Naima B. Robert – TMC E4 Clip Things that Muslim Families Need To Remember About Polygamy

So, two things to keep in mind is one is to have the conversation.

Be open enough to discuss it, have the conversation, be open up to

receive the conversation. And also that brothers know they say, Okay,

have a conversation. Well, how do I start it? I'm gonna do it. Let's

blame it on us.

Party is third. You had it, guys. Okay? You had coaching of the

year. If you want to have a conversation about polygyny,

you're not sure how to broach it with the wife. Just blame coaching

her there and coaching. I love I love it.

Okay, so for families who are currently

thinking about growing the family, you know, marrying again, for

people who are in polygynous marriages right now, what would

you say as a collective are some things to remember whether from

whoever's point of view, whether it's the man who's contemplating

it, whether it's the wife, who is seeing her husband, or having a

conversation with her husband about this? Or the other woman who

is you know, considering entering that family, or families who are

you know, already in that situation? What are some things

that they should remember things to bear in mind? Well, here's the

thing, one of the reasons we formed, it started out outstanding

personal relationships.com. And our YouTube channel is to provide

those resources that we didn't have, you know, when we look to

our spiritual leaders, whether it be the Imams and everything else,

they can tell us the fit of marriage, they can tell us that do

do this, do that type stuff. But what must be there? Well, let's

not, let's say, when it comes to the emotional maturation, they

don't get that we get some basic hygiene, which do have wisdom, but

you have to seek it out yourself. It's not something that's okay. So

one of the things is to understand that there are many different

dynamics. So that's why I like it first goes to our YouTube channel,

you'll see well over 100 videos, coming from many different things

that you're not really gonna find on YouTube that as the use of our

video,

you will come across have never seen it never heard it talked

about just on a different level. So one, understand that there are

many different dynamics to also understand that the man is the one

who is listening.

Okay, the one question, I'm wives don't practice religion, yet. We

are part of a polygynous dynamic, but I'm the one who actually

practices. So the wisdom they'll tell you shortly what's a mind

what some of their investors already know. But as a man, a

couple of different things. One is that right now, a lot of the

things you'll hear Assad is so woman female centric, that show

masculinity is not toxic.

Or being assertive or being aggressive when Tata needs to be

it's like, we want you to just simply be a woman with peace.

That's not all we are. Men are differently women.

And a normal man with 10 times the testosterone level of women is a

normal man. As normal, we have to understand what's real. So two

things to keep in mind is one is to have the conversation. Be open

enough to discuss it, have the conversation, be open up to

receive the conversation. And also the brothers know because they say

okay, after conversation. Well how do I start it? I'm gonna do it.

Let's blame it on us.

Party is third. You had it guys. Okay, you had coaching of the

year. If you want to have a conversation about polygyny,

you're not sure how to broach it with the wife just blame coaching

her there and coaching Island.

This is real simple. Here's the line. Scrolling on YouTube script.

This covers polygyny. Once you think about how to watch,

you sit back and go oh

well, we coach

you have like an onboarding playlist,

to the videos to watch to have the conversation. He's not even home,

he might be in traffic, this fire one off and he's like, You talking

about your life and

you gotta open up the conversation, right?

You'll take it, it's okay. That's, that's That's your job.

Okay, so I'll hold on. I just want to just dig a little bit deeper

here because

I hear you on the kind of the female centric, current dynamic.

And again, I think that the you know, the conversation in the

public space amongst Muslims is very first wife centric, actually,

very emotional and first wife centric. There's a narrative about

polygyny that centers on the first wives experience

And I know that

from hearing men speak, it's almost as if there isn't clear

conversation and honest conversation about polygyny in

terms of the benefits and the well, I don't know, what's the

opposite of a benefit? I guess the costs the benefits and costs.

Okay, so you know what it will take from you. And also what you

will gain from it. Right. So there's, you know, the the

narrative about Yeah, yeah, yeah, get another one, bro. Yeah, in it.

Yeah. It's kind of like locker room type.

It's kind of like locker room type of joshing type of, you know, like

bigging you up. Yeah, yeah, the big man, big man. But sometimes

the conversation isn't actually a very honest conversation about,

dude, this is actually going to take x, y, and Zed from you as the

man. You think that there is that lack of kind of honest. Look, let

me let me lay it all out for you. Do you think that's happening? Or

is it just kind of what I'm seeing? Well, here's the thing,

though. So we're talking about polygyny, as though as some type

of weird thing, polygamy is simply a form of marriage. So if you're

talking to someone who's single, never marry clearly that

there will be some changes here, right? There will be some

expectations, there can be some adjustments, there will be some

growth needed. And by the way, most of them fail.

Right? So are we saying, Hey, are we having that same conversation?

Women? Are men also leading the way? Oh, they say, okay, cool. Go

ahead, get hitched, do you think figure it out through trial and

error, man, because that's all that's really left with religion.

So it shouldn't be restricted to polygyny. The challenge is this.

If you're not only talking about marriage, you're trying to win and

be good at marriage anyway, and we're not unhappy with the first

marriage. Yeah.

That's alright, because you're good at that. And you're gonna

recognize it, man, who is open to you should you want to practice

religion? Yeah, it's funny because women are like, Okay, this except

for that, that I'm gonna roll the dice over here with this, you

know,

but are men letting it note? Well, first of all the the most

successful polygynous marriages that we are aware of keep things

quiet. And they keep it quiet and want to be

outside pressure. They don't need to open a door for a time to come

in. We know that. Okay, cool. We're good. We had a safe space,

we're good enough families want to go. We you know, overcome a lot of

things had a lot of growth. Do we go ahead and put out information

that can help people kind of reverse engineer what we did with

outstanding person relationships? And do that? Or do we just succeed

quietly do our thing like both accessibility and scope?

To weigh the options? Okay, well, this will be beneficial knowledge

that weighs heavy force on your

right. And so in the property centrosome I'm also said that the

best people are those who help the mostly.

I'm like, You know what, we can actually do something right now

with technology that our ancestors never have the ability to be true.

We can be around for our great great, great, great grandchildren

to see where they came from live as a few gray hairs they come in,

but they still see me decades, centuries. So after I'm gone,

however, they may be in a better person, or whatever. I don't know.

I don't have that option. I don't even know my great, great, great

grandfather.

So we had to weigh those and we came to a decision. Let's write

this book, just for him his company. Let's help more people

out. Let's give in you know what law Hi, Roz. Lots I will take

all the conversations being had rarely are our Imams discussing

it. Not much. And if St. John's number one needs to break up the

family, what about the person that stands in the way of uniting

dependents? That can somehow related to the same end goal at

the same time as because our people, our leaders, it's Oh, no,

it's against the law here. Or I might practice it, but I'm not

gonna do it for somebody else, not the masjid or they put up these

barriers or something. Team allows it marriage is half of your deen.

That doesn't mean monogamy just have to do it needs marriage. And

In Islam there two forms. And we should be teaching this

politically. Just as we teach it out here woman I call it marriage.

The problem is that we don't have the resources. So we chose to

become that resource. We have to invest a lot in ourselves to get

to that point. But the problem is I got a bone to pick y'all got a

bone to pick with those who are the leaders and community leaders

community which you you also finance have to do. And people are

complaining women in particular first wives in general. Well, I

you know, please okay, but I support it when it's done right.

You don't say I support marriage when it's done right.

She doesn't ask me she said you know, you want some eat causes

Cook, right?

If we have a problem, what if we don't know where to go to learn

how to do that?

Right How to increase our emotional intelligence, our

financial IQ, and be able to communicate more effectively, that

we're at a loss. So no other conversations are not being had.

That's one of the reasons we're out. And that's the reason we also

talk more about polygyny than just traditional marriages. We talk

about monogamy in baseball. But the reason is polygyny has it

doesn't get his fair airplay.