Naima B. Robert – TMC E3 Clip Imam Shares His Thoughts on What Makes A Happy Muslim Marriage
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The speakers discuss the importance of balancing expressing one's love for someone and finding one that makes one happy. They stress the importance of understanding one's happiness and finding one that makes one happy, particularly in light of the materialistic world and desire for love. The speakers also touch on the brain affirmation of love and the translation of love being shut off to describe the feeling of love.
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So if you attach your happiness to one single finger, one single
person, then you are going to be left extremely unhappy,
unsatisfied, and the list goes on. Right. And the Islamic perspective
on this is because we are supposed to attach our hearts to the
Eternal One, the divine one, right. And if we attach our, our,
our hearts to the eternal, Allah, then we can never be disappointed.
We can never be left unsatisfied, right.
Sharla Yeah, exactly. Right. And, and even even, right phrases like,
you know, understanding what is a happy marriage? And, you know,
Talk That Talk That Talk, what are your thoughts on that? It's okay,
it's a safe space.
To be honest about this, what is the marriage anyway? Yeah, so I
mean, you know, just, I mean, putting marriage aside for a
second, just understanding happiness, like, you know, that.
So I remember one, one of my teachers mentioned once that,
to us, a lot of it has mentioned this, and it's something that I've
just for many years I've just held on to,
and it's helped me in, in every relationship, right, which is
that, you know, if you attach your happiness to one single thing, or
one single person, then you are going to be extremely
disappointed, slash unhappy. Wow. Right. Because you say that again,
then another, let's say that again, for those in the back,
because that is gold that is called please, please say that
again. So if you attach your happiness to one single thing, or
one single person, then you are going to be left extremely
unhappy, unsatisfied, and the list goes on, right. And the Islamic
perspective on this is because we are supposed to attach our hearts
to the Eternal One, the divine one, right. And if we attach our,
our, our hearts, to the eternal, Allah, then we can never be
disappointed. And we can never be left unsatisfied, right? Because
that is what we need to fill any gaps that we have in our lives.
Now, I know that
you know, I could say that all day long, and we like it, but it's not
easy. And I am, I do love this person. And that's just fine. You
know, you want to love that person, you have love for them,
you have a level of closeness to them a relationship and attachment
you miss them if they're not at 100 us, and those are all
perfectly normal, natural emotions to feel Islam is not against that.
Right. It didn't come to to stop your emotions, etc, etc. But what
we're saying is, if you're like, you know, what, and this is,
again, the Hollywood spective, right, that I would die without
this person. Right, you know, that kind of thing? Yeah, I mean,
that's really unhealthy to think about, like, yeah, I missed this
person, whatever, that's fine. But to be like, You know what, that's
it if, if this ends, my life is over, finished, right? Because
you've attached everything. Yeah, you keep using the word
attachment. And that's when it keeps making me think of a
negative and unhealthy attachment. Yeah, I think also within our
cultures even there is this idea that you know, if you really loved
him, or if you really loved her, you couldn't live without him. You
couldn't live without her. You know, and again, one of one of the
things that I know we're going to talk about so much more on this
show is really the brainwashing I'm sorry. The brainwashing that
we have, especially our generation has had as Muslims and of course
they've been having for a bit longer but as Muslims I think
probably my I'm Gen X Gen X Millennials with we are the ones
in the source, you know, who've kind of been brought up on the
Disney fairy tales, you know, on all the teenage romances, you
know, all the all the all the stuff right? So I really
appreciate and I felt that in my heart that
distance and it's not a bad detachment or towards a healthy
detachment from the outcome in a way because you loving a person
and you missing them when they're not there. And then you you know,
you're having so much respect and regard for them. Yeah, it's one
thing and like you said, Hamdulillah that Allah put about
the ability for us to do that in our hearts, right. I lost my
talent gave us the capability to do that. And it's okay just do
that. But don't expect
a particular outcome as a result as in if I love this person this
much, they will never leave, you know, they will be by my side
always and kind of like you said, this unhealthy attachment. And if
they say this, or they do that, I can't be happy, I can't, you know,
I can't, you know, carry on I, you know, I can't function I can't
focus. Because like you said, it's almost like you're giving the keys
to your happiness to somebody else. And you're saying, you
better make sure you do right with these, because I want to be happy.
That's the agreement here. I don't know. SubhanAllah. Interesting to
do.
You're literally playing with fire. Right? So it's so dangerous
to put yourself in that position. And I think that's why there has
to be a balance like you said, nothing wrong with you know, the
prophesy, salam, many years, many years after his, his wife, Khadija
Lebanon had passed away, he would mention her, remember her, honor
her relatives, right? You know, like that kind of thing. So,
nothing wrong with missing someone. Right? Nothing wrong with
that. But it's, it's about how you how you approach it, but because
the process, it didn't attach everything to her, he loved her.
And he missed her. Right? Severely seriously. But Allah Spencer was
always number one, right? And he knew Allah would take care of her,
and Allah would take care of him.
So So I mean, whether it's in the context of marriage relationships
that we're talking about now, which is very common, also, in the
context of just the materialistic world that we live in, where
people attach their hearts to cause or wealth for whatever,
right. And if they lose that, that's it. Same thing, right? fall
into depression, basically, because that's missing from their
lives. So we have to just make sure, right, that even this whole,
you know, coming back to what we're talking about the
understanding of happy marriage, right, the understanding of what
makes you happy. And the understanding even of what love
is, it really needs to be discussed, because there's so many
levels of of love, right? And it's interesting because like, you
know,
as you know, as to name it, like I've I've written on Surah Yusuf
right. And it's the result is really interesting part in the
story. Most people know about this the minister's wife and Prophet
Yusuf Ali salaam, right. So she became infatuated by him and Allah
subhanaw taala, when he describes the feeling that she had, he says,
called the Chava for her.
Right? So there's two words used hope, which a lot of us are
familiar with, which means love. And then he uses another word shut
off, right? So the, the common translation is, you know, how hot
was, you know, she was overtaken by love were overtaken by an
infatuation. But the word Chava that Allah using the Quran is
really interesting because nowadays, that same word is used
for it's it's like a medical term pericardium so it's the it's the
layer of like membrane that covers the heart it's a it's like a
covering over the heart. Allah says that that love penetrated
that covering in her heart right
and that's okay but remember you have to understand this as a
married woman pray you know and accept it there's so much riding
on this she's a woman of power as well last I'm sorry mileage This
is completely because you didn't even know you profit use the valet
celebrity just saw him and she was like gas it game over Suppan
Allah. Actually love Allah is referring to here just because you
saw the word hug in the verse doesn't mean love. Allah is
actually criticizing this type of love saying this is complete lust
and infatuation. She was overtaken in that moment. Yeah. And she was
like, I need to do something, right. I mean, imagine that that
moment, she forgot that she was even married, she forgot what was
she forgot all of the consequences. She was like, Okay,
I see this in front of me. This is what I want. And imagine how many
of us experienced that on a daily we see something, you know, again,
away from marriage, relationships, you're shopping, and you see,
right, and that's it. You're like, I don't have enough money in my
account. But I need to get it. Yeah, right. I have to buy and so
I'll go into debt. Because that thing, and that's the world we're
living in now where things are consuming our hearts and on a on a
deeper level, you know, a person train you know, some of that you
don't barely know, someone that you know, you need to have value
for you're just you're willing to just whatever right go any any
means. So I think that understanding needs to be there
that what is love even or is it is this feeling that I have is it
just infatuation, right? Is it just lust is this desire?