Naima B. Robert – We’ve Separated Sexuality From Spirituality

And then just as you said,

we know that it's a part of marriage, we know that in order to

have children, it's gotta go down. And we, and then the more we know

about it, the more our programming doesn't make sense, because as you

said, Allah subhanaw taala created us, He created us with the body

parts that we have, He created us to work like this, he created the

desire, he created the pleasure, not only did he create the whole

mechanism, but look at the way that it's spoken about in the

Hadith, for example, the fact that it's an act of a burden that you

actually get rewarded for its sadaqa, right? There's actually a

dua that you make before you enter your wife, like, what is this?

It's like, it doesn't make sense. But we're supposed to be pure and

religious. But we're supposed to enjoy *. Like how this doesn't

make sense. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you

mean. That's because we've we've separated sexuality from

spirituality.

We can't love God and love *, too.

But God created this thing, right? It's a it's a, it's a, you know,

one, one scholar, he says, it's a piece of paradise, the only piece

of paradise that you'll get on Earth. It's the only thing. It's

the only thing that is haram for you. And by doing a simple act of

obedience to Allah subhanaw taala entering into marriage, it becomes

halal, and it has blessings on top of it. But it's that cognitive

dissonance and it really comes from us not truly understanding

our theme.

You don't it's and this is in you said it right. There's an extreme

right, you either love it. You listen to the songs, you you know,

you watching the movies, your internet, where you're repelled by

it. But what is Islam, Islam is the middle path.

I don't I don't have to, I don't have to fully indulge in it. And I

don't have to be repelled by it. But it has its place. And it has

his time. Let me bring it let me bring it to the middle. Okay, I

don't like that song, talking about who whatever. But when I

think about my man, you know, this, this might be things that I

like to do, right, I don't have to be repelled by it. But this is not

something that I'm going to do publicly there's a Islam creates a

space for it. So and it's the middle path. And I think that's

what we forget. But I also understand where that comes from

it can be both of those responses can be trauma responses, you know,

the promiscuity, does promiscuity that we might see from people.

That's a trauma response, as is the repulsion.

But both are damaging. So we need to find a way to balance it. Well,

this is exactly exactly as you say, you know it, I want to say

unfortunately, but you know, it just is what it is, if you do want

to get married, you know, male or female.

It's a part of marriage. So it probably makes sense to figure

this out. And to kind of

to get onto the right page with it. Because I can only imagine

what we know already. Because you know, we speak to people and we

hear from people, but just how lonely it must be. To not

experience that connection with your spouse, you know, it's a loss

really it is it is a loss, which we really wish on anybody because

as as you say, you are halau for each other. So

Oh, Cliff and enjoy. That would be that's just it's such a huge

blessing of that union. I think it's just one of the best things.

It is. And it's so it's so deep that I sent on an Instagram live

once. Because, you know, we were talking about things to consider

before marriage. And a sister said, Well, there's a brother who

wants to marry me. He's very good. He's very kind. He's very pious,

but I'm not attracted to him. And I said to her sis, when you're

thinking about a man that you want to marry, you need to also pick

someone that you will want to have * with. And she said she was

offended by that. Oh, and I said, this is Oh, this is the problem.

This is an issue. Okay, people, you shouldn't you know, you

shouldn't marry a man, just for *. Of course you shouldn't. Of

course you shouldn't. But you also should not marry a man that you

are repulsed by. You should not marry a man that you don't want to

have * with. Because this is you're not entering into a

business arrangement. He's not becoming your teacher. He's not

the brother that you sit next to at the masjid. That's the brother

that you lay down with in your bed at night. It is okay. But that's

how deep it has gotten that you have young in this. This was a

young Muslim woman. You have young Muslims who are engaging in

marriage, and they're like, I can't even think about whether

this person fits my desirability requirements. Check this out. This

is this is what he's saying to me, right? Maybe that sister, too.

things maybe she has a type. So she's he's not her type. Well, you

definitely wasn't her type yet, but she's thinking, I can't get

that way with someone who's not my type. So maybe he's not the type.

But also, it could be that and I think from her response, it sounds

like she feels that that kind of genuine desire is a bad thing, and

isn't something that is in any way to be honored. So, you know, it's

almost like I shouldn't even be looking at him like that, you

know, but then hey, who knows?