single person who does not associate a partner
with Allah, except for 2 brothers who have
hatred
between them. Allah Azzawajah says,
leave these 2 until they reconcile amongst themselves.
The doors of heaven are shut to them.
Do you understand the implications?
For each and every single one of us,
the doors of heaven are shut to
them until they reconcile.
And so if someone is feeling
that where Izzah holds them,
where arrogance holds them and allows them to
keep on sinning.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam
The prophet, salAllahu alaihi wasallam, said it is
not permissible for 2 brothers. Imagine, he's speaking
to Madinah. People killed each other's parents here.
People fought each other in way worse ways.
And the prophet, salallahu alaihi wasalam, was the
1st person to manifest us in his life.
And he says 2 brothers ignore each other
for over 3 days. And so they see
each other, yal taqiyah,
and they walk away from each other. They
try to avoid each other. How many of
us can honestly say that this hadith is
not a direct indictment of us in some
way?
And they both turn away from each other.
And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is saying
the best of you is the one who
starts with the salam, who begins the salam,
who initiates the salam first.
And he said, sallallahu alaihiwasallam
manhadra akhahu sanafahu wa kasafki damihi.
The one who
ignores their brother
for a year is like the one who
spills their blood. And there's so much depth
to that
because here's what happens at that point
where you reject
al islah,
where you reject
because of
our own arrogance, we reject that. What happens
is that that person becomes the shape onto
you.
Kasafki damihi.
The scholars say the crime and the gravity
is like you're killing that person. And also
that it would be easy for you to
spill the blood of that person. Why?
And this is what it all comes down
to and what I wanna bring it back
to for all of us, especially as we
have 2 Janazas
in front of us.
Why is that?
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
did not close chapters
in his book,
but he did sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam change narrators.
He did not allow the chaipan to be
the narrator
of his story,
of those relationships.
And someone says, well, what about my what
about my rights? What about my reward with
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala?
What about my position?
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam says,
Allah does not increase a servant of his
in forgiveness except that he increases him in
glory, in honor.
Dear brothers and sisters,
we have to change the way we behave
with each other.
We have to learn to shut
shut these doors of Shaipan
between us and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
and between us
amongst each other, especially with our families,
especially with those that are closest to us.
If you don't like the last thing that
you said to your parents, if you don't
like the last thing that you said to
your spouse, the last thing that you said
to your children,
change it.
Change the tune.
Someone says, but it's awkward to confront these
things.
It's awkward to, you know, to say salaam
and to it's awkward to do this. It's
awkward to forgive. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable.
Dear brothers and sisters,
that moment of distress or that moment of
discomfort
is worth the relief of the entire day
of judgment.
That moment of awkwardness
is worth the anxiety on the day of
judgment wondering, wait a minute. What about this
and what about that? And in fact, it's
even worth it in this world too. SubhanAllah.
A person who sleeps with their heart empty
of those things by confronting them, confronting
the past trauma,
confronting the problems,
confronting the issues with their parents,
confronting and reconciling, and being willing always to
have the heart to to to forgive for
the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala and
using the right words with one another,
that person sleeps well at night,
and they rest on the day of judgment
as well.
You know what? SubhanAllah.
You look at this
entire person of the prophet
and how he dealt with this.
And there is not a single person in
the entire Sirat, villain or companion,
that could say that the prophet
mistreated me.
So you say, well, I
try. I'm ready to close the door.
I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. But the
other person is not.
Keep your door open with Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala. If that person wants to shut their
door with Allah
Allah that's between them and Allah
But keep your door to the heavens open.
Every single one of us has to interrogate
ourselves with that.
I ask Allah to
have mercy on the loved ones that have
passed away today, and I ask Allah
to forgive them for their shortcomings.
And I ask Allah to forgive us for
our shortcomings, and I ask Allah, Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala, to guide our hearts away from arrogance,
away from ego.
I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to allow
us to be amongst those that seek
honor and glory from Him and Him alone.
And I ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to
allow us to be amongst those who shut
the doors of shaytan in their lives and
who keep the doors open with Allah