Naima B. Robert – What is vaginismus Advice for Muslim women on painful sex @amirahzaky

So this is what was happening to me, I was experiencing vaginismus.

And it felt good to know that it had a name to it. And then I

started thinking, Okay, if this is what I'm going through, Surely

there must be a way to treat it, there must be a way to overcome

it. And that really came from starting the journey of educating

myself about *, I didn't realize that was like, what that was what

I was doing. But that's really where my journey towards *

education for myself started.

badassness is a condition in which a woman's pelvic floor muscles. So

the pelvic floor muscles are the muscles that surround your *.

So in vaginismus, the pelvic floor muscles contract automatically

involuntary involuntarily. And when those pelvic floor muscles

contract, it makes the * really narrow. I didn't know that

that was happening to me until I read about vaginismus. And you can

imagine if the * is becoming narrower. Now, if something's

trying to go in, such as during penetrative *, it's going to be

painful and difficult, there's going to be that friction due to

the narrowing of the *, from those pelvic floor muscles

contracting. So this is what was happening to me. I was

experiencing budget isness. And it felt good to know that it had a

name to it. And then I started thinking, Okay, if this is what

I'm going through, Surely there must be a way to treat it, there

must be a way to overcome it. And that really came from starting the

journey of educating myself about *. I didn't realize that was

like, what that was what I was doing. But that's really where my

journey towards * education for myself started, is I had to

educate myself about my own body about my female sexual anatomy, I

had to educate myself about how do I now get these muscles to relax?

If the issue is that they're contracting on their own? How do I

consciously get them to be relaxed so that my * is nice and wide

open for pain free penetration. And so I took that journey, I

eventually was able to overcome it, I was eventually able to have

pain, free * with my husband truly for the first time. So I'm

saying that because of how long after was that, how long are

Subhanallah it literally took me about four or five weeks to

overcome it, which is a short amount of time for most women,

it's it takes a bit longer. But for me, it was like, it just was

like that I don't know how to describe it was like the initial

education. So actually, I say four or five weeks, five weeks, but

maybe it was longer. Actually, it was four or five weeks, once I

bought myself a set of tools, they're known as dilators. They're

essentially like tampons, but they come from like, really small

sizes, and then they kind of gradually increase. It was from

the moment I ordered those dilators and received the dilators

and started using them from then it's when it took me four to five

weeks. But after your marriage was that, so how many that was more

than a year later, more than a year, so at least a year and a

half after my marriage.

So I was then I treated myself, and that treatment wasn't just

physical treatment using the dilators. That was one part of it.

But it was also, you know, I didn't realize I was doing this,

but I was also healing myself mentally from those fears, and

those myths that I believed about *. And I was then able to

finally have true first time * in a completely pain free way. And

why I say true first time is because the previous times, when I

tried to have first time * when they were painful, I don't see it

as my true first time I saw it as kind of like something that I

wasn't meant to experience. I wasn't meant to experience painful

for some *, but I did. And it was painful because of their lack

of education. And so once I had the right education, and I treated

myself and my husband's penis was finally able to fully go in my

*. And I saw for myself, Wow, there is no pain. I take that as

my true first time. And that is what I want for every single woman

is to if they're not married to go into a marriage with the right

education about her body, knowing how to relax her pelvic floor

muscles, and experience true pain free first time *. And when I

eventually told my family about it, and so I didn't tell them

initially, I told them many years later, I told my siblings that

initially before my parents, when I told them, and I remember I was

I was telling them because it was one of my younger sisters. She was

about to be married. And for some reason one of them asked me what

was your first time like? And I said to one of my siblings. I

couldn't have * on my wedding night. And they were shocked. They

were like what? Like, what do you mean, you couldn't have *? And I

was like it was

exactly.

I said, Look, it just couldn't happen. It was too painful. And I

went through this condition called vaginismus. And I explained it to

them. And they were surprised and actually they were shocked. They

were like, Why didn't you tell us we would have you know helped you

all

to Yeah, exactly.

Nothing just ending like everything is Yep, Everything's

fine. Everything's nice.

Your mom never asked you your aunties never asked. After the

fact how was it? Are you okay or anything? No, they didn't. Yeah,

no, they didn't. And I don't blame them for that my mom was raised.

You know, she grew up in Thailand. And you know, I suppose even in

Thailand, she wasn't raised Muslim, but she is now a handler.

Even in Thailand, I think it's a topic that you discuss, you know,

talking about *. And the same with my dad, he grew up in Egypt,

you know, he never talked to me about it at all. I'm gonna ask,

you

know, neither of my parents or family members, or anyone asked me

initially, I think they just assumed that it would all be fine.

They I think they just assumed that I was no longer a virgin. I

think that was the assumption that they made. But they didn't ask me

how it was.

But ya know, it handler. And so I think what the point I was trying

to make through sharing this whole story is that there is this there

is so much expectation on Muslim couples to do it on their first

night to have * for the first time on that night. And, of

course, you can, it's now halau, for you to have *, but only do

it only have it only, only engage in your first sexual experience

with your new spouse. If both of you are ready, mentally,

emotionally, spiritually, physically. And if one or both of

you are not work together, you're now in this marriage when our team

work together, to raise each other up to get to that same point where

you're both on the same page, because that is going to be a much

more pleasant, pleasurable, enjoyable, intimate experience.

When you do engage in it, it will be so much more worth it Insha

Allah, rather than going through the frustration and disappointment

of your first time because of the lack of education and the lack of

teamwork, it's bringing each other to the same page.