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Tips for Having a Happier Family

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Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

Episode Notes

A happy family is worth all efforts. Nothing could be more satisfying than harmony and love at home.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Dena Yahoo Luna Ravana habla la mina as wodgina was Maria Tina kurata Union. This is the daughter of this Omar today. Let me tell you something, guys, I've traveled not that much. But I've traveled enough. I've seen enough of the oma to be able to make some observations. The crisis of the oma is not economics. It's not politics. It's not education. It's not corruption. That is not the crisis of the oma. The crisis of the oma is that the family unit is being destroyed. People don't know how to raise their kids anymore. People don't know what it means to be parents anymore. Husbands don't know what to what it means to be a husband anymore. wife doesn't know what it means to be a wife anymore.

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Children don't know what it means to be children anymore. That is being destroyed by the modern context we live in. And when when we learn this, we learn that one of the things that will protect us will save us save our oma is that we protect our family. We protect that unit. The biggest priority the parents in this room have the biggest priority you have is the Islam of your children.

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What will they do when you're gone? Are they only making slot because you're standing over there? Or are they making salad because you've been able to put the Taco Bell line their hearts

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jacoba his Salaam is dying, he's dying and he looks at his children and says Mata Guna min daddy

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I'm going to Shahada mode is called and even he

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is dying and he looks at his children says what are you going to worship after I'm gone? while I was here you used to pray us to worship allow us to meet God in but I'm leaving. What are you going to do after I'm gone? What are you going to do? That's tarbiyah this door. Our Master give us the gift habla give us the gift not Athena? Not Athena. Right. It's Helena, from Heba from Hebrew in Hebrew and Arabic means a gift that you didn't expect. Yeah, Allah give us the unexpected, undeserved gift What gift mean as wodgina was a reality Nakata from our wives and our husbands and our children, give us what makes our eyes so happy that it makes us cry. kurata it cools our eyes. You know what

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that means? It makes you so happy. You want to cry. When you listen to your child recite Quran, and they love reciting Quran that it makes you so happy. You want to cry.

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When you look at your wife and watch how she's raising your children, it makes you so happy you want to cry when she looks at the husband who wakes up his two children for his children for budget and takes them to the machine. She wants to cry. She's so happy.

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Our husbands cry, and our wives cry, but they don't cry because they're happy.

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They cry for other reasons.

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You know, we are asking the law for tears of joy. We want to be so happy with our family. How are we going to do that? Right now? Every day you go home, you fight with your wife, man. Every day you go.

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Like why were you so late? Why are you asking me always asked me Don't you know there's traffic look outside the window. And you start every day every day? And then you're so angry that you look at the child and he's like, what do you Why do you play with a toy? Why do you look happy?

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We don't have happiness here.

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Where's your homework? Like, I didn't get any homework. You know? Why not? I'm gonna complain to your school.

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You know, God, this is not karate.

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There are people who come to the machine for a lot.

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And salaat is supposed to make you give you peace. It's supposed to make you calm. It's supposed to settle you down. And then they go home and there's a tornado that walked into the house.

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Children or children hide under the bed. You know the wife gets off the phone. You know, you cannot be the reason for your family to be afraid of you. You should be a reason for your family to be joyed overjoyed. Your children should be loved or they should run to you and hug you when you come home.

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That's the relationship you should have with your children. And while I'm on this topic

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20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, parenting was different. Now it's not the same. You cannot afford to be I'm talking to the fathers here. You cannot afford to be authorities over your children.

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You cannot afford that you have to be friends and authorities with your children. Our fathers were not friends with us. They were authorities. We didn't like slap our dad on the back and say Hey Dad, let's go play some basketball. Let's play some football. We didn't do that. A Bucky mom Baba Abidjan. You sit straight

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Solomonic when you get their shoes. That was 20 years ago, 30 years ago. Your kids don't do that.

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And they won't. You were living in 2013 brothers and sisters

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We have to accept reality our children are exposed to a lot of things. It doesn't matter if you're in the Muslim world or anywhere else. If there are no remain, you have to respect your parents, but our children, we have to the only one who will give them the love of Islam is you and you will not be able to give it to them. If you're only an authority, if you only yell at them and tell them what to do, but you're not their friend.

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Every father here should know and master the video games your children play. You should be better if you're letting your kids play video games. First of all, that's a problem. But if you are letting them play, and you're not going to let them stop, then you better play with them.

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And you better be sitting there playing with them. You don't go watch the news. You're not going to change the world.

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Okay.

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You've watched enough news, believe me and nothing has changed.

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You need to know what you know whether the stock market went up or down. You don't even care about stocks. Why are you watching the news? It has nothing to do with you. Listen to it in the car. When you're in the don't come home and watch TV. Don't come home and watch the news. Come home and play with your kids. do homework with your kids. Talk to your kids. Take your kids to the mustard.

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Do that with them.

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Make your kids love you.

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I tell you I'm telling you if we don't have fathers, if the fathers don't do this, we will lose this on them. We will lose our next generation. I am telling you. I'm guaranteeing you. This is the real problem. The AI cannot come from America chef Mufti, mink and Mufti mink cannot come from, you know, all different places in the world. They come in this city and they give you a dose. We can only help a little bit.

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You can only help a little bit. The real change that will come in your child's life will come from you. will come from you. Roberta habla namanas wodgina Daria Tina kurata Yun. And now let me talk to the sisters for a little bit. Sisters, you're stuck with your husband, stop being angry. Accept it, and try to love your husband. Try to make your husband happy. Because believe me, if he gets even a little bit happy, you will be really happy.

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I'm telling you right now you say I'm angry. Why should he be happy?

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I know you I know. I've talked to enough of you. I know.

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He doesn't care about me. Why should I care about him? And he thinks the same thing. She doesn't care about me. Why should I care about her? You start? You'll be nice to him. You smile at him and he'll get he'll get all shot like Why are you smiling?

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Is everything okay? You know, is your is your mother here is that?

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You know, ah, you have to be nice to your husband. You have to don't dress up when you go to a wedding. Dress up for your husband.

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Even if you have four kids, it doesn't matter. Dress up for your husband. There's enough shaitan and fitna outside, your husband should find beauty in you not anywhere else. You should and you should be caught you should compliment your wife. You should say nice things to your wife. You shouldn't just always complain. Where are the keys? Where's the mail? Did you get them? Did you get the groceries? Did you do this? Did you or you didn't do anything? Oh you don't listen to me. Stop man. There's not enough salt. There's too much salt. There's not enough sugar. There's too much sugar. There's not hot enough. It's too hard. Stop, stop. say nice things to your wife. And I know if

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you're like Indian Pakistani, that it's very difficult for you.

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I know. It's very hard to say nice things to your wife. In our culture. If you say nice things to your wife, your ribs hurt.

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You know, so you have to immediately follow it up with something mean, you have to say something bad right effort to balance the equation. You can't just say nice things. So if the food is really really like, Oh, I still want to check on me. But I still hate your mother like something you have to

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you have to add something

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you know, but don't try to be this is the dryer we're asking a lot to give us so much happiness from our wife and our husband and our children that it makes us want to cry out of joy. How will that happen? You cannot ask Allah for something and not make any effort yourself. It doesn't work that way. You cannot say Robbie Gianni mukhi masala tea May Allah make me establisher of the prayer and you're sitting lying down in bed ovens going on. You're like me mukhi masala tea.

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I was not going to send you angels that carry you and lift you to the slot and doesn't make you make Roku and get you back. You got to get up yourself man.

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You make dawn you make some effort yourself. You're not going to make dough and all of a sudden your wife will start loving you know you have to show her love you. You have to do that you have to make some effort in the house. I am telling you this is the work of the oma today fixing the family, fixing the family and when our children see that the husband and wife

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are fighting with each other, they slip through the cracks. So they get in trouble with the mother, they run to the Father. When they get into trouble with the Father. They run to the mother and they know they can do whatever they want that way. Because they know father and mother don't like each other. When father and mother are a team. Oh, man, then they got nowhere to go.

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You went home, you go to mom, mom's like, Okay, hold on. Let me call your dad. Let's talk about this together. Oh, no, no, no. I was hoping we could discuss this by ourselves without getting father involved. No, no. You know, this is humbling. I mean, as wodgina was reacting.

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And why should we do this? Why should I care so much about raising a good family being a good husband? Well, why when you're a good husband, your son will be a good husband.

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When you're a good wife, your daughter will be a good wife, sisters. This is what's good. And if you're not, then you will create bad families now in the future and you will be the fault. You will be the reason. So we say what's your I'm not living with Tatiana Mama, make us I'ma make us leaders over people that have Taqwa. In other words, everybody who has a household is an Imam, you have an imam of the masjid. You have any mom have you know the masala. But every house has any mom. You're the mom of your house.

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I don't care if you have a beard or not. You're the mom of your house. I don't care if you memorize put on or not. You're the mom of your house. And you want to make sure that your household that you are a mom over these people are looked at in. The last thing I want to share with you about these requirements is why why did it let's say what I learned with Akina Mama, on judgment day when I stand in front of Allah as an Imam, over my six children and my wife, when I am a mom over them, they will be tied to me.

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And if I didn't do my job with them, and they made mistakes, because of me, their mistakes will also cost me I will be dragged down with them.

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But if I raised my children correctly, and I did good with them, and they went on to serve as dean and become good people earn good deeds that allow raises them and when he raises them automatically because I'm chained to them. He raises me. We asked a lot to be with Mr. McDuffie. Because we asked that because we need it on Judgement Day, my deeds are not enough. I'm going to need commission from my children and their children and their children and their children.

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I tell you something,

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where I you know, I'm originally from Pakistan. And I come from a family and a extended family. That's not very religious. We're not like, super religious. I wasn't raised religiously. And we made some solid here and there. But overall, we're not that, you know, and most Pakistani families are like that. There are some that are religious, but most of them in our circle, at least we're not like that. Right.

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And you know what? They were really like, when I started learning more about the religion, my cousins and other family members were kind of a little bit in shock. Or a little bit taken back. Why are you growing a beard? We don't do that. You know, why is your wife wearing Hijab and niqab and all of that? Why she doing that? You know, why do you Why can't you be regular? Why can't you be normal? They said, right, because normally we know women don't wear hijab and it's all good. And the men are the way they are and salata once in a while is fine. No big deal. You go to a wedding by author time. MongoDB shall go by nobody cares. Songs are playing this little problem, right? And so

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they say you are leaving the tradition. Why aren't you like us? Why do you want to be like the Mona Lisa. What do you want to be? I'm a really strange I'm always albino. I'm wearing a suit. I know. It's weird. It's confusing to you. I understand. I'll explain it to you one day, I'll come back and explain it to you.

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But for now, let me tell you something. Look back two generations ago. Look at the picture of your great grandfather and his wife. They barely had black and white photographs back then.

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Well, guess what grandpa's got a big old beard and grandma's got you don't even see her face.

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That's our tradition.

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Someone in this lineage decided that they will not take the deen seriously.

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Then their children decided not to take it. They take it even less seriously.

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And their children take it even less seriously until you get to a point where they're not even Muslim.

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I met a I met a fellow while I was in. I was at a Quran conference in Las Vegas. I swear it was a foreign conference. Okay. So I was there at a Quran conference and I met this really old white couple. You know, they're in their 90s, blond hair, blue eyes. They came into the machine.

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And I said, What are you doing here? He goes, Well, we just became Muslim last year.

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And we decided that we want to meet as many Muslims as we can before we die. So we go stop at every machine in America. And we started in Ohio and now we've made it to Vegas, and we're going to

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Go on to California and so on. And I was like, why did you become Muslim?

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And 91 year old man and woman become Muslim. He said, I was looking up my family tree. And I realized that we're actually of Lebanese origin. And my great grandfather who moved to America was actually a Muslim.

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But then his son, my grandfather married a Christian. And then the children were raised pretty much between the two religions, and then they ended up choosing Christianity. And then we were raised Christian and I've been raised a Christian, My children are Christian. But when I look back at my lineage, I said how was My great grandfather Muslim? What is Islam anyway? I started reading it I came back to Islam. So hon Allah so how do

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you know what how many people lose their religion? How many people and you don't have to become a Christian or a Jew or an atheist to lose your religion? Isn't it enough that we're not even praying anymore?

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Isn't it a level there are children aren't even praying anymore? Allah says him for unfasten the Kabbalah Salah

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he didn't confirm the truth and the proof is he didn't pray.

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Accepting the truth of Islam the proof of that is what you pray. You don't pray that means you don't really think it's the truth. Finance of the Kabbalah Sana well I can get the rotonda he lied. He called it a lie and he turned away from it. If it is the one that is not turned away from the prayer, you know