Navaid Aziz – Prophetic Listening How It Can Transform The World #06
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of listening for the sake of understanding and responding, as well as the need for individuals to be mindful of their emotions and intentions. They also stress the benefits of deep listening, including creating deep connections and being present for oneself, and offer advice on how to deal with baggage and trauma, including regular checkups for mental health. The speaker emphasizes the importance of evaluating one's relationship and potential hurdles for success, using anger as a discipline and offers advice on living a purposeful life, citing negative behavior stemming from anger.
AI: Summary ©
of Israel and the Saudi Arabia. Surely everyone knows that the Middle East and Africa Hakone.
My dear brothers and sisters as salaam alaikum, Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
Who can share with me
two difficult emotions that coexist at the same time. And I'll share where I'm coming from with this question and an example of it. So this is my last Holika. On this book bit Nila he, tada. And spineless it's been a remarkable journey, I really, really enjoy learning, studying and teaching shake mikayel Smith halfway through Allah's books like this, it's just a phenomenal process panela. So there's an element of sadness that it's coming to an end. But there's also an element of happiness, that Alhamdulillah is another app that has been completed. So we have sadness and happiness that are coexisting at the same time for the same event, basically, but from two different
perspectives. So who can share a perspective where you have two difficult emotions that will exist at the same time. And you can think of an example.
Go ahead,
looking like relief with
pain or shock.
So give me an example. Could be maybe like a, a job loss. It's like the shock and pain is there. But then relief could follow saying, Okay, I don't do the work anymore, am I?
Excellent. So we have an example of a job loss, a person is in shock is sad, that they've lost their job, but then the relief comes in that you know what, I probably hated that job anyways. And now Hamdulillah, I get a chance to reinvent myself and look for another job. And if that didn't happen, I probably wouldn't have left this job. So that's something that's an example. What's another example? Go ahead.
The family of the martyr
of course, excellent. So I'll make this more broad Inshallah, if you think about the situation and for listening, our brothers and sisters that are being killed in Gaza, and a Philistine, Allah subhanaw taala help them Allahumma I mean, it's a sad situation that human beings are dying, but it's a happy situation from the sense that Insha Allah, they're being you know, facilitated a pathway to paradise as martyrs Bismillahi Tada. So sadness and happiness coexisting at the same time. And as we conclude this book with Allah, He Tada, what I'm hoping that we'll learn about ourselves is that we are very, very complex creations of Allah subhanaw taala. From that
perspective, that will have multiple emotions existing at the same time, and will have multiple emotions, that will change very quickly. So at one moment, you know, you want to be comforted. Another moment, you want to be left alone, right? It's always that balance between wanting to be with someone versus wanting to be alone. And this is like the ongoing joke that single people are complaining that they're single and married, people are complaining that they are married, because as human beings, we're always wavering between what we're wanting, and what we are desiring. So with that introduction in mind, let's move on to chapter number five, which is the Islamic framework for
listening. And he takes from the works of Abdul Karim Rahim, Allah hota, Allah, and he breaks it down into three categories of listening that have no time, Rahim Allah defines, he says, summer on the Iraq, summer alhfam, and summer on the job. So the first of all, it is summer Iraq is hearing for the sake of knowing. So you're hearing just for the sake of capturing information. And then the second is hearing for the sake of comprehending and understanding. And then the third of them is hearing for the sake of responding hearing for the sake of responding. And I'm not talking about him a whole lot. He argues that when you look in the Quran, and Allah subhanaw taala speaks about
listening, he will speak about listening from one of these perspectives, were people those that listen for the sake of knowing those that listen for the sake of understanding and those that listen for the sake of responding and will know the selves within themselves. They are not blameworthy, right. So listening for the sake of knowing is not blameworthy, but what becomes blameworthy is that if you stop without progressing to the next level, if you stop without progressing to the next level, so you continue to listen for the sake of understanding then for the sake of under for the sake of knowing, then understanding and then responding. And this goes back to the ethos of the
believer of Samia and our Aparna we hear and we obey, right so that is what the ethos of the building
versus meant to be that the here so they ultimately respond to Allah Subhana Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
is now call him Rahim Allah, He says words are symbols that represent deeper meanings, words or symbols that represent deeper meanings. So every time a word is uttered every time a word is mentioned in the Quran, there are multiple layers that you can peel off in terms of understanding. So it can be historical context, it can be with regards to individual context who is revealed about and why it's revealed. And then it can also become something very, very subjective. That's, you know, how often Subhanallah someone's going through a difficult today, they just randomly open up the Quran. And that verse is naturally speaks to them, right? It's naturally tied into something
that's happening in their lives. So these layers that you can peel off as you reading the Quran, are very, very important. And if you only restrict yourself to one layer of knowing what the words of the Quran are, but not trying to understand them and implement them, and then responding by, you know, enacting them in your life, you're doing yourself a disservice, you're doing yourself a dis service, Allah subhanaw taala. He tells us in the Quran in surah Al Arraf. Indeed, we have destined many jinn and humans for health, they have hearts that do not understand eyes that do not see and the ears that do not listen. They are like cattle. In fact, they are even less guided. Such people
are entirely heedless. Such people are entirely heedless. So now if you look at the words that are being used over here, that these people have eyes that cannot see ears, that cannot hear hearts that do not understand. You take this at a literal level, at a factual level, you're like, This is what it is. And this is who these people are. Allah subhanaw taala compares them to cattle. But what is the actual message that Allah subhanaw taala is trying to tell us? So is it literally that these people yours and their eyes and their hearts don't function? No, it's not a literal statement over here. Their ears worked first, we find their eyes work perfectly fine. Their heart works perfectly
fine. But they're not using these faculties to their highest potential. They're not using these faculties to the highest potential. So now you're understanding what Allah subhanaw taala is trying to say. So now how do you enact upon this? How do you respond to reverse like this? How you respond to a verse like this is Allah subhanaw taala has blessed me with a heart that understands eyes that see and ears that here, let me use them for good. Let me use them for good. So now you take a verse of the Quran and as to how you implement it, no claim Rahim Allah has a framework to this. Rosy he goes on to explain that had these people truly not possess the ability to think, see and hear. They
would not be accountable before Allah, and therefore they were not blameworthy and therefore they are not blameworthy. And this shows us that the Quran is not meant to be understood. Literally. The Quran is not meant to be understood. Literally. Here's a question for you.
What is the difference between understanding the Quran literally versus understanding the apparent meaning of the Quran?
Can anyone tell me the difference? The difference between taking the Quran literally versus understanding the apparent meaning of the Quran
with a Shabbat okay. So you have you know, some verses that are ambiguous and vague, and some verses that are crystal clear, that is accurate Allah subhanaw taala defines verses like that, but when we understand the Quran, or do we have a literalist approach to understanding the Quran? Or do we have an appearance, you know, based approach to understanding the Quran? If you answer a period based approach, what is the difference between a literal based approach and an appearance based approach?
We have a hand up in the back
where it's more apparent, okay. So that's one way to look at it that the Quran is more applicable as it becomes more apparent. Go ahead. I would say the literal literal
grammar
and
where they are
a lot with a lover
by fitting that
word or how to word or whatever, that
you see the general movie
Okay, so you're saying that both are applicable. Now I'll reframe what I'm trying to get at is if you need to have a framework for understanding the Quran, are we taking everything in the Quran literally is what I'm trying to understand.
And if the answer is no, then what type of framework are we using? Bismillah?
Okay
excellent, so you need to have a holistic approach to understanding the text that is factually true and undisputed. Now, going back to this component, what I want to try to get at is that the Quran is not meant to be a literal book. So not everything in the Quran is meant to be taken literally. But the Quran is meant to be taken at face value, you are meant to accept from it what is apparent. So if you look at this verse, literally, you would think that these people did not hear and were unable to see and do not have hearts that undergrad comprehended, right? That is the literal meaning. But is that the intended meaning? And the answer is no. The intended meaning is that these people had
all these faculties, but did not use them appropriately. Now, where do we get this intended meaning from? That is what Mr. hodda was mentioning over here, you need external sources to help you understand those meanings. This is the importance of tafsir. This the importance of understanding the rules of Revelation, and so on and so forth. So as you're studying the Quran, one of the biggest services that you will do is to study it with tafsir. It's great to read the Quran cover to cover, it's great to know the translation of the Quran, but also study the Tafseer of the Quran, as well.
So he goes on to talk about the relationship between listening, and baseball. And I really liked this example that he gave, he says catching a ball takes concentration, focus and attention. It cannot be done passively. Like if someone's throwing a ball, you can't be doing something else while you're doing it, right. Like your focus has to be on the ball. Because what's going to happen if you're not focusing on the ball, you're going to end up getting hit. And it goes on to say it is active by nature, if you don't try and catch the ball, it will simply hit you and fall to the ground. Similarly, when it comes to communication, if we don't actively try to catch what is
communicated to us, we will fail to connect with those around us. So it gives a beautiful example over here that as you're communicating with people imagine that they're throwing different types of balls at you. And it's not just a single ball that you're playing catch with communication is multiple balls, you have a ball of the words that are used, you have a ball of tone and expression, you have a ball of facial language and body language. These are all of the different balls that are in play. So as you're communicating with someone, if you're not focusing and you're not paying attention, then these balls are going to hit you and you're going to drop and you're going to be
doing a disservice to the person that you're trying to communicate with. So it's very important that you're paying attention to those things.
Then he goes on to talk about listening for understanding the beginning of secure attachments. So one of the main objectives of of this book has been to help Muslims understand attachment theory, meaning how your relationship with your parents helps you establish or understand rather, your relationship with the world around you. Why is it that some people are naturally more skeptical? Why is it that some people are naturally more trusting? Why is it that some people easily make friends? And why is it that for some people, it's so difficult to do? So, he uses attachment theory to help Muslims understand this. So as he goes on to the second level of understanding or explain the
imminent claims, second level of of listening for understanding, he says that this is tied to attachment. And he says that if two things are taking place in the relationship, that relationship will never be successful. And that is that when an individual communicates, you are heedless, or you turn away from them, you are heedless, or you turn away from them.
And we've spoken about this in a previous halacha in the past, so I won't go into too much detail, but he lists being your present. But you're not all there, physically you're there. But emotionally, psychologically, you're not present, you're not available, and you're just completely distracted, that relationship will go nowhere, that conversation will go nowhere. That individual that does most of the speaking will not feel fulfilled at the end of it. And they will not feel as if they communicated what they needed to communicate. And then the second is the greater disaster, which is, you know what, let's get together and talk, but you never show up in the first place, you just
completely turn away. Right. And this is what a lot of the operation early on we're doing with the revelation. And this isn't in fact, addressing the Kure specifically, that either when revelation came down to them, they completely turned away, and he didn't want to listen, they used to block their ears. Or number two, they would hear the words of the Quran, but they wouldn't try to understand they wouldn't let it penetrate their hearts. And it is those two characteristics that prevent people from understanding that prevent people from understanding. And he gives a beautiful example of the exact opposite. That the more conversations you have with people that are physically
present, and psychologically and emotionally available, the more they will understand what you're trying to say, without having to use the words to save them without having to use the words to save them. And I'll share a personal example, demonstrate an example from the sealer. So usually, before these Hello does about half an hour before, I'll try to show up to the masjid. And I'll just try to do a review of everything that I want to discuss in tonight's Halaqa. And then sometimes people will see the lights on in the office, and they'll come and knock on the door. And there's no polite way of telling people look, I don't want to talk to you right now. You know, I want to focus on my
Holika I want to just do something. But Subhanallah when you have an understanding with someone, you could say something as simple as you know what, I look forward to hanging out with you later. And they completely get the message that now's not the time to sit in chat in the office, there will be time to chat later, rather than having to tell them brother or sister, can you please leave my office so that I can focus on, you know, preparing for the Halacha? But where does that understanding come from? It's one continuous conversation and understanding with that person. So someone you're meeting for the first time, you're literally going to have to spell out to them,
brother, sister, I need you to leave so that I can focus. But as that relationship develops, you don't have to be as straightforward and in simple terms mean to their face to tell them to leave, because that relationship has been developed. Now let us look at how that looks in the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
Abu Seidel for the RealAudio Allahu Taala Anhu. He narrates an incident that took place shortly before the passing of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which shows the depth of his bond with Abu Bakr Radi Allahu taala. And who Abu Bakr he tells us once the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ascended the number, and address the people. And he said Indeed, Allah gave his servant a choice between the world and that which is with him, and the servant chose that which is with Allah. Suddenly after the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said this, Abu Bakr, who was in the back of the masjid, began to weep. I Abu Saeed said to myself, why is Abu Bakr crying, Allah simply gave a
servant a choice between the world and that which is with Allah, and the servant chose that which is with Allah. After a few days when the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam passed away. I then realized that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was referring to himself. Abu Bakr was the most knowledgeable of us. He understood the prophets intention right away. The Prophet then looked at Abu Bakr and said, Don't cry, Abu Bakr the one who has been most favorable to me with his companionship and wealth is Abu Bakr. If I were to take a Khalil in this world, it would be Abu Bakr Subhanallah you see the two types of relationships they're both companions. Both amazing companions
are Bucha Adel coda, they are the Allahu Taala and who, you know one of the top 10 companions in terms of those that narrate Hadith from the Prophet SAW Salem. He spent a lot of time with him without a shadow of the doubt. Yet when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that his slave that Allah slave was given the choice between the life of this world and then with that which is with Allah subhanaw taala and the slave chose that which was with Allah subhanaw taala
You know, could be a variety of things that Allah you know gave me a choice between something halal and something haram. And I chose that which is halal, right? That is the something that we would often equate. And that is where the minds of the vast majority of companions went to. But Abu Bakr Radi Allahu taala. And who he knew exactly what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was referring to. Why? Because of a Bacara, the Allahu taala, and who was physically present, emotionally and psychologically available, as he was interacting with the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, and as he was conversing with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam,
which then brings us to the third level, which is responding, responding. So Sheikh McHale, he starts off by saying that as you're conversing with someone, there's three types of responses that should be naturally taking place in your conversation. And one of the ways to identify that you're doing your job as a listener, is to identify these three things. Number one, is prompting. And by prompting, he says, prompting involves using moments of silence, and brief statements of encouragement to draw more information from the other, for example, saying something like, that's interesting, really, tell me more, right? So you're prompting. So this is the first thing that you
should be doing is showing your interest and trying to get more information trying to get more information. Number two, is questioning, right? This is asking for clarification, asking for more detail, asking them how they felt, all those different details that you can ask for. And then number three, is paraphrasing what they've said, actually back to them. And this is sometimes gets really annoying. Which is, you know, I think if you deal with like a therapist or counselor, they use this very efficiently. And they will respond with. So if I hear what you're saying, then what you've just said is, and then they paraphrase what you've said, right? And in my mind, I always think
Subhanallah, that, if I wasn't speaking clearly, like tell me like, why are you paraphrasing it in that manner. And it gets frustrating sometimes. But it shows you that someone is paying attention, it shows you that you're engaged in the conversation. So these are the three things of how you should be responding to, in a conversation how you should be responding to in the conversation, then she can make her ill he goes on to heavily criticize the usage of social media, based upon these principles. How do you prompt someone? When you're engaging in social media? How do you question how do you paraphrase? It doesn't happen? Right? A lot of our communication on social media is so
restricted. That is, you know, you can put in emoji now. And people understand what it means and people understand what it means.
Which brings us to chapter number six, what do we gain from deep listening? Meaning Why should you learn to deep Listen, And subhanAllah I know there are those of us here who like want the TLDR you know, too long didn't read. If you get to that and you're like, you know, I can't read the whole 150 pages, I think Sheikh mkhaya, he had this in mind. So chapter number six, it basically just gives you a summary of the book, and why you need to develop this skill, right. So he says, that from this chapter, we will be undertaking
you know, the simple component of, if you learn to deep listen, then you will develop connection, you will develop connection. And as human beings, you know, we are always about fear and hope, hope of some sort of benefit, fear of some sort of loss, and it's fine, he completely understands that and that's why he put this chapter together. So the first thing that you will gain from this book, and from deep listening, is being comfortable with inner silence, being comfortable with inner silence. So being able to sit by yourself in isolation, no social media, no TV, no computer, just sitting in contemplation by yourself. And he uses a beautiful example, that when Allah subhanaw
taala he tells us when the Quran is being recited, listen closely to it and be silent, so that you may receive mercy from Allah subhanaw taala were either Korea Al Quran no first time your Allah who will answer to that under control Hamlin.
Why does Allah subhanaw taala tell us to listen and to be silent? Right? Because the natural the natural flow of a conversation sometimes is that you will hear and you
You will respond and it will go back and forth.
And that is usually when you are at par with the person that you're conversing with.
But when you are conversing with Allah subhanaw taala there is a superiority of the speech of Allah subhanho wa Taala over our own speech. So when Allah subhanaw taala speaks, we listen in silence, we listen in silence, and that is why, when the Imam is reciting the Quran, no one should be reciting behind the Imam. Right as the Imam is reciting. No one is meant to be reciting at that time. In fact, the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam reprimanded the companions for reciting at the same time, and this includes Surah Al Fatiha if the Imam wants those beside behind him to recite, they will usually leave a gap. Right so after certain Fatiha is finished, they leave a small pause. So
that the those praying behind can recite Surah Fatiha should they choose to do so. But the point over here is learning to be silent and focusing on your surroundings, focusing on being present. And he poses some very valuable questions over here. That why is it that people are afraid of inner silence? Do you avoid connecting to people? Do you need the constant approval of people? Do you trust people? All of these are questions that you will be forced to ask. As you learn to listen, when you begin to notice your own knifes getting in the way of your connection with people in your closest social circles, right? So deep listening will focus and help you be comfortable with inner
listening. Now, the point of this is for you to get to understand your own self, which is what are your fears? What are your concerns? What are your weaknesses? What are your attachment styles, right? Why are you the way that you are? And then how do you actually progress over time?
And he says one of the best ways to monitor your progress is journaling is journaling. And he gives a very nice story after this, but I want to show just by a show of hands. How many of you or how many of us rather journal? Raise your hands if you journal?
Sometimes, okay.
You used to but not anymore. SubhanAllah. I am shocked we have more brothers than we have sisters. That is very shocking. So maybe this is won't be as funny as I thought it was. But he mentioned that he was in New York City once. And a young brother he was and he was teaching a seminar on emotional intelligence. And a young brother asked the question, How do I become more self aware? How do I become more self aware? And the sheikh responded by journaling? And all of the brothers or the majority of the brothers started to laugh? And he asked them Why are you laughing? And they responded by saying this is not something that men do. Right? Men don't journal and then shake my
kale. He goes on to explain that Subhanallah his challenge and his goal, both at the same time, has been trying to frame masculinity from the lens of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, right the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam took the most harshest of men from the you know Arabian Desert, those that did not even kiss their children Subhan Allah and tried to soften their hearts with the words of Allah subhanho wa Taala by showing them mercy and compassion by trying to make them more merciful and compassionate. And the point being is that our understanding what masculinity is, always has to go back to who the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was, you will never be more
masculine. Then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and whatever the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did and showed she would not be considered feminine by enemy by any means we're not because they're feminine, by any means. So this concept of journaling is about developing that self awareness. And he says, In the past, journaling did not exist, but there wasn't a need for it. Why wasn't there a need for it? Because there was this system of having a Maura be mentor you, right. And he talks about the history of Gibreel with the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam and the great teachers of Islam, with their students, that these students didn't just learn, you know, filk and
Aqeedah with their teachers, but it was about day to day life, day to day interaction, seeing
How their teacher interacted, how their teacher bought and sold, how their teacher ate, how their teachers slept, how their teacher traveled, and all of that, to BIA was given through that. So their self awareness came from their interactions with their teachers, because as they're monitoring their teacher more diligently, the teacher is monitoring the student, the teacher is monitoring the student. And that is how that self awareness came about. The second benefit is that empathetic confidants are healers and helpers. So meaning that as you learn to deeply listen, you are healing people, and you are helping people at the foremost yourself and others as well.
One example of the restorative restorative, restorative potential, of course, companions, is the research showing that having a close confidant, and a functional support network can even help a person heal from severe medical problems. Thomas A wills and Michael G net studied the impact of a strong social network, and the presence of a close confidant on patients who had just survived a heart attack. They concluded that regardless of the depressive state of the person, prior to the heart attack, if he person had people around, to share company with them, the chances of them suffering another heart attack dropped by 50%. Emotional support, also predicated a lower likelihood
of death in the next six months.
So what we see from this is the impact of emotional and psychological support on the physical well being of humans. Now, again, I know we say this all the time, Subhan Allah that we don't need science to validate Islam. But when you look at this sort of research, do you not genuinely appreciate more, that the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam tells us that from the rights of a Muslim upon another Muslim, is that when they are sick, you visit them?
Right? Like, you would think, what do you what is there to gain from visiting the sick person? I can't give them shifa? I can't heal them, that's from ALLAH, why do I need to visit them? At the end of the day, and our very first halacha when we defined human beings, we said there are social animals, we need social interaction constantly. And if you have those confidants that care about you and support, you look at the impact, the resurgence of another heart attack, Ricky's decreases by 50%. And they're less likely to die within the next six months within the next six months. The findings of wills and in that are interesting, when studied along the prophetic method of visiting
the sick and spending time with them and spending time with them.
Number three, connection through listening is the only cure for loneliness is the only cure for loneliness. Everyone's lonely in this day and age SubhanAllah. Right, it's the reality of the times that we live in. Everyone's super connected though. You got 500 connections on LinkedIn, you have 1000 followers on Instagram. But why is it that we're so lonely, right? It's because those deep meaningful connections aren't there, those deep meaningful connections will only happen when we have deep listening when we have deep listening.
Number four,
close confidants at the time of death, and if I was to summarize this, I would say it facilitates the fear that one has when they're dying. So deep listening can facilitate the fear that people will have at the time of dying and can have an impact on their afterlife, as well can have an impact on the afterlife, as well. There's a statement by Ahmedabad in Lhasa Allahu anhu, the companion of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who said, while he was close to passing away, he said, When I die, let no one accompany my body to the graveyard, who is excessively wailing, meaning excessively crying and don't carry a fire. When you place me in the ground, pile the dirt upon me, then stay
around my grave for the amount of time it takes to slaughter a camel and divide its meat. I will use your presence around me to become more comfortable so that I may correctly answer the angels who come to question me. Imam Minogue Rahim Allah goes on to explain this and says that when a person has buried, friends and family around the grave, should speak to the deceased and encourage them
And then there's a quote here, when you have completed the burial stand at the head of the grave, and say, oh, so and so son of so and so, remember the pledge, you left the world with the pledge of la ilaha illAllah. Remember that there is no God but Allah, and that Muhammad is the final messenger. Remember that the Day of Judgment is coming, and that the resurrection is true. Say I am pleased with Allah is my Lord, Islam as my way of life, and Mohammed as my messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Now, this is very, very fascinating. And I'll explain why this is very, very fascinating. Because if you remember the famous Hadith of the journey of the soul, of how the when
the body passes away, the soul leaves the body, and the angels take the soul. And there's two journeys, the soul of the believer and the soul of the disbeliever. And then it sends all the way to Allah and the soul is praised. And eventually Allah subhanho wa Taala says, that this person is a righteous slave, and inshallah will be from the inhabitants of paradise. And the soul only returns to the body, when the soil is put on top of the body. And at that point, the soul returns, right? What did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say, at the end of that hadith? That is very unique and interesting. Does anyone remember?
How does that hadith conclude there's something very specific about the process and the mentioning something about the people that are still alive? Over there?
He mentioned Oh, you want you want to answer? Go ahead. Bismillah. Go ahead. You had your hand up?
No, yeah, no. Okay.
He mentioned that the deceased can hear the footsteps of the people walking away, they can hear the footsteps of the people walking away. And this led to a very fascinating discussion on can the deceased actually hear the people that are outside of the grave? If so, for how long? So I'm gonna have the last statement over here by saying, you know, stay as long as it takes to sacrifice a camel and distribute its meat, and encourage me and all these statements, shows that some of the companions were of the view that for a limited amount of time, they could explicitly and clearly hear what the people that are alive are saying, you have another camp of people that said, they can
hear vague sounds, which is the sounds of footsteps walking away, they can hear the sounds of people are talking, but they can't actually make words out. Both of these camps existed during the times of the companions. Rhodiola Huhtala anto Imam Manolio Rahim Allah was clearly on the side of the camp of revenue loss. Now those that weren't on the camp of they can explicitly hear the words. What do they do instead? Because you'll find that even when people pass away, we still stay behind at the grave and a dua is made that oh Allah grant them Tibet, that oh Allah grant them steadfastness. Right. And this is a command from Allah subhanaw taala. Here in Surah Ibrahim when Allah subhanaw
taala says your third bit Allah Honda Vina Amma no bill Kohli 35th, highlighted dunya will occur that Allah subhanaw taala will grant steadfastness to the believers in this life and the next with the statement of steadfastness meaning, La ilaha illallah right. And then the alive they will say that oh Allah keep them steadfast with La Ilaha illa Allah and so on and so forth, right? So they will make this a dua for the deceased at the grave at that time, as opposed to them saying, you know, be steadfast with Lila and Allah, Be pleased with Allah as your Lord be pleased with Islam as the religion be pleased with Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
as your Prophet and Messenger and your prophet and messenger so it's showing Subhanallah how even deep listening in the realm of the soul or in the realm of the source can benefit your your Acura, right. So it's a very nice example that he brought over here. And this brings us to the conclusion of the book, which is a very short two pages that he titled moving forward to becoming better listeners. And he says, listening is the first faculty that we develop in the womb, and the last to leave us as we depart for the hereafter. Yet it is the least practiced and seldom perfected in our lives. As Fila you know, I thought about this, you know, you will find
Find people that when you ask them what is your profession, they will tell you. I am a public speaker by profession. But do you ever find someone that says I'm a public listener by profession? Or you know, I listen, as a profession? Not really like you would think the closest thing might be a counselor or therapist, but even then there's like a focus on the diagnosis of focus on you know, self discovery by yourself, then we know prodding with questions, so that you can have that self discovery. But if you remember back to
the very first halacha
we spoke about how some of the munafo Cohn described the Prophet sallallahu and if sunnah specifically nabta, Lebanon Hadith, he called the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, an ear, all the prophets of Salem does is listen anyone who wants to come and talk to the processor, then he will lend him and he or two. And while he is using this as a form of criticism, Allah subhanaw taala use this to praise the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, that he hears the believers and believes the believers. So how do we become better listeners, and he says two simple points. Number one, is that you have to seek proximity to Allah and make that your primary objective in everything that you
do, in all of your relationships in all of your interactions, your primary objective is the pleasure of Allah. And if you do this, then this will force you to become a better listener. Because you cannot become a better listener. You cannot become closer to Allah subhanho wa Taala and seek reward from Allah subhanho wa Taala without becoming a better listener holistically, right? Listening to more of the Quran, listening to more Hadith, listening to more knowledge, listening to all that will that will bring you closer, that is for the afterlife. For this life, the only way you can develop deep meaningful connections is through deep listening. And yes, it's a lot of hard work. Yes, it's
in a lot of investment. But if you do it with the right intention, it is something that you will be rewarded for it is something that you will be rewarded for. And the second part is studying the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and his interactions with people. Not for the sake of knowing the Syrah, but for the sake of observing how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam interacted with people and emotionally, spiritually psychologically invested in those relationships, so that they can get to the place where they were willing to sacrifice themselves for Allah subhanaw taala and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So when you study the CLR it's not just about
knowing these historical facts, Battle of butter happened in the second year of after the Hijrah. The fact of Makkah happened in the the eighth year. All of those things are great to know. But look at how the process of them interacted with people, and then trying to internalize that and embody that, so that you can become more like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, who Sheikh McHale argues was the best of listeners and hamdulillah before only he went out, and he the demo saw the hat. Praise be to Allah subhanho wa taala. Through His favor, and his virtue, good deeds are completed. Anything that I've said, that is correct. All praise is due to Allah subhanaw taala and
him alone. Anything that I've said that is incorrect is from myself and shaitan we pray that Allah subhanaw taala makes this heavy on the scale of Sheikh Michaella Smith skills, because he is the original author, that Allah subhanaw taala benefits us through his works. And that Allah subhanho wa Taala rewards us generously for the sacrifices that we have made to be here for these six halacha years. I think for me, one of the learning experiences that I take away, actually two learning experiences that I'll share that I took away from the book is number one, that we often underestimate the time we need to learn something. So I thought, You know what, the previous book,
we did it in 400 cars, we can do this book and 400 cars as well because it's a shorter book. But this book had a lot more deeper content in it, that needed explanation, and elucidation. And what was intended for for ended up becoming six. So like, you know, 50% more SubhanAllah. So for me, that was a big lesson that was external internally. I find that I'm a lot more conscious with the way that I interact with my children. Right like as you study attachment theory, it will always make you paranoid.
You know, is this the moment that I'm going to traumatize my kid for life, that he never trust anyone that's again, in his life ever again, right? Like, those are the types of thoughts that you have. But again, you need to console yourself. Look, all I can do is try my best and leave that leave the rest in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala. I hope that you guys have enjoyed and benefited. And inshallah with that we open up the floor for questions within the internet.
No, nothing. I want to give you the first one. Nothing. The Smilla Any questions from the sisters? Questions, comments, reflections? Bismillah. Go ahead.
This topic is
just a mostly to listen.
What's one personal suggestion or advice you can give?
This
information.
Excellent. So what's personal what's one personal advice that I can give with regards to listening and attaining information.
So I think
this advice would be broken down into three parts, which a lot of it we've discussed in today's Halaqa.
But being physically present doesn't count. And this, you know, come becomes apparent with our children and also becomes apparent with our spouses. So a husband is sitting with his wife, and they're eating dinner together. But they're not talking to one another. Right? He's on his phone. She's waiting for him to pay attention. Yes, they're physically together. But he's not emotionally or psychologically available at that time. Similarly, with the child, a child wants attention from the Father. And the father says, I'm listening, I'm listening, what do you want, tell me what you want. While they're busy on their phone, while they're busy playing a game while they're busy doing
something. And the child says something. And the desert Yeah, go ahead and do whatever you want to do without thinking of the long term, you know, ramifications of that.
And then,
if that is point number one, we're being physically present is not enough. Let's focus on point number one over here is that what happens when you are physically emotionally and psychologically present for your children, we have the example of Fatima or the Allahu taala. And her that she cried when she found out her father was about to pass away. And she laughed when she found out that she was going to be the first joint him. And if you look at the way the process, I'm treated her, he stood up for her every time she entered the room, he sat her in his place where he was sitting and offered his seat, like she was the most valued, she felt as if she was the most valuable person to
him at that time. And that was because of physical presence, as well as emotional, and psychological availability. So that's number one.
Number two, is that when it comes to relationships,
there has to be a question in terms of where am I trying to take this relationship? What is the goal? Right? Where do I want to see this? And so yes, there's a generic and general answer. You know, I want to take this to gender I want to be with this person in general, that's great. But what are going to be the personal dynamics in this relationship that are going to be you know, help us to get there. And this is, when people are going through happy moments, you celebrate their happiness, as if it was your own happiness. When people are sad, you are sad with them, as if it is your own sadness, right? It is that emotional investment. People will not remember what you said, people will
remember how you made them feel. Right. So if you can make people feel safe, you can make people feel comfortable, they will be willing to share. If you do not make people feel safe, you do not make people feel comfortable, they will not be willing to share.
And the third and last thing that I would share is that Tofik and success at the end of the day is always in the hands of Allah subhanaw taala. And I highlight this for the fact that you can be the world's best listener, you're going to implement everything that this book says. And you can get a PhD in these fields. But at the end of the day, you will still have relationships that fail. It can be with your parent, it can be with your children, it can be with your siblings, it can be with your spouse, at the end of the day Tofik was not written from Allah subhanaw taala and that's okay. Because Allah subhanho wa Taala he wants to
See the effort and he never expected the results from you. And that is why those stories of the prophets are mentioned. Ibraheem Alehissalaam with his disbelieving father, new Haile salaam with his disbelieving son, loathe Alehissalaam, with his disbelieving wife. And the list goes on. So that even when you try your best, you remind yourself, the results were never in my hand in the first place. I'm just going to be judged on the effort that was made. Hola. Hola. Hola, Anna, Joseph, look out for your question. Right?
Not something that you can step away from.
Okay, so what advice would I give to someone that is burnt out from over exerting empathy?
You know, there's a very fascinating TV show, I'll get back to you and shall I'll get back to you. There's a very fascinating TV show. And I'm not advocating for it being halal or anything like that. But I'm speaking about it from the perspective of there's so much to learn from it.
It's a panel, it's living my mind. I can't remember the name right now. But it's basically they got permission from a psychologist to record the counseling sessions that she does with couples. Now, it's fascinating. You get to see her in active counseling and do the counseling. But what is her process of dealing with everyone's baggage and dealing with everyone's, you know, trauma that she has to help them process and navigate is that she has her own supervisor that helps her go through it. And subhanAllah I think those individuals that are in a situation that they have to display empathy, and there's nothing that they can do to change their circumstance. They have to deepen
their connection with Allah subhanaw taala. Right, going back to school, but the workers need Allahu Allahu Allah to undermine that a complaint of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and they know of Allah that which you do not know. And a school alayka Doherty that, Oh Allah, we know from the afterlife that I complained to you of my own weakness.
Because if you were being tested with something, Allah subhanaw taala only test you with something that he knows that you can handle. Now you can live Allah Who enough said Allah wasa. So clearly Allah subhanaw taala sees something in you, or this individual that they're not seeing in themselves. What is it that Allah subhanaw taala saw on this person, that Allah knows that this person can handle that test, try to figure that out, and inshallah the challenge will become easier, by deepening your connection with Allah subhanho wa taala. Number three, I would say at this point, is constantly just reminding yourself of the reward, and helping people having the help of Allah
subhanaw taala, having the sister of Allah in this life, and the next having ease from Allah, in this life, and the next, and how the parts of Salam said that it is more beloved to him, to be there for people in their time of need than to make it cough, in the masjid and there boy.
So those are the some of the things that I would mention. But on a practical level, when I hear such things, as you know what, and there's nothing that they can do about it. Those are like alarm bells going off in my mind. You know, it's like you, you've thrown a challenge at me, you know, prove me wrong, that there's nothing that I can do about it. And I was like, if we sit down and look at other avenues that you can take, maybe there is something that we can do to find a way out for you so that you're not carrying the burden by yourself while the hotel No, no.
Go ahead.
You know, subhanAllah
parenting is not an easy task. Parenting is not an easy task. And I think the problem is with society, it's not with people, as individuals, it is with actual society. We've done ourselves such a disservice in terms of embracing individualistic lifestyles, that this statement of, you know, it takes a village to raise a child, even though it's not founded in Islam, Islamic Lee, I believe that there's merit to it. That why is it that the parents of the city used to send their children to live with the Bedouins in the desert, to learn a flock to learn lifestyle, to learn, adapt to learn, you know, Arabic language, even SubhanAllah?
Like why would they do that?
My and how would they feel safe like these people, you're just gonna send your young child with them. In this day and age child protective services are coming to lock you up right away. Right. But that was what used to happen. Right? And subhanAllah, you know, complete on the on the site tangent. One of the great movers, you don't have our times Sheikh Mohammed municipality, Rahim, Allah Jota. Anna,
you'd look at his his story in terms of how he became this amazing scholar of tafsir. They talk about how there was a child exchange, you know, with one brothers, son, they switch spots, who is a great scholar in his own right. So Sheikh Mohammed Al Amin, he wanted to go study with that uncle. And that nephew came with the father of Sheikh Mohammed Al Amin, and he basically switched spots. And I think part of it is the challenge over here, that when you're trying to learn from your own parent, it's very difficult for the child to decipher Is this my parent as teaching me that is loving, caring, merciful and forgiving, and will overlook all of my faults? Or is the teacher that's
trying to teach him that it's very difficult for the child to decipher that, whereas when it's when an outsider, the child is respectful and best of others and best of character, because it's the outsider, and you're more likely to learn that, right? So all of that to say, I think
it's about the effort, and not about the results. Right? If you feel that you're trying your best, you're leading by example. And you're doing all that you can do. This is not a question that we should ask, Am I a good parent? Or am I a bad parent, but lead by example, make dua show unconditional love?
Be forgiving and pardoning when they make a mistake. And insha Allah subhanaw taala doesn't expect more than that from us. Allahu taala. This Mila, go ahead.
So
there's not only her, I got that.
Can you get somebody that does?
What advice can I give to someone that doesn't listen?
Now let's find out what that is and make things easy for them.
You know, when?
When a child is crying, does it make sense to tell the child stop crying. And we will sometimes do that stop crying, stop crying, stop crying. The problem isn't with the child crying, the crying is a symptom of something greater that is bothering them. Right? figuring out what's bothering them, will naturally alleviate the crying. When someone isn't listening. If you tell them, Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. It's not going to get them to listen to you try to figure out what is it that is preventing them from listening? Right?
That is the best answer that I can give without, you know, knowing details, and so on and so forth. But let's mention something over here. You know, today's quote, was on mental health. And
I want to just delve a bit deeper? Is do you get a physical checkup of your body? Only when you're sick? Or is this something you should regularly get done? To see where your body is at? And the answer is the latter. You should get a regular checkup to see where your body is at, regardless of if you're sick or not. Right? Just so you know,
the current state of your body. Similarly with your relationships, oftentimes, not only do people wait where the relationship is in trouble, but literally you're like, one breath away from suffocating, like it's on the verge of death. And at that point, they're like, Okay, let's go speak to the imam or let's go speak to the counselor. We should have sought help ages ago, when you know what, let's just do a regular check in you go to a counselor therapists to sit down. We'd like you to do an evaluation of our relationship like a SWOT analysis, right. Every organization that is successful on a quarterly basis, you know, by annual or yearly basis will do a SWOT analysis. Tell
us our strengths or weaknesses. Tell us where we're going. implemented in your relationship as well. Trying to figure out you know, what, what are the possible hurdles that are coming our way that will feel that so I think every close relationship could benefit from something like that. Well, Allahu Taala Anna
was
Is there another hand that was a Smilla?
Can I define Tofik? Yes, for sure. So Tofik from Allah subhanho wa Taala in simple terms is the ability to do something. And I can't remember if I shared this story before publicly, at least you encounter I know shared it in other places. But a clear example of this is in 2019. We took a group for Amara.
We went from Calgary to Frankfurt, crank from Frankfurt to Jeddah, and from Jeddah, we took the bus. But from Frankfurt, we put on our Herranz. Everyone is in Iran. We arriving to Jeddah pick up our luggage head into Mecca. And this one brother, he's in his Iran already. He starts saying, I don't want to perform umbra, I want to go back.
And I'm like, brother, you're in the Haram already. Like you've made the intention. You arrived in Makkah, literally, we're in the clock tower, you know, a few 100 feet away from the Kaaba
Mushara itself.
And he's like, No, I don't want to make almond I want to go back.
And I'm like, Look, we will do the fastest camera we possibly can to make sure we get you on the first flight back to Canada. And he's like, No, I just want to go back.
I tried my best. And at the end of the day, subhanAllah he booked his own flight. And he went back to the airport and he took a flight back to Canada.
And that, for me has been one of the greatest examples of tofu. How do you travel from Canada, to the city of Mecca in A haram? Like, you're hundreds of feet away from the Kaaba, you know, 10s of feet away from the outlines of the Masjid Al haram. Yet still you're deprived of praying a single salah, making a single circuit, you know, making a room single remembrance of ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada. For me, that's always the greatest reminder of Sophia, that you can have all the physical ability, all the financial ability, but if Allah subhanaw taala has not given you the tofield to do that act, it's not going to happen.
Okay, I know, people are getting tired. So we'll take one last question and we'll call it a night, brother in the back.
What could you share the name,
of course, the book is called when hearing becomes listening, prophetic listening and how it can transform the world within us and around us by Sheikh Mikhail atma Smith. You can take a picture of it after once you were done in Shaba. And also all the previous sessions are uploaded to our YouTube channel as well in Sharma.
What are your thoughts on using anger, to
show discipline towards others?
What are my thoughts on showing anger as a form of discipline?
Does that look at? So the first thing that my mind went to is, can we think of an example where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam showed anger as a form of discipline. And to the best of my knowledge, I cannot think of an example of where the pastor Salem showed anger as a form of discipline, so much so that unnecessarily the Allahu Taala Han, who was a young boy who was a caretaker of the process. He says that I never saw the process doesn't even say off once to me. And you can imagine Subhanallah as a young boy who's a caretaker, he must have messed up so many times. So in terms of disciplining, I think there is a way of expressing our frustration, expressing our
disappointment, without using anger. And I'm using this particularly towards children because I would assume that's where we would express ourselves. Anger is destructive, to the degree that it can traumatize and scar children for life. So much. So as we were just talking about attachment theory, that if you see why people become distrusting of people, it's often because parents were so aggressive in their disciplining style. So I would say it should definitely be avoided.
And anger becomes useful as a life preserving mechanism. Meaning when your life's safety is being threatened, you know, a mama bear needs to protect her cubs, all of a sudden she gets super strength. That's when that anger becomes a force of a positive. But in all other cases, it is something negative and it needs to be controlled. And that's why the process isn't advised that man that started up Don't get angry, don't get angry, don't get angry, even though he kept asking
Yara sola advise me just because of the destructive nature of this, but again, I would say, without specific context, it's a general advice that I can give. And Allah subhanaw taala knows best, folks. Let's conclude with that inshallah Zakum located in a couple two announcements before you go. announcement number one, one or more tickets are available for sale in the office. You can check out my main man Khalid, who was here, but I think he left is Harlan still here.
Carla, do you hear Alhamdulillah Khaled has tickets he'll be selling one on my tickets in the office. And announcement number two, there is a wonderful series being starting with Sheikh Hamza called Golden advice, advocates of the student of knowledge and how to live a purposeful life. So please try our utmost best to attend to that as well. The heat to Allah subhanaw taala who will be handed a shadowline hand and stuck Furukawa to the lake was Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh