Naima B. Robert – TMC E4 Clip What Are the Benefits of Polygyny The First Wife Perspective

hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah I one of the things that just I mean,

obviously it's it's

it's

it's a different take on it, I think because very often, when

polygyny is spoken about, you know, in our kind of modern day

Muslim culture, it's horror stories, right? It's horror

stories. It's I've from where I'm sitting, a lot of shaming of men

and shaming of women who don't mind being a second, third, fourth

wife. You know, there's a lot of emphasis on the negatives is also

a lot of emphasis on the pain of the first wife, I think, and I

think the experience of the first wife has kind of given precedence

in the culture in the in the narrative. So I'd love to speak to

that sis in Sharla, if you could share with us

not to say, because I know that we've talked before, and I will

share the footage, actually, and I'll link it in the description.

When you talked about your own journey, coming to terms with you

know, with the this new dynamic.

I know that it's not all sunshine and roses. But I'd love it if you

you know, as the as the original wife you've been married for at

the time, 15 years, was it? What would you say have been the

benefits of polygyny for you? For me, let me see, it allowed me to

to understand the potential of who Cocina Vir could become and who I

can. Wow, I had to understand that he wasn't the ninth grade 14 year

old

way back in the day, and yet to evolve and I was a part of his

timeline is a part of my timeline. And I didn't get a say in who else

was going to be on a timeline. So I end up seeing girls through

polygyny. And that means becoming closer with a lot. So polygyny

about me to I was focused on a love and not enough. And I had to

learn through polygyny that I need to grow. And I needed him to be

removed to a certain degree so that I can do that. So and then he

needed to do that. Not only needed to do that, and she'll speak on

that herself. And I always say that the beauty about the three of

us is that we have the ability to tell our own experience. That's

the power of OPR is that there's three of us. Oh no, there's gonna

be rollovers are

limited in my mind, you know, I'm not it was just me and him but I

wasn't a full week

is gonna want to practice all areas of Islam. I said, Well, why

would he come along.

And I just want to practice these things. And it just leave that to

the side that to me is a fool's errand to think that. So for me,

it's about time for me to be there for my daughters who were growing

and developing. And they needed to have more deeper conversations

with me as I have four daughters, and we're going to start that's a

lot of girls. But I learned that I needed to become more available so

that they can be elevated within those two because it was not easy

for not just the three of us but the children.

So educate them and refocus my energy Oh my lord matter because

if I didn't do that enough, then I was gonna lose my way and this

would never came to pass was always about evolution. It was all

about empowerment. It was all about having enough time to

reconnect with a lot. It's part of our test. This was always going to

be I don't think it's something that was man made and manufactured

but Allah always knew so this was always going to be this way. So to

swim in the river denial was not

so beneficial in that way. Where we focused me and my children.

Wow, that's

really really deep. Just I could love him for that and like lots of

food for thought because I think the majority of viewers if they're

married, they probably will be the only wife or the first wife. May I

ask, did your feelings towards him change? Because I know a lot of

sisters feel like if my husband did that x y Zed. What was your

experience? Come on z

this is a British based podcast

my feelings changed in that I was afraid for him. I was afraid for

him because I was concerned whether or not he'd be able to do

it long term. And then with that Me too

I can't you know I didn't take it

I had to understand that we all had a responsibility to the

success of polygyny, including me. Not it wasn't my job to destroy

it, or try to destroy it because it was going to stand on its own.

But I didn't want to create chaos in my own life. So I understand

that things are going to change for him, which means things are

gonna change for us, all, all of us, everyone that was involved in

knowing that this world did not support him. That scared me,

because I'm like, Who's he gonna go to? If there's an issue if he

needs guidance, because the leadership clearly is not being

that? So I was concerned about his journey, and would they be able to

uplift him and help our family? And I didn't have much confidence

in that. So I think if we were in a situation or in a country that

embraced him, in order to help him in order to help our leadership,

our family's leadership, our families, ma'am, then I would have

been like, okay, cool, I get it. I don't like it.

Standards respected. So you don't always have to like everything,

but you must respect it. Especially when you're Muslim,

especially in Islam. I see so many Muslims being so disrespectful and

divisive when it comes to polygyny and makes their pain because they

make it about the three of us and what culture and idea did and all

this stuff. So I said Oh, keep saying what he did say he got

married again. It's because when you start saying what someone did,

then you put a negative connotation to it. I like that. So

that was my thing. I was You're disrespecting a lot. And you're

disrespecting the Sunnah, that I saw less like a slap in that we

angered me, but I was I was mostly just concerned about leadership.

And I'm like, What is he doing? Because you don't have

that I thought was was someone that qualified so

much. Does that complicate and so I'm assuming you remained friends.

Alhamdulillah