Naima B. Robert – TMC E5 Clip Advice for When Muslim Couples Grow Apart WATCH THIS

panela there's a lot of emphasis on, you know, sitting together

being together. And I don't mean just two bodies on the phone.

That's not togetherness. You're physically in the one space, but

you're emotionally mentally, you're in two different worlds.

That's not togetherness.

This is okay, there's I want to jump in, I want to jump in because

this is really important. And why I'm jumping in is because the

trend in this context is women getting to the stage. And feeling

like, this is not what I want for the rest of my life.

We love each other. But we're not in love. Or I love him like a

friend. were roommates.

Maybe the children are growing, maybe they've grown. And I'm

saying this based on so many sisters getting in touch. And even

there's been some some shows about it actually some some some YouTube

series where they've discussed this phenomenon of couples, just

apparently couples, but I suspect it's mainly the women because the

women are the ones in general with the higher expectations of the

relationship, right? I think most men, if they're comfortable,

they'll stay. It doesn't have to be five stars. It doesn't have to

be amazing. It doesn't have to be exciting. It doesn't have to be

something new, as long as they're there. Okay, they will pretty much

stay. And I don't know whether you've seen this, but this is. And

it's sometimes been surprising, because it's like, well, how can

you be happy with this? This is where the woman is saying, Well,

we know we hardly do this, we don't do that anymore. You know,

we're not this anymore. We're not that anymore. Like, aren't you

unhappy, as unhappy as I am? And he's like, I'm fine. You know,

like, we're okay. Anyway, the context of this is a conversation

that was had about divorce in the Muslim community, and not

necessarily divorced based on like, toxic relationships or like

bad things happening. But couples just growing apart, or the woman

feeling she's outgrown the husband, or she's outgrown that

marriage. And that's happening a lot in the Muslim community now in

this generation, where I have women messaging me saying, you

know, my husband is, he's a good man. But I feel I've outgrown him,

you know, I'm doing this. Now I'm doing that. Now. I'm doing this,

I'm doing that. And he doesn't want to do those things with me.

And he doesn't have a growth mindset. So I feel like I can't

grow with him anymore. I feel stifled and all of this stuff. I

don't know, maybe you haven't seen it in your practice, but it's

definitely something that's happening in our generation. So do

you have any thoughts on that? You know, it's, it's, you know,

interesting, you're saying that because there is a change in

mindset with regards to marriage, and I have seen the attitude of,

you know, well, I don't love him anymore, or I'm not on the same

page. We're doing things together. I hear what you're saying. But

what I'm trying to say is that your journey, and your aspiration

doesn't have to be shared by your husband. It's an important point

to make sense. Yes, an important point, you need to say that the

thing is,

you are an individual, you have your own hopes, you have your own

dreams. You don't just separate that from your relationship, your

parenting, you see, when we look at ourselves, we need to look at

different areas of our life, you know, our professional or personal

our relationship, our community, and then our spiritual where we

are with Allah azza wa jal, you know where we are with our say,

self care. So the different areas, the thing is yet, we have this

idealistic idea that we want everything to kind of be together,

it's not sometime your children won't be in the same page with

regards to your new tissues, ideal.

Sometime, sometimes, you know, your extended families will not

share the same, like taste in makeup or your dress code. It's

okay. You might like certain things more flamboyant than

others. That's fine. That's your taste. That's your passion. No one

has to share your passion. You know, it's fine. The thing is when

people say that we are growing apart,

here's the thing, any relationship you will fall apart if you don't

make that conscious effort of being together, if you're not

sleeping together, if you're not eating together, if you're not,

you know, going out together, if you're not converse, having

conversation together, of course, you're gonna fall apart. Of

course, you know, the thing is, relationship intimacy does

isn't happening, like, you know, invoice in a vacuum.

You have to make time, effort and conscious commitment that you're

gonna spend time you're gonna eat together, you're gonna go out

together, and that togetherness brings the heart together. That's

why Subhanallah there's a lot of emphasis on, you know, sitting

together being together and I don't mean just two bodies on the

phone. That's not togetherness. You're physically in the one space

but you're emotionally mentally you're in two different worlds.

That's not togetherness.