Naima B. Robert – TMC Ep. 2 Prepare for a Successful Muslim Marriage the Premarital Masterclass

marriages just failing. And people just if some don't end up getting

a divorce, but they suffer in their homes, and also, it's toxic.

And then you picture the domino effect with other children. And

the cycle just keeps repeating itself, we just keep recycling

garbage. And so we tried to analyze when we looked at the root

cause of a lot of the cases we've dealt with when counseling

couples, we realize so much could have been prevented if they had

gotten through or gone through a real murder of people at all

costs.

Subhanallah So, I know that you have an online course, which is

preparing for marriage course. Is it for women only or for men and

women?

Yes, I Alhamdulillah finally came up with my labor of love took me

about two years. With the support of Sir aids, I was able to come up

with a 72 video premarital masterclass. And this is our deep

concern at the rate of divorce, and also the rate of marriages

just failing. And people just eat, some don't end up getting a

divorce, but they suffer in their homes. And also, it's toxic. And

when you picture the domino effect with all the children, and the

cycle just keeps repeating itself, we just keep recycling garbage.

And so we tried to analyze when we looked at the root cause of a lot

of the cases we've dealt with when counseling couples, we realize so

much could have been prevented if they had gotten through or gone

through a real therapy at all costs.

Unfortunately, in the Muslim community, it's not

institutionalized. It's not powerful. In some countries, it is

uncommitted in some countries, but we haven't caught on across the

Muslim world. So for me, I just felt you know what knowing

technology now gives us the luxury of turning our phones into our

classroom and connecting with the entire world. With our fingertips.

I thought let me come up with an online masterclass that gives

people the opportunity to hear the truth, The Good, the Bad, and the

ugly truth about marriage. Yes, it is for both men and women and what

tools they need to have all the skills they need to learn before

they get married. So that at least by the time they go in, they have

what it takes to hopefully navigate the obstacles, but most

importantly, make their marriages thrive. How is they get to where

we are in 30 years, and much much faster. Yes, exactly.

Without six years of battling back and forth. Yes, it is for men and

women Alhamdulillah. We have a huge number of participants

already Alhamdulillah I've been blessed that premarital course has

been endorsed by a lot of world renowned scholars. This is my

fourth demain Imam Omar Suleiman, the Sultan here in Nigeria has

assaulted the Muslim, the Muslim leader in Nigeria and a lot of

Islamic organizations even around the world. So Alhamdulillah I feel

very blessed. And I'm truly honored and humbled that so many

believe this is something that will hopefully change the

narrative. It's a 72 video online course.

This beat things it's def definitely and I think we will,

you know have definitely have more conversations about that in sha

Allah. But I am curious, do you believe that someone can be wife

material or husband material and if so, what makes you wife

material or husband material?

I would say

introspection,

acknowledging one's vulnerability, one imperfection.

Recognizing that if you're that way, you are on a constant journey

of self improvement

that humbles you to make you more understanding, more compassionate

and more forgiving of your spouse. But once you recognize you will be

on that journey of self discovery maybe until you die. And you are

ready to accept responsibility for those mistakes you make and you're

not too quick to judge others, you're more willing to give them

the benefit of the doubt.

Once you've embraced that philosophy,

I think it makes you ready but then to also understand your deen

and understand the rights and responsibilities of husbands and

wives. And to me

Embrace that concept of growing together, that we will work

together, we will fix our mistakes together, we know we will

command each other, when we do something good, we will encourage

one another, we will support one another, as an individual, whether

male or female, you start thinking like that, then Insha Allah,

there's every likelihood you will attract the right kind of person

to be your wife, but it's starting with itself. And you just go into

this journey of self discovery, trying to be the better to aspire

to become better everyday the competition is, am I better today

than I was yesterday, and I'm working to be better tomorrow than

I am today in sha Allah, once you adopt that philosophy of always

wanting to improve, then inshallah Yeah, I think wife or husband

material is someone who is self aware, who truly gets the effects

of like, so it said at the very beginning, that his childhood

experiences, he nearly became very aware of that and the impact it

had in his life, how it affected him and how much he wanted to make

sure that he doesn't recycle history. So becoming very self

aware is really critical. So awareness also helped you know,

your, your strengths and your weaknesses. And you then have to

your, your husband or wife material when you are consciously

fighting them, fighting your demons, and also dealing with your

excess baggage, because that is another example. So it gave before

we got married, he said, I still have some things that I want to

deal with, which is part of many reasons why I don't think we

should have kids immediately. And that was the anger that he had, he

had a hot temper. But he normally it's more like a pressure cooker,

you gotta push into the wall, then he explodes. And it's really

nasty. And I just didn't see people like that growing up. Like

I said, My childhood was really beautiful. I never saw explosive

in at home, I was the one always looking for trouble of my brother

provoking him. And everybody's trouble. Everybody's here. But we

never fought. We never had insults, we didn't have any form

of things that would cause trauma. It was such a beautiful

experience. Beauty, my childhood is filled with picnics, singing in

the rain and dancing in the rain, holidays, family holidays

together. And my mother may be cooking or frying an omelet for

supper, and my dad is standing there chatting with her or singing

and we're just dancing. So I have beautiful memories. But a lot of

people don't realize the impact of what they witnessed or what they

experienced, and how it will manifest itself in their

relationship with their spouse or their children. So your wife or

husband material, when you've recognized, you may not be able to

shed all that load, but you need to know it and residents

and not working on it and make sure the person you're courting is

aware of your experiences. So then they know what they're getting

into. Because in my course I talk about no surprises don't bring

something up later on that's gonna make this person regret. I know

someone who it was right after they got married that she revealed

she was raped. And the guidance lost total interest in her didn't

want to touch her because he felt deceived. She never felt really

really, but there was a huge violation of trust because it's

like he never saw that coming. So these are the kinds of things like

I said, Yes, we may have unpleasant experiences, but we

need to recognize them and really respect them, but make sure we

also don't hide them.