Naima B. Robert – TMC E3 Clip Imam Shares His Thoughts on What Makes A Happy Muslim Marriage

So if you attach your happiness to one single finger, one single

person, then you are going to be left extremely unhappy,

unsatisfied, and the list goes on. Right. And the Islamic perspective

on this is because we are supposed to attach our hearts to the

Eternal One, the divine one, right. And if we attach our, our,

our hearts to the eternal, Allah, then we can never be disappointed.

We can never be left unsatisfied, right.

Sharla Yeah, exactly. Right. And, and even even, right phrases like,

you know, understanding what is a happy marriage? And, you know,

Talk That Talk That Talk, what are your thoughts on that? It's okay,

it's a safe space.

To be honest about this, what is the marriage anyway? Yeah, so I

mean, you know, just, I mean, putting marriage aside for a

second, just understanding happiness, like, you know, that.

So I remember one, one of my teachers mentioned once that,

to us, a lot of it has mentioned this, and it's something that I've

just for many years I've just held on to,

and it's helped me in, in every relationship, right, which is

that, you know, if you attach your happiness to one single thing, or

one single person, then you are going to be extremely

disappointed, slash unhappy. Wow. Right. Because you say that again,

then another, let's say that again, for those in the back,

because that is gold that is called please, please say that

again. So if you attach your happiness to one single thing, or

one single person, then you are going to be left extremely

unhappy, unsatisfied, and the list goes on, right. And the Islamic

perspective on this is because we are supposed to attach our hearts

to the Eternal One, the divine one, right. And if we attach our,

our, our hearts, to the eternal, Allah, then we can never be

disappointed. And we can never be left unsatisfied, right? Because

that is what we need to fill any gaps that we have in our lives.

Now, I know that

you know, I could say that all day long, and we like it, but it's not

easy. And I am, I do love this person. And that's just fine. You

know, you want to love that person, you have love for them,

you have a level of closeness to them a relationship and attachment

you miss them if they're not at 100 us, and those are all

perfectly normal, natural emotions to feel Islam is not against that.

Right. It didn't come to to stop your emotions, etc, etc. But what

we're saying is, if you're like, you know, what, and this is,

again, the Hollywood spective, right, that I would die without

this person. Right, you know, that kind of thing? Yeah, I mean,

that's really unhealthy to think about, like, yeah, I missed this

person, whatever, that's fine. But to be like, You know what, that's

it if, if this ends, my life is over, finished, right? Because

you've attached everything. Yeah, you keep using the word

attachment. And that's when it keeps making me think of a

negative and unhealthy attachment. Yeah, I think also within our

cultures even there is this idea that you know, if you really loved

him, or if you really loved her, you couldn't live without him. You

couldn't live without her. You know, and again, one of one of the

things that I know we're going to talk about so much more on this

show is really the brainwashing I'm sorry. The brainwashing that

we have, especially our generation has had as Muslims and of course

they've been having for a bit longer but as Muslims I think

probably my I'm Gen X Gen X Millennials with we are the ones

in the source, you know, who've kind of been brought up on the

Disney fairy tales, you know, on all the teenage romances, you

know, all the all the all the stuff right? So I really

appreciate and I felt that in my heart that

distance and it's not a bad detachment or towards a healthy

detachment from the outcome in a way because you loving a person

and you missing them when they're not there. And then you you know,

you're having so much respect and regard for them. Yeah, it's one

thing and like you said, Hamdulillah that Allah put about

the ability for us to do that in our hearts, right. I lost my

talent gave us the capability to do that. And it's okay just do

that. But don't expect

a particular outcome as a result as in if I love this person this

much, they will never leave, you know, they will be by my side

always and kind of like you said, this unhealthy attachment. And if

they say this, or they do that, I can't be happy, I can't, you know,

I can't, you know, carry on I, you know, I can't function I can't

focus. Because like you said, it's almost like you're giving the keys

to your happiness to somebody else. And you're saying, you

better make sure you do right with these, because I want to be happy.

That's the agreement here. I don't know. SubhanAllah. Interesting to

do.

You're literally playing with fire. Right? So it's so dangerous

to put yourself in that position. And I think that's why there has

to be a balance like you said, nothing wrong with you know, the

prophesy, salam, many years, many years after his, his wife, Khadija

Lebanon had passed away, he would mention her, remember her, honor

her relatives, right? You know, like that kind of thing. So,

nothing wrong with missing someone. Right? Nothing wrong with

that. But it's, it's about how you how you approach it, but because

the process, it didn't attach everything to her, he loved her.

And he missed her. Right? Severely seriously. But Allah Spencer was

always number one, right? And he knew Allah would take care of her,

and Allah would take care of him.

So So I mean, whether it's in the context of marriage relationships

that we're talking about now, which is very common, also, in the

context of just the materialistic world that we live in, where

people attach their hearts to cause or wealth for whatever,

right. And if they lose that, that's it. Same thing, right? fall

into depression, basically, because that's missing from their

lives. So we have to just make sure, right, that even this whole,

you know, coming back to what we're talking about the

understanding of happy marriage, right, the understanding of what

makes you happy. And the understanding even of what love

is, it really needs to be discussed, because there's so many

levels of of love, right? And it's interesting because like, you

know,

as you know, as to name it, like I've I've written on Surah Yusuf

right. And it's the result is really interesting part in the

story. Most people know about this the minister's wife and Prophet

Yusuf Ali salaam, right. So she became infatuated by him and Allah

subhanaw taala, when he describes the feeling that she had, he says,

called the Chava for her.

Right? So there's two words used hope, which a lot of us are

familiar with, which means love. And then he uses another word shut

off, right? So the, the common translation is, you know, how hot

was, you know, she was overtaken by love were overtaken by an

infatuation. But the word Chava that Allah using the Quran is

really interesting because nowadays, that same word is used

for it's it's like a medical term pericardium so it's the it's the

layer of like membrane that covers the heart it's a it's like a

covering over the heart. Allah says that that love penetrated

that covering in her heart right

and that's okay but remember you have to understand this as a

married woman pray you know and accept it there's so much riding

on this she's a woman of power as well last I'm sorry mileage This

is completely because you didn't even know you profit use the valet

celebrity just saw him and she was like gas it game over Suppan

Allah. Actually love Allah is referring to here just because you

saw the word hug in the verse doesn't mean love. Allah is

actually criticizing this type of love saying this is complete lust

and infatuation. She was overtaken in that moment. Yeah. And she was

like, I need to do something, right. I mean, imagine that that

moment, she forgot that she was even married, she forgot what was

she forgot all of the consequences. She was like, Okay,

I see this in front of me. This is what I want. And imagine how many

of us experienced that on a daily we see something, you know, again,

away from marriage, relationships, you're shopping, and you see,

right, and that's it. You're like, I don't have enough money in my

account. But I need to get it. Yeah, right. I have to buy and so

I'll go into debt. Because that thing, and that's the world we're

living in now where things are consuming our hearts and on a on a

deeper level, you know, a person train you know, some of that you

don't barely know, someone that you know, you need to have value

for you're just you're willing to just whatever right go any any

means. So I think that understanding needs to be there

that what is love even or is it is this feeling that I have is it

just infatuation, right? Is it just lust is this desire?