Nouman Ali Khan – Attachment to Celebrities Q&A

			They gave me 1000 hours, but I'm able to give them 30 seconds. And then I say something like, I
really need to get going. Would that be okay? No, no go I go, I quit. But deep in their heart, they
got really hurt. I gave this person so much of my time. And they couldn't even give me 30 seconds.
It could. Yeah, and some people send very distraught messages to me. Is it true that you said this?
Is it? Yep. Are they good?
		

			Sup, guys,
		

			so, boys, what's your names? Are they? Yes, brothers. Right. Yeah. Well, let's have a chat a little
bit. I think you had a question in mind. Yeah. So what do you think of I guess celebrity culture
nowadays and people thinking that they're really attached to celebrities when the reality is the
relationship isn't really reciprocated?
		

			Yeah, I wouldn't know I'm not well yeah.
		

			I think it's it's a very common phenomenon where people's you know, they connect to famous person,
especially nowadays it's easy to become a celebrity to arrange stuff. You don't have to go through a
TV station or take find a venue sir. You can just get grabbed you can do on your phone and try and
become a celebrity.
		

			That's the role so and then if people are consuming your work and they're moved by what you're doing
or what you're saying, and they feel you know connected to you especially in our case, it's
regarding Islam right in my case, it's I'm talking about Allah's Deen. And of course, we have a
natural attachment Tala zine, and now it becomes well, this person helped me connect with the Quran.
So now I have an emotional connection to indices me. Yeah, right. But the reality of it is I, I
don't know you. And I theoretically care about you because you're a member of the OMA, but I know
nothing about you or as an individual individual. And I also have limited fuel in the tank, like,
		

			emotionally, I have space that's taken up by my kids, by my wife, by my parents, by my family, by my
siblings, by my friends by for myself, there's human beings only have so much emotional space in
their life right? Now, the person on the other end, listened to me for 1000 hours. So they've given
me a lot of their life. Right? They're really invested in me.
		

			And some part of them feels like this person really cares about them, because I got so much from
them. That must mean subconscious, conscious or subconscious, they must have some kind of real
concern for me. Yeah. So then what happens? I'll tell you what happens in real life. I'll run into
somebody who's, you know, listened to me for God knows how long or god knows what impact something I
said had on their life. Allah use some of my words, to make them make a decision about their life
that completely changed their life. Yeah, I had no actual part in that. I just explained what I what
I understand of Allah's book. But the impact comes from what Allah puts in somebody's heart, right?
		

			So my words were used as a vessel to do that, but had no deliberate intention on my part. This
person sees me they start bawling in tears. Or I'm just walking down the street about to go eat a
burger. And person sees me and they're just crying. Yeah. And they just come without warning. Just
come and just give me a hug. Right. And that's happened more than once. Right? And in that moment,
they're thinking, what, what, what emotional response were they expecting from me? I know, I know. I
was there with you the whole time. But I wasn't. I wasn't there. Any of the time. I was sleeping
when you were watching me listening across the
		

			bar. I was, yeah, eating another burger somewhere else? Or something? You know? Yeah. Of course, I
have sympathy. And I have respect for that emotion. And I'm actually humbled that Allah made my
words so impactful by his decision that this person so moved by them, but at the same time, I'm
feeling I actually didn't have anything to do with that. I mean, I'm really glad you're hugging me
right now. But yeah, that wasn't actually my doing that was Allah is doing but I this is not the
time for me to correct and this is the time for me to give them at least some reciprocate. Some of
that maybe have been back salaam how are you? What's your name? Some little bit, right. But I also
		

			have to move on. Yeah. So it's almost like a contrast and like conflict of emotions, right? And then
like, they gave me 1000 hours, but I'm able to give them 30 seconds. And then I say something like,
I really need to get going. Would that be okay?
		

			But deep in their heart, they got really hurt. I gave this person so much of my time, and they
couldn't even give me
		

			30 seconds write
		

			that feeling. Now imagine that feeling if there are a million people who
		

			expect that from you time, times 30 seconds by a million. Right? And if I gave them two minutes,
would that be enough? It wouldn't if I give them an hour each, would that be enough? Maybe? Yeah.
Right? And then can I have your phone number, I need to talk to you about something personally, I
need to do because I was so personal to you. Then in your head, like expectation expectation, hey,
you should be giving me personal attention to which is practically impossible, right. But this will
happens in person. But this also happens online. People reaching out emailing, you know, direct
messages and things like that. And they're, like, emotionally invested in this person expecting that
		

			back. And when they don't get that back, I can't believe you're like this. I can't believe you're
not, you know, you don't care about, you know, and this is actually a really unhealthy
		

			tendency. Yeah, I think there are people that I've learned from that I'm very moved by that really
shaped the course of my life, and I've met them.
		

			And I know, I didn't have the tendency to want to hug them and cry and all of that, because I knew
something. I was aware that they're not aware of me, even though I'm aware of them. Right. So I need
to have them in mind when I interact with them. Not just myself. Yes. Almost like considering the
other person, right? Beyond just, oh, here's what happened in my life, almost say or this is this is
part of what I consider. With all due respect to such people main character syndrome, the world
revolves around what you feel, what you think, what you need, and now the other person needs to
cater to you and your needs. And I know you're really busy, but I have something to discuss with you
		

			about my personal. Yeah, but I'm not a counselor. Yeah, but I know, I know. But you I still need to
talk this out with you. Nobody else will understand. Now, that's also another false
		

			flag, right? Nobody, nobody else will understand. No one in your life. No human being other than
this person you look up on YouTube will understand this is entirely wrongs. But this this comes
from, you know, people go through many different difficulties in their life. And they may find that
the closest people around them are not very kind, right? And then they hear my voice. And then they
maybe they feel that there's a kindness here, right? I even met a young lady one time, when I was
traveling one of the countries she's like, I never loved my dad, because he was so harsh. I always I
always pretend to you're my dad.
		

			Right? And I was so moved by what she said. But I was also so sad by what she said, because there is
that, you know, this is called a parasocial relationship has nothing to do with parachutes. But it's
when you start projecting a connection to a person without them without actually them having a you.
Right. And it's something you should I think young people especially should be aware of, but it's
not just young people, in my experience has been older folks to be aware of that. And some people
try to go out of their way to go the opposite way. Yeah. Like, they'll come up to me out of nowhere
and say, Hey, listen to lobbies. I don't want to picture anything. Okay. I'm not a celebrity worship
		

			rose. I didn't say you are. Yeah. Oh, just walk into my burger. Yeah. Like,
		

			they just feel the need to just make sure that they don't have this problem, which is also a
problem. I'm just somebody that said some things that maybe you agree with, maybe you don't agree
with. And that's about the end of it. I can appreciate what good you've done or any of that. And
that's the extent of it. Right? Yeah. So those are my thoughts about these relationships. But I do
think it's, it's the world is heading in a very unhealthy direction people make these connections,
not just with me with others also. And then the problem with this being mixed with Islam is that
like,
		

			now you're emotionally connected to this person. And big through this person. Close your
relationship to Islam itself. Yeah. So you've become almost like a medium. Yeah, for somebody else's
Islam, which is a huge problem, because that means if your feelings towards me ever change, yeah,
for any reason, then the dangerously your relationship with Islam is going to change because it was
all pegged on me. Yeah, like, let's say somebody releases or not one car unexposed, really, I
suppose.
		

			The giant reputation.
		

			Then all of a sudden, there's a we're laughing but obviously that that could cause a big problem for
them, isn't it? It could Yeah. And some people send very distraught messages to me. Is it true that
you said this? Is it? Yep. Are they and
		

			how could you
		

			come down? Okay. Yeah.
		

			It's not the end of the world.
		

			Look in real life, you boys are fairly young. How old? Are you guys? 19? So, okay, so you're fairly
even in your family, your mom, your dad, your you know, other siblings? Anybody, uncles? Is there
anybody in your life you agree with 100% of the time?
		

			Not really.
		

			This guy all the time, I don't even agree with him all the time. All your brothers are supposed to
disagree.
		

			It's impossible to agree with someone all the time. Yeah, that's impossible. And even within Islam,
the idea that we're supposed to agree with all within Islam over all things, is, first of all,
didn't even happen among the sahaba. Second of all, is practically impossible. So and I'm not saying
every disagreement is legitimate. What I'm saying is disagreement, a reality of life, and not a
crisis. It's not a crisis. It's a reality of life. Right? Yeah. And once you come to terms with
that, then finding somebody who passionately disagrees with me on something or the other.
		

			Okay, they disagrees. It's about knowing their manager more than I would even invite someone to say,
Hey, I like what no one says here, here. Here. I really dislike what he says here, here here. And I
don't you know, I don't agree with him on these these things. Because knowing one of one of my
philosophies in life and what I want, I think a lot of especially you guys, I want you to take this
with you in life, I think it will really help you is your loyalty should be to your acceptance, or
rejection of something should be to ideas that people like, you're not Yeah, oh, this person is
good. And this person is bad. Or this person is acceptable. And this person is unacceptable. No, no,
		

			no, no. This person's the following ideas of this person resonate with me, and here's why. Yeah, the
following ideas of the same person I cannot find myself agreeing with and here's why. But my
disagreement doesn't dismiss the rest of it. The rest of this person, just like the person itself,
rather. Yeah, yeah. Your disagreements with each other don't dismiss the entire relationship. Yeah.
A disagreement between a husband and a wife doesn't dismantle the marriage. It's on one issue.
They're not in agreement. Yeah. You know, so, you know, that's this is kind of a very, over
exaggerated, like, super hyperbolized. So almost like the innate polarization online has almost
		

			driven this all apart. Yeah. Yeah. It's all or nothing, right? Yeah. And in the case of Muslims,
I've been talking about it like, either you're a saint or you're a devil. Yeah, like so. The fact
that you're human is off the table. You can only be a saint or a devil. You know? Yeah.