Navaid Aziz – An Introduction To Prophetic Emotional Intelligence
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AI: Transcript ©
Oh
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa sallahu wa sallim wa barik ala
Nabina Muhammad who either early he was a big man Allahumma de la
Madonna. Lemme alum tena allimand Mo Yan photo now one fat and
that'd be my lump Turner was in the Omega Khadim. My dear brothers
and sisters As Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
So our topic of discussion for tonight is prophetic emotional
intelligence. What do we mean by emotional intelligence to
summarize what we're going to be discussing, it is taking your
understanding of your emotional state, as well as the emotional
state of someone else. And using your knowledge of manipulation of
emotions, for lack of a better word, to reach a certain goal to
reach a certain goal. So you use this understanding for your own
purpose for a particular goal. Now, there's a side subject known
as moral intelligence that is usually accompanied with emotional
intelligence, because we don't want it to be purely manipulative
for individual gain, but it should be something beyond ourselves. So
we'll see how the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam
understood this and how he navigated through this, as well.
So we start off with the burden. What was the burden that the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam carried? Allah subhanaw
taala. He tells us a little bit about this burden in Surah Nisa
when he says after I was a bit let him cheat on a gem for kefir,
either Vietnam in Kowloon, Metin be Shaheed we're jitna Vika Allah
Allah II Shahida Abdullah bin Masuda are the Allahu Taala Anhu
he narrates that one day he saw the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam in cuyama Lane and he was frankly AMOLED and he kept on
repeating this verse and he was crying and crying profusely, so
much so that the floor underneath him was drenched by his tears was
drenched by his tears. So now why was the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam so perturbed with this verse? Because Allah subhanho wa
Taala is telling him that you're going to come into the head of
humanity, and be a witness against them, you will testify against all
of humanity on the day of judgment. And this was very, very
burdensome upon the prophets of Allah and they were seldom and
this is where I think we genuinely do not appreciate the grandiose
task, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had, like, if you
are Adam Alayhis Salam, either Maliki salaam knows he's the first
prophet. But there's a few 100,000 coming after him. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he knows for a fact that there is no
prophet or messenger coming after him. Like you have to nail this to
the tee. Because if you don't, there's no one coming after you to
fix this. And this is why it was such a beautiful relationship that
Allah subhanaw taala had with the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam,
that in the few instances, departments of Allah Azza wa
salaam showed his humanity, Allah subhanaw taala was always there to
improve that Allah subhanho wa Taala was always there to improve
that. So this was the burden the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam carried, that he was going to show up on the day of judgment
as a witness against all of humanity. So now, if you
understand that you're going to be a witness against all of humanity,
and you have the responsibility of conveying Islam, to all of
humanity, what type of tactics are you going to use, and this is
where for those of you that have been engaged in Dawa,
it's very important to understand a difference between an emotional
approach, a logical approach, a psychological approach and a
spiritual approach. These are genuinely four approaches that
people will take in engaging with something. When you look at
reasons as to why people accept Islam, how much of it is based
upon logic? And what I mean by that is, you will notice all of
these famous debates that take place you know, when I was growing
up as a child, we had checked out my data, Rahim Allah, he'd wiped
the floor with Jimmy Swaggart, like three or four times amazing
debates. But how many times did people actually convert as a
result of those debates? Very, very few. Right? So conversion to
Islam is very similar to why people actually leave Islam. A lot
of it is based on emotion. A lot of it is based upon psychology, a
lot of it is based upon the spirituality. Yet the failure that
we have as a society when we judge a person's intelligence is purely
based upon logic. Oh, how smart is a person? Let's look at their I
say, their SATs, let's look at their IQ. Yet the understanding of
a person's emotional, psychological or spiritual
intelligence is completely irrelevant. Here we'll have
one of the great Imams of the center. He has a statement he
says, I've studied many, many books. And after reading all of
them, I've come to the conclusion that the first of them to the last
of them there was no one more intelligent that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa said them. So intelligence over here is it being
restricted to logic alone? No, it's not. Because we know that the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself was unlettered. He
didn't go to school. He didn't learn how to read or write. Yet
the Prophet sallallahu
Allah was salam had something greater, which was revelation,
which was the greatest form of intelligence. In fact, as
intelligence reaches its pinnacle, it reaches just below revelation,
and it will never reach that level. Because revelation comes
from Allah subhanho wa taala.
So now, if you understand this component of understanding
emotions, and what you're meant to do with it, and the burden that
the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam carried, of conveying Islam to
everyone, what does success actually look like? So one of the
metrics of success that we can look at is how did people feel
around the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, how safe did
they feel? How loved did they feel? And one of the greatest
examples that we see is in the hadith of Amitabh Laos, or the
Allahu taala. And who is that? He came to the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam and he says, All Messenger of Allah, who is the
most beloved person to you, and the prophets of Allah, Allah wa
salam says, Aisha, and then he responds on Messenger of Allah.
I'm not talking about the women folk, but from amongst the men.
And it's very important to understand context over here,
because I'm gonna be the last was convinced that there is no one
more beloved to the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam than me, I
can guarantee this. I am the most beloved person to him, just upon
the way that he felt. So he answers I shouted, Allahu taala.
And, and he's like, Okay, we're gonna let that one slide. Because
obviously, you can never say you love someone more than your wife,
right? Because he's gonna get in trouble when he gets home. So
we're gonna let that one slide. So he says, Yara Salah Allah, I don't
mean from the woman folk, but from the men. And he's like, I got this
in the bag. It's going to be me. And he says it's her father. heart
sinks a little bit, but he's like, look, Abu Bakr Radi Allahu Taala
and who How can you compete with that? He is his you know, father
in law best friend. You know, I can't really compete with that.
That answer makes sense. Okay, if I can't be first I'm definitely
second. And in the versions of the Hadith, it continuously goes on
dimension armor goes on dimension awesome and goes on dimensionally.
The point being duel wasn't even in the top three. Like you could
see that his heart sunk, he was crushed. He's like, I can't
believe I was so wrong about being loved by the Prophet salallahu
Alaihe Salam. Now is this a shortcoming and admirable Alas,
no, not at all. But rather, this is a praiseworthy characteristic
of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that no one entered his
company, except that they felt valued, except that they felt
loved. So if you want to look at your level of emotional
intelligence, how do people feel around you starting off with
feeling comfortable starting off with is it a safe space? And are
you trust trustworthy, starting then following up with, you know,
friendship, and continued relationship and then love in
general, so the province of Allahu Allah, we still have manifested
this level of intelligence.
So now, this is a general reminder that every relationship has to
revolve around mercy. Now, you may think that's obvious. And the
answer to it is that is not as obvious as you think, for two
reasons. Number one, if it was as obvious as we think we would be a
lot more merciful, and compassionate with one another.
And then number two, is that being Stern, is only as effective as
your level of mercy. So someone that's constantly stern with their
family members. If they're continuously stern with them, it
has no effect, or dad's just angry all the time. That's who he is. In
fact, it becomes very strange when he shows some sort of love or some
sort of affection. Whereas for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, He's showing us that the default rule of engagement with
people is meant to be one of mercy. And this is why Allah
subhanaw taala he tells them for BML, Rama teaming Allah He lent
Allah home while canta for the holiday called Milan fourth domain
Holic, that it is by the mercy of Allah subhanho wa Taala that you
were gentle in your dealings with them for had you been hard hearted
and stern with them, they would have dispersed and left you. So
the first thing we want to look at in all of our relationships, is
how much mercy do we manifest in that relationship? And every
relationship has to be based upon Mercy, the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he tells us that Allah subhanaw taala has 100
mercies, of which he sent one down to this earth, through which a
mother shows mercy to her child. And that is meant to be the
default set of engagement with human beings. So now this is where
we spend the vast majority of our time tonight in this one verse
from Surah, two Toba what Allah subhanho wa Taala says, look at
the jell o Kamara Shalom in unfussy calm as he is on Allah
Hema, I need to hurry so now they can build more menina or O for
Rahim, a messenger has come to you from among yourselves. Your
suffering distresses him, most eager is he for your welfare, and
full of kindness and mercy towards the believers.
So now when Allah subhanaw taala tells us there has come to you a
prophet and messenger from amongst your own selves. What does that
actually mean? So I want to hear from you guys when Allah subhanaw
taala tells us that there is come to you a prophet and messenger
from amongst your own selves. What is this referring to?
Who can tell me
please, not all at once.
The coloration, but what about the Kurdish
they weren't the Christians, they weren't the Jews.
Same culture, okay, now we're getting somewhere. So the pastor
silom has the same culture as you he has the same upbringing as you,
he has the same familiarities as you. And this is one of the
beautiful things is that when you when an outsider came to the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he is unable to
distinguish the process or learn from his companions, based upon
mere appearance, right? He dressed like them, he ate like them, he
sat like them, everything that the Prophet SAW Allah why they did
pretty much was like his companions. So it wasn't his
physical appearance that gave him away. It was his o'clock and his
character that made him distinguished from everyone else.
Now, is this the only interpretation? And the answer is
no, because what we want to look at is Manasa and Manasa.
Traditionally, it's done between Surahs and verses of the Quran. So
Manasa is what is the relationship with what you're looking at in
relation to what is prior to it and what is after it. So you can
do that in relation to surahs. So what is the relationship between
Surah Fatiha SOTL, baccarat and Surah Al Imran, right? How does
Surah Baqarah fit in the middle between these two? Or you can do
it in between verses like from Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen or
Rahman Rahim, Maliki AMI Dean. What is the relationship between
these three verses? And you can even do it within a verse itself.
So in this verse, What is the relationship with the beginning of
the verse to the middle of the verse? So look at the Jah kumara
solo min and forsaken, Isaiah is on either Hema anethum So there
has come to you a prophet and messenger for amongst your own
selves. And it is severe upon him the pain that you feel how do you
tie these two together? Well, when you look at the seal of the
Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, and this is you know what I spoke
about in my clip, but today, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam basically felt every type of pain that you can think of
whether it was from loss to all the people that he lost from his
father, to his mother, to grandfather, to first wife to five
children, to non Muslim uncle that he loved dearly, and it was his
defender. All of these people passed away and died to treachery
and betrayal to the way that the tribes of Medina treated the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when they were meant to
defend the city of Medina, all of these things the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wasallam experienced now when you study the
Ceylon, you look at the pain the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam experienced a lot of the times we justified as So the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could rely upon Allah
subhanho wa Taala more, right all of these people are taken away
from his life, so that he is solely depending upon Allah
subhanho wa taala. Factually this is true. But is this the only
reason the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam felt pain? And
the answer is no, because it also made the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam more relatable, and it also made the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam more empathetic. So a man comes to the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he says the auto Shula, my father has
died. And what did the province of Salem say? He says, both my father
and your father are together in the hereafter. Right? He's
experienced that pain. All ready, he's experienced that pain
already. And this made the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam more
empowered to interact with people. So now the prophets of Allah Azza
wa sallam, not only does he know the pain, the experience of the
pain that the person is going through, but he also knows the
best strategies to make sure that pain doesn't paralyze you. He also
knows the best strategies to make sure that the pain does not
paralyze you. And this is what ties into the next part of the
verse. How do you so now they come that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam wants what is best for you?
How do you desire what is best for people without it not impacting
your ego? And I'll give you a very specific example of this. In
Kitab, Monica have several Bukhari, the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam he paired the Mohammed urine with the unsought
so when Domo hydrocodone the people from Makkah came to Medina,
he took one person from the MO hydrocodone and paired them with
one person from the unsought the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam
paired up of the man with which on Saudi who was the unsavoury that
Abdurrahman they've been off got paired with who remembers
Saudi Arabia, Saudi Arabia was the company that Abdullah Mohammed bin
of God paired with Saudi Arabia he tells
As of the Ramadan they've been off and this is amazing against Subhan
Allah because he knows nothing about Abdul Rahman Ibn off, other
than the fact that this man loves Allah and His Messenger sallallahu
alayhi salam, and he has made hijra. That's all he knows about
him. He tells him, I have two houses. Take any one of my two
houses. I have two businesses. Take any one of my two businesses
and this was before the verses of Nick and Allah who revealed he
says, I have two wives. I will divorce anyone that my two wives,
and you can marry her Subhanallah you would think this is amazing,
right? You come to a new city. The guy offers you his house. He
offers you his business, like you're set, what more could you
want? But this shows us prophetic tarbiyah which is not to take free
handouts if you don't need it. Like it is more honorable for you
to work for yourself than to take a free handout. So I've got a man
that went off. He says, Show me where the market places. He starts
trading dried yogurt, till eventually he's able to save up
some gold. So one day the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he
sees him in the marketplace. And he sees a yellow stain on his
shirt. And he asks him Yeah, man, what is this stain on your shirt?
And he says the outer sill Allah, I got married yesterday. And I
often think about this man. If you talk about not putting your your,
like your ego in front of you. Like this is a clear example of
it. Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was home by a man that went
off gets married last night. And he doesn't even invite the Prophet
sallallahu. It was sunnah. Like how would you feel one of your
homeboys gets married and you will you don't get invited? Like you
would question that friendship, your question that relationship.
But if I was still Aloha, and he was still him is leaps and bounds
above us, right? He's in a league of his own sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam. So he tells him have a did you give her a dowry? He says yes,
he also Allah gave her some gold. And then he says, oh, Lamelo bisha
that have a walima have a celebration, even if it is just
with slaughtering a sheep. So he always wanted what was best for
people, and he never let it affect his ego. And again, subhanAllah
like, this is a huge thing. Your friend gets married, don't get
invited, but you're still so concerned about his ACARA about
him practicing Islam properly. He's making sure did you give her
a dowry? Yes. Did you have a celebration? No. Okay, you know
what you need to go do that. Because this is what we do in
Islam. Now, we have the celebrations. So the promises are
always desires, what is best for people. And this also becomes one
of the most important characteristics and traits that
people can develop, which is desiring people designing good for
people out of the genuine goodness of your heart. So wherever you
are, you always want what is best for people putting your ego aside.
And then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is described as
compassionate and merciful. The inevitable reality of
relationships is that the more time you spend with people, the
more likely things are going to happen, where you experience pain
as a result of the relationship. This can happen from the mistakes
that they make. This can happen from the unrealistic expectations
that you set for the relationship. All of this happens yet the
Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam is told to us to be merciful and
compassionate. And you can think of so many examples of this.
Pamela, just one of the examples we were thinking of earlier. The
example of how to Bibi belta Radi Allahu Taala Ando for though,
besides those of you that were there, who is hotter with Nabil
belta, who can remind me this companion, how have they been able
to why is he significant?
I'll give you a hint. Think of the factory of maca. Think of the
father of maca. Bismillah Go ahead.
The custodian
of the keys is are you referring to because he passed away
recently? The one of the custodians No, okay.
I sent that is the one that is the one. So the first hammock is about
to happen. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he
said of one army that's leaving Medina going in the wrong
direction, to basically divert the spies that were looking at what
the believers were doing. And another army took a long route to
Mecca. And the goal eventually was to take back Quebec for the
believers hottub or the Allahu Taala and who he had family that
was still in Mecca. And he sends a letter to his family. Through a
woman through the desert, there's no way the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam could have known this without divine intervention.
Gibreel comes to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he
says that Hotham has sent this letter and the prophets of salaam
sends the idea of the Allahu Taala and who to go in intercepted this
letter. Now, I want you to understand this situation. This is
such a secret mission that no one is supposed to know about. And
number two, it's meant to take back the base of the Muslims, it's
meant to take back Butker so you're basically divulging the
secrets of the Ummah in one of its greatest expedition.
Since that's treason, that is the highest level of treason right
there. And while all the Companions, or a lot of the
companions are ready to attack hottub, what does the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wasallam show us, he shows us two very important
traits over here. Number one, always remember your history with
this person. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam openly
reminds everyone that have attended brother, a time where
everyone's life was on the line and Islam was on the verge of
extinction, how they've had participated in the Battle of
brothers, and he reminds everyone of the good that have a had. And
then number two, and this is where we're often told, you know, what,
don't look at people's intentions. We're often told don't look at
people's intentions. But this isn't holistically true. There are
certain times where you should look at people's intentions were
How did he did this for the sake of the dunya not for the sake of
you know, a lack of water for the believers or having Bara, you
know, from the believers. He did this for the sake of the dunya and
everyone is going to make mistakes with regards to the dunya and this
is where you actually do look at people's intentions if it will
help you forgive them or overlook their shortcomings, then we should
look at their intentions. In fact Allah subhanho wa Taala he tells
us in Surah Tober laser Allah dua Ivana Allah mandala wala Allah
Allah then Allah G Dona Maryana Kona Hara Jun is Nasir holy la he
was foolish, that there is no blame upon the week, sick,
elderly, and those that could not find any financial means as long
as they are sincere to Allah and his messenger sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam. So those that couldn't attend the Bible have to book as
per the verse, As long as they fell in this category, and they
were sincere to Allah Subhana Allah, Allah and His Messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, there is no blame upon them. So let's
actually break down this framework. The framework that
we're using, is approach everyone, as if they're experiencing them
some pain. And if you've known that pain, it makes you more
relatable, but at the very least, it should make you empathetic
towards them. It should make you empathetic towards them. Number
two, always desire what is best for people in that current
circumstance and situation, but holistically as well. And then
last but not least, as you interact with people know that
they will hurt you know that they will disappoint you pardon and
forgive, pardon, and forgive. And you'll notice that in those
moments of pardon and forgiveness, that is truly where you win the
loyalty of the people. When you have every reason to punish them,
you have every reason to cut them off, yet you find it inside of you
to forgive and pardon and overlook that is when you win their
loyalty. One of the greatest examples I can think of is in the
Battle of butter itself. That companion that is not standing up
straight. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taps him on his
stomach with his staff. And the man he shows some sort of
annoyance and he says, Oh Messenger of Allah, I want to I do
right you hide my stomach. And you probably saw Allah while he was
telling me he doesn't argue with him at this point. Right? Doesn't
tell him I'm the pastor was LM, you can seek justice from me. He
doesn't say look, we're at the Battle of badass. Let's focus on
this later. The promises are still under sub t shirt, and handsome
the Stephanie says take your retribution. What is the man do
the man he bends down and he kisses the stomach of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And this shows you the level of
loyalty that these people had, based upon the willingness and
sacrifice the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was willing to
make for his companions. So now
we've spoken about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will
always say we should be following the example of the Prophet
salallahu alayhi wa sallam, but psychologically, emotionally and
spiritually, do we have the bandwidth to do so? Seldom do
people possess the emotional bandwidth to handle their own
problems and worries, let alone those of others, we naturally
avoid pain. And for this reason, many people shy away from
emotional investment in others all together. Meaning that we're so
focused on our own problems and our own situations that we're
struggling with genuinely struggling with that when we see
other people that are struggling and going through hardship. We
avert ourselves from that. And one of the clearest examples that I
can give is your driving down the street. And there's a homeless
person at the light.
And they come walk through the cars asking for change. What
usually happens at that time?
Exactly. You hit the button, put the window up, turn on the Quran,
and hope that light turns green as soon as possible. That was and
that's what ends up happening. Why does that happen? Right? Because
we feel we're not in the situation to help someone at that time. We
don't want to help someone that's you know, worst case
scenario. But that is a natural human reaction. And if it happens
in those situations, now you can understand that it happens in
other situations as well, but just with different dynamics. So what
we learn from this is that before you help others, you have to have
your own coping mechanism strategy, you have to be able to
handle your own problems, and the process of them going through so
many years of hardship as a young child and losing his parents. By
the time he became older, he had learned how to navigate his
emotions, he had learned how to navigate his problems, he had
learned how to carry his own problems, so much so that he
didn't identify him. But rather, he used that knowledge now to help
others. So what we learned from this is that as you develop your
own emotional intelligence, you have to learn to expand your
bandwidth, your ability to carry problems, your ability to be okay
with the discomfort of the problems that you experience, only
then will you be able to help others. And again, I alluded to
this in today's hotbar. But the more you understand who Allah
subhanaw taala is, the better you'll be able to handle your
problems, the less you know about Allah subhanaw taala and who he
is, the greater the problem has actually become in your perception
of it. Right. So it's all about your belief system, particularly
your understanding of Allah, and your understanding of God. If you
can understand these two at a deep level, understanding the problems
that you face, it becomes so much easier, and you're able to help
people. But if your understanding of Allah subhanaw taala is
lacking, and your understanding of God is lacking, then your ability
to help others will also be lacking and will also be
deficient. So this approach, while it sounds easy on paper, is
actually not that easy. Up and until you do some work on
yourself. Right? And this is where, you know, the topic of
mental health is such a huge topic in our community, but open until
we're able to work on our own traumas, from our family traumas,
communal, communal traumas, generational traumas, we're not
going to be able to help other people. And I believe, for the
very sake of our children, at least, we need to put that work in
so that we can be good parents towards our children, let alone
everyone else. Right. Let's start with that, at the very least
because our children deserve better. So now, I will bring this
hadith in front of you. And I want you guys to discuss this with me.
Because there's a hadith that we all know pretty well, we've all
heard many, many times. But we now want to look at it from a notional
intelligence lens. So what are the things that the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam is doing as a result of his emotional
intelligence? So the hadith is reported in Ahmed, a young man
came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, All
Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit adultery. The
people turned to rebuke Him, saying quite quite, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Come here, the young man came
close, and he told him to sit down. The Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam said, Would you like that for your mother? The man
said, No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Neither would people like it for
their mothers. Would you like that for your daughter? The man said no
by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you? You probably sal Allahu
alayhi wa sallam said neither would people like that for their
daughters. Would you like that for your sister? The man said no, but
Allah may be sacrificed for you. You probably sal Allahu alayhi wa
sallam said neither would people like it for their sisters. Would
you like that for your aunt? The man said no by Allah may be
sacrificed for you. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
neither would people like it for their aunt's than the property it
placed his hand on him. And he said, Oh Allah, forgive his sins,
purify his heart, guard his chastity. After that the young man
never again inclined to anything sinful. And another narration the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, then hate what Allah
has hated, and love for your brother, what you love for your
self. So what are particular things that the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam has done in this hadith that would indicate his
emotional intelligence?
And this is just by your analysis from what you've learned so far.
Excellent, so the brother mentions that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam did not directly answer the question. He could have just
said, It is haram. Right? End of story. Move on next question. The
Prophet salallahu alayhi. Salam didn't to do that. But he wanted
this man to have an answer ingrained in his mind. And this
shows us a very deep level of intelligence, because you can feed
someone the answer, or you can help them self discover, and self
discovery will always be remembered self discovery will
always be remembered. Whereas direct answers
may not excellent so that's one. What else did the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa salam do? Go ahead. Yeah.
He made him understand the gravity of the sin so he places a
deterrent in front of him right? You should hate what Allah
subhanaw taala hates. You would hate to this for yourself. So how
can you like it for someone else? Right? He makes him feel the filth
behind the action. Right? You wouldn't like this for your mother
or Obinna, you wouldn't like this for your sister or Obinna. Right,
he makes him feel that filth that comes with the action. So that is
an emotional attachment to the haram. And you'll notice that with
Haram as you become desensitized to it, the more alluring and
appealing it becomes, because the disgust behind it is gone. But as
soon as that Disgust is back, you're less likely to commit it
because you feel that disgust before you actually partake on it.
It is Akula fed. What else? What else says the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam done?
Yeah, go ahead.
Excellent. And I'm going to extract two points from this
before the question is even asked. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa
sallam has created a space for asking. And I know people say this
as a cliche all the time. But I mean, this is a genuine analysis
of our own communities. How many messages could a teenager go to?
And ask the Imam and the Halacha like this? Yeah, share via email
allow me to commit Zina?
Like how many safe spaces do we have? And we can be honest and
real with ourselves. They are far and few in between. So even before
the question is asked, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has
created this safe space, where you can come as you are, and ask
anything that is on your mind. Number two, is that people have
this habit of if you don't think like us, don't act like us. Don't
talk like us, we're going to push you to the fringes. Right? This
man was clearly disturbed with something that was on his mind.
The companions are telling him keep quiet, don't ask, don't do
that. Right and keeping him away from the Halacha. Right just did
sit sit on the side, that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam brings him close. And this is such a huge lesson Subhanallah
that people that are pushed to the fringes of society, as believers,
we have a responsibility to pull them in. As believers, we have
responsibility to pull them in. Excellent. What else do we see? Go
ahead?
Man, there's so many points to extract from that. Let's extract
two of them. Number one, the importance of empathy, right? That
you can't love and hate things for yourself and not apply that for
others. Right? As believers, we are one body as believers, we are
one cohesive unit that cares for one another in that capacity. But
number two of the importance of male Zerah for their female
counterparts, like in our society, would something like this work.
Like in our society, the guy would be like, Yo, if my mom wants to do
something, or go do it, I'm not going to stop her. Like there's no
concept of male get over your women anymore. So this, you know,
analogy only works in a society that has Vera for their female
counterparts. So I think that's something that's very important
that has been alluded to.
Excellent. So tell me about the DUA, what's significant about the
DUA.
You want to be blocked for non Muslims to touch their hearts. So
I can imagine if someone was Muslim isn't planning for
something, and someone
touches a law
that impacts
100%. So there's two components to this door as well. Number one, the
physical touch and number two, the wording of the DUA. Right, the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Actually, let me ask you
this, why does the process haven't touched the young man? He clearly
could have made the offer him without touching. Why does he
touch him? Who can tell me why? Why does the person touch the
young man?
To show that he cares. That's definitely one element of it. The
process of showing that he cares for this young man.
The blessing, that's where everyone goes, you guys are
clearly snuffed out. I know that now. Go back to other parts of
Jersey.
There's definitely an element of Baraka. There's no shadow of a
doubt. But I think the big thing that people forget about is that
unless you have been in that situation, where are all the
biller? May Allah subhanaw taala protect every
one in this room from Xena made
or you thought about it deeply, there is an extreme amount of
shame and guilt and a feeling of disgust that comes with it. And
when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is touching this man, he
is basically showing him that in your mind, you may think you are
filthy in this mind, in your mind, you may think you are not worthy,
but by touching you, I want you to understand that you are pure, that
as the messenger of Allah as I touch you I will not touch filth,
I will not touch something that is impure. So this to console the man
that you are pure, that you are pure. And now look at the actual
dua like Subhan Allah, what a comprehensive dua, could you think
of a more comprehensive Dubai in this situation? The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam makes dua that Oh ALLAH forgive his
sins, all of his past sins, forgive them, purify his heart,
meaning the desires that he's feeling as intense as they are,
all purify his heart. And last but not least, guard his chastity,
protect his chastity, and SubhanAllah. These are the
struggles of our times, right. So now, when you have you know,
teenage kids of your own, this is a reminder for us, you have to
facilitate the pathway of marriage for them as they get older, right
you can to make marriage difficult for them. If you care about their
chastity, you care about their heart, you have to facilitate that
pathway of marriage. You can't appreciate what the Prophet SAW
Allah, Allah, send them did over here, and then make marriage
difficult for your children. It doesn't work. That's not the way
this works, right. So you have to facilitate the huddle and make the
Haram more difficult and make the Haram more difficult. Number two,
when you look at this dua, it encompasses body, mind and soul.
Right? It's all included in the DUA. And this shows again, the
perfect, you know, nature of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam
with a few words, he's able to hit so many targets with a few words,
he's able to hit so many targets. So now what this hadith actually
does for us, is the next time you look at a human interaction of the
Prophet salallahu, alayhi wasallam. You want to analyze it
from the lens of emotional intelligence, like what techniques
is the Prophet SAW Selim using the winds, this man's loyalty? That's
the question that we're asking. So the process of selling brings him
close. As everyone is pushing him away. He gives him the space safe
space to ask him any question that he likes. Number three, he's
making him logically understand why the action he wants is evil.
He's developing a sense of disgust affiliated with the Haram itself.
He shows him that he is still pure, even though he's only
thought of this. And then last but not least, he makes dua for the
person.
And Allah subhanho wa taala, he tells us in the Salah, Taka second
on the home, that your dua for people brings them tranquility.
And I think we don't appreciate this enough. Like we may all have
relatives that are not as practicing as they should be. And
you may think, what's the point of making dua in front of them, but a
small gesture like making a dua goes a very, very long way, not
only in acceptance with Allah subhanaw taala. But in terms of
you showing that you care, as a religious person, one of the most
powerful tools that you have is your DUA. So now, what do
relationships require? They require sincere empathy. They
require perceptive, emotional understanding. And they require
profound emotional investment, sincere empathy. This is what I
was talking about. You approach every person, as if they're
experiencing some sort of pain. You may know of it, you may not
know of it. But what does that lead to you being more merciful
and compassionate with them? Right, there's always this one
brother, always late, always shows up late. You're going out for
food. He's the last guy to show up. You're having a gathering at
someone's house. Last one to show up, you're playing ball together.
Last one to show up. Your natural human reaction is, man, why is
this guy always late? And you want to tell him off for being late?
But if you use this framework of empathy, of you know what, this
brother, he actually has a child with a disability. Right? a
cognitive disability. He's always struggling with it. He never talks
about it. I should be easy on the guy because he's dealing with a
lot already. He doesn't need slack from me, right? I should cut him
some slack, because he's going through those challenges. And you
have to understand that sometimes you may know their situation.
Sometimes you may not. But you have to give them the benefit of
the doubt. Yes, 0120101 to zero, make things easy for the people
are not difficult, give glad tidings to the people and do not
push them away. Number two, perceptive emotional
understanding. What is the difference and it's coming up
later? So it'd be just like a quick recap. What is the
difference between emotional awareness and emotional
understanding? emotional awareness is your ability to tell when is
someone happy? When is someone sad? And obvious signs are Oh,
someone's smiling or someone is crying? Those are the easy signs
of emotional
awareness. But how about a way a person sits the way they position
their arms can often be very telling, the level of energy that
they're displaying is very telling the level of eye contact that they
make with you is very telling. These are the ways that you have
emotional awareness. Emotional understanding, is you having
perception as to what got them to that state, right, you being able
to figure out and put the pieces of the puzzle together, that this
is what's happening in the person's life. And you develop an
understanding as to what you can do next, which is a profound
emotional investment. Which means that you allow people to be as
they are. And I think this is something that's very challenging
for like, traditional Desi and Arab men. But your wife at home
always has to be happy. Right? If she shows any emotion other than
happiness, do it when I'm not around. Right? Do it anywhere
other than in front of me, in front of me, you have to be happy
all the time. And this is an unrealistic expectation. No one
was created like that, right? And this is why we're not gonna get to
it because it's an optional exercise at the end of the
workshop. But there's a chapter in Sahih al Bukhari called the anger
and jealousy of women. And you look at this chapter and you
automatically think Imam Buhari is chauvinistic, misogynistic, male
from archaic Islam, right. But this is the exact opposite,
because he's showing us how the Prophet sallallahu it was said,
aloud, Aisha Radi Allahu Tada and had to be herself. She was happy
at times, she was angry at times.
And he shows us that the President allowed this free range of
emotion, because that is what human beings are meant to express.
So you have to create that safe space for people to be who they
are. This does not mean that they tolerate the Haram Please do not
misunderstand that the process Selim did not tolerate the haram.
But he allowed people to express their emotions within huddle
within Khaled so you create that safe space. Number two, no one
wants to be judged. No one wants to be judged. So when they say
something that they feel uncomfortable about, that they
feel shy and embarrassed about, your reaction should not be Haha,
I knew it. You're always a sinner, you're always a loser are always x
y Zed. That's not the reaction you're meant to have. Try to keep
it neutral, or try to keep it understanding. Like oh, Subhan
Allah, I'm so sorry. You had to experience that I'm so sorry that
you went through that, you know, may Allah subhanaw taala make
things easy for you. You're not alone in this situation. Right? So
no judgment. And then number three, is show them that there's
light at the end of the tunnel. Right? Show them that there's a
way out of their problem. It shouldn't be like, oh, man, you're
stuck, you're going to jahannam now, you know, that's it, you've
sealed your fate, which often happens? And again, you have to
have that positive mindset, or is that it? That's all it happened?
Bismillah this is easy, we can solve this together. Right? A good
friend, is double the joy, and half the pain. If you're truly a
good friend, you will celebrate their happiness and their
victories. And you will be there for them in their pain and misery
and take that away from them as much as possible. So how do we
understand people?
The literalist mindset tells us focus on the words that people
use. But when you actually study communication, only 7% of
communication is actual verbal. People actually articulating how
they feel, and what's actually going on with them.
38% is their tone and their expression, their level of energy,
the way they're talking the way they're expressing themselves. And
then 55% is actually on their face, and Subhanallah it's amazing
how Allah subhanaw taala created the human body. Human beings were
not created to lie. They were not created to lie. Their pupils will
dilate, they will look in a separate direction when they're
lying there, their heart rate goes up. All of these things have been
when a human being is like so when you're looking at communication,
don't just focus on the words. Look at the tone, look at the
expression look the look at the expression on their face, look at
the body language, all of that is so important. And so telling. So
when you're trying to communicate with someone go beyond the words
that is the point of this slide over here.
So now when people outburst Why do people outburst And subhanAllah
This is a very fascinating thing to look at.
As human beings we're all created upon the fifth hola como lo then
you will do al Fatah were created with this genuine goodness inside
of us with this good character this good o'clock this good
morality.
When we stray from that, that's learned behavior, that's learned
behavior. So the way we act out in pain is the way that we saw our
parents act out in pain. And we do similarly. Similarly, our
understanding of love is based upon what we saw our parents do
with one another. That is what a relationship between a husband and
wife looks like. And we replicate that. Which brings us to the story
of drunkenness. In Greek mythology. There's this village
that is constantly attacked by this lion. And the lion comes into
the village roaring and roaring and roaring and tearing everything
down and destroying everything in its way. Till one day, there is
this man and drugless. The king, you know, punishes him by exiling
him. So as he exiles and drunkenness, the lion is just
coming into town, and drugless, he can't go back into the town, he
has to go forward into the, into the jungle or the forest,
basically. And he comes across this lion, that's just creating
havoc and chaos. And you realize this, that there's something stuck
in the mouth of the lion, basically, like a bone, or like a
pig, or something of that nature. So he takes very, very slow steps.
And as the lion is shouting and roaring, he calms the lion down,
by rubbing his hand on his front name, and tells him that, look,
I'm here in peace, I'm not going to harm you, everything's going to
be okay. And then he takes out that which is harming him, that
which is harming him. So now, all the people in the town, they saw
this, and they're amazed that he takes out to this thing in the
lion's mouth, and the lion comes down, he's no longer creating
havoc, he is no longer destroying things. And then the lion goes
away. And the people they embrace and drugless again, because now he
saved them from this roaring lion. And this teaches us such a
valuable lesson, that the lion was not there to harm the people in
the first place. But he's shouting and screaming and destroying
things, to get attention from the people that I'm in pain, I'm in
pain, I need your help, I can't help myself. And when kids have
outbursts, that's exactly what's happening. You know, a young
child, when it comes into this world, it does not have the
ability to articulate what it needs. So anytime it needs
something, it starts crying. It has a soiled diaper, it starts
crying and wants to be fed, it starts crying, it wants to go to
sleep, it starts crying, its tummy is bothering it, it starts crying.
That outburst is coming from a place of pain, you take care of
the pain, you have dealt with the outburst. So this is the general
theory over here is that when human beings act out, don't focus
on the reaction. Don't focus on Oh, they're acting a certain way.
And then you shun them, and you ignore them and you tell them off.
But if you can troubleshoot what is causing the pain, you will
troubleshoot the symptoms as well, which are the outbursts that human
beings experience, awareness and understanding. emotional awareness
is simply one's ability to see or perceive emotional shifts, whereas
emotional understanding is one's ability to understand the forces
behind those shifts. So awareness is knowing that the lion is in
some sort of negative emotional state awareness, or understanding
is to be able to see that there's something stuck in the lines of
mouth. So the next time you're in the relationship, and someone has
an outburst, don't react to the outburst. So mine comes home from
work. Wife is having a fit over something. And she's saying,
you're always late, you don't pay enough attention to me. You never
give me time. And the mind becomes very defensive. And he's like,
whenever I come home, the house is always dirty. The kids are never
kept clean, the food isn't ready, and they start having this fight.
You counter this by this emotional awareness and emotional
understanding. I've come home. Clearly my wife is overwhelmed.
The kids have drove her crazy. She tried her best to keep the house
clean. She tried her best to get the food ready. But my kids are
just maniacs. I need to embrace that. So it's not her fault. So
rather than becoming defensive, the best thing you can do is go to
her, give her a hug, make her feel safe, kiss her on the forehead,
and sages, aka Lakota, and I appreciate everything that you do
for this family. And you've saved yourself and her hours of pain and
misery and you're going back and for that hurt egos and hurt
feelings and all this fighting that goes on. If you understand
that she's having an outburst that has nothing to do with you. You're
just the first adults that came in front of her that she could
respond
Still, so the adult thing to do is, look beyond the physical
appearance. Don't just have awareness but have an
understanding behind it as well. What are the pitfalls that we
experience? Number one, there's a high price to pay for ignoring our
own emotional states. feelings and desires that have not been
acknowledged and examined, will continue to haunt us and affect
our behavior until we face them, and deal with them appropriately.
By ignoring our emotions, we slowly develop a lack of
familiarity with ourselves. And this lack of familiarity leads to
avoiding moments of inner reflection and contemplation. We
feel awkward when we are alone. Just as one feels awkward in the
presence of a stranger, we have effectively become strangers to
ourselves.
I think the thing that we can relate to this the most is if you
have lost one of your parents,
if you lose one of your parents, it is one of the most difficult
experiences that you can face. And I use that because everyone is
going to lose one of their parents sooner or later.
And society tells you you know what? Move on, pack up their
stuff, pray their janazah bury them. And then don't worry, you're
gonna make dua for them, don't worry, you can visit them in the
cemetery.
But how do you deal with the emotions on the inside, that these
were the same people that when you used to wake up at night, and you
need to be changed, they were the ones that did it. When you need to
be fed. They're the ones that did it. When you said Mama, Bob, I
want to buy this toy. They're the ones that bought it for you. When
you wanted to go to a particular school, they made sure you went to
the best school. They wanted you to be more successful than their
own selves. They were your number one cheerleaders, they were
possibly the reason of your success due to the sincere demise
that they used to make to Allah subhanaw taala.
And the more you analyze this, the more you understand this, the more
you feel like you've had such an immense loss.
But we don't have the ability to talk about this. Who do I even
talk to this about?
Who can I be vulnerable enough with that if my body is telling me
to cry, I allow it to cry. Because at all other times I have to be a
man and a man doesn't cry, particularly not in front of his
women folk, particularly not in front of the community. So you
start to ignore these emotions. So the next time you hear of an
auntie is name that had the same name as your mom that passed away.
You let it be? You try not to think about it. You remember your
mom's favorite food comes up, you're like forget about it.
There's something else that you and your mom used to do. Perhaps
wash certain show you still watch it comes up on TV, you like forget
about it, you keep ignoring it, you keep ignoring it, you keep
ignoring it.
The sadness builds up inside of you. And then you start to wonder
why am I always sad? Why do I always feel sad? Nothing's
happening. I need to be sad about why am I sad? It is the build up
of that sadness. Till you become antisocial. I don't want to hang
out with people because I always feel sad around them. They always
tell me that I look sad and I feel sad. And I don't want to hear that
from them.
And you don't want to be alone either. Because all you feel is
that sadness and that emptiness. Now Subhanallah all of this could
have been avoided. If we found a safe space to speak about the
death of our parent
and have a support group speak to a psychologist, speak to someone a
close friend that can console you. And you have this conversation
over and over and over again till the you know what hamdulillah
SOHCAHTOA of Allah and inshallah I will meet my genetic LSVT my
mother at the gates of gender, and it's going to be a beautiful
meeting. So you have to learn to resolve those difficult emotions
and experiences that you go through. And the more difficult
the trial, the more work you have to put in Subhan Allah may Allah
protect us when one of your child dies, is another catastrophe and
calamity that's even more difficult than losing a parent.
There are so many things happen in life Subhanallah that shaped the
way that we become. But you have to invest in your own emotional
well being if you don't, you will not be able to have relationships
with people. Number two, we should never be overconfident that the
burdens we placed on others are within their capacity, simply
because they do not say anything. Rather we must fear Allah
regarding those people who cannot speak.
This is based upon the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam when one day he was walking by and a camera started shrieking
at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and there was a Salam
spoke with the camera and the camera told him that he was
overworked and
and basically was underfed and not given enough water. And Subhan
Allah was always profound is that this camel had hundreds if not
1000s of people walk by. But what did it see in the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that made it shriek out, that this is
someone that I can speak to and can help me with my problem. And
subhanAllah This is the beauty of our faith,
that at certain times, you will be like, Man, why do people always
come with me to their problems, and this happens to all of us, I'm
sure of it. Rather than treating it as a curse, treat it as a
blessing. It is a privilege to be able to help people. That is where
the greatest agenda is. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam
says it is more beloved to me, to help my brother in his time of
need than for me to make St. Catherine my masjid, I want you to
think about that it is more beloved to help people in their
time of need than to make a ticket in an Masuda, Naboo, to the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So to be able to help
people is a privilege. Now, this goes back to our framework that if
you go back to your relationships, and understand that everyone is
going through some sort of pain, also understand that out of
people's love for you, they will comply with what you have to say,
particularly your family at home. Right? You tell them to do certain
things. And they're not saying no. So what's the problem? If they had
a problem? They would say no, right? But the problem is our
seller Miss telling us to fear Allah with regards to those that
cannot speak. And the inability to speak is not just a physical one.
Yes, the animal, the animal did not have the ability to articulate
itself. But as human beings through the traumas that we
experience through our life experiences, through our inability
to express ourselves, we need to have mercy upon others, that if we
want someone to do something, make sure we give them proper
instructions, make sure we're aware of their ability to do it,
make sure that they're in the situation to do it. And if they're
not have mercy upon them, and don't give them that task, give it
to someone that actually can do it. So that when they are unable
to do the task, you don't get angry at them, because they were
just trying to please you in the first place. They didn't want to
disappoint you, they wanted to earn your love and your
satisfaction. So that's why they said yes. But in reality, they
didn't have the capability of doing so. But out of fear of a
variety of things, they did not articulate themselves. So the just
thing to do is for ourselves, to do our due diligence, and to make
sure that we create space for people to be successful in the
things that they are tasked with. Number three, as actions become
automated, we no longer remain mindful of them. With the loss of
mindfulness, there's also a loss of intent, and deliberation. It's
sort of like someone says, Hey, bro, how are you doing today? Your
natural reactions and Hamdulillah?
But is there any intentionality between the person asking how
you're doing? And is there any mindfulness in you saying
Alhamdulillah? And the answer is negative most of the time, so both
of them that we generally don't ask, how are you doing? And we are
generally don't mean Alhamdulillah? When we answer, it
is just a habit that we have created, that when you meet
someone, you have to ask them how they're doing. And the appropriate
response is Alhamdulillah. Even though you could be miserable
inside and you're gonna be dying inside. Right? So be mindful in
both in asking, and in expressing that when you ask someone shake
their hand with love and affection, and genuinely show
concern for them and say, you know, is everything okay? Are you
doing well? What's going on? And if you're not doing well, say,
Alhamdulillah, I'm not doing okay. But you know what, the fact that
you care makes my life so much better. I came across this
research, that when people are suicidal, they have suicidal
ideation. How long of an intervention do they need for them
to be deterred? Eight minutes, all people needed was eight minutes of
intervention, for you to go here, their problems, show genuine
concern for them, show them some sort of positivity and optimism
that things are going to be okay. In those eight minutes, you can
deter them. That's all that is needed. Subhanallah, eight
minutes.
So we need to be mindful in the way that we interact with people
and also in the way that we respond. Now, here are small
centers that make a big difference.
You can never deny the impact of a smile. In fact, you make eye
contact with someone you start smiling, they'll naturally smile
back at you to the best of their ability, right? So that's
naturally bringing happiness to them. Shaking hands, you know, I
first did this presentation in COVID. That's why it's
appropriate. A lot of people think I'm talking about brothers and
sisters. That's not what I'm referring to certain times you
just shouldn't be shaking hands. But in shaking hands, not only is
there forgiveness of sins,
But it's one of the best ways to show concern. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the the first person to let go or
the last person to let go. He was always the last person to let go.
And that shows genuine love and genuine concern. Number three,
speaking slowly and repeating yourself. So you're going to help
people be successful in communication. Oftentimes, we
speak very, very fast. We don't repeat what we say. We expect
people to understand as quickly as we speak. That's not the way the
world works. You have to speak slowly. You have to repeat
yourselves so that people can understand. Always express
appreciation. Whoever does not thank the people has not thanked
Allah, that is the reality. Be the first person to apologize. Even if
you're not wrong, put your ego aside, show the value of this
relationship to the other person by being the first person to
apologize. Always make dua, you notice that the process isn't
always always made to offer people, be there for people,
right? It's not enough that you're there to celebrate their
victories. But you also have to be there for people when they're
struggling. You have to be there for people when they're
struggling. And then last but not least learn to forgive for the
four walls for who allowed to happen on your federal law hula
comb that pardon and forgive, do not love that Allah subhanaw taala
should pardon and forgive you. I don't think there's anything on
this list that you didn't know already. But from a lens of
emotional intelligence, you can now see the value in all of these
actions. In winning people's loyalty in winning people's
allegiance
will come into questions I have like one slide left, this is
literally the last slide.
A plethora of recent studies now suggest that the foundation for
emotional capacities like emotional management, emotional
flexibility, and emotional understanding is laid primarily in
early childhood. An emotionally unintelligent adult is often the
result and victim of emotionally unintelligent parenting methods.
So someone gets married, and they're expecting some sort of
emotional intelligence in their spouse, and you're constantly
getting frustrated. But rather than getting frustrated at the
person, get frustrated at the circumstance of why was this
person not raised in a family that was more emotionally aware and
more emotionally understanding and allowed for a motor, more
emotional flexibility, you know, complete side tangent from this.
But one of the best activities that parents can do with their
children,
According to psychologists, is actually building one of those
large puzzles, like 1000 piece puzzles. Why is that so that the
child sees from the parent, how I should express myself when I'm
frustrated. And if you can express that emotion in front of your
child, that's how they learn to express emotion. So if you want
your child emotionally developed, express the full range of emotions
in front of them in their proper methods in their profit, manner
and manners. When you try to hide your emotions, or don't express
your emotions, that is when your child will be emotionally stunted.
But getting back to the point.
We would never call no honey Salem, a bad father, because his
son didn't accept this stuff. No honey Salam was from the old Isom
from the greatest of Prophets. We will not say that he was an
unsuccessful caller to Allah, just because he has a handful of people
follow him on the day of judgment, even though he gave Dow for 950
years, there are certain things that are in your control. And
there are certain things that are beyond your control. In your
control is putting in the effort guidance is in the hands of Allah
subhanaw taala. Similarly with relationships, you can take the
horse to water but you can't force it to drink. So in relationships
if you want as far as you possibly can, don't beat yourself up. Why
is my child not like this? Why is my spouse not like this? Why is my
sibling not like this, it is not your fault to begin with. You are
just put in a very difficult situation and circumstance. This
is what I conclude with. What I've presented is a one hour
presentation of a four hour larger workshop. You can find the full
thing on YouTube is called Emotional Intelligence in Islam,
by the way disease and you can also get a book that I will that I
based it on as one of the resources which was with the heart
in mind by Sheikh McHale Smith. So those are the two resources I
leave you with been in the Hinayana where you can get more
information. Well Allahu Taala Allah or SallAllahu send them an
article in the end Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam