Navaid Aziz – One Ummah Conference 2010 The Cornerstone
AI: Summary ©
The importance of finding a spouse who is attracted to them and willing to work together is crucial in resolving conflict of marital communication. The speakers give three steps to solve this problem, including acknowledging and not criticizing the other's behavior, following the Bible, and following the parents' responsibilities. The importance of avoiding confusion and generation gaps between parents and children is emphasized. The speakers also emphasize the need for parents to prioritize their children and offer support in community settings, and to acknowledge and embracing Islam in their personal lives.
AI: Summary ©
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When you're waiting for a lecture to come in, you have all this energy, you know, literally jumping inside of you, and you can't help but move around. And right now as a stand at this podium, it I feel almost restricted in Why can I walk around on the stage? Why can I just move around to let all of that energy out? So with that, I'm hoping that you know, that energy will transcend through the words with the lights or lessons that can transcend through the actions. I want to start off this lecture by, you know, one of my classic jokes for those of you who know me, you know, I only have like a handful of jokes that I tell, but inshallah, when I tell them, hopefully, you know, the I
tell them quite well.
And you guys are already laughing Mashallah, you know, how amazing is that.
And it is actually quite comical that you'll see one of the most interesting parts of counseling is the way a husband and wife communicate with one another. And a pivotal point in every relationship, especially with a husband and wife is how they react to conflict amongst themselves. How did they react once they've got into a fight and what happens. And if you pay close attention to that, you'll see that there's some quite comical moments that take place. And I want to share a comical instance, that took place, a husband and wife were traveling to, you know, a faraway land. And before they began their journey, they had gotten into a fight. So you can imagine the writing in the car,
there's this air of discomfort, you know, an air so thick, intense, literally, that you could cut it with a knife. So now as they're traveling in the car, you know, let's just say they're going through Alberta, VC, this form outside, and the husband starts smiling. And then all of a sudden, you hear the car or the the cows mooing, and you know, the dogs are barking and the donkeys are bringing in the animals are making their noise. And the husband goes to his wife, let me guess the relatives of yours.
Now, you may think that the joke is over. But for those of you who are married, you'll know that the wife always has the final say, and she says, Yeah, they're my in laws.
So
in this lecture and discussion now, if I were to be the nightside, I want to talk about a pivotal pillar in our community, a pivotal pillar, in every society, in every land in every nation. And that is the family and its role in the Muslim community. Specifically,
you will see that in every society and in every community, the family plays a very pivotal role. And throughout history, if you were to look at society's moral fabric, if you were to look at society's level of discipline, if you were to look at societies interaction with one another, you would see that as long as nuclear families were retained and sustained, and they were able to live with one another, the level of morality sustained itself as well. And once families started to break down, once families started to break up, once there was no communication and interaction with one another, that is when the level of morality and ethics went down as well. And this is why you see that in
Islam. We have a very heavy emphasis on the family, a very heavy emphasis on the family. Allah subhanho wa Taala in addressing the whole Muslim Ummah, and warning them against the hellfire. He gave them a warning of two kinds, unless minority Ana says in Surah hareem Yeah, you have Latina am an otaku and for Sakuma leikam nara that oh you who believe Save yourselves and save your family from the hellfire. So this is a warning for every element.
Visual for every community that save yourselves and save your families from the hellfire. Now if you were to look into the books of Tafseer, why does Allah say behind the what to Allah mentioned these two specific groups alone, meaning the individual, and then the family, the scholars of Tafseer mentioned that this the reason why Allah subhanaw taala specified these two individual groups alone was because if you can handle these two groups, then Bismillah, heater Allah, you can handle all of mankind, one individual trying to change the world, he will not be able to do so. But if he starts off by changing himself for the better, and then after he has changed himself, he works on his
family, as they say, the walk of 1000 miles begins with a single step. And that single step begins with changing yourself and then working towards your family. So in this lecture, and in this discussion, I want to focus on five key things
that we can do to start to change the world that we can do to start to change our families, and that we can do to start to change ourselves Bismillah heater Allah.
And that first thing always starts off with choosing the right spouse, you know, a Muslim conference would not be complete, unless three things are discussed. Number one, you know, what's the ruling on eating meat outside, you know, McDonald's breaking these types of places? Number two, how do we solve you know, the marital crisis? You know, people are getting divorced families are getting divorced, things are going wrong. How do we solve that? And then the third crisis is how do we actually go about getting married those who are trying to look good trying to get married. So you'll see that every conference, it has something to do with this. And I thought, you know, let me be that
individual that discusses that topic with the lights on.
When people start to choose their spouses, it is just natural human instinct, that the first thing they are attracted to, and the first thing that catches their eye is the glitter of the other individual. It is usually the looks that people are most attracted to. And it is usually the looks that people will base their decisions upon. And in Islam, there's nothing wrong with that, if an individual chooses to start off based upon looks, there's nothing wrong with that, it becomes problematic when people base their decisions solely upon looks, that based upon the fact that I am attracted to this individual, or based upon the fact that you know, I think this person would look
would look good as I'm walking with them down the street islamically, this becomes a problem. And the solution to this is that yes, you start off by by finding a spouse that you're attracted to, you have to live with this individual for the rest of your lives. It's not just a one night or two nights a week or a month type of thing. But there has to be some sort of level of attraction, some sort of click some sort of spark needs to be there. And in Islam, you may start off with this, but you can't end off over here. In Islam, you need to go on and look even further. That is this individuals character to my liking, is this individual level of morality to such a degree that I
would feel comfortable with them teaching my children is their understanding and dedication to the religion to such a degree that if I myself were to decline and to dip that they would take care of me during that time as well. In Islam, this is what the focus is upon. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that an individual could be married for four reasons. They can be married for their looks, they can be married for their lineage, they can be married for their wealth, and they could be married for their Deen and whoever gets married for their Deen will never be disappointed, they will never be disappointed. So the first step in establishing the ideal and
righteous community is finding that spouse whom you are attracted to, you know, I don't mean that you have to go and marry you know, like
a gorilla or a grizzly bear or anything of that sort. You have to have some level of attraction. But once that level of attraction is there, you want to find that individual that will bring you up when you are down, they will support you in that time of support. And this will only be done by an individual who is dedicated to the deen and an individual who has a good understanding of the deen. So the first step in reforming society is reforming our families. And that will be done by choosing the right spouse.
Number two is learning to communicate with one another. The biggest problem of our times in terms of our relationships is that we have forgotten on how to communicate with one another. In a generation where you can communicate with one another just through typing a few buttons on your phone and a generation where you can communicate with one another where you will never even have to see their face you can just send them emails day and night and a generation where literally every other form of communication other than direct communication has become acceptable and valid. And this has become a
Major catalyst in the destruction and degeneration of the family, you will see brothers and sisters living in the same house. Once on the top floor ones on the bottom floor, they're communicating with one another through like MSN Messenger or through Google Talk. I mean, why don't you just get out of the room go downstairs, and you know, go to after the individual. And you'll see that once this direct interaction stops. This is when the problems start, that when people do not directly communicate with one another, they're not forced to live with one another, people stop caring about one another. And when it comes to the family, it is very important that communication takes place,
particularly between a husband and a wife, and between a parent and the child. And these are the two types of communication that I wanted to focus upon. When it comes to husband and wife communication, you will see that husbands and wives speak different languages, even though they may use the same words. And this is the common phenomenon that they deciphered as men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, that you know, all of you guys are aliens, you're no longer human.
And the reality is that, yes, Allah Subhana, Allah created us all, as human beings, we use the same language, we use the same words, we've grown up in the same societies. But when we communicate with one another, for some reason or another, we do not understand what the other individual is trying to say, when the wife says, you know, you can go out if you want, I don't mind, it doesn't mean she's letting you go. You know, this is something that men have to understand. And likewise, you know, when men tell the wife, you know, just get straight to the point and tell me what you want me to do. It's not that he's getting upset, it's just that you're giving him too many details and becomes
complicated for him to understand. That's what it's all about. And, you know, to quote that book by john green men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, if you were to just leave with one lesson from that book, that was the fact on how men want to be treated and how women want to be treated. Men want to be recognized as the leaders of the families, they want to be recognized as those people who have authority in the household, if a woman can do this, her husband will be happy. As for the woman she wants her needs attended to, and she wants to feel secure, and wants to know that when something goes wrong, or if something goes wrong, the husband will be there to support her. And when
what if each individual in the family, the husband can do his job, and the woman can do his job, this would solve half of the problems. The problem lies that we don't even want to recognize our roles, and we want to live lives of individuality together. We don't want to live coming the lives we want to live lives of individuality together. And this becomes problematic. And this is why you see that in Islam, that we have different types of obligations and different types of recommendations. And those are obligations which are individual based, and those which are criminal based recommendations that are individual based, and recommendations, which are community based.
Islam has never been about the individual and has always been more giving more emphasis to communal obligation and to communal recommendations. Now, how do we go about solving this communal problem? husbands and wives will always argue with one another, it is something which is given it is something natural, you spend time with one another, especially if it becomes excessive, you'll be at each other's throats, day and night. So now the question arises, how do we go about solving this marital conflict, and I want to give you three steps to solve that Bismillah hits Allah.
Number one is both parties should never be angry. At the same time, one party will make a mistake, the other party has to be accepting and forgiving. So if someone is upset, the party who is not upset needs to maintain and retain that mode, that let the other person vent, let the other person express their feelings. Once they have calmed down, then you can discuss the matter. But if the husband starts shouting, and the wife starts shouting, everyone starts shouting. And this is why you know, they describe marriage in three stages. They say the first stage of marriage is that a husband and wife will communicate and listen with one another. And the second stage of marriage is that the
husband and wife was stopped listening to one another and there's no communication. And then the third stage of marriage is that they're speaking so loud that the neighbors are the ones who are listening.
And this is this is the part of the problem that both parties get upset, they become angry and this the communication starts to degenerate. So step number one both parties can to be angry. Step number two is if someone does something wrong, always try to look at the intention behind that act. In our lives, we will always be wronged and we are often taught that do not look at an individual's intention. This statement is true when judging and other individual but when it comes to forgiving another individual always look
intention, because you see Allah subhanho wa Taala created mankind in the state of goodness, that each individual has this goodness to them. But just the fact that they're human, it means that they will make mistakes from time to time. And if you recognize this fact that they are human, and they will make mistakes, but they have this innate goodness, they wanted to do something good. They just fell short. If you can see this in your spouse, this likewise will help solve the marital conflicts that take place.
And step number three is the Islamic guidelines. Islamic guidelines in a relationship are very, very important. Islam tells us that it is not permissible for one brother not to speak to another brother for over three days. Then once that third day comes about it is worship, it is compulsory upon one Muslim to go and give salons to another Muslim and try to make amends with them. And this is even more important when it comes to a husband and wife, a husband and wife should hastin even more to make up that you have gotten married. You will see that in Islam when we get married, we don't take oaths. You know, I take the oath, stay with you and prosperity and adversity, enrich for rapport. We
don't have these statements when we get married. Why do we not have these statements, because it is understood that when we live our lives as Muslims following the Quran, and the Sunnah, this is part of marriage, that we become dedicated to one another, I will live with you and happiness in adversity. You know, you when you wake up in the morning, you may be the ugliest person in the world. But I still love you. And this is what Islam is about, that you're dedicated to one another, and you're there to help one another, solve each other's problems. So you recognize and never blow that conflict out of proportion. And within the heights honor with these three steps, you can solve
the conflict of marital communication, that as long as a husband and wife are communicating with one another, and you implement these three steps, then within nights Allah Allah subhanho wa Taala will facilitate a way of goodness. Now when it comes to the parents and the children, we often hear that there's a generation gap between the parents and their children. And this is very, very true. This is very, very true that there is a generation gap, particularly with Muslims who have migrated to other lands, our parents, may Allah protect them and bless them, they came to these lands with the purest and most righteous of intentions wanting to provide for their families. And they came with
the notion that if they raised their children, just the way that they were raised, everything will be fine. And okay, not as bad as this may sound, my dear parents, my dear elders, sadly, this is not the case, the societies that you were brought up in, were a lot purer than the societies that the youth of today are brought up in, the societies that you were brought in, were a lot more generous, we're a lot more courteous, we're a lot more respectful than the societies that our youth are being brought up in. And just like your society modeled, it's parenting to their societies, our parents need to model their parents to the societies that they live in today. And this will start off by
recognizing that very generation gap, that you came from a different land, your child now lives in a different land, you need to realize what your child goes through in school, you need to realize the pressures that society puts upon your children, you need to realize the influence and effect that media has upon your children, our parents growing up, they didn't have TVs in their houses, they didn't have to worry about, you know, crazy amounts of music, or, you know, media defining our relationships or defining our understanding of the world. They didn't have to go through this, but the youth of today have to go through it. And this is the very first step in solving that problem
communication, recognizing that there is a difference between the level of societies. Number two is that you go about educating your parents, and you go with the parents go about becoming more proactive in the lives of their children. It is one of the greatest atrocities. And I'm going to touch upon this later in life to Allah, that the parents feel comfortable, and not only comfortable, but they are content, leaving their children with babysitters, leaving their children's with the TV, leaving their children's with the internet. And then these three things, the TV, the internet and the babysitter, they actually become the third parents. And this is one of the most fundamental
problems that the child becomes more comfortable with the TV more comfortable with the internet more comfortable with the babysitter than they actually do with the parent, a problem arises they will run to those three things rather than they will go to the parents. So the parents need to be educated as to what's going on in the lives of their children, and they need to take a more proactive role. And step number three is very simple. Just spend time with your children. Just spend time with your children and you will see where they are coming from. They need to be able to feel comfortable with you.
They need to feel that you are there to support them. You will see as human beings, a lot of people focus on the adventurous aspects of their lives. They are always looking for adventure, they always want to go about seeking new adventures in their life. But as human beings, Allah subhanho wa Taala created us as individuals who will go out and seek adventure, but the only they will, the only way they will survive is upon certainty that there have to be houses, there have to be families that people can rely upon, that they will know that in times of need, these people will be there. When I go home at night, I will have a wife who will prepare a meal for me and will communicate with me
when I go home, my parents will be there and they will be consoled and comforted by the fact that they have a child that loves them. That certainty needs to be there in every household. And that is point number two, my dear brothers and sisters.
Point number three, in redefining the ideal Muslim family, Islam has to become a priority in our households and in our families. It is no longer Okay, that we raise our children upon culture, it is no longer okay that we raise our children upon what we deem to be goodness, it is no longer Okay, that we feel that you know, our children's at the age of 12 are old enough to raise themselves. It is no longer okay to do that. But rather Islam has to be a priority in the life of the parents and in the life of the whole household all together. And this is why you will see just one aspect of Islamic jurisprudence, one aspect of filk that when it comes to the prayers for the men, the best
prayers for the men that are default prayers are prayed in the masjid. And the sooner and the waffle prayers are prayed in the house. And when it comes to the woman, the best prayers that she can pray are in her house and it is permissible for her to go and pray anywhere else that she likes. If you were to look at the wisdom and think about this wisdom, this is to encourage a bother taking place in the house that the child as it is growing up. It sees the mother praying day and night and worshipping Allah subhanho wa Taala and the father who may be busy with work during the day when it comes to his son the prayers the father sees the son sees the father praying as soon the prayers at
home. That is the wisdom behind these actions that Allah subhanho wa Taala legislated out of than the fourth prayers men should be praying at home. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said do not make your houses graveyards meaning graveyard for worship, you know it's filled with darkness is filled with ill feelings. And Allah subhanho wa Taala is not remembered in those places. But rather make your place in houses of worship places of tranquility, make your houses places of serenity and places where Allah subhanho wa Taala is remembered frequently. And I wanted to give you three ways to do that as well. Bismillahi tada
you will see that a house where Allah subhanho wa Taala is remembered frequently as their house that will be filled with serenity and with tranquility. One of the easiest ways to do this is just to spend two hours a week, choose two hours a week, out of the seven days just choose two hours, where the family is forced to get together, they have no option they have to get together. And they can read Quran together, they can read books together, they can just have discussions together. If you just do to do two hours a week, it can be two different days. Or it can even be just one day where you select two hours, you will see that a difference will start to take place where Islamic ideas
are just discussed. What are you talking about, you know what's going on in your life in terms of your prayers? Are you having trouble with them? You know what's going on in terms of your life in terms of the outside world is it you know too much of a burden? How what else is going on in your life, these type of discussions if they take place even for two hours, you will see that this is a good beginning Bismillah heights Allah.
Point number two is that we will fill our houses with pretty much everything you know, we will save catalogs from 1997 we have the IKEA catalog lying in our house, thinking that someday we may buy something from there. When reality we know it's not gonna happen. We will have flyers from weeks ago thinking that you know that 50 cents that you might save on juice, even though it's one out now that we might use it one day, we'll save up all these things in our houses. But sadly, we will not have Islamic libraries in our houses. Now people think that spending money on books is a waste of time. But brothers and sisters, let me tell you something. History has proven to us and history has told
us and it has repeated itself over and over again. That people who who control the narrative, people who control the media, people who control information. They are the ones who control society and the level of morality. Once those things start changing, everything will start to change.
If you can control what is read in your house, if you can control what is discussed in your family, if you can control the information that comes in, then you can reconstruct your family as well. And this is why I would say that it is fundamental that you have at least three Islamic books in your house. Number one, you should have a translation of the Quran that you your family can relate to, if you speak or do at home, have an older translation if you speak Arabic, have the Arabic Koran if you speak Somali or any other language, have that Koran in your house, so your family can relate to it. The second book your family should have is the Syrah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
choose something simple, and just discuss it once a week, once a month, whenever you can part of your weekly hoppers or your weekly get togethers with your family. Just choose one chapter, and you'll see all starts to make a difference. And book number three, is a book known as Rio de Sala him as a book known as the author Sala hain, or guardians of the righteous. And what makes this book so unique is that it is a book filled with ethics. It is a book filled with morality, it is a book filled with heart softness, it is a book filled with etiquettes as to how Muslims should lead their lives. And if you start this off from a young age with children, who are six months to a year old,
they see the parents reading these books and reciting the Koran. And then as they go on to ages two and three, they start to learn the vocabulary in these books. And by the ages of five and six, they're actually able to understand and implement what is in them. How do you think these children will be raised, they will be raised as individuals who are respectful, they will be raised as individuals who are very concerned for themselves, their families, and societies as a whole. And this is from the beauty of Islam, again, that Islam is not just concerned about the individual, it is concerned about the family, the society, the country, the world and the universe as a whole.
Islam, if it was implemented and is implemented, in its most perfect and true sense, will solve every single problem on this planet. But the problem does not lie in Islam, brothers and sisters, it lies in the people who claim this beautiful and Noble Way of Life. So if an individual has these three books, in their houses, behind the lights, Allah, when they discuss it, and they go through it, this will be a way of reforming the family. So have libraries in your houses get rid of all that other junk that you won't need replaced with books of Islam. And you will see that even though those books are there, when the individual is bored, and he's looking for something to read, he picks up
one of those books, and Bismillah hits Allah, that will make a difference.
Likewise, in terms of making Islam a priority in your houses, one of the best things that I ever saw in any house was that we know that parents are always going to be busy, they may not always have time to educate their children islamically we recognize this problem, and we recognize this fact. However, this does not mean that we neglected the Islamic education of our children. Every community has a Sunday school or a Saturday school where children could be sent. Rather than sending them to play soccer or hockey or football or any other sport or to spend their time in something else, send them to this school, even though it might not be at the highest level, the very fact that they're
interacting with other Muslims, the very fact that they're engaging with Islamic material will make a difference. And if you cannot even do that, do something even simpler, that as we know, Islam has a supplication pretty much for every time and for every situation, that when we go to the bathroom, there's a supplication that we make. When we enter our houses. There's a supplication that we make. So if you don't have the time to teach your children, these supplications and you should be making time for that. the very least that you can do, my dear brothers and sisters, is just buy those stickers, buy those stickers, put them up on the doors, put them up on the house in the appropriate
places, and children will learn to read they will learn to implement, especially if you are leading by example.
Point number four in terms of redefining the ideal Muslim family is the level of interaction that takes place between the parents and the children. You see the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as busy of an individual as he was as busy as an individual is as he was as a leader of an army as a leader of a community as a husband as a counselor, and every other role that he played. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam always made time for his family. For those of you who have attended my class on Sohail Bhagwati, you will know this example already and it will serve as a good reminder for you. For those of you who haven't. This is what we talk about when we say good communication and
spending quality time with one another. As we know, a woman wants to be felt and she wants to be heard that are
Husband pays attention to her. One of the biggest problems that you know couples come with is that my husband does not pay attention to what I say. And you'll see that a lot of the times when the wife starts to speak, the husband automatically starts to look for something else to do while his wife is speaking. But I want to give you an example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he would be the one who would initiate conversations with Isola della hota, Atlanta, and I want to share one of those conversations with you. That one day the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, Yeah, I shall come over here, come close to me. So I
shall read the law when he comes close to the profits of the LA Juanjo system, and she's inquisitive. You know, what is the Prophet? sallallahu alayhi wasallam going to say to me, why is he calling me so close? So he brings your clothes, and he says something to her? He says, Yeah,
I know when you are upset with me, and I know when you are happy and contented with me. Now I shall have the Allahu Tanana she's almost astonished. You know, this misconception that men don't pay attention to their wives. It's existed from like, from since history began. So she was shocked at how does the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam know this? You know, when did he have the time to pay attention to what I would say and what I would feel. And if I was still allowed to sit him he went on to say, Yeah, I uh, when you're angry with me, you swear by the Lord of Ibrahim, you say by the Lord of Abraham, such and such will happen and by the Lord of Ibrahim, you will do such and when
you are content with me, you say by the Lord of Mohammed, such and such will happen. And by the Lord of Muhammad, you will do such and such. Now, I shouted, Allahu talana. Like we mentioned, women always have the last word. You know, even if the man thinks he has the last word. He is just under the misconception that a new conversation has already begun. And he didn't realize it.
So here I showed a doula who Tanana when she hears this from the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam. She's a bit astonished. And you can imagine in a couple of seconds, what would you respond to the Prophet sallallahu annual said them. Here's an individual who is the busiest person on the planet, but he's still taking time to recognize the feelings of his wife, he's still taking time to pay close attention to the words that she uses. So she says something even more profound. She says Yara saw the love. Even though the words may change instead of Mohammed, I say Ibrahim, realize that that love in the heart stays the same forever, that even though the words may change, that love will
always be there. And this is what communication and spending time with one another is all about. If you look at this conversation that took place all together, it's not even a minute long. But you can imagine the impact it's having on the two individuals, the wife will never feel more loved. And the husband will never feel more honored and respected. That even though the words may change, she's still venerates and revered him in his heart. And a woman realizes that as busy as a husband and a man may be, he still pays attention to her words. And he holds on to them dearly. And he shows that love and respect for her. So this is between the spouses. When it comes to the children, you'll see
children are a bit more difficult. You know, for parents, it's not very easy to pick up a joystick and start playing video games with them. It's not very easy that you know, they start playing with Barbies and candles with their children. It's not very easy, I understand that. But a lot of the times parents are not required to do this, they can dictate the activity and the very fact that the parent is willing to spend time with the child the child will accommodate to the parent. So of parent finds it easy just to read a book a child will be willing to do so every parent finds it easy to play sports with the child, the child will be more than willing to do so. The fact just needs to
be there. We need to have that concern for our families, regardless of how we spend time with our children. And you will see this is how we will have the biggest effect on our children. Parents always want their children to be more righteous. They always want them to have better luck and character. But do your parents please realize and understand that our children and your children are reflective of the way that you are at home. They are reflective of the way that the mothers are at home. You will not have a child raised in righteousness and with good character if the parents are not manifesting the exact same sentiment and the exact same actions, but rather implement Islam in
your hearts, implement Islam in your actions, and your children will naturally pick it up. But if you don't start off with that first step, then how can you expect the exact opposite from your children, that you are leading lives of where you Islam is not a priority in your life. When your children grow up, and they start to disobey you when your children go up and start to do actions that are displeasing to you. Why wait till that time till you recognize the mistakes that you made. From this point on. You make Islam a priority in your life and you spend time with your children Bismillah he
You will be able to reform your children, you will be able to reform your family, you will be able to reform society beyond the lights Allah start spending quality time with their spouses and with your children, and it will make a world of a difference.
And point number 5 billion lights Allah and this is my last point before I conclude
that as human beings we have a tendency to stress out and to worry. And we tend to forget that there are always individuals who have been in greater predicaments and in greater problems that we have been in. And there's always been one source of victory and one source of help alone and that is Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Always seek the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala when you're trying to do anything, right now, the very fact that you've come to this conference, it shows that you have a genuine concern for your family, for yourself from your community, and for everyone else. So do not forget to engage Allah subhanho wa Taala in all aspects of your life, make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala because there's nothing that pleases Allah subhanho wa Taala more than making dua to him. Ask him for your needs, ask him for whatever you want to see. Ask him for whatever you want done for you. And you will see that Allah subhanaw taala will be there to respond. This is a promise from Allah subhanho wa Taala a
promise that will never be broken, a promise that will never be deceived. And it is a promise that will always be fulfilled. So always keep making dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala that he rectifies yourself and he rectifies your families and always keep that in your mind. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to make dua at the end of his hospice, when the whole community is there, congregating in front of him, Allah Hamas Nanana Nanana la te fi Hamas una was Leanna irrationality, la Hama zona, that Oh Allah rectify the world that we live in and make it a better place for us and rectify the Acura for us where our final abode will be. You will see of all the doors departments a
lot when you send them could have made on the member could have made supplicating This is the door that he was making. So brothers and sisters take this opportunity and making dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala. This world that we live in, we have become too busy to recognize and realize that at times, it is a very dark and disturbing place to live in. It is a place that sucks out that goodness from you and sucks out all of that energy. But if you recognize Allah subhanho wa Taala as your source of help, and seek his aid and assistance, and then take the practical steps that I have mentioned, vanilla hits Ana, it is not only this community of the Islamic Information Society of
Calgary that we can change, but we can change the City of Calgary, the province of Alberta, the country of Canada and the whole world. It starts with you as an individual, take care of yourselves, take care of your families and the lights and everything else will fall into place. But if you do not consider yourself significant enough, if you do not consider your family significant enough to change, then the destruction began a long time ago. Because brothers and sisters, you were created to go to Geneva, Allah subhanho wa Taala knows this, you have to recognize this but gender is not going to be given to anyone and to everyone. You work a little bit for it strive towards Allah
subhanho wa Taala and Allah subhanho wa Taala will give it to you. So I pray to Allah subhanho wa Taala as a conclude that he increases the righteousness in our hearts and increases us in righteous deeds and makes us the future leaders not only of this oma but of this world, because this world can no longer live in the darkness that it is currently in. We have to be that source of light and we have to be that source of guidance and we seek Alice tofik to do so. What akyuu Donna al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa Sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
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In Alhamdulilah Nakamoto, who was China who won the stock photo? When I was a Bella human surely unforeseen a woman sejati Amina Maria de la Fernando de la la woman, who for la hora de la
ilaha illAllah hula hula Shetty Kala wash. I don't know Mohammed Abdullah who are Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa not only he wants to be he was selling them at a Sleeman kathira ama. But
when you're waiting for a lecture to come in, you have all this energy, you know, literally jumping inside of you, and you can't help but move around. And right now as a stand at this podium, it I feel almost restricted in the why can I walk around on the stage? Why can I just move around to let all of that energy out. So within HR, I'm hoping that you know, that energy will transcend through the words with the lights are lessons that can transcend through the actions. I want to start off this lecture by, you know, one of my classic jokes for those of you who know me, you know, I only have like a handful of jokes that I tell, but inshallah, when I tell them, hopefully, you know, we I
tell them quite well.
And you guys are already laughing Mashallah, you know, how amazing is that.
And it is actually quite comical that you'll see one of the most interesting parts of counseling is the way a husband and wife communicate with one another. And a pivotal point in every relationship, especially with a husband and wife is how they react to conflict amongst themselves. How did they react once they've got into a fight and what happens. And if you pay close attention to that, you'll see that there's some quite comical moments that take place. And they want to share a comical instance, that took place, a husband and wife were traveling to, you know, a faraway land. And before they began their journey, they had gotten into a fight. So you can imagine the writing in the
car, there's this air of discomfort, you know, an air so thick and tense, literally, that you could cut it with a knife. So now as they're traveling in the car, you know, let's just say they're going through Alberta, they see this farm outside, and the husband starts smiling. And then all of a sudden, you hear the car or the the cows mooing, and you know, the dogs are barking and the donkeys are bringing in the animals are making the noise. And the husband goes to his wife, let me guess the relatives of yours.
Now, you may think that the joke is over. But for those of you who are married, you'll know that the wife always has the final say, and she says yeah, they're my in laws.
So be the law he Tyler and this lecture and discussion. Now if I were to be the Knights, Allah, I want to talk about a pivotal pillar in our community, a pivotal pillar, in every society, in every line in every nation. And that is the family and its role in the Muslim community. Specifically,
you will see that in every society and in every community, the family plays a very pivotal role. And throughout history, if you were to look at society's moral fabric, if you were to look at society's level of discipline, if you were to look at societies interaction with one another, you would see that as long as nuclear families were retained and sustained, and they were able to live with one another, the level of morality sustain itself as well. And once families started to break down once families started to break up, once there was no communication and interaction with one another, that is when the level of morality and ethics went down as well. And this is why you see that in Islam.
We have a very heavy emphasis on the family. A very heavy emphasis on the family. Allah subhanho wa Taala in addressing the whole Muslim Ummah, and warning them against the hellfire. He gave them a warning of two kinds, unless minority Ana says in Surah hareem Yeah, Allah Dena Amano qu and for Sakuma alikum. Narrow that oh you who believe? Save yourselves and save your family from the hellfire. So this is a warning for every individual for every community that save yourselves and save your families from the hellfire. Now if you were to look into the books of Tafseer Why does Alyssa behind them what's Allah mentioned these two specific groups alone, meaning the individual
and then the family. The scholars of Tafseer mentioned that this the reason why Allah subhanaw taala specified these two individual groups alone was because if you can handle these two groups, then the vanilla heater Allah, you can handle all of mankind, one individual trying to change the world, he will not be able to do so. But if he starts off by changing himself for the better, and then after he
has changed himself, he works on his family, as they say, the walk of 1000 miles begins with a single step. And that single step begins with changing yourself and then working towards your family. So in this lecture and in this discussion, I want to focus on five key things
that we can do to start to change the world that we can do to start to change our families, and that we can do to start to change ourselves Bismillah hits Allah.
And that first thing always starts off with choosing the right spouse, you know, a Muslim conference would not be complete, unless three things are discussed. Number one, you know, what's the ruling on eating meat outside, you know, McDonald's, Burger King, these types of places? Number two, how do we solve you know, the marital crisis? You know, people are getting divorced families are getting divorced, things are going wrong, how do we solve that? And then the third crisis is how do we actually go about getting married those who who are trying to look good trying to get married. So you'll see that every conference, it has something to do with this. And I thought, you know, let me
be that individual that discusses that topic within lightoller.
When people start to choose their spouses, it is just natural human instincts, that the first thing they are attracted to, and the first thing that catches their eye is the glitter of the other individual. It is usually the looks that people are most attracted to. And it is usually the looks that people will base their decisions upon. And in Islam, there's nothing wrong with that, if an individual chooses to start off based upon looks, there's nothing wrong with that, it becomes problematic when people base their decisions solely upon looks, that based upon the fact that I am attracted to this individual, or based upon the fact that you know, I think this person would good
look would look good as I'm walking with them down the street islamically, this becomes a problem. And the solution to this is that yes, you start off by by finding a spouse that you are attracted to, you have to live with this individual for the rest of your lives. It's not just a one night or two nights a week or a month type of thing. But there has to be some sort of level of attraction, some sort of clicks, some sort of spark needs to be there. And in Islam, you may start off with this, but you can't end off over here. In Islam, you need to go on and look even further. That is this individuals character to my liking, is this individual level of morality to such a degree that
I would feel comfortable with them teaching my children is their understanding and dedication to the religion to such a degree that if I myself were to decline and to dip that they would take care of me during that time as well. In Islam, this is what the focus is upon. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that an individual could be married for four reasons. They can be married for their looks, they can be married for their lineage, they can be married for their wealth, and they could be married for their Deen and whoever gets married for their Deen will never be disappointed, they will never be disappointed. So the first step in establishing the ideal and
righteous community is finding that spouse whom you are attracted to, you know, I don't mean that you have to go and marry you know, like
a gorilla or a grizzly bear or anything of that sort, you have to have some level of attraction. But once that level of attraction is there, you want to find that individual that will bring you up when you are down, they will support you in that time of support. And this will only be done by an individual who is dedicated to the deen and an individual who has a good understanding of the deen. So the first step in reforming society is reforming our families. And that will be done by choosing the right spouse.
Number two, is learning to communicate with one another. The biggest problem of our times in terms of our relationships is that we have forgotten on how to communicate with one another. In a generation where you can communicate with one another just through typing a few buttons on your phone, and the generation where you can communicate with one another where you will never even have to see their face, you can just send them emails day and night. And a generation where literally every other form of communication other than direct communication has become acceptable and valid. And this has become a major catalyst in the destruction and degeneration of the family. You will see
brothers and sisters living in the same house once on the tougher ones on the bottom floor. They're communicating with one another through like MSN Messenger or through Google Talk. I mean, why don't you just get out of the room, go downstairs and you know, go talk to the individual. And you'll see that once this direct interaction stops. This is when the problems start. That when people do not directly communicate with one another, they're not forced to live with one another. people stop caring about one another. And when it comes to the family, it is very important that communication takes
Place, particularly between a husband and a wife, and between a parent and the child. And these are the two types of communication that I wanted to focus upon. When it comes to husband and wife communication, you will see that husband and wives speak different languages, even though they may use the same words. And this is the common phenomenon that they deciphered as men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, that, you know, all of you guys are aliens, you're no longer human.
And the reality is that, yes, Allah subhanho wa Taala created us all, as human beings, we use the same language, we use the same words, we've grown up in the same societies. But when we communicate with one another, for some reason or another, we do not understand what the other individual is trying to say, when the wife says, you know, you can go out if you want, I don't mind, it doesn't mean she's letting you go. You know, this is something that men have to understand. And likewise, you know, when men tell the wife, you know, just get straight to the point and tell me what you want me to do. It's not that he's getting upset, it's just that you're giving him too many details and
becomes complicated for him to understand. That's what it's all about. And, you know, to quote that book by john green men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, if you were to just leave with one lesson from that book, that was the fact on how men want to be treated and how women want to be treated. Men want to be recognized as the leaders of the families, they want to be recognized as those people who have authority in the household, if a woman can do this, her husband will be happy. As for the woman she wants her needs attended to, and she wants to feel secure, and wants to know that when something goes wrong, or if something goes wrong, the husband will be there to support
her. If when what if each individual in the family, the husband can do his job, and the woman can do his job, this would solve half of the problems. The problem lies that we don't even want to recognize our roles, and we want to live lives of individuality together. We don't want to live the lives we want to live lives of individuality together. And this becomes problematic. And this is why you see that in Islam, that we have different types of obligations and different types of recommendations. And those are obligations which are individual based, and those which are criminal based recommendations that are individual based, and recommendations, which are community based.
Islam has never been about the individual and has always been more giving more emphasis to communal obligation and to communal recommendations. Now, how do we go about solving this communal problem? husbands and wives will always argue with one another, it is something which is given it is something natural, you spend time with one another, especially if it becomes excessive, you know, you'll be at each other's throats, day and night. So now the question arises, how do we go about solving this marital conflict, and I want to give you three steps to solve that Bismillah hits Allah.
Number one is both parties should never be angry. At the same time, one party will make a mistake, the other party has to be accepting and forgiving. So if someone is upset, the party who is not upset needs to maintain and retain that mode, that let the other person vent, let the other person express their feelings. Once they have calmed down, then you can discuss the matter. But if the husband starts shouting, and the wife starts shouting, everyone starts shouting. And this is why you know, they describe marriage in three stages. They say the first stage of marriage is that a husband and wife will communicate and listen with one another. And the second stage of marriage is that the
husband and wife was stopped listening to one another and there's no communication. And then the third stage of marriage is that they're speaking so loud that the neighbors are the ones who are listening.
And this, this is the part of the problem that both parties get upset, they become angry, and this the communication starts to degenerate. So step number one, both parties can be angry. Step number two is if someone does something wrong, always try to look at the intention behind that act. In our lives, we will always be wronged. And we are often taught that to not look at an individual's intention. This statement is true when judging another individual. But when it comes to forgiving another individual, always look at their intention. Because you see Allah subhanho wa Taala created mankind in a state of goodness, that each individual has this goodness to them, but just the fact
that they're human, it means that they will make mistakes from time to time. And if you recognize this fact that they are human, and they will make mistakes, but they have this innate goodness, they wanted to do something good. They just fell short. If you can see this in your spouse, this likewise will help solve the marital conflicts that take place.
And step number three is the Islamic guidelines. Islamic guidelines in a relationship are very, very important.
Islam tells us that it is not permissible for one brother not to speak to another brother for over three days, that once that third day comes about it is worship, it is compulsory upon one Muslim to go and give salons to another Muslim and try to make amends with them. And this is even more important when it comes to a husband and wife, a husband wife should hastin even more to make up that you have gotten married. You'll see that in Islam, when we get married, we don't take oaths. You know, I take the oath, stay with you and prosperity and adversity and rich for the poor. We don't have these statements when we get married. Why do we not have these statements, because it is
understood that when we live our lives as Muslims following the Quran, and the Sunnah, this is part of marriage, that we become dedicated to one another, I will live with you and happiness in adversity, you know, you won't be wake up in the morning, you may be the ugliest person in the world. But I still love you. And this is what Islam is about, that you're dedicated to one another, and you're there to help one another solve each other's problems. So you recognize and never blow that conflict out of proportion. And within the heights honor with these three steps, you can solve the conflict of marital communication, that as long as the husband and wife are communicating with
one another, and you implement these three steps, then within lights, Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala will facilitate a way of goodness. Now when it comes to the parents and the children, we often hear that there's a generation gap between the parents and their children. And this is very, very true. This is very, very true that there is a generation gap, particularly with Muslims who have migrated to other lands, our parents, may Allah protect them and bless them, they came to these lands with the purest and most righteous of intentions wanting to provide for their families. And they came with the notion that if they raise their children, just the way that they were raised, everything
will be fine. And Okay. Now, as bad as this may sound, my dear parents, my dear elders, sadly, this is not the case, the societies that you were brought up in, were a lot purer than the societies that the youth of today are brought up in, the societies that you were brought in, were a lot more generous, we're a lot more courteous, we're a lot more respectful than the societies that our youth are being brought up in. And just like your society modeled its parenting, to their societies, our parents need to model their parents to the societies that they live in today. And this will start off by recognizing that very generation gap, that you came from a different land, your child now
lives in a different land, you need to realize what your child goes through in school, you need to realize the pressures that society puts upon your children, you need to realize the influence and effect that media has upon your children, our parents growing up, they didn't have TVs in their houses, they didn't have to worry about, you know, a crazy amounts of music, or, you know, media defining our relationships or defining our understanding of the world. They didn't have to go through this, but the youth of today have to go through it. And this is the very first step in solving that problem of communication, recognizing that there is a difference between the level of
societies. Number two is that you go about educating your parents, and you go with the parents go about becoming more proactive in the lives of their children. It is one of the greatest atrocities. And I'm going to touch upon this later because in lying to Allah, that the parents feel comfortable, and not only comfortable but their content, leaving their children with babysitters, leaving their children's with the TV, leaving their children's with the internet. And then these three things, the TV, the internet and the babysitter, they actually become the third parent. And this is one of the most fundamental problems that the child becomes more comfortable with the TV more comfortable with
the internet more comfortable with the babysitter than they actually do with the parent, a problem arises, they will run to those three things rather than they will go to the parents. So the parents need to be educated as to what's going on in the lives of their children. And they need to take a more proactive role. And step number three is very simple. Just spend time with your children. Just spend time with your children and you will see where they are coming from. They need to be able to feel comfortable with you. They need to feel that you are there to support them. You will see as human beings a lot of people focus on the adventurous aspects of their lives. They are always
looking for adventure. They always want to go about seeking new adventures in their life. But as human beings, Allah subhanho wa Taala created us as individuals who will go out and seek adventure, but the only they will the only way they will survive is upon certainty that there have to be houses. There have to be families that people can rely upon that they will know that in times of need, these people will be there. When I go home at night I will have a wife who will prepare a meal for me and will communicate with me when I go home.
My parents will be there. And they will be consoled and comforted by the fact that they have a child that loves them. That certainty needs to be there in every household. And that is point number two, my dear brothers and sisters.
Point number three, in redefining the ideal Muslim family, Islam has to become a priority in our households and in our families, it is no longer Okay, that we raise our children upon culture, it is no longer okay that we raise our children upon what we deem to be goodness, it is no longer Okay, that we feel that you know, our children's at the age of 12 are old enough to raise themselves. It is no longer okay to do that. But rather Islam has to be a priority in the life of the parents and in the life of the whole household all together. And this is why you see just one aspect of Islamic jurisprudence, one aspect of filk that when it comes to the prayers for the men, the breast prayers
for the men that are default prayers are prayed in the masjid and the Sunda and the waffle prayers are prayed in the house. And when it comes to the woman, the best prayers that she can pray are in her house and it is permissible for her to go and pray anywhere else that she likes. If you were to look at the wisdom and think about this wisdom, this is to encourage a bother taking place in the house. That the child as it is growing up. It sees the mother praying day and night and worshipping Allah subhanho wa Taala and the father who may be busy with work during the day when it comes to his son the prayers the father sees the son sees the father praying his son the prayers at home. That is
the wisdom behind these actions that Allah subhanho wa Taala legislated other than the fourth prayers men should be praying at home. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said do not make your houses graveyards, meaning graveyard, you know it's filled with darkness is filled with ill feelings. And Allah subhanho wa Taala is not remembered in those places. But rather make your places houses of worship places of tranquility, make your houses places of serenity and places where Allah subhanho wa Taala is remembered frequently. And I want to give you three ways to do that as well. Bismillahi Tada,
you will see that a house where Allah subhanaw taala is remembered frequently as their house that will be filled with serenity and with tranquility. One of the easiest ways to do this is just to spend two hours a week, choose two hours a week, out of the seven days just choose two hours where the family is forced to get together, they have no option they have to get together. And they can read Quran together, they can read books together, they can just have discussions together. If you just do to do two hours a week, it can be two different days. Or it can even be just one day where you select two hours, you will see that a difference will start to take place where Islamic ideas
are just discussed, where you talk about you know what's going on in your life in terms of your prayers, are you having trouble with them, you know, what's going on in terms of your life in terms of the outside world is it you know, too much of a burden, how what else is going on in your life, these type of discussions if they take place, even for two hours, you will see that this is a good beginning behind the lights either.
Point number two is that we will fill our houses with pretty much everything you know, we will save catalogs from 1997. We have the IKEA catalog lying in their house, thinking that someday we may buy something from there, when in reality, we know it's not going to happen. We will have flyers from weeks ago thinking that you know that 50 cents that you might save on juice, even though it's one out now that we might use it one day, we'll save up all these things in our houses. But sadly, we will not have Islamic libraries in our houses. Now people think that spending money on books is a waste of time. But brothers and sisters, let me tell you something. History has proven to us and
history has told us and it has repeated itself over and over again, that people who who control the narrative, people who control the media, people who control information, they are the ones who control society and the level of morality. Once those things start changing, everything will start to change. So if you can control what is read in your house, if you can control what is discussed in your family, if you can control the information that comes in, then you can reconstruct your family as well. And this is why I would say that it is fundamental that you have at least three Islamic books in your house. Number one, you should have a translation of the Quran that you your family can
relate to if you speak or do at home, have an older translation if you speak Arabic, have the Arabic Koran. If you speak Somali or any other language, have that Koran in your house so your family can relate to it. The second book your family should have is the spirit of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam
Choose something simple and just discuss it once a week, once a month, whenever you can part of your weekly holocausts, or your weekly get togethers with your family, just choose one chapter, and you'll see all starts to make a difference. And book number three, is a book known as real solid him as a book known as the author Salin, or guardians of the righteous. And what makes this book so unique is that it is a book filled with ethics. It is a book filled with morality, it is a book filled with heart softeners, it is a book filled with etiquettes as to how Muslims should lead their lives. And if you start this off from a young age with children, who are six months to a year old,
they see the parents reading these books and reciting the Koran. And then as they go on to ages two and three, they start to learn the vocabulary in these books. And by the ages of five and six, they're actually able to understand and implement what is in them. How do you think these children will be raised, they will be raised as individuals who are respectful, they will be raised as individuals who are very concerned for themselves, their families, and societies as a whole. And this is from the beauty of Islam, again, that Islam is not just concerned about the individual, it is concerned about the family, the society, the country, the world and the universe as a whole.
Islam, if it was implemented and is implemented, in its most perfect and true sense, will solve every single problem on this planet. But the problem does not lie in Islam, brothers and sisters, it lies in the people who claim this beautiful and Noble Way of Life. So if an individual has these three books in their houses, Bismillah atana, when they discuss it, and they go through it, this will be a way of reforming the family. So have libraries in your houses get rid of all that other junk that you won't need, replace it with books of Islam, and you will see that even of those books are there, when the individual is bored, and he's looking for something to read, he picks up one of
those books, and within law he tada that will make a difference.
Likewise, in terms of making Islam a priority in your houses, one of the best things that I ever saw in any house was that we know that parents are always going to be busy, they may not always have time to educate their children islamically. We recognize this problem, and we recognize this fact. However, this does not mean that we neglect the Islamic education of our children. Every community has a Sunday school or a Saturday school where children could be sent. Rather than sending them to play soccer or hockey or football or any other sport or to spend their time in something else, send them to the school, even though it might not be at the highest level, the very fact that they're
interacting with other Muslims, the very fact that they're engaging with Islamic material will make a difference. And if you cannot even do that, do something even simpler, that as we know, Islam has a supplication pretty much for every time and for every situation, that when we go to the bathroom, there's a supplication that we make. When we enter our houses, there is a supplication that we make. So if you don't have the time to teach your children, these supplications and you should be making time for that. the very least that you can do, my dear brothers and sisters is just by those stickers by those stickers, put them up on the doors, put them up on the house in the appropriate
places, and children will learn to read they will learn to implement, especially if you are leading by example.
Point number four in terms of redefining the ideal Muslim family is the level of interaction that takes place between the parents and the children. You see the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as busy of an individual as he was as busy of an individual is as he was as a leader of an army as a leader of a community, as a husband as a counselor, and every other role that he played. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam always made time for his family. For those of you who have attended my class on Sohail Bukhari, you will know this example already. And it will serve as a good reminder for you. For those of you who haven't. This is what we talk about when we say good communication and
spending quality time with one another. As we know, a woman wants to be felt, and she wants to be heard that her husband pays attention to her. One of the biggest problems that you know couples come with is that my husband does not pay attention to what I say. And you'll see that a lot of the times when the wife starts to speak, the husband automatically starts to look for something else to do while his wife is speaking. But I want to give you an example of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he would be the one who would initiate conversations with Ashura de la hotel Atlanta, and I want to share one of those conversations with
you. That one day the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, Yeah, I shall come over here Come close to me. So I showed the law and he comes close to the door.
Office of Allah Juanjo serum and she's inquisitive. You know, what is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam going to say to me, why is he calling me so close? So he brings your clothes and he says something to her. He says, Yeah,
I know when you are upset with me, and I know when you are happy and contented with me. Now I shall have the Allahu Tanana she's almost astonished. You know, this misconception that men don't pay attention to their wives. It's existed from like, from since history began. So she was shocked at how does the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam know this, you know, when did he have the time to pay attention to what I would say and what I would feel. And if I was allowed to sell them, he went on to say, Yeah, I uh, when you're angry with me, you swear by the Lord of Ibrahim, you say by the Lord of Abraham, such and such will happen. And by the Lord of Abraham, you will do such and such.
And when you are contented with me, you say by the Lord of Mohammed, such and such will happen, and the by the Lord of Muhammad, you will do such and such. Now, I showed the Allahu taala. Like we mentioned, women always have the last word. You know, even if the man thinks he has the last word. He is just under the misconception that a new conversation has already begun, and he didn't realize it.
So here I showed a doula who Thailand when she hears this from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, she's a bit astonished. And you can imagine in a couple of seconds, what would you respond to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, here's an individual who is the busiest person on the planet, but he's still taking time to recognize the feelings of his wife, he's still taking the time to pay close attention to the words that she uses. So she says something even more profound. She says Jada Salalah, even though the words may change, instead of Mohammed, I say Ibrahim realized realize that that love in the heart stays the same forever, that even though the words may change,
that love will always be there. And this is what communication and spending time with one another is all about. If you look at this conversation that took place all together, it's not even a minute long. But you can imagine the impact it's having on the two individuals, the wife will never feel more loved. And the husband will never feel more honored and respected. That even though the words may change, she's still venerates and reveals him in his heart. And a woman realizes that as busy as a husband and a man may be, he still pays attention to her words, and he holds on to them dearly. And he shows that love and respect for her. So this is between the spouses. When it comes to the
children, you'll see children are a bit more difficult. You know, for parents, it's not very easy to pick up a joystick and start playing video games with them. It's not very easy that you know, they start playing with Barbies and candles with their children. It's not very easy, I understand that. But a lot of the times parents are not required to do this, they can dictate the activity, and the very fact that the parent is willing to spend time with the child, the child will accommodate to the parent. So of parent finds it easy just to read a book a child will be willing to do so every parent finds it easy to play sports with the child, the child will be more than willing to do so. The fact
just needs to be there. We need to have that concern for our families, regardless of how we spend time with our children. And you will see this is how we will have the biggest effect on our children. Parents always want their children to be more righteous, they always want them to have better luck and character. But dear parents, please realize and understand that our children and your children are reflective of the way that you are at home. They are reflective of the way that the mothers are at home. You will not have a child raised in righteousness and with God character if the parents are not manifesting the exact same sentiment and the exact same actions, but rather
implement Islam in your hearts, implement Islam in your actions, and your children will naturally pick it up. But if you don't start off with that first step, then how can you expect the exact opposite from your children, that you are leading lives of where you Islam is not a priority in your life, when your children grow up, and they start to disobey you when your children go up and start to do actions that are displeasing to you. Why wait till that time till you recognize the mistakes that you made. From this point on. You make Islam a priority in your life and you spend time with your children Bismillah heeta Allah you will be able to reform your children, you will be able to
reform your family you will be able to reform society when Allah hits Allah start spending quality time with their spouses and with your children and it will make a world of a difference.
And point number five be the light to Allah. And this is my last point before I conclude
that as human beings we have a tendency to stress out and to worry. And we tend to forget that there are always individuals who have been in greater predicaments and in greater problems that we have been in. And there's always been one source of victory
And one source of help alone and that is Allah subhanho wa Taala.
Always seek the help of Allah subhanho wa Taala when you're trying to do anything, right now, the very fact that you've come to this conference, it shows that you have a genuine concern for your family, for yourself from your community, and for everyone else. So do not forget to engage Allah subhanho wa Taala in all aspects of your life, make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala because there's nothing that pleases Allah subhanho wa Taala more than making dua to him. Ask him for your needs, asking for whatever you want to see. Ask him for whatever you want to done for you. And you will see that Allah subhanho wa Taala will be there to respond. This is a promise from Allah subhanho wa
Taala a promise that will never be broken, a promise that will never be deceived. And it is a promise that will always be fulfilled. So always keep making dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala that he rectifies yourself and he rectifies your families and always keep that in your mind. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to make dua at the end of his Cottbus when the whole community is there, congregating in front of him, Allah Hamas Nanana Dhan yojana na t v hammer Hama Hashanah wash Nana, irrationality, la Hama, zona, that Oh Allah rectify the world that we live in and make it a better place for us and rectify the accurate for us where our final abode will be. You will see of
all the doers the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could have made on the member could have made supplicating This is the dua that he was making. So brothers and sisters take this opportunity and making dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala. This world that we live in, we have become too busy to recognize and realize that at times, it is a very dark and disturbing place to live in. It is a place that sucks out that goodness from you, and sucks out all of that energy. But if you recognize Allah subhanho wa Taala as your source of help, and seek his aid and assistance, and then take the practical steps that I have mentioned before Allah hits Anna, it is not only this community of the
Islamic Information Society of Calgary that we can change, but we can change the City of Calgary, the province of Alberta, the country of Canada, and the whole world. It starts with you as an individual, take care of yourselves, take care of your families and be the lights are there everything else will fall into place. But if you do not consider yourself significant enough, if you do not consider your family significant enough to change, then the destruction began a long time ago. Because brothers and sisters, you were created to go to Geneva, Allah subhanho wa Taala knows this, you have to recognize this. But Jen does not want to be given to anyone and to everyone. You
work a little bit for it strive towards Allah subhanho wa Taala and Allah subhanho wa Taala will give it to you. So I pray to Allah subhanho wa Taala as they conclude that he increases the righteousness in our hearts and increases us in righteous deeds, and makes us the future leaders not only of this oma but of this world, because this world can no longer live in the darkness that it is currently in. We have to be that source of light, and we have to be that source of guidance, and we seek Allah's tofik to do so. What akyuu Donna and Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa sallam robotica in the Vienna Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi
wabarakatuh