Naima B. Robert – Too Hard on Women Advice on Perspectives, Triggers and Accountability
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The conversation covers topics such as finding a partner, men and women, and the negative consequences of certain topics. They emphasize the importance of finding the right way to do things and finding the right way to do things. Speaker 1 also discusses the negative consequences of certain topics, such as "backlash" and "monestry", and the importance of avoiding "igrams to hurt people's feelings" and "will to cause problems". They stress the importance of not giving up on one's beliefs and encourage attendees to keep moving. Speaker 1 also discusses the negative consequences of certain topics and the potential negative consequences of "backlash" and "monestry" that can cause problems, as well as the importance of not giving up on one's beliefs and not settling for less. They also emphasize the importance of not giving up on one's beliefs and encourage attendees to keep moving. Speaker 1 discusses the negative consequences of certain topics and the importance of finding the right way to do things,
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah Salam Aleykum Selam one ecomo Salam Alaikum Salam aleykum
It is Thursday night and I decided to jump on here live because hey,
why not right? Al Hamdulillah welcome everyone whoever is
joining live, give us your Salam we'd love to know where you are
calling from where you are watching from Mashallah.
It's a Thursday night here in Cairo Masha Allah and I decided to
jump on live because I haven't been live in a while. And I want
to say a huge thank you to everybody who watched the video
with Rebecca Barrett
where we talked about womanhood, modern womanhood feminism, and
lots of other cool things. It was a great discussion Masha Allah
really really enjoyed it and it looks like you guys did too
because the video is doing really well. So I just want to say a big
thank you. Please do post your comments. I want to see more
comments. I like to see comments on the videos so please, please
Please post your comments and share the video. I think we want
more people to see these conversations, right Masha Allah
we've got sisters from the UK. We've got Illinois USA Russia Hola
ixalan Who else have we got in the house? Who else have we got in the
house? So yes, and sister Asha says I want to repeat of the
Rebecca conversation we are planning that I think the next one
will be on her channel but it will be before the end of the year
inshallah so look out for that to be the Allah right and so many he
is from Pakistan, masha Allah Nice to see you nice to see everyone
again Masha Allah Tabata kala. So I wanted to just jump on here
because I had a couple of conversations in the past two
weeks but before I start, before I start, let me make sure that
everyone knows about the conference that's coming up. Okay.
Remember last year remember secrets of successful wives.
Remember the awesome
that was that conference three day conference? Well, it is time for
us to go again. Masha Allah Allah was Louise in Sweden, masha Allah
Nice to see you hamdulillah Lovely to see you. Mashallah. So Oh My
Goodness me. Wow. Okay, we have to shout this out to to Masha Allah
Zakka, la Hainan brother Bilal for the 99.99 Super Chat. If I had an
air horn, it will be going off right now. That's definitely the
biggest super chat that I've ever had. So thank you so much,
brother. Much appreciated. Yes. And Rebecca. Yes, she should be
addressing the young girls. We all need to be having these
conversations, right? Because everybody is in some way impacted
by the media and all the messaging from the media, right? So
unfortunately, our Muslim girls are not exempt. So So much has
happened, guys, so much has happened, which I won't be able to
go it all into today. But let's start with the conference. Okay,
so I'm going to put the link in the chat for you to register and
grab your tickets so that you don't miss it out. Because
remember last year, remember how awesome it was? Mashallah,
remember the speakers that we had, since the high labor nanny system,
Madame Lemuel, we had so many amazing speakers and we touched on
so many important topics. Well, this year, the theme of the
conference is secrets of successful marriage.
All the stuff they don't tell you. Okay? So it's all the stuff they
don't talk about the all the stuff we don't talk about the things
that your parents never told you the things that the successfully
married people don't even talk about, right? They just keep it to
themselves. Well, we want to bring all of that to this channel
inshallah at the end of the year, so I've put
The link in the comments it will be it's in the description of the
video, go and register. It's free, register, sign up, share it with
all your family and friends who have we got whoever we got this
year, we have
let me start from the beginning. So I'm going to start with respect
to the scholars. Right. So I'm going to start with the scholars
and from the shoe that I know the scholars that I know we've got
proper OGS so we've got Sheikh Abdullah Hakim quick, you guys may
be familiar with him. I don't know how many decades he's been married
for mashallah wonderful brother has always been very supportive of
my work and the channel and the community. So Sheikh Abdullah
Hakim quick will be addressing us, also Dr. Mohamed salah, you may be
familiar with him with a TV Man channel. He's mashallah one of our
neighbors here in Egypt, and he's going to be speaking to us. I
wanted to dig deep with him from a scholarly perspective on the
Hadith about the woman is married for four things. So we're going to
have a conversation about that. Then we've got sister, Hallie
banana who's be speaking in Sharla. We've got sister Alia on
Rayyan for the first time on this channel, and you may notice that
earlier on raeanne Either from Honest Tea talks, which some of
you love and some of you are not sure about, okay, well whichever
way you you go at you need to come and hear her speak at this event
because mashallah, I've I've known her for a very long time we go way
back and I have
spoken with her many times. She has a really wonderful way of
delivering lectures and delivering information and she's going to be
sharing about how reverts can get married. So the tips and
strategies for reverts to find a spouse and to you know, to have
good marriages Mashallah. And you know that she is the head of the
founder of solace, and they now have a marriage service so it just
it fits beautifully Masha Allah, this her there's also a third the
dahlia Ayoub that some of you may know, and some of you may not
know, right. And I met her when I was invited to Australia to go and
speak there. And I have to say, I just I, my heart just, it just
warmed to her and her heart just warmed to me. We've never spoken
before. We've never done work together. But we sat together in
the the vehicle that was taking us around and from the first time we
sat together, we just opened up my Sharla we just opened up she was
so honest and open with me. I was so open and honest with her. And
she gave me some advice, guys. And I said this to her. I wrote it in
her book. I said, if Allah subhanaw taala blesses me with the
opportunity to give Dawa again, after I take this break.
The reward will be yours. You will share in that reward because she
said some things to me, I won't say them here. Maybe I'll share
them at another time. But she said some things to me that
really, they touched my heart, you know, and I really believe that
Allah subhanaw taala is you know, he sent her with a message for me.
Because when we were having these conversations, I was like I am so
done. I am so done. I just want to get away from social media. I want
to get offline I wanted to get away from everything. And Masha
Allah Allah sent her with some words of advice that just touched
my heart and so inshallah I you know, you guys know I'm taking a
break I'm coming offline.
If Allah subhanaw taala gives me the Tofig to come back. She's
gonna get the reward for that. So so she's coming she's speaking Who
else have we got goodness me You've got such a long list of
speakers as crazy. So let's talk about the people we've got that
you guys know from the channel Baba Ali is coming. Sister Amina
Jain O'Rourke, which you guys you know you love her right? On Tala
is coming mashallah she didn't speak at the last conference.
She's speaking at this one. You know how much we love her videos
right and her perspective would rather wear Illa Brahim is coming
back. Mashallah. We've got SR Hadiya, Ecuador. She's coming
back. We've got some new speakers as well, who you haven't met
before? That I've kind of, you know, made links with and then
they're coming in sha Allah. Who else? Bismillah we've got Imam,
Shabbir Hassan, he's going to be coming. Koechner there. I'm still
trying to pin him down, but inshallah he'll be there make dua.
Yeah. And like a whole list of people, some of you will know
them, some of you won't know them, but the contents of the
conference, literally the stuff that they don't talk about stuff,
no one tells you Yeah, the secret things that make marriages work
that make it easier to get married. And for those of you who
did not manage to attend my workshop, understanding your value
as a Muslim wife, you will be heard
But to know that I will be teaching that workshop in the
conference. So, but in the chat if you've already registered, because
I want to see if you've already registered, and if we can expect
to see you at the conference, of course, it's online, it's over
three days, literally from 10am until 11pm. We've got talks,
talks, talks, conversations, podcasts, interviews, panel
discussions, Q and A's, all the good things Mashallah. So it's
going to be a really packed three days, but you know, that we want
to spend, like, see the new year in together, right, we want to go
from 2022 to 23. Together, call us. That's why it's on. Okay. So
guys, if you're not sure, if you didn't know what your plans were,
for the 31st of December or the first of January, now, you know,
yes. So who's registered? Let's see, hmm. Let's see, Ma sha, Allah
hrs registered RAS registered, come on, guys, everybody, you need
to get in there, you need to go on the link and register and share
it, guys. Don't keep it to yourself. Don't be doing that.
Okay, so you must share the fear. Don't be selfish with it.
I love the light. Yes. And it's absolutely free. 100% free. And
it's just gonna be epic and Sharla. So, enough about that, I
want to just deal with, I want to share with you a message that I
got from a very dear friend of mines daughter. And I think it
deserves a conversation. That's what the title of this is about.
Okay, let me just bring it up for you.
Um,
and I think I will only be able to address this in detail in a proper
call, because I literally just jumped on here. And you know, I
wasn't really prepared. I just thought, you know, the children
have left, they've all got things that they're doing. So I was like,
You know what, let me just jump on here and connect with everyone.
Mashallah, I just registered. Nice. Thank you very much, make
sure you share it, guys, make sure you share. So
I had a very, very good friend of mine store to reach out to me. And
so she she said, some of the stuff that you've been saying online?
Like I have an issue with it, basically. So I was saying to her,
like, okay, so what is it that I've been saying that you don't
agree with, etc. And so she said, it seems as if you're trying to
get women to make better choices for themselves? Sorry, it doesn't
seem as if you're trying to get women to make better choices for
themselves, but rather that they should make choices that benefit
men, because men are the ones who are triggered when women reject
them because they aren't six foot or aren't earning a certain
amount, etc. Overall, the things you've been saying seem to be
bashing single older women and women in general. But maybe I've
missed the point you're making. Or maybe I'm just a triggered single
boss babe raising feminine kids. Okay, so
I wanted to address this because actually, the the genesis of this
conversation was where she sent me a tic tock where a man was saying
was in defense of women's of modern women online saying the
only reason why these men are criticizing, you know, modern
women and saying, Oh, you're gonna die alone, is because they are
salty, that they're not getting married, and they are the ones who
are scared of dying alone. So they're projecting their fears
onto women and telling women that they're going to die alone. Okay,
so that's where it started.
And Bismillah.
I wanted to clarify, in case it's necessary, that and I spoke to to
her mother today as well. And I said the same thing. And I said to
her that
anything that I have said, on this channel, or online, certainly over
the last kind of year and a half, has been informed by what I'm
seeing happening. Now, that in and of itself, is going to be biased.
Okay? It's going to be biased because I'm a person in a context.
And I see things from a certain perspective, like we all do,
that my bias is not towards men, or against women. My bias is
towards what I see as the correct way in terms of the deen
the best way or the correct way in terms of the deen.
That's my bias. Okay, so that will mean that at times, I may sound
like I'm bashing so and so. Or I'm criticizing or I'm being critical
of a particular behavior, a particular attitude. And I want it
to be clear that when we are having these conversations where
we're bringing up certain issues within the community
When we're bringing up certain things that we feel need remedying
or that we think need remedying or need brought to light, let's
remember that these are behaviors, okay? And it is okay to critique
behaviors, especially behaviors that are not in keeping with, you
know, our deen, right.
But very often we conflate the doer and the deed, right? So we,
you know, if we hear a criticism of a particular behavior, we take
it as a criticism of that person who is behaving in that way, like
that person is bad. But my, my intention has always been to shed
light on things that I see from my perspective as being problematic.
Now, my audience is women, majority of my audience is women.
So I'm going to be speaking more about women's things and towards
women, like I want to talk to my sisters.
I know that if you have come from a context where you feel that
know, the women are doing their best, right, and the thing is,
whenever we have these conversations about men and women,
we have to admit that we can't generalize, really, it's very
difficult to generalize, because not only are we all individuals,
but even within communities. Within generations, there are
differences and there are nuances, right? So anytime we try to have a
conversation that says, people do this, or men do this, women do
this, it's naturally going to be there are going to be
exceptions, and they're going to be times when it's like, no, that
doesn't make sense. That doesn't that's not true. And of course, we
can't speak for all circumstances. So anyway, long story short.
The types of things that we've been talking about over the past
year,
have been things that
really not many other people are talking about. So when we were at
the marriage conference, the one in in London last month, one of
the brothers said to me, you know, I'm I'm really, I'm really
surprised at what you're saying, and the kinds of things that
you're saying. And I was like, why he said, because that is the
normative Islamic position. But the community and society has
changed so much, that we the people of knowledge, and the Duat,
we dare not say those things, right? We cannot say those things.
Because we know that it's going to bring a backlash, it's going to
cause problems is going to meet, you know, hurt people's feelings
is going to make people feel bad, or we're afraid of pushing people
away from the Dean. Right? So it was almost like, you know, he was
really happy that, you know, at least a woman is saying this
stuff. Because now we as men, we don't have to take the heat, okay?
Because if we dare to say, you know, for example, you know, the
topic of motherhood, right? Or the topic of, you know, being patient
with your husband, and not kind of, you know, breaking up your
home or whatever, is that if we say stuff like that, it's canceled
city, right? But you can say that because you're a sister. So, long
story short, some of what I say
may trigger you.
If it hits a nerve, right? If it hits a raw nerve with you, you
will be triggered.
And that's okay.
Okay, it's okay to be triggered. Because it just means that there
is a kernel of truth in there that you are not comfortable with. Now.
Can people work on delivery? Could I work on delivery? Could any of
you work on delivery, for sure. But the truth remains, so if there
is a kernel of truth in there that is stinging a bit?
That's a sign to you to say, maybe this is an area of growth for me.
Maybe this is an area of evolution. For me. Maybe this is
an area that I need to lean into a little bit. Because it's exactly
like I see it exactly like when we talk about, you know, men who are
not financially responsible, right? If we do if we have the
same types of conversations where men are not capable of looking
after a family but they want to get married to, you know, we tell
them
our real Qalamoun Allah Nisa, it's your responsibility to find, you
know, to be able to support a family to work to support your
family. Now for a man who, for whatever reason, can't or won't do
that. That's upsetting. What do you mean, you're telling me I
can't have a war
I've just because I'm broke.
Yeah, kind of. And that's not nice. But that's the reality.
Right? So every time we've had these types of, I think men take
these things differently, and again, could be a generalization.
But from what I've noticed, men, they kind of take it on the chin,
they kind of like laugh about it, and they're kind of like her hand,
but you know, they take it on the chin. But us as women, we tend to
take things personally. And if something touches a raw nerve with
you, you, you absorb it into yourself, you make it about
yourself, right. And all I'm saying is, although that may be a
natural tendency, my invitation to you is to try to distance yourself
from the information. And just ask yourself, Is it true? Does she
have a point? Is this relevant to me in any way? Can I learn
anything from this? And if the answer is no, keep it pushing.
Keep it moving. Right? I've had people who will come to me, I
remember the conference I said, you know, for for those of us
who've been married, right, and we're late, early, later on in
life, and we don't have children, all that, you know, like, we've
talked about this on the channel before, to expect like a six foot
practicing brother who's a PhD and wealthy and is going to travel
with you every year, like that is an unrealistic expectation, okay,
and maybe you need to look at that. And a sister came up to me
from the audience later on, and she said, you know, that that kind
of unrealistic expectation that you described, that's me, that's
my life. That's what I'm living. And I said to her Sis, I know,
it's not like it can never happen. I had that too. But that's not the
norm. And it's not fair to tell people that that's the norm, or
that that's what they should be aiming for. And they shouldn't
settle for less. So these types of things, again, again, everyone is
free to believe whatever they want to believe, right? Because your
beliefs shape your reality. That's the truth, right? Your beliefs
shape your experience of this world.
All I'm saying is, if I have said anything that has hurt anyone, of
any, anyone who's listened to me, or anybody who's followed me or
anything like that, especially especially people who looked up to
me, and saw me as some kind of role model or an inspiration, and
have found that my ideas and the things I'm talking about now, make
them feel differently towards me.
All I would say is just an invitation to introspect. I could
be wrong
in your context, right? My advice could not be relevant to you at
all. And there will be people for whom my advice is not relevant.
And if that's if that's the case,
keep it moving. There will be people for sure, who are not, not
not like my advice, all the stuff I've been saying it is irrelevant
to them. And that's perfectly fine. But there are other people
who need to hear what I'm saying. We've got lots of them on this
channel, Mashallah. And I said that says sort of so many sisters,
it's actually shocking to me. How many sisters contacted me after I
emailed my list and told them that I won't be around next year? How
many contacted me back and said, Thank you. Those conversations
you've been having have saved my marriage this year, like this
year, this has been the best year in my marriage. They've saved my
marriage, they've saved me. I didn't realize how much toxicity I
was holding until I heard you say the things that you say. And so
if it's for you, then it's for you. And if it's not for you, then
feel free to just say, well, that's her opinion, or that may
apply to some people. But that's not my reality. And it's fine. You
know, literally, it's fine. But for me, as I said to my friend, I
pray, I pray that Allah subhanaw taala guides me and all of us, but
me because I've got the platform, right? That He guides me to speak
the truth in the best way.
If I'm not speaking the truth,
then let me shut my mouth. Right? And if I am speaking the truth,
but in a way that is pushing people away from the truth, then
may he rectify me. But allow me to speak the truth in the best way.
Right. And as long as I'm doing that,
I really don't care what anyone says. It's not my concern. Right?
That's
It's not my responsibility not it's not my concern. It's not my
responsibility. Yeah.
And it's not anyone's responsibility really,
as long as you're speaking the truth in the best way, it's not
your responsibility how people take it, because people will take
what you say. And they will filter it through their own experience
and their own lens and kind of what they have lived and what they
know and what they believe. That's the filter, right? For some
people, the filter lets your ideas through in a way that is positive.
For some people, when they filter what you're saying, it's going to
come and have a negative response. So it's a it's a call to
introspection, it's an invitation to kind of look deeper and say,
What is going on here and try to as much as we can, my dear
sisters, my dear women, try to separate your emotions, you know,
when brother Nasser was on the channel, and we used to talk about
the thinking, feeling connection. And we used to talk about, you
know, regulating our emotions. It's important. It's important
because our emotions, if we just let our emotions just go like
that, we're going to be getting triggered by a lot of things. And
some of those things are beneficials, or even necessary for
us to hear. But because we're in this emotional state, we can't
hear them. And I wouldn't want us to be in there. And Sharla Yes,
thank you. Just offering an opinion and general advice, people
should be able to translate that to their own situations. Exactly.
And on that note, guys, I'm gonna let you go. Have a fantastic
night. Thank you so much for those who attended live or the put the
Rio if you're here live, you have to put two Live Crew in the chat.
And if you're watching on the replay, then please, please,
please put replay gang in the comments. And I'll be there to
like your comment, and we'd love to hear your thoughts on it. And
Sharla let me know if we're gonna be seeing you at the
if we'll be seeing you at the conference, and yet in sha Allah,
any issues that you would like us to address in the conference, put
them in the chat in the chat in the comments. And I will see you
later on in the week in sha Allah Okay, guys, and those of you who
want to write a children's book, come over to my Instagram, pop
onto the five day children's book challenge. We're going to have
loads of fun next week. Insha Allah have a lovely evening guys
and a great weekend was salam. Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh