Naima B. Robert – TMC E5 Clip Advice for When Muslim Couples Grow Apart WATCH THIS
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the trend of couples getting together and finding it difficult to stay together. They also talk about the shift in the mental state of women and how women are now finding it difficult to stay together. The speaker emphasizes that relationships are not about who is the
the most important person in one's life, but rather what is the most important thing in one's life.
the most important person in one's life, but rather what is the most important thing in one's life.
AI: Summary ©
panela there's a lot of emphasis on, you know, sitting together
being together. And I don't mean just two bodies on the phone.
That's not togetherness. You're physically in the one space, but
you're emotionally mentally, you're in two different worlds.
That's not togetherness.
This is okay, there's I want to jump in, I want to jump in because
this is really important. And why I'm jumping in is because the
trend in this context is women getting to the stage. And feeling
like, this is not what I want for the rest of my life.
We love each other. But we're not in love. Or I love him like a
friend. were roommates.
Maybe the children are growing, maybe they've grown. And I'm
saying this based on so many sisters getting in touch. And even
there's been some some shows about it actually some some some YouTube
series where they've discussed this phenomenon of couples, just
apparently couples, but I suspect it's mainly the women because the
women are the ones in general with the higher expectations of the
relationship, right? I think most men, if they're comfortable,
they'll stay. It doesn't have to be five stars. It doesn't have to
be amazing. It doesn't have to be exciting. It doesn't have to be
something new, as long as they're there. Okay, they will pretty much
stay. And I don't know whether you've seen this, but this is. And
it's sometimes been surprising, because it's like, well, how can
you be happy with this? This is where the woman is saying, Well,
we know we hardly do this, we don't do that anymore. You know,
we're not this anymore. We're not that anymore. Like, aren't you
unhappy, as unhappy as I am? And he's like, I'm fine. You know,
like, we're okay. Anyway, the context of this is a conversation
that was had about divorce in the Muslim community, and not
necessarily divorced based on like, toxic relationships or like
bad things happening. But couples just growing apart, or the woman
feeling she's outgrown the husband, or she's outgrown that
marriage. And that's happening a lot in the Muslim community now in
this generation, where I have women messaging me saying, you
know, my husband is, he's a good man. But I feel I've outgrown him,
you know, I'm doing this. Now I'm doing that. Now. I'm doing this,
I'm doing that. And he doesn't want to do those things with me.
And he doesn't have a growth mindset. So I feel like I can't
grow with him anymore. I feel stifled and all of this stuff. I
don't know, maybe you haven't seen it in your practice, but it's
definitely something that's happening in our generation. So do
you have any thoughts on that? You know, it's, it's, you know,
interesting, you're saying that because there is a change in
mindset with regards to marriage, and I have seen the attitude of,
you know, well, I don't love him anymore, or I'm not on the same
page. We're doing things together. I hear what you're saying. But
what I'm trying to say is that your journey, and your aspiration
doesn't have to be shared by your husband. It's an important point
to make sense. Yes, an important point, you need to say that the
thing is,
you are an individual, you have your own hopes, you have your own
dreams. You don't just separate that from your relationship, your
parenting, you see, when we look at ourselves, we need to look at
different areas of our life, you know, our professional or personal
our relationship, our community, and then our spiritual where we
are with Allah azza wa jal, you know where we are with our say,
self care. So the different areas, the thing is yet, we have this
idealistic idea that we want everything to kind of be together,
it's not sometime your children won't be in the same page with
regards to your new tissues, ideal.
Sometime, sometimes, you know, your extended families will not
share the same, like taste in makeup or your dress code. It's
okay. You might like certain things more flamboyant than
others. That's fine. That's your taste. That's your passion. No one
has to share your passion. You know, it's fine. The thing is when
people say that we are growing apart,
here's the thing, any relationship you will fall apart if you don't
make that conscious effort of being together, if you're not
sleeping together, if you're not eating together, if you're not,
you know, going out together, if you're not converse, having
conversation together, of course, you're gonna fall apart. Of
course, you know, the thing is, relationship intimacy does
isn't happening, like, you know, invoice in a vacuum.
You have to make time, effort and conscious commitment that you're
gonna spend time you're gonna eat together, you're gonna go out
together, and that togetherness brings the heart together. That's
why Subhanallah there's a lot of emphasis on, you know, sitting
together being together and I don't mean just two bodies on the
phone. That's not togetherness. You're physically in the one space
but you're emotionally mentally you're in two different worlds.
That's not togetherness.