Nazim Mangera – 10 Extremely Important Pre Marital Questions

There's something which I collected here which is

not in the PowerPoint.

And this is a very important discussion that

important

premarital questions.

Okay? This is something which you all want

to write down. These questions make sure you

ask your prospective spouse. And the first one

is specifically for the males.

Okay?

Males I'm I'm watching guys. Make sure you

write this down. Pradha, are you writing it

down?

Okay. This is for the mills.

Okay. You guys ready? In your

female family members,

in your female family members,

does anyone have a beard?

No. Just kidding.

Okay, guys. I was just kidding with that.

Okay?

Girls, no beards. Okay? And and no mustaches

as well.

Alright. So important premarital questions.

Okay. So some topics which prospective couples must

discuss before they tie the knot.

And don't be afraid to ask these questions.

But at the same time, you know, don't

come with a list of, like, 100 questions.

Okay? Less like overdoing it. Alright?

So don't make a mistake and don't get

married without knowing your future spouse's thoughts

on these issues.

Otherwise, sometimes those same issues can kill a

marriage.

You know, thinking that you can deal with

this issue later in your marriage is a

mistake.

Number 1,

honestly the question, you know, we ask is,

have you ever been married before?

Okay. Have you been married before?

And are you married now?

Okay. Especially

for the males.

Have you been married before or are you

married right now?

Because sometimes, you know, I officiated 1 marriage,

and then later on the guy got busted.

And the first wife found out that he

got married again, so there's lot of issues

and difficulties.

Okay, next one.

Does religion play an important part in your

life?

Do you think faith and spirituality are important

in marriage? What's your view of or

face covering or the beard? Do you perform

5 daily prayers? If you think that is

important to you.

And not only that, but the concept of

the or

which scholars do you look up to? Which

scholars or which

do you like or you do not like?

You have issue with this or this scholar

which I like? Now all this is a

very important point because you don't want to

get married to someone and later on realize

that, you know, they have a different view

of how to do things in life. Even

though there's nothing wrong with it, and it's

sadly to say because of that sometimes,

a Muslim communities,

they're broken up because of the madhab or

because of a certain scholar. Let us realize

that the different madhabs, the different scholars,

different organizations out there, our purpose is 1,

how we all can be connected with our

creator.

Okay? So our heart should not be filled

with rancor,

and hatred, and animosity towards another group, or

towards another scholar, as long as they're doing

things Islamically.

Okay? As long as there's nothing wrong with

their and their faith, and with their Islam,

we should love all the different groups and

all the different organizations out there. What's the

use of walking around with hatred in our

hearts? Because when you have hatred in your

heart, then you'll just be a miserable person.

But this is important point because according to

some people, they don't like someone from that

mad hub or they don't they think badly

about that scholar. And this will have a

negative effect on your married life

and your children as well, that they want

to bring up their child in one way,

and you want your children to be brought

up in a different way. So the second

question is about your faith and religion.

The third question is and this is important.

Okay. Do you have any loans or debts

which need to be repaid?

If yes, then who will repay the loans?

Will your family take care of them? Or

will I have to take care of it?

If so, how are you making progress to

eliminate the debt?

From school loans to car loans,

credit cards to bad spending habits,

most people they get married with financial baggage.

If one partner has more debt than the

other, or worse yet one partner is debt

free,

The sparks can start flying when discussions about

income, spending, and debt servicing come up.

Okay? So this is important as well. And

many times, people get married nowadays and then

they realize that their husband or their wife,

they have $20,000,

$30,000,

$40,000

loan from their education

and from their studies. And eventually, you know,

the parents, they're they're not gonna pay for

it anymore. Why? Because their daughter or their

son is married off, and now the husband,

they have to discuss it. Who will take

care of it? Will it be from the

husband's money? Or will will the parents be

helping out and all these things? So this

is a very important question.

Okay. Next one, will you be studying after

marriage and for how long?

This is the important question that for a

male or a female, you're studying right now.

So after marriage, will you continue studying? And

how long do you want to study for?

Question number 5, will you be working after

marriage? And for how long? How many years?

We're getting married right now. Do you still

want to work after marriage? Or after marriage

I still want to study, or I want

to work after marriage. What is your view

on that? That after marriage will you let

me study or not? Will you let me

work or not?

Okay. So these are important discussions

at points which should be brought up in

the premarital questions.

So next point number 6 is, when do

you want to have children, and also do

you want to have children or not at

all? So if the husband has or or

the wife has made a decision that I

don't want to have children in my marriage,

then you need to find that out.

Because it is happening nowadays that the husbands

or the wives, they're going to marriage not

wanting children. So that's something which should be

questioned about and which should be talked about

prior to marriage.

Marriage. We'll be discussing it later on

that you get married

right now and you might be young and

you're still studying. Okay?

You're you still want to study, or it's

the first couple of years of your marriage

and,

the the discussion, the topic

of having children.

Islamically, are you allowed to use birth control

and contraceptives,

especially in their 1st years of marriage for

various reasons.

You know, the reason of you're still studying.

Because you know that if you have children

then, you know, it'll be hard for you

to continue your studies. Or the 1st year

1st couple of years of marriage, and you

know that the 1st year of marriage, this

is the most difficult year of your marriage

in your life. And you don't want that

to be exacerbated

because of having children in the 1st year.

Okay. So are you allowed to use contraceptives

and birth control

for these two reasons specifically?

Okay. So that was number 6, about children.

Number 7.

And this is important as well that our

children that how do you want to bring

them up in the future? Do you want

to send them to an Islamic school? Do

you want to send them to a public

school? Do you want to homeschool them? Or

for example, you want your future children to

be Islamic scholars. What do you want your

children to do and to be in the

future, and how are you gonna take care

of their secular education, religious education?

This is happening in marriages as well that

the husband wants homeschooling, the wife doesn't. Or

the wife wants Islamic school, the husband doesn't.

Husband wants public school, the wife wants Islamic

school. And lot of these fights and quarrels

happen many times in marriages nowadays. This is

one of the reasons on how to bring

up children.

I mean, you don't decide yes or no

just because of this point, but it's something

that you want to keep in front of

you when you make your final decision about

the person.

The next question,

that after marriage, where do you want to

live? With your parents or separately?

And this is specifically also important for the

females. You know, this question that they will

be asking that after marriage, do you want

you to stay with your parents, or are

you gonna be ready to live alone in

a different place after marriage? And as males

we have to realize, the person who we

are going to marry, you know, she's not

your servant.

Okay? Don't marry someone with the intention

that she's gonna take care of your mother

and your father.

Okay. That's not her duty, that's not her

responsibility.

And one person said to me that, you

know, I wanna marry someone, and that person

should be ready to take care of my

mom and my dad.

No, this is a completely wrong outlook. That

is not her responsibility,

it is your responsibility.

The brothers and the sisters, the sons and

the daughters of of the parents, it is

their responsibility

to take care of the parents. It is

not the responsibility of your wife to be

a servant to your your parents, and your

brothers, and your sisters, and everybody else.

You're not marrying someone for the sake of

that person taking care of your parents.

Okay. And and there's a whole discussion to

this, and I'll discuss

this issue of where should you be staying

and and residing after you get married? With

your parents or separately?

If with your parents, where in the house

and things like that.

But this is important point.

Next point, and considering what's going on nowadays

with all the STDs and STIs and sexually

transmitted infections and everything else, that you suffer

from any chronic disease or venereal disease or

condition.

Are you aware that you're infected with an

STI, sexually transmitted

infection or any other disease? And are you

willing to take a physical exam by a

physician before marriage?