Naima B. Robert – We’ve Separated Sexuality From Spirituality
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of balancing sexuality and emotions during marriage, as it can lead to trauma responses and problems. They suggest finding a way to balance these emotions and avoid getting into a romantic relationship. The conversation also touches on the idea of "has he been married?" and the potential consequences of not meeting the expectations of a man.
AI: Summary ©
And then just as you said,
we know that it's a part of marriage, we know that in order to
have children, it's gotta go down. And we, and then the more we know
about it, the more our programming doesn't make sense, because as you
said, Allah subhanaw taala created us, He created us with the body
parts that we have, He created us to work like this, he created the
desire, he created the pleasure, not only did he create the whole
mechanism, but look at the way that it's spoken about in the
Hadith, for example, the fact that it's an act of a burden that you
actually get rewarded for its sadaqa, right? There's actually a
dua that you make before you enter your wife, like, what is this?
It's like, it doesn't make sense. But we're supposed to be pure and
religious. But we're supposed to enjoy *. Like how this doesn't
make sense. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you
mean. That's because we've we've separated sexuality from
spirituality.
We can't love God and love *, too.
But God created this thing, right? It's a it's a, it's a, you know,
one, one scholar, he says, it's a piece of paradise, the only piece
of paradise that you'll get on Earth. It's the only thing. It's
the only thing that is haram for you. And by doing a simple act of
obedience to Allah subhanaw taala entering into marriage, it becomes
halal, and it has blessings on top of it. But it's that cognitive
dissonance and it really comes from us not truly understanding
our theme.
You don't it's and this is in you said it right. There's an extreme
right, you either love it. You listen to the songs, you you know,
you watching the movies, your internet, where you're repelled by
it. But what is Islam, Islam is the middle path.
I don't I don't have to, I don't have to fully indulge in it. And I
don't have to be repelled by it. But it has its place. And it has
his time. Let me bring it let me bring it to the middle. Okay, I
don't like that song, talking about who whatever. But when I
think about my man, you know, this, this might be things that I
like to do, right, I don't have to be repelled by it. But this is not
something that I'm going to do publicly there's a Islam creates a
space for it. So and it's the middle path. And I think that's
what we forget. But I also understand where that comes from
it can be both of those responses can be trauma responses, you know,
the promiscuity, does promiscuity that we might see from people.
That's a trauma response, as is the repulsion.
But both are damaging. So we need to find a way to balance it. Well,
this is exactly exactly as you say, you know it, I want to say
unfortunately, but you know, it just is what it is, if you do want
to get married, you know, male or female.
It's a part of marriage. So it probably makes sense to figure
this out. And to kind of
to get onto the right page with it. Because I can only imagine
what we know already. Because you know, we speak to people and we
hear from people, but just how lonely it must be. To not
experience that connection with your spouse, you know, it's a loss
really it is it is a loss, which we really wish on anybody because
as as you say, you are halau for each other. So
Oh, Cliff and enjoy. That would be that's just it's such a huge
blessing of that union. I think it's just one of the best things.
It is. And it's so it's so deep that I sent on an Instagram live
once. Because, you know, we were talking about things to consider
before marriage. And a sister said, Well, there's a brother who
wants to marry me. He's very good. He's very kind. He's very pious,
but I'm not attracted to him. And I said to her sis, when you're
thinking about a man that you want to marry, you need to also pick
someone that you will want to have * with. And she said she was
offended by that. Oh, and I said, this is Oh, this is the problem.
This is an issue. Okay, people, you shouldn't you know, you
shouldn't marry a man, just for *. Of course you shouldn't. Of
course you shouldn't. But you also should not marry a man that you
are repulsed by. You should not marry a man that you don't want to
have * with. Because this is you're not entering into a
business arrangement. He's not becoming your teacher. He's not
the brother that you sit next to at the masjid. That's the brother
that you lay down with in your bed at night. It is okay. But that's
how deep it has gotten that you have young in this. This was a
young Muslim woman. You have young Muslims who are engaging in
marriage, and they're like, I can't even think about whether
this person fits my desirability requirements. Check this out. This
is this is what he's saying to me, right? Maybe that sister, too.
things maybe she has a type. So she's he's not her type. Well, you
definitely wasn't her type yet, but she's thinking, I can't get
that way with someone who's not my type. So maybe he's not the type.
But also, it could be that and I think from her response, it sounds
like she feels that that kind of genuine desire is a bad thing, and
isn't something that is in any way to be honored. So, you know, it's
almost like I shouldn't even be looking at him like that, you
know, but then hey, who knows?