Nouman Ali Khan – How Do We Make Marriage Easy – Khutbah Highlight

			But I digress from the point the point the first point I wanted to make is how do we make marriage
easy? Because this is something this is the way of shaitan you know what the way of shaitana sha
Allah Allah to help you Rahim, Allah put it so brilliantly the way of shaitana society is you make
the Haram easy. And you make the halal difficult.
		

			When Allah says, get young people married, or get non married people married, allow them to get
married. This is a broad commandment. And who does it apply to? You would think it applies to
people, okay, once this boy has graduated from school, once he's got a good job, once he's got a
good amount of savings, once he's got, you know, a little bit of the return on investment paid back
to his parents, you know, once he's done, this, this, this, this and this, and once you know,
everybody else in the family is taken care of, then we'll think about getting him married. Because
if we get him married right now, all of his attention will go to his wife, we're not gonna get
		

			anything. So we need this is our son, this is our investment, we need to get our money's worth
first, before we allow him to get married. And even when we do get married, this needs to not just
be a matter of our material gain, this is a matter of family pride, we need to make sure that
someone that we can show off, you know, someone that we can be proud of, and take lots of pictures
and invite, you know, have a huge gathering ceremony and be able to show that we married in a in an
upper class, family, etc, etc. So the considerations for how you get somebody married, you put age
restrictions on your your men and your women as a matter of fact, and for women, it's the exact
		

			opposite. In many families, the moment she turns into a teenager, they start getting like I need to,
I need to, you know, get rid of my responsibility. I need to just, it's like a disease in your home
that you want to just get rid of that you want to throw this girl out. And there are young women
that are depressed because their fathers and their mothers, all they talk about is you're still
sitting at home, you're not getting married, you're still sitting at home. And on the other hand,
the opposite is these young men that want to get married. And the parents say No, not yet. You're
not ready you're not ready look at what the IRA does. While Solly Hain I'm in a BODYCOMBAT ima you
		

			can even get good, the good among your slave men and women back then there was a slave society too.
And the people that are making virtually no money are the slaves. Allah says get them married to so
the rationale that somebody has to be at a certain economic status before you think about marriage
was crushed by one statement removed from the equation. The only thing mentioned in the equation is
are they are they of the age should they be married. And the second is they're solid Hey, they're
good people. Good means they're good with Allah also means they're mature. They're ready. They're of
the age. Well, Salah Hanaa mean everybody Kumba EMA ICO. And then Allah azza wa jal adds to that
		

			because there are people who still consider these matters. Ie Akufo Cara Unio yagni him Allah hoomin
Fun Lee, if they happen to be bankrupt, if they don't have a lot of money, don't worry, that's not
your problem, Allah will give them well from his own blessing.
		

			Because bankruptcy to Allah is a lesser problem. But Aima Aima means lots of people in society that
are not married, that's a much bigger problem. Not having money is a less problem. But not having
people tied down in healthy relationships. That's a much, much bigger problem to Allah. You know,
when I was studying this word, I even found a narration and now who can I get? I will do sallallahu
alayhi salam ala Rasulillah Salam used to actually seek refuge from a society with a lot of single
people used to be worried about the OMA becoming people, a lot of single people just happy the way
they are. And they're not happy the way they are. It's just that their families kept pushing them
		

			candidates that they're not interested in, and the one they wanted to marry, they're not allowed to
marry. And so they say whatever, I'll just stay single. And you know, when somebody says I stay
single doesn't mean I stay an angel. Let's understand to be very clear what that means. If there's a
30 year old, and he's a professional, and he's making good money, and she's 29 years old, or 28
years old, and she's graduated from school, and she's not married, that does not mean temptation
hasn't come to them. Sin hasn't come their way that they've just they've just lived this pious life
like they're living in the city of Medina, back in the day. And by the way, even the city of Medina
		

			had its issues. The city of Medina had pretty crazy situations. If you study the life of the prophet
saw them carefully. And what happened with the Companions around stuff happened. I mean, I was just
this morning, I was reading about the narration of a Sahabi, who went back to Makkah, and he used to
have literally a girlfriend. The words in the narration are kalila a girlfriend back before he
became Muslim, and she saw him and she goes, my luck. What's wrong with you? Don't you want to be
alone with me again, literally, is what she said. And he said, Well, that's there's a slam between
you and me now. That's what he said. And she got mad at him and she got her brothers and friends to
		

			beat him up.
		

			He said, Okay, the only way for us now is I have to marry you. And she says, Fine, marry me because
I have to ask the Prophet
		

			First, because he doesn't know if he can marry someone who's anonymous and so he goes back to the
province place alone and he asked him and then the IRS came down that and you have machinery cards.
You know don't marry Mushrik women until they believe if she wants to accept Islam fine if not, then
no. You know if she wants to leave her pagan pagan ways, then fine. But I digress from the point the
point the first point I wanted to make is how do we make marriage easy? Because this is something
this is the way of shaitan you know what the way of shaitana sha Allah to help you Rahim Allah put
it so brilliantly the way of shaitana society is you make the Haram easy, and you make the halal
		

			difficult
		

			that and when that happens in a society shaitaan is one because people will gravitate towards what
is easy. So today, if you want pleasure for your eyes, what can you capture on a screen where the
places you can go the access that you have at your workplace, at your campuses, you know, on your
mobile devices, on social media platforms, on dating apps, you name it, all of that has become easy.
And while the door to haram to fulfill because human beings men will have desire for women, that's
something Allah put inside them. It's not going to go away. Women will want companionship, it's
something Allah put inside. It's in their nature. That's why families come together anyway. When
		

			that is the door to the unhealthy the filthy, the impermissible is wide open. And then that young
man comes to his parents and says, I think I need to get married. I know I'm only in my third year
of college. But this is getting out of hand Mom, this is getting out of hand that I think I need
doesn't say that my hormones are driving me crazy. Man, the girls on campus, I don't even know what
to tell you. Seriously, though, you know, this one girl keeps texting me out. He's not going to talk
like that to his dad, or his mom. He's just gonna say Mom, I think I need to get married. He's gonna
coded in a nice way. And then what appearance do they humiliate this young man? Oh, can't hold it in
		

			Hmm. can control yourself? Well, I was 40 when I got back into your father starts giving you
lectures. You know? Like, how are you 40 You're 50. Now.
		

			You know.
		

			So what we've done as parents oftentimes is oppress and suppress what naturally Allah put inside of
us, especially in a time when the Haram is wide open, then you have to go out of your way to make
the halal easy. You have to go out of your way and you can only battle the Haram by by opening the
doors to the salon. And to be able to say to our young men and women, this door is open for you.
Before you ever even think about making mistake. Come talk to us. Let us know Look your family
pride. You know you want to take you wanted your son or daughter to marry somebody within the within
the race within the city within the village. You know within the extended cousins God knows what
		

			what you had in mind for them. You had all these dreams for them. If you wanted to have them marry
within the village, why didn't you stay in the village? Why did you bring them here? Why don't you
let them go to college? Why didn't you let them? Why did you let them see the world you didn't put
you're trying to pretend that the world is still what it was it's not the world has changed. The
world was even different from the makin Sahaba when they moved to Medina, the sahaba. Notice these
are not like women of Morocco. This is different. Society was different for them. When people
migrate, there's a new society. And we have to adapt to that. And to refuse to accept that as a form
		

			of oppression. It actually goes against the idea that says allow people to get married, open that
door up. Which comes to the next point. When some proposal comes your way. You have daughters like I
have daughters may Allah azza wa jal help all of us who have daughters, you know, or in sons to
throw them in the door. But you know, but if,
		

			if you have daughters and some proposal comes, she's of the age, it's a good match. She likes him.
It's okay to ask, Do you like him? It's not it's not haram to ask. It's actually an important thing
to us. Do you like him? She says, I don't like how he looks done, finished. You can't force them
anymore. I don't like I'm not attracted to him. I stuck for Allah that will come Allah will put it
in your heart. No, it won't. That's not how it works. If she says I don't like him, he's too fat.
He's too short. He's ugly. I'm you know, I don't like his personality, whatever she says she doesn't
even have to give you a reason. She doesn't she could just say no, that's it. And by the way, later
		

			on in this I won't get time to get to it. But I'll just refer to the phrase when to carry who Fattah
article model Bihar. Don't force your young girls to rebellion. That's the phrase in the Quran.
Don't force your run young girls to rebellion and the immediate interpretation actually of it was
don't make young women go into prostitution. Because in Medina, that's what they did with slave
women. They use them for to make money off of them as pimps and they used to literally pimp them in
the streets. That's what they did. And Quran came and spoke against that. But the phrasing Allah use
wasn't just about prostitution.
		

			He made it wide open. And what why is it wide open, when you force a woman to get married to someone
she doesn't want to marry, when you put you know, emotional pressure on her and say, if you don't
marry him, nobody's gonna marry you, your family is gonna be humiliated. We've already printed the
cards.
		

			When you do this kind of thing to your girls, and you get married, and then emotionally, they're not
in that marriage.
		

			They're still human beings, human beings still needs companionship, a human being still wants
somebody who can, who they can be attracted to who they can find comfort, and that desire does not
go away. And that desire will now be fulfilled by fantasy, by them thinking about things, by late
nights going on social media by other things, you force them into rebelling against Allah, because
you forced them into a marriage they didn't want to begin with. This is not to call you for the
article either below. Also, don't push this on your on your daughters. But coming back, this is
about men and about women, the young men of our community actually have to now stand up for
		

			themselves and have to say, I'm ready to get married. And I have somebody in mind. And that's,
that's the next thing I want to share with you. You know, when it comes to, you want a marriage that
lasts forever, like we want to, we want our boy to have the perfect girl. Good luck with that, by
the way.
		

			Because perfection is not going to happen in this and your boy isn't perfect. Let me let me tell
you, if you don't know, let me tell you. We're all human beings. And human beings have flaws. And
sometimes sometimes things work. And sometimes things don't work. But let me tell you, when a young
man and a young woman are old enough to get married, that actually means they're old enough to make
their own choice. Let me repeat myself, when they're old enough to get married, they're old enough
to make their own choice. And maybe you don't like their choice. And your job. And my job as parents
is to advise them and say, I don't think this is a good choice. I think that this is you could do
		

			better. I and your by the way, as a parent, I think I'm always gonna say you could do better. I'm
always gonna say that. But maybe, and maybe you think this is a mistake. But if your son is 25 years
old, your daughter is 30 years old. And she wants to make a mistake, that halaal mistake is way
better.
		

			That Halal mistake is way way and it maybe things don't work out in three years, that's still
better. That's still better than you refusing. Because I have seen enough cases I don't talk in
theory. I'm talking based on what I've seen the conversations I've had with people with real Muslim
families around the world, especially around the United States and Canada, where people are this,
this man comes and says I want to marry this girl. The father says no, you're not from the same
country, you're not from the same culture or whatever. You can get married to my daughter or the
other way around. But these two are still already emotionally attached. So they're texting each
		

			other and talking to each other, hanging out with each other having dinner with each other parents
don't know, five, six years go by they're refusing other proposals, then the girl is forced to marry
somebody else. And she's still talking to the guy.
		

			And all of this was that that evil, that evil, that this whoever she married didn't deserve this. He
didn't deserve this. But all of that evil was created by the stubbornness of parents who didn't
realize that their children live in a different time. Where we're allowing marriage first is a
bigger priority than anything else. You have to understand when these Ayat came down, they came down
in Medina, and the Arab people are a lot of the time especially were very tribal, they wanted to
maintain their NASA, at all cost you maintain your lineage, lineage is a very, very big deal. So
marrying outside your tribe was not a common thing. But now the Sahaba are in Medina and they're
		

			outcasts from their own city anyway. And a lot of the people that were in Medina, they've accepted
Islam so they're outcasts from their own tribes. So they're going to be marriages outside of their
culture you have to understand it's not just an Arab marrying an Arab This is a heavily marrying
someone from time for somebody you know, there's all this inter tribal marriage happening which is a
big deal to them. It's as big a deal today than a Pakistani marrying a Bangladeshi or stuffing Allah
Halloween, you know, or a Lebanese marrying an Egyptian in Allah He went daily he Radziwill How can
that be? You know, this, this was a big deal to them. But Allah said, No, forget all of that. Just
		

			make sure that marriage itself becomes easy, just that much. And Allah will take care of the rest.
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